🦆 The Duck Pond

Two fixtures went into the book this weekend and, remarkably, the Duck Club has nothing whatsoever to show for it. Not a single nought, not a solitary quack, across both matches. Every batsman who walked to the crease found a way to trouble the scorers, however modestly, and departed with the exclusive zero club firmly barred to new entrants. Frankly it's a scandal. The art of not scoring is a proud and difficult discipline, honed over decades by LPCC's finest, and this weekend the club's batting order simply couldn't be bothered to uphold the tradition. Somewhere, the standings committee is quietly relieved — the leaderboard stays exactly as it was, unmoved and undisturbed. Consider it a fallow weekend for the connoisseur. The ducks are out there, biding their time, and normal service will surely resume before the season closes. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏆 1. Jon Harris — 26 innings, 6 ducks, 23.08% 2. Tim Thirkell — 41 innings, 5 ducks, 12.2% 3. Tony Gauna — 9 innings, 3 ducks, 33.33% 4. Allan Cooper — 12 innings, 3 ducks, 25.0% 5. Ian Brattle — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.0% 🥇 Ian Brattle sits menacingly atop the percentage charts on a coin-flip 50%, though Jon Harris's volume lead keeps him honest at the head of the table proper. Tony Gauna and Allan Cooper lurk not far behind, each capable of a leap up the standings the moment application deserts them for an over or two. Don't get comfortable out there, batsmen of Linton Park. The next fixture is never more than a rash shot away from restocking the pond, and this correspondent will be watching every dismissal with the keenest of interest. 🦆🏏

A quiet week in the exclusive zero club — just the one match, just the one duck — but it's a big name doing the honours, so quality over quantity this time round. 🏏 1st XI v Mersham Hatch (home) Jon Harris strode out at number 8 and departed without troubling the scorers, bowled by D- Bromley. Nothing new for Jon, mind — this is his 6th duck of the 1976 season and his 32nd for the club, keeping him a commanding 12th of 933 in the all-time charts. With 191 innings under his belt he's the very definition of consistency of a very particular kind. Today's effort also ticks another box on the honours board — Jon is a Full House member, having now collected a duck at every position from 1 to 11, and number 8 has duly been stamped. He's also a long-standing Debutante Duck, having gone for nought on his very first senior innings all those years back — proof the habit was there from the start. With 6 already banked this season, Jon sits firmly atop the Duck of the Year 1976 race, and on today's evidence nobody's catching him before the season's out. He's not the only duck-prone Harris in the family either — a relative in the club carries 36 career noughts of his own, so the gene runs deep. And in a lovely bit of calendar symmetry — on this very day back in 1959, S Lusher also trudged off for a duck, against Bowaters CC. History does love to repeat itself in this particular discipline. 📊 Week in Summary One match, one duck, one very familiar face. Not the busiest week the Duck Club has seen, but Jon Harris single-handedly kept the lights on — a true triumph through adversity. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 26 inn, 6 ducks, 23.08% 2. Tim Thirkell — 41 inn, 5 ducks, 12.2% 3. Tony Gauna — 9 inn, 3 ducks, 33.33% 4. Allan Cooper — 12 inn, 3 ducks, 25.0% 5. Ian Brattle — 4 inn, 2 ducks, 50.0% Jon leads the way but the chasing pack isn't far behind — Tony Gauna's 33% strike rate in particular suggests he could make a late charge. Roll on next weekend, when the ducks will no doubt be back in greater numbers. 🍩0️⃣🏏

A rare and troubling silence descends on Linton Park this week. Three fixtures played, not a single member of the top order, middle order, or indeed any order at all, managed to depart for nought. The exclusive zero club, so reliably oversubscribed, sat entirely empty this week. Somewhere in 1976 a Linton batsman is presumably still out there, mid-innings, quietly not getting out for nothing, and frankly it will not do. 🏏 Saturday and beyond Across all three matches the story was the same: bat met ball, runs were scored, however grudgingly, and the Duck Club's honours board gained not a single new entry. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs of the Eloff or Gray variety this week — just eleven-a-side games of conventional, uneventful competence. A dark day for connoisseurs of the art of not scoring. We can only assume the ducks have migrated for the season, or are simply biding their time. Consistency of a very particular kind has, this week, eluded us entirely. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 5 ducks from 25 innings (20.0%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 5 ducks from 41 innings (12.2%) 3. Tony Gauna — 3 ducks from 9 innings (33.3%) 4. Allan Cooper — 3 ducks from 11 innings (27.3%) 5. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks from 4 innings, a startling 50.0% strike rate for nothing whatsoever Jon Harris holds top spot on outright numbers, but Ian Brattle's 50% return is the kind of ratio that turns heads at committee meetings. Tony Gauna and Allan Cooper lurk with menace, both one soft dismissal away from real movement in this table. 📅 Looking ahead Rest assured, the drought will not last. History suggests the ducks are never far away at Linton Park — merely resting, gathering strength, waiting for an unplayable inswinger or a moment's rash impatience against a part-time trundler. Members are reminded that triumph through adversity remains very much on the table, and the honours board has plenty of room left. Until then — bats up, heads down, and may nobody's luck hold much longer. 🦆 0️⃣

