🦆 The Duck Pond

🏏 A modest offering from Maidstone on Saturday, where the visitors' willow proved unequal to the task on four separate occasions. The zero club welcomes its latest subscribers with the usual grave ceremony. 1st XI — dismissed for a cipher against Maidstone CC - S Smith, at four, was caught and bowled by W C Betts — a tidy piece of work by the bowler, and a less tidy one by the batsman. This stands as his second duck of the season and his second in a career of eight innings, placing him thirty-fourth of the two hundred and forty-nine names on our roll of dishonour. He now sits level with C French Snr, whose own pair of ducks was recorded between 1860 and 1864 — kindred spirits across two generations, united by nought. - W Edwards, batting eighth, was taken by wicketkeeper Betts off the bowling of H Waghorn. A second duck of the season for Mr Edwards, and his second in a career still young at but five innings — a promising start to a less promising ledger. He, too, joins the gentlemen sitting on two career ducks, C French Snr among them. - D H Kennard, at ten, was stumped by A Large off W C Betts — undone by a step too far down the wicket. This is his third duck of the season, his third in a career of only four innings, and it earns him fifteenth place of all who have gone before, together with a place on the Duck of the Year 1896 board — an honour he appears determined to defend without challenge. He joins A Kent, whose identical tally of three was compiled in 1893. - R Kennard, last man in, was bowled outright by W C Betts. His second duck of the season and his second in a career of but two innings — a start of remarkable uniformity. He, too, keeps company with C French Snr on the ledger of twos. A family affair — the brothers Kennard, D H and R, both departed without score in the same innings against Maidstone, a rare domestic double the club records with particular satisfaction as a Two of a Quack. Between them they carried the Kennard name to the crease and back again with nothing to show for either journey — one imagines the walk to the pavilion was, at least, companionable. The week in summary — four ducks in a single match, two of them shared by brothers, and W C Betts alone accounting for three of the four dismissals. A bowler in inspired form, and an innings the eleven will be glad to leave behind them. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - R Kennard — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100.0% - W Edwards — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100.0% - D H Kennard — 4 innings, 3 ducks, 75.0% - Ernest Cruttenden — 7 innings, 2 ducks, 28.57% - S Smith — 7 innings, 2 ducks, 28.57% The eleven take the field again presently, and the club anticipates further additions to its rolls with its customary equanimity. Members are cordially reminded that the art of not scoring remains, as ever, open to all comers.

🏏 A modest bulletin this week, but a noteworthy one for the family concerned. One fixture, two ciphers, and a name doubled upon the honours board before tea was cold. 1st XI — v Westborough Working Men's Club (home) Mr D H Kennard, sent in at number nine, was taken by E Waghorn off the bowling of F Gilbert without addition to the total — his second such misfortune of the season, and a fair claim upon Duck of the Year 1896, an honour already resting upon his shoulders. This stands as his second career cipher in but three innings, placing him twentieth of the two hundred and forty-nine gentlemen who have graced this particular register. Curiously, on this very day five years since, one R Norton likewise returned to the pavilion without troubling the scorer, against the Eton Ramblers — a coincidence of the calendar we are pleased to record. Hard upon his heels came Mr R Kennard at number ten, held by W French off the same F Gilbert, and similarly dismissed for nought. This being his maiden first-class innings, we are obliged to note it as his debut — an inauspicious one, though he joins the club in good and populous company. His name now stands at the eighty-third position of all-time ignominy, itself a curious echo of Mr Norton's own standing at eighty-fourth, and, as with his brother, this day in 1891 saw an identical fate befall the aforementioned Norton against the selfsame Ramblers. We should be remiss not to observe that Mr D H Kennard and Mr R Kennard are brothers, and their twin failures this day at Westborough constitute what the club records as Two of a Quack — a shared and simultaneous descent into scorelessness that we are pleased to solemnise. It is not every week that one family may boast two ducks laid in the same afternoon, and the Kennard household has this day secured that dubious distinction with room to spare. The Week in Summary A single fixture yielded two ducks, both from the same family, both from the same bowler's spell — Mr Gilbert may take some private satisfaction in a family double, though we shall not encourage him further. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - D H Kennard — 3 innings, 2 ducks (66.67%) - Ernest Cruttenden — 7 innings, 2 ducks (28.57%) - H W Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck (100.00%) - R Kennard — 1 innings, 1 duck (100.00%) - W Edwards — 1 innings, 1 duck (100.00%) The eleven take the field again shortly, and the club extends its customary welcome to whichever gentleman shall next find himself walking back before troubling the scorer. Until then, we remain, as ever, devoted students of the art of not scoring.

