🦆 The Duck Pond

🏏 A quiet week at the crease, gentlemen and ladies of the Club. No ducks reported this week It grieves the correspondent to record that the eleven, for once, gave the scorers no cipher to note down. Every man who walked to the wicket this week troubled the bowling sufficiently to avoid the ignominy of the timbers falling for nought, and the exclusive zero club is obliged to sit idle a further seven days without new membership. Whether this reflects a sudden and alarming outbreak of competence, or merely that the bowling was not quite sharp enough to find its mark, the correspondent leaves to wiser judges than himself. One match only was played in the period, and it passed, remarkably, without a single duck's egg being laid. Consistency, it seems, has this week taken a most unwelcome holiday. The season's roll of dubious distinction, however, remains undisturbed by this week's dry spell, and stands as follows. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jack Fryer — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - F Danells — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - H Graves — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - R Norton — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - S Ruck — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Mr Fryer continues to hold the season's most commanding position, having achieved the rare and complete feat of failing to trouble the scorer in both his innings thus far — a percentage that leaves nothing whatsoever to the imagination. He is closely attended by a quartet of gentlemen each holding a perfect record from a single showing, and the Club watches with interest to see which of them shall be first to spoil it with a run. The correspondent, though disappointed to have no fresh ignominy to report, reminds the membership that the season is yet young and the willow yet fallible. Members are cordially invited to attend the next fixture, where the timbers may once again prove obliging, and the exclusive zero club may resume its recruitment in the manner to which it has grown accustomed.

Word reaches us of a single, solitary cipher recorded against our fixture with Eton Ramblers CC, played at home upon the 15th instant. The exclusive zero club welcomes, with due ceremony, one new name to its rolls. The First Eleven Opening the innings, R Norton took guard with all the promise of a young gentleman new to the crease, and departed it with rather less, bowled by V R Hoare for a duck's egg upon his very first appearance in club colours. A debut, we are bound to record, that furnishes as pure an illustration of the art of not scoring as this correspondent has witnessed all season — though we are assured he troubled the bowling for more than the opening delivery, which is at least a mercy denied to some. His name now stands at the sixty-fourth rung of one hundred and eighty-eight upon the all-time roll of ignominy, and he joins Mr A Barker, of the season of 1885, upon a career tally of exactly one — kindred spirits separated by six-and-thirty years, yet united, as ever, in nought. The Week in Brief One match, one duck — a modest week's harvest for the collectors of dubious distinction, though the season, as our leaderboard below attests, continues to yield rather more generously elsewhere. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jack Fryer — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - F Danells — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - H Graves — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - R Norton — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - S Ruck — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% We commend Mr Fryer upon a perfect record of failure twice compounded, and observe that four gentlemen stand tied at the foot of the table, ready to be dislodged by the next man rash enough to take guard. The eleven takes the field again presently, and the timbers, we have every confidence, shall furnish further material for these pages. Members are cordially invited to contribute to the club's stock of noughts at their earliest convenience.

A Chronicle of the Willow's Misfortunes, 10th to 12th August, 1891 To the members of the Club is offered this week's modest harvest — three eggs laid across two fixtures, the eleven having found the art of not scoring practised with its customary devotion. The First Eleven - Mr L M Richards, going in at number nine against the Royal Engineers CC on the 10th, was bowled by Captain Rice without addition to the total. This is his first cipher of the present season and the second of a career now numbering seven innings, placing him 28th of 186 in the Club's roll of dishonour. In this he keeps close company with Mr C French Snr, whose own two career ducks — struck between 1860 and 1864, and crowned that latter year with the Duck of the Year itself — stand at exactly the same figure. A worthy fellowship, separated by some thirty years and not one run. - Mr L Friend, opening the innings against the Free Foresters CC on the 12th, was taken by the bowler's own hand off his own bowling, Mr J A Turner accounting for him before the scorers had troubled themselves to sharpen their pencils. It is his second career duck in seven innings, and he stands 27th of 186. Curiously, this very date in the calendar has form: on the 12th of August 1867, one G a K Simpson likewise departed for nought, against Leeds Park CC — history, it seems, keeps a diary. - Mr R H Pemberton followed him to the crease at number seven that same afternoon, and was undone by the identical Mr Turner, bowled without scoring. It is his maiden duck of the campaign and his first in a career of seven innings, ranking him 62nd of 186. He shares Mr Friend's curious anniversary, for the same Mr Simpson's duck of the 12th of August 1867 stands as his parallel also — a fine thing, to be accompanied into ignominy by one's own teammate and a gentleman three decades departed alike. It will not escape the attentive reader that Mr Turner of the Free Foresters enjoyed a most productive afternoon's bowling, accounting for both home ducks inside the same innings — a spell our batsmen will not care to recall, nor Mr Turner soon forget. The Week in Summary Three ducks were laid across two matches, all by the First Eleven, and none golden — each gentleman troubled the bowling for at least one delivery before his dismissal, which is, we are assured, some small comfort. The Royal Engineers and the Free Foresters may both congratulate their bowling attacks on a satisfactory afternoon's work. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jack Fryer — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - F Danells — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - H Graves — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - S Ruck — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - L Friend — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% Members are reminded that the season is young and the willow treacherous. The next fixture will doubtless furnish fresh candidates for these pages, and the Club awaits their contributions with its usual warm and undiminished enthusiasm.

