🦆 The Duck Pond

As the 1981 season draws toward its close, Linton's 2nds popped out to face Linton Park CC and, as ever, the zero club was ready to welcome new business. Just the one match on the books this week — but it produced two fresh entries for the ledger. 🏏 2nd XI v Linton Park CC Opener Andy Thresher set the tone early, bowled by Scott Smith without troubling the scorers — his 2nd duck of the campaign and 2nd of an already eventful career, arriving in just his 3rd innings for the club (171st of 1011 all-time). Andy's very first knock for Linton was itself a duck, so he remains a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, this latest effort simply adding to the file. On this very calendar day back in 1964, Robert Murray (1958–1965, 17 ducks, 35th all-time) was also dismissed for nought against Linton Park CC — the fixture clearly has previous. Lower down, Fred Cheesman fell at number 5, caught Andy Woollett off the same relentless Scott Smith, for his 3rd duck of the season and 3rd of his career from 13 innings (139th all-time). Fred already holds the rare Full House honour — a duck recorded at every position from 1 to 11 — and carries an Only Two Quacks pairing with Adam Pooley, so this nought slots neatly into an already distinguished cabinet, one befitting a top-10 Tourist Duck man besides. Fittingly, Fred too was dismissed on the very day in 1964 that claimed Robert Murray — quacking through history together, seventeen years apart. 🎯 Unofficial bowler of the week: Scott Smith, who did for both of them. Two ducks, one bowler, one afternoon — Linton's top order simply couldn't get him away. 📊 Week in Summary A single fixture, but a perfect two-for-two strike rate for the Duck Club. Fred Cheesman's effort also earns him a spot in the current season's top five — proof that even a solid top-order man isn't safe from the zero. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Jon Harris — 5 ducks, 27 inn (18.52%) 🥈 Paul Bowles — 5 ducks, 48 inn (10.42%) 🥉 Andy Woollett — 4 ducks, 22 inn (18.18%) 4. Fred Cheesman — 3 ducks, 9 inn (33.33%) 5. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks, 16 inn (18.75%) With the season winding down, Jon Harris and Paul Bowles remain locked together on 5 apiece — plenty still to play for before the final ball of 1981. See you at the next fixture, where the ducks are, as always, entirely optional but never in short supply. 🦆🍩

Just the one fixture to report from this midweek round, but where there's a Hawkenbury there's a way — the exclusive zero club took delivery of two fresh members before the tea urn had even cooled. Midweek XI v Hawkenbury CC (home) First to the crease and first to the departure lounge was C- Wilkins, coming in at three and holing out c & b S Gower without so much as troubling the scoreboard operator. This was Wilkins' maiden senior innings, so by the club's own solemn tradition it counts as a full and proper induction — straight onto the Debutante Duck board on debut itself, a rare honour reserved for those who arrive and depart in the same breath. The career record currently reads a tidy 1 duck from 1 innings, good enough for 289th of 1008 in the all-time list, and it's an early entry too on the season's One and Done reckoning — we live in hope he adds a second innings to go with the second duck before anyone gets carried away. Down at number 8, Steve Petty kept the theme going, caught B Grainger off the bowling of R Kemp for his 2nd duck of the season and 2nd of his career from 5 innings — sitting 233rd of 1008 all-time. With 1981 so far a stubbornly run-free campaign for Steve, he's quietly qualifying for the season's Runaway Duck honour, the special commendation for going an entire year without once bothering the scorebook. Curiously, both dismissals share the very same footnote in the record books: on this day in 1972, LPCC great Tim Thirkell — he of 49 career ducks, 4th of all time, and a name that adorns half the honours boards in the pavilion — also strolled back for nought, against West Farleigh CC. Two Linton batsmen, nine years apart, both finding history repeating itself on the calendar if not on the scoreboard. Week in Summary One match, two ducks, and a spooky shared anniversary — the kind of coincidence the Duck Club exists to notice and everyone else politely ignores. Consistency of a very particular kind, on display twice in the same innings. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jon Harris — 5 ducks in 26 innings (19.23%) - Paul Bowles — 5 ducks in 47 innings (10.64%) - Andy Woollett — 4 ducks in 21 innings (19.05%) - Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks in 15 innings (20.0%) - Martin Thompson — 3 ducks in 20 innings (15.0%) Jon Harris keeps his nose in front, but with Paul Bowles matching him duck for duck and Andy Woollett breathing down both their necks on percentage, this season's crown is very much up for grabs. Next fixture awaits, and with it the inevitable next round of nominations for the art of not scoring. See you at the crease — or, more likely, on the way back from it. 🍩🏏

Three fixtures across the closing weeks of the season, and the ducks mostly stayed in hiding — but one significant visitor turned up to remind everyone why September belongs to the connoisseurs of nought. 🏏 1st XI v Southborough CC (home) Jon Harris strode out at number 2 and departed for a duck, bowled by Brian Farrier after seeing off seven balls — no golden duck here, just old-fashioned, unhurried failure. This is Jon's 5th duck of the 1981 season and his 53rd for the club overall, a tally that plants him at a barely believable 2nd of 1004 in the all-time standings. Only one man in Linton Park's long history has made a more determined habit of it. The honours boards read like a testimonial dinner menu — a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club since his very first innings, a three-time Duck of the Year (1976, 1980 and, on today's evidence, very much still in the 1981 hunt), and the proud holder of a Full House, a duck banked in every position from 1 to 11 over the years. Throw in top-ten billing on both the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck rolls, plus frequent-flyer status on the Ducks on the Road and Tourist Duck lists, and you have a man who long ago made nought a second career. His son Richard is no slouch either, quietly building his own tally of 36 — clearly a family gift for the art of not scoring. A neat historical footnote: on this very day back in 1959, S Lusher also trudged back for a duck, against Bowaters CC. Twelve September has form. 📋 Elsewhere The other two fixtures this weekend were disappointingly duck-free — a rare weekend where the bowlers had to earn their wickets the hard way. 📊 Week in Summary One duck from three matches is a quiet return by Linton Park standards, but it was a heavyweight one. Jon Harris's fifth of the season keeps him locked at the top of the Duck of the Year table, level on numbers with Paul Bowles but well clear on strike rate. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 25 innings, 5 ducks (20.0%) 2. Paul Bowles — 46 innings, 5 ducks (10.87%) 3. Andy Woollett — 21 innings, 4 ducks (19.05%) 4. Tim Thirkell — 15 innings, 3 ducks (20.0%) 5. Trevor Back — 19 innings, 3 ducks (15.79%) 🍩 As the season winds towards its close, the race for Duck of the Year is still very much alive. Get yourselves to the middle next weekend, gentlemen — there are noughts still to be had.

