🦆 The Duck Pond

As the 1958 season draws towards its curtain, the Duck Club staged its own closing ceremony — nine gloriously scoreless departures across two matches. The art of not scoring, it seems, never takes a day off. Saturday 27th — 1st XI v A. Trembeths - Terry Whittaker (no. 9) fell b J- Mortlock for the very first duck of his 10-innings career, 297th on the all-time list — and a lifetime member of the "Quacking Together" honour shared with one Brian Relf, who would renew that partnership in spirit come Sunday. - Tony Snell (no. 11) departed b v- Chance, his 5th duck of the season and 13th of a career that now stands 9th all-time. Runs this season: none whatsoever — his board already confirms a full "Runaway Duck" campaign, and the reigning Duck of the Year 1958 shows no sign of loosening his grip on the crown. Both fell on the very date that, back in 1953, Tony Tipples (1952–58) also quacked against Linton Park CC — the fixture list has a long memory for these things. Sunday 28th — v Linton Park CC (Unknown XI, Married & Singles) - Len Conway (Unknown XI, 2) b Alan Wilkes — season duck #1, 4th of his career, 60th all-time, and a paid-up Debutante Duck club member. - Ray Howard (Unknown XI, 3) lbw b Gordon Fenner — his 2nd this season, 6th career, 37th all-time. - John Waters (Unknown XI, 5) b Gordon Fenner — 3rd career duck, 81st all-time. - John Abnett (Unknown XI, 10) b Alan Wilkes — 2nd of the season, 10th career, up to 18th all-time, and already a name on the honours board for four Ducks in a Row. - J Lea (Unknown XI, 11) b Alan Wilkes — an eye-watering 4th duck of the season, 5th career, 44th all-time — see the leaderboard below, he's earned his place. - Tony Levick (Married, 5) b Ray Howard — proof Ray can dish it out as well as collect it — 2nd of the season, 7th career, 31st all-time. - Brian Relf (Singles, 3) b G Martin — 3rd of the season, 5th career, 41st all-time, a long-standing Debutante Duck alumnus whose "Quacking Together" honour pairs him with none other than Terry Whittaker, out himself just a day earlier — kindred quackers across the weekend, if not the crease. Spookily, this same date in 1952 saw Ray Tippen also fall to Linton Park CC — some fixtures simply have the duck's scent about them. Week in summary: 9 ducks from 2 matches, with Alan Wilkes and Gordon Fenner each claiming a brace — Linton Park CC's attack plainly fancied its chances this weekend. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Tony Snell — 8 inns, 5 ducks (62.5%) 2. John Ames — 19 inns, 5 ducks (26.32%) 3. Roy Clarke — 27 inns, 5 ducks (18.52%) 4. J Lea — 6 inns, 4 ducks (66.67%) 5. Stan Wratten — 16 inns, 4 ducks (25.0%) Tony Snell sits top of both the table and the Duck of the Year race — can anyone reel him in before 1958 draws stumps for good? Same ground, same fixtures, more nought-shaped glory awaits next time out. 🏏🍩0️⃣

A quieter weekend for the Club numerically, but a rich one thematically, with the 1st XI supplying the entire haul and Tilling Steven proving a positively fowl venue for Linton's middle order. 🏏 Saturday 20th — Bearsted CC (away) Batting at 11 with little left to protect, Tony Snell departed caught Ian Lambert bowled Bryan Elswood without adding to the total. It's his 4th duck of the campaign and his 12th in a 43-innings career, good enough for 11th of 710 in the all-time reckoning — and it draws him level on tally with Bert Buckoke, who played 1928–1953 and reached his dozen in 55 innings. Snell also extends his run to four ducks in a row, a streak that would make a hen proud, and with "Duck of the Year 1958" already on his honours board he heads into the run-in as the man to catch this season. The "Runaway Duck (a whole season without a run)" honour, too, sits uncomfortably close should he keep this up. 🌱 Sunday 21st — Tilling Steven (home) If Saturday was a solitary quack, Sunday was a full chorus. Three Linton batsmen fell without scoring in the same innings against Tilling Steven, a genuine gathering of the clan. Stan Wratten went first, run out for nought at number 2 — his 4th of the season and 15th of a 161-innings career, 6th of 710 all-time. On this very day in 1957, Richard Harris (1940–1958, 28 career ducks, 2nd of 710) also strolled back for a duck, so the calendar keeps good company. John Ames followed, lbw to F. Baker at 6, his 5th duck of the season and 17th of the career from 121 innings, 4th of 710 — a lofty position, backed by a place in the Homebody Duck top 10. Ames and Wratten renew their "Quacking Together" partnership in fine style this week, both falling in the same innings as history suggested they might. Roy Clarke completed the set, bowled by the same F. Baker at 7, his 5th season duck and 7th career one from 43 innings, 30th of 710. Clarke, too, shares "Quacking Together" honours with Ames — and true to form, the pair obliged together at Tilling Steven. 📋 Week in Summary Four ducks from two matches, every one of them a 1st XI affair, and three of the four arriving in a single unhappy innings at Tilling Steven. Not quite family, but certainly friendly. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - John Ames — 18 inns, 5 ducks, 27.78% - Roy Clarke — 25 inns, 5 ducks, 20.00% - Tony Snell — 7 inns, 4 ducks, 57.14% - Bob Arnold — 15 inns, 4 ducks, 26.67% - Stan Wratten — 15 inns, 4 ducks, 26.67% Next fixture looms and the exclusive zero club never closes its books early. Bring your bats, gentlemen — someone's got to keep the honours board honest. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Two fixtures at the tail end of the season, but it was Sunday's trip to Tunbridge Wells CC that did the real damage — five ducks in a single innings, a proper cluster of quacks to close out the week. 1st XI v Tunbridge Wells CC (away) - Stan Wratten opened and departed early, caught Woodland bowled Hall — his 3rd duck of the season and 14th of a steadily swelling career, good for 8th of 709 all time and level with both Frank Sutton (1925–1949) and Gordon Fenner (1941–1958). Spookily, this very date in 1957 saw Bob Arnold post a duck of his own against Bowaters CC — September has form. - John Ames, at five, fell to William Isard for his 4th of the season and 16th of his career, climbing to 4th on the all-time list. A card-carrying member of the Homebody Duck top ten and the exclusive Ducks in a Row club, Ames also holds Quacking Together honours with both Stan Wratten and Roy Clarke — and remarkably both obliged him in this very innings, the set completed live in front of the Tunbridge Wells fielders. - Cliff Anscombe followed soon after for his 3rd of the season and 7th career duck, 27th of 709 all time, level with Arthur Cradduck (1950–1953) and Frank Brattle (1937–1958). A Debutante Duck by trade and Duck of the Year back in 1957, Cliff shows no sign of slowing this fine tradition. - Roy Clarke made it four for the season and six for his career, 35th of 709 and level with current-era regulars Tony Levick and Tony Tipples. His own Quacking Together pact with Ames rang true once more, the two men departing within the same innings. - Last man John Lea, on debut, was bowled by Charles Wicker without troubling the scorers — a genuine baptism into the Debutante Duck club, and 1958's newest recruit to the One and Done register. Whether he stays a member of one is entirely up to him. Week in summary: 5 ducks from 2 matches, the entire haul arriving in one innings at Tunbridge Wells. Three of the five — Wratten, Ames and Clarke — share mutual Quacking Together honours that all rang true in the same innings, a rare triangle of shared ignominy 🍩🍩🍩. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 - Bob Arnold — 4 ducks, 14 innings, 28.57% - John Ames — 4 ducks, 17 innings, 23.53% - Roy Clarke — 4 ducks, 23 innings, 17.39% - J Lea — 3 ducks, 5 innings, 60.00% - Tony Snell — 3 ducks, 6 innings, 50.00% The race for Duck of the Year 1958 remains wide open, with Ames and Clarke breathing down Arnold's neck. Next fixture, the ducks will no doubt be watching — see you all there 🏏0️⃣

