🦆 The Duck Pond

A season-closing flurry at home to Linton Park CC saw the zero club welcome three new arrivals in a single unhappy innings, each dispatched inside the paperwork stage of their visit. Sunday 26th September – vs Linton Park CC (home) David Cheale, in at six, fell caught Simon Thirkell bowled Mick Filmer without scoring — his 3rd duck of the season and 3rd of his career from just 8 innings, good enough for 141st of 1038 in the all-time list. He's a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell, and keeps pace with brother Steve, who sits on an identical 3 career ducks — evidently a family aptitude for the art of not scoring. On this very day back in 1965, Roy Clarke (1957–1966, 40 ducks, 9th all-time, Duck of the Year 1959) was also dismissed for nought against Linton Park CC — some anniversaries never lose their shine. Simon Thirkell, fresh from pouching Cheale's catch, then walked out at five and was run out for nought himself — his 2nd of the season and 5th of his career from 29 innings, 106th of 1038. A card-carrying member of the 50 Before a 50 club (59 ducks, high score 48) and a fixture of both the Ducks on the Road and Tourist Duck top tens, Simon plainly travels well for all the wrong reasons. The Thirkell name is a duck dynasty in its own right — father John on 90 career noughts, brothers Tim on 50 and Nigel on 30 — so today's zero keeps very distinguished company. Roy Clarke, same date, same opposition, 1965, sends his regards for a second time. David Iliffe, number 11, was last man out — caught Mike Elworthy bowled Mike Iliffe for nought, undone by his own kin. That earns him a fresh line on the Quacked by Kin board, dismissed by a relative in 1982 itself, a genuinely rare family ceremony. It's his 7th duck of the season and 19th of his career in 92 innings, 33rd of 1038 all-time, and keeps him handsomely clear at the top of this year's Duck of the Year race. Roy Clarke, 1965, vs Linton Park CC once more — the third and final sighting of him today. Week in summary: two fixtures, three ducks, the lot condensed into one unfortunate innings at home to Linton Park CC — headlined by cricket's rarest party trick, a wicket taken by one relative and endured by another. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. David Iliffe — 7 ducks, 36 innings (19.44%) 2. Fred Cheesman — 6 ducks, 29 innings (20.69%) 3. Malcolm Pay — 6 ducks, 37 innings (16.22%) 4. Sean Cook — 4 ducks, 8 innings (50.0%) 5. Jim Hall — 4 ducks, 27 innings (14.81%) Plenty of season left for the chasing pack to close the gap on Iliffe. Same time next fixture — bring your bat, or don't bother 🍩🏏0️⃣

Four fixtures, three ducks, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees. Modest pickings by Linton standards, but quality over quantity, as ever. Saturday 18 September 1st XI at home to West Farleigh CC — Brian Piper strode in at four and departed without troubling the scorers, bowled by Norman Underdown. His second duck of the season nudges him to a round dozen for his career, good for 46th of 1035 in the all-time roll. Spookily, on this very date in 1960 Cliff Anscombe (1957–1975, 25 ducks, 24th all-time) was doing precisely the same thing against Tilling Steven. Some anniversaries you don't choose. Sunday 19 September 1st XI v Anchorians CC — David Iliffe, in at two, was caught and bowled by G Cooper for the sixth time this season, taking him to 18 career ducks and 35th of 1035 all-time. That sixth duck draws him level at the very top of this year's Duck Hunting Season charts, and he arrives there as a live Duck of the Year 1982 contender — a title he's already chasing hard. He's also no stranger to the Quacked by Kin honours, having shared a nought with relative Mike Iliffe (43 career ducks himself) earlier this campaign — a proper family trade. And on this day in 1959, G Martin (1958–1959, 3 ducks) was falling the same way against Bearsted CC. Thursday 23 September Midweek XI v Withnell Fold CC — Jon Harris, promoted to eight, was caught by T Franks off Robinson for his third duck of the season. Ordinarily unremarkable, except Jon now sits on 56 career ducks — second of all 1035 names ever to pull on an LPCC shirt. A three-time Duck of the Year (1976, 1980, 1981), the only man to complete the Full House (a duck at every position 1 to 11), and a fixture of the Lone Duck, Tourist Duck and Homebody Duck top tens besides. Fittingly, on this day in 1972 club great Tim Thirkell (1967–1982, 50 ducks) was also walking back for nothing, against West Farleigh CC. The week in brief Three ducks from four matches — one fixture, mercifully or not, got away entirely fowl-free. The Iliffe household and the Harris family both add further weight to already groaning honours boards, proof once again that in this club the art of not scoring is a hereditary trait as much as a skill. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Fred Cheesman — 27 inns, 6 ducks, 22.2% - David Iliffe — 34 inns, 6 ducks, 17.6% - Malcolm Pay — 35 inns, 6 ducks, 17.1% - Sean Cook — 6 inns, 4 ducks, 66.7% - Jim Hall — 24 inns, 4 ducks, 16.7% Three names locked together at the summit on six apiece — the Duck of the Year race is wide open. Sean Cook's strike rate remains a thing of terrible beauty. Next match, next chance. The zero club never closes. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Only three fixtures on the card this week, but the zero column still found its way into two of them. Four fresh entries for the ledger — read on. Sunday 12 September — 1st XI v Northend Sunday (h) The 1st XI's lone contribution came from David Iliffe, tidily held by K Stapley off T- Pearce at number five. It's his 5th duck of the season and 17th for the career — 89 innings in, 37th on the all-time list of 1034, and currently sat pretty atop this year's Duck of the Year table, a crown he's very much still wearing. Keeping it in the family, his father Mike Iliffe is already a fixture of the honours board on 43 career ducks of his own — the "Quacked by Kin" entry between them dates from earlier this season, so today's effort is rather on brand. Historical company arrives via the on-this-day file too: back in 1959, S Lusher made a duck on this exact date against Bowaters CC, a lone entry on 1 for the career — glad to have some 1982 company, no doubt. Wednesday 15 September — Midweek XI v The Mote CC (a) The Mote were considerably less hospitable, prising out three Linton men for nought in the same innings — a proper cull. Trevor Hales went first, bowled Glyn Mitchell at four, his 1st duck of the season and 2nd of a still-fledgling career (4 innings). Trevor already carries a "Retirement Duck" entry on the honours board from a presumed-past farewell, which today rather cheerfully undermines — reports of his retirement, evidently exaggerated. Family runs deep here too, with Dave Hales and Andrew Hales both quietly ticking along on 2 career ducks apiece. Next, Jim Hall — caught Richard Chapman, bowled Glyn Mitchell — his 4th of the season and a staggering 51st of the career, good for 3rd on the entire all-time list out of 1034 names. Jim's board reads like a small pamphlet: Duck of the Year in both 1970 and 1977, permanent residence in the Lone Duck, Tourist Duck and Homebody Duck top tens, and the cruellest entry of all — "Full House nearly-man", denied a duck at all eleven positions by a single stubborn slot. And completing the set, Bob Dyer, bowled W- Beg, for a duck on debut — his very first senior innings, and it's a blank. Instant, uncontested membership of the Debutante Duck board, and a flawless 100% career duck-rate to open his account. Welcome to the club, Bob — nowhere to go but up. Fittingly, all three Mote victims share the same echo down the years: Mike Iliffe — David's own father — made a duck against Southborough CC on this very date back in 1973. Three Linton men, one shared ghost of ducks past. Week in brief 4 ducks from 3 matches, with the third fixture escaping entirely duck-free. Wednesday did the damage, with The Mote claiming three in a single innings. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Fred Cheesman — 6 ducks, 27 inns, 22.2% - Malcolm Pay — 6 ducks, 33 inns, 18.2% - David Iliffe — 5 ducks, 33 inns, 15.2% - Sean Cook — 4 ducks, 6 inns, 66.7% (a rate that deserves its own trophy cabinet) - Jim Hall — 4 ducks, 22 inns, 18.2% The season's winding down but the ducks show no sign of migrating early. See you all at the next fixture — bats, and inevitably a few more noughts, at the ready. 🦆🏏0️⃣

