🦆 The Duck Pond

A quiet one for the archives, I'm afraid. One match played on the 30th, and not a single soul obliged the Duck Club with so much as a nought. Every batsman who walked out at Linton Park that day had the shocking manners to trouble the scorer. The ducks, it seems, took the day off — hardly in keeping with the season's fine form, and frankly a disgrace to the art of not scoring. Still, the exclusive zero club does not run itself on hope alone, and the season standings remain gloriously intact for those keeping score of the scoreless. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — 1972 - Tim Thirkell — 26 innings, 6 ducks (23.08%) — the season's undisputed frontrunner, cultivating a duck rate most bowlers would sell their whites for. - John Thirkell — 23 innings, 4 ducks (17.39%) — keeping it in the family, and keeping the pressure on at the top. - Andrew Moss — 20 innings, 3 ducks (15.0%) — a solid mid-table showing in the season's least wanted table. - Mike Iliffe — 25 innings, 3 ducks (12.0%) — matching Moss on tally if not on rate, proof that consistency of a very particular kind comes in many forms. - Ron Hickman — 6 innings, 2 ducks (33.33%) — fewest innings on the board, highest strike rate of the lot. A small sample, but a mighty one. Tim Thirkell will sleep easy tonight knowing his lead holds for another week, but with the season drawing towards its close there is still time yet for the also-rans to come hunting. So — evaded, not extinct. Normal service resumes at the next fixture, when the ducks will no doubt return in their customary style, uninvited and unstoppable. See you at the crease. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A modest but memorable weekend for the exclusive zero club, with three fresh entries to the honours board across two 1st XI fixtures. Autumn's chill clearly didn't stop the quacking. Saturday 23rd — West Farleigh CC (away) - Tim Thirkell, in at 5, was bowled by D. Gedney for nought — his 6th duck of the season and 17th of a career now 85 innings deep, good enough for 26th on the all-time list. It's a season that already carries the 1972 Duck of the Year crown, alongside membership of the Full House board (a duck at every position, 1 to 11 — a completist's approach to failure) and top ten spots for both Ducks on the Road and Homebody Duck. Keeping it in the family, relative John Thirkell (77 career ducks) is currently snapping at Tim's heels in this very season's charts — noughts clearly run in the blood. On this very date a decade earlier, in 1962, Terry Whittaker was going through exactly the same ordeal against Linton Park CC. - Terry Whittaker himself wasn't far behind, caught and bowled by I. Edwards at number 8 for his 1st duck of the season, moving to 30 career ducks in 263 innings — 10th on the all-time roll of dishonour. His honours board already pairs him with Brian Relf under Quacking Together — fittingly, since it's Brian's own 1962 duck against Linton Park CC that shares today's date exactly. Sunday 24th — Anchorians CC (home) - Colin Dicker opened his career account the hard way, bowled by Don Wykes at number 9 in just his 3rd innings — the club's newest paid-up member of the zero club, presently 249th all-time with plenty of climbing left to do. Sharing the date if not the decade, Frank Brattle made a duck against A. Trembeths on this same day back in 1960, en route to a career haul of 38. Week in Summary Three ducks, two matches, all courtesy of the 1st XI — the 2nds, 3rds and 4ths kept their heads down and their bats occupied this week. Triumph through adversity remains a strictly voluntary pursuit, and the 1st XI took it upon themselves alone. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Tim Thirkell — 6 ducks / 26 innings (23.08%) 2. John Thirkell — 4 ducks / 22 innings (18.18%) 3. Andrew Moss — 3 ducks / 20 innings (15.0%) 4. Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks / 24 innings (12.5%) 5. Ron Hickman — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) Ron Hickman's strike rate for nought is one to keep an eye on. Next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, further additions to the honours board. Pad up, and may the odds be ever in your... nought's favour. 🦆0️⃣🏏

A quiet weekend for Linton's bowlers to enjoy, courtesy of the 1st XI, who alone flew the flag for the exclusive zero club this week. Two ducks, two matches, and one certified legend among them. 🏏 1st XI Saturday's trip to face Charles Arkcoll saw Mike Iliffe adjudged lbw to Vic Wellard at number six, a decision he no doubt still disputes at the bar. It's Mike's 3rd duck of the season and his 22nd for the club in 147 innings, edging him to a lofty 16th in the all-time standings. On this very day back in 1962, Richard Ashby was suffering an identical fate against Staplehurst CC, en route to 24 career ducks of his own and a place among the Tourist Duck top 10 and the Ducks in a Row club — proof the calendar has a long memory for these things. Sunday brought altogether grander business. Facing Mersham Hatch, John Thirkell departed for nought at number five, caught behind off Breed — his 4th duck of the season and, take a bow, his 77th for Linton Park. That tally sits him at number ONE out of all 880 members of the club's all-time duck standings, a distinction nobody else can touch. A five-time Duck of the Year (1952, 1954, 1955, 1967 and 1971) and a permanent fixture of the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens, John remains the yardstick against which every future nought is measured. Fittingly, on this same day in 1960, Basil Sears was also trudging off for a duck against Bearsted CC, one of 31 in a career spanning 1947 to 1972 — good company for a man whose kin, Tim and Nigel Thirkell, keep the family business thoroughly alive. 📋 The Week in Brief Two matches, two ducks, both courtesy of the 1st XI — the 2nds, 3rds and the rest of the club escaped entirely unscathed. No pairs, no family affairs this time, just two gentlemen doing what they do best: departing with maximum efficiency and minimum fuss. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Tim Thirkell — 5 ducks in 24 innings (20.83%) 2. John Thirkell — 4 ducks in 21 innings (19.05%) 3. Andrew Moss — 3 ducks in 20 innings (15.00%) 4. Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks in 23 innings (13.04%) 5. Ron Hickman — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40.00% — some going) With Tim and John Thirkell locking out the top two spots, the family name is doing some heavy lifting in this season's Duck of the Year race. Roll on next weekend, gentlemen — the bowlers won't rest, and neither should your guard. 🦆