Six fixtures, two fronts — Kennington hosted the 1st XI while the Tour XI toured Cornwall. Fourteen ducks fell. Saturday 5th — Kennington CC, Kent (1st XI) Roger Craske (b Driscoll): 2nd of the season, 2nd career (#229 all-time) — a Retirement Duck veteran of old. Simon Thirkell (lbw Driscoll): 2nd/3rd (#163), keeping it in the family with father John (90) and brothers Tim (49) and Nigel (29). Andy Woollett (c Britton b Austen): 4th/5th (#95). All three, plus Fred Cheesman at Troon (b Merrifield, 2nd/2nd, #193, a Full House man), join David T Lowen's duck from this date in 1970. Sunday 6th — Beacon CC, Cornwall (Tour XI) John Hansford (b Hamblin): 1st/1st (#371). Debutant Andy Thresher (b Williams): a genuine first-baller, #264 and straight into Debutante Duck. Michael Chambers (c Hocking b Hamblin): 1st/10th (#50) — opening a pair completed the very next day. All three echo Roger Craddock's 1967 duck on this date. Monday 7th — Grampound Road CC (Tour XI) The big one. Trevor Back (c Behennah b Martin): 3rd/17th (#36), a Lone Duck regular. Richard Ashby (b Maddern): 1st/25th (#21), opening his own pair, a Ducks in a Row (5 straight) man. Michael Chambers (c Sanders b Maddern): 2nd/11th (#50), closing his pair. Jon Harris (c Warne b Maddern): 4th/52nd (#2 all-time) — reigning Duck of the Year 1981, Full House holder, dad Richard on 36 of his own. Andy Theobald (b Maddern): debuted and ducked together, #263, straight into One and Done for 1981. Ian Brattle (b Hurley): 1st/11th (#49) — brother Paul already on 25. All six join Tim Thirkell's 1977 duck on this date. Tuesday 8th — Paul CC (Tour XI) Richard Ashby (c ? b Oats): pair completed, 2nd of the tour, 26th career (#21) — joining Stan Wratten's 1945 duck on this date. A proper poultry week: 14 ducks, 6 matches, two pairs (Chambers and Ashby, both twice in 48 hours), Grampound Road good for six alone. The art of not scoring, alive and well on tour. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Paul Bowles — 5/43 (11.6%) 2. Andy Woollett — 4/18 (22.2%) 3. Jon Harris — 4/23 (17.4%) 4. Tim Thirkell — 3/15 (20.0%) 5. Martin Thompson — 3/18 (16.7%) Bearsted next — the zero club always has room for one more. 🦆🍩

Four fixtures, five noughts, and one properly historic sibling ceremony down in Cornwall. The exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees. Saturday 29th August — 1st XI away at British Rail Ashford Andy Woollett got the week's collapse under way at the top of the order, bowled N Gurr without scoring. His 2nd duck of the season, 3rd of a career now ticking along nicely at 42 innings. On this very date back in 1954, Stan Wratten (1943–1980, 35 career ducks, rank 12 of 1000) was doing exactly the same thing — proof the calendar has form. Saturday 31st August — 1st XI away at Bearsted CC A day for Andrew Horne to feast on Linton openers. Brian Piper fell first, caught B Lewis bowled Horne for nought — his 2nd of the season and 10th of a 177-innings career, rank 54 of 1000. He's not even top duck in his own house: brother David Piper carries 6 of his own. Brian's fall matches Allan Cooper, who made his own duck on this exact date in 1980 (25 career, rank 21). Moments later Andy Woollett was back out, caught Anthony Hunt bowled Horne — a second failure inside three days. That completes a grim little pair for the week: season tally 2 then 3, career 3 then 4. Andy joins Allan Cooper on the on-this-day roll too, keeping poor company twice over. Sunday 4th September — Tour XI at Cornwall Police CC The touring party delivered the week's genuine rarity: a Two of a Quack, brothers Nigel Thirkell and Tim Thirkell both bowled by D Jenkin in the same innings. A shared-bloodline duck is the rarest ceremony this club offers, and the Thirkells delivered it in style. Nigel's is his 1st of the season but 29th of a serious career — 390 innings, rank 19 of 1000, a fixture of both the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, plus Only Two Quacks honours alongside Jim Hall. Tim goes one further: season duck number 3, and a mighty 49th career duck from 393 innings, rank 4 of 1000. Tim's honours board reads like a testimonial — Duck of the Year 1972, Ducks on the Road top 10, Homebody Duck top 10, Lone Duck top 10, and the rare Full House, a duck at every position 1 to 11. Both brothers, fittingly, echo P- Martin, who ducked for the club on this same calendar day in 1949 against East Peckham & Nettlestead. Worth noting the family isn't finished there — father John Thirkell sits on a barely believable 90 career ducks, the club's all-time number one, with siblings Simon (2) and Stuart (1) also paid-up members. A dynasty built entirely on the art of not scoring. Week in summary Five ducks from four matches. Bearsted's attack claimed a Piper and a Woollett inside the same innings, while Cornwall hosted the season's first sibling double. Consistency of a very particular kind, all round. 🏏 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Paul Bowles — 5 ducks, 39 innings (12.82%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks, 12 innings (25.00%) 3. Andy Woollett — 3 ducks, 17 innings (17.65%) 4. Martin Thompson — 3 ducks, 17 innings (17.65%) 5. Jon Harris — 3 ducks, 21 innings (14.29%) Tim Thirkell's 25% strike rate has him breathing down Paul Bowles's neck at the top — one more nought and the crown could change hands. Next fixture, same purpose: bat first, worry later. See you all out there 🦆🍩