The Cornwall Tour rolled on this week, and the Duck Club's touring wing was busy: five noughts posted across four matches against Beacon, Grampound Road, Paul and Troon. The exclusive zero club, it turns out, travels rather well. Sunday 5th, v Beacon CC, Cornwall Mike Elworthy departed early, caught behind off John Hutchins. His 2nd duck of the season is also his 2nd career duck from 20 innings, enough to earn him a spot in the Tourist Duck top 10 — a man who saves his best failures for away soil. On this very date in 1970, David T Lowen was doing much the same against A.Trembeths. Monday 6th, v Grampound Road CC David Iliffe fell caught, his 4th duck of the season and 16th of a career now 87 innings deep, 38th on the all-time list. 1982 is shaping into quite a year for him — he already wears the Duck of the Year 1982 sash and was Quacked by Kin earlier this season alongside relative Mike Iliffe, who carries 43 career ducks of his own. Back in 1967, Roger Craddock marked this same date with a duck against Birchington. Tuesday 7th, v Paul CC A double blow for the tourists. Allan Cooper was caught for his 1st duck of the season, 26th of his career from 175 innings and 21st all-time, a serial member of the Only Two Quacks club, previously paired with Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back. Fred Cheesman followed him back, stumped for his 6th of the season and 9th career duck, a Full House honouree who has now failed at every position in the order. Both men share a calendar twin in Tim Thirkell, whose own duck fell on this exact date in 1977. Wednesday 8th, v Troon CC And then, arrival and ignominy in the same breath. Kevin Riley marked his LPCC debut bowled for nought — a fresh face straight into the Debutante Duck club, all-time rank 390 of 1033 and, we trust, only just getting started despite the club's fondness for filing new arrivals under One and Done. In 1981, Richard Ashby made his own duck against Paul CC on this very date. Five ducks, four matches, one tour — Cornish bowling proving no gentler than the home attacks. Fred Cheesman's efforts also keep him handily placed in the season race below. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Fred Cheesman — 6 ducks, 25 innings (24.0%) 2. Malcolm Pay — 6 ducks, 32 innings (18.75%) 3. Sean Cook — 4 ducks, 6 innings (66.67%) 4. David Iliffe — 4 ducks, 31 innings (12.9%) 5. Paul Bowles — 4 ducks, 48 innings (8.33%) The tour rolls on, and so, inevitably, will the ducks. See you at the next fixture 🦆🍩

The August Bank Holiday and a tour fixture in Cornwall conspired to add three fresh entries to the club's exclusive zero club this week. Modest numbers, but one of them is a genuine slice of history. 🏏 Bank Holiday Monday, 30 August — 1st XI v Bearsted CC (home) Paul Bowles opened the innings and departed just as promptly, edging behind c Peter Mills b Richard Campion for nought — his 4th duck of the summer and 42nd of a heavily decorated Linton career, good enough for 8th on the all-time table of 1,030 hopefuls. A two-time Duck of the Year (1966 and 1968) and a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top ten, Paul continues to demonstrate that scoring nothing away from home is very much its own discipline. Neatly enough, on this same date back in 1965 Frank Brattle (1937–1971, 38 career ducks) also fell for a duck against Bearsted — some things about this fixture never change. Down at number 7, Jim Hall was bowled by Ian Lambert without so much as a murmur — his 3rd duck of the season, but far more significantly his 50th career duck for the club. Fifty. A round, resounding nothing, and it hoists Jim to 3rd on the all-time chart of 1,030, an eyelash off top spot. His honours board already reads like a duck almanac — Duck of the Year 1970 and 1977, Lone Duck top ten, Homebody Duck top ten, Tourist Duck top ten, and no fewer than three "Quacking Together" partnerships (Jon Harris, Martin Mears, Tim Thirkell). Fittingly, Jim shares his date with the same Frank Brattle vintage of 1965 — two Linton ducks, one Bearsted attack, one long-retired bowler getting the credit twice over. 🚢 Friday 3 September — Tour XI v Falmouth CC (away) Out on tour, David Iliffe was bowled by Mike Hoban at number 4 for nought — his 3rd duck of the season and 15th of an 84-innings career, 39th on the all-time list. 1982 has been quite the vintage for David: he currently holds the Duck of the Year 1982 title, and earlier this season was memorably "Quacked by Kin", dismissed by relative Mike Iliffe (43 career ducks — clearly a family with an eye for the ignominious). On this very date in 1972, Benny Bell (1966–1975, 30 ducks) was performing precisely the same trick against Staplehurst CC — the calendar has long had a soft spot for early-September nothings. 📋 Week in summary Four matches, three ducks — a quiet week in volume but a genuinely significant one in substance, with Jim Hall's half-century the headline. No pairs, no family affairs, just honest, old-fashioned failure to score. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Malcolm Pay — 6 ducks in 32 innings (18.75%) - Fred Cheesman — 5 ducks in 21 innings (23.81%) - Sean Cook — 4 ducks in 6 innings (66.67% 🍩) - Paul Bowles — 4 ducks in 45 innings (8.89%) - Steve Cheale — 3 ducks in 7 innings (42.86%) Malcolm still leads the chase, but Sean Cook's strike rate for nothing remains the most alarming statistic in the club. 🦆 Next fixture awaits — pads on, guard taken, destiny unknown. The Duck Club never sleeps.