A quiet week for the Duck Club scouts — just the one fixture on the books, but never let it be said the ducks take a day off. One quack was logged, and it's a good one, so let's get into it. 🏏 1st XI — away to Bexhill CC Opening the batting, Robert Chance marched out full of intent and marched straight back again, bowled by Dave Cowley for nought. Not a golden duck, mind — he weathered a ball or two before Cowley found his mark, which in this club counts as a moral victory. It's Robert's 1st duck of the season and his 6th career duck from 107 innings, good enough (or bad enough) for 73rd of 880 in the all-time roll of dishonour. He's also long carried membership of the Retirement Duck club, a standing honour from a past farewell innings — the archive doesn't say this was that day, so no eulogies yet, Robert. Splendidly, the fixtures line up too: on this very day in 1955, John --'s Taylor also trudged back for nought, against Old Roffensians of all sides. Taylor's career (1949–1960) closed on 15 ducks, good for 28th all-time — Robert's got some catching up to do if he fancies the company. 📊 Week in summary One match, one duck — the harvest was thin, but quality over quantity, as they say in the exclusive zero club. Bexhill CC can consider themselves honoured to have witnessed it. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Tim Thirkell — 22 innings, 5 ducks (22.7%) - John Thirkell — 19 innings, 3 ducks (15.8%) - Andrew Moss — 20 innings, 3 ducks (15.0%) - Ron Hickman — 5 innings, 2 ducks (40.0%) - Benny Bell — 9 innings, 2 ducks (22.2%) Tim Thirkell continues to set the pace out front, though with a season still in motion there's plenty of room for a late surge from the chasing pack. 🍩 That's the lot for this round — quiet weeks like this one never last. Next fixture, the bowlers will be sharpening up and the honours board waits for its next volunteer. Until then, keep your bats straight and your ducks fewer. 0️⃣🦆

Two matches, two fixtures on the road, and the LPCC 1st XI keeping the exclusive zero club fed and watered even without home comforts. A modest weekend for quantity, but never let it be said the art of not scoring goes out of fashion. Saturday 2 September — Whitstable CC (away) Jon Harris, promoted to number six, departed caught J Waters bowled Edric Churchley for his second duck of the season and 12th of a career now standing at 50 innings — good enough for 35th on the club's all-time roll of dishonour. Jon is by now a seasoned collector: a certified Full House man (duck at every position 1 through 11, a grim sort of completeness), a fixture on the Homebody, Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his own long-ago first innings. On this very date in 1968, a young Paul Bowles was up to exactly the same mischief against Bearsted CC — he went on to 21 career ducks and back-to-back Duck of the Year crowns in '66 and '68, so Jon has form to chase. Worth noting too that kinsman Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own — evidently a family with an eye for nought. Sunday 3 September — Staplehurst CC (away) No rest for the travel-weary, as the 1s were straight back on the road to Staplehurst, where Benny Bell fell lbw to A West at number eight. It's Benny's second duck of the season and 22nd for his career, lodging him 15th in the all-time standings from 95 innings — rare air. Spare a thought also for Jimmy Jameson, who on this same date back in 1944 suffered identically against the Home Guard's Royal West Kent 11th Battalion. Some things, it seems, are simply written into the calendar. Week in Summary 🍩 A quiet one by Duck Club standards — two matches, two ducks, both away, both 1st XI. No pairs this week, no family affairs, no king ducks to enter into the record. Sometimes the ducks just can't be bothered with the away trip. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Tim Thirkell — 5 ducks / 21 innings (23.81%) 2. John Thirkell — 3 ducks / 18 innings (16.67%) 3. Andrew Moss — 3 ducks / 20 innings (15.00%) 4. Ron Hickman — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.00%) 5. Benny Bell — 2 ducks / 9 innings (22.22%) Ron Hickman's 40% strike rate remains the number nobody wants to talk about at tea. The leaderboard is far from settled and the season has plenty left to give — get yourselves to the next fixture, because on current form the zero club is always recruiting. 🏏0️⃣