A quiet weekend for the club at large, but the 1st XI kept the zero club ticking over nicely with three fresh entries to the ledger of dubious distinction. 🏏 Saturday — Away at Tovil John Ames opened the weekend's account, lbw to F- Goldsworthy at number 5. It's his 3rd duck of the season and 15th of a storied career, good enough for 5th on the all-time list from 119 innings — a genuine club institution, already carrying "Ducks in a Row (4 consecutive)" and a Homebody Duck top ten spot on his honours board, alongside standing "Quacking Together" pairings with Roy Clarke and Stan Wratten. On this very day in 1953, Richard Harris — the club's 2nd-highest all-time duck-getter with 28 across 1940–1958 — was performing precisely the same ceremony against Gillingham CC in Kent. Ames keeps fine historical company. 🌱 Sunday — Home to Anchorians CC Sunday's home fixture proved a productive one for all the wrong reasons, with Anchorians CC claiming a brace. Cliff Anscombe went first, bowled by J Toon, for his 2nd duck of the season and 6th of his career — 29th all time. Cliff is a long-standing Debutante Duck club member, having marked his very first senior innings with a nought, and was Duck of the Year back in 1957 for good measure. Fittingly, it was on this same date in 1957 that Frank Brattle (1937–1958, 7 ducks, 27th all time) was last seen making an identical contribution against Tovil. At the other end of the innings, last man Alan Wilkes was bowled by Don Wykes for his 1st duck of the season and 8th career nought, moving him to 22nd all time. Wilkes' honours board already carries two "Only Two Quacks" partnerships — with Bob Arnold, and with Saturday's own John Ames — proof that the zero club runs in company as much as in solitude. Like Cliff, Wilkes joins Frank Brattle's 1957 vintage on the calendar of shared infamy. 📋 Week in Summary Three ducks, two matches, one club — with the 1st XI shouldering the entire burden this week and Anchorians CC doing the double on Sunday. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs to report — just solid, dependable failure to trouble the scorers. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🥇 Bob Arnold — 4 ducks, 13 innings (30.77%) 🥈 J Lea — 3 ducks, 5 innings (60.00%) 🥉 Tony Snell — 3 ducks, 6 innings (50.00%) 4. John Ames — 3 ducks, 16 innings (18.75%) 5. Roy Clarke — 3 ducks, 21 innings (14.29%) J Lea's 60% strike rate remains the one to watch — at this rate the season's Duck of the Year race may be settled well before the last ball is bowled. 🍩 Next fixture looms, and with it, further opportunities for enshrinement. Get your ducks in a row, gentlemen — the honours board never sleeps. 🦆

Two fixtures, six ducks, and the ghost of John Thirkell walking arm in arm with every one of them — the great man (1943–1958, still an imperious 40 ducks, all-time #1) made his own duck on this very date back in 1952, once at Hunton Wanderers, once at A Levick XI. History has a wicked sense of timing. 🏏 Saturday 30th — 1st XI v W. Buck's XI (h) John Abnett departed for nought, caught Beale bowled Ames — his 1st duck of the season and 9th of a career now 21st all-time, a paid-up member of the "Ducks in a Row" club, four on the spin at his peak. Tony Snell followed him back, caught Morris bowled the same J. Ames, for his 3rd of the season and 11th career, 14th all-time. Snell wears the 1958 Duck of the Year sash and, more remarkably, the "Runaway Duck" honour — a whole season so far without a run to his name. Watch the leaderboard below though, where he isn't quite top dog yet. Spare a thought for opposition bowler J. Ames, whose afternoon's work sent both men packing — a surname Linton would hear from again rather sooner than expected. 🏏 Sunday 31st — 1st XI v Halfway House (h) Four fell in this one, headlined by our own John Ames, bowled Colin Robinson for his 2nd of the season and 14th career, 7th all-time — a committed Homebody Duck top-tenner who rarely troubles the away tally. Moments later Roy Clarke was run out for his 3rd of the season, 5th career, 44th all-time — and in doing so completed the "Quacking Together" honour shared with Ames, the pair now officially quacking as one. E. Childs marked his senior debut the only way the Duck Club truly respects — straight onto the Debutante Duck board, career figures reading a perfect 1 from 1. J. Lea, bowled Allsworth, notched his 3rd of the season and 4th career, 57th all-time — sharing his method of dismissal with Childs, both undone by the same probing spell. 📊 Week in Summary Six ducks from two matches, all at home, all 1st XI — a rare weekend where the seconds and thirds kept their heads down and let the top team do the collecting. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Bob Arnold — 4 ducks, 13 inns, 30.8% - J Lea — 3 ducks, 5 inns, 60.0% - Tony Snell — 3 ducks, 6 inns, 50.0% - Roy Clarke — 3 ducks, 20 inns, 15.0% - John Thirkell — 3 ducks, 25 inns, 12.0% Arnold sits imperiously atop the pile, but Snell, Lea and Clarke are queuing up behind him. The race for 1958's crown is far from settled. Next fixture, next chance — the ducks never rest, and nor should you. See you at the crease. 🦆🏏