It is with a curious mixture of relief and disappointment that your correspondent must report a want of material this week. The eleven took to the field, the willow was wielded, the leather was bowled with every customary vigour — and yet not a single cipher was recorded against any name. The exclusive zero club, so often swollen by the misfortunes of our batsmen, gained not one new member this week past. One scarcely knows whether to offer congratulation or condolence. A week without a duck is, for the club proper, a week without incident, and the honours boards must remain, for the present, undisturbed. Whether this reflects a sudden and alarming outbreak of competence at the crease, or merely the leather's own want of application, this correspondent shall not speculate. The art of not scoring is, after all, a discipline requiring constant practice, and even our most devoted exponents cannot be expected to maintain their standards in every match. We are assured, however, that the season is young yet, and that the ducks, though they evaded the net this week, are unlikely to remain at liberty for long. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard, 1896 - Ernest Cruttenden — 6 innings, 2 ducks, a return of 33.33 per cent, and thus the season's most industrious contributor to the club's cause - H W Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, a perfect century of failure at 100 per cent, and a start to the season that could scarcely be more emphatic - W Edwards — 1 innings, 1 duck, likewise perfect in his ignominy, and welcomed accordingly - X Gilbert — 1 innings, 1 duck, a third gentleman to open his season's account at the first time of asking - A L Woodhouse — 2 innings, 1 duck, a return of 50 per cent, and evidence that the timbers found him out soon enough Mr Cruttenden remains the season's leading light, if light be the word for so dim an achievement, and the club watches his continued progress with an interest bordering on the proprietorial. Members are respectfully reminded that the next fixture is expected to furnish the usual crop of candidates, and the correspondent awaits, with his customary patience, the opportunity to record their names in due course. Until then, the eleven may enjoy this brief and no doubt temporary reprieve from the scorer's cruellest entry.

A single fixture furnished the Club with five ducks apiece worthy of the honours board, Headcorn's bowlers proving uncommonly parsimonious throughout. 1st XI Ernest Cruttenden did Headcorn the signal courtesy of failing to trouble the scorer twice in the one afternoon. In the first innings he was taken by F Norris off the bowling of the Reverend A C Scott, his fifth career duck in five and twenty innings, and a sitting Duck of the Year for 1895. He shares that exact tally with F Danells, who retired upon it between 1881 and 1891. Sent in again in the second innings, Mr Cruttenden fell lbw to G Knight for his sixth, drawing level with W H Fryer of the 1867-85 vintage, and so completed what the Club terms simply a pair — twice dismissed without score in a single match, a feat demanding rather more application than it might appear. He remains third of all who have ever taken guard for this purpose, out of two hundred and forty-seven. S Smith, at number ten, was held by F E Foreman off G Knight for nought, his first duck in a modest six innings to date. He joins a long and honourable company sitting on the same single duck, among them A Barker, who managed the identical feat in 1885 and was that year's Duck of the Year. H L Andrews, appearing in the eleven for the first time, was bowled by the Reverend A C Scott without troubling the scorer — as warm a welcome to senior cricket as the Club knows how to extend. He too keeps company with A Barker's tally of one, though with his career scarcely begun he may yet better it, for good or ill. D H Kennard, at nine, was bowled by G Knight for a duck on his earliest outing for the Club, and finds himself already proclaimed Duck of the Year for 1896 — an honour arriving rather sooner in the season than he can have hoped for. He stands alongside Messrs Smith and Andrews on a single career duck, level with A Barker's mark of 1885. The afternoon's bowling honours belong chiefly to Headcorn: Mr G Knight accounted for three of the five ciphers and the Reverend A C Scott for the remaining two, a display of the willow's opposite number at its most eloquent. One match, five ducks, and the Reverend proving that the cloth is no bar to menace with the ball. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Ernest Cruttenden — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.0% - H W Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - W Edwards — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - X Gilbert — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - A L Woodhouse — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% The Club extends its condolences to those named above and its quiet confidence that the coming fixture shall furnish further candidates for these pages. Members are cordially invited to attend and, should form permit, to keep their names from appearing herein.

Recording the 21st and 22nd of July, in the year of grace 1896 To the members of the club it falls once more to your correspondent to record, with the customary mixture of solemnity and quiet amusement, those gentlemen of the First Eleven who this week joined the exclusive zero club — a place of dubious distinction to which admission is granted, entirely without ceremony, the moment the timbers are disturbed before a run is troubled from the scorer. The First Eleven - Mr H W Smith, promoted to number nine against the Royal West Kent Regiment CC on the 21st, was bowled by Captain G Marshall and returned to the pavilion for a duck's egg on his very first appearance at the wicket for the club. A maiden innings and a maiden failure together — he enters the honours board at the first attempt, taking his place 64th of 243 in the club's long and inglorious ledger. In this he now stands level with one Mr A Barker, whose own single duck, recorded as long ago as 1885 and sufficient that year to carry off the Duck of the Year itself, shows that a solitary nought may yet be a distinguished one. - Mr W Edwards, at number seven in the home fixture against Maidstone CC on the 22nd, was smartly caught by Mr H Waghorn off the bowling of Mr A Large, and departed without registering a run. This is his first cipher of the current season, though by no means his first acquaintance with the art of not scoring, his career tally now standing at one from four completed innings, and placing him 92nd of 243 upon the roll. Members of a historical bent may care to note that upon this very date in 1887, Mr C Pocock likewise walked back for nought, on that occasion against The Mote CC — the calendar, it seems, has its own sense of humour. The Week in Summary Two fixtures, two ducks, and the ignominy shared with commendable fairness between number seven and number nine. No gentleman troubled the wicket twice this week, and no families were embarrassed in company, so the roll of shame remains, for once, a modest one. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - H W Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - W Edwards — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - X Gilbert — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - A L Woodhouse — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - G M Style — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% The season stands young, and the willow has yet to declare its final word. Members are cordially reminded that the next fixture offers every man in the eleven a fresh opportunity to add his name below, and your correspondent, ever hopeful of fresh material, awaits developments with his customary patience.