Sunday 27 August — NVKC away to Troon CC Troon's bowlers went through the middle and tail like a knife through butter, and the LPCC nought-count trebled in a single innings. First to go was John Thirkell, lbw for nought — his 3rd duck of the season and a scarcely believable 76th of his career. That's still the unassailable #1 spot in the all-time standings, untouched, a five-time Duck of the Year (1952, 1954, 1955, 1967 and 1971) and a permanent resident of the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens. On this very day in 1949, Richard Harris also made a duck, against Hunton Wanderers CC — kindred company across the decades. And the Thirkell name doesn't stop there: sons Tim (16 career ducks) and Nigel (7) are carrying the family tradition rather well themselves — a proper quacking dynasty. Next, Graham Mountford fell, his 1st duck of the season and 3rd of his career from just 24 innings, sliding into rank 120 of 880. A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from an earlier innings, though this outing was no debut. Same on-this-day company as above. Rounding off the collapse, Ron Hickman was lbw'd for his 2nd duck of the season, taking him to 19 career ducks from 42 innings and rank 22 all-time. He shares "Quacking Together" honours with Alan Cradduck, who's currently propping up the bottom of this season's top five, and carries the grim badge of a 1965 Runaway Duck — a whole season without troubling the scorers. Wednesday 30 August — Midweek XI vs Gravesend CC Ray Grayland was bowled by Michael Sampson for his 1st duck of the season and, remarkably, only his 2nd career innings — rank 196 of 880 and a Debutante Duck club member from way back. On this day in 1965, Frank Brattle also made a duck, against Bearsted CC. Week in summary Four ducks from two matches — three of them arriving in the same unfortunate Troon innings, a fine demonstration that ducks, like buses, prefer to travel in threes. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Tim Thirkell — 19 inns, 5 ducks, 26.32% - John Thirkell — 17 inns, 3 ducks, 17.65% - Andrew Moss — 18 inns, 3 ducks, 16.67% - Ron Hickman — 5 inns, 2 ducks, 40.0% - Alan Cradduck — 10 inns, 2 ducks, 20.0% Two Thirkells occupying the top two spots — father chasing son, or is it the other way round? Either way, the race for Duck of the Year 1972 is very much a family affair. Roll on the next fixture — the ducks are circling, and there's always room in the club for one more member. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Three fixtures went into the book this week, but the harvest was a modest one — a single match yielded the goods, and one bowler did all the damage. 🏏 Midweek XI — away to Gravesend CC The exclusive zero club welcomed two new entries on the same afternoon, both claimed by the same tormentor in Gravesend's S Coe. Nigel Thirkell, in at three, was taken c Ian Farthing b S Coe — his 2nd duck of the season and 7th for the career from 33 innings, good enough for 60th of 880 in the all-time table of dubious distinction. Nigel is a rare double-header entry on both the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, proof that no ground, home or away, troubles him for runs. He's not the only flightless bird in the family either — kinsman John Thirkell carries 75 career ducks, brother Tim 16, and Stuart 1, a proper family firm of noughts, while Nigel himself shares the Only Two Quacks honour with Jim Hall. On this very day back in 1952, D Simmons also strolled back for nought against Charles Arkcoll, one of 4 in a career spanning 1949 to 1964 — history, as ever, repeating itself in the most unremarkable way possible. Last man in, John Lambert went b S Coe for his maiden LPCC duck, the 1st of his season and his career, from just 3 innings — an entry-level membership at 321st of 880 all-time, with plenty of scope to climb. Fittingly, this too fell on the anniversary of D Simmons' 1952 duck against Charles Arkcoll — the calendar clearly has a sense of humour. Consistency of a very particular kind, then, from Gravesend's S Coe — a two-wicket haul that reads rather better in this newsletter than it will in the Midweek XI's own averages. 📊 Week in Summary Two ducks from three matches, both in the same innings, both to the same bowler — triumph through adversity was in short supply this week, but the art of not scoring found its usual devotees. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Tim Thirkell — 5 ducks in 19 innings (26.3%) - Andrew Moss — 3 ducks in 16 innings (18.8%) - Alan Cradduck — 2 ducks in 10 innings (20.0%) - Nigel Thirkell — 2 ducks in 14 innings (14.3%) - John Thirkell — 2 ducks in 16 innings (12.5%) Nigel's latest duck keeps the family honours ticking over nicely, though he still trails his own brother Tim by three at the top of the table — a proper sibling rivalry brewing in the least dignified category the club has to offer. Roll on the next fixture, where the Duck Club's books stand ever open for fresh contributions. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Two fixtures, five ducks, and every single one of them served up by the same pair of hands. The 12th passed quietly — no fowl to report — but Sibton Park CC visited on the 13th and left the middle order, and most of the tail, in a state of dubious distinction. Welcome five new entries to the exclusive zero club. 1st XI v Sibton Park CC (home, 13 August) - Mike Iliffe (4): c R- Arnold b C Wren, 0. His 2nd of the season, 21st of an increasingly distinguished career — 18th of 877 in the all-time ledger. On this very day in 1960, Pat Hardwick made an identical walk back against Bowaters CC. The calendar, it seems, keeps its own scorebook. - Tim Thirkell (5): b C Wren, 0. A 5th duck for the season, extending his grip on the 1972 crown in some style, and a 16th career nought that lifts him to 27th all-time. A paid-up member of Full House (a duck at every position 1 to 11), the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top tens, and Ducks on the Road besides — there is scarcely a way left to be dismissed for nought that Tim hasn't catalogued. Bowaters CC, 1960, claimed another victim on this same date — Pat Hardwick again, keeping Tim company across twelve years. - Paul Brattle (6): b C Wren, 0. A modest 1st of the season but a 5th for the career, 80th of 877 — and a long-standing Debutante Duck, having opened his account with a nought some seasons back. History repeats a dozen years on: Pat Hardwick fell the identical way, same fixture type, same August date, back in 1960. - Jon Harris (7): c W- Yeomans b C Wren, 0. Season's 1st, but career's 11th — 38th all-time — and one of the club's great honours-board collectors, with Full House, Tourist Duck, Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top tens all to his name, plus Only Two Quacks with Allan Cooper for good measure. Yet another echo of 13 August 1960, when Pat Hardwick suffered precisely the same fate against Bowaters. - Tony Gauna (11): lbw b C Wren, 0. A tidy 1st of the season, 3rd of the career, 138th of 877 — a name still building its duck CV. Pat Hardwick, 1960, Bowaters CC — the fourth appearance of that old fixture on this same date, and Tony's introduction to it. The Wren Show Credit where it's due — C Wren bowled the entire quintet himself, a genuine five-for of noughts, the kind of afternoon that gets a bowler's name etched rather more happily onto a board of his own. Two matches, five ducks, all in one innings, all off one arm. Efficient work, if not from the Linton end of things. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Tim Thirkell — 17 inns, 5 ducks, 29.4% 2. Andrew Moss — 16 inns, 3 ducks, 18.8% 3. Alan Cradduck — 9 inns, 2 ducks, 22.2% 4. John Thirkell — 15 inns, 2 ducks, 13.3% 5. Mike Iliffe — 17 inns, 2 ducks, 11.8% Tim sits well clear at the top with the season still to run — anyone fancying a late surge had better find some form fast. Next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, further additions to the register. 🍩🏏