A quiet weekend on the duck-hunting front, but what little sport there was came concentrated in one glorious top-order collapse at Staplehurst. Two ducks, one innings, plenty of history disturbed along the way. 1st XI v Staplehurst CC (away, 29 August) Brian Piper departed at first wicket down, caught I Pullen off the bowling of a- Thirkell, for his 2nd duck of the season and 5th of an LPCC career now 49 innings long — good enough for 83rd on the all-time list of 933. Keeping it in the family, his brother David sits on an identical 5 career ducks, so the Pipers are level pegging in the exclusive zero club. And in a pleasing quirk of the calendar, on this very day in 1954 Stan Wratten also strolled back for nought, against D Hambrook XI, en route to a career 33 ducks and 10th place all-time. Tim Thirkell followed him back not long after, run out at number six for his 5th duck of the season and 33rd of his career — 11th on the all-time roll of dishonour. This one has extra weight for the honours board: Tim already holds the Full House (a duck at every position 1 to 11), and number six was merely filling in a well-worn groove. He's also a paid-up member of Duck of the Year 1972, plus the Ducks on the Road and Homebody Duck top tens, and shares Quacking Together status with Jim Hall. Fittingly, he too shared today's date with Stan Wratten's 1954 effort at D Hambrook. It runs in the blood — father John Thirkell owns the club's all-time record outright on 88, brother Nigel sits on 25, and cousin Stuart has 1 of his own. A proper poultry dynasty. The only other fixture of the weekend passed off entirely duck-free — a rare outbreak of competence LPCC will not be dwelling on. Week in Summary Two ducks from two matches, both from the same top order, both at Staplehurst. Tim Thirkell's effort draws him level at the top of this season's charts — the race for Duck of the Year is very much alive. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jon Harris — 5 ducks in 25 innings (20.0%) - Tim Thirkell — 5 ducks in 40 innings (12.5%) - Tony Gauna — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.3%) - Allan Cooper — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.3%) - Ian Brattle — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.0%) A slender field this week, but there's a full programme still to come before the season closes the books. Get out there, middle it — or don't, and give the Duck Club something to write about. See you all next weekend 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three fixtures took the field this week and, for once, the Duck Club's harvest was a lean one — a single nought to show for it. Perhaps the ducks smelled the Bank Holiday coming and made themselves scarce. Midweek XI The trip to face Gravesend CC produced the week's solitary casualty. Brian Piper, batting at number two, departed for nought — caught M Biscombe, bowled Colin Myers — his 4th career duck from 48 innings and the 1st of his 1976 campaign. That places him 95th of 933 in the all-time standings, a respectable perch for a man whose sibling David Piper already carries 5 career ducks of his own — clearly a family with an eye for the art of not scoring. Piper can take some comfort in the calendar: on this very day in 1974, Nigel Thirkell also walked back for nought, against Mersham Hatch of all opposition. Thirkell closed out his 1969–1976 Linton career on 25 ducks — good for 21st of 933 all-time — and a paid-up member of both the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, besides sharing Only Two Quacks honours with Jim Hall. Fine company to keep on a bad day. The remaining two fixtures were, disappointingly, entirely fowl-free — eleven-a-side vegan affairs on both counts, with not so much as a nibble for the Duck Club to report. A quiet week for the harvest, then, but the season race rumbles on regardless. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 5 ducks in 25 innings (20.0%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks in 38 innings (10.53%) 3. Tony Gauna — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.33%) 4. Allan Cooper — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.27%) 5. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks in 4 innings, a startling 50% Ian Brattle's strike rate for nought is one to watch — at that pace he'll be troubling the honours board long before the season's out. Slim pickings this week, but the ducks are never dormant for long. Roll on the next fixture — someone's overdue. 🦆

Four fixtures on the go this week and the Duck Club had to work hard for its supper — only one nought fell to the ledger. Rare is the week the ducks go quiet, but when they do, we savour the one that got through. 🏏 Sunday 1st XI v Lordswood CC Martin Mears, coming in at 7, was undone by Henderson Carrington and trudges back to the pavilion for his 2nd duck of the 1976 season — his 4th for the club overall, from 32 innings, good enough to sit 105th in the all-time list of 932. Martin is also a paid-up member of the Quacking Together honours board alongside Jim Hall, proof that misery does indeed love company. And in a pleasing quirk of the calendar — on this very day in 1964, none other than John Thirkell also fell for nought, against Bowaters CC. Thirkell, who played from 1943 to 1976, sits an imperious 1st of 932 all-time with a staggering 88 career ducks and no fewer than five Duck of the Year titles to his name (1952, 1954, 1955, 1967 and 1971). Martin keeps fine historical company. 📋 Week in Summary Across the other three fixtures, bat met ball rather too successfully for the Duck Club's liking — not a single further nought to report. One duck from four matches is a lean return, but the season standings remain fiercely contested. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 5 ducks in 24 innings (20.83%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks in 36 innings (11.11%) 3. Tony Gauna — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.33%) 4. Allan Cooper — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.27%) 5. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.0%) Tony Gauna and Ian Brattle propping up their strike rates in style — a 50% duck rate is not one you'll find celebrated anywhere else in cricket. 🦆 Onward to the next round of fixtures, where the ducks will surely be back on the march. Get your scorebooks ready — nought is never far away.