🏏 A quiet week at the wicket, if the truth be told. Our correspondent regrets to inform members that the eleven, for once, gave the Duck Club nothing whatsoever to celebrate. Not a single cipher was recorded in the period under review, no timbers were disturbed on the first ball, and no unfortunate soul was sent back to the pavilion without troubling the scorer. A single fixture was played, and the willow, it seems, behaved itself throughout. It is not for the correspondent to say whether this reflects an improvement in technique or merely a lapse in misfortune, but the exclusive zero club must content itself this week with silence rather than ceremony. Consistency, of the particular kind this column exists to honour, was in short supply. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - G M Style — 1 innings, 1 duck, a full 100 per cent, a rate of attrition that leaves little room for improvement - X Gilbert — 1 innings, 1 duck, likewise a cipher in every appearance to date - A L Woodhouse — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent, showing at least occasional resistance to the bowling The season standings remain a matter of some interest, and members will note that Messrs Style and Gilbert have each, on their sole appearance, achieved the rare distinction of a perfect record in the art of not scoring. We trust our correspondents will have livelier material to report upon following the next fixture, when the timbers may once again be persuaded to fall, and the honours board given fresh cause for solemn commemoration. Members are invited to attend and, should fortune permit, to add their names to the list.

A modest bulletin this week, for the exclusive zero club welcomed but two new members to its dubious ranks, both from the 1st XI, in the fixture against Mr H Wilson-Smith's eleven. 1st XI - G M Style, sent in at number eight, was caught by O Seymour off the bowling of J N Tonge, c O Seymour b J N Tonge, without troubling the scorer. This stands as his first duck of the season and the first of his career in three innings at the wicket, placing him 59th of 235 in the club's roll of honour, a position that finds him keeping company with A Barker, whose lone duck of 1885 secured that gentleman the Duck of the Year and a career tally of exactly one, precisely as Mr Style's now reads. - A L Woodhouse followed his colleague back to the pavilion at number nine, bowled by the same J N Tonge, whose afternoon's figures owe not a little to Linton Park's generosity. A first season duck and a first career duck in two innings at the wicket, Mr Woodhouse joins Mr Style, and indeed the aforementioned A Barker of 1885, in a career tally of exactly one, ranking 35th of 235 on the club's long and honourable list of failures. It is not every match that furnishes two gentlemen undone by the identical bowler in the identical innings, arriving by separate roads at the selfsame distinction. The Week in Summary Two matches were played in the period under review, and but a single innings of true abjection was recorded between them, J N Tonge accounting for both departures, a bowler evidently in determined form against the home eleven. No pairs, no king pairs and no gatherings of kin fell to be reported this week, the ducks confining themselves to solitary appearances, as decorum would demand. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - G M Style, 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - X Gilbert, 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - A L Woodhouse, 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent The season is yet young, and the leaderboard retains ample room for further distinction. Members are cordially reminded that the next fixture stands ready to receive fresh nominations to the zero club, and the correspondent awaits further intelligence with his customary keen anticipation.

A single fixture upon the ground this week, and but one gentleman required to make the short walk back to the pavilion without contributing to the total. A quiet week for the Eleven's registrar of noughts, but a duck is a duck, and the club's business must be recorded all the same. 1st XI - X Gilbert, coming to the wicket at number seven against the Royal West Kent Regiment CC upon our own ground, was bowled by Captain G Marshall, and returned to the pavilion having faced his allotted deliveries without once troubling the scorer. This being his first appearance in the Eleven's colours, it is his maiden innings and his maiden cipher together — a debut conducted, one might say, with rather too much modesty. He enters the club's roll of honour as the 94th name of 230, and in this he keeps distinguished if distant company: Mr A Barker, whose own single duck of the 1885 season earned him that year's Duck of the Year and the 34th place of 230, sits upon exactly the same career total, the two gentlemen united across eleven years by the same solitary nought. The Week in Summary One match, one duck, and precious little else to remark upon. Whether this reflects a want of opportunity or an uncommon steadiness at the wicket among the rest of the Eleven, the correspondent cannot say — only that the ducks, this week, proved elusive quarry, bar the one. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - X Gilbert — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent A modest table this week, Mr Gilbert occupying it entirely by default, though doubtless others will press their claims before the season is out. The next fixture cannot be long delayed, and with it, one trusts, further additions to this list of gentlemen who found the willow uncooperative. Members are encouraged to attend, and to bat rather better than the present correspondent has any right to expect.