Three fixtures out on the county's grounds this week and, remarkably, the ducks proved almost impossible to trap. Only one bird found its way into the bag — but what it lacked in company, it made up for in pedigree. 🏏 Sunday NVKC v Blunham CC Andrew Moss, promoted to number 2, departed caught P Ranson bowled M Watson — a tidy piece of work from the Blunham attack that leaves Andrew with precious little to show for his afternoon. It's his 3rd duck of the 1972 season and, more weightily, his 8th for the club from 122 innings, good enough for 50th of 877 in the all-time standings — a place of proper, well-established dubious distinction. Andrew is also a long-serving name on the Retirement Duck honours board, a badge earned on a past occasion and not, we stress, any sort of hint about today — the man's very much still opening the innings. Neatly enough, on this very day in 1956, Tony Levick was also walking back for a duck against Hon F Cornwallis — Tony finished his 1950-1960 career on 7, one behind Andrew's current tally and just a place further down the table at 60th. Sixteen years apart, same fate, same green field somewhere in Kent. 📋 Week in Summary Three matches, one duck — a strangely disciplined week by Linton Park's usual standards. Whether that's a triumph of application or simply a lack of opportunity, the Duck Club isn't in the business of asking questions. The exclusive zero club stays exclusive precisely because weeks like this are rare enough to notice. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks from 14 innings (28.57%) - Andrew Moss — 3 ducks from 16 innings (18.75%) - Alan Cradduck — 2 ducks from 7 innings (28.57%) - John Thirkell — 2 ducks from 15 innings (13.33%) - Ron Hickman — 1 duck from 3 innings (33.33%) Tim Thirkell holds a narrow but nervous lead at the top, with Ron Hickman's early one-in-three rate the sort of statistic that ages very quickly either way. 🍩 Onward to the next round of fixtures, where normal service — several careless waves outside off stump, at least one confident LBW shout, and hopefully a fresh name or two for the honours board — will no doubt resume. Until then, quack on. 0️⃣

Two fixtures on the books this weekend, but the ducks proved largely elusive — Linton's batsmen mostly kept the powder dry. Just the one nought fell to the hunters, and it went to a name well known to the exclusive zero club. Sunday NVKC Away at Glynde & Beddingham CC, Andrew Moss departed at number 2, caught R Clayton off the bowling of William Jones — a tidy dismissal for a tidy, scoreless innings. It's his 2nd duck of the season and his 7th for the career, sending him to 58th of 877 in the all-time standings from 121 innings, a tally built on precisely the sort of consistency the Duck Club reveres. Andrew is also a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck honours board — a farewell presumed rather than confirmed, so no bowing out implied here, he'll doubtless be back at the crease next week to trouble the scorers, or not, as tradition demands. On this very day back in 1967, Robert Chance — who turned out for Linton from 1964 to 1972 — also strolled back for nought, against Paddock Wood CC, one of five career ducks that still hold him at 81st of 877. Some anniversaries are best marked with a straight bat. This wasn't one of them, for either man, five years apart. Week in Summary One duck from two matches is a quiet haul by Duck Club standards — the rest of the order evidently decided restraint was the better part of valour this week. Still, a single well-earned nought counts for more than none at all, and Andrew's double billing (match report and leaderboard alike) keeps the season race honest. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🥇 1. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks / 13 innings (30.77%) 2. Alan Cradduck — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.57%) 3. John Thirkell — 2 ducks / 14 innings (14.29%) 4. Andrew Moss — 2 ducks / 15 innings (13.33%) 5. Ron Hickman — 1 duck / 3 innings (33.33%) Next weekend brings fresh opportunity for the willow to fail spectacularly. The Duck Club watches, waits, and celebrates — as ever. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A rare and troubling occurrence at Linton Park this week: the ducks evaded capture entirely. One match played, not a single nought to show for it. Every batsman who walked to the crease apparently insisted on scoring at least one run — a shocking dereliction of the club's founding principles. The exclusive zero club held no induction ceremony this week. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs of the quacking kind. Just eleven (or twenty-two) players, all stubbornly avoiding ignominy. We can only assume they'll make up for it next time out. Rest assured, the Duck Club statisticians are not worried. A quiet week is merely triumph deferred — the art of not scoring cannot be suppressed forever. 0️⃣ Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 - Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks from 12 innings (33%) - Alan Cradduck — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33%) - John Thirkell — 2 ducks from 13 innings (15%) - Ron Hickman — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) - Jim Hall — 1 duck from 4 innings (25%) Tim Thirkell and Alan Cradduck share top billing on identical duck rates, though Tim's larger sample size lends his consistency an air of grim authority. Ron Hickman meanwhile posts the eye-catching figure of the week — a 50% strike rate for failure from just two visits to the crease. A career built on high stakes. 🏏 Onward to the next fixture, where normal service — naughty noughts and all — will surely resume. The ducks can't hide forever. 🦆🍩

