🎳 Dishonours

📉 Bowled Out for Buttons

The lowest all-out totals in the club's history — the afternoons the whole thing folded like a deckchair. Completed innings only, so declarations and washouts stay out of it.

💥 Hammered

Beaten by the length of the street. The heaviest defeats by runs — a mountain set, a molehill managed.

🥀 The Wilderness Years

The club's darkest runs: the longest sequences of consecutive defeats, when nothing went right for weeks on end. Any win, draw or tie breaks the spell. (Across all senior sides — a bad patch for the whole club.)

🦂 Sting in the Tail

Nine down and chasing, the opposition's last pair scraped over the line — Linton unable to find the final wicket before the winning runs came. Beaten by a single wicket, and by the rabbits at that, the cruellest margin of them all.

🫖 Done Before Tea

Bat first, bowled out cheaply, and the opposition knock it off so fast the whole match is over in less time than a single innings should take. Ranked by the total overs the entire game lasted, both innings — the quickest capitulations first.

👹 Nemesis

The bogey teams — the opposition who have beaten Linton more often than any other. Some fixtures you just dread.

👻 The Boogeyman

The opposition players who have haunted Linton down the years — the most runs scored, and the most wickets taken, against us.

🏏 Most runs against Linton

🎯 Most wickets against Linton

😤 Not Enough

The biggest totals Linton ever posted batting first — and still lost, the opposition chasing every one of them down. All that work, all for nothing.

🌱 It's Doing a Bit

A genuine nought for two — both openers gone and not a single run, not even an extra, on the board when the second wicket fell, and both to the bowling (a run-out doesn't count — the pitch has to be to blame). The purest evidence the surface, or the new-ball pair, meant business — and rarer than you'd think.

🏃 Should've Said No

The serial run-out offenders — dismissed run out more than anyone else. A lifetime of misjudged singles, ignored calls and team-mates left stranded mid-pitch.

🔢 The most

📊 Highest share of their dismissals (min 20 times out)

🦶 Two Left Feet

Dismissed stumped more than anyone else — a career of wandering down the track, missing it, and turning to find the bails already off and the keeper grinning.

🔢 The most

📊 Highest share of their dismissals (min 20 times out)

🎣 Caught Fishing

Nicked off to the keeper more than anyone — a lifetime of chasing the wide one and feathering it through to the gloves. (The keeper is identified from stumpings and keeper flags, so it's a lower bound.)

🔢 The most

📊 Highest share of their dismissals (min 20 times out)

🦵 Fancy Footwork

Trapped leg-before more often than anyone else — a career spent playing around the front pad and losing the argument with the umpire.

🔢 The most

📊 Highest share of their dismissals (min 20 times out)

🐇 His Bunny

A personal hoodoo: the batsman dismissed by the same opposition bowler more than any other pairing on record. Some bowlers just have your number, year after year.

🤡 Bowled 'Em, Bagged a Duck

The all-rounder's tragicomedy: a five-wicket haul AND a duck in the very same match. Unplayable with the ball, hopeless with the bat, all in one glorious afternoon.

🏹 Straight as an Arrow

Caught and bowled more than anyone — the ball hit straight back whence it came, the bowler barely needing to move. A career of finding the one fielder who was always going to be there.

🔢 The most

📊 Highest share of their dismissals (min 20 times out)

🤦 Own Worst Enemy

Hit wicket. The self-inflicted dismissal — treading on your own stumps, or dislodging a bail with a wild swish. No bowler really needed for these; the batsman managed it all by themselves.

🃏 Collector's Items

The rarest ways to lose your wicket, the ones most cricketers never witness in a lifetime: obstructing the field, handling the ball, timed out. If your name is here, you did something genuinely exotic.

🍺 Jug Avoidance

Out — or stranded not out — in the nineties, and so wriggling clean out of buying the jug. Ninety to ninety-nine, no hundred, no bar bill. The closest misses first.

🩼 Call in the Stretcher

Retired not out before reaching fifty. Play-Cricket doesn't record injuries, but nobody is retired tactically on a low score — so a sub-fifty retirement is read as a batsman forced off by a knock. (Retire on fifty-plus and it's a job done — that's a Feat, not a dishonour.)

🗣️ Don't Let Him Call

The guilty party at the other end. For every run-out there's a partner who called them through — and the fall-of-wicket line names who was stranded not out while their team-mate trudged off. The batsmen most often at the crease when a partner was run out. (Covers innings that carry fall-of-wicket data.)

🦥 The Sloth

The most slothful innings on record — the lowest strike rates for a knock of sixty balls or more. An honest hour at the crease with the handbrake firmly on. (Needs balls faced, so the electronic era.)

🔁 Groundhog Day

Out for the exact same score more than anyone — a batsman with a signature number they simply cannot get past. Noughts excluded (they have their own board); it's the repeated non-zero score that counts.