🏏 Saturday 7th — away to Headcorn CC The 1st XI's trip to Headcorn produced two early casualties. Colin Dicker fell for his 2nd duck of the season and 22nd of a decorated career (26th all-time of 930), a two-time Duck of the Year (1973 and 1975) proving the honour is never truly retired. On this very date in 1909, C Stevens made his own duck against the Royal West Kent Regiment — the calendar has a long memory. Further down, Jon Harris departed for nought too — his 5th duck of the season, making him the outright pace-setter for Duck of the Year 1976, and his 31st career duck (12th all-time). A paid-up Debutante Duck, a Full House completist (a duck at every position, 1 to 11) and a fixture of both the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, Jon's history runs deep with two of Sunday's ducklings — long-standing "Quacking Together" and "Only Two Quacks" honours shared with Jim Hall and Allan Cooper respectively. His brother-in-quacks Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own. 0️⃣ Sunday 8th — home to Sibton Park CC Sunday delivered exactly the double Jon's honours boards promised. Jim Hall (2nd of the season, 23rd career, 24th all-time) and Allan Cooper (3rd of the season, 14th career, 37th all-time) both departed without scoring in the very same innings — the pair already share an "Only Two Quacks" board from seasons gone, and duly renewed it. Jim remains the Full House nearly-man, agonisingly one position short. Both men's parallel points to Brian Piper, whose duck against Sennocke CC fell on this same date back in 1973. 🥇 Wednesday 11th — home to West Kent Wanderers CC, Midweek XI No name commands more respect in these pages than John Thirkell, and he obliged again — his 2nd duck of the season but a scarcely believable 88th of his career, still comfortably first of 930 on the all-time list. Five separate Duck of the Year titles (1952, 1954, 1955, 1967 and 1971) already grace his mantelpiece. Fittingly, his on-this-day parallel is his own flesh and blood — son Nigel Thirkell, who ducked on this exact date in 1973. Nigel (25 career ducks) and fellow son Tim (32) keep the family name well represented on the honours boards. Alongside him, David Buck opened his season's account with his 2nd career duck from just 6 innings — early days yet, but he comes from good stock, with father William Buck sitting on 28 of his own. By pure coincidence David's parallel is also Nigel Thirkell's 1973 duck. Week in Summary Six ducks fell across three matches. Two came in the very same innings at Sibton Park, and two father-son lines were quietly represented without either completing the set. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season 1976 — Top 5 1. Jon Harris — 5 ducks, 23 innings (21.7%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks, 34 innings (11.8%) 3. Tony Gauna — 3 ducks, 9 innings (33.3%) 4. Allan Cooper — 3 ducks, 11 innings (27.3%) 5. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks, 4 innings (50.0%) Jon Harris leads the chase for Duck of the Year 1976 by some distance, but the season's still young. Bats up, chins up — see you all at the next fixture for the inevitable additions to the list. 🦆

A tidy little haul this week: three matches, three ducks, one apiece — as if the fixture list itself insisted on fair shares for all. 🍩 Saturday 31 July — 1st XI v Bidborough CC (h) Colin Dicker was run out for nought at first drop, his 1st duck of the season and 21st for the club — good enough for 26th of 929 in the all-time reckoning. A two-time Duck of the Year (1973 and 1975) adding quietly to the pile rather than making a fuss of it. Spookily, on this very day back in 1895 Ernest Cruttenden was doing much the same against Headcorn CC — proof that nought has always travelled well at Linton Park. Sunday 1 August — 1st XI v Staplehurst CC (h) Tim Thirkell was bowled by S Howell at number four for his 4th duck of the campaign and 32nd of his career, keeping him a lofty 11th of 929 all-time. Tim's honours board reads like a small library — Full House (a duck at every position 1 to 11), and top-ten residencies in both Lone Duck and Homebody Duck. Fittingly for a surname synonymous with failure to score, he's the son of club legend John Thirkell, whose 87 career ducks still sit unrivalled at number one — the art of not scoring is evidently hereditary. On this day in 1964, Basil Sears was likewise dismissed for nought against Headcorn CC, one of 33 in a fine career between 1947 and 1975. Wednesday 4 August — Midweek XI v Sennocke CC (a) Robert Chance was caught and bowled by K Storey, chancing his arm at five and departing for his 1st duck of the season, 7th of his career — 69th of 929 all time. A long-standing member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell innings, still turning out and still occasionally obliging the scorebook. On this day in 1952, Gordon Fenner made a duck of his own against Lord Cornwallis XI, one of 34 in a career that ran from 1941 to 1973. The week in brief Three matches, three ducks, no repeat offenders and no family affairs this time round — the honours boards can rest easy for now. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Jon Harris — 4 ducks in 21 innings (19.05%) - Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks in 32 innings (12.5%) - Tony Gauna — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.33%) - Ian Brattle — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.0%) - Stan Wratten — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.0%) With the season hunt still wide open at the top, next weekend's fixtures offer plenty more chances for the exclusive zero club to welcome new arrivals — or old friends back for seconds. See you there. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A quiet week at the crease, and a quieter one in the exclusive zero club. 🏏 The Week That Wasn't Three matches played across the club this week and, remarkably, not a single soul offered themselves up to the art of not scoring. Every bat that walked to the middle found its way off the mark, dubious umpiring or otherwise. The Duck Club's scouts were out in force at all three grounds and returned, disappointingly, empty-handed. Whether this is a triumph of application, a temporary loss of nerve among our regulars, or simply bowlers having an off week, the numbers will have to speak for themselves next time. Rest assured the ducks are out there somewhere, biding their time. They always come back. 0️⃣ A word for the faithful: no shame in a week off. Even the great ducking careers of Linton Park had their fallow patches between triumphs. Ian Brattle and Stan Wratten, sitting on a magnificent 50% strike rate apiece this season, will no doubt be relieved of the chance to press on toward an even more startling percentage - for one week only. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 4 ducks from 21 innings (19.05%) 2. Tony Gauna — 3 ducks from 9 innings (33.33%) - a fearsome strike rate for so few chances 3. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks from 31 innings (9.68%) 4. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50.0%) 5. Stan Wratten — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50.0%) Tony Gauna remains the connoisseur's pick here - three ducks in only nine trips to the crease is consistency of a very particular kind. Meanwhile Brattle and Wratten continue their private wager on who can find the middle of the bat least often, honours currently even at 50 apiece. 📅 Looking Ahead The Duck Club committee notes this hiatus with mild suspicion and full confidence it won't last. Fixtures resume shortly, and with them the inevitable next instalment of noughts, nicks and ignominious returns to the pavilion. Get your ducks in early, gentlemen - the leaderboard won't fill itself. We watch. We wait. We celebrate absolutely nothing this week. 🦆