A single fixture, and yet the Club's roll has not gone unattended, for one of our number has again presented his wicket to the enemy with scarcely a struggle. The First Eleven Against Sutton Valence School, at home, Mr Jack Fryer, going in at number five, was caught I S Thornton, bowled W E Thornhill, and returned to the pavilion without troubling the scorer. He did face a ball or two before his dismissal, so no golden duck is to be recorded here, merely a duck's egg of the ordinary and honest variety. This is the second such visitation of the season for Mr Fryer, and his fifth in a career of seventeen innings, placing him fourth of all the Club's 179 members who have made a study of the nought — a distinction he holds jointly, this very season, with the honour of Duck of the Year 1891, a laurel not lightly won. He now stands level on career ducks, five apiece, with the venerable F Danells, who plied his willow between 1881 and 1891 and sits third upon the very same table — two gentlemen of different eras, united in the art of not scoring. The Week in Summary One match, one duck, and a tally so modest that the correspondent is obliged to stretch his prose rather further than his subject strictly warrants. Still, where Mr Fryer is concerned, brevity of innings is rather the point, and he has now made something of a habit of it this season. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jack Fryer — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100.0% - F Danells — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% - H Graves — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% - S Ruck — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% A leaderboard, it must be observed, in which perfection is achieved not by scoring but by its determined avoidance. A Closing Word The Club awaits its next fixture with the customary mixture of hope and resignation, confident that the timbers will again be rattled, the leather will again prevail, and some further gentleman will be welcomed, cipher in hand, into this most exclusive and dubious of fraternities. Until then, we remain, as ever, watchful of the scoreboard and gently amused by its blanks.

A modest fixture against Hunton CC on Saturday last has furnished the club's zero register with a fresh quartet of entries, our first eleven contributing the whole of the day's misfortune between them. 1st XI at Hunton CC (away) - F Danells, in at first wicket down, was stumped by the watchful Dr Smart off the bowling of J Foord, and returns to the pavilion for his first duck's egg of the season — his fifth in a career of fifteen innings, placing him third of the club's one hundred and seventy-six honorands. He now sits level upon five with W Goad, whose own accumulation was gathered between 1864 and 1872 — kindred spirits in the art of not scoring, separated by some twenty-seven years but united upon the same solemn total. - Jack Fryer, at first drop, fell caught by H Hubble off the same J Foord — evidently a bowler in fine and unwelcome form — for his first duck of the current season and the fourth of an already distinguished career spanning sixteen innings. He is, be it noted, the reigning holder of the Duck of the Year honour for 1891 itself, a title he may consider well and truly defended by this latest contribution. He draws level upon four with several distinguished names of seasons past, among them J Sedgwick of 1881 and W White of 1869, each themselves former Ducks of the Year. - S Ruck, promoted to the crease at number seven, was bowled by T Hards without troubling the scorer, and does so upon the very occasion of his debut for the club — a duck's egg to mark his arrival, which places him sixty-fourth of one hundred and seventy-six on the all-time roll. He shares his solitary tally with a great many who began thus, among them A Barker of 1885. - H Graves, at number nine, was likewise bowled, by W Galpin, for a duck upon his own first appearance in club colours — a debut shared in ignominy with his colleague Ruck, the pair entering the honours board together. He too stands upon one, in fellowship with A Barker and the long roll of those whose careers began at nought. The Week in Summary Four wickets fell for nought in the single fixture played, the whole harvest gathered by Hunton's bowlers Foord, Hards and Galpin between them — Foord accounting for two of the four, a performance the visiting batting card will not remember fondly. Two debutants and two established campaigners shared the day's disappointments in equal measure, a fair distribution of misfortune by any reckoning. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - F Danells — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - H Graves — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Jack Fryer — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - S Ruck — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% An early season, and the table stands level at its summit — a fine field of candidates for the year's honours, with much cricket yet to be played before the matter is settled. The eleven return to the field presently, and the register of the exclusive zero club remains, as ever, open for further subscription. Members are cordially invited to attend and observe whether fortune favours the willow any better next time out.