Three matches, three ducks — a quiet week by Linton standards, but each one earns its place in the ledger. 🏏 Saturday 23rd — 1st XI v Old Anchorians CC (h) Brian Piper opened the week's account, caught R Neale bowled B Heather at number five. His 1st duck of the season and 9th of a steadily building career, good for 59th on the all-time list from 175 innings. On this very day back in 1952, D Simmons was doing much the same against Charles Arkcoll — four ducks across a 1949–64 career — and Brian continues to close the gap from the modern end. Further down the order, Jon Harris departed for nought at number eight, caught R Bushell bowled J Lycett — his 3rd of the season and a weighty 51st of his career, trailing only one player in the entire 999-strong all-time list. Jon is a three-time Duck of the Year — 1976, 1980, and this very 1981 season — and a fully paid-up member of Full House (a duck at every position, 1 through 11), sitting proudly in the Lone Duck, Homebody and Tourist Duck top tens, with shared quacks logged over the years alongside Allan Cooper, Jim Hall and Trevor Back. A CV of failure that most of the club can only aspire to. Fittingly, he shares his day in history with the same D Simmons of 1952. 🌱 Wednesday 26th — Midweek XI v Gravesend CC (a) Opening the batting, David Piper was bowled by Kevin Masters without scoring — his 1st duck of the season and 6th of his career, 85th on the all-time list from a still-fresh 18 innings. A tricky few days for the Piper household, with brother Brian falling three days earlier in an entirely separate fixture — not quite the stuff of a formal joint honour, but noted with interest nonetheless. David's day also carries history: on this date in 1979, Tim Thirkell — 48 career ducks, 4th all-time — made a duck of his own, and remains this season's in-form quacker below. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks from three matches — restrained, almost polite, by Duck Club standards. No pairs, no king pairs, and no family affairs this week, just steady, honest contributions to the cause. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Paul Bowles — 5 ducks, 38 innings (13.16%) 2. Martin Thompson — 3 ducks, 16 innings (18.75%) 3. Jon Harris — 3 ducks, 19 innings (15.79%) 4. David Carden — 2 ducks, 6 innings (33.33%) 5. Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks, 9 innings (22.22%) Bowles leads for now, but Harris is never far behind and the season isn't done yet. Same time next fixture — the ducks never sleep. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Three fixtures on the go this week, but Whitstable CC did all the damage — the 1st XI's trip at home to the Kent coastal side produced the club's entire weekly haul, three noughts in a single innings, while the other two matches passed disappointingly duck-free. The art of not scoring, alive and well. 🏏 1st XI v Whitstable CC (home, 16 Aug) - David Iliffe (No.2) — c Andy Stroud b P Keen. His 2nd duck of the season and a tidy 12th for the career from 51 innings, installing him at 44th in the all-time ledger of ignominy. Webbed feet run in the family too — kinsman Mike Iliffe already carries 42 career ducks of his own. - Paul Bowles (No.6) — c Andy Stroud b George Moon. Season duck number 5 and career number 38 from 474 innings, 10th on the all-time roll. A double Duck of the Year honouree (1966 and 1968), a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top 10, and a paid-up member of Only Two Quacks (with Adam Pooley). Right now he's also this season's most prolific collector — see below. - Simon Thirkell (No.7) — b Sid Janes. His first duck of the campaign and only his 2nd in a five-innings career, ranking 228th overall — but the surname does plenty of talking. Son of club legend John Thirkell, the all-time No.1 with a staggering 90 career ducks, and brother to Tim (48) and Nigel (28), with kinsman Stuart on 1. A dynasty of dubious distinction if ever there was one, and Simon already sits on both the Ducks on the Road and Tourist Duck top tens. Spookily, all three fell on the very same calendar date — 16 August — that club great John Ames also made a duck, against Mote A, back in 1953. Some anniversaries you'd rather not share. 📊 Week in Summary 3 matches, 3 ducks, all crammed into one unlucky Whitstable innings — Andy Stroud alone had a hand in two of the three catches, quietly building a reputation as the Duck Club's most reliable accomplice. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Paul Bowles — 5 ducks / 38 innings (13.16%) 2. Martin Thompson — 3 ducks / 16 innings (18.75%) 3. David Carden — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) 4. Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks / 9 innings (22.22%) 5. Trevor Back — 2 ducks / 12 innings (16.67%) Bowles leads the chase but Carden's 33% strike rate is the one to watch — efficiency of a very particular kind. 🍩 Next fixtures await, and the exclusive zero club never stays quiet for long. See you at the crease — or, more likely, back in the pavilion. 🦆0️⃣

Slim pickings this week, but the exclusive zero club never turns away a single new arrival, so let's give it the ceremony it deserves. Midweek XI — home to West Moors, Tuesday 11th Trevor Hales departed for nought at number 7, run out — the one dismissal in cricket where the batsman can protest his innocence with a straight face. It's his 1st duck of the season and his 1st career duck too, arriving in only his 3rd innings for the club, which places him a tidy 444th of 998 in the all-time reckoning. Trevor already holds a place on the Retirement Duck honours board from a past farewell innings, so the club has long known how his story ends — just not, evidently, when. He's also in good company off the field: kin Dave Hales and Andrew Hales are both quietly stacking up 2 career ducks apiece, so the Hales name is well represented in the ledger. Fittingly, on this very day in 1973, Nigel Thirkell also strolled back for a duck, against Headcorn CC. Nigel — who turned out for Linton between 1969 and 1981 — finished his career on 28 ducks, good for 19th of 998 all-time, with seats on both the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, plus an "Only Two Quacks" pairing with Jim Hall. Trevor keeps history ticking along nicely. Week in summary Three matches, one duck — the other two fixtures passed off entirely fowl-free, which either speaks well of the batting or poorly of the bowling, we shan't speculate. A quiet week by Duck Club standards, but the season race certainly isn't slowing down. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏆 - 🥇 Paul Bowles — 4 ducks in 37 innings (10.81%) - 🥈 Martin Thompson — 3 ducks in 15 innings (20.0%) - 🥉 David Carden — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.33%) - Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25.0%) - Trevor Back — 2 ducks in 10 innings (20.0%) Paul Bowles holds a slender lead but with plenty of cricket still to come, this race for Duck of the Year 1981 is far from settled. Roll on the next fixture — the ducks are surely just gathering their strength. 🏏0️⃣🦆

A quiet week by Linton standards, but quality over quantity: three matches, three ducks, and one thumping entry into the record books that'll be the talk of the bar for weeks. 🏏 Saturday 1st August — 1st XI vs Old Anchorians CC (h) The top order took a hammering. In at three, Jim Hall was run out for nought — the fielder responsible lost to history, recorded only as "Unsure" — his second duck of the season and 47th of an extraordinary career, good enough for 6th on the all-time list of 997. A paid-up Debutante Duck, two-time Duck of the Year (1970 and 1977), and a fixture of the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, Jim remains one of the club's most decorated non-scorers, and still chipping away at his Full House. On this very day in 1964, Basil Sears (1947–1975, 33 career ducks) was adding to the archives against Headcorn CC — some things never change. Moments later, Gareth Thomas holed out caught and bowled by J. Lycett without scoring — his first duck of the season and second of a young career, from just 8 innings, sliding him to 193rd all time. He shares the same on-this-day billing as Jim: Basil Sears, 1964. A member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell, Gareth has a long way to go before that honour is relevant again. 🔥 Wednesday 5th August — Midweek XI vs Maidstone Police (h) Now, the headline. Opening the batting, Jon Harris was caught by Harry Dunk off Evans without scoring — a routine line in the scorebook, but a landmark one in the ledger. It's his 50th career duck, moving him to 2nd on the all-time chart of 997, second only to the legendary John Thirkell (1943–1977, 90 ducks) and clear of everyone else to have pulled on a Linton shirt. It's also his second duck of the season, and with Duck of the Year 1981 already on his honours board he's handsomely placed to defend the crown. A Full House campaigner and Homebody and Lone Duck top-ten regular, Jon now stands one nought closer to cricketing immortality — or at least a testimonial cake. On this day in 1895, Ernest Cruttenden (1881–1912) made his own duck against Rochester CC — 86 years on, the club is still finding new ways to fail with style. 📊 Week in Summary Three matches, three ducks, no pairs and no family affairs to report — a restrained week that let one man's milestone take centre stage. The 1st XI's top order fancied an early bath, while the Midweek XI's contribution came dressed as history. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season 1981 leaderboard - Paul Bowles — 4 ducks in 36 innings (11.1%) - Martin Thompson — 3 in 15 (20.0%) - David Carden — 2 in 6 (33.3%) - Tim Thirkell — 2 in 8 (25.0%) - Trevor Back — 2 in 10 (20.0%) 🍩 Next up The season presses on and the ducks show no sign of retiring, even if some of the club's finest occasionally do. Get down to the ground, watch the runs — or better still, watch for the nought. 🦆

Four fixtures took the field this week, but the Duck Club's harvest was a concentrated affair — all three additions arriving in the very same match, away at Margate CC on the 28th. Quality over quantity, evidently. 🏏 Midweek XI at Margate Opening the batting and opening the day's account, Paul Bowles was held at slip by Graham Venn off the bowling of a- Carter — no golden duck here, at least he made the bowler work for it. It's his 4th duck of the season and 37th of an extraordinary career spanning 470 innings, good enough for 10th on the all-time list. A two-time Duck of the Year (1966 and 1968), a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top 10, and one half of the "Only Two Quacks" double act with Adam Pooley — Bowles' honours board is getting crowded. On this very day back in 1957, D- Jordan suffered the identical fate against Folkestone CC. Some things never change. Batting at two, Andy Woollett was pouched by Desmond Gregory off M- Ellis for his first duck of the 1981 season and only his 2nd in a 39-innings career, nudging him to 168th in the all-time standings. Curiously, 1957 keeps cropping up — on this same date that year, D- Jordan was also trudging off against Folkestone CC. Down at number 8, debutant D- Leppard suffered the cruellest possible welcome to senior cricket, bowled by the same Desmond Gregory for nought on his very first appearance. Desmond clearly enjoyed his afternoon, involved in two of the three dismissals. A genuine baptism in the Duck Club's own image secures Leppard instant membership of the Debutante Duck board, and with the season standing at 1981, an equally instant entry into "One and Done — a career of a single duck." Whether the Retirement Duck honour eventually follows is strictly a matter for another day — the club never assumes a farewell before it's confirmed. And keeping D- Jordan company one more time, Leppard's duck too falls on that same 1957 Folkestone anniversary. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks from four matches, every one squeezed out of a single Midweek XI innings at Margate — the rest of the club kept its collective nose clean. No pairs, no family affairs this week, just a tidy hat-trick of noughts to keep the ledger honest. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Paul Bowles — 4 ducks / 34 innings (11.76%) 2. Martin Thompson — 3 ducks / 14 innings (21.43%) 3. David Carden — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) 4. Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.57%) 5. Trevor Back — 2 ducks / 10 innings (20.0%) Bowles leads the chase, but Carden's blistering one-in-three rate is the form line to watch. 🦆 Until the next fixture, when Linton Park will doubtless offer up fresh candidates for the exclusive zero club. Bat carefully out there — or don't, we'll be watching either way.