Three matches in the book this week and the ducks proved remarkably shy — just the one addition to the exclusive zero club. Quality over quantity, evidently. Saturday — 1st XI v Old Anchorians CC Malcolm Pay, so often a fixture at the crease, found himself back in the pavilion rather sooner than planned, caught B Neale off the bowling of P Wilson at number five. Not a golden duck, just the ordinary business of getting out for nought. It's his 6th of the season and 22nd for the club in 170 innings, keeping him a solid 31st in the all-time standings — a chip off the old block too, with sibling Colin Pay a fellow, if less prolific, member of the club on one career duck. On this very day back in 1953, J Barclay was up to much the same thing, also falling for nought. Barclay went on to be crowned Duck of the Year that season and would eventually bow out of his Linton career on a duck of his own — Malcolm, three decades on, treads a well-worn path. The other two fixtures of the week passed off disappointingly duck-free — a rare weekend of restraint from the rest of the club. Week in summary One duck from three matches is a lean return by Linton standards — the sort of week that sends a correspondent reaching for the record books rather than the honours board. Still, Malcolm's kept the tally ticking over nicely, and with the season table so tightly packed, one man's quiet Saturday is another's opportunity. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Malcolm Pay — 30 inn, 6 ducks (20.0%) 🥈 Fred Cheesman — 19 inn, 5 ducks (26.32%) 🥉 Sean Cook — 6 inn, 4 ducks (66.67%) 4. Steve Cheale — 7 inn, 3 ducks (42.86%) 5. Paul Bowles — 42 inn, 3 ducks (7.14%) Sean Cook's rate remains eye-watering — two trips in every three ending in a nought. Malcolm holds top spot for now, but Fred Cheesman is lurking with menace and the summer isn't done yet. 🍩 Fixtures continue next week — no doubt the ducks will return in greater numbers. Get down to the ground and see who's next to join the club. 🦆

A lean weekend for the Zero Club, but what it lacked in volume it made up for in ceremony: one man, two days, one immaculate pair. 🏏 Saturday 14th August — 1st XI v St Lukes Maidstone CC (home) Malcolm Pay strode out at first drop and departed for nought, caught R Aiston bowled R Moon. His 4th duck of the campaign and 20th of an increasingly distinguished career spanning 168 innings — good enough for 31st on the all-time list of 1,030 noughts. On this very day in 1893, A Kent was doing much the same against Royal Engineers CC, en route to 3 career ducks and the 1893 Duck of the Year crown. Eighty-nine years apart, same script. 🌱 Sunday 15th August — 1st XI v Whitstable CC (home) Malcolm wasn't finished. Back out at number four the following day, he fell again — caught T Robertson bowled C Hadler — for his 5th duck of the season and 21st of his career, holding steady at 31st all-time. File the weekend under Pair: two ducks, back to back, the sort of consistency the club exists to honour. Fittingly, on this same day in 1964, the legendary John Thirkell — Linton's all-time leader with 90 ducks across 1943–1982 and a five-time Duck of the Year — was also walking back, against Bowaters CC. Malcolm keeps company he probably didn't ask for. For the record, Malcolm's sibling Colin Pay carries a single career duck of his own — the Pay family evidently prefers quality over quantity, except this particular weekend. 📊 The Week in Brief Just two matches, and only one man among the fallen — but he made absolutely sure to double up. The rest of the club batted through undisturbed this time, no drama at the 2s, 3s or beyond. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Fred Cheesman — 5 ducks in 18 innings (27.78%) - Malcolm Pay — 5 ducks in 28 innings (17.86%) - Sean Cook — 4 ducks in 6 innings (66.67%), form of a lifetime - Steve Cheale — 3 ducks in 7 innings (42.86%) - Paul Bowles — 3 ducks in 39 innings (7.69%) Malcolm's weekend brace hauls him level with Fred Cheesman at the summit of the 1982 race — Duck of the Year is very much up for grabs. Next fixture, who fancies joining them at the top? The ducks are out there. We'll be watching. 🦆

Two matches, two results, and — brace yourselves — not a single duck to show for it. The full 1982 top order marched out, faced their overs, and every last one of them troubled the scorer. A blank weekend for the exclusive zero club, and a rare one at that. We won't pretend this isn't a little disappointing. The art of not scoring is a proud Linton tradition and this weekend it simply wasn't practised. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs to report — just eleven men a side quietly getting off the mark like it's the most natural thing in the world. Frankly, unnatural. Still, a fallow weekend for the ducks is not a fallow weekend for the season. The race for Duck of the Year rumbles on regardless, and the current pecking order makes for interesting reading. 0️⃣ Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Sean Cook — 4 ducks from just 6 innings, a scarcely believable 66.67% strike rate. At this pace he may retire the trophy before September. 🥈 Steve Cheale — 3 from 7, ticking along at 42.86%. Every third visit to the crease is apparently optional. 🥉 Fred Cheesman — 5 ducks from 17 innings and 29.41%, the current volume leader even if the percentage boys are chasing him down. 4️⃣ Malcolm Pay — 3 from 26, a more modest 11.54%, playing the long game. 5️⃣ Paul Bowles — 3 from 37, 8.11%, the elder statesman of the group proving that consistency of a very particular kind takes patience. Sean Cook holds the raw pace, Fred Cheesman the raw total — plenty of season left for either to pull clear, and plenty of time for the rest of the chasing pack to come good. 🏏 So, an uneventful weekend for the collectors among us. The ducks evaded capture this time, but nobody should get comfortable — form like this rarely lasts, and Linton's middle order has let the club down (in the best possible way) too often for anyone to relax. Next fixture, normal service will surely resume. See you at the crease. 🦆