A single fixture took the field this weekend and, remarkably, not a single soul could manage the discipline required for a duck. Eleven bats went out, eleven bats presumably troubled the scorer in some fashion, and the exclusive zero club gained not one new member. A quiet weekend for the connoisseurs of nought. Some correspondents might call this good batting. We prefer to call it a wasted opportunity. The ducks are out there, Linton — they evaded capture only for now, and the hunting season remains very much open. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇🍩 1. Jon Harris — 4 ducks in 21 innings (19.05%) 2. Tony Gauna — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.33%) 0️⃣ 3. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks in 28 innings (10.71%) 4. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.00%) 🏏 5. Stan Wratten — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.00%) 🏏 Special mention to Tony Gauna, Ian Brattle and Stan Wratten, all currently operating at a duck rate that would make a statistician wince — a full third to half of their innings ending in the purest form of failure. Consistency of a very particular kind. With the season's front-runners keeping their powder dry this week, the race for Duck of the Year remains wide open. Next fixture, normal service should resume — bring your bats, gentlemen, and try not to trouble the scorer. The Duck Club awaits. 🦆

Only one match troubled the scorers with quacks this week, but it delivered a proper family occasion. Saturday, 1st XI v Snodland Community CC Ken Webb, in at five, fell to a sharp take by F Waller off the bowling of N-Scudder — his 1st duck of the season and 3rd of a growing career in 60 innings, holding at 134th of 928 on the all-time roll of dishonour. Ten places down the order came the real story: on senior debut, Ian Webb was bowled by W-Beg without troubling the scorers. A duck on his very first outing earns immediate and permanent membership of the Debutante Duck board — 319th of 928, and a lifetime supply of "well, at least you got it out of the way early." 🥚 Duck and Ducklings Father and son both back in the pavilion for nought in the very same innings — Ken his 3rd career duck, Ian his 1st. The rarest ceremony the club offers, and the Webb household will be dining out on it, or possibly not dining out at all, given the collective contribution to the scoreboard. Curiously, on this very day in 1954, Robert Muir (1950-1954) also strolled back for a duck, his 3rd of a career later immortalised on the Retirement Duck board — some things, it seems, are written into the fixture list itself. Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, one shared surname. Not a vintage week for quantity but unimpeachable for quality — a genuine Duck and Ducklings is not manufactured to order. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jon Harris — 4 ducks, 21 inns (19.05%) - Tony Gauna — 3 ducks, 9 inns (33.33%) - Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks, 28 inns (10.71%) - Ian Brattle — 2 ducks, 4 inns (50%) - Stan Wratten — 2 ducks, 4 inns (50%) With Ian Brattle and Stan Wratten both sat on a coin-flip duck rate, next weekend's fixtures offer plenty of scope to settle who blinks first. See you there — bring a bat, or don't bother. 🦆

Three matches in the diary this week, three names added to the club's least wanted list, and the exclusive zero club welcoming its usual mixture of the well-practised and the persistent. 🏏 Saturday 3rd July — Medway Valley (Home) Number eleven Ian Brattle continued his long-running flirtation with nought, bowled D. Bearman for his 2nd duck of the summer and 10th of an already storied career, 18 innings in and good enough for 50th on the all-time list of 927. Long since inducted into the 50 Before a 50 club and still trading on a celebrated run of 7 consecutive ducks in the record books, Ian's name is forever twinned with Michael Beeney's under the Only Two Quacks honour — and with brother Paul Brattle sitting on 17 career noughts of his own, the art of not scoring clearly runs in the Brattle blood. Neatly, on this very day in 1960, Robert Murray (1958–1965) also trudged back for nought against Tovil, en route to 17 career ducks and 32nd on the all-time table. 🏏 Sunday 4th July — Aylesford Paper Mills CC (Away) A rich afternoon for the collection at Aylesford. Martin Mears, batting at eight, was caught A. Lombard bowled Fred Baker without scoring — his 1st duck of the season and 3rd of his career from 29 innings, 136th on the all-time chart. He already carries the Quacking Together honour alongside Jim Hall from an earlier vintage. That same date back in 1973 also claimed Cliff Anscombe (1957–1975), fittingly against Northend Sunday, on his way to 25 career ducks, 20th all-time and Duck of the Year in 1957. Last man Tony Gauna followed not long after, stumped by X. Noel off the bowling of Colin Watson — his 3rd duck of the season and 17th of his career from 72 innings, a lofty 34th on the all-time chart. History clearly has a soft spot for Aylesford fixtures on this date, with the very same 1973 quack keeping him company on the calendar. The week's third fixture, by contrast, passed off disappointingly duck-free — bats straight, heads down, nothing for the archive. 📋 Week in Brief Three ducks from three matches, all in 1st XI colours, with Aylesford Paper Mills CC doing the damage twice over. No pairs, no king pairs, no family affairs to report — just honest, workmanlike quacking. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 4 ducks, 19 innings (21.1%) 2. Tony Gauna — 3 ducks, 9 innings (33.3%) 3. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks, 26 innings (11.5%) 4. Stan Wratten — 2 ducks, 3 innings (66.7%) 5. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks, 4 innings (50.0%) Tony Gauna's afternoon at Aylesford vaults him to 2nd in the race — one more and Jon Harris will need to start looking over his shoulder. 🍩 Next fixture looms, and with it, no doubt, fresh recruits to the fold. Bats up, ducks down, see you all out there.