A modest but perfectly formed haul this week — three ducks across two matches, each one a fresh entry in the club's ever-swelling ledger of dubious distinction. 🏏 1st XI — away to Folkestone CC, Saturday 15th Fred Greenfield, in at five, fell caught Purcell bowled Riddalls for his 1st duck of the season — the 19th of a career now 128 innings deep, good enough for 21st on the all-time list. Fred is already a long-standing name on the Retirement Duck honours board from a past farewell, so no stranger to bowing out on nought, though this was merely another instalment rather than a curtain call. Neatly, on this very day back in 1961, Robert Wood (1958–1963, 21 career ducks, rank 19 of 875) was also dismissed for nought, against Tovil and Bridge Mill — the calendar doing its bit for club tradition. 🌱 Sunday NVKC — away to Sheldwich CC, Sunday 16th A brace at Sheldwich kept the second fixture honest. John Thirkell, the club's undisputed record-holder on career ducks, strolled in at four and departed bowled Heward for nought — his 2nd of the season and 75th of an extraordinary career spanning 697 innings, a tally that keeps him a distant and untouchable 1st of 875 on the all-time list. A five-time Duck of the Year (1952, 1954, 1955, 1967 and 1971) and permanent resident of the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens, John is cricket's answer to a force of nature that simply doesn't score. The ducking habit runs in the family too — kin Tim Thirkell (15 career ducks) and Nigel Thirkell (6) are both paid-up club members. Fittingly, on this same day back in 1960, Gordon Fenner (1941–1972, 33 ducks, rank 7) also made a duck, against Rumwood CC. At number eleven, Ron Hickman completed the misery, bowled A Creed for nought — his 1st duck of the season and 18th of his career from just 39 innings, a startling strike rate that puts him 24th on the all-time list. Ron's honours cabinet already carries a Runaway Duck citation from the barren 1965 season and a Quacking Together pairing with Alan Cradduck. As with his skipper's dismissal, the ghost of Gordon Fenner was in attendance once more — another duck for him on this same 1960 date, also against Rumwood CC. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks, two matches, one shared afternoon of misery for Sunday NVKC, who contributed two of the week's three. The 1st XI's trip to Folkestone and the Sunday side's outing at Sheldwich both did their duty for the cause — a fair week's work by the standards of the exclusive zero club. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks in 12 innings (33.3%) 2. Alan Cradduck — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.3%) 3. John Thirkell — 2 ducks in 12 innings (16.7%) 4. Ron Hickman — 1 duck in 2 innings (50.0%) 5. Jim Hall — 1 duck in 3 innings (33.3%) A nice family flavour at the top — Tim Thirkell leads the chase while father figure John sits third, and Ron's blistering 50% is a reminder that in this league it's quality, not quantity, that gets you noticed. 🍩 Next up The season rolls on and the ducks show no sign of retreating. Bats at the ready, gentlemen — the exclusive zero club always has room for one more.

A remarkably restrained week from the Duck Club faithful. Two Midweek XI fixtures came and went with the ducks largely evading capture, bar a single nought that snuck through the nets on the Saturday. 🏏 Midweek XI v West Kent Wanderers CC Batting at nine as the innings wound down, Allan Cooper departed for nought, stumped by R- Grayland off the bowling of R- Langridge, at home on the 12th. A tidy bit of glovework by Grayland, and a tidier bit of misfortune for Cooper. It's his 1st duck of the 1972 campaign and the 2nd of his LPCC career from 23 innings, nudging him to 141st of 875 in the all-time standings — a place of dubious distinction he now shares in spirit, if not in number, with the club's great and good. Cooper is also a founder member of not one but three separate "Only Two Quacks" partnerships on the honours board — alongside Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back — though on this occasion he ducked entirely alone, no accomplice required. Fittingly, history was watching too: on this very day back in 1964, Len Conway also strolled back for nought, against Claributs Circus of all opponents, on his way to 12 career ducks and a lofty 35th place in the all-time list across a career spanning 1954 to 1965. Consistency of a very particular kind, echoing down the decades. 📊 Week in Summary One duck from two matches — the quietest census the club has taken in some time. Whether that's admirable application at the crease or simply the ducks having a lie-in is a matter for the committee. Either way, the exclusive zero club gained a single new entry and no repeat offenders this week — a rare week of triumph through adversity where adversity mostly stayed home. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks from 12 innings (33.33%) 2. Alan Cradduck — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33.33%) 3. Dick Langridge — 1 duck from 3 innings (33.33%) 4. Jim Hall — 1 duck from 3 innings (33.33%) 5. Benny Bell — 1 duck from 5 innings (20.0%) Thirkell holds firm at the summit, with Cradduck, Langridge and Hall all quietly stalking at a identical clip. Plenty of season left for anyone fancying a late run at the top. 🦆 Looking Ahead The art of not scoring waits for no one. With the season still very much alive, who'll be next through the turnstile of the zero club? We watch. We wait. We celebrate.

A quiet week for the exclusive zero club — just two visits to the crease that mattered across three fixtures — but quality over quantity, as ever, in the art of not scoring. 🏏 Saturday 1st July — 1st XI vs Tilling Steven Jim Hall walked out at six and departed the way champions of nothing do — caught G. Shepherd, bowled P. Parkinson, without so much as troubling the scorers. It's the 1st of the season for Jim and the 9th of a well-upholstered career, moving him to 47th of 874 in the all-time table. A veteran of these parts, Jim's honours cabinet groans under the weight of it — Duck of the Year 1970, a place in the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and a Full House nearly-man badge for having ducked in ten of the eleven batting positions (six apparently still owes him one). He also carries Quacking Together credits alongside Jon Harris, Martin Mears and — fittingly, given the week — Tim Thirkell, plus Only Two Quacks pairings with Allan Cooper and Nigel Thirkell. Splendidly, on this very day in 1962, one Len Conway also made a duck against Tilling Steven — a full decade of separation, the same fixture, the same fate. 🏏 Wednesday 5th July — Midweek XI vs Northend Sunday Tim Thirkell offered his customary mid-innings appearance at five and was gone — caught B. Fox, bowled P. Best. This is Tim's 4th duck of the 1972 season and 15th of his career, good enough for 28th of 874 all-time, and it keeps him firmly in this season's Duck of the Year conversation, a title he currently has by the scruff of the neck. Tim already boasts the rare Full House — a duck recorded at every position, one to eleven, a feat of comprehensive uselessness few can match. He's also a paid-up member of Quacking Together with Jim Hall, which felt entirely appropriate given Jim's own effort earlier in the week. A dynastic footnote: Tim's kin include John Thirkell, sitting top of the entire all-time list on a scarcely believable 74 career ducks, sibling Nigel on 6 and cousin Stuart on 1 — clearly the family trade is passed down carefully. And history repeats itself again: on this day in 1943, Herbert Sunley also made a duck, against Mr Ashby's XI. 📋 Week in Summary Two ducks from three matches — a lean but perfectly formed harvest. Both fell to catches, both at odd-numbered-ish middle-order positions, and both, remarkably, have a same-day historical twin from decades past. The Duck Club archive really does not forget. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks / 12 innings (33%) 2. Alan Cradduck — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40%) 3. Jim Hall — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) 4. Dick Langridge — 1 duck / 3 innings (33%) 5. Benny Bell — 1 duck / 5 innings (20%) 🍩 The season race stays wide open, with Tim out in front but Alan Cradduck's fearsome 40% strike rate lurking dangerously. Next match, next chance — the ducks are always circling. See you at the crease. 0️⃣🦆

A single fixture out on the paddock this week, and — brace yourselves — not a single nought to show for it. The zero club convenes today to find the cupboard bare, the honours board gathering dust, and eleven-plus batsmen apparently far too preoccupied with the vulgar business of scoring runs to trouble the scorer in the proper fashion. Rest assured, this is merely a lull, not a retirement of the art form. The ducks are out there somewhere, biding their time, and normal service — golden, king-paired, or otherwise — will resume shortly. Even the finest exponents have their off weeks. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 - Tim Thirkell — 9 innings, 3 ducks (33%) — sets the early pace and shows no sign of easing off - Alan Cradduck — 5 innings, 2 ducks (40%) — the metronome of nought, closing in fast - Dick Langridge — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) — a flawless 50% strike rate, terrifyingly efficient - Benny Bell — 4 innings, 1 duck (25%) — quietly banking his contribution - Nigel Thirkell — 4 innings, 1 duck (25%) — keeping it in the family, evidently a shared talent A tight little scrap at the top, and with the season still young there's every chance one of these five breaks clear before long. Tim Thirkell leads by strike rate and volume alike — the rest will need to find their ducks quickly if they're to catch him. So — quiet on the nought front this week, but the club's doors remain very much open. Next fixture, someone will surely oblige. Pad up, gentlemen, the zero club awaits your application. 🏏0️⃣

A single fixture out on the green this week, and for once the Zero Club must report... nothing to report. Not a single batsman troubled the scorers with a blob, a duck, a nought, an egg. The dreaded bird evaded capture entirely on the 17th, and the honours board gathers dust for another week. Rare are the days when Linton sends its XI out and every single one of them gets off the mark. Whether this speaks to good batting, generous bowling, or simply a very short queue of volunteers willing to walk back for nought, history does not record — but the Duck Club salutes the anomaly all the same. Even the taxman gets a day off occasionally. Standing ovation, then, for a team that collectively remembered which end of the bat to hold. Do not get used to it. 🍩 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — the chase continues Even with a blank week on the board, the 1972 race for Duck of the Year rumbles on undisturbed: 1. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks from 8 innings (37.5%) — the early pace-setter, quietly building a season to be reckoned with. 2. Alan Cradduck — 2 ducks from 5 innings (40.0%) — the division's most efficient collector, nought for effort spared. 3. Dick Langridge — 1 duck from 2 innings (50.0%) — a flawless 50% strike rate, statistically the boldest average in the club this week. 4. Benny Bell — 1 duck from 4 innings (25.0%) — steady, unspectacular, present. 5. Nigel Thirkell — 1 duck from 4 innings (25.0%) — keeping it in the family, one nought at a time. With Tim out in front and Alan snapping at his heels on percentage alone, this remains very much an open contest. A quiet week is not a safe week — the top five will know better than anyone that the duck always comes back. 🏏 Looking ahead The Duck Club rests its nets but never its watch. Somewhere out there, next weekend's fixtures are already plotting a fresh crop of golden ducks, king pairs, and the odd family affair to keep the honours board honest. Pads on, bat straight, and may the odds be ever in your favour. Until then — the zero club remains open, just unusually empty. 🦆 0️⃣

Two matches, two visits to the crease of shame this week — the exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees. 1st XI Saturday 11th June, home to Kent Hoppers — Andrew Moss, in at four, given lbw by F. Ridgeway before he could get going. It's his 6th career duck from 114 innings, holding at 61st of 874 in the all-time table — level company with several 1960s stalwarts on the same tally. Andrew is also a quiet member of the Retirement Duck honours board, a title only ever awarded in hindsight, so we'll say no more about that for now. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1967 Terry Whittaker was enduring the same fate against Hartley Country Club CC, en route to 29 career ducks and 10th on the all-time list. Tuesday 13th, again at home, this time to West Farleigh CC — Tim Thirkell departed for 7, bowled by Colin Clark. It's his 3rd of the campaign and 14th for the club, keeping him 31st of 874 all-time, and it stretches his lead at the top of the Duck of the Year 1972 race. This one also ticks off position seven on his personal Full House card — a duck at every spot in the order, one to eleven, a feat few can claim — and keeps him lodged in the top ten of the Homebody, Ducks on the Road and Lone Duck leaderboards alike. Ducking is evidently in the blood: father John Thirkell sits top of the all-time charts on a formidable 74, with brother Nigel also carrying six of his own. Spookily, on this same date in 1971 Graham Abel was suffering an identical fate against Bobbing Court CC. Week in Summary A modest but perfectly formed haul — 2 ducks from 2 matches, both courtesy of the 1st XI, both at home, and both bowled or given rather than run out. The rest of the club, for once, kept their heads down and their bats straight. No pairs, no family affairs this week — the ducklings live to fight another day. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Tim Thirkell — 7 innings, 3 ducks, 42.86% - Alan Cradduck — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.00% - Dick Langridge — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.00% - Nigel Thirkell — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% - Benny Bell — 4 innings, 1 duck, 25.00% Tim Thirkell holds a healthy lead in the race for Duck of the Year 1972 — but with the season still young, plenty of time for a late surge from the chasing pack. 🏏 Same time next week, same crease, same invitation — the ducks never take a weekend off. See you all out there. 0️⃣🦆

A bumper long weekend for the exclusive zero club, with three fixtures producing five prime specimens of the art of not scoring. Bearsted CC proved a happy hunting ground, and one name found the ignominy twice inside 48 hours. 🏏 Saturday 27th — 1st XI v Maidstone YMCA CC (h) Tim Thirkell got the weekend's quacking underway at number three, bowled by G Hubbard for his 1st duck of the season. It's his 12th career nought from 64 innings — good enough for 32nd on the all-time charts — and keeps him well out in front in this year's Duck of the Year race, a title the 1972 board already has his name against. Tim is also a long-standing Full House member, a duck recorded in every position 1 to 11 over the years, and sits in the top ten of both the Homebody and Ducks on the Road charts — a man who ducks home and away with equal enthusiasm. Kin note: father John Thirkell heads the entire all-time list on a scarcely believable 74, so this is very much the family business. On this very day back in 1956, C Haylor was doing much the same against Ron Aiston XI. 🌱 Sunday 28th — Sunday NVKC v High Halstow CC (a) No rest for Tim, run out for nought at High Halstow to bag his 2nd duck of the season and 13th of his career — and, more importantly, his second duck of the weekend, a grim Saturday-Sunday pair to add to the collection. Back on this day in 1928, Bert Buckoke made a duck of his own against Bearsted CC, a fitting spiritual ancestor. 🏏 Monday 29th — 1st XI v Bearsted CC (h) Bearsted's bowlers then set about the middle order. Nigel Thirkell — Tim's brother, with the clan's ledger reading three career ducks between the siblings plus father John's untouchable 74 — was caught behind for his 1st duck of the season, his 6th in 22 innings, 70th all-time, and adds to his own top-ten billing in the Homebody and Tourist charts. On this day in 1937, E Hayes made a duck against Charles Arkcoll. Dick Langridge followed, caught for his 1st of the season and a serene 21st career duck from 137 innings, 17th on the leaderboard — no honours board entries yet, but numbers like that suggest it's only a matter of time. He shares his day with the same E Hayes effort of 1937. Then Alan Cradduck completed the collapse, caught for his 2nd duck of the season and 11th career from 33 innings, 36th all-time. Alan remains a card-carrying Debutante Duck, his very first Linton innings also a blob, and still holds his place among the Ducks in a Row. Another E Hayes echo on the calendar for him too. 📊 The Week in Numbers Five ducks from three matches, Bearsted CC doing the most damage with three scalps in one innings, and the Thirkell family alone responsible for three of the five. Tim Thirkell's Saturday-Sunday pair was the standout feat of the period. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Alan Cradduck — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.0% - Tim Thirkell — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.0% - Dick Langridge — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0% - Benny Bell — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.3% - Nigel Thirkell — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.3% Alan leads for now, but Tim's only one duck behind and has just proven he can find them in pairs. Next fixture, same standing invitation: bat first, duck second, and let the club do the rest. 🦆🍩

A curious weekend for the club's least wanted honours board. Two fixtures were played across the 20th and 21st, both sides carried the willow out with good intentions, and not a single batsman obliged the Duck Club with the customary nought. The zero club sits idle. Somewhere out there twenty-two Linton batsmen got off the mark and, frankly, should be ashamed of themselves. We are reliably informed this sort of thing happens. Ducks are notoriously shy creatures, prone to evading even the keenest slip cordon, and this weekend they simply declined the invitation. The exclusive zero club remains exclusive, if a little quiet. Fear not — the season standings show the appetite for ignominy is alive and well elsewhere, and normal service will surely resume next weekend. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — 1972 🥇 Alan Cradduck — 1 duck from 2 innings, a startling 50% strike rate for the art of not scoring 🥇 Benny Bell — level with Cradduck on 1 from 2, also 50%, proof that misery loves company 🥉 John Thirkell — 1 from 3 innings, 33%, holding steady 4️⃣ Mike Iliffe — 1 from 4 innings, 25%, the model of restraint by comparison Four names, one shared nought each, and the season still young enough for any of them to pull away. Cradduck and Bell in particular will want to watch their backs — or rather, watch their front foot — before somebody more determined muscles into pole position. 🏏 Nothing to see here this week, ducks — but the next fixture is never far away, and this column will be watching every dismissal with the keen interest it deserves. Get out there, get bowled first ball, and give the honours board something to talk about. 0️⃣🦆