Six fresh entries onto the honours boards this week, spread across three fixtures. The zero club never sleeps. 🏏 Saturday 31st — Bromley CC (away) A rough afternoon for the 1st XI's top order. Paul Bowles opened and departed briskly, caught Roake bowled Rodgers for nought — his 3rd of the season and 41st of an extraordinary career, good enough for 8th on the all-time list of 1030. Paul already holds Duck of the Year twice over, 1966 and 1968, a seat in the Ducks on the Road top 10, and a shared Only Two Quacks entry with Adam Pooley. Neat symmetry: on this very day in 1895, Ernest Cruttenden also strolled back for nought, against Headcorn CC. Andy Woollett followed at six, caught Foster bowled Davies, his 2nd of the season and 7th career duck, rank 80 of 1030 — another name alongside Cruttenden's 1895 vintage. Fred Cheesman came unstuck at eight, run out in some confusion, his 5th duck of the season already and 8th career, rank 72. Fred is a paid-up member of the Full House club, having ducked at every position 1 to 11, sits in the Tourist Duck top 10, and shares Only Two Quacks with Adam Pooley too — Bromley clearly agreed with the Cruttenden theme once more. At ten, Simon Thirkell completed the collapse, caught Roake bowled Foster for his 1st duck of the season and 4th career, rank 127. The name should sound familiar — son of club legend John Thirkell, all-time number one with 90 ducks, and brother to Tim Thirkell 50 and Nigel Thirkell 30. A dynasty built entirely on not scoring. Cruttenden salutes a fourth time. 🏏 Staplehurst CC (home) Mike Elworthy became properly acquainted with the club, caught unsure bowled Hotson, his very first career duck in ten innings. He joins the Tourist Duck top 10. On this day in 1964, Basil Sears was doing exactly the same against Headcorn CC, en route to 33 career ducks. 🌙 Monday 4th — Midweek XI vs Maidstone Police Sean Cook was bowled by B Bradley for his 4th duck of the season, level with his 4th career duck from just six innings — a duck rate needing no further comment. Sean is a Debutante Duck club member from way back, having ducked on his actual first-ever knock. On this day in 1976, Robert Chance did likewise against Sennocke CC. 📋 Week in Summary Six ducks, three matches, one thoroughly demolished top order at Bromley. The ghost of Ernest Cruttenden, 1895, was busy — popping up four times in one afternoon. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Fred Cheesman — 5 ducks/16 inns (31.25%) 2. Sean Cook — 4 ducks/6 inns (66.67%) 3. Steve Cheale — 3 ducks/7 inns (42.86%) 4. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks/24 inns (12.5%) 5. Paul Bowles — 3 ducks/35 inns (8.57%) 🍩 Next fixture awaits. The zero club always has room for more — bring your bat, or don't bother.

Only one team troubled the zero column this week, but the 1st XI made sure the exclusive club kept its books open with three fresh entries across the weekend. Saturday 24th July, away at Newchapel & Horne Fred Cheesman departed at number six, caught Saffery bowled Arthur, for his 4th duck of the season and 7th of a career now standing at 28 innings, good enough (bad enough) for 79th of 1030 in the all time roll. Fred is a fully paid up Full House man, with a duck at every position from 1 to 11 to his name, a member of Only Two Quacks with Adam Pooley, and a regular face in the Tourist Duck top 10, proof that the art of not scoring travels well. On this very day in 1960, Frank Brattle, who played from 1937 to 1971 and finished with 38 ducks, now 10th all time, also trudged off for nought, against Folkestone CC. Sunday 25th July, away at The Mote CC Richard Chapman had himself an afternoon, accounting for two Linton batsmen in short order. Trevor Back went first, caught Trigg, for his 2nd duck of the season and 19th of his career, 34th of 1030 all time from 129 innings. Trevor's honours cabinet groans under placings in Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top 10, an Only Two Quacks partnership with Allan Cooper, and a Quacking Together entry alongside Jon Harris. Martin Larkin followed at ten, bowled by the same Chapman, his 2nd of the season and 5th career duck, 103rd of 1030 all time, and a paid up member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell. Both men were shadowed on the calendar by W Turner, whose solitary career duck for the club came against Bearsted CC on this very day in 1925. Week in Summary Three ducks from three innings, all courtesy of the 1st XI's middle and lower order. A quiet week by Linton's usual standards, but the season race stays lively. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Fred Cheesman, 4 ducks from 15 innings, 26.67% 2. Sean Cook, 3 ducks from 5 innings, 60.00% 3. Steve Cheale, 3 ducks from 7 innings, 42.86% 4. Malcolm Pay, 3 ducks from 22 innings, 13.64% 5. David Cheale, 2 ducks from 4 innings, 50.00% Fred sits proudly atop the pile after this weekend's efforts. Can anyone catch him before the season is out? Roll on the next fixture, and may the ducks keep coming. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A quiet weekend for the exclusive zero club: two matches played, and only one man required to make the walk of shame back to the pavilion. Sometimes even ignominy takes a rest. 1st XI v Folkestone CC (home, Sat 18 July) Position six offered no sanctuary for Trevor Back, bowled by David Yates for his 1st duck of the 1982 season. A well-worn path, this — his 18th career nought from 128 innings plants him 36th of 1028 in the all-time standings, comfortably inside both the Lone Duck top 10 and the Homebody Duck top 10, and a paid-up member of Only Two Quacks (with Allan Cooper) and Quacking Together (with Jon Harris). Triumph through adversity, and adversity through Trevor. Spookily, on this very calendar day in 1964, Frank Brattle was going through exactly the same ritual against Rumwood CC — one of 38 career ducks that still hold him at 10th of 1028 all time. Eighteen years apart, same date on the calendar, same long walk back. Week in summary One duck from two fixtures — the Duck Club will take it as a breather rather than a drought, though nobody is fooled into thinking the well has run dry. The art of not scoring waits patiently for its next volunteer. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Sean Cook — 3 ducks, 5 innings (60%) 🥈 Steve Cheale — 3 ducks, 6 innings (50%) 🥉 Fred Cheesman — 3 ducks, 14 innings (21.43%) 4. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks, 20 innings (15%) 5. David Cheale — 2 ducks, 3 innings (66.67%) Sean Cook clings to top spot, but David Cheale's eye-watering 66.67% strike rate marks him as one to watch — a man of dubious distinction on the rise. The season rolls on: who'll be joining the honours board next time out? See you at the next fixture, ducks willing. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Two fixtures, two innings, five ducks — the exclusive zero club had itself a productive weekend, and it was the 1st XI doing all the collecting. Away at Horton Kirby CC (Sat 10th) 🏏 Mick Filmer fell early at 2, caught Burgham off Andy Scott — his 2nd duck of the season and 6th for the club from 71 innings, good enough for 94th on the all-time list. On this day back in 1954, Robert Muir was doing exactly the same thing, a member in good standing of the Retirement Duck club. David Iliffe followed, trapped lbw to the same bowler — his 2nd of the season and 14th career, vaulting him to a lofty 41st all-time. He's already flying the flag for Duck of the Year 1982, and this is a season that's seen him quacked by his own kin, Mike Iliffe, a fellow club member sitting on 43 career noughts himself. Keeping it in the family, one way or another. Sean Cook rounded things off at number 10, caught Scott bowled Lockyer — his 3rd duck of the season already, and 3rd of his short career from just 5 innings (a startling 60% strike rate for nought). A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his very first knock, Sean is making up for lost time. Robert Muir, 1954, watches on approvingly once more. Home to Morden Village CC (Sun 11th) 0️⃣ Jim Hall departed bowled Russell — his 2nd of the season, but a colossal 49th for his career from 306 innings, keeping him locked at a magnificent 4th on the all-time honours board. Jim's trophy cabinet reads like a museum wing: Duck of the Year 1970 and 1977, Lone Duck top ten, Tourist Duck top ten, Homebody Duck top ten, Only Two Quacks twice over, Quacking Together three times, and agonisingly one position short of the Full House. On this very day in 1967, Mike Stephens was falling for nought against West Farleigh CC in exactly the same spirit. Fred Cheesman kept him company, caught James bowled Phillips — his 3rd duck of the season and 6th career, moving to 91st all-time. Fred already holds the rare Full House, a duck at every position 1 through 11, plus his Only Two Quacks pairing with Adam Pooley. Fittingly, he shares Jim's echo from 1967 — Mike Stephens getting a busy anniversary this weekend. Week in Summary 🍩 Five ducks, two matches, one thoroughly efficient weekend's work for the 1st XI — an away double at Horton Kirby followed by a home riposte against Morden Village. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🥇 - Sean Cook — 5 innings, 3 ducks (60.0%) - Steve Cheale — 6 innings, 3 ducks (50.0%) - Fred Cheesman — 13 innings, 3 ducks (23.08%) - Malcolm Pay — 19 innings, 3 ducks (15.79%) - David Cheale — 3 innings, 2 ducks (66.67%) Sean Cook leads the charge, but with the season still to run there's everything to play for. Next fixture, gentlemen — the ducks await their next volunteers. 🦆