A quiet week in the coppice, but the Duck Club still opened its ledger. 🏏 Midweek XI Facing Northend Sunday on the 30th, Tony Gauna strode out at number nine and departed as he came, caught P- Gower off the bowling of K Stapley for a duck. Nothing golden about it — he weathered at least a ball before the inevitable — but a duck is a duck, and this one is his 2nd of the 1976 season and 16th in a Linton career now standing at 71 innings. That haul lifts, or rather lowers, him to a very respectable 35th of 927 in the all-time roll of dishonour. Spookily, on this very day back in 1956, R- Robinson also trudged off for nought against St Lukes Maidstone CC — a solitary duck for R- Robinson across his 1956 to 1957 spell, but enough to earn him a permanent place at 389th on the all-time list, and now an unlikely calendar twin in Tony. 📅 Week in Summary Two fixtures played, one duck laid — the other match passed off entirely fowl-free, which either speaks well of Linton's batting or badly of the bowling on offer. Either way, the Duck Club's scouts will be back out this weekend, nets at the ready. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 4 ducks in 16 innings (25.0%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks in 24 innings (12.5%) 3. Stan Wratten — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) 🍩 4. Allan Cooper — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25.0%) 5. Tony Gauna — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25.0%) Stan Wratten's strike rate remains a thing of terrible beauty — two ducks from three visits to the crease is the kind of consistency the rest of the club can only fear. The 1976 season presses on, and with it the eternal question: who's next to join the exclusive zero club? Get down to the next fixture and find out — the ducks are always watching. 🦆0️⃣

Two fixtures on the board this weekend, but only one bowler needed troubling himself with the scorebook. Micky Back helped himself to a brace of ducks in the same innings at West Farleigh, and the Duck Club is delighted to add both to the ledger. 🏏 1st XI — West Farleigh CC (home, Sat 22nd) First to fall was Tim Thirkell, trapped lbw by Micky Back at first wicket down. It's his 3rd duck of the summer and the 31st of an already gilded career spanning 205 innings — good enough for 11th on the all-time list of 927. Tim is a proper honours-board fixture: Duck of the Year 1972, a place in the exclusive Full House club (a duck at every position, one to eleven), fixture of the Homebody, Lone Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens, and one half of Quacking Together with Jim Hall. Keep it in the family too — son John is already up to 87 career ducks of his own, with brother Nigel not far behind on 25. A chip off a very particular block. On this very day in 1935, LPCC stalwart Percy Brattle also strolled back for nought, against Bearsted CC no less — the calendar, it seems, has form. Next out was Tony Gauna at ten, bowled by the rampant Back for his 1st duck of the season and 15th of his LPCC career, in a tidy 70 innings — 36th on the all-time roll of dishonour. No boards to his name yet, but funnily enough it's the very same echo down the years: on this day in 1935, Percy Brattle was also making his own confession to Bearsted CC. Whatever Percy was doing that week in 1935, he was thorough about it. 📅 Week in Summary Two ducks from two matches, both to the same bowler in the same innings — Micky Back can consider his over a genuine two-for. A quiet weekend everywhere else on the fixture list, but the exclusive zero club never sleeps for long. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Jon Harris — 4 ducks / 15 inns (26.67%) - Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks / 22 inns (13.64%) - Stan Wratten — 2 ducks / 3 inns (66.67%) - Allan Cooper — 2 ducks / 8 inns (25.00%) - Mike Iliffe — 2 ducks / 9 inns (22.22%) Stan Wratten's 66.67% remains a masterclass in the art of not scoring — three trips to the crease, two of them entirely fruitless. 🍩 Next fixture awaits, and with it another round of hopefuls queuing for membership of cricket's most dubious distinction. Get your pads on, gentlemen — the ducks are watching.

Three fixtures, six ducks, and the 1st XI shouldering the entire burden this week while the rest of the club watched on, suspiciously unscathed. The exclusive zero club welcomes its newest inductees as warmly as ever. 🏏 Saturday 12th June — away at YMCA Maidstone Stan Wratten, batting at 8, was caught by P- Worsnop off Geoff Dearing for his 2nd duck of the season and 33rd of a long and distinguished career — a lofty 10th of 927 in the all-time table, and a proud member of Quacking Together (with John Ames). On this very day in 1960, John Abnett (1954–1963) also walked back for nought against Halfway House — some anniversaries just won't quit. At 11, Jon Harris fell for his 3rd duck of the season, moving to 29 career ducks (12th of 927). Jon barely needs introducing to this column — Debutante Duck, Duck of the Year 1976, Full House, Homebody and Lone Duck top 10, Tourist Duck top 10, and twin Quacking Together entries with Jim Hall and Trevor Back. His father Richard carries 36 career ducks of his own, so clearly the apple hasn't fallen far. Jon shares Stan's 1960 Abnett anniversary too — a house of noughts, this one. 🏏 Sunday 13th June — away at Bobbing Court CC Paul Brattle opened the batting and opened his season's duck account in the same stroke, caught Weller bowled Elgar for his 1st of the season and 17th career (31st of 927) — a Debutante Duck of long standing. He joins a thoroughly stocked Brattle dynasty on the honours boards: father Frank on 38, kinsman Percy on 16, brother Ian on 9. On this day in 1971, Graham Abel also fell to nought against these very opponents — Bobbing Court seemingly has a taste for it. Debut boy G- Kemsley marked his LPCC bow with an immediate duck at 5, bowled Aylward — one innings, one duck, and a tidy double induction into both One and Done (1976) and Retirement Duck in a single afternoon. Efficient, if nothing else. Then Jon Harris strode out again at 9 and departed again, caught Gorf bowled Aylward, his 4th of the season and 30th career — a grim pair across successive days and grounds, YMCA Maidstone to Bobbing Court CC. The club salutes consistency of a very particular kind. 🏏 Tuesday 15th June — home to Hollingbourne CC Tim Thirkell, first wicket down, was bowled by Tony West for his 2nd duck of the season and 30th career, drawing level with Jon Harris on that very number. On this day in 1969, Frank Brattle also made a duck against Bobbing Court CC. Tim's own bloodline is a duck dynasty in miniature — father John holds the club's all-time record on 87, brother Nigel sits on 25, and kinsman Stuart on a lonely single. Tim adds Duck of the Year 1972, Full House, Homebody and Lone Duck top 10, and Ducks on the Road top 10 to an already crowded mantelpiece. 📋 Week in Summary Six ducks from three matches, every single one falling to the 1st XI — the 2nds, 3rds and 4ths got away scot free this week, which never lasts. Jon Harris's pair keeps him well clear at the head of the season charts, and Bobbing Court CC continue to be an unusually happy hunting ground for the wrong reasons. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jon Harris — 14 inns, 4 ducks (28.6%) - Stan Wratten — 3 inns, 2 ducks (66.7%) - Allan Cooper — 7 inns, 2 ducks (28.6%) - Mike Iliffe — 8 inns, 2 ducks (25.0%) - John Copplestone — 10 inns, 2 ducks (20.0%) Next fixture awaits, and the zero club never closes its books. Bring your bats, gentlemen — or don't bother 🍩0️⃣🦆

