🦆 The Duck Pond

Season's tail end at Linton Park, and Chelsfield CC popped by to collect the club's one and only contribution to the zero column this week. 1st XI Batting at four, Kevin Presneill fell to the classic combination of Caught Unsure, Bowled Wakeman — a fielder whose identity remains, fittingly, as blank as the scorecard next to Kevin's name. It's his 4th duck of the season and the 15th of a career now standing at 124 innings, good enough to rank him 69th of 1364 names on Linton's all-time roll of dishonour. A man building a reputation, one blob at a time. Spookily, on this very day back in 1964, Robert Murray was going through precisely the same ritual against Linton Park CC — one of 17 ducks across a career that ran from 1958 to 1965, and worth 65th place in the all-time standings. Cricket's ducks may be dumb animals, but apparently they know their calendar. A slim week for the exclusive zero club — one match, one duck, one man left to explain himself to the tea urn. Even the Duck Club needs a rest day occasionally. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Mark Christmas — 31 innings, 7 ducks, 22.58% - Rob Doick — 14 innings, 5 ducks, 35.71% - Joe Martin — 17 innings, 5 ducks, 29.41% - Thomas Beeney — 27 innings, 5 ducks, 18.52% - Chris Newman — 29 innings, 5 ducks, 17.24% Rob Doick's numbers remain the standout worry — more than a third of his innings this season have ended before they got going. A man giving the top of the table a real fright. That's the lot for this round, but the season isn't done yet. Next fixture brings fresh opportunity for someone to join the honours board — pads on, bats loose, and may the odds be ever in your favour. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Two fixtures on the go this weekend and, for once, the ducks proved elusive — only a single addition to the exclusive zero club to report. Quality over quantity, evidently. 🏏 Saturday, Sidcup CC The lone representative came at number 7, where Matthew Carter fell b Daniel Dark without troubling the scorers. It's his first duck of the 2008 campaign, and his 17th in senior colours from 110 innings — good enough for 63rd on the all-time leaderboard, a table of 1,363 names deep. Consistency of a very particular kind. Carter is, of course, a fully paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his LPCC account with nought all those years ago, and he still carries the 2004 Duck of the Year sash in the trophy cabinet from a rather more prolific vintage. This one merely adds to the pile. He now sits shoulder to shoulder with Clive Newman, who plied his trade from 1992 to 2008 and parked himself on exactly the same 17 career ducks across 369 innings, one place above at 62nd. Two careers, seventeen noughts apiece — the art of not scoring, perfected independently. 📅 Week in Summary Two matches, one duck — a quiet weekend by Duck Club standards, and frankly a triumph of adversity avoided rather than embraced. The rest of the batting lineups, on both days, declined to cooperate with our correspondent. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — Top 5 - Mark Christmas — 7 ducks, 31 innings, 22.58% - Rob Doick — 5 ducks, 14 innings, 35.71% - Joe Martin — 5 ducks, 17 innings, 29.41% - Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks, 27 innings, 18.52% - Chris Newman — 5 ducks, 28 innings, 17.86% Rob Doick still leads the pack on strike rate with better than one duck in every three visits to the crease — a percentage the rest of the club can only admire from a respectful distance. Quiet week, but the season's far from over. Next fixture, more willow, more wickets, and surely a fresh crop of nought-scorers to welcome into the fold. Bats up, standards low — see you all next weekend 🦆🍩

A modest but perfectly formed haul this week: four ducks laid across four fixtures as the 2008 season enters its final furlong. The exclusive zero club welcomes no new faces but shuffles its existing membership nicely. Saturday 13th September — 1st XI v National Winners Andrew Moss fell for nought at first drop, done in by a bowler even the scorer gave up trying to identify ("b Unsure" — cricket's oldest and most honest confession). It's his 1st duck of the season and 11th of a fine career, lodging him at 86th in the all-time table from 135 innings. Andrew is also a long-standing member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell innings. Spookily, on this very date in 2003 Christopher Thirkell (1998–2008) also strolled back for a duck, against Upchurch CC — the calendar repeating itself five years on to the day. Wednesday 17th September — Midweek XI v Penshurst Park CC Michael Beeney was bowled by Bass Simpson without scoring, his 3rd duck of the season and 29th of an increasingly decorated career, good enough for 34th all-time from 223 innings. That tally draws him level with the legendary Paul Gibson (1984–2008, 486 innings), a fellow member of the Platinum Duck set. Michael himself carries the rare Diamond Duck (2002, out without facing a ball) and Only Two Quacks honours — and keeps it in the family, with kin Thomas Beeney sitting on 12 career ducks of his own. Sunday 14th September — Sunday 1st XI v Anchorians CC A productive afternoon for the club, if not for the batting card. Joe Martin was trapped lbw by James Hockley for his 5th duck of the season — a tally that now sees him featuring in the season's own top five — and 8th career duck from 40 innings, 117th all-time. Joe is a paid-up Debutante Duck club member from his actual first senior innings some time ago. He now joins Adam Jackson (2001–2007, 87 innings) on exactly 8. Later in the same innings, Iain Rawson edged behind for his 2nd duck of the season, caught off James Hockley for his 4th career nought from 31 innings, 178th all-time. Nicely, that leaves him level with his own brother Glen Rawson, who also sits on precisely 4 career ducks — sibling solidarity in the art of not scoring. Week in summary Four ducks from four matches, with the Anchorians fixture alone responsible for half the week's harvest. One fixture in the period stayed refreshingly duck-free — a rare vegan affair for the club's poultry connoisseurs. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Mark Christmas — 7 ducks, 30 innings (23.3%) - Rob Doick — 5 ducks, 14 innings (35.7%) - Joe Martin — 5 ducks, 16 innings (31.3%) - Chris Newman — 5 ducks, 27 innings (18.5%) - Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks, 27 innings (18.5%) Rob Doick's strike rate remains the most alarming statistic in the club, while Joe Martin's Sunday effort keeps him firmly in the hunt for Duck of the Year. 🏏 Next fixture looms and, as ever, the zero club has vacancies. Bring your bat, bring your luck, and we'll see who's added to the honours board next time. 🍩0️⃣🦆