A slim two fixtures on the books this weekend, but the away trip to Aylesford Paper Mills CC delivered handsomely for connoisseurs of the naught — three ducks in a single innings, two of them sharing a surname. Grab a programme, the exclusive zero club has new business. 🏏 1st XI — away at Aylesford Paper Mills CC Andy Woollett went first, bowled by Tim Baker at number five for his 1st duck of the season and 6th of an already distinguished career, moving him to 82nd of 1,024 in the all-time table across 52 innings. Neat symmetry with the calendar there: on this very day in 1973, Cliff Anscombe (1957–1975, 25 career ducks, rank 24 of 1,024, Debutante Duck and 1957's Duck of the Year) was also trudging back, against Northend Sunday. Then, in a passage of play that will live long in the club's ledger of dubious distinction, the Cheale brothers went one-two down the order. Steve, at nine, was caught and bowled by D Andrews for his 3rd duck of the season — career tally now exactly 3 from just 6 innings, 165th of 1,024 all-time, a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell, and, like Andy, keeping calendar company with Cliff Anscombe's 1973 vintage. David followed at ten, stumped off Richard Gower for his 2nd of the season and 2nd of his career from a mere 4 innings — also a Retirement Duck honouree, and the third man this innings to find himself dated to that same 1973 afternoon. 🍩 Two of a Quack Brothers falling in the same innings is one of the rarest ceremonies the Duck Club offers, and Steve and David duly obliged, both back in the hutch against Aylesford Paper Mills CC. A proper sibling double — the Cheale household will want words over tea. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks from two fixtures, all concentrated in one unfortunate 1st XI innings — proof that misfortune, like Kent weather, prefers to arrive in company. No golden ducks recorded, so credit where due, everyone troubled the scorer before departing. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Steve Cheale — 3 ducks in 5 innings (60%) 2. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks in 19 innings (15.79%) 3. David Cheale — 2 ducks in 2 innings (100%) 4. Sean Cook — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50%) 5. Fred Cheesman — 2 ducks in 11 innings (18.18%) Steve Cheale sits top of the pile, though David is breathing fire from third with a flawless 100% record — perfection of a very particular kind. Next fixture awaits, and with the Cheale name now firmly on the honours board, the club watches keenly to see who joins them. 0️⃣🦆

A quiet week in the exclusive zero club, but never let it be said the ducks stood entirely idle. Two matches on the books, one victim found, and what a way to make an entrance. Midweek XI Away to Bobbing Court CC, R- Dowens walked out to bat and walked straight back — bowled D Sloan, nought to his name, in what the scorebook confirms is his very first innings for the club. A genuine arrival into the zero club, and the Debutante Duck honours board takes on its newest member the moment he's off the field. It doesn't stop there. With career ducks standing at a perfect 1 from 1, the 1982 ledger already has him filed under "One and Done" — a season's work completed in a single ball-less stroke of misfortune, 427th on the club's all-time roll of 1,023. The record-keepers, never ones to miss an opportunity for ceremony, have also pencilled him onto the Retirement Duck honours board — presumptuous of them, since nobody's said this is his last, but the paperwork likes to plan ahead. On this day in 1956, R- Robinson trod the same path, dismissed for nought against St Lukes Maidstone CC — a kindred spirit 433rd on the all-time list, proof the calendar has form for this sort of thing. The Other Fixture Elsewhere in the period, a second Midweek match came and went entirely duck-free — eleven players in, eleven runs (or more) got off the mark, and the zero club was denied its usual quota. Can't win 'em all, even in losing. Week in Summary One duck from two matches is a lean haul by Duck Club standards, but quality over quantity — a bona fide debut duck is a rare and treasured thing, and R- Dowens has announced himself to the club in the most on-brand way possible. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Sean Cook — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) - Steve Cheale — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.00%) - Fred Cheesman — 2 ducks in 9 innings (22.22%) - Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks in 17 innings (17.65%) - Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 13 innings (15.38%) Sean Cook sets the pace on pure percentage, but with the season still young there's plenty of time for the chasing pack to make their move. Next fixture, same invitation as ever — bat first, ask questions later. See you all out there. 🦆🏏