Two fixtures, two ducks, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its latest returning members. A quiet weekend by Linton standards, but never let it be said the art of not scoring took a day off. 🏏 Saturday 5th June — Rumwood CC (Home) Batting at nine, Jon Harris departed for nought, caught Rod Bailey bowled Terry Ketley. It's his second duck of the season and a hefty 28th for the career, lodging him at a lofty 15th of 926 in the all-time reckoning — rarefied air. Jon remains very much in the hunt for Duck of the Year 1976, and his honours board reads like a testimonial dinner menu: a Full House man (a duck registered at every position 1 to 11, no mean feat of versatility), a fixture of both the Homebody and Ducks on the Road/Tourist Duck top tens, and a paid-up Debutante Duck since his very first senior dig years back. He also carries Quacking Together credits with both Jim Hall and Trevor Back, and an Only Two Quacks pairing with Allan Cooper — who, handily, turns up chasing him up the season table below. For the genealogists among us, Jon's kin Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own — clearly a family with impeccable shot selection when it matters least. Parallel of the week: on this day in 1973, Terry Donovan (1959–1963) also made a duck against Newport Fugitives, en route to his own 17 and a rank of 32nd. History repeats, as ever, in the most unscoring way possible. 🌱 Sunday 6th June — Sheldwich CC (Away) Opening the innings, John Copplestone fell for nought, caught Jonathan Stanford bowled Graham Mountford. His second duck of the season and, tellingly, only his second in a career of nine innings — an early but unmistakable stamp of intent, currently sat 187th of 926. No honours board entries yet, but the ink dries fast in this club. Parallel of the week: on this day in 1967, none other than John Thirkell — the all-time duck monarch himself, 87 to his name and top of the entire 926-strong table — also fell for nought, against Civil Service CC, Kent. A fine calendar-date companion for a man just two innings into his own collection. Aim high, John. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, one apiece — the 1st XI doing the away and home fixtures in perfect symmetrical style. No pairs, no king pairs, no family affairs to report this week, just two honest, solitary noughts delivered with due ceremony. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Allan Cooper — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% 2. Mike Iliffe — 7 innings, 2 ducks, 28.57% 3. John Copplestone — 9 innings, 2 ducks, 22.22% 4. Jon Harris — 11 innings, 2 ducks, 18.18% 5. Nigel Thirkell — 11 innings, 2 ducks, 18.18% Allan Cooper leads the chase for now, but with this pack packed so tight on percentage, next weekend's fixtures could easily reshuffle the podium. 🍩 Bring your bats, gentlemen — or don't. The Duck Club always has room for new arrivals, and the 0️⃣ awaits at every crease. See you next weekend!