A single fixture on the books this week, and for once the Duck Club's nets came back empty. Not one nought to report from Linton Park's solitary outing — eleven batsmen (or however many troubled the crease) apparently decided that getting off the mark was the order of the day. A quiet, almost suspicious, weekend for the exclusive zero club. We shan't pretend to be anything other than disappointed. The art of not scoring is a proud Linton tradition, and it takes a rest week like this one to remind us how rarely it lets us down. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs at the crease — just eleven undisturbed innings and a correspondent left twiddling his pen. Even the umpires must have been bored. Still, the season's tally stands unmoved rather than unmanned, and the race for Duck of the Year rumbles on regardless of this week's abstinence. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏆 - 🥇 Mark Christmas — 7 ducks from 28 innings (25.0%) - 🥈 Rob Doick — 5 ducks from 13 innings (38.46%) — the purest strike rate in the field, for all the wrong reasons - 🥉 Chris Newman — 5 ducks from 27 innings (18.52%) - 4️⃣ Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks from 27 innings (18.52%) - 5️⃣ Joe Martin — 4 ducks from 15 innings (26.67%) Rob Doick's near-40% duck rate remains the standout piece of consistency this season — triumph through adversity if ever there was one, though we suspect he'd rather it were a batting average. So the honours board takes a breather this week, unbothered and undisturbed. But 🦆 patience is a Duck Club virtue 🦆 — the next fixture will surely restock the aviary. Get down to Linton Park, take guard, and give the correspondent something to write about. The ducks are only ever one ball away.

A quiet week in the paddock, but the Zero Club still opened its books twice this weekend, so let's get to it. Saturday 30 August 🏏 1st XI v Hollingbourne CC (away) Number two Glen Rawson departed bowled by Trevor Scrivens, his second duck of the season and fourth for his LPCC career from 56 innings — a tidy 176th on the all-time list of 1363. He now sits shoulder to shoulder with Iain Cardew, who reached the very same tally of four ducks in a rather more concentrated 19 innings across 1994–2008. Different eras, identical arithmetic — the exclusive zero club doesn't care when you join, only that you do. Worth a mention too: Glen's sibling Iain Rawson already carries three career ducks of his own, so the family clearly has an eye for the art of not scoring. 🏏 2nd XI v Headcorn CC (away) Chris Newman was stumped by Paul Millen off Robert Sparks at number four, his fifth duck of the season and eighteenth of a long and distinguished LPCC career spanning 91 innings — 58th in the all-time standings, a rank he shares in spirit with Russell Baldwin, who also settled on 18 ducks across 208 innings between 1988 and 2006. Chris's father Clive Newman is himself no stranger to these pages, sitting on 17 career ducks — proof, if any were needed, that a taste for the duck can run in the blood without either generation actually meeting for one this week. Week in Summary Four matches, two ducks — the hunting was lean this time round, with both casualties falling on the same Saturday and both teams otherwise keeping their noses clean. No pairs, no king pairs, no family affairs to report — occasionally the ducks simply evade capture, and this was one of those weeks. Steady as she goes. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Mark Christmas — 7 ducks / 28 inn (25%) 2. Rob Doick — 5 ducks / 13 inn (38.46%) 3. Chris Newman — 5 ducks / 27 inn (18.52%) 3. Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks / 27 inn (18.52%) 5. Joe Martin — 4 ducks / 15 inn (26.67%) Rob Doick's strike rate remains genuinely alarming — nearly two in five innings ending in nought is triumph through adversity of the highest order. 🥚 The season presses on, and with it the inevitable next instalment. See you at the crease — or, more likely, straight back off it. 🦆0️⃣

Two matches on the fixture list this week, but the harvest came from just the one ground, where Headcorn CC's Adam Tyler apparently decided the LPCC middle order had seen quite enough of the cricket ball. 🏏 1st XI v Headcorn CC (home) In at five, Mark Christmas departed caught Peter Westrop bowled Adam Tyler, and with it notches his 7th duck of the season and 19th of an illustrious career spanning 144 innings — good enough for 56th on the all-time list of 1363. Seven ducks in a season is precisely the kind of form that gets a man's name etched on the Duck of the Year 2008 board, and with the campaign's top spot currently his (see below), Mark is very much the man to catch. He remains, rather touchingly, a nearly-man on the Full House honours board, one position shy of having ducked at every spot from 1 to 11 — truly the completest's curse. On this very date back in 1981, Brian Piper (1973–2008, 23 ducks, 46th all-time) was also trudging off against Old Anchorians CC, so at least Mark walks in good historical company. One place further down, Kevin Presneill fell bowled Adam Tyler for his 3rd duck of the season, taking him to 14 for his career from 120 innings and 72nd on the all-time chart. Adam Tyler thus doubled up in the same innings, a fine advert for line and length over the art of scoring. Kevin, too, finds himself keeping Brian Piper company on this same 1981 anniversary — a duck seems to be quite the traditional way to mark 23 August at Linton Park. 📊 Week in Summary A modest but efficient haul: 2 ducks from 2 matches, both credited to the same Headcorn bowler in the same innings — Adam Tyler will sleep well tonight. No pairs, no family affairs, no golden ducks to report this week, just two honest, hard-earned zeros in the great LPCC tradition of not scoring. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season 2008 — Leaderboard 1. Mark Christmas — 26 inns, 7 ducks, 26.92% 2. Rob Doick — 12 inns, 5 ducks, 41.67% 3. Thomas Beeney — 27 inns, 5 ducks, 18.52% 4. Joe Martin — 14 inns, 4 ducks, 28.57% 5. Chris Newman — 25 inns, 4 ducks, 16.00% Mark Christmas holds a slender lead at the top, but Rob Doick's frankly alarming 41.67% strike rate for failure means nobody is safe. The season race for the coveted Duck of the Year crown is very much alive. Roll on next weekend — the exclusive zero club never sleeps, and there's always room for one more member. 🦆0️⃣

Four fixtures across the club this week, but only one of them had the stomach for it. Cobham CC, Kent, away, delivered the entire week's harvest — three ducks in a single innings, two of them freshly minted members of the exclusive zero club. Saturday 16 August — 2nd XI at Cobham CC, Kent (away) - Darren Styles departed for nought, caught Martyn Turnnidge bowled David Andrews. His 2nd of the season and 13th of a career now 192 innings deep, good enough for 73rd on the all-time list of 1363. He draws level with Kevin Presneill, who reached the same 13 in a rather more efficient 119 innings across 2001–2008 — consistency of a very particular kind, evidently, comes in more than one flavour. - Next to fall was Alan Probert, bowled by the same David Andrews, gone without troubling the scorers. It was his very first innings in Linton colours, so the Debutante Duck honours board welcomes its newest name in the only fashion it knows how: immediately. On this very day in 1953, club great John Ames also made a duck, against Mote A, on his way to 49 for the season and a rank of 11th of 1363 all time. - Then Harry Bee, caught Turnnidge again, bowled Duncan Fitness, also gone for a debut duck — Martyn Turnnidge doing the honours in the field twice in the same innings. Harry's name goes up alongside Alan's on the Debutante Duck board, and, should this remain his only Linton innings, on the Quack-to-Quack roll too — though the club sincerely hopes it will not come to that. Like Alan, he shares his parallel with John Ames, dismissed for nought on this exact date back in 1953. Elsewhere The 1st, 3rd and 4th XIs all kept a clean sheet this week — thoroughly disappointing for the Duck Club, thoroughly satisfactory for everyone else. Week in summary Three ducks from four matches, the lot of them at Cobham, and a rare double debut into the bargain — two new members inducted to the Debutante Duck board in the very same innings. Martyn Turnnidge can also file a quiet claim to being this week's most dangerous man in the field, with two catches to his name. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Mark Christmas — 25 inn, 6 ducks (24%) 2. Rob Doick — 11 inn, 5 ducks (45.45%) 3. Thomas Beeney — 26 inn, 5 ducks (19.23%) 4. Joe Martin — 14 inn, 4 ducks (28.57%) 5. Chris Newman — 24 inn, 4 ducks (16.67%) Rob Doick's strike rate remains a thing of terrible beauty. Who adds their name to the list next weekend? We watch. We wait. We celebrate. 🦆🍩

A slim but perfectly formed harvest this week: three ducks from three fixtures, proof that the art of not scoring never truly rests, even in a quiet week. 🏏 Midweek XI Away at The Mote CC on the 12th, Kevin Presneill became the week's opener into the exclusive zero club, caught Robert O'Brien off the bowling of Paul Merwood at number four. It's Kevin's 2nd duck of the season and his 13th for the club from 118 innings, lodging him at 74th of 1359 in the all-time roll of dishonour. That tally draws him level with Rob Jackson, who played 2001 to 2006 and reached the same 13 in a rather brisker 65 innings — Kevin has taken the scenic route to the same address, and a Duck of the Year 2002 winner is now his neighbour on the board. 🌱 Sunday 1st XI Home to East Sutton CC on the 10th, the top order and middle order both had a nibble. Mark Christmas opened and departed caught and bowled by Ali Carter without troubling the scorers — his 6th duck of the season, stretching his grip on Duck of the Year 2008 rather emphatically. It's also his 18th career duck from 142 innings, 58th of 1359 all time, and he remains cruelly one position shy of completing the set as a Full House nearly-man. Mark now sits level on 18 with Russell Baldwin, who plied his trade 1988 to 2006 across 208 innings to get there — Mark is matching him at a rather more urgent pace. Further down at number seven, Ray Dixon was bowled by Darren Thompson for his 2nd duck of the season, taking his career total to 10 from just 36 innings — 100th of 1359 overall, and a paid-up Duck of the Year 2007 alumnus reminding everyone he's been here before. Ray joins Craig Sands on 10 career ducks, though Craig required 239 innings to get there — some achieve failure efficiently, others make an entire career of it. 📊 The Week in Brief East Sutton CC did the double, claiming two of the week's three scalps, while The Mote CC picked up the other. Three matches, three ducks, no pairs, no golden ducks and no family affairs to report — a restrained week by Linton standards, but the season race marches on regardless. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Mark Christmas — 24 inns, 6 ducks, 25.0% - Rob Doick — 11 inns, 5 ducks, 45.45% - Thomas Beeney — 25 inns, 5 ducks, 20.0% - Joe Martin — 14 inns, 4 ducks, 28.57% - Chris Newman — 23 inns, 4 ducks, 17.39% Mark Christmas leads the way and looks in no mood to relinquish his Duck of the Year crown, but Rob Doick's fearsome 45% strike rate suggests the chasing pack shouldn't be written off yet. 🦆 The season rolls on and the next fixture is never short of candidates. Bats at the ready, ducks at the door — see you on the next scorecard!

The zero club had a proper working week, six new entries to the ledger of dubious distinction across three fixtures. Grab a programme. 1st XI — v Shipbourne CC (home, 2 Aug) A genuine procession here, with the exclusive zero club welcoming four new members in a single innings — and Barry Hart personally responsible for three of them. Paul Gibson fell c Barry Hart b Neil Lee-Amies for his 1st duck of the season and 29th of his career, sliding into 34th on the all-time list. A paid-up Platinum Duck laureate from way back in 1991 (out first ball of the game), Paul at least kept the streak dignified this time. On this very day in 1944, E- Humphreys was doing much the same thing for a wartime Linton XI. Mark Christmas went lbw b Barry Hart, his 4th of the season and 16th career — drawing level with Matthew Carter (2002–2008), fellow Debutante Duck and Duck of the Year 2004 alumnus. Mark himself sits proudly atop the current Duck of the Year 2008 charge and remains agonisingly one short of the Full House (10 of 11 positions and counting). This would not be his only appearance this week — see below. Rob Doick was next to go, b Barry Hart, his 5th of the season and a hefty 30th career duck, good for 30th all-time. Consistency of a very particular kind. He too shares his on-this-day moment with the departed E- Humphreys of 1944. Richard Knowler completed the collapse, c Andrew Gillam b Barry Hart, his 2nd of the season and 2nd career, joining Graham Walker (1998–2007) on that very tally. Tour XI Mark Christmas struck again on tour at Grimsby Town CC (6 Aug), c O King b A Hardy, for his 5th of the season and 17th career — completing a grim pair for the week, Shipbourne to Grimsby without so much as troubling the scorer. On this day in 2005, Dave Todd (1978–2008) was similarly occupied against Town Malling. Thomas Beeney closed the week's business at Louth (7 Aug), caught off M- Roberts for his 5th of the season and 12th career, level with Darren Styles (1989–2008, 191 innings) on the same total. Thomas is a card-carrying Debutante Duck member from his actual first-ever innings, and a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top 10 — a chip off the old block too, with relative Michael Beeney sitting on 28 career noughts of his own. Week in summary Six ducks from six matches, with Shipbourne CC doing the heaviest lifting — four in one innings, three of them Barry Hart's doing. Mark Christmas was the week's standout non-achiever, bagging a pair either side of the weekend and cementing his grip on the season's top spot. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Rob Doick — 5 ducks, 11 innings (45.45%) 2. Mark Christmas — 5 ducks, 23 innings (21.74%) 3. Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks, 24 innings (20.83%) 4. Joe Martin — 4 ducks, 12 innings (33.33%) 5. Chris Newman — 4 ducks, 22 innings (18.18%) The season race is finely poised at the top. Next fixture, someone new will surely offer themselves up to the cause — the art of not scoring waits for no one. 🍩🏏0️⃣

Five ducks shuffled onto the register across four matches this week, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its newest inductees with all the solemnity such distinction deserves. 🏏 1st XI — away to Mersham Sports CC Stewart Morrison departed for nought, caught Kevin Burton bowled Kevin Wise — his first duck of the season and the 42nd of an illustrious career, good enough for 18th on the all-time list. A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, a former Duck of the Year (2000), a nearly-man in the Full House stakes and a fixture of the Lone Duck top ten, Stewart is thoroughly institutionalised in these pages. His sibling Phillip carries two career noughts of his own, so a talent for not troubling the scorer clearly runs in the blood. On this very day back in 1940, J Short was performing the identical ceremony — some rituals never go out of fashion. 🏏 2nd XI — home to Rumwood CC Tom Murphy fell bowled Lee Marsh for his third duck of the season and seventh of his career, drawing level with Carl Davis, who racked up the same tally between 1994 and 2008 and, fittingly, bowed out on a duck himself. Tom now sits 134th on the all-time list — plenty of runway left to climb, or rather, plenty of ducks left to lay. 🌱 Midweek XI — home to Ipswich Greyhounds CC (Kent Tour XI) A vintage afternoon for the Duck Club, with three noughts recorded in the very same fixture. Craig Sands went caught Ed Thorogood bowled S Rutt for his first duck of the season and tenth of his career, 94th on the all-time roll. This fixture has form for it too — Fred Cheesman made a duck against these very tourists on this exact day in 1997, en route to two Duck of the Year titles and a place in the Full House hall of infamy. Chris Newman was bowled B Dawson for his fourth duck of the season, good enough for third in this year's Duck Hunting Season table, and his 17th career duck — landing him 60th all time and exactly level with his own kin, Clive Newman, on the very same total. A proper family heirloom of a number. Gareth Davies completed the hat-trick of humiliation, bowled D Smith for his first duck of the season and tenth career duck, 97th on the all-time roll, sharing his on-this-day company with Fred Cheesman too. 📊 Week in Summary Five ducks, four matches, one fixture doing the heavy lifting with a triple helping courtesy of the Midweek XI. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Rob Doick — 4 ducks in 10 innings (40.0%) - Joe Martin — 4 ducks in 12 innings (33.33%) - Chris Newman — 4 ducks in 18 innings (22.22%) - Thomas Beeney — 4 ducks in 19 innings (21.05%) - Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks in 10 innings (30.0%) Rob Doick keeps his nose in front for now, but the season is far from over and the standings have every chance of a shake-up next weekend. Bats at the ready — the ducks are watching.

Four fixtures, four ducks, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees. Here's how the weekend unfolded. 🏏 Saturday — 1st XI v Staplehurst CC Three ducks fell at Staplehurst, two of them off the very same bowler. Mark Christmas departed at five, caught behind off S Wavell, for his 3rd duck of the season and 15th of a career now 136 innings deep — 68th of 1353 all time. He remains firmly in this year's Duck of the Year 2008 conversation, and edges closer to a grim Full House, having now ducked from 10 of his 11 batting positions. Spookily, on this very day back in 1975, Jon Harris was also trudging back for nought, against Tilling Steven — Harris would go on to retire with 89 career ducks, second on the all-time roll of dishonour. Michael Beeney followed at ten, bowled by Tim Watts, for his 2nd of the season and 28th of a career — 34th of 1353, drawing level on tally with Paul Gibson (1984–2008, 480 innings). Michael already shares the exclusive Only Two Quacks club with Ian Brattle, carries a Diamond Duck from 2002 (out without facing a ball) and a Retirement Duck from a past farewell — not, we hasten to add, an announcement about this one. Also worth noting: kinsman Thomas Beeney is no stranger to the club either, sitting on 11 career ducks of his own. Last man Ian Hollingworth completed the rout, also bowled by Tim Watts, opening his season account and moving to 8 career ducks from a mere 29 innings — 116th of 1353, level with Adam Jackson (2001–2007). 🏏 Sunday — 1st XI v Blue Star CC Joe Martin fell at four, bowled by Kenny Crump, for his 4th duck of the season — good enough for outright second in the current Duck Hunting Season standings — and 7th of his career from 34 innings, 130th of 1353, level with Carl Davis (1994–2008). Joe is also a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his senior account with a duck long before this one. 📋 Week in Summary Four ducks across four matches — nobody threatened a pair, let alone a king pair, and the family honours board stayed mercifully quiet this time round. But spare a thought for Staplehurst's tail, where numbers ten and eleven both fell to Tim Watts without scoring — a proper procession to close the innings. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Rob Doick — 4 ducks / 9 innings (44%) - Joe Martin — 4 ducks / 10 innings (40%) - Thomas Beeney — 4 ducks / 17 innings (24%) - Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33%) - Chris Newman — 3 ducks / 16 innings (19%) More cricket, more chances for glorious failure next weekend. Who fancies joining the club? 🦆🍩0️⃣

🏏 Saturday 12 July — Mersham Sports CC (2nd XI) First to the crease and first to depart was Richard Piper, bowled by Simon Osborne at number two for his 2nd duck of the 2008 season and the 47th of an ever-distinguished career — good enough for 14th on the all-time list of 1352. Piper is a paid-up member of the Full House board (a duck at every position, 1 to 11) and sits comfortably inside both the Homebody and Lone Duck top tens, proof that he's willing to fail anywhere, home or away, top or tail. Rather charmingly, on this very day in 1964 one Len Conway was doing exactly the same thing against Claributs Circus — some traditions in this game run deeper than the scorebook. Richard isn't even his family's leading light in nought-collecting either — father Brian carries 23 career ducks and brother James 7, so the surname arrives with a certain pedigree attached. Eight places further down, Simon Thirkell was bowled by Alex Cadogan for his 1st duck of the season, his 57th overall, and 8th in the all-time table. A long-standing member of the 50 Before a 50 club (59 ducks, high score a chanceless 48) and a three-time Duck of the Year (1983, 2001 and 2006 — the latter a genuine Runaway Duck season, a whole summer without troubling the scorers), Simon shares his on-this-day twin with Piper: Len Conway again, also dismissed on 12 July way back in 1964. Simon scarcely needs the kin column for company regardless — the Thirkell name is practically a duck dynasty unto itself, father John on 90, brothers Tim on 82 and Nigel on 58, with Christopher, Daniel, Tom and Stuart all keeping the family average respectably low. Quacking, evidently, runs in the blood. 📋 Week in summary A restrained week by Linton's usually generous standards — just two ducks recorded across three matches in the period, both falling in the very same innings against Mersham Sports CC. No pairs, no king pairs, and no family affairs to ceremonially announce this time — simply two old campaigners doing what they've built entire careers doing. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Rob Doick — 4 ducks in 9 innings (44.4%) - Thomas Beeney — 4 ducks in 16 innings (25.0%) - Joe Martin — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.3%) - Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.3%) - Chris Newman — 3 ducks in 15 innings (20.0%) Rob Doick leads the chase for Duck of the Year, but with the Thirkell name already on the board twice this week and Tim lurking in the top five, the family may yet make a proper claim of its own before the season's out. 🦆 The exclusive zero club never rests for long — same time next round, same invitation: bring your bat, and preferably don't trouble it. See you at the next fixture, ducks willing.

A quieter weekend in the exclusive zero club, but three names still queued up to sign the book of dubious distinction. Saturday — 2nd XI v Staplehurst CC Chris Newman departed at number 7, bowled by Jack Davey, for his 3rd duck of the season. That takes him to 16 for the career, sliding into 64th spot of 1,352 all time — level on the nose with Matthew Carter (2002–2008, 102 innings), who also picked up a Debutante Duck and the 2004 Duck of the Year gong along the way. It's a family trade too — kinsman Clive Newman sits just one duck ahead on 17, so the not-scoring runs in the blood. Sunday — 1st XI v Locksbottom CC (away) A rough afternoon for the top order. Opener Tom Murphy holed out c & b Chris Hollands without scoring, his 2nd duck of the season and 6th for the career, good for 148th of 1,352 all time. On this very day in 1968, Paul Bowles was doing exactly the same against Charles Arkcoll — the start of a career that would eventually run to 54 ducks and two Duck of the Year titles. Hollands wasn't finished there. Joe Martin, in at four, was stumped off the very same bowler for his 3rd duck of the season — level with Tom on 6 career ducks but from far fewer innings (33 to Tom's 40), a rate heading somewhere distinctly uncomfortable. Joe already carries the Debutante Duck badge from his first-ever senior knock, so this is very much a repeat offence. Fittingly, he shares the same slice of history with Paul Bowles's 1968 special. Week in Brief Three matches, three ducks, and one thoroughly productive bowler in Chris Hollands, who claimed both Locksbottom scalps in a single innings. No pairs, no king pairs and no family affairs this week — the ducks kept their powder dry for another day. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Rob Doick — 4 ducks / 9 inns (44.4%) 2. Thomas Beeney — 4 ducks / 14 inns (28.6%) 3. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks / 8 inns (37.5%) 4. Joe Martin — 3 ducks / 9 inns (33.3%) 5. Chris Newman — 3 ducks / 14 inns (21.4%) Rob Doick still leads the chase but the field is tight behind him. Who fancies adding their name to the honours board next weekend? The nought awaits. 🍩0️⃣🦆

A tidy little haul this week — four ducks scattered across six fixtures, headlined by a two-for-one special from one unfortunate bowling spell. 🏏 Midweek XI v Portsmouth and Southsea CC (2 July) Chris Jones enjoyed himself enormously in this one, claiming a brace for the zero club. Joe Martin went first, back to the pavilion at number five for his 2nd duck of the season and 5th of his career from 32 innings — rank 156 of 1352 — drawing level with Tom Murphy, who played 2006–2008 and reached the same tally in 38 innings. Joe remains a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his very first innings, though this one's firmly a repeat offence. Moments later Chris Newman followed him back, also b Chris Jones, for his own 2nd of the season and 15th career duck in 76 innings — rank 66 of 1352. On this very day in 2005, club stalwart Simon Thirkell was also walking back for nought, against Leeds & Broomfield CC. Chris keeps it in the family too — his relative Clive Newman carries 17 career ducks of his own, so the zero gene clearly runs deep. 🌱 Sunday 2nd XI v Chevening Amblers CC (29 June) Patrick Hill fell for 1st duck of the season, caught Mike Franklin bowled William Fry after four balls of defiance — his 1st career duck in just 2 innings, rank 554 of 1352. He joins "- Howard", whose entire senior career amounted to a single 2006 innings and a single duck, complete with Debutante, One and Done, and Retirement Duck honours all in one go. Patrick has rather more cricket ahead of him, one hopes. ⚡ Twenty20 v West Farleigh CC (1 July) Opening the batting is a brave place to court disaster, and Richard Piper duly obliged, caught Alan Smith bowled Jack Rollo without troubling the scorers for his 1st duck of the season. This is his 46th career duck from 390 innings, rank 15 of 1352, drawing level with Mike Elworthy, who reached the same total across 482 innings between 1982 and 2008. Richard's honours board is a thing of beauty — Duck of the Year 2003, the exceedingly rare Full House for ducking at every position 1 to 11, and top-ten placings in both Lone Duck and Homebody Duck. A proper family trade too, with relative Brian Piper on 23 career ducks and James Piper on 7 — the Pipers know their way to the pavilion. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks from six matches, with Midweek XI supplying half the tally courtesy of one very effective spell from Chris Jones. Openers and middle order alike found ways to fail spectacularly — proper equal-opportunity ignominy. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Rob Doick — 4 ducks in 9 innings (44.44%) 2. Thomas Beeney — 4 ducks in 14 innings (28.57%) 3. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks in 7 innings (42.86%) 4. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.33%) 5. Jack Jenner — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25.0%) Rob Doick sets the pace at a frankly alarming clip. Plenty of season left for the chasing pack — see you all next weekend for the next instalment 🍩0️⃣🦆

Five fixtures on the books this weekend, and the exclusive zero club processed six new membership applications between Saturday and Sunday — including one shared enrolment that doesn't come along often. Saturday 21st — 2nd XI v Hollingbourne CC (h) A proper cluster at home. Glen Rawson opened the innings and opened his season's account, caught Dave Latter bowled Dave Carter for his 1st duck of the campaign and 3rd of his career — 213th on the all-time list. Jack Jenner followed, bowled by Steve Wilson for his 2nd of the season and 10th of a career that already carries Retirement Duck honours from a past farewell — 96th all-time and no danger of retiring twice. Then Tim Thirkell strolled out at eight and strolled straight back, bowled Matt Jones Jnr for his 3rd duck of the season. Tim needs no introduction here — 82 career ducks, 3rd on the all-time roll, a walking honours board (Duck of the Year 1972, Full House, Homebody and Lone Duck top tens, Quacking Together with Jim Hall) — and comes from proper duck stock besides, a parent-child link with John Thirkell (90 career ducks), brothers Nigel (58) and Simon (56), and a further clutch of Thirkells all paid-up members. The gene pool runs deep and the bat stays dry. Rounding things off, Iain Rawson was caught Steve Wilson bowled Matt Jones Jnr for his 1st of the season, 3rd of his career, 220th all-time — which means Glen and Iain Rawson both walked back for nought in the very same innings. A bona fide Two of a Quack, siblings united in ignominy, each sat on exactly 3 career ducks apiece. The rarest ceremony the club offers, delivered without fuss. A fitting quartet, all four still chasing the shadow of Stewart Morrison, who marked this very date back in 1987 with a duck against Dimanchians CC on his way to 41 career ducks and a Duck of the Year gong in 2000. Sunday 22nd — 1st XI v Yalding CC (away) Carl Davis, caught off Fiaz Ghous by a fielder even the scorer couldn't identify, picked up his 2nd of the season and 7th of his career, 123rd all-time, adding to Retirement Duck honours from a past farewell. He now sits level on 7 with Ian Hollingworth, who reached the same tally across 2004 to 2008. Sunday 22nd — 2nd XI v Tyler Hill CC (home) Dave Todd, bowled by Ajay, brought up his 1st duck of the season and 20th of his career — a solid 55th all-time. On this very day in 1991, Dave Charlton was doing precisely the same against West Farleigh CC. The remaining two fixtures passed off duck-free, most disappointing for connoisseurs of the format. Week in summary: six ducks from five matches, headlined by the Rawson sibling special and Tim Thirkell extending his frankly alarming season strike rate. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 - Rob Doick — 4 ducks in 9 innings (44%) - Thomas Beeney — 4 ducks in 11 innings (36%) - Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks in 6 innings (50%) - Ian Brattle — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40%) - Jack Jenner — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25%) Both Tim and Jack padded their season tallies this week and remain firmly in the hunt, though Rob Doick leads the chase with half the season gone. Next fixture, next chance. The zero club never closes. 🦆🍩

Only one day of the period troubled the scorers, but Saturday 14th June made up for it in style. Five ducks in two matches, and Richard Saunders and Mark Hammond both had afternoons to remember. 🏏 1st XI at Meopham CC Mark Christmas fell for nought at four, caught by Simon Burton off Adam Orridge — his 2nd duck of the season and 14th of an increasingly decorated career, now 71st in the all-time list. He's the reigning Duck of the Year for 2008 and sits agonisingly on the Full House nearly-man board, having ducked in 10 of the 11 batting positions — one more fixture and immortality beckons. On this very day in 1970, Mick Filmer was doing much the same against Bobbing Court CC, en route to 6 career ducks. Down at number eight, Chris Newman became Richard Saunders's first victim of the innings, bowled for his 1st duck of the season and 14th career — level with Christmas, rank 69. A chip off the old block, too: father Clive Newman carries 17 career ducks of his own. Filmer, again, keeps him company from 1970. And at eleven, Ian Brattle succumbed to Saunders for a second time — his 2nd of the season and a genuinely eye-watering 51st career duck, 10th on the all-time list. Brattle is a fixture of the honours board: 50 Before a 50 with a top score of just 33, seven Ducks in a Row, and a paid-up Debutante Duck man from way back. Sibling Paul Brattle isn't far behind on 26. Filmer makes it a hat-trick of parallels. 🏏 2nd XI at home to Eynsford CC Tim Thirkell continued the family tradition, caught by Mark Hammond off Paul Smyth for his 2nd duck of the season — and a monumental 81st career duck, 3rd on the all-time list. The Thirkell name is practically a subsidiary of the Duck Club: father John sits top of the entire ledger with 90, siblings Nigel and Simon aren't far off with 58 and 56, and the family tree runs to seven duck-collecting Thirkells in all. Tim's own board is heaving — Full House, Lone Duck top 10, Homebody Duck top 10, Ducks on the Road top 10 and a Duck of the Year going back to 1972. Filmer, unfazed by the company, joins him from 1970 too. Lee Tidey then became Hammond's second scalp of the day, stumped off Toby Crisp for his maiden career duck in just his second innings. He joins the late, great "- Howard", whose entire senior career amounted to exactly one duck in 2006 before promptly retiring — a founding member of One and Done and Retirement Duck. Welcome to some rarefied, if brief, company. 📋 The Week in Brief Five ducks, one bowler on a hat-trick of intent (Saunders, twice), one wicketkeeper doing brisk business (Hammond, twice), and the Thirkell dynasty reminding everyone whose club this really is. 🦆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Rob Doick — 9 innings, 4 ducks (44.4%) - Thomas Beeney — 9 innings, 4 ducks (44.4%) - Ian Brattle — 5 innings, 2 ducks (40.0%) - Tim Thirkell — 5 innings, 2 ducks (40.0%) - Mark Christmas — 12 innings, 2 ducks (16.7%) Doick and Beeney share the summit for now, but with Brattle and Thirkell breathing down their necks at 40%, this Duck of the Year race is far from settled. Next fixtures await — bring your bats, and if history's any guide, someone won't need them for long. 0️⃣🍩🏏

A four-day glut for the exclusive zero club, with all five fixtures contributing to the pile. Ten ducks banked, honours boards rattled, and one half-century reached the hard way. 🏏 Saturday, 1st XI v Eynsford CC Kevin Presneill fell lbw to Ben Wise for his 12th career duck, drawing level with Darren Styles (1989–2008, 12 from 185 innings) in the all-time ledger. Richard Knowler was bowled by Howard Collins for his maiden club duck from 21 innings — welcome to the register, Richard, where you join "- Howard" of 2006, who managed exactly one duck in an entire one-and-done career. Thomas Beeney edged Jamie Wise off Howard Collins for his 3rd of the season and 10th overall, a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from way back. Hold that thought — he wasn't finished for the week. 🏏 Saturday, 2nd XI v Meopham CC Clive Newman was bowled by Phil Glenwright for career duck 17, keeping it in the family with son Chris Newman sat on 13 of his own. Tim Thirkell departed to David Pollard for a modest-sounding but seismic 80th career duck — 3rd on the all-time list, a Full House member (duck at every position 1-11) and thoroughly entitled to feel at home doing this. His sibling Nigel wasn't far behind, as it happens — more below. Ian Brattle was bowled by Clive Cole and, in doing so, brought up a round half-century of career ducks — 50 on the nose, joining the 50 Before a 50 honours board he already calls home. A tidy milestone for a man built for adversity. 🌱 Sunday, 2nd XI v Knockers CC Ray Dixon edged behind off Andy Darry for career duck number 9, level with Craig Sands (2002–2008, 9 from 225 innings) and still riding the momentum of his 2007 Duck of the Year crown. 🌱 Sunday, NVKC v High Halstow CC James Piper was caught off Tom Hanman for his 7th career duck, matching Ian Hollingworth (2004–2008, 7 from 28 innings) — and keeping it thoroughly in the family, with sibling Richard Piper (45) and father Brian Piper (23) both seasoned campaigners in these pages. Nigel Thirkell was bowled by Tom Hanman for career duck 58, 7th on the all-time list. Fittingly, he shares this day in duck history with clubmate Ian Brattle, who did the same thing against The Mote CC back in 1993 — long before his own half-century arrived, this very report, several paragraphs above. ⚡ Tuesday, Twenty20 v West Farleigh CC Thomas Beeney was bowled by Jimmy Emmett for his 4th duck of the season, his 11th overall — and in doing so completed a grim pair for the week, Saturday's Eynsford duck and this one bookending four days that clearly did not agree with him. 📊 Week in Summary Ten ducks from five matches, an even spread across every team on the fixture card, and a golden half-century for Ian Brattle. Thomas Beeney's pair keeps him top of the season charts — for now. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Thomas Beeney — 8 innings, 4 ducks (50.0%) 2. Rob Doick — 9 innings, 4 ducks (44.4%) 3. Ryan Boyns — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 4. Darren Styles — 2 innings, 1 duck (50.0%) 5. Iain Cardew — 4 innings, 1 duck (25.0%) The season is young and the noughts are flowing. Next fixture, same time, same crease — who fancies joining the register? 🍩0️⃣

Four fixtures, six ducks, and the exclusive zero club welcomed its usual cast plus one grim weekend double. The art of not scoring was alive and well at Linton Park. Saturday — 1st XI at Shipbourne CC Rob Doick departed for nought at four, caught Fenton off Lee Morton — his 4th duck of the season and 29th of an increasingly distinguished career, good enough for 33rd on the all-time list. On this very day back in 1969, Benny Bell (1966–1975) was also trudging off on a duck against Tovil, sitting just one solitary nought ahead on 30 — Rob has him well within range. Lower down, Thomas Beeney fell to Tonga Tonga for his 8th career duck, a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club and the Ducks on the Road top 10, drawing level with Adam Jackson (2001–2007) also on 8. A chip off the old block, too — kin Michael Beeney carries 27 career ducks of his own. Thomas, alas, wasn't finished for the weekend. Sunday — 2nd XI at Lord Raglan True to form, Thomas Beeney was back in the hutch 24 hours later, run out for his 9th career duck — a grim weekend pair to file alongside the Debutante Duck honour he already carries. Opener Darren Styles fell cheaply, caught T Osmond off Hutchinson, his 12th career duck from 185 innings, 78th all-time. On this day in 2002, Matthew Carter (2002–2008), Duck of the Year 2004 and fellow Debutante Duck alumnus, was doing exactly the same thing against Horsmonden. Joe Martin joined the Debutante Duck club in style, bowled by T Osmond for his 4th career duck, level with Iain Cardew (1994–2008) on the same tally. Tuesday — Twenty20 v East Sutton CC Mark Christmas edged Steve Sunnucks off Darren Thompson for his 13th career duck, 73rd all-time — a Full House nearly-man just one position shy of the complete set, and with the Duck of the Year 2008 board already lit up in his name, he's setting a pace nobody else fancies chasing. He draws level on 13 with Chris Newman (2002–2008). Week in Summary Six ducks from four matches, headlined by Thomas Beeney's unwanted weekend double and Mark Christmas tightening his grip on the 2008 crown. 1st XI, 2nd XI and the Twenty20 side all took their turn at the crease of shame this week — consistency of a very particular kind. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Rob Doick — 4 ducks / 7 innings (57.1%) 2. Thomas Beeney — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.0%) 3. Ryan Boyns — 1 duck / 1 innings (100.0%) 4. Darren Styles — 1 duck / 2 innings (50.0%) 5. Iain Cardew — 1 duck / 3 innings (33.3%) Next fixture, next opportunity — the zero club never sleeps. See you at the crease. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three fixtures, five departures for nought, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees. The art of not scoring was alive and well this weekend. Saturday — 1st XI v Mersham Sports CC (h) - Rob Doick fell lbw to Darren Pugh, his 3rd duck of the season and 28th of a Linton career now standing at 218 innings — rank 35 of 1340 all time. He draws level on 28 with the legendary Paul Gibson, who plied his trade 1984–2008 across 472 innings and who, in 1991, achieved the rare Platinum Duck — dismissed without facing a ball at all. - Carl Davis followed him back moments later, bowled by the same relentless Darren Pugh. A first duck of the season and 6th career nought from just 30 innings, rank 134. He joins James Piper (1998–2008, 100 innings) on that tally. Carl remains a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck honours board from a past farewell — history, not this week's business. Saturday — 2nd XI v Horton Kirby CC (a) - Jack Jenner given lbw by Keith Lockyer, his 1st duck of the season and 9th career, from 48 innings, rank 102. He pulls level with Craig Sands (2002–2008, 221 innings). Jack too carries a Retirement Duck credential from years gone by. - Michael Beeney was run out for a nought nobody could quite agree the blame for — 1st of the season, 27th career from 207 innings, a lofty rank 37 of 1340. Michael's honours cabinet already groans under a Diamond Duck (2002, out without facing a ball), an Only Two Quacks pairing with Ian Brattle, and his own Retirement Duck laurel — all standing achievements, not fresh silverware. On this very day in 1987, Martin Thompson was also making ducks, against John Fisher Old Boys. Fittingly, family blood runs thin on runs too — Michael's kin Thomas Beeney owns 7 career ducks of his own. Sunday — 2nd XI v Sissinghurst CC (a) - Tom Murphy departed caught Daniel Helesfay bowled Ian Wicks, his 1st duck of the season and 5th career from 31 innings, rank 161. On this day back in 1970, Frank Brattle was doing much the same against Bearsted CC — proof the calendar has form. Week in summary Five ducks, three matches, and Darren Pugh doing the club's dirty work single-handed with a brace at Mersham. No pairs, no king pairs, and no family ducks to report this week — the honours board can rest easy, for now. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Rob Doick — 5 innings, 3 ducks, 60% - Ryan Boyns — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Iain Cardew — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Tom Murphy — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Carl Davis — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% Rob Doick sits handsomely atop the pile, though Ryan Boyns' flawless 100% record is one to watch nervously. Next weekend's fixtures await their own contributions to the cause. The Duck Club never sleeps — see you at the crease. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A quiet one this week, Duck Hunters. One fixture out on the paddock, twenty-two players had their say, and not a single soul obliged the exclusive zero club. Bats stayed troubled, scorers stayed disappointed, and the honours board gathers dust for another week. Even the art of not scoring takes a rest day now and then. Rest assured, this drought is purely seasonal — the Duck Club never truly closes, and with the campaign still young there's ample time for someone to nick off first ball and remind us all why we're here. 🍩 📊 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — 2008 🥇 Rob Doick — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50%) 🥈 Ryan Boyns — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) — a flawless start to the collection 🥉 Iain Cardew — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) Trevor Back — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) Ryan Boyns leads on strike rate alone, a perfect record of imperfection, while Rob Doick sets the early pace on outright volume. Early days yet — plenty of season left for the also-rans to make their move. 🏏 Roll on next weekend — with more fixtures and, surely, more fowl play. The ducks can't hide forever. 🦆0️⃣

A quieter week for the exclusive zero club, but quality over quantity as ever — two additions to the register across four fixtures, and one of them arrived with genuine pedigree. 🏏 2nd XI — Shipbourne CC (away, 10 May) Iain Cardew went in at first drop and departed lbw to James McCulley, a tidy dismissal that nudges him to his 1st duck of the season and 4th of a career now spanning 9 innings — good enough for 174th on the all-time list of 1,339. Iain remains a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, a duck-on-debut honour earned some seasons back rather than anything to do with this one. He now sits shoulder to shoulder with Ollie Howarth, who racked up his 4th in 20 innings between 2004 and 2007 — Iain's getting there in less than half the time, for better or worse. 🌱 Midweek XI — Tenterden CC (away, 14 May) Trevor Back, a man who needs no introduction round these parts, was caught F Pearman bowled S Cooksley at number five to register his 1st duck of the season and 64th of an extraordinary career built across 586 innings — a tally that keeps him parked at a lofty 5th in the all-time standings, a fixture of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, and one half of the enduring Only Two Quacks pairing with Allan Cooper. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1978, that same Allan Cooper was busy making a duck of his own against High Halstow CC — the sort of calendar coincidence the Duck Club exists to celebrate. Trevor's tally moves on, unbothered, in pursuit of nobody but himself. 📅 Week in Summary Four matches, two ducks — a restrained early-season haul, but with the league proper still to come there's plenty of time for the tally to swell. No pairs, no king pairs, no family affairs this week — the club's rarer honours will have to wait. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Rob Doick — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67% - Ryan Boyns — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Iain Cardew — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Trevor Back — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% Rob Doick sets the early pace with a fearsome duck rate that the rest of the club will be quietly hoping doesn't hold. 🍩 Next fixture beckons, and with it the promise of fresh nought-scorers queuing up for their moment of dubious distinction. See you at the crease — or, more likely, on the way back from it. 0️⃣🏏

Early season, and the exclusive zero club is already taking new subscriptions. Three fixtures across the weekend, and Bearsted Green proved the only ground willing to supply the goods — two ducks, one bowler, no mercy. 🏏 Saturday 3rd May — 1st XI away to Bearsted CC Stephen Heap turned executioner for the afternoon, claiming both of Linton's ducks himself — a rare case of one bowler stocking the entire pond. First to go was Rob Doick, lbw to Heap, for his 2nd duck of the still-young season and 27th of a long and storied career spanning 215 innings — good enough for 36th on the all-time list of 1337. Rather spookily, on this very day back in 1997, David Castle (1982–2008, 40 career ducks, Tourist Duck top 10 honouree) also made a duck, albeit against Bidborough rather than Bearsted. History does love to rhyme, even in nought form. Not to be left out, Ryan Boyns followed him back to the pavilion, bowled by the same relentless Heap, for his 1st duck of the season and 3rd of his career from just 14 innings — 238th on the all-time roll. He joins Daniel McCarthy (2006–2007, 19 innings, 3 ducks) on identical career figures. A quick word for the family tree too — kin Alan Boyns sits on 21 career ducks of his own, so the poultry instinct is clearly hereditary. 🌱 Elsewhere The other two fixtures of the weekend were, disappointingly, entirely vegan — every batter got off the mark, denying the Duck Club any further additions. Can't win them all. Or rather, in this club, can't lose them all. 📊 Week in Summary Two ducks from three matches, both credited to Stephen Heap's opening burst at Bearsted, and both landing in the 1st XI column. Efficient work from the bowler, less efficient work from the top order. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Rob Doick — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - Ryan Boyns — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% A flawless start for both — the only way is down, gentlemen, and we mean that as encouragement. 📅 Looking ahead The season is young, the leaderboard is a perfect storm of triumph through adversity, and Stephen Heap has served notice that he intends to keep the Duck Club well stocked all summer. Same time next fixture — bring your bat, and perhaps leave it in the bag. 🦆

Early season, and the exclusive zero club has already opened its books for 2008. Two matches were played across the weekend and, refreshingly restrained, only one man was summoned before the committee. 🏏 1st XI — away at Mersham Sports CC, Saturday 26th Batting at five, Rob Doick departed caught off the bowling of Alan Stevens, the fielder recorded in the book only as "Unsure" — which, frankly, feels like the entire club's verdict on how it happened. It's Rob's 1st duck of the 2008 season and his 26th for the club in 214 innings, good enough for 40th in the all-time standings of 1337. That tally of 26 lands him level with Michael Beeney, who played 1995–2008 and reached the same mark in 205 innings — one place above Rob at 38th all-time, and a fully paid-up member of the Diamond Duck club for a 2002 vintage nought without facing a ball, plus the Only Two Quacks honour shared with Ian Brattle. Good company to keep, if "company" is the right word. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, one duck — the herd was thin on the ground this early in the season, with only Rob Doick answering the roll call. Whether that's opening-weekend rust settling elsewhere or everyone else simply keeping their heads down, the committee cannot say. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Rob Doick — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% A leaderboard of one for now — plenty of season left for challengers to make their case, and history suggests they will. 🍩 Next weekend brings fresh fixtures and, in all likelihood, fresh company for Rob at the top of the table. Bats up, heads down — the Duck Club is always recruiting.