A quiet one on the poultry front this weekend — two fixtures, and only a single soul required to make the long walk back to the pavilion. Sometimes the ducks simply refuse to be caught. 🏏 Saturday 19 June Nothing to report. All batsmen present and correct, runs on the board, not so much as a whiff of a nought. Frankly suspicious. 🍩 Sunday 20 June — 1st XI v Dimanchians CC (home) Opening the innings, veteran quack-collector Paul Bowles departed early, caught J Saville off the bowling of C Cunliffe, without troubling the scorers. It's his 2nd duck of the season and — rather more weightily — his 40th in an extraordinary Linton career spanning 511 innings, keeping him lodged at a mighty 8th in the all-time standings of 1,019. A double Duck of the Year champion (1966 and 1968), a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top 10, and one half of the Only Two Quacks pairing with Adam Pooley, Bowles wears his noughts the way other men wear caps — with quiet, weathered pride. A neat footnote for the calendar-watchers: on this very day in 1970, Benny Bell — who turned out for Linton from 1966 to 1975 and finished his career on 30 ducks, 15th all-time — also strolled back for nought, against Hythe CC. The duck, it seems, keeps a diary. 📊 Week in Summary One duck from two matches is about as restrained as the Duck Club gets — barely enough for a highlights reel, let alone a Hall of Fame nomination. Still, quality over quantity: when your solitary contributor sits 8th on the all-time list, it counts for something. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — Top 5 1. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks in 17 innings (17.65%) 2. Sean Cook — 2 ducks in 2 innings (100%), a flawless record of imperfection 3. Steve Cheale — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) 4. Fred Cheesman — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25%) 5. Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 11 innings (18.18%) 🦆 Until Next Time The ducks were thin on the ground this week, but rest assured they're only regrouping. Next fixture, someone's number will surely come up — get your boots on and your excuses ready.

Three fixtures. Three results. And not a single soul required to make that long walk back to the pavilion having troubled the scorers not at all. Yes, dear readers, this week the ducks evaded capture entirely. Every batsman across the club, from opener to number eleven, found a way to get off the mark — a mild inconvenience for the Duck Club's records department, and frankly a bit of a quiet week for a page that exists to celebrate the art of not scoring. Somewhere out there, willow met leather and runs were, against all tradition, actually accumulated. We shan't pretend to be anything other than a little disappointed. Still, the exclusive zero club never closes for long, and consistency of this particular kind rarely lasts — normal service, we are confident, will resume shortly. 🏏 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — 1982 🥇 Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks in 16 innings (18.75%) — the season's current pace-setter, quietly assembling a collection while everyone else was busy avoiding the headlines this week. 🥈 Sean Cook — 2 ducks in just 2 innings (100%) — a flawless record in the very worst sense, and one that will be fascinating to watch either implode or immortalise itself. 🥉 Steve Cheale — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) — breathing hard down Sean Cook's neck, and with rather more of a sample size behind the number. 4️⃣ Fred Cheesman — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25%) — the more measured, patient route to the same unwelcome tally. 5️⃣ Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 11 innings (18.18%) — proof that you can get there steadily, one careless waft at a time. Sean Cook remains the name to watch here — two innings, two ducks, and absolutely nowhere to hide in that percentage column. Whether he can sustain a full season of triumphant failure or whether Malcolm Pay's broader body of work simply grinds him down will be one of the more compelling subplots as 1982 rolls on. 📅 Looking ahead A rare week off for the Duck Club's honours board, but nobody should get comfortable. The next fixture is exactly one careless nick, one leave that wasn't, or one full-blooded yorker away from adding a fresh name to these pages. We'll be watching. We'll be waiting. The ducks always come home to roost eventually. 🥚➡️0️⃣

Three fixtures, five ducks, and a Sheldwich lower order that formed an orderly queue back to the pavilion. Straight into it. 🏏 1st XI Saturday, away to Rumwood CC — Malcolm Pay fell b Geoff Marsh at first drop, his 3rd duck of the summer and 19th of a properly seasoned career, now 32nd of 1019 all-time. On this very day in 1973, Terry Donovan (1959–1979, 18 ducks, Duck of the Year 1964, and a Full House nearly-man) was doing exactly the same thing against Newport Fugitives — some things never change. Brother Colin Pay quietly carries a career duck of his own, so it clearly runs in the family. Sunday, away to Sheldwich CC, and the middle order rather lost its head. Jon Harris (7) went b B- Beal for his 2nd of the season and 55th career duck, good enough for 2nd on the all-time list — behind only the immortal John Thirkell, who, fittingly, was also ducking on this exact date in 1967, against Civil Service CC, Kent, on his way to a peerless 90. Harris's honours board reads like club scripture — three Duck of the Year titles, Full House, Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens among them — and keeps it in the family too, with relative Richard Harris good for 36 career blobs of his own. Next up, Sean Cook (8), also b B- Beal, for a second successive nought — 2 ducks from his only 2 innings, a flawless if inauspicious 100%. Already a paid-up Debutante Duck club member from his first-ever knock, he's now doubled down on the theme. Thirkell, naturally, was busy doing his own thing on this same day in 1967. Then the Cheale siblings arrived in tandem misfortune. Steve Cheale (9) fell b D- Elliott for his 2nd of the season, and moments later David Cheale (10) followed him out, also b D- Elliott, for his 1st — a shared collapse earning the pair a Two of a Quack entry on the honours board, brothers undone in the same innings. Both are already established names in the Retirement Duck fraternity from past farewells, though nobody is suggesting retirement is imminent. Steve moves to 2 career ducks, David to 1 — and yes, John Thirkell was ducking on this day in 1967 too. The third fixture of the period passed off refreshingly duck-free — someone, somewhere, remembered how to bat. 📊 Week in Summary Five ducks from three matches, four of them crammed into a single Sheldwich innings. The Cheale family double was undoubtedly the week's centrepiece — or lowlight, depending on your allegiance. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Malcolm Pay — 14 inns, 3 ducks (21.4%) 2. Sean Cook — 2 inns, 2 ducks (100%) 3. Steve Cheale — 3 inns, 2 ducks (66.7%) 4. Fred Cheesman — 8 inns, 2 ducks (25.0%) 5. Jon Harris — 9 inns, 2 ducks (22.2%) Sean Cook tops the percentages for now, but there's a long season left in it. Next fixture, the bowlers will be sharpening up — the Duck Club stands ready to welcome its newest members. 🦆🍩

Five fixtures this week, and the exclusive zero club kept its guest list refreshingly short — just four names added to the roll of dubious distinction. Quality, however, more than made up for quantity. Sunday 30 May — NVKC away at Weald Openers are meant to see off the shine, not the innings. Paul Bowles, in at 1, instead departed c Saunders b I- Matheson without scoring — his 1st duck of the season and 39th of a genuinely epic career spanning 503 innings. That keeps him lodged at 9th of 1019 in the all-time table, a shelf already carrying two Duck of the Year gongs (1966 and 1968), a place in the Ducks on the Road top 10, and one half of the Only Two Quacks pairing with Adam Pooley. On this very day in 1959, H Clarke was going through the identical motions against Old Williamsonians CC — one of only three in a brief 1959–1962 stay, but enough to bag him a Debutante Duck. Matheson wasn't done. At 7, Tim Thirkell fell lbw to the same bowler — and in doing so brought up his 50th career duck. A genuine milestone: full membership of the club, and a rise to 3rd of 1019 all-time, trailing only family. Fittingly so — father John Thirkell heads the entire honours board on 90, siblings Nigel (30) and Simon (3) are also paid-up members, and cousin-in-noughts Stuart (1) rounds out a proper duck dynasty. Tim's own cabinet includes Duck of the Year 1972, a Full House (duck at every position 1–11), spots in both the Homebody and Lone Duck top 10s, and Quacking Together honours with Jim Hall. H Clarke, once again, was his man for the on-this-day nod. Friday 4 June — Midweek XI at home to The Mote CC Lower-order solidarity at Nos. 8 and 9. Michael Chambers went first, bowled Bill Hickling, his 1st duck of the season and 12th of his career from 32 innings — 49th of 1019 all-time. Ian Brattle followed one place later, bowled M- Back, also his 1st of the season and, remarkably, his 12th career duck too, from 30 innings, sitting just above Chambers at 46th of 1019 — level pegging on the nought count if nothing else. Both men found the same historical company: on this day in 1981, Malcolm Pay was doing exactly this against YMCA Maidstone, one of 18 career ducks in a stint running 1965–1982. Brattle's honours board is doing some heavy lifting of its own — a fully paid member of 50 Before a 50 (51 ducks, high score a modest 33), a Debutante Duck from his very first knock, Ducks in a Row across 7 consecutive innings, and one of just two names in Only Two Quacks alongside Michael Beeney. It runs in the family too — brother Paul Brattle already carries 25 career ducks of his own. Week in Summary Four ducks, five matches, and a theme: both pairs fell in the same innings to the same bowler. No pairs, king pairs or family ducks to report this week — the ceremonial honours board takes a breather, but Tim Thirkell's half-century of failure was more than enough drama for one week. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Fred Cheesman — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.3%) 🥈 Malcolm Pay — 2 ducks in 11 innings (18.2%) 🥉 Ian Brattle — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) 4. J Dunn — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) 5. Michael Chambers — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) Plenty of season left for the standings to shuffle. Next fixture, someone's number will surely come up — 0️⃣ awaits.

Eight ducks fell across two of the weekend's four fixtures, the 1st XI doing all the honourable damage. This week's fresh inductees to cricket's most dubious fraternity, below. 🏏 Saturday 22 May — v Maidstone YMCA CC (h) Malcolm Pay opened the collapse, caught Wyles bowled Warboys, his 2nd duck of the season and 18th of a career now sitting at rank 34 of 1,019 all time. On this very date in 1955, John Abnett made a duck against Halfway House. Nick Dunham followed, bowled Warboys, his first-ever LPCC nought from just 4 innings, and already holds a place on the Retirement Duck board for whenever that day comes. Abnett, same 22 May 1955, sends his regards. Then Jon Harris, bowled Husband — no small matter, as his 54th career duck lifts him to rank 2 of 1,019, a three-time Duck of the Year (1976, 1980, 1981) and one of the few to complete the Full House, a duck at every position 1 to 11. Kinsman Richard Harris owns 36 of his own. Abnett, 1955, keeps him company on the calendar too. Sean Cook made the day's most dramatic entrance — bowled Husband for nought in his maiden senior innings, a genuine Debutante Duck straight out of the box. Abnett was up to the same trick on this date in 1955. Steve Cheale closed the innings, bowled Warboys, his first club duck from three innings and, like Dunham, already on the Retirement Duck board. Same date, same 1955 shadow. 🏏 Sunday 23 May — v Bexhill CC (h) Brian Piper ran himself out for nought, his season's first and 11th of his career, rank 48 of 1,019 — a family trait, given brother David Piper's own 6. Basil Sears made a duck on this same date in 1959, against Gore Court CC. But the day belonged to the Iliffes. In one of the rarest ceremonies the Duck Club offers, Mike Iliffe (c&b Mepham) and his child David Iliffe (c Cox b Mepham) both fell for nought in the same innings — a certified Duck and Ducklings. Mike's tally climbs to 43, good for 7th of 1,019 all time. David rises to 13 and claims the early running in the Duck of the Year 1982 standings — the board had this flagged in advance as "Quacked by Kin," and it duly arrived. Basil Sears, 1959, made his own nought on this same date. 📊 Week in Summary Eight ducks from two fixtures, the other two matches passing entirely duck-free. Maidstone YMCA lost five noughts without troubling the scorers once — practically a cull — while Bexhill contributed a rare parent-and-child duck to close the weekend in style. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Fred Cheesman — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33%) 2. Malcolm Pay — 2 ducks from 8 innings (25%) 3. J Dunn — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 4. Sean Cook — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 5. Steve Gower — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) Plenty of season left for the standings to shuffle. Next fixture will surely add a name or two — see you there. 🦆🍩

Four fixtures out on the park this week, but the exclusive zero club kept its doors mostly bolted — only one of them yielded custom, and it duly obliged with a brace. 1st XI v Maidstone YMCA CC (home, 18 May) - Mick Filmer, in at first drop, departed to a spot of Husband family teamwork — caught G. Husband, bowled Pete Husband — without troubling the scorers. It's his 1st duck of the campaign and 5th for the club from 62 innings, good for 102nd of 1016 in the all-time ledger. He keeps fine company doing it, too: on this very day back in 1957, William Blight (1953–1959, 10 career ducks, 59th all-time) was also strolling back against Gore Court CC. Some traditions never go out of fashion. - At number six, Martin Larkin fell bowled Terry Franks for his 1st duck of the season and 4th of a 28-innings career, enough for 121st on the all-time roll. Larkin is also a long-standing member of the Retirement Duck club, having once bowed out of his playing days on a nought — though today's effort is very much business as usual rather than a farewell tour. Fittingly, he shares the honours-board moment with his teammate: both men keeping step with William Blight's own duck against Gore Court, twenty-five years on almost to the week. Week in Brief Two ducks from four matches, both arriving in the same innings against Maidstone YMCA — proof, if proof were needed, that misery loves company. The other three fixtures passed entirely fowl-free, which either speaks well of the batting or poorly of the bowling, depending on where your loyalties lie. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Fred Cheesman — 5 innings, 2 ducks (40%) 2. J Dunn — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 3. J- Dunn — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 4. Steve Gower — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 5. Martin Mears — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) Early days yet in the 1982 hunt, with the podium still wide open. Next fixture will surely add to the tally — bring your bat, and bring your nerve. 🏏🦆

A quiet weekend on the quacking front, but the Duck Club never lets a fixture list go by entirely unmarked. Three matches, one duck, and a fresh face straight into the honours reckoning. 1st XI — St Lawrence & Highland Court CC (home, Saturday 9 May) Coming in at number 8, J- Dunn's first taste of senior batting ended almost as soon as it began — caught McGregor, bowled Maple, back in the shed without troubling the scorers. It's duck number one of the season and, rather more significantly, duck number one of a career that starts here — rank 369 of 1016 in the all-time list. A genuine arrival gift: the Debutante Duck board welcomes its newest member, joining the select company of those whose LPCC story begins at nought. Fittingly, the calendar was watching too — on this very day back in 1959, Brian Mills also walked back for a duck, against St Lukes Maidstone CC, on his own way into the very same Debutante Duck club (he'd go on to 4 career ducks, 108th of 1016). Twenty-three years apart, same opening chapter. The rest of the weekend Elsewhere across the three fixtures, bat generally met ball with something to show for it — the Duck Club's ledger stays admirably (or disappointingly, depending on your view) light this week. Sometimes the ducks just don't come out to play. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Fred Cheesman — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40% 2. J Dunn — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 3. J- Dunn — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 4. Steve Gower — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 5. Martin Mears — 2 innings, 1 duck, 100% Fred Cheesman sets the early pace, but with a clutch of players sat on a perfect (if unwanted) 100% strike rate for ducks, the season-long race for infamy is very much alive. Next fixture, more willow, more opportunity. The exclusive zero club never closes its doors — who's joining the queue this week? 🏏🍩0️⃣

The 1982 season is barely a week old and the exclusive zero club has already welcomed new business. Three fixtures, four ducks, and one thoroughly memorable arrival — the art of not scoring is alive and well at Linton Park. Saturday 1st May — Bidborough CC (away) Malcolm Pay departed early at first drop, caught Eddie Keates bowled J- Kerby, for the first duck of his season. His 17th career nought in 143 innings lifts him to 35th in the all-time table, level company with Robert Murray and Trevor Back, both also parked on 17. His brother Colin Pay carries one of his own, so a taste for the zero clearly runs in the Pay family blood. On this very day back in 1965, Fred Greenfield made a duck against Staplehurst CC on his way to a career 23, a Retirement Duck club man who signed off 28th all-time. Further down the order Fred Cheesman continued his season of dubious consistency, bowled T Ham for his second duck of the campaign, now 5 career ducks from just 17 innings, a poultry-thin record that holds him at 96th all-time. Fred remains a proud holder of the rare Full House, duck at every position 1 through 11, and sits in the Tourist Duck top ten alongside his Only Two Quacks pairing with Adam Pooley. Like Malcolm, he shares his on-this-day company with Fred Greenfield's 1965 vintage. Sunday 2nd May — Chestfield CC (home) Nigel Thirkell fell bowled Richard Tolson for his first duck of the year, his 30th in a marathon 402-innings career, holding at a lofty 16th all-time — genuinely elite territory. He belongs to duck-club royalty of a different kind, with the Thirkell name littered through the honours boards: father John on 90, brothers Tim on 49 and Simon on 3, and relative Stuart on 1. Nigel himself carries Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top ten membership, plus an Only Two Quacks pairing with Jim Hall. Back on this day in 1959, Frank Brattle also fell for nought, against Bearsted CC, en route to a career 38 and 9th all-time. Monday 3rd May — Bearsted CC (away) And so to the main event. J Dunn, on debut, was bowled B Lewis without troubling the scorers — a genuine first appearance in senior colours and an instant Debutante Duck. With the season still young, he already features among 1982's One and Done watch list. On this same day in 1959, Tony Tipples suffered identical fortune against Harrietsham CC, finishing his own career on 7. A tidy little haul of four ducks across three matches to open the campaign. No pairs, no family affairs this week, but plenty of honours boards dusted off in the process. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Fred Cheesman — 4 inns, 2 ducks (50%) 2. J Dunn — 1 inns, 1 duck (100%) 3. Steve Gower — 1 inns, 1 duck (100%) 4. Jim Hall — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) 5. Martin Mears — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) The season is only getting started — who's joining the club next weekend? 🏏🍩0️⃣

Season 1982 gets off the mark in the worst possible way for four unlucky souls, as the Duck Club's books open for another year of dubious distinction. 🏏 Saturday 24th — Wadhurst CC (away) The 1st XI's trip to Wadhurst yielded a brace for the home bowling, both credited to the impressively named T. Nelson. Steve Gower fell at five, caught Plumley bowled Nelson, for his 1st duck of the season and 3rd of a growing career — 165th on the all-time roll of dishonour. Steve remains a card-carrying member of the Debutante Duck club from his very first knock, and on this very day back in 1965 club legend John Thirkell — a four-time Duck of the Year and the all-time record holder on a frankly obscene 90 career ducks — was also walking back for nought, albeit against West Farleigh. Two down at seven came Fred Cheesman, bowled Nelson for his own 1st of the season and 4th career quack, 116th all-time. Fred already holds the rare Full House honour (a duck at every position from 1 to 11 — a completionist's nightmare) and sits among the club's Tourist Duck top 10 for his away-day form. Like Steve, he shares the 1965-on-this-day echo of John Thirkell's own nought. 🏏 Sunday 25th — Chatham Nomads CC (home) Sunday's home fixture against Chatham Nomads brought two more names to the ledger, and a rather fitting reunion. Jim Hall departed at four, caught Barry Martin bowled Peter Pitt, his 1st duck of the season but a colossal 48th of his career — 5th on the all-time list and edging ever closer to the exalted Hall of Fame threshold of 50. Jim's honours board reads like a small library: two Duck of the Year titles (1970, 1977), places in the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, and no fewer than five separate "Quacking Together" and "Only Two Quacks" partnerships. On this day in 1976, Trevor Back was performing his own vanishing act against Aylesford Paper Mills. Batting at seven, Martin Mears was bowled by R. Bell for his 1st duck of the season and 13th of his career, 43rd all-time. Fittingly, Martin's "Quacking Together" board partner is none other than Jim Hall himself — and with both men back in the pavilion in the very same match, the pairing has rarely felt more apt. Martin shares Jim's echo of Trevor Back's 1976 duck on this same date. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks from two matches, all falling to the 1st XI, and all in the very first week of records for this period. Wadhurst's Nelson can claim a tidy brace, while Chatham Nomads shared the spoils between two different bowlers. Jim Hall's tally now looms large over the season — watch this space. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jim Hall — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) 2. Martin Mears — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) 3. Steve Gower — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) 4. Fred Cheesman — 2 inn, 1 duck (50%) Four names, four perfect starts to the season's least wanted competition. Plenty of cricket left to separate them — or to see who else joins the queue. Next fixture, the ducks await. 🦍🏏0️⃣