🦆 The Duck Pond

A quiet week, gentlemen, and one that does the eleven credit rather than the Club. Two fixtures were played in the period under review, and upon the closest examination of the scorebooks not a single member of either side was dismissed for a cipher. The timbers stood, the willow connected, and not one of our batsmen troubled the exclusive zero club with a fresh application for membership. We report this with the faint disappointment proper to an institution that celebrates failure, and trust it is but a temporary lapse in form. Nothing, then, to record of golden ducks, of pairs, or of that rarest and most solemn of ceremonies, the family duck. The Club's honours boards remain undisturbed this week, their distinguished members neither joined nor troubled by any new applicant. We may only assume our batsmen were, most inconveniently, watching the ball. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard, 1886 - J F Cornish — 2 innings, 2 ducks, a discouraging 100 per cent - F S W Cornwallis — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50 per cent - A M Streatfield — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent - Hon J B Brownlow — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent - Tom Peach Snr — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent Mr Cornish leads the season's table with a consistency of a very particular kind, having failed to trouble the scorer in both his outings thus far, and the Committee watches his continued form with what can only be described as respectful concern. We commend the eleven on a week of undesired competence, and look forward, with the Club's customary mixture of hope and mischief, to the next fixture furnishing the honours boards with fresh and thoroughly deserving names. Members are reminded that the art of not scoring is a discipline no man masters twice the same way, and the season yet has ample opportunity in store.

A single fixture was played this week, and it is with a measure of mixed feeling that your correspondent reports the timbers were spared their usual visitors. Not a single member of the eleven was sent back to the pavilion for a cipher — the ducks, it seems, evaded capture entirely on this occasion. Whether this speaks to a sudden and uncharacteristic soundness of technique, or merely to the ball declining to find the edge, this correspondent shall not speculate. The exclusive zero club held no induction ceremony this week, and its roll of dubious distinction remains, for now, unchanged. Members may take what comfort they can in a fixture passed without ignominy, though old hands will know such quiet spells rarely last. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - J F Cornish — 2 innings, 2 ducks, a scarcely believable 100%. A gentleman apparently unable to trouble the scorer at all this season. - F S W Cornwallis — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50%. Consistency, of a very particular kind. - A M Streatfield — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50%. - Hon J B Brownlow — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50%. A creditable showing for a gentleman of rank, in the art of not scoring. - Tom Peach Snr — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50%. The season's honours board stands ready to receive fresh entrants, and your correspondent has little doubt it shall not wait long. Members are cordially reminded that the willow shows no mercy, and the next fixture will surely furnish the Gazette with rather livelier material. Until then, the club rests, somewhat unusually, without a fresh duck's egg to its name.

A modest fixture at The Mote CC yielded, as these things will, two additions to the Club's roll of honour — that most exclusive of fraternities reserved for gentlemen who faced the bowling and had nothing whatsoever to show for it. House Team Mr L Friend, sent in first wicket down, was bowled by K McAlpine and returned to the pavilion for a duck's egg — not, it should be recorded, upon the very first delivery, so he may claim to have inspected the bowling before declining to trouble the scorer. It is his first duck of the season and, in but his third innings for the Club, the first of his career, placing him 52nd of 151 in the club's long and undistinguished ledger. He now sits level, at one duck apiece, with Mr A Barker, who was crowned Duck of the Year in 1885 on the strength of a single such visitation — an honour Mr Friend may in time aspire to, or, one hopes, avoid. Batting at number nine, the Reverend Thomas Burra was bowled by A J Thornton and likewise dismissed for nought — his first duck of the campaign and, remarkably, the first of a three-innings career, which places him 58th of 151 upon the all-time list. He too joins the fellowship of Mr A Barker's single duck, a reminder that the cloth offers no especial protection against the leather. The week in summary A single match, a single fixture lost to the willow, and two ducks laid — both, curiously, maiden ducks in the career sense if not the cricketing one, each gentleman's first. The Mote CC's bowlers, Messrs McAlpine and Thornton, may consider their afternoon's work satisfactorily concluded. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - J F Cornish — 2 innings, 2 ducks, a faultless 100% - F S W Cornwallis — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67% - A M Streatfield — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Hon J B Brownlow — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Tom Peach Snr — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% The season's leading exponents of the art of not scoring remain in fine fettle, and the Club awaits the next fixture with its customary mixture of dread and anticipation. Members are cordially reminded that the timbers care nothing for reputation, and that the pavilion door swings open for gentleman and cleric alike.

A brisk fixture against The Mote CC on the 4th has furnished the exclusive zero club with no fewer than seven fresh entries, our men finding the art of not scoring rather more congenial than the art of scoring. Let the ledger speak. House Team Batting at seven, Tom Peach Snr was run out without addition, his end unsure but his cipher perfectly certain — a 1st season duck, and his 2nd of a modest career spanning five innings, placing him 27th of 145 in the club's grim roll of honour. He now sits level with C French Snr, that veteran of 1860 to 1864 and Duck of the Year 1864, on an identical career tally of two. F S W Cornwallis, at nine, was first bowled by A J Thornton for nought, and — the innings evidently agreeing with him — returned later in the day to be caught by K McAlpine off the same bowler, again without troubling the scorer. A pair, gentlemen, the grim double so beloved of this establishment, taking him from his 1st to his 2nd season duck in a single afternoon, and to 2 career ducks in four innings, 20th of 145. He joins the estimable C French Snr on that same tally of two. J F Cornish, opening his career at number ten, was leg before to A Hearne for a cipher on his very first appearance at the wicket — a true debutante duck to mark his arrival. Not content with one, he returned to be bowled by A J Thornton for a second, completing his own pair and, being brand new to these pages, arriving already a Duck of the Year 1886 nominee with 2 career ducks from just 2 innings, 24th of 145 — level company indeed with C French Snr on two. A M Streatfield, at four, was run out for a duck, his end likewise unsure. His 1st season duck stands as his 1st career duck from four innings, 30th of 145, drawing level with A Barker, Duck of the Year 1885, on a tally of one. The Hon J B Brownlow, at six and also new to the fixture list, was caught by A Hearne off F M Atkins without scoring — his maiden innings and, fittingly, his maiden duck. His 1st season and 1st career duck from two innings places him 45th of 145, keeping A Barker company on a tally of one apiece. The Week in Brief Seven ducks from two matches, every one of them furnished by the House Team against The Mote CC, and two gentlemen — Cornwallis and Cornish — managing the singular feat of a pair apiece in the same fixture, proof that lightning may strike twice in an afternoon, though never, mercifully, first ball. A fixture to be filed under triumph through adversity, if adversity may be said to triumph twice. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - F S W Cornwallis — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - J F Cornish — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - A M Streatfield — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Hon J B Brownlow — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Tom Peach Snr — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% The season stands young and the willow has spoken plainly this week. Members are cordially invited to the next fixture, where the timbers will doubtless be rattled afresh and further names added to this most dubious of distinctions.