🏖️ Built on Sand

A solid platform that crumbled to nothing. The worst collapses on record — the most wickets lost for the fewest runs after reaching a fifty-plus foundation, then all out at the death. From the fall-of-wicket data.

🏗️ The Platform Was Set

A big opening stand — and then almost nothing. The openers laid on eighty or more for the first wicket and made two-thirds of the total between them, the rest of the order folding for scraps. The biggest platforms squandered.

💯 The Reverse Century

The century is cricket's grandest milestone — unless it is you serving it up. Concede 100 or more in a single innings and you join a club nobody wants a life membership of.

😬 The Nervous Nineties

So near, and yet so mercifully far. These spells leaked 90 to 99 — one wayward over from a reverse ton, spared immortality by the tightest of margins.

💸 Death by a Thousand Cuts

Every run comes from somewhere; in these spells it came from everywhere at once. The worst economy rates ever posted — minimum five overs bowled, so no one-over cameos are hiding in here.

🐂 The Wicketless Marathon

Heart, lungs, stamina — and absolutely no reward. The longest wicketless shifts on record, arm still turning over long after hope had left the building.

🎯 Sprayed It Everywhere

The batsmen barely had to lift a finger. A small fortune gifted to the opposition in wides and no-balls — the yips, a gale, or just a thoroughly bad day at the office.

🐣 Debut Disaster

Welcome to Linton Park. Now go and get changed. A bowler's first spell that went badly by any measure — an economy over 5.5, or an average or strike rate over 30. A baptism entirely of fire (minimum three overs).

🤷 Today Just Wasn't Our Day

Some days the edges don't carry and the plumb ones are given not out. Whole bowling innings — twenty overs or more, the captain rotating through his options — that yielded not a single wicket to a bowler. Ranked by the total the opposition merrily racked up in the meantime.

🏜️ The Wicketless Season

A whole summer's toil — fifty overs or more sent down across a season — and not one solitary wicket to show for it. Qualification: a minimum of 50 overs bowled. The reward: absolutely nothing.

No qualifying entries yet — this particular ignominy still awaits its first name.

🙅 Not Today, Skip

The cruellest words in cricket: 'not today.' These bowlers ran through a side one game — a four-for or better — then turned up the very next match and weren't thrown the ball at all. From hero to twelfth-man's understudy in seven days (next game within a few weeks; they were on the card, just never in the attack).

⏳ The Longest Wait Between Wickets

Two ways to measure a barren run: how long it lasted, and how much toil it took. Exact figures need ball-by-ball scoring, so these are derived from whole spells between wickets — a lower bound, but the shape of the suffering is clear.

📅 By calendar time (still bowling in between)

🐢 By overs bowled

🎬 Start As You Mean To Go On

Opening the innings with a wide or a no-ball — a statement of intent before a legitimate ball has even been bowled. Needs delivery-by-delivery data, so the board fills itself as that data is harvested.

No qualifying entries yet — this particular ignominy still awaits its first name.

⏱️ The Twelve-Ball Over

Six balls an over is only a suggestion. Pile up enough wides and no-balls and a single over can stretch to twelve deliveries or more — a genuine ordeal for bowler and captain alike.

🧨 Two Dozen in an Over

A single over that haemorrhaged 24 or more — four sixes' worth of damage in the space of six balls (runs off the bat plus wides and no-balls, all charged to the bowler). The over that lost the plot.

💥 Maximum Carnage — 36+ in an Over

The absolute summit of over-going-wrong: 36 or more conceded in one over. Six sixes is the textbook maximum off the bat; add a wide or two and you can somehow do even worse. Mercifully rare.

🚑 Man Down

The over nobody could finish. In cricket you can only hand over mid-over if you leave the field, so these are the spells cut short by a tweaked hamstring or a rolled ankle — the bowler helped from the attack and a team-mate sent to mop up the rest. (A won run-chase ends the innings cleanly, so those never count.)

🧤 Hole in My Gloves

The keeper's cardinal sin: the most byes waved through in a single innings — every one a ball that beat bat, pad and gloves alike. (Keeper identified by the stumpings or the scorecard flag.)

🕳️ The Sieve

The leakiest gloves of the lot — the most byes conceded across a whole season behind the stumps.

🧮 Death by Extras

The sloppiest days in the field: the most extras — byes, leg-byes, wides and no-balls together — gifted to the opposition in a single innings. Runs given away for nothing at all.

🧐 Where Are the Drops?

Cricket's cruellest secret: Play-Cricket scorecards don't record dropped catches, misfields or fumbles — only what actually got a batsman out. So the fielding dishonours can only be the keeper's byes above. The day shelled chances get logged, this is where they'll live.