Three fixtures went ahead across the long weekend and, remarkably, the exclusive zero club admitted only one new entry. Quality over quantity, evidently. 🏏 Sunday 29th — 1st XI v Davington Priory CC Opening the innings, Paul Bowles departed early, bowled by T O'Sullivan for his first duck of the season — a modest way to mark it, given the company he keeps. This is Paul's 26th career duck in 247 innings, good enough for 17th on the all-time roll of 926, a list he has graced with genuine distinction: Duck of the Year in both 1966 and 1968, a fixture in the Ducks on the Road top 10, and one half of the Only Two Quacks pairing with Adam Pooley. Consistency of a very particular kind. Fittingly, on this very day in 1972 — four years to the date — Nigel Thirkell also strolled back for nought, against Bearsted CC, one of the 25 career ducks that has him sat just behind Paul at 21st in the all-time standings. 🌱 The Rest of the Weekend Monday's Spring Bank Holiday fixture and Tuesday's follow-up both passed without incident on the duck front — every batsman troubling the scorers at least once, which either speaks well of the batting or poorly of the bowling, we shan't speculate. A rare weekend where restraint, rather than ignominy, carried the day. Three matches, one duck: the quietest haul the club has logged in some time, and Paul Bowles stands alone as the weekend's sole representative of the art of not scoring. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Allan Cooper — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.3%) 🥇 Mike Iliffe — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.3%) 🥉 Nigel Thirkell — 2 ducks in 10 innings (20.0%) 4️⃣ Ian Brattle — 1 duck in 1 innings (100.0%) — triumph through adversity, immediately 5️⃣ Stan Wratten — 1 duck in 2 innings (50.0%) A congested field at the top, with Cooper and Iliffe locked together and Brattle boasting the sort of duck rate the rest of the club can only admire from a safe distance. Plenty of season left for the placings to turn over. The next fixture awaits, and with it the inevitable fresh crop of noughts. Bats up, ducks incoming — see you all pitchside. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Three fixtures across the period, and the exclusive zero club welcomed just two new entries this week — economical in number, but both from the top order of Linton Park pedigree. 🏏 Saturday 22nd May — YMCA Maidstone (h) Jim Hall departed at number 2, bowled by Geoff Dearing, for his 1st duck of the season and 22nd of a long and admirably consistent career — good enough (or bad enough) for 25th on the all-time list of 926. Jim remains a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his own long-ago first innings, a former Duck of the Year (1970), and a fixture of the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens — a duck for every occasion, home or away. He's also just one slot from Full House nearly-man honours, having now ducked from ten of the eleven batting positions available; number 2, it seems, still owed him one. On this very day in 1955, one John Abnett (1954–1963) was performing the identical ceremony against Halfway House, en route to 18 career ducks of his own. 🏏 Sunday 23rd May — Lordswood CC (h) If Jim provided the opener, John Thirkell provided the headline act. Caught P- Moore, bowled R- Hills, John notched his 1st duck of the season and, remarkably, his 87th for the club — a tally that sits utterly alone at the summit, 1st of 926, underwritten by five separate Duck of the Year titles (1952, 1954, 1955, 1967 and 1971). Ducking, for the Thirkells, is something of a family trade — fellow club members Tim (29 career ducks) and Nigel (25) keep the surname handsomely represented on the honours board. Back on this same date in 1959, Basil Sears (1947–1975) was registering his own nought against Gore Court CC, on his way to 33 for the club. The third fixture of the period passed off disappointingly duck-free — all batsmen present, correct, and irritatingly capable of getting off the mark. A quiet week by volume then — 2 ducks from 3 matches — but a heavyweight one by pedigree, with the club's most decorated collector of all time among the fallen. Triumph through adversity, as ever, is a two-way street. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Allan Cooper — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33%) - Mike Iliffe — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33%) - Nigel Thirkell — 2 ducks in 7 innings (29%) - Ian Brattle — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) - Stan Wratten — 1 duck in 2 innings (50%) Nigel Thirkell keeps the family name well up the current standings too — quite the season for the household. Plenty more cricket to come, and the zero club's books remain firmly open for business. See you all at the next fixture. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three fixtures on the fixture card this week, three appointments with the exclusive zero club, and Robert Westrop apparently bowling with the confidence of a man who knows exactly where your off stump lives. 🏏 Saturday 15 May — 1st XI v Headcorn CC (Home) A grim little cluster at the top of the order. In at first drop, Brian Woodcock departed to a fielder the scorebook only dares label "Unsure" — caught b Robert Westrop, out of the attack in style. It's his 1st duck of the season and 1st of his career from just 3 innings, a fledgling entry at 246th of 926 in the all-time reckoning, but a start is a start. One place later, Tim Thirkell fell the very same way — c Unsure b Robert Westrop, honours shared with Brian right down to the fielder's identity crisis. His 1st duck of 1976 is the 29th of a long and decorated career, good enough for 14th on the all-time list. Tim already carries Duck of the Year 1972 among his silverware, sits in the Full House club (a duck at every position, 1 to 11), and features in both the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top tens — fitting, given today's collapse happened in the comfort of his own ground. Splendidly, this very date has previous: on 15 May 1968, Fred Greenfield also strolled back for nought, against Reeds CC no less. 🌱 Sunday 16 May — 1st XI v Woodlands (Kent) (Home) Jon Harris, batting at 8, edged behind — c R Bowen b D- Ord — for his 1st duck of the season and 27th for his career, moving to 16th of 926 all-time. A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his first-ever innings years back, Jon now adds weight to his very active Duck of the Year 1976 campaign, alongside berths in the Ducks on the Road, Tourist Duck, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens — a man who ducks equally well home or away, apparently. On this same date in 1959, the great Bob Arnold (47 ducks, 3rd all-time) also fell for nought. The third fixture of the period passed off disappointingly duck-free — a vegan affair by Duck Club standards. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks from three matches, two of them arriving back to back off the same bowler on the same afternoon. Robert Westrop will not be troubling the Duck Club's most-wanted list officially, but he's certainly doing his bit for membership drives. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season 1976 Leaderboard 1. Allan Cooper — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40% 2. Mike Iliffe — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40% 3. Nigel Thirkell — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40% 4. Ian Brattle — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 5. Stan Wratten — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% Ian Brattle's flawless record is one to watch — a single outing, a single duck, textbook consistency of a very particular kind. Next fixture beckons, and with it, no doubt, fresh candidates for immortality through adversity. Bats up, ducks ready. 🦆🍩