A quiet week for the exclusive zero club, and not in the good way. Two fixtures went to the middle this weekend and, remarkably, not a single Linton batsman could be tempted into the honours book. Eleven-plus willow wielders per side, both days, and every last one of them found the middle of the bat at least once. The art of not scoring, it seems, took the weekend off. Whether this is a triumph of technique or simply a temporary drought in supply remains a matter for debate down at the clubhouse. Either way, the Duck Club committee notes the anomaly with mild suspicion and looks forward to normal service resuming forthwith. 0️⃣ Ducks recorded: 0 🏏 Matches played: 2 🍩 Verdict: the ducks evaded capture entirely — a rare and faintly unsettling weekend of runs all round Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Bob Arnold — 4 ducks from 13 innings (31%) — the early pacesetter, and not hanging about 2. John Thirkell — 3 ducks from 25 innings (12%) — the diesel engine of the chase, ducks arriving steadily rather than in a rush 3. C- Haylor — 2 ducks from just 4 innings (50%) — a coin-flip at the crease if ever there was one 3. J Lea — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50%) — keeping Haylor honest at the top table 5. Brian Relf — 2 ducks from 5 innings (40%) — the chasing pack, and closing fast With Bob Arnold sat handsomely clear at the top and a cluster of 50% merchants snapping at his heels, the race for Duck of the Year 1958 remains very much alive, even if this particular weekend refused to contribute to it. Fear not, members — the season is young yet and Linton's bowlers on the receiving end have shown no signs of losing their touch. Next fixture, normal service, and no doubt several fresh additions to the honours board. 🦆 Until then, keep your eyes on the scorebook and your bats, ideally, off it.

Two fixtures, four ducks, and the exclusive zero club took in a full house this weekend. Linton's top order continues to demonstrate that consistency of a very particular kind. 🏏 Saturday 16th — away to Bowaters CC Bob Arnold departed at four, bowled by Eric Wilson, for his 4th duck of the season and 26th of a career now bedding into the all-time top three — 3rd of 706, no less. This one extends his "Ducks in a Row" board to four on the bounce, a feat requiring real discipline to sustain, and keeps him in company on the "Only Two Quacks" honour with Alan Wilkes and "Quacking Together" with John Thirkell. Neat symmetry too: on this very day in 1953, John Ames also made a duck against Mote A — 13 career ducks and 7th of 706 to Ames' name, a fitting shadow to cast. 🌱 Sunday 17th — home to Mote A Mote A's bowlers did brisk business, taking three Linton wickets for nought in a single innings. Stan Wratten fell at three, bowled by S. Kitchin, his 2nd duck of the season and 13th of a career that sits him 8th of 706 — a lofty perch. He shares the "Quacking Together" board with John Ames. On this day back in 1957, John Thirkell was also enjoying the poultry treatment, against Bowaters CC no less — 40 career ducks and still Linton's undisputed number one. Roy Clarke followed at five, caught P. Jordan bowled A. Olsen, his 2nd of the season and 4th career duck, 61st of 706 — and, like Wratten, a fellow member of "Quacking Together (with John Ames)". The same 1957 echo applies: Thirkell ducking against Bowaters on this exact date. Richard Harris rounded things off at nine, also bowled by S. Kitchin, taking his season tally to a debut-of-the-week 1 but his career tally to a startling 28 — good enough for 2nd of 706 all-time, agonisingly close to the summit. Another nod to Thirkell's 1957 vintage duck completes the set. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks from two matches, three of them arriving in the same Mote A innings — S. Kitchin doing the damage twice over. Bob Arnold quietly extends his consecutive-duck streak while Richard Harris continues his relentless march up the all-time table. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Bob Arnold — 13 inns, 4 ducks (30.8%) 2. John Thirkell — 23 inns, 3 ducks (13.0%) 3. C. Haylor — 3 inns, 2 ducks (66.7%) 4. J Lea — 4 inns, 2 ducks (50.0%) 5. Brian Relf — 5 inns, 2 ducks (40.0%) That's the tally for now, though with Bowaters and Mote A both showing form for taking Linton wickets cheaply, the Duck Club expects fresh nominations before the season's out. See you at the crease — or, more likely, on the way back from it. 🦆🍩