A single fixture out on the paddock this week, and — brace yourselves — not a single nought to show for it. Eleven-a-side, every batsman up and at 'em, and the exclusive zero club received not one new application. A vegan affair from start to finish, no fowl play whatsoever. Whether this counts as a triumph of application or simply a quiet week for the art of not scoring, the committee declines to speculate. The ducks, it seems, took flight elsewhere. Rest assured they'll be back — they always are. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — 1972 - Alan Cradduck — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 🍩 An early and emphatic statement of intent. - Benny Bell — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 🍩 Joins Cradduck at the summit, level on a perfect record nobody wants. - John Thirkell — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% 🥇 Steady progress towards true poultry consistency. - Mike Iliffe — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% 0️⃣ The nearly-man of the early season, one duck the wiser each time out. Four names on the board and the season barely begun — plenty of time yet for the standings to be scrambled, reshuffled, and generally thrown into glorious disarray. Cradduck and Bell will want to keep half an eye on their shoulders; a 100% record is a magnificent thing right up until someone spoils it by scoring a run. Next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, fresh additions to the honours board. The ducks are only ever resting. 🏏🦆

Slim pickings this week, Duck Hunters, but the one that fell was a proper collector's item. 🏏 1st XI — away at Bobbing Court CC Sent in at number 10, Alan Cradduck's afternoon ended tamely, c Damien Hudson b W Webb, nought to his name. It's his 1st duck of the 1972 season and the 10th of a 30-innings career, holding him at a lofty 39th of 868 in the all-time roll of dishonour. Alan is no stranger to this company — a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his own duck-on-debut days, and one of the rare few to have strung together Ducks in a Row (5 consecutive), a feat that speaks to a certain bloody-minded consistency. He also shares the Quacking Together honour with Ron Hickman, though Ron kept his powder dry this week. Splendidly, the fixture itself has previous — on this day in 1967, Robert Chance also departed for a duck against these very same opponents, part of a 1964–1972 career that yielded 5 ducks and 81st place on the all-time list. Robert's name still carries the Retirement Duck honour from his eventual bow-out, a solemn reminder that all good quacking careers must end somewhere. 📊 Week in Summary One match, one duck — Bobbing Court CC clearly kept their heads down and declined to add to the tally themselves. A quiet week by Duck Club standards, but quality over quantity, as ever. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Alan Cradduck — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - Benny Bell — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - John Thirkell — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - Mike Iliffe — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) A perfectly poultry start to 1972 for three of our four front-runners, all boasting the purest of duck rates. Someone will have to actually survive a ball soon to break up the party.

The 1972 campaign is barely a fortnight old and the Zero Club has already convened, courtesy of a single ill-starred Sunday trip to Leeds & Broomfield. ☀️ Sunday 4 May — Leeds & Broomfield CC (away) Sunday NVKC's innings unravelled in familiar fashion, with three names added to the club's least wanted list. First to fall was John Thirkell, bowled by A Pride at number three. Nothing new under the sun for a man who sits, unassailably, at #1 of 867 in the club's all-time duck standings — this is his 74th career nought from 686 innings, and his first of the summer. A five-time Duck of the Year (1952, '54, '55, '67 and '71), a fixture of the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top tens, and a paid-up member of Quacking Together twice over — with Bob Arnold and with William Buck — Thirkell duck-hunts with the quiet authority of a man who has seen it all before, including, evidently, this exact calendar date: on this day back in 1969, Stan Wratten made his own duck against Bobbing Court CC, and Thirkell now shares that grim anniversary. Keep an eye, too, on the Thirkell name generally — sons Tim and Nigel are already carrying 11 and 5 career ducks of their own, so the dynasty looks secure. M Sharrett then did the double, removing both Mike Iliffe and Benny Bell in short order. Iliffe, at five, departs for his 20th career duck in 125 innings — good enough for 20th on the all-time list — and, fittingly, joins Thirkell in marking the 1969 anniversary of Stan Wratten's Bobbing Court blank. Bell followed at six, his 21st career duck from just 87 innings lifting him to 15th of 867 — the best rate of the afternoon — and he too can raise a glass, or rather lower one, to the same 1969 date. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks, one match, one thoroughly grateful bowling attack — M Sharrett claimed two of the three with successive deliveries doing more damage to Sunday NVKC's card than the scoreboard. Every ducker this week is, appropriately, on a 100% record so far this season — there's nowhere to go but down, or up, depending on how you look at it. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Benny Bell — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 1. John Thirkell — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 1. Mike Iliffe — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) Early days yet, and the whole top five is locked at a flawless — or flawed, depending on your allegiance — 100%. Plenty of season left for someone to spoil it by actually scoring. 🍩 Same time next fixture, then. The ducks are out there, patient as ever, and Linton Park will be doing its level best to feed them. See you at the crease — or, more likely, on the way back from it.