Four matches, eight ducks, and the exclusive zero club adds another chapter to its ledger of dubious distinction. As ever, the art of not scoring found no shortage of practitioners this week. 🏏 1st XI Chatham Nomads (Sat 9th) drew first blood. Nigel Thirkell was caught behind for his 2nd duck of the season and 25th of his career, good enough for 20th on the all-time list and a regular on both the Homebody and Tourist Duck top tens. On this very day in 1959, Brian Mills was performing the identical ritual against St Lukes Maidstone. Mike Iliffe joined the queue, stumped for his 1st duck of the season and 32nd of his career, 9th all time — though as it turned out, he wasn't finished for the week. Two days later at Hunton Wanderers, the top order collapsed in grand style. John Ames departed at number one for his 1st of the season but a mighty 49th career duck, second on the all-time roll and just one quack shy of the exclusive 50 Club. On this day in 1969, John Thirkell — still top of the pile on 86 — was doing exactly the same. Stan Wratten followed for his 32nd career duck, 10th all time, and shares a standing "Quacking Together" credit with Ames on the honours board. Allan Cooper then ran himself out — the guilty fielder lost to the fog of scorebook history — for his 2nd of the season and 13th career duck. And at number 11, Ian Brattle was bowled for his 1st of the season, but the real headline sits on the board: his 9th career duck from a mere 15 innings, and the 7th in an unbroken row. Stan, Allan and Ian all share the same quirk of the calendar: on this day in 1969, John Ames — then a fresh-faced 49 himself — made an identical duck against Gore Court. 🏏 Midweek XI Against Barclays Bank Norwich District (Thu 13th), Mike Iliffe was back among the wickets, caught for his 2nd duck of the season and 33rd of his career — completing a proper pair for the week, one duck apiece for the 1st XI and the Midweek side. John Copplestone fell lbw moments later for the very first duck of his career, from only his 2nd senior innings. On this day in 1961, William Agate did precisely the same against Charles Arkcoll — a fate now shared by both Mike and John. 📊 Week in Summary Eight ducks in four matches, six of them courtesy of the 1st XI, with Hunton Wanderers alone accounting for four of the week's fallen. Mike Iliffe's mid-week pair was the standout feat of consistency of a very particular kind. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Allan Cooper — 2 ducks / 4 inns (50%) 2. Mike Iliffe — 2 ducks / 4 inns (50%) 3. Nigel Thirkell — 2 ducks / 5 inns (40%) 4. Ian Brattle — 1 duck / 1 inns (100%) 5. John Ames — 1 duck / 2 inns (50%) The race for Duck of the Year remains wide open. Next fixture will no doubt add fresh names to the roll — see you there for the inevitable. 🦆🍩

The 1976 campaign creaks back into life, and true to tradition the Duck Club wasted no time reopening the books. Two fixtures played, and the exclusive zero club welcomed exactly one new entry for the weekend — modest, but never underestimate the art of not scoring. 🏏 Sunday — NVKC v Mersham Le Hatch CC Nigel Thirkell, in first wicket down, departed caught behind by W Jeanes off the bowling of A King. A tidy dismissal, no fuss, no fireworks — just the quiet, businesslike efficiency of a man who has been here before. This is Nigel's 1st duck of the new season and his 24th for the club overall from 151 innings, planting him at 22nd of 924 in the all-time table of dubious distinction. He's a fixture on the Homebody Duck top 10 and the Tourist Duck top 10 alike — a rare double showing he can fail to trouble the scorers equally well home or away — and remains one half of the "Only Two Quacks" club alongside Jim Hall. Rather splendidly, 🗓️ on this very day in 1959, Frank Brattle also strolled back for a duck, the second of an eventual 38 across a career running 1937–1963 that still sits him at 5th of 924 — proof that the calendar has long memory even when the scoreboard does not. A word too for the family ledger: Nigel's noughts run in the blood, with father-figure John Thirkell carrying 86 career ducks of his own and brother Tim not far behind on 28 — even young Stuart chips in with one. Should any of them find themselves at the crease together, the honours board may yet need a new category. 📅 Week in Summary One duck from two matches — a quiet weekend by Duck Club standards, but the season is young and the ducks are only just waking up. Early days yet for anyone hunting the 1976 crown. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Trevor Back — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 2. Allan Cooper — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) 3. Nigel Thirkell — 3 innings, 1 duck (33.3%) Trevor Back leads on a perfect record so far, though with only one innings to his name that crown is very much up for grabs. Next fixture beckons, and with it the promise of fresh additions to the honours board. Bat well, or fail spectacularly — either way, the Duck Club is watching. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Two Saturday fixtures marked the dawn of the 1976 Duck Hunting Season, and while most of the club escaped unscathed, the 1st XI's trip to Aylesford Paper Mills CC yielded the season's first brace of ducks, delivered back to back down the order. 🏏 1st XI — Aylesford Paper Mills CC (away, 25 April) At number six, Trevor Back was stumped — Cliff Anscombe swooping in behind the stumps off Colin Watson — for the season's opening duck. It's his first blob of 1976, and his third for the club in 13 innings, good enough for 147th on the club's all-time roll of ignominy. Trevor is a committee man of some standing down at Linton, holding top-ten places on both the Ducks on the Road and Homebody Duck boards — evidently he manages to duck wherever he's playing — and the Lone Duck top ten besides. Neatly, his "Only Two Quacks" honours-board partner is his own team-mate Allan Cooper, who was next out. And on this very date back in 1965, John Ames — 48 ducks across an era-defining 1952-1975 career, second on the all-time list — also trudged off for nought, against Maidstone AKCC. Distinguished company to keep, even in defeat. One place down the order, Allan Cooper followed him back for company, caught off a fielder recorded in the book only as "Unsure" off the bowling of A Keynes. It's Allan's first duck of 1976 too, and his twelfth in a 69-innings career, sitting 40th on the all-time list. He and Trevor share that same "Only Two Quacks" pairing on the board — and today they proved it, walking the same road a ball apart. Fittingly, the calendar repeated itself for Allan as well: this same date in 1965, that man John Ames again, also gone for nought against Maidstone AKCC. Some days the Duck Gods simply insist on a theme. 📊 Week in Summary A tidy two ducks from two fixtures, both from the same 1st XI innings, both middle order, both keeping suspiciously prompt company with one another on the honours boards. No pairs, no families, no golden ducks this week — just a dignified, matching brace to open the 1976 books. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard Early days yet, so it's a two-horse race at the top: - Allan Cooper — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Trevor Back — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Plenty of cricket left for the rest of the club to come charging through and knock this pair off their perch. 🦆 Next up: more scorecards, more nought-watch, and no doubt more names queuing for the honours board. The Duck Club never rests — see you next weekend.