🦆 The Duck Pond

Duck Hunting Season correspondent here with a rare and frankly disappointing bulletin: the ducks evaded capture entirely this week. One solitary fixture on the books, and not a single naught to show for it. Eleven players (or however many turned out) all found their way off the mark, leaving the Duck Club's nets empty and its correspondent reaching for words. A clean sheet is a fine thing in goalkeeping. In this club, it's a wasted weekend. Whether this represents a genuine outbreak of competence or simply a temporary lapse in the club's usual generosity with its wickets remains to be seen. History suggests normal service resumes shortly — the exclusive zero club rarely stays quiet for long. 🍩 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Thomas Beeney — 21 innings, 6 ducks, 28.57% 2. Richard Piper — 31 innings, 5 ducks, 16.13% 3. Will Thirkell — 25 innings, 4 ducks, 16.00% 4. Tim Wright — 32 innings, 4 ducks, 12.50% 5. Darrell Houghton-Judge — 9 innings, 3 ducks, 33.33% Thomas Beeney continues to lead the 2014 Duck of the Year race with real conviction — six ducks from just 21 innings is the kind of consistency the club holds dear, even if the scorebook disagrees. Darrell Houghton-Judge, meanwhile, keeps his percentage eye-wateringly high at over a third of innings ending in nought — a small sample, but an ominous one for anyone chasing him down. With the season drawing towards its close, there's still time for movement at the top. A quiet week is no guarantee of a quiet finish. 0️⃣ Until the ducks return — and they always do — keep your bats straight, your eyes on the ball, and your expectations appropriately low. See you at the next fixture, when normal ignominious service should, in all likelihood, resume. 🦆🏏

A quiet weekend in the exclusive zero club — only two fixtures on the go and the ducks mostly evaded the trap. But one man never lets the club down. Sunday 1st XI — away at Tenterden CC Coming in at four, Richard Piper departed bowled by Tom Richards, adding a fifth duck to his season tally and his 68th career nought — good enough to hold station at 6th of 1423 in the all-time standings. A stalwart of the honours boards, Richard's name already sits proudly among the Duck of the Year alumni (2003), the Full House club (a duck at every position, 1 to 11 — a truly comprehensive body of work), and the top tens for both Homebody and Ducks on the Road. Consistency, as they say, of a very particular kind. 0️⃣ And it appears the art of not scoring runs in the family — brother James (13 career ducks) and, going back a generation, Brian Piper (23) are both paid-up members of the same dubious tradition. A chip off the old duck egg, you might say. Fittingly, on this very date back in 1958, Stan Wratten — who turned out for the club from 1943 to 1984 and sits on 35 career ducks (26th all-time) — also trudged back for nought, against Tilling Steven of all sides. Some anniversaries are best celebrated quietly, and this one arrived right on schedule. 📊 Week in summary One duck from two matches — the flock stayed largely airborne this week. But when only one man fronts up for the club, you could do worse than Richard Piper doing the honours in style. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Thomas Beeney — 6 ducks in 21 innings (28.57%) 2. Richard Piper — 5 ducks in 30 innings (16.67%) 3. Will Thirkell — 4 ducks in 24 innings (16.67%) 4. Tim Wright — 4 ducks in 32 innings (12.5%) 5. Darrell Houghton-Judge — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.33%) Thomas Beeney holds firm at the top, but Darrell's blistering 33% strike rate in a smaller sample suggests he's one bad shot away from a serious late charge. 🏏 The season isn't done with us yet — next fixture, next opportunity for the zero club to welcome new members. Pads on, bat straight, eyes on the honours board. 🦆🍩

As the 2014 season creaks toward its close, the Duck Club found time for one last flourish of failure. Three matches were played across the closing days of the campaign, and Meopham CC's Harry Tompkins did his level best to single-handedly keep the honours board ticking over, claiming two Linton wickets for two identical noughts in the very same innings. 🏏 2nd XI v Meopham CC (13 September, away) Batting at 8, Darrell Houghton-Judge fell to Tompkins without troubling the scorers — his third duck of the season, and third of an increasingly consistent career. That draws him level with Daniel McCarthy, who played 2006–1907… make that 2006–2007, and needed 19 innings to reach the same total where Darrell has managed it in just 10. Darrell remains a nearly-man of the exclusive Full House club, having ducked at 10 of his 11 career batting positions — a place of dubious distinction indeed. One ball later and one place down the order, Tobey Castle followed his teammate straight back to the pavilion, also bowled Tompkins, for his second duck of the season and his second in senior cricket. That's level with Alan Probert, who reached the same tally in just two innings across 2008–2009 and is enshrined among the club's Retirement Duck alumni, his own farewell innings a duck to match. Tobey, meanwhile, bats in the long shadow of parent David Castle's rather more prolific 45 career noughts — a chip off the old block if ever there was one. 📋 Week in Summary Only two ducks fell across three matches this week, both to the same bowler, in the same innings, one place apart in the order — proof that Tompkins earned his tea rather more comfortably than most visitors manage at Linton Park. A quiet week for the club numerically, but a memorable one for its sheer economy. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Thomas Beeney — 6 ducks in 20 innings (30%) - Will Thirkell — 4 ducks in 22 innings (18.18%) - Richard Piper — 4 ducks in 28 innings (14.29%) - Tim Wright — 4 ducks in 31 innings (12.9%) - Darrell Houghton-Judge — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.33%) Darrell's fresh addition this week nudges him straight into the season's top five on a startling 33% strike rate — the sort of consistency of a very particular kind that ought to worry the four names above him. As the season winds down, the Duck Club watches on, ever hopeful a few more batsmen find their way into the zero club before the covers go on for winter. Triumph through adversity, as ever. 🦆🍩

Four fixtures on the books this weekend and the zero club still found its way onto the honours boards. Three ducks recorded, all falling on Saturday afternoon, with Sunday's fixtures politely declining to add to the tally. Saturday — 1st XI v Sheldwich CC Ryan Boyns departed for nought at number 4, caught Matt Smyth bowled James Creed. His 1st duck of the season nudges him to 12 career ducks from 95 innings, 101st in the all-time list of 1423 — a tally shared precisely with Gareth Davies, who reached the same dozen in 77 innings between 2003 and 2013 (and picked up a Diamond Duck along the way in 2010). Staying in the family, Ryan's father Alan Boyns carries 22 career ducks of his own and brother Sam a tidy 6 — evidently a household that takes its noughts seriously. Saturday — 2nd XI v Betsham CC A grim afternoon away at Betsham brought two additions. Chris Newman fell at number 4, caught Ian Stickels bowled Adam McKay, his 1st of the season and 31st career duck in 195 innings — level with Matthew Carter (2002–2014, 241 innings), who reached the same total on his way to a Duck of the Year gong in 2004. Chris's father Clive Newman sits on 17 career ducks of his own, so the trait looks hereditary. Adam McKay wasn't finished — Ray Dixon followed at number 6, lbw, his 2nd of the season and 22nd career duck from 86 innings, holding steady at 59th on the all-time list. Ray already has a Duck of the Year 2007 to his name and now draws level on 22 with Alan Boyns (1986–2013, 218 innings) — the very same total, curiously, carried by Ryan Boyns's own father earlier in this report. Week in Summary Three ducks from four matches, all claimed by Betsham and Sheldwich bowlers in one busy Saturday session — Sunday's sides kept their noughts strictly to themselves. No pairs, no family affairs this time, just honest toil in the art of not scoring. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🥇 1. Thomas Beeney — 6 ducks / 19 inns (31.6%) 2. Will Thirkell — 4 ducks / 20 inns (20.0%) 3. Richard Piper — 4 ducks / 28 inns (14.3%) 4. Tim Wright — 4 ducks / 29 inns (13.8%) 5. Jordan Austin — 3 ducks / 15 inns (20.0%) Thomas Beeney still leads by a distance — can anyone reel him in before the season closes? The zero club never sleeps for long, so bring your bats to the next fixture and try not to join the queue. 🍩0️⃣🦆

A modest but perfectly formed haul this week: six ducks across four matches, with Headcorn CC doing the damage to both our top two sides in one afternoon. 1st XI v Headcorn CC (home) - Kevin Presneill fell for nought at number two, caught Barry Curtis off Pete Sparks after three deliveries of resistance. His 2nd of the season and 21st career duck draws him level with Dave Todd (1978–2014), also on 21 — two men separated by three and a half decades, united in nought. Presneill's own kin Nat Presneill already carries 12 career ducks, so the family clearly knows the drill. - Craig Sands followed at four, caught Tom Rainsley-Hughes off Barry Curtis, for his 2nd of the season and 24th career duck. On this very day back in 1965, against Bearsted CC no less, Frank Brattle was doing exactly the same thing en route to 38. - At number 11 Martin Harris chipped in with his 3rd of the season, taken by the same Rainsley-Hughes off Trevor Twohig, moving to 16 career ducks — a Duck of the Year winner back in 2011 and now level with Adam Jackson (2001–2014) on the same tally. Harris's father Jon Harris sits top of the entire all-time list with 92, so there's a high bar in the household. 2nd XI v Headcorn CC (away) - Will Thew was bowled by Chris Fisher for his 3rd of the season, moving to 20 career ducks — a Debutante Duck and Duck of the Year 2012 alumnus. Like his teammates up the road, he now keeps company with Frank Brattle's 1965 vintage, ducking on this same calendar date against the very same Bearsted CC. Midweek XI v The Mote CC (home) - Thomas Beeney continued his extraordinary campaign, caught Gamindu Kanishka off Robert Adams at number seven for his 6th duck of the season and 32nd of his career — comfortably clear at the top of the current Duck Hunting Season standings and the man to catch for Duck of the Year 2014. A Debutante Duck and Ducks on the Road top-tenner, Beeney shares this very date in 1972 with Benny Bell's duck against Staplehurst CC. His own kin Michael Beeney sits on 37 career ducks, so perhaps it's genetic. - Darrell Houghton-Judge joined him in the book at number eight, caught William Thirkell off the same Robert Adams, for his 2nd duck of the season and career alike — level with Alan Probert (2008–2009) on the identical tally. Houghton-Judge remains agonisingly short of Full House status, having now ducked in 10 of the 11 batting positions. Week in Summary Six ducks from four matches, with Headcorn CC clearly relishing their visit to Linton Park — three of this week's six fell to their bowlers alone. No pairs and no family affairs this time, just honest, workmanlike failure all round. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Thomas Beeney — 6 ducks, 18 innings (33.3%) 2. Will Thirkell — 4 ducks, 19 innings (21.1%) 3. Tim Wright — 4 ducks, 27 innings (14.8%) 4. Richard Piper — 4 ducks, 28 innings (14.3%) 5. Jordan Austin — 3 ducks, 14 innings (21.4%) Beeney's grip on the crown looks vice-like, but there's plenty of cricket left to play. Bring your bat, bring your luck, and we'll see who joins the exclusive zero club next time out 🦆🍩

Four fixtures out on the park this weekend and the Duck Club kept things refreshingly restrained — just the two additions to the ledger, both arriving courtesy of the ever-reliable Thirkell dynasty. Saturday's sides, for once, kept their heads down and their bats occupied. Sunday had other ideas. 🏏 Sunday 1st XI — away to Great Chart CC Will Thirkell strode out at four and departed rather tamely, caught James Ainsley bowled Joe Cunningham. It's his 4th duck of the season and the 22nd of a career now standing at 181 innings — good enough for 59th on the all-time list, a place of genuinely dubious distinction. Will draws level on that exact tally with club stalwart Alan Boyns, who played from 1986 to 2013 across 218 innings and ranks one spot higher at 57th, complete with his own Diamond Duck honour from 1990 for departing without troubling the bowler at all. Will's surname does a lot of heavy lifting in these pages too — the Thirkell clan boasts career tallies running from 1 right up into the 90s, a genuine production line of the art of not scoring. 🏏 Sunday 2nd XI — home to Holborough Anchorians CC Not to be outdone, Christopher Thirkell fell in the same position, caught Nicky Rodgers bowled Richard Banfield, for his 1st duck of the season and his 26th overall from 144 innings, edging him to 43rd in the all-time standings. Christopher is a paid-up name on the honours board already — Duck of the Year back in 2005, and a Full House nearly-man, having ducked in ten of the eleven batting positions and presumably eyeing that last elusive slot with grim determination. He joins Daniel Thirkell on exactly 26 career ducks, a man who racked his up across a marathon 423 innings between 1993 and 2014 and sits proudly in the Tourist Duck top 10 for his troubles. Two Thirkells, two grounds, one weekend — the family name really does travel. 📋 Week in Summary Two ducks from four matches is a quiet return by Duck Club standards, but quality over quantity — both fell at the same batting position, both to catches, and both wearing the same surname. Make of that what you will. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks, 16 innings, 31.25% 2. Will Thirkell — 4 ducks, 19 innings, 21.05% 3. Richard Piper — 4 ducks, 26 innings, 15.38% 3. Tim Wright — 4 ducks, 26 innings, 15.38% 5. Jordan Austin — 3 ducks, 12 innings, 25.0% Thomas Beeney holds a firm grip at the top, but with Will Thirkell adding another this weekend the gap is narrowing nicely. 0️⃣🥇 Next weekend brings fresh fixtures and, in all likelihood, fresh victims. The exclusive zero club never sleeps — come and add your name to the honours board. 🦆🍩

Five fixtures out this week, and it took until Sunday for the noughts to show themselves — the Saturday sides, whatever they got up to, kept their heads down and their bails intact throughout. Sunday, naturally, could not resist. Sunday 1st XI v Benenden CC - Will Thirkell, bowled by William Huish, picks up his 3rd duck of the season and climbs to 21 career ducks, 62nd on the all-time list. One name among a small nation of Thirkells already in the club (Nigel among them, having fathered this one straight into the bloodline), and on this very date in 1957 patriarch John Thirkell was doing precisely the same thing against Bowaters CC. - Joshua Knowler, bowled by Reuben Collingwood, notches his 3rd of the season and 18th career visit to the pavilion early — a name already carrying a Duck of the Year 2010 gong and, that same year, the indignity of being Quacked by Kin by Andrew Knowler. He draws level with Russell Baldwin (1988-2006), who needed 208 innings to reach 18 where Joshua managed it in 125 — and keeps it in the family regardless, relative Richard Knowler sitting on 10 career ducks of his own. - Two brand new names went straight onto the Honours Board. Jacob Ryan, caught off William Huish via Reuben Collingwood, and George Taylor, caught Thompson bowled Brunt, both introduced themselves to senior cricket with a Debutante Duck apiece — first innings, first entry into club folklore. Fittingly, both join Percy Brattle (1934-1973) on the this-day-in-1969 register, proving some traditions never go out of fashion. Sunday 2nd XI v Chelsfield Park CC - Tim Wright, caught off Dan Mehigan, picks up his 4th duck of the season and 13th of his career, drawing level with Glen Rawson (2005-2014, 13 ducks in 223 innings). Keeping it in the family too — relative Adam Wright already carries 6 of his own. - Dave Todd, bowled by Jeremy Carrett, adds his 1st of the season and climbs to 21 career ducks, good for 59th all-time. Like the Benenden new boys, he shares his date with Percy Brattle's 1969 vintage. The Week in Brief Six ducks from five fixtures — a fairly restrained haul by Duck Club standards, though two brand new members inducted straight onto the honours board is no small thing. No pairs, no king pairs, no family affairs this week — everyone limited themselves to a single visit to the crease and back. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🏆 - Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks / 16 inns (31%) - Richard Piper — 4 ducks / 24 inns (17%) - Tim Wright — 4 ducks / 24 inns (17%) - Jordan Austin — 3 ducks / 12 inns (25%) - Joshua Knowler — 3 ducks / 18 inns (17%) Thomas Beeney holds firm at the summit, the season's most concentrated form of failure. Plenty of cricket left for someone to catch him. Next fixtures loom, and with them the certainty that someone, somewhere, will walk off without troubling the scorers. The Duck Club awaits, as ever, with open wings. 🦆

Two fixtures took to the field this weekend and, remarkably, not a single member of Linton Park troubled the Duck Club's admissions desk. All batsmen present and correct, all departing having laid bat on ball at least once. A quiet weekend for the exclusive zero club — the art of not scoring was, for once, not practised by anyone. Whether this was superb application, generous bowling, or simply the ducks going to ground for the close season run-in, the committee cannot say. What we can say is that the season standings remain exactly where we left them, undisturbed by any fresh nominations. 🍩 A Fowl-Free Weekend Both sides got through their innings unscathed by the dreaded nought. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs to report — just runs, glorious runs, scored by everyone who walked to the middle. Frankly, a little disappointing for those of us who enjoy the finer print of failure, but the Duck Club will take the rest. Even the keenest collectors need a bye week. Let it not be said the season has gone soft, though — with the top of the table locked in a real ding-dong, it can only be a matter of time before someone obliges. 0️⃣ Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks from 14 innings (35.71%) 2. Richard Piper — 4 ducks from 23 innings (17.39%) 3. Jordan Austin — 3 ducks from 10 innings (30.00%) 4. Mark Christmas — 3 ducks from 16 innings (18.75%) 5. Tim Wright — 3 ducks from 22 innings (13.64%) Thomas Beeney leads the way with a fearsome 35.71% strike rate for nought — a genuine contender for Duck of the Year should form hold. Jordan Austin isn't far behind on percentage terms either, so nobody at the top should be getting comfortable. 🏏 Looking Ahead A rare weekend where the ducks well and truly evaded capture. Normal service will no doubt resume shortly — the Duck Club's nets are patient, and Linton Park's top order rarely stays disciplined for long. See you all next fixture, bats (hopefully) troubled. 🦆

Five matches, seven ducks, and one full house of family ignominy this week. The exclusive zero club has been busy. Saturday 2 August 🏏 1st XI v Meopham CC — Mark Christmas fell for his 3rd duck of the season and 29th of a storied career, good for 39th all-time of 1421, caught Fotheringham off Innes. A Duck of the Year alumnus (2008) and the board's eternal nearly-man, stuck on 10 of 11 positions in the Full House reckoning. On this very day in 1944, E- Humphreys made the identical walk against the National Fire Service Overseas Contingent. 🏏 2nd XI v Meopham CC — Nat Presneill, caught Tompkins off Wiltshire, brought up his 2nd duck of the season and 12th of his career, 98th all-time. A Debutante Duck of old and Duck of the Year 2013, he also carries the Quack-to-Quack and Retirement Duck boards from a past farewell — happily still opening the batting today. Kinsman Kevin Presneill sits on 20 career ducks of his own. E- Humphreys (1944) keeps him company on this date too. Sunday 3 August 🏏 Sunday 2nd XI v Selling CC — Joel Attwood, lbw to Nick Myers, notched his 2nd duck of the season and 2nd of his career, drawing level with Alan Probert (2008–09), another Debutante-and-Retirement double act. Last man Jon Harris followed him back — his 91st career duck, a comfortable 1st of 1421 all-time — matching Gordon Fenner's effort on this same date back in 1952. Tuesday 5 August 🏏 Midweek XI v Bexley CC — Tim Wright, bowled by Sam Crawford after 5 balls, made his 3rd duck of the season and 12th of his career, 100th all-time — echoing Ernest Cruttenden's 1895 duck against Rochester CC. Then the rarest ceremony the club offers: a Duck and Ducklings. Martin Harris, caught off Crawford for 2, brought up his 2nd duck of the season and 15th of his career, level with Ian Hollingworth (2004–14) — before his fellow Harris in the family line, Jon Harris, followed two balls later. Jon's 92nd career duck stretches his commanding all-time lead and completes a grim pair for the week, bookending Sunday's Selling CC blob. Four Duck of the Year titles (1976, 1980, 1981, 1999), a completed Full House, and places on the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens sit behind that name — nearly all his own. Ernest Cruttenden (1895) rides along with him again too. The Week in Nought Seven ducks in five days, headlined by the club's first Duck and Ducklings of the year and a rare pair for Jon Harris. Bexley CC alone accounted for three of the seven. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks/14 inns (35.7%) 2. Richard Piper — 4/22 (18.2%) 3. Jordan Austin — 3/10 (30.0%) 4. Mark Christmas — 3/15 (20.0%) 5. Tim Wright — 3/21 (14.3%) Next fixture beckons — pads on, bails ready, the zero club never rests. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A quiet weekend on the duck-hunting front — just the two fixtures and a single nought to show for it. Sometimes the ducks simply refuse to come out of hiding. 🏏 Sunday 1st XI v Bilsington CC Jordan Austin, in at first wicket down, fell ct Andy Robinson b Danny Samson — a smart bit of work in the field that leaves Jordan on the wrong side of the scorebook once again. It's his 3rd duck of the 2014 campaign and the 9th of an increasingly well-stocked career from 61 innings, good enough for 123rd of 1418 in the all-time standings. A fully paid-up member of both the Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top 10s, so at least this one came on comfortingly familiar turf. He now sits level on 9 career ducks with Jamie Ratcliffe, who plied his trade 2008–2013 across 59 innings and even claimed Duck of the Year honours in 2009 — kindred spirits in the art of not scoring, separated only by a few seasons. And the failing clearly runs in the family: brother Benjamin carries 5 career ducks of his own, with father Mark chipping in one for good measure. A proper poultry farm, the Austins. 📋 Week in Summary One duck from two matches — about as quiet as the Duck Club gets. Still, Jordan's third of the season keeps him firmly in the mix as the chase for 2014 honours heats up, even as the rest of the county stubbornly kept hold of their bats. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks / 12 innings (41.67%) - Richard Piper — 4 ducks / 20 innings (20.00%) - Jordan Austin — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) - Stewart Morrison — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) - Jack Gwynn — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.00%) Thomas Beeney holds a slender lead at the top, but with Jordan closing and Stewart's frankly alarming 66.67% strike rate lurking, nothing is settled. Roll on the next fixture — the ducks, no doubt, will be waiting. 🦆🍩

A quiet weekend for the executioners of Linton Park, but the Duck Club never truly closes its doors — and Saturday's trip to Lenham was enough to keep the lights on. 🏏 1st XI — away at Lenham CC Daniel Thirkell strode out at first wicket down and lasted all of two deliveries before Tom Curtis had him lbw — not quite golden, but no one's handing out medals for surviving one ball longer. It's Daniel's 1st duck of the campaign and the 26th of an already formidable career spanning 418 innings, lodging him at a very respectable 43rd of 1418 in the all-time roll of shame. He also carries membership of the Tourist Duck top 10 — a standing honour for a man who, it seems, is just as capable of getting out on the road as he is at home. He joins Paul Brattle — who played from 1969 to 2008 and finished on the same 26 ducks from 308 innings, sitting one place above at 45th — on the exclusive tally of 26. Different eras, identical arithmetic. Cricket's version of poetry. And spare a thought for the surname itself — Daniel is merely the latest entrant from an entire duck dynasty. Between him and his relatives the family has racked up a genuinely absurd communal total: Nigel Thirkell alone sits on 60, Tim and John Thirkell are up in the high 80s, Simon on 59, Christopher on 25, Will on 20 — the Thirkells aren't so much a cricketing family as a Duck Club franchise. Consistency, it seems, really does run in the blood. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, one duck — the ducks mostly evaded capture this week, staying well hidden everywhere except a Lenham back garden. Modest pickings, but the season's big guns are still circling and there's plenty of cricket left for the tally to swell. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks in 12 innings (41.67%) - Richard Piper — 4 ducks in 19 innings (21.05%) - Stewart Morrison — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) - Jack Gwynn — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40.0%) - Jordan Austin — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25.0%) Stewart Morrison's 66.67% strike rate remains the most alarming statistic in the club — two failures from three attempts is the kind of "consistency of a very particular kind" the Duck Club was built to honour. 🦆 The season rolls on, and with every fixture comes fresh opportunity for glorious failure. Bring your bats, gentlemen — the ducks are watching, and so are we.

Four fixtures, six unfortunate departures, and the exclusive zero club welcomed its usual mixed bag of veterans and hopefuls this week. Onward, into the art of not scoring. Saturday 12th July — 2nd XI v Meopham CC - Tim Wright fell caught at slip off Harry Tompkins, his 2nd duck of the season and 11th of a career now 222 innings deep, good for 108th on the all-time list. On this day back in 1964, Len Conway was doing exactly the same against Claributs Circus, en route to a Debutante Duck of his own. - Tobey Castle followed, caught off Darren Deeks for his very first LPCC nought — just 1 from 3 innings, 655th in the all-time table. He joins Howard on the same solitary tally, a member of 2006's One and Done club, though Tobey's family name is well established elsewhere in the ledger: his relative David Castle already carries 45 career ducks. - Nat Presneill was stumped off Deeks for his 11th career duck, his season opener. Nat is a paid-up Debutante Duck, Duck of the Year 2013, and — presumptively, one day — a Quack-to-Quack club member should his career end on a nought as it began. On this same date in 1959, none other than John Ames was falling for nought against Tovil, en route to 49 career ducks and a place among the club's honoured elite. Sunday 13th July — Sunday 1st XI v Blue House CC, Kent - Will Thirkell was caught for his 2nd duck of the season and 20th of his career, 63rd on the all-time roll. The Thirkell name needs no introduction to the Duck Club — relatives John (90), Tim (89), Nigel (60) and Simon (59) tower over the honours board, making Will's contribution a modest but dutiful instalment in a proud family tradition. He now sits level with Dave Todd, who reached the same 20 in 233 innings between 1978 and 2013. Wednesday 16th July — Midweek XI v Lord Cornwallis XI - Thomas Beeney was bowled by A Hill for his 5th duck of the season, taking him to 31 career ducks and 31st on the all-time list. With five already this term, Thomas leads the current Duck of the Year race outright — and sits level on career ducks with Matthew Carter, who also claimed 31 en route to his own Duck of the Year in 2004. - Sam Boyns was caught off the same bowler for his 6th career duck, level with Adam Wright's tally from 2011-12. The Boyns bloodline is well represented in the club: father Alan carries 22 career ducks and brother Ryan 11 — a proper family enterprise in the art of not scoring. Week in Summary Six ducks across four fixtures, with Meopham CC proving the most fertile hunting ground, claiming three scalps in a single innings. No pairs, no golden ducks, no family doubles this week — just steady, honest attrition. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Thomas Beeney — 5 ducks, 12 innings (41.67%) - Richard Piper — 4 ducks, 19 innings (21.05%) - Stewart Morrison — 2 ducks, 3 innings (66.67%) - Jack Gwynn — 2 ducks, 5 innings (40.0%) - Jordan Austin — 2 ducks, 8 innings (25.0%) Thomas Beeney sets the pace, but with the season still in full swing there's plenty of time for a late surge. Next fixture, same story — bat in hand, fate undecided. See you at the crease. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A quieter weekend in the exclusive zero club — Saturday's four sides kept remarkably clean bats, but Sunday duly restored order with four names added to the ledger. Sunday 1st XI v Beckenham CC (h) Darrell Houghton-Judge fell at nine, bowled by Chris Harris, for his first-ever LPCC duck — career tally moves to a tidy 1 from just 5 innings, ranking him 459th of 1418 in the all-time roll of dishonour. Darrell is also a paid-up Full House nearly-man, having ducked at ten of the eleven batting positions — position nine now joins the collection, one shy of the full set. He pulls level with - Howard, who played a single game for the club back in 2006, made his one and only appearance a duck, and thereby collected Debutante Duck, One and Done and Retirement Duck in the same glorious afternoon. Darrell has time yet to avoid quite such a tidy finish. Thomas Beeney followed at ten, bowled by Mark Twaddell — his 4th duck of the season and 30th of an illustrious career spanning 159 innings, 37th on the all-time list. A card-carrying Debutante Duck man and Ducks on the Road top-tenner, Thomas is also very much live in this year's Duck of the Year race. He draws level on 30 career ducks with Chris Newman, who compiled the same tally across 187 innings between 2002 and 2014. Michael Beeney, a fellow club member and relative, sits on 37 career ducks of his own — evidently a family trait. Sunday 2nd XI v West Peckham CC (a) Will Thew was bowled by E Pearce at first drop, his 2nd duck of the season and 19th of his career from 124 innings — 64th all-time. A former Duck of the Year champion back in 2012, Will joins Will Thirkell on the same tally of 19, achieved across 177 innings between 2008 and 2014. Matthew Gladwell followed soon after, also bowled by E Pearce — evidently having the measure of the West Peckham top order. His first duck of the season takes him to 4 for his career from 22 innings, 203rd all-time. He matches -Matthew Ward, who reached the same total in just 10 innings across 2011-12 — Matthew has rather more padding round his tally by comparison. Week in summary Four ducks from four matches, all arriving on Sunday — the Saturday sides put in a suspiciously disciplined shift. Spare a thought for West Peckham's E Pearce, who accounted for both 2nd XI scalps inside the same innings. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Thomas Beeney — 10 inns, 4 ducks, 40.0% - Richard Piper — 17 inns, 4 ducks, 23.53% - Stewart Morrison — 3 inns, 2 ducks, 66.67% - Jack Gwynn — 5 inns, 2 ducks, 40.0% - Jordan Austin — 7 inns, 2 ducks, 28.57% Thomas Beeney sits proudly atop the pile — can anyone catch him before the season's out? Roll on next weekend, when the naughty noughts will surely be back in business. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Five fixtures, seven visits to the crease that ended in embarrassment, and one genuine golden nought. The exclusive zero club had a busy week — pull up a chair. Saturday 28 June 🏏 1st XI v Boughton & Eastwell CC (h) - Kevin Presneill dug in for 15 balls at four before being taken ct Miller b Carney — proof that even a slow death still counts. His 20th career duck (62nd of 1418 all-time) sits him level with Dave Todd, who reached the same mark across 1978–1963. A Presneill family trait too, with kin Nat Presneill carrying 10 career noughts of his own. - Thomas Beeney (ct Thomas b Gray, 5 balls, no.10) notched his 3rd of the season and 29th career — 38th all-time. A card-carrying Debutante Duck member and, with "Duck of the Year 2014" already on his board, very much the one to catch this season. On this day in 1975, against Tilling Steven, Phil Hickman was similarly indisposed. 🏏 2nd XI v West Farleigh CC (a) - Richard Piper — opening the innings, no less — went lbw b Brooke for his 4th of 2014, moving to 67 career ducks and 6th all-time. Duck of the Year 2003, Full House, and a fixture of both the Homebody and Lone Duck top 10s. Keeping it in the family: dad Brian (23) and brother James (13) both know the feeling. Also on this day in 1975, Phil Hickman was falling to Tilling Steven. - Will Thew (b Brooke, no.3) recorded his first duck of the season and 18th career — 68th all-time — level with Russell Baldwin (1988–2006). Another Debutante Duck alumnus and Duck of the Year 2012. Sunday 29 June 🏏 Sunday 1st XI v Higham & Mockbeggar CC (h) - 0️⃣ Golden duck for Jordan Austin — first ball, bowled Philip Jack, no waiting around. His 2nd of the season, 8th career, level with Carl Davis (1994–2009). It runs in the blood: sibling Benjamin (5) and Mark Austin (1) both fellow members. 🏏 Sunday 2nd XI v Frindsbury CC (a) - Jack Gwynn (lbw b Gracey, no.6) reached 2 for the season and 6 career, level with -Adam Wright (2011–12). - Tim Thirkell (ct Palmer b Gracey, no.10) added his 1st of the season and 89th career — 3rd all-time, behind only the family patriarchs. Duck of the Year 1972, Full House, Homebody and Lone Duck royalty. The Thirkell name is practically its own honours board: father John (90), brothers Nigel (60) and Simon (59), plus Daniel and Christopher (25 apiece), Will (19), Tom and Stuart (1 each). On this day in 2003 v Clarion CC, none other than Richard Piper — Saturday's own — was also walking back for nought. 🍩 Week in summary Seven ducks from five matches, headlined by Jordan Austin's golden effort and Tim Thirkell quietly extending an already legendary dynasty. No pairs and no family doubles this week — the ducks kept to themselves for once. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Richard Piper — 16 inn, 4 ducks (25%) 2. Thomas Beeney — 9 inn, 3 ducks (33.33%) 3. Stewart Morrison — 3 inn, 2 ducks (66.67%) 4. Jack Gwynn — 4 inn, 2 ducks (50%) 5. Jordan Austin — 6 inn, 2 ducks (33.33%) Same time next fixture, same dubious honour up for grabs. Get out there and give the Duck Club something to write about. 🦆

Four fixtures went down on the fixture list this week, but only one of them opened its doors to the exclusive zero club. Step forward the Twenty20 side, who conspired to lose three batsmen without troubling the scorers in the home dead-rubber against Meopham CC on the 25th. A place of dubious distinction indeed. 🏏 Twenty20 v Meopham CC (home) Batting at five, Adam Jackson departed caught David Pollard bowled Andrew Powney for his 2nd duck of the season and 16th of an increasingly decorated career — good enough for 75th on the all-time list. He now sits shoulder to shoulder with Iain Rawson, who racked up the same 16 across a 2006–2013 stint. Consistency of a very particular kind runs in the family too — brother Rob Jackson isn't far behind on 13 career noughts of his own. At nine, Joshua Knowler was bowled by Miles Richardson for his 2nd of the season and 17th career duck, edging him to 70th all-time and drawing level with Clive Newman, who took a leisurely 371 innings across 1992–2012 to reach the same total. Josh is, of course, a paid-up Duck of the Year alumnus from 2010 — the same year he was famously "Quacked by Kin" courtesy of Andrew Knowler — proper family pedigree there, further reinforced by parent Richard Knowler's own 10 career ducks. Rounding things off at ten, Martin Harris was bowled by Adam Roxburgh for a maiden season duck and 14th of his career, good for 83rd all-time. On this very day back in 1978, Malcolm Pay was doing much the same against Marden CC, Kent — some traditions never die. Martin still proudly wears the Duck of the Year 2011 title, and comes from strong stock — father Jon Harris carries a staggering 90 career ducks of his own, a genuine club institution. 📋 Week in Summary Three ducks, one unfortunate top-to-middle-order collapse, and Meopham CC doing the damage all on their own. The other three fixtures this period kept their scorecards refreshingly (or disappointingly, depending on your allegiance) fowl-free. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Richard Piper — 14 inns, 3 ducks (21.43%) - Stewart Morrison — 3 inns, 2 ducks (66.67%) - Adam Jackson — 6 inns, 2 ducks (33.33%) - Thomas Beeney — 8 inns, 2 ducks (25.00%) - Mark Christmas — 9 inns, 2 ducks (22.22%) Stewart Morrison's blistering 66.67% strike rate is one to watch — triumph through adversity if ever there was. Next round of fixtures awaits, and the ducks, as ever, will be circling. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A quiet week by Duck Club standards — just the one fixture troubling the scorers — but what it lacked in volume it made up for in quality. All three noughts of the week arrived in a single innings, as Linton's 1st XI travelled to Milstead CC and left three names better acquainted with the art of not scoring. 🏏 Saturday 14th — 1st XI away at Milstead CC First to fall was Richard Piper, undone first ball — ct Steve Day b Elliott Buckner — for a proper golden duck. It's his third of the season and the 66th of an extraordinary career, keeping him anchored at a mighty #6 of 1418 in the all-time standings. Richard already carries the Duck of the Year 2003 crown along with membership of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, plus the rare Full House — a duck at every position 1 to 11. A collector's item of a collector. On this very day back in 1970, Mick Filmer (1969–1993) was also walking back for nought, against Bobbing Court CC — kindred spirits sixty-four years apart. Next in was Tim Wright, bowled by Michael Yates after a defiant 8 balls at the crease — no golden duck here, just a slow, dignified surrender. It's his first duck of the season and 10th of his career from 216 innings, sitting him at #115 of 1418. He joins Jack Jenner, who reached the same tally of 10 across 53 innings between 2003 and 2008 before bowing out — a Retirement Duck club member. Tim's own duck-collecting bloodline continues too, with -Adam Wright already sat on 6 career noughts of his own. Rounding things off was Thomas Beeney, bowled by -L Whitehouse for 6 balls of resistance. It's his second duck of the season and 28th career-wide, vaulting him to #40 of 1418. Thomas is a paid-up Debutante Duck club member from a past first-innings nought, sits proudly on the Ducks on the Road top 10, and is the current holder of the Duck of the Year 2014 honour — the race is very much his to lose. He draws level on 28 career ducks with Mark Christmas, who reached the same mark across 310 innings between 2002 and 2014. Fittingly, Thomas also has poultry in the family, with Michael Beeney sitting on 37 career ducks of his own. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks, one match, one thoroughly productive Milstead pitch. All fell away from home, all in the top half of the order or thereabouts — proof, if any were needed, that the zero club welcomes openers and middle order alike. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — top 5 1. Richard Piper — 12 inns, 3 ducks (25.0%) 2. Stewart Morrison — 3 inns, 2 ducks (66.67%) 3. Thomas Beeney — 7 inns, 2 ducks (28.57%) 4. Mark Christmas — 8 inns, 2 ducks (25.0%) 5. Joel Attwood — 1 inn, 1 duck (100.0%) Stewart Morrison's 66.67% remains the most alarming strike rate in the club, while Joel Attwood has gone straight to a perfect record — one innings, one duck, nowhere to go but down. 🦆 The zero club never sleeps. Next fixture, next innings, next name on the board — see you there.

Four fixtures, three ducks, and a week that proved the art of not scoring never truly rests. 🌱 Saturday 7th June A quiet one on the Saturday circuit — the fixture passed entirely duck-free. Even the exclusive zero club takes the odd day off. 🏏 Sunday 8th June — Double Trouble The 1st XI were at Mersham Sports CC, where opener Will Thirkell fell first up, caught Edward Wright bowled Sam Burton. It's his 1st duck of the season and 19th of a fine career spanning 171 innings, holding him at 64th on the all-time list — level on the nose with Kevin Presneill, who took rather longer about his 19, across 232 innings between 2001 and 2014. Will keeps it in the family besides: father Nigel Thirkell is a Duck of the Year winner in his own right on 60 career ducks, so the apple hasn't nicked far from the tree. Over at New Ifield CC, the 2nd XI's Joshua Knowler edged behind for nought at number six, caught David Homewood bowled Nick Bodle. His 1st of the season brings him to 16 career ducks, 75th all-time, drawing level with Iain Rawson, who reached the same 16 across 135 innings between 2006 and 2013. Josh already carries a Duck of the Year title from 2010 — and, rather less flatteringly, a Quacked by Kin credit from the same season courtesy of Andrew Knowler. Father Richard Knowler chips in with 10 career ducks of his own — plainly a family that backs itself against the new ball and loses with panache. ⚡ Tuesday 10th June — Twenty20 at Rumwood The short format offered no sanctuary. Richard Piper departed at number six, caught John Burbridge bowled Quintin Joubert, for his 2nd duck of the season — number 65 in a mighty 582-innings career, keeping him a rarefied 6th on the all-time table. Richard's trophy cabinet of dubious honour is already groaning: Duck of the Year 2003, a Full House (a duck at every position, 1 to 11), and top-ten residence in the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck charts alike. On this very day back in 1961, Robert Wood was up to the same trick against Tovil, en route to 21 career ducks of his own. Some traditions run deep — brother James Piper (13) and father Brian Piper (23) are both established club members of the zero persuasion too. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks from four matches — modest, but perfectly formed. Sunday did the heavy lifting with one apiece for both XIs, while the Twenty20 lads proved fewer overs bring no fewer horrors. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Stewart Morrison — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) - Mark Christmas — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.57%) - Richard Piper — 2 ducks / 11 innings (18.18%) - Joel Attwood — 1 duck / 1 innings (100%) - Jack Gwynn — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) Stewart Morrison sets a startling two-thirds strike rate at the top — the rest of the club is invited to catch up, or at least not to try too hard. Next fixture, next opportunity. The bowlers are circling — who fancies joining this week's names on the honours board? 🦆🍩0️⃣

Six fresh entries in the ledger this week from five fixtures, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its usual mixed bag of regulars, repeat offenders and one thoroughly unlucky weekend double. 🏏 Saturday 31 May 1st XI away at Sheldwich CC: Mark Christmas dug in for two deliveries before falling, caught Sam Evans off Matt Smyth. His 1st duck of the season and 27th of an illustrious career lifts him to 38th all-time, level with Thomas Beeney (2000–1963... sorry, 2000–2014, 155 innings) — who, fittingly, already carries the Duck of the Year 2014 crown among his honours. Mark's no stranger to silverware himself, a Duck of the Year winner back in 2008, and still one position shy of a complete Full House. Little did he know, worse was to come inside 24 hours. 2nd XI at home to Betsham CC: Jack Gwynn departed for nought, bowled Vijay Kuve, his 1st of the season and 5th career duck — joining Benjamin Austin (2011–2014, 16 innings) on that mark, comfortably mid-table in the nought column. 🌱 Sunday 1 June — away at Borstal CC A rich seam for the Sunday side. James Piper went early, bowled by Josh Wasseff, for his 1st duck of the season and 13th of his career, drawing level with Glen Rawson (206 innings, 2005–2014) at 85th all-time. It runs in the family too — sibling Richard has 64 career ducks banked, and parent Brian a further 23, so young James is merely honouring the ancestral trade. Jordan Austin followed, caught Andrew Boye off the same Josh Wasseff, his 7th career duck alongside Lewis Burnham (2009–2013) — fitting company for a man already fixture-listed in both the Homebody and Lone Duck top tens, plainly a specialist in getting out close to home. Kin on the honours board too: sibling Benjamin sits on 5, father Mark on a solitary 1. And then, inevitably, Mark Christmas again. Bowled Alex Porter for his 2nd duck of the weekend and 28th of his career — a grim pair struck across Sheldwich and Borstal inