🦆 The Duck Pond

A single fixture fell within the period under review, and this correspondent must report, not without a measure of surprise, that not one gentleman of either eleven contrived to be dismissed for a cipher. The timbers stood, the leather beat the bat on occasion without profit to the zero club, and the willow, for once, did its modest duty. A quiet week for the connoisseur of the duck's egg, and no cause for the Committee to trouble itself with fresh entries upon the honours boards. It would be idle to pretend this is anything but a disappointment to the discerning follower of the art of not scoring. We may only hope that our men, having escaped this week, are merely gathering their forces for a more comprehensive failure next time out. The exclusive zero club does not admit members lightly, and it seems none this week met its exacting standard. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - C S Smith — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.0 per cent - A J Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0 per cent - C Marsh — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0 per cent - C N Watney — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0 per cent - B W Haynes — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33 per cent Mr A J Smith, Mr Marsh and Mr Watney will note they stand at a perfect and unenviable century of failure, one innings apiece, and may take what comfort they can from having achieved instant and total mastery of the art. Mr C S Smith continues his season's work at a most respectable two ciphers from five visits to the crease, a fine consistency of a very particular kind. The Committee looks forward, with quiet confidence, to the next fixture furnishing rather better material for this column. Members are respectfully reminded that the zero club's gates remain open to all, and that triumph through adversity awaits any batsman prepared to walk out and fail to trouble the scorer. Until then, we remain, as ever, hopeful of nothing.

A brief dispatch this week, gentle reader, for the ducks proved shy quarry — but one specimen was nonetheless bagged, and duly entered upon the rolls. The First Eleven At home to Town Malling CC, Mr C N Watney, sent in at first wicket down, was dismissed bowled off an attack the scorer could not with confidence name, for a cipher — a duck's egg to open his account. This being his maiden appearance at the wicket, he is thereby enrolled as a debutant of the Club, arriving at once upon the rolls with a duck to his name, and stands at the 56th position of 279 in the Club's long roll of honour. A curious manner in which to commence a cricketing career, though he is assuredly not the first to have done so, nor will he be the last. It may amuse members to learn that upon this very date, five-and-twenty years past, in 1873, one F Warde likewise failed to trouble the scorer, against Cranbrook CC — the calendar, it would seem, has its own small sense of ceremony. The Week in Summary One fixture played, one wicket fallen for nought — a modest week's harvest for the Club, but the Club has never been in the business of demanding quantity where quality of ignominy will serve. Mr Watney's contribution, though singular, is recorded with the solemnity the occasion deserves. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — 1898 - C S Smith — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50 per cent - A J Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - C Marsh — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - C N Watney — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - B W Haynes — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent The season thus far shows several gentlemen well placed to trouble this table further, and the Club watches their progress, or want of it, with keen interest. Members are cordially reminded that the next fixture shall doubtless furnish fresh candidates for these pages, the art of not scoring being one at which our eleven shows no shortage of willing practitioners. Until then, the Club remains, as ever, at the wicket's mercy.

🦆 A modest notice to the members of the exclusive zero club 🦆 Well now. It falls to your correspondent to report, with a measure of relief tempered by no small disappointment, that the fixture of the sixteenth passed without a single member of our eleven being sent back to the pavilion for a cipher. Not one duck's egg was laid across the whole of the day's play. The timbers stood, the willow connected, and the art of not scoring found no new practitioners this week. One scarcely knows whether to offer congratulations or condolences. A quiet week for the scorers, certainly, and rather a dull one for this column, whose usual business is the solemn cataloguing of ignominy. We are given to understand our men acquitted themselves with the bat well enough to deny the club its customary tribute. Whether this reflects an improvement in technique or merely a fortunate arrangement of the fixture list, we leave to wiser judges than ourselves. Let it not be said, however, that the season's roll of dubious distinction stands empty. Far from it — the leaderboard below shows the campaign of 1898 to be alive and well in its pursuit of the nought. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - C S Smith — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.0 per cent. A fellow making rather a habit of the early return. - A J Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0 per cent. A perfect record, of its kind. - C Marsh — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0 per cent. Likewise unblemished, if we may put it that way. - B W Haynes — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0 per cent. Evens the wicket, so to speak. - F Smith — 4 innings, 1 duck, 25.0 per cent. The steadier member of what one might call a well-populated surname. A week, then, for quiet satisfaction rather than ceremony. But the club's honours board is a patient institution, and our correspondent has every confidence that the coming fixtures will furnish fresh material for these columns. Members are cordially invited to the next match, where the timbers will doubtless be rattled and the scorer's book once again asked to record a figure of nought. Until then, we remain, as ever, hopeful of failure.

Our First Eleven took the field against Yalding Cricket Club and returned, as is so often the way of this pursuit, with three names newly entered upon the ledger of nought. The First Eleven Opening the innings, George Champion marched out and was bowled by a delivery the scorer, in his uncertainty, could only record as "Unsure" — a fitting cipher for a ciphered innings. This is the fifth occasion of Mr Champion's career upon which he has failed to trouble the scorer, in eight-and-twenty innings all told, placing him sixth of the two hundred and six-and-seventy names upon the club's roll of dubious distinction, and a holder of the Duck of the Year honour for 1897. He finds fellowship in adversity with F Danells, of the 1881 to 1891 era, who across fifteen innings arrived at the identical total of five — kindred spirits upon nought, separated by near a score of years. Sent in at first wicket down, B W Haynes likewise fell "b Unsure", the bowler's identity lost to the scorebook though his work plain enough. This was Mr Haynes's maiden duck of the present season, and but the first of his career in ten innings, ranking him one-and-fiftieth of the two hundred and six-and-seventy. He now stands level upon a single career duck with A Barker, whose solitary innings of 1885 yielded the very same tally, and who was himself crowned Duck of the Year that season. Batting at number eight, C S Smith was also dismissed "b Unsure" for nought, his second duck of the season and the second of a career yet only four innings old — a rate of failure that places him five-and-twentieth of all who have gone before, and sees him among those who bear the Duck of the Year honour for the present season of 1898. He shares his career tally of two with C French Snr, who achieved the same across three innings between 1860 and 1864, and who likewise once wore that crown, in 1864. A Week in Summary Three ducks were laid in the single fixture played, all at Yalding, and all, curiously, to bowling the scorer declined to name. Whether this speaks of a modest bowler or an unsighted scorer we leave entirely to the reader's judgement. The willow, on this occasion, was thoroughly silenced. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. C S Smith — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.0 per cent 2. A J Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0 per cent 3. C Marsh — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0 per cent 4. B W Haynes — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0 per cent 5. F Smith — 4 innings, 1 duck, 25.0 per cent The club awaits its next fixture with the customary mixture of dread and anticipation, confident the honours board has not yet seen its final entry this season. Members are respectfully reminded that the art of not scoring is no small accomplishment, and that a place among these names, however unwelcome, is earned all the same.

A quiet week for the chronicler, but not an idle one, for the roll of the exclusive zero club has gained a new name. The First Eleven Mr A J Smith, sent in at number eight against Headcorn CC, was bowled by J P Thompson without troubling the scorer, and so returns to the pavilion for a cipher. It is remarked, in fairness to the gentleman, that he was not dismissed first ball, so no claim to the golden duck may be entered against his name — merely the ordinary, honest failure to score that has undone finer batsmen than he. What lends the occasion its particular interest is that this was Mr Smith's very first innings for the Club. He arrives, then, at the wicket of history in the most direct manner possible, inscribed forthwith as the 44th name of 273 upon the club's roll of those acquainted with nought. A debut duck is ever a matter for ceremony rather than commiseration, and the Club extends its solemn welcome. The correspondent cannot pass over a curious circumstance of the calendar: upon this very day in the year 1887, one Jack Fryer — a gentleman who played from 1881 to 1898, who stands first of all 273 upon the club's roll with eight ducks to his credit, and who was crowned Duck of the Year in 1891 — likewise walked back without score, against the First Innings of East Peckham CC. Whether this be a happy augury for Mr Smith's future upon the willow, or merely the calendar's own dry jest, the correspondent leaves to wiser heads than his. The Week in Summary One match played, one egg laid. A modest return by the Club's usual standards of failure, but a debut duck is worth more column space than a dozen ordinary ones, and Mr Smith's name shall not want for good company upon the honours board in seasons to come. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard Leading the field for the season of 1898, on the strict measure of the art of not scoring: - A J Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, a full 100 per cent - C Marsh — 1 innings, 1 duck, likewise 100 per cent - C S Smith — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent - F Smith — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent A fine consistency of a very particular kind is on display at the head of the table, and the Club awaits with interest whether it may be sustained, or improved upon, at the next fixture. In Closing The correspondent trusts the Eleven will oblige with further material for these pages before the season is out. Members are reminded that the timbers care nothing for reputation, and that any man may join the roll at the very next match. Until then, your servant remains at the crease of duty.

Three of our number were sent back to the pavilion without troubling the scorer this week, across two fixtures. The exclusive zero club welcomes its latest subscribers. 1st XI Against Sutton Valence School on the 4th, at home, our innings yielded a most economical pair of dismissals from the same hand. Mr C S Smith, in at number nine, was bowled by H Goodban for a cipher — his very first appearance at the wicket in senior colours, and thus a debut of the most particular sort. The Gazette records him at once upon the Duck of the Year board for 1898, a swift elevation to dubious distinction. He stands 54th of 271 in the club's all-time reckoning. Curiously, on this very date in 1886, one Tom Peach Snr likewise returned for nought against The Mote CC — history, it seems, is fond of an anniversary. Following him at number ten came Mr C Marsh, caught H C Pearson off the same Mr Goodban, and likewise dismissed for a duck's egg on his first outing — Goodban may fairly claim a brace of debutants in one afternoon's work. Mr Marsh takes his place at 52nd of 271. He too finds himself in curious company with Tom Peach Snr's duck of the 4th of June 1886 against The Mote CC, the calendar repeating itself twelve years on almost to the hour. Two days later, away at Brenchley CC, Mr F Smith was bowled by R Larkin at number six for a duck — no stranger to this fate, it being his third career nought in seven innings, and his season's first. He rests handsomely at 17th of 271 on the all-time list, level on three career ducks with Mr A Kent of the class of 1893, himself no less than the Duck of the Year for that season. Kindred spirits in the art of not scoring. The week in brief Two matches, three ducks, and a curious symmetry — Sutton Valence School accounted for two of our men in successive deliveries from Mr Goodban, while Brenchley CC claimed the third at the far end of the week. All three fell to the bowler rather than to any misadventure of their own making, which is, we are assured, some small comfort. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - C Marsh — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - C S Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - F Smith — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent The season is yet young, and the timbers await further custom. Members are warmly invited to attend the next fixture, where fresh candidates for the honours board will no doubt present themselves with their customary enthusiasm.