A tidy little brace from the 1st XI's trip to Wadhurst this weekend, courtesy of one rather effective gentleman by the name of R- Smith, who claimed the opening and number five spots for his own personal collection. 🏏 Saturday 18th — 1st XI away at Wadhurst CC Paul Bowles, walking out to open, departed b R- Smith without so much as a murmur. His 3rd duck of the season and 36th of an illustrious career now spanning 466 innings, which plants him firmly at 10th on the all-time list of 995 — rarefied company indeed. Paul remains a two-time Duck of the Year (1966 and 1968), a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top 10, and one half of Only Two Quacks alongside Adam Pooley. Fittingly, on this very date back in 1964, Frank Brattle (1937–1971, 38 career ducks, all-time 9th) was also trudging off against Rumwood CC — the calendar, it seems, has a long memory for nought. At number five, Malcolm Pay fell to the very same bowler — b R- Smith again, R- Smith's second scalp of the innings and evidently a man in irresistible form. It's Malcolm's 2nd duck of the season and 16th for his career, moving him to 36th on the all-time roll. He need not have looked far for company on the day either: Frank Brattle's 1964 nought against Rumwood CC keeps him honest company nearly two decades on. A small aside for the genealogists — Malcolm's sibling Colin Pay carries a single career duck of his own, so the family clearly believes in quality over quantity. Sunday's fixture, by contrast, passed off entirely duck-free — a rare afternoon of restraint from the LPCC top order. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, one very productive bowler. Both fell to the identical delivery-taker in the same innings — a small piece of symmetry the Duck Club is happy to log for posterity. Not quite a pair for either man individually, but R- Smith may fairly claim a brace of his own. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Martin Thompson — 3 ducks / 14 innings (21.43%) - Paul Bowles — 3 ducks / 30 innings (10.0%) - David Carden — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) - Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.57%) - Trevor Back — 2 ducks / 8 innings (25.0%) David Carden's one-in-three strike rate remains the number to beat this season, though Martin Thompson isn't far behind on raw menace. 🍩 Next fixture awaits, and with it another chance for the willing (or unwilling) to add their name to the ledger. The Duck Club never sleeps — see you at the crease. 0️⃣🦆

A quiet week in the paddock, but the Duck Club always finds its mark somewhere. 🏏 1st XI v Horton Kirby CC (Home, 11 July) Fred Cheesman strode out at number 7 and departed courtesy of a tidy delivery from Alastair Scott — bowled, back to the pavilion, nought to his name. It's the first duck of Fred's season and the first blot on an otherwise respectable card, his maiden nought in six innings for the club. He joins the exclusive zero club at 317th of 995 in the all-time standings — modest company for now, but every legend starts with one egg. Fred is, in fact, no stranger to ignominy done properly. He's a paid-up member of the Full House honours board, having made a duck in every position from 1 to 11 across his career — a masterclass in versatility applied entirely to failure. He also shares a corner of the honours board with Adam Pooley under Only Two Quacks, and sits comfortably inside the Tourist Duck top 10, so away grounds should regard him with some suspicion. And in a pleasing quirk of the calendar — on this day in 1967, Mike Stephens also made a duck, against West Farleigh CC. Stephens finished his 1966–1970 spell with 2 career ducks (212th all-time), so Fred keeps fine historical company for his outing. The other two matches this week passed by without troubling the scorers for ducks — sometimes the birds simply decline to show. 📊 Week in Summary Just the one duck from three matches — the leanest of pickings, but the season is young and the Duck Club never sleeps for long. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Martin Thompson — 3 ducks / 13 innings (23.08%) - David Carden — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) - Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) - Trevor Back — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.57%) - Paul Bowles — 2 ducks / 28 innings (7.14%) Fred will need a fair few more noughts yet to trouble that top table, but with a Full House already to his name, nobody should bet against him. Next fixture, more overs, more opportunities for glorious failure. See you all out there. 🦆🏏

A quiet week in the covers, but two proper duck club stalwarts kept the honours board turning over at Aylesford Paper Mills and Mote A. 1st XI Jon Harris opened the account against Aylesford Paper Mills, caught Steve Martin off Colin Watson without troubling the scorer — his 1st of the season, and a rather more significant 49th of a distinguished career from 310 innings, moving him to 3rd in the all-time standings. That places him level with the legendary John Ames (1952–1978), who reached exactly 49 in 414 innings — Harris getting there in considerably fewer knocks, for what that's worth in this particular discipline. A four-time Duck of the Year (1976, 1980 and now chasing a third in 1981), a Full House member and a fixture of practically every honours category going, Jon barely needs the introduction at this stage — on this very day in 1943, Herbert Sunley was doing much the same thing against Mr Ashby's XI, so the calendar at least is playing along. Three days later at Mote A, Trevor Back fell caught Malcolm Bristow bowled Micky Back — no relation, presumably, though one imagines the sledging wrote itself. His 2nd duck of the season lifts him to 16 career ducks from 105 innings, 37th on the all-time list, and draws him level with Percy Brattle, who racked up the same total across a marathon 1934–1973 career. On this day in 1975, Jim Hall was also walking back for nought against West Farleigh CC — six years before he'd finish his own career on 46. Sunday & midweek Nothing to report — the ducks kept their heads down elsewhere across the club this week. 📊 Week in Summary Just 2 ducks from 3 matches — a positively restrained week by Duck Club standards. Fittingly, both fell to established club legends rather than fresh blood: no debutantes, no pairs, no family affairs, just two old hands quietly padding out their considerable tallies. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Martin Thompson — 3 ducks / 13 innings (23.08%) 2. David Carden — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) 2. Trevor Back — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) 5. Paul Bowles — 2 ducks / 25 innings (8.00%) A three-way tussle for the minor placings, with Martin Thompson holding a clear lead at the top. Trevor Back's latest effort keeps him firmly in the mix — can he close the gap before the season's out? Next fixture, fresh opportunity. The zero club never closes its books — see you all at the crease 🏏🍩0️⃣

Four fixtures on the go this week, but the ducks proved highly selective hunters — every single nought came from one collapse away at Meopham CC. Grim reading for the 1st XI, glorious reading for the rest of us. 1st XI v Meopham CC (away, Saturday 27th) Opener Paul Bowles departed first, bowled by J- Lowham, for his 2nd duck of the season and 35th of an illustrious career spanning 458 innings — good enough for 11th on the all-time roll of dishonour. A two-time Duck of the Year (1966 and 1968), permanent resident of the Ducks on the Road top 10, and one half of "Only Two Quacks" alongside Adam Pooley, Bowles wears his noughts as decorated campaign medals. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1936, E Godden was also trudging back for a duck. J- Lowham wasn't finished. Down at number 8, Martin Thompson edged behind for his 3rd duck of the season — enough to send him top of the current Duck Hunting Season table — and his 9th career quack in just 54 innings, ranking 64th all-time. Thompson is also a long-standing member of the Retirement Duck honours from a past farewell, though on this evidence he isn't going anywhere yet. Like Bowles, he keeps E Godden's 1936 company on the "on this day" ledger. Lowham then claimed a third victim in Mike Iliffe (number 9), bowled for his 1st duck of the season but a mighty 42nd of his career — remarkably that's good for 7th in the entire 994-strong all-time list. A proper family trade too: his relative David Iliffe carries 11 career ducks of his own. Another echo of E Godden's 1936 effort. Last man in the quartet was Ron Hickman, run out for his 1st duck of the season and 30th of his career, 16th all-time. Hickman is enshrined in "Quacking Together" alongside Alan Cradduck and holds the singular "Runaway Duck" honour for an entire 1965 season without troubling the scorers. His kin Phil Hickman chips in 8 career ducks of his own. And yes — E Godden was at it again in 1936 too. Week in Summary Four ducks, all in one innings, three of them to the same bowler — J- Lowham was one wicket away from an unofficial hat-trick of nought-scalps. The other three fixtures this week were, disappointingly for the Duck Club, entirely fowl-free. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Martin Thompson — 11 innings, 3 ducks (27.3%) - David Carden — 5 innings, 2 ducks (40.0%) - Tim Thirkell — 6 innings, 2 ducks (33.3%) - Paul Bowles — 22 innings, 2 ducks (9.1%) - Dave Hales — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) Dave Hales sits on a perfect record so far — the purest form of consistency the club has to offer. Roll on the next fixture, when four more Linton batsmen will doubtless queue up for their moment of dubious distinction. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A modest weekend for the exclusive zero club — just two ducks laid across two fixtures — but what they lacked in volume they made up for in pedigree. Saturday 20 June 1st XI v West Farleigh CC — Mick Filmer, promoted to first drop, was lbw to Trevor Back without addition to the total. His 1st duck of the season and 4th of a career now 42 innings deep, he moves to 118th of 994 all-time, level with Brian Mills (1959–1963, a paid-up Debutante Duck club member) and Brian Woodcock (1976–1978) on the same tally of four. Fittingly, on this very day in 1970, Benny Bell (1966–1975, 30 ducks, 15th all-time) also wandered back for nought against Hythe CC — proof the calendar has a sense of humour. Sunday 21 June 1st XI v Dimanchians CC — Tim Thirkell, lbw b Pete Best, brought up his 2nd duck of the season and, remarkably, his 48th of a career now standing 4th of 994 all-time. The honours cabinet is groaning under the weight already: Duck of the Year 1972, the Ducks on the Road top 10, the Homebody Duck top 10, the Lone Duck top 10, and the rare Full House — a duck notched at every position from 1 to 11, a genuinely comprehensive body of work. He shares Quacking Together status with Jim Hall too. On this day in 1975, Colin Dicker (1972–1978, back-to-back Duck of the Year in '73 and '75) made his own against Hythe CC — six years apart, same result. And this is very much a family trade — father John Thirkell leads the clan on 90 career ducks, with siblings Nigel (28) and Simon (1) and cousin Stuart (1) rounding out a proper dynasty of ducks. Week in summary Two ducks, two matches, both lbw, both in the 1st XI — a quiet weekend by Linton Park's usual standards. But Tim Thirkell's continued climb up the all-time charts is reason enough to raise a glass of something entirely scoreless. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - David Carden — 3 inns, 2 ducks (67%) - Tim Thirkell — 5 inns, 2 ducks (40%) - Martin Thompson — 9 inns, 2 ducks (22%) - Dave Hales — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - Fred Greenfield — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) The exclusive zero club never closes its doors — next weekend's fixtures await their own contributions to the cause. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Four matches went ahead this week and the Zero Club logged two new arrivals, both plucked from the same top order at YMCA Maidstone. A quiet week by Linton standards, but the exclusive club never turns members away for being modest in number. Saturday 13th June — 1st XI at YMCA Maidstone Opening the innings, Graham Cove departed without scoring, bowled by S- Wyles. It's his first duck of the summer and the third of a career that now stands at 3 from 29 innings, good enough for 141st on the club's all-time roll of dishonour. Graham is also already inscribed on the Retirement Duck board from a previous innings that, at the time, looked like a full stop — evidently the sequel got written after all. Neatly, on this very calendar day in 1971 Graham Abel made a duck of his own against Bobbing Court CC, one of two he'd finish with in a brief 1970–71 career and good for 194th all-time — kindred spirits, sixty years and a very different scorebook apart. Two down at first drop, David Carden followed him back, caught by J- Golding off the bowling of R- Warboys. It's Carden's second duck of the season already, level with Martin Thompson at the top of this year's ducks table, though comfortably outpacing him on strike rate — three innings to Thompson's eight. It moves David to 6 career ducks from 59 innings, 84th on the all-time list, and — fittingly — he shares his calendar date with Graham Abel's 1971 effort too. Late June, it seems, has always had it in for Linton's top order. Elsewhere The 2nds, 3rds and 4ths all came home with clean hands this week — every wicket that fell, fell for something. Make the most of it while it lasts, gentlemen. Week in Summary Two ducks from four matches, both confined to a single top-order wobble at YMCA Maidstone. Slim pickings, but the season race is only just getting started. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. David Carden — 2 ducks from 3 innings (67%) 2. Martin Thompson — 2 ducks from 8 innings (25%) 3. Dave Hales — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 4. Fred Greenfield — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 5. Graham Cove — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) Carden and Thompson share top billing on raw ducks, with three names on a flawless 100% behind them. Plenty of season left for the chasing pack to make their move — same crease, same invitation, next weekend. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Four fixtures on the go this week, and for three of them the ducks stayed firmly hidden in the reeds. The exception was the 1st XI's home date with Sheldwich CC on the 7th, which served up a tidy little collapse and three fresh entries to the ledger. 1st XI v Sheldwich CC (home, 7th June) - David Carden departed run out for nought at number five — season duck number one, and his 5th for the club from 58 innings, good for a solid 93rd of 994 on the all-time table. Fitting company on the calendar too: on this very day in 1980, Mike Iliffe also strolled back scoreless against Rumwood CC, one of the 41 ducks that carry him to 7th on the all-time list. - Trevor Back followed at six, caught Mountford bowled Scott, also for nought — his 15th career duck from 101 innings and 39th all-time, a name already garlanded on the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, with paired honours alongside both Allan Cooper and Jon Harris. History repeats itself nicely: 1980 saw Iliffe make the same walk back on this very date. - Roger Craske completed the collapse at seven, caught Sinclair bowled Scott — Fred Scott doing brisk business with the ball this afternoon. It's Craske's first career duck, from just 6 innings, landing him 421st of 994, and he already wears the Retirement Duck badge among his standing honours. Iliffe, once more, kept the same date good company back in 1980. A quiet week in the round then — three ducks from four matches, all off the same over-worked bowling change at Sheldwich. Fred Scott can chalk the afternoon up as a triumph through adversity for the fielding side, if nothing else. The other three fixtures were, disappointingly, entirely vegan. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏏 - Martin Thompson — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.6%) - Dave Hales — 1/1 (100%) - Fred Greenfield — 1/1 (100%) - Roger Craske — 1/1 (100%) - Steve Petty — 1/1 (100%) The exclusive zero club never rests for long — next weekend's fixtures await their own additions to the honours board. See you at the crease. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Four matches, three ducks. A quiet week by Linton's usual standards of gloriously abject batting, but the exclusive zero club never turns away new business. 🏏 Saturday 4th – YMCA Maidstone (1st XI) Malcolm Pay was run out for nought at number four, his 1st duck of the season and the 15th of a long and storied career — 121 innings deep and now sitting 38th on the all-time roll of dishonour. Nobody's quite sure who called it, but "Unsure" is now permanently on the scorecard, which feels fitting. On this very date in 1967, Stan Wratten was going through the same ritual against Hythe CC, on his way to 35 career ducks and 11th place all-time — a name enshrined in the Quacking Together honours alongside John Ames. Malcolm keeps good historical company. He also has a sibling, Colin Pay, quietly ticking over on 1 career duck of his own — the family clearly doesn't discriminate. 🌙 Wednesday 3rd – Tonbridge Trade (Midweek XI) A brace for the Midweek boys. Dave Hales was bowled by Kingsmill for his 1st duck of the season, his 2nd in a five-innings career, ranking 179th of 994 all time. Dave already carries the Debutante Duck honour from a duck on his very first-ever knock, and sits — presumptively, nobody's confirmed anything — on both the Quack-to-Quack and Retirement Duck boards from some future farewell yet to be announced. On this same day in 1967, Alan Cridland was doing the same against Tovil Nomads CC, one of three career ducks in a brief 1965–68 stint. Dave's brother Andrew is also a paid-up member of the club, level on 2 career ducks himself — clearly runs in the family. Steve Petty followed, bowled by A Ilsley for his 1st duck of both season and career, from just 3 innings, landing him 430th all time. Fittingly, Steve is this season's standard-bearer for the Runaway Duck 1981 board — a whole campaign so far without troubling the scorers. He shares Dave's date-twinning quirk too: Alan Cridland, 1967, Tovil Nomads CC, same day, same fate. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks from four fixtures — the 1st XI and Midweek XI did the damage between them, while the rest of the club evidently kept its collective bat away from trouble. No pairs, no king pairs, no family affairs this week — just honest, solitary failure, the purest kind. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Martin Thompson — 2 ducks from 5 innings (40%) 2. Dave Hales — 1 from 1 (100%) 2. Fred Greenfield — 1 from 1 (100%) 2. Steve Petty — 1 from 1 (100%) 5. David Iliffe — 1 from 3 (33.33%) Martin Thompson leads the chase, but with three players locked at a flawless 100% conversion rate, this season's race for indignity is wide open. 🦆 Same time next match — the Duck Club awaits its next volunteers. Bring your ducks, bring your excuses, we'll take both.

Two fixtures, four ducks, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees in a weekend that proved, once again, that Linton Park's finest can fail with real style. 🏏 1st XI v Headcorn CC (away, Sat 16th) Opening the innings and opening the account for entirely the wrong reasons, Paul Bowles was bowled by Dave Harden for nought — his 1st duck of the season and a chunky 34th of an illustrious career, good enough for 13th on the all-time list of 994. A two-time Duck of the Year (1966, 1968) and paid-up member of the Ducks on the Road top 10, Paul barely needs the introduction. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1959 Bob Arnold was also trudging off for nought, en route to a career 47 and 4th place in the pantheon — good company to keep. At number 5, Tim Thirkell followed him back for 0, bowled Robert Westrop. His 1st of the season, 47th of his career, and 5th on the all-time roll — one ahead of Bowles and closing fast. Tim already owns the rare Full House (a duck at every position 1-11), which tells you everything about his range. A chip off the old block too — father John Thirkell sits top of the all-time chart with 90 career ducks, while brother Nigel isn't far behind on 28. Tim shares his "Quacking Together" honour with Jim Hall, who — by happy coincidence — was busy adding to his own tally the very next day. And right on cue, the calendar delivers Bob Arnold again: 1959, same date, same fate. 🌱 Sunday NVKC v High Halstow CC (home) Down at number 7, Jim Hall nicked off to Paul Whelan without scoring — his 1st duck this season and a mighty 46th overall, 6th of all time. Jim's honours board reads like a small library: Duck of the Year twice (1970, 1977), Full House nearly-man, Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top 10 regular, and Quacking Together partner to both Tim Thirkell and Nigel Thirkell. On this day in 1953, Stan Wratten was doing much the same against Mote A, finishing on 35 for 11th spot all-time. Two down, and then Martin Thompson was run out — Unsure, appropriately enough — for a duck at number 9. This is his 2nd of the season already, taking him to 8 career ducks and 72nd on the leaderboard. A Retirement Duck club member from a past farewell, though nobody's suggesting anything of the sort today given he's already the early pacesetter for this year's Duck of the Year race. Stan Wratten again provides the historical echo, same day, same shape of misfortune. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks from two matches, three of them bowled clean and one run out for good measure — a solid early-season harvest as the Duck Club stretches its wings for 1981. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Martin Thompson — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40%) - Fred Greenfield — 1 duck / 1 innings (100%) - Jim Hall — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) - David Iliffe — 1 duck / 3 innings (33.3%) - Martin Larkin — 1 duck / 3 innings (33.3%) Martin Thompson sets an early pace nobody will envy chasing. Next fixture looms — who fancies joining the club? 🦆🍩0️⃣

Early May and the 1981 Duck Hunting season creaks into life with the 1st XI doing the honours in both fixtures. Two matches, two ducks — the exclusive zero club welcomes its first members of the year. Saturday 9th May — 1st XI away at Rumwood CC - David Iliffe fell at number six, bowled by Geoff Griffiths, to open his 1981 account with the season's first duck. It's also his 11th career nought from 37 innings, good enough for 48th of 994 in the all-time table — a fine early stride towards the sort of consistency the Duck Club holds dear. On this very day in 1959, Brian Mills was doing much the same against St Lukes Maidstone CC, en route to 4 ducks across a brief 1959–1960 career. Iliffe keeps it in the family too, with relative Mike Iliffe a seasoned campaigner in his own right on 41 career ducks. Wednesday 13th May — 1st XI away at Benenden CC - Martin Thompson, also at number six, was bowled by Mike Chambers for his first duck of the season, moving to 7 career ducks from 46 innings and 79th on the all-time list. A paid-up member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell, Thompson proves there's life in the old guard yet. On this same date in 1961, William Agate was doing his own bit for posterity with a duck against Charles Arkcoll. The Week in Brief Two matches, two ducks, both perishing at number six, both bowled — a position and a method of dismissal apparently allergic to runs this week. Slim pickings so far this season, but the harvest is only just getting started. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 - Fred Greenfield — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - David Iliffe — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) - Martin Larkin — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) - Martin Thompson — 3 innings, 1 duck (33.33%) Early skirmishing at the top, with Fred Greenfield making the perfect start to a Duck of the Year bid nobody asked for. Plenty of season left for the rest of the club to make their case. Next fixture beckons — who fancies a place on the board? 🏏🍩0️⃣

The 1981 season wastes no time replenishing the exclusive zero club, with Linton Park's 1st XI supplying two new arrivals against Bidborough CC. 1st XI (h) v Bidborough CC In at first drop, Martin Larkin departed in a mix-up nobody could quite explain — run out, fielder unrecorded, for a duck that owes as much to confusion as to any Bidborough brilliance. It's his 1st duck of the season and 3rd for his Linton career in 15 innings, good enough for 150th of 994 on the all-time roll. Martin is already a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck honours board from a farewell innings long past — today simply adds another chapter to a well-established relationship with nought. Mark the calendar too: this very day in 1959, Frank Brattle was doing precisely the same thing, one stop on a Linton career (1937–1963) that yielded 38 career ducks and 9th place all-time. Down at seven, Fred Greenfield was cleaned up by David Tolhurst without so much as troubling the scorers. It's his 1st duck of the season but a serious 23rd for the club from 160 innings, sitting him 28th of 994 all-time — a tally that speaks to consistency of a very particular kind. Fred too carries the Retirement Duck honour from a past bow-out, and, rather neatly, shares his anniversary with Frank Brattle's own duck back in 1959. Some dates, it seems, simply attract the art of not scoring. Week in Summary One match, two ducks, both courtesy of the same Bidborough fixture and both from Linton's middle-to-lower order. A quiet opening statement for the 1981 campaign, but the Duck Club machinery is already turning nicely. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Fred Greenfield — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 1. Martin Larkin — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Early season, and already a dead heat atop a table nobody truly wants to top. Plenty of fixtures left for someone to break away — or, more likely, for company to arrive. Next match, next opportunity, next unwilling recruit. The Duck Club never sleeps. 🦆🍩