A quiet weekend at Linton Park by match count, but a vintage one for the ledger — five new entries to the zero club, four of them courtesy of a single ruthless Headcorn attack. 🏏 Saturday — 1st XI v Headcorn CC (h) Opening the batting and opening the day's account, John Thirkell fell caught Farrance bowled Kemp without scoring. The club's ledger has been counting on his behalf for years — this is his 3rd duck of the season and takes him to 40 for his career, top of the all-time chart at rank 1 of 706, a record about as secure as records get. He arrives already garlanded with Duck of the Year honours from 1952, 1954 and 1955, plus permanent residency in the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens. On this very day in 1904, Jack Fryer made his own duck against Leeds Castle CC's House Team — some traditions run deep. Robert Wood followed, bowled Murrell for nought, his 2nd of the season and 2nd of a career just seven innings young, rank 135 of 706. His Debutante Duck board records that his first-ever senior innings, some years back, was also a blob — today's simply adds to the collection. Jack Fryer, 1904, keeps him company on the calendar once again. Then Bob Arnold, caught Farrance bowled Murrell — the same Farrance who'd already pouched Thirkell, evidently having a fine afternoon in the slips. Arnold's 3rd of the season moves him to 25 career ducks, rank 3 of 706, well inside his own Ducks in a Row (4 consecutive) territory, and formally Quacking Together with Thirkell — a partnership the pair have now honoured twice, on this very afternoon. Fryer's 1904 duck obliges the pattern again. Brian Relf closed the innings out, caught Wilkinson bowled Kemp, his 2nd of the season and 4th career duck, rank 47 of 706. His Debutante Duck and Retirement Duck boards are standing honours from a career with its own bookends, nothing to do with today — alongside Quacking Together with Terry Whittaker. Fryer's 1904 shift echoes once more down the decades. Four ducks, two bowlers — Kemp and Murrell shared the spoils evenly, with Farrance doing the honest work at slip twice over. 🌱 Sunday — 1st XI v Harrietsham CC (h) Roy Clarke was bowled by D La Plain for nought, his 1st duck of the season and 3rd of a 34-innings career, rank 86 of 706. His Quacking Together board names John Ames, a partnership from a different vintage. On this day in 1895, J Lampard also made a duck, against Maidstone CC. 📊 The Week in Brief Five ducks from two matches, all in the 1st XI, all on home soil — Headcorn's attack claimed four of them between just two bowlers. Quality over quantity, as the zero club likes to say. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Bob Arnold — 3 ducks, 12 innings (25%) 2. John Thirkell — 3 ducks, 21 innings (14.29%) 3. C- Haylor — 2 ducks, 3 innings (66.67%) 4. J Lea — 2 ducks, 4 innings (50%) 5. Brian Relf — 2 ducks, 5 innings (40%) See you next weekend, when the zero club will no doubt be recruiting again. 🦆🍩

Three fresh admissions to the exclusive zero club this week, and — fittingly for a place of dubious distinction — every single one wearing 1st XI colours. The art of not scoring is in rude health at Linton Park. 1st XI Saturday 2nd August, away to Aylesford Paper Mills CC: - C- Haylor, in at six, was caught Ken Lewis bowled A Burton for his 2nd duck of the season and 11th of a career that now sits 11th of 706 on the all-time list — a long-standing member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell, though happily still turning out. On this very day in 1944, E- Humphreys also trudged back for nought, against the National Fire Service Overseas Contingent no less — history keeping its diary tidy. - Bob Arnold went two down the order at eight, lbw to the same A Burton, for his 2nd of the season and 24th career nought — a rarefied 3rd of 706 all-time, and a fixture of Ducks in a Row (four consecutive), Only Two Quacks (with Alan Wilkes) and Quacking Together (with John Thirkell). Like his teammate, Arnold shares this exact calendar date with E- Humphreys' 1944 duck — Aylesford clearly has a habit of it. Monday 4th August, at home to Tom Osborn's XI: - John Ames, batting five, fell lbw to M- Harden for his 1st duck of the season and 13th career nought, holding steady at 7th of 706 all-time. Ames carries honours in Ducks in a Row (four consecutive), the Homebody Duck top 10, Only Two Quacks (with Alan Wilkes) and Quacking Together with both Roy Clarke and Stan Wratten — a thoroughly decorated member of the club. On this day in 1952, Gordon Fenner also departed for nought against Lord Cornwallis XI — six years apart, same sorry ritual. Week in summary: 3 ducks from 2 matches, the 1st XI shouldering the lot, two of them falling within minutes of one another at Aylesford to the same bowler. Triumph through adversity, twice over. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. C- Haylor — 3 inns, 2 ducks (66.67%) 2. J Lea — 4 inns, 2 ducks (50%) 3. Tony Snell — 4 inns, 2 ducks (50%) 4. Frank Brattle — 8 inns, 2 ducks (25%) 5. G Abel — 8 inns, 2 ducks (25%) 🏏 Next fixture looms, and with it another chance for the willing (and unwilling) to add to these tallies. See you at the crease — or, more likely, back in the pavilion inside three balls. 0️⃣🍩

Two fixtures graced the calendar this weekend, but only one needed the record book out: Linton's 1st XI capitulated against Tovil on the Saturday for FIVE ducks in a single innings, the kind of collective effort the exclusive zero club exists to celebrate. Fittingly, this very calendar date in 1940 also claimed a Linton batsman for nought — J Short, undone without score against Boughton Monchelsea, proving the 26th of July has form. 1st XI v Tovil William Blight departed at number three, bowled by Hitchin, for his 1st duck of the summer and 10th of a career that now sits 18th on the all-time roll of dubious distinction. Brian Relf followed moments later, also bowled by Hitchin, his 3rd career duck in just 12 innings. Relf remains a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his early days at the crease, and carries the rarer Quack-to-Quack distinction besides — a duck on debut, with the "farewell" half presumably still some way off. No danger of that today, at least. R. Bailey then took the ball and simply helped himself. G Abel edged behind for his 2nd duck of the season, his career tally now 2 from 7 innings — a startling 28.57% strike rate that leaves him 3rd on this season's leaderboard. Bob Arnold was caught off Bailey for his 23rd career duck, a genuinely fearsome tally ranking 3rd of all 706 names in the club's nought-book, and a proud holder of the "Ducks in a Row" honour for four on the spin. Last man Tony Snell was bowled by Bailey for his 2nd of the season, his 10th career duck overall. It puts him firmly in this season's Duck of the Year 1958 conversation, with the ignominious "Runaway Duck" — a whole season without troubling the scorers — still tantalisingly on the cards. Hitchin (2) and Bailey (3) shared the spoils of an afternoon Tovil will remember fondly and Linton would rather forget. 📋 Week in Summary 5 ducks, 2 matches, all five arriving in the same doomed innings. The other fixture passed off disappointingly fowl-free. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. J Lea — 2 ducks / 4 inns — 50.0% 1. Tony Snell — 2 ducks / 4 inns — 50.0% 3. G Abel — 2 ducks / 7 inns — 28.57% 4. Frank Brattle — 2 ducks / 8 inns — 25.0% 4. G Martin — 2 ducks / 8 inns — 25.0% Snell's brace hauls him level at the very summit of the table alongside J Lea. Can anyone catch them — or would the rest of the club rather not? The next fixture beckons, and with it the certainty of fresh names for the honours board. The Duck Club will, as ever, be watching. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Two Linton fixtures across the weekend, and the club's enduring gift for the naught stayed firmly switched on for one of them. Saturday's outing passed off disappointingly duck-free, but Sunday's visit from J G Larkings more than made up for it, with two names freshly inked into the ledger of dubious distinction. 🏏 1st XI v J G Larkings (Sunday 20th, home) First up was Tony Levick, trapped lbw by D. Goodliffe without troubling the scorers. His first duck of the summer, and his sixth for the club in 108 innings, which lodges him 34th of 706 in the all-time table — respectable company for a man who otherwise knows which end of the bat to hold. Splendidly, this very fixture falls on a haunted date: on this day in 1906, R W Mitchell (1903–1909) also strolled back for nought, against the Royal West Kent Regiment CC Officers XI, en route to 2 career ducks and 130th on the all-time list. Fifty-two years apart, same calendar square, same outcome. Not long after, Goodliffe struck again, bowling John Thirkell outright for his second duck of the week — and, with rather greater ceremony, his 39th career duck in 263 innings. That is enough to make John the club's outright record holder, sitting at #1 of 706 all-time, a throne he has occupied with some style having already been crowned Duck of the Year in 1952, 1954 and 1955. He also holds permanent residency in the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens, and carries Quacking Together honours alongside old teammates Bob Arnold and William Buck — a man who has mastered failure from every conceivable angle. Fittingly, he too shares this weekend's ghostly echo of R W Mitchell's 1906 duck, out on the same date 52 years prior. Two wickets, one bowler, no complaints from D. Goodliffe, who evidently fancied his afternoon's work against the Linton middle-to-lower order. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, both claimed by the same bowler in the same innings — a rare case of Larkings doing the club's collecting for it. Saturday's fixture, by contrast, saw every batsman get off the mark, to nobody's great excitement. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — Top 5 - J Lea — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50%) - Frank Brattle — 2 ducks from 7 innings (28.57%) - G Martin — 2 ducks from 8 innings (25%) - John --'s Taylor — 2 ducks from 9 innings (22.22%) - Robert Murray — 2 ducks from 13 innings (15.38%) J Lea leads on strike rate alone, though with the season still developing there's ample time for the chasing pack — and for Goodliffe's happy hunting ground at Larkings — to reshuffle the order. 🦆 More cricket to come, and with it more scope for glorious failure. See you at the crease — or, more likely, on the way back from it. 🍩

A rare and troubling weekend for the club's most dedicated observers: two full fixtures played, and not a single nought to show for it. The exclusive zero club convenes this week to an empty chamber. 🏏 The Lament Both sides took the field, both sides batted, and — almost unbelievably — every single one of them found a way to trouble the scorers. Whether this speaks to a sudden and alarming outbreak of competence, or merely a run of shocking luck, the committee declines to speculate. The art of not scoring is, after all, a skill honed over a lifetime, and it seems nobody fancied practising it this weekend. Let the record show: 12–13 July 1958, two matches, nil ducks. A blank page in the history books, and a source of quiet embarrassment to the regulars. We can only hope this is a temporary lapse in standards rather than the start of some worrying trend toward actually middling the ball. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard The chase for 1958 Duck of the Year presses on regardless, and it's a tight and honourable scrap at the top: - J Lea — 2 ducks from 3 innings (67%) — leads the field at a positively reckless clip - G Martin — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33%) - Frank Brattle — 2 ducks from 7 innings (29%) - John --'s Taylor — 2 ducks from 9 innings (22%) - Robert Murray — 2 ducks from 12 innings (17%) All five locked together on 2 apiece, separated only by how many innings it took them to get there — Lea setting the early pace, the others playing the longer, more patient game toward the same distinguished total. 📅 Looking Ahead A quiet week for the honours board, but never fear — this is a squad more than capable of putting things right. The next fixture awaits, the bowlers are surely sharpening something, and the Duck Club committee will be watching the scorebook with its usual mixture of hope and mischief. Until then — bats up, and good luck avoiding us. 🦆 0️⃣

A modest weekend for the collection, but the Duck Club never sleeps, and Sunday's trip against Hambros Bank quietly delivered a full house. 🏏 Saturday behaved itself entirely — all eleven names got off the mark, a rare and faintly suspicious outbreak of competence. Nothing for the ledger there. 🏏 Sunday — Hambros Bank at home, and the shortfall was made up in a single sitting. William Buck opened the account at three, held safely by Forbes off the bowling of Hare. His first duck of the new season and 11th of a fine career spanning 183 innings, keeping him a lofty 13th in the all-time table — respectable company for a paid-up member of the Quacking Together club alongside John Thirkell. On this very day in 1881, G Sedgwick was going through the same motions against 1st Innings Collier Street CC, on his way to three career ducks and 72nd on the all-time honours board. J- Carman came in at six and was cleanly bowled by Rankin — his first LPCC duck, taking him to 1 from just 2 senior innings and 239th of 705 on the all-time list. He's already inscribed among the presumptive Retirement Duck club for future reference, though nobody is writing his obituary just yet. Sedgwick, evidently having quite the afternoon back in 1881, was doing precisely the same thing on this same date. J Lea closed the innings at ten, trapped in front by Rankin — his second duck of the season, moving him to 3 career ducks from a mere 7 innings and 76th all-time. That second nought this week vaults him to the summit of the current Duck Hunting Season standings on a frankly alarming 66.67% strike rate. And yes — Sedgwick was there again too, on this same 6th of July in 1881, proving some traditions simply refuse to die. 📋 Week in summary: 3 ducks from 2 matches, all conjured from a single Sunday innings against Hambros Bank while Saturday's fixture escaped entirely unscathed. Rankin did for two of the three off his own bowling — a fine afternoon's work for the opposition, less so for LPCC's middle and lower order. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. J Lea — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) 2. G Martin — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40.0%) 3. Frank Brattle — 2 ducks in 7 innings (28.57%) 4. John --'s Taylor — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25.0%) 5. Robert Murray — 2 ducks in 12 innings (16.67%) J Lea sits proudly atop the pile for now — a position as precarious as it is prestigious. The next fixture waits for no one, and the exclusive zero club always has room for new members. 🍩0️⃣🦆

A quiet Saturday at Linton Park, if such a thing is ever truly to be trusted. The 28th passed without a single addition to the ledger — a Sabbath of restraint before Sunday put that right in fine style. 🏏 Sunday 29th June — 1st XI v A.Trembeths The visiting bowler A- Trembeth clearly fancied his chances at Linton Park, and took to peppering the middle order with quite ruthless efficiency. Two wickets, two noughts, one bowler having himself rather a morning. G Martin, in at five, departed bowled by Trembeth for his 2nd duck of the season and, tidily enough, his 2nd career duck too — both notched this very campaign, from just 5 innings. A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having ducked on his very first knock for the club, G Martin now takes up residence at 106th of 705 in the all-time roll of dishonour. And by pleasing coincidence, on this very day in 1907 the great Ernest Cruttenden (1881–1963, 10 career ducks, Duck of the Year 1895) also strolled back for nought against Town Malling CC — company worth keeping, if not batting alongside. Two names down the order at seven, Robert Murray fell to the very same delivery-shaped fate — bowled by Trembeth, his 2nd duck of the season and 2nd of a young career from 11 innings, lodging him at 132nd of 705. Trembeth may fairly claim a brace for the price of one over. Robert too shares his moment in history with Ernest Cruttenden, who on this same 29th June back in 1907 was similarly undone against Town Malling — 51 years apart, identically dismissed by the calendar if not the bowler. 📋 Week in Summary Two ducks from two matches, both delivered by the same bowler in the same innings — Trembeth doing the club's own work for it. The 28th, by contrast, was a rare and total washout for the Duck Club, proof that even the keenest hunting season has its fallow days. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Frank Brattle — 2 ducks, 5 innings, 40.0% - G Martin — 2 ducks, 5 innings, 40.0% - John --'s Taylor — 2 ducks, 7 innings, 28.57% - Robert Murray — 2 ducks, 11 innings, 18.18% - C- Haylor — 1 duck, 2 innings, 50.0% A tight top five, and plenty of that art-of-not-scoring still to be perfected before season's end. Next fixture awaits — the exclusive zero club never closes its books for long. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A quiet week for the LPCC scorers, but not for the Duck Club — one nought recorded, and it's a good one. 1st XI v Aylesford Paper Mills CC In at number 9, Tony Snell departed c J Upton b R Baker — a smart take that opens the account for both club and player this season. It's Tony's first duck of 1958 and his ninth for the club overall, hauling him up to 19th on the all-time roll of 705 — proof that consistency of a very particular kind gets you noticed eventually. Tony now sits level on exactly nine career ducks with B Westover, who played for Linton between 1940 and 1945 and reached the same unwanted total in just 28 innings to Tony's 39 — Westover the sprinter, Snell the marathon man, same finish line. His honours board makes for suitably grim reading: already the proud holder of Ducks in a Row (four consecutive, a genuine feat of sustained failure), and with 1958 on the calendar, this season is shaping up to be his for the taking in two rather less desirable categories — Duck of the Year and the ominous Runaway Duck, awarded for a whole campaign without troubling the scorer. Early days yet, but the portents are not good for Tony's batting average. Week in summary One match, one duck, one man carrying the entire club's dubious honour single-handed. Efficient, if nothing else — no need to share the glory when you can hoard it all yourself. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Frank Brattle — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40%) 2. John --'s Taylor — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.57%) 3. J Lea — 1 duck / 1 innings (100%) 4. C- Haylor — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) 5. Robert Wood — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) Frank Brattle sits pretty at the top for now, but with a game like this one can turn on a single careless waft outside off. The exclusive zero club never sleeps — next fixture will surely add to the tally. Get out there, and may the odds be dreadfully in your favour. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Two fixtures on the fixture card this weekend, and only one of them fancied feeding the exclusive zero club. Headcorn CC away proved the happy hunting ground, claiming two scalps to a single bowler in the same innings — a fine afternoon's work for L- Murrell, rather less fine for the men at the other end. 🏏 Saturday 14 June — 1st XI at Headcorn CC First to fall was John --'s Taylor, bowled by L- Murrell at number five. This is his second duck of the summer and his 15th in a Linton career now standing at 139 innings — a tally that plants him a lofty 4th of 705 in the club's entire scoreless history, a position few will ever trouble. On this very day back in 1882, C Gibbs was busy doing much the same thing against 1st Innings Boxley CC during his own brief 1881–1882 spell in the whites — proof, if any were needed, that the art of not scoring transcends the century. Murrell wasn't finished. Down at number eight, debutant Robert Wood became his second victim of the day, departing without troubling the scorers on his very first outing for the club. A baptism of fire if ever there was one, and it earns him immediate, permanent enrolment onto the Debutante Duck board — a place of dubious distinction reserved for those whose Linton career begins precisely as it means to go on. Curiously, Robert shares his moment in history with the very same C Gibbs, who was also dismissed for nought on 14 June 1882 against Boxley CC — separated by 76 years, united by the identical fate. The weekend's second fixture, mercifully for whoever was in it, returned home without adding to the tally. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, one bowler doing the damage twice over. A tidy, efficient weekend's poaching by Headcorn, and a reminder that when the zeros come, they rarely come alone. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Frank Brattle — 2 ducks from 5 innings (40%) 2. John --'s Taylor — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33.33%) 3. J Lea — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 4. Robert Wood — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 5. C- Haylor — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) Frank Brattle clings to top spot, but with Taylor breathing down his neck and two brand new members already boasting a flawless 100% strike rate, the summer of 1958 is shaping up nicely. Get down to the next fixture and see who joins the club — the zeros are always waiting. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Two fixtures out on the paddock this weekend, and for once the exclusive zero club had absolutely nothing to show for its trouble. Not a single batsman offered up the willow in vain — no golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs of any description. Every single Linton Park bat that walked out this weekend found a way to trouble the scorers. Frankly it's a bit much. The Duck Club exists to celebrate the noble art of not scoring, and this weekend the membership let the side down by scoring. We shall overlook it, this once, and trust normal service resumes shortly. 0️⃣ Ducks evaded capture entirely. The hunting party returns empty-handed. 🏏 Duck Hunting Season 1958 — Leaderboard 🥇 Frank Brattle — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50%) 🥈 J Lea — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) — perfect record, admittedly a small sample 🥉 C- Haylor — 1 duck in 2 innings (50%) 4. G Abel — 1 duck in 3 innings (33.33%) 4. G Martin — 1 duck in 3 innings (33.33%) Frank Brattle sits proudly atop the standings on a wonderfully consistent 50% strike rate for failure, with J Lea nipping at his heels on a flawless — if brief — 100%. Plenty of season left for the also-rans to make their move. 📅 Fear not, members. The ducks are only ever one dropped catch or one rash swipe away, and Linton Park's bowlers will doubtless be back on the prowl next weekend. Bring your bats, bring your nerves, and may the nought be with someone. 🦆

Two fixtures this weekend, and the exclusive zero club welcomed four new entries — all courtesy of the 1st XI, who cornered the market in the art of not scoring. 🏏 Saturday 31 May — Old Williamsonians CC Frank Brattle departed for nought at first wicket down, bowled by J- Symes. It's his second duck of the summer and seventh of an increasingly distinguished career from 39 innings, lifting him to 27th of 704 in the all-time standings — level on seven with A Startup, who reached the same tally in a mere 11 innings between 1868 and 1882 and walked off with three Duck of the Year titles plus a rare place among the Ducks in a Row. Frank's father Percy isn't far behind on 4 career ducks of his own, so evidently it runs in the family. 0️⃣ Sunday 1 June — Folkestone CC A thoroughly fowl afternoon for Linton's top, middle and tail alike. Opener Maurice Fenner fell early, caught Tony Miles bowled Jim Gordon, opening both his season and career account together — duck number one from 55 innings. A neat footnote: on this very day back in 1903, Rev W A Carr also trudged back for nought, against 1st Innings Maidstone CC. Maurice keeps it in the family besides, with brothers Gordon (14 career ducks) and Joe (5) already well-established names on the honours board. Robert Murray followed at seven, bowled by the same Jim Gordon, for his maiden duck in just 8 innings — an efficient start to his account. Rev Carr, evidently a creature of habit, matches him stride for stride on that same 1903 date. At number ten, J Lea completed the rout, bowled Derek Waddup, his second career duck from only 5 innings — a duck rate the accountants would raise an eyebrow at. Rev Carr tips his hat once more from 1903. Week in summary: four ducks across two matches, with the Folkestone innings alone contributing three — a rare show of failure at the top, middle and tail in one sitting. No pairs, no king pairs and no family affairs this week, just honest individual application to the cause. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Frank Brattle — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50% - J Lea — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - C- Haylor — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - G Abel — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% - G Martin — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% The next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, further additions to the honours board. The Duck Club watches, waits, and quacks on. 🦆

A quiet weekend on the poultry front, ladies and gentlemen. Two fixtures took to the field this weekend and, remarkably, not a single soul troubled the Duck Club's admissions desk. Eleven pairs of pads went out, eleven pairs of pads came back having scored something, however modest. The zero club's doors stayed firmly shut. Whether this represents a sudden outbreak of competence, or simply the ducks migrating elsewhere for the weekend, the correspondent cannot say. Either way, 0️⃣ ducks recorded across 2 matches is itself a result of a sort — the art of not scoring took the weekend off, and frankly it's a bit unsettling. We don't like it when the numbers go quiet. It never lasts. Rest assured the Club's scouts remain vigilant, and normal service — nervous starts, early nicks, the odd golden duck — will surely resume before long. Ducks, like the club committee, cannot be kept waiting forever. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard Early season, and it's a five-way scrap at the summit — the current pace-setters all sitting on a single duck apiece, but earning their place through sheer strike rate: - C- Haylor — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) - Frank Brattle — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) - G Martin — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) - G Abel — 1 duck / 3 innings (33%) - John --'s Taylor — 1 duck / 3 innings (33%) A leaderboard built on small samples and big percentages — the sort of form that never survives a full season, but makes for excellent early drama. Haylor, Brattle and Martin will want to be careful not to get too comfortable up there; a fifty next weekend and they tumble straight back into the pack. 🏏 Onward to the next fixtures, where surely someone, somewhere, will do the honourable thing and get out for nought. The Club awaits with quiet optimism. See you all out there — and good luck avoiding the quack.

Two fixtures, one Gore Court, one Mote A, and the 1st XI supplied every single duck between them. A tidy weekend's work for the club statistician, and a rather less tidy one for four gentlemen with the bat. 🏏 Saturday — 1st XI at Gore Court CC G Abel came in at five and departed almost as briskly, bowled by Alec E Allsworth for his first duck of the season. It's also his first career quack, arriving in just his second innings for the club — he joins the exclusive zero club at 201st of 704 in the all-time table, a starting position most members spend years working towards. On this day back in 1953, Stan Wratten was doing much the same trick against Mote A — proof the calendar has long memories, even if the scorebook doesn't. Then came G Martin at eight, trapped lbw by the same tireless Allsworth. A true baptism of fire: this is Martin's very first senior innings for Linton Park, and he has gone and made it a duck on debut — instant, and entirely involuntary, membership of the Debutante Duck board. Welcome to the club, such as it is. Fittingly, he shares his on-this-day parallel with clubmate Abel: Stan Wratten's 1953 effort against Mote A. 🌱 Sunday — 1st XI at Mote A Openers are meant to set the tone, and Stan Wratten set it early, caught Burren off Coomber without troubling the scorers. This is merely his first duck of 1958, but his twelfth for the club across a hefty 149 innings — an 8% strike rate that still leaves him a lofty 10th of 704 all time, and a paid-up member of the "Quacking Together" board alongside John Ames. On this day in 1957, William Blight was performing an identical vanishing act, against Gore Court CC of all sides. Down at ten, C- Haylor followed him back, caught Parton off Kitchin. His tenth career duck from a mere 25 innings — a striking 40% conversion rate that puts him 13th of 704 all time, and a long-standing member of the Retirement Duck board from a past farewell, though nobody is suggesting he's off anywhere just yet. Like Wratten, his on-this-day echo is William Blight's 1957 Gore Court special. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks from two matches, all courtesy of the 1st XI, and Alec E Allsworth personally responsible for half of them. A weekend that opened the Debutante Duck ledger for a new member and reminded two seasoned campaigners why the honours boards exist in the first place. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - G Martin — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - C- Haylor — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) - Frank Brattle — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) - G Abel — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) - John --'s Taylor — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) Early doors yet in the 1958 hunt, and plenty of room on that leaderboard for fresh blood. Next fixture, next collapse — the ducks await. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three matches, four ducks, and one utterly ruinous run for the 1st XI this week. The zero club welcomes no new faces this time round — just old hands padding out already gaudy totals. 🍩 Saturday 10 May — home to Bearsted CC Opener John Thirkell fell caught and bowled by Peter Longley, a tidy way to go if you're going to go. It's season duck number 1, but career duck number 38 — which plants him firmly at the summit of the all-time table, rank 1 of 701. The undisputed King of the Zero Club, boasting three Duck of the Year titles (1952, 1954 and 1955), top-10 finishes in both the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck charts, and a standing "Quacking Together" partnership on the honours board with Bob Arnold. Fittingly, on this very day in 1952, that same Bob Arnold made a duck against these very opponents — some things never change at Bearsted Green. Monday 12 May — away to West Farleigh CC Two down in the same innings. Ray Howard was caught L-Skillington, bowled J-Clark, for his 5th career duck from 40 innings — on this exact day back in 1906, D H Luck was doing precisely the same thing against Town Malling CC, proof the art of not scoring has never gone out of fashion. Moments later John --'s Taylor was lbw to J-Hickford, his 1st of the season and 14th of an illustrious career spanning 135 innings — good enough for 6th on the all-time list. D H Luck gets a second mention today, having also ducked on this exact date in 1906. Thursday 15 May — home to Mote A Cliff Anscombe, bowled by S-Capon, chalked up his 5th career duck from just 7 innings — a fearsome strike rate for a man already a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club and 1957's reigning Duck of the Year. On this day in 1955, William Blight also fell to nought against these same Mote A opponents. Week in Summary Four ducks from three matches, all courtesy of the 1st XI — the 2nds, 3rds and Sunday sides escaped entirely unscathed this week. Bearsted Green and its environs continue to prove fertile hunting ground. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Cliff Anscombe — 1 duck / 2 inns (50%) 2. Frank Brattle — 1 duck / 2 inns (50%) 3. John --'s Taylor — 1 duck / 2 inns (50%) 4. John Thirkell — 1 duck / 3 inns (33.33%) 5. Ray Howard — 1 duck / 3 inns (33.33%) Early days yet in the 1958 hunt — plenty of time for someone to make a real move for the top. Next match, more ducks no doubt. See you at the crease. 🦆

A quiet one for the executioner's blade this time, but the Duck Club never truly sleeps, and Linton's away trip to Harrietsham CC duly yielded one name for the ledger. 🏏 1st XI — Harrietsham CC (away) Frank Brattle, in at four, was undone lbw to D Davis — a tidy piece of bowling for Davis, and a rather less tidy one for Frank's season column. It's his 1st duck of the 1958 campaign and the 6th of a career now standing at 36 innings, good enough for 31st on the all-time list of 700 — respectable, if unglamorous, company in the exclusive zero club. Neatly enough, on this very day back in 1957, Bob Arnold also strolled back for nought, against Hunton Wanderers CC. Arnold's own record makes sobering reading for anyone hoping to catch him — 22 career ducks and 3rd of all time, his name etched onto Ducks in a Row (4 consecutive), Only Two Quacks (with Alan Wilkes) and Quacking Together (with John Thirkell). Frank has some distance to travel before troubling that sort of company, but the 4th of May has evidently marked itself out as an auspicious date for failure. Frank isn't even the first Brattle to know the feeling — kin Percy Brattle carries 4 career ducks of his own, so the surname clearly has previous. 📊 Week in Summary One match, one duck — a modest haul, but the Club has never demanded volume, only devotion. Harrietsham CC can chalk up their scalp. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Frank Brattle — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) Early days yet in the 1958 hunting season, and Frank leads purely because he's the only one who's bothered to turn up and be counted. Plenty of time for the chasing pack to make their entrance — see you at the next fixture, when the exclusive zero club will doubtless be recruiting again. 🦆🍩

A Lament from the Duck Club Well, this is awkward. One match played across the club on the 28th, and not a single quack to report. Eleven-plus batsmen went to the crease and every last one of them found a way to trouble the scorers. The exclusive zero club held its AGM this week and nobody turned up. Somewhere out there a golden duck went unbagged, a king pair sat unclaimed, and the honours boards gather dust for another week. Even the umpires looked faintly disappointed. Early season, of course — 1958 is barely out of its shell, and the Duck Hunting calendar has a long summer ahead of it. History tells us the ducks are never far away; they're simply biding their time, waiting for someone to leave a gate open or a length ball to nibble at outside off. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1958 The board is, remarkably, entirely bare. No runs, no ducks, no drama — a genuine blank slate. Whoever notches the first nought of the season claims early bragging rights and a permanent line in this year's record book. Get in quick, gentlemen, immortality of the most dubious kind awaits. 🍩 Zero ducks. Zero glory. Zero shame to go round. Fear not, members — Linton Park has never gone a whole season without offering up a fresh clutch of noughts, and there's cricket enough left in 1958 to be confident the drought won't last. Next match, someone somewhere will nick one behind first ball, and this correspondent will be first in the queue to celebrate their misfortune in suitably ceremonial style. Until then — pads on, guard taken, and may the odds be ever in your favour. 🦆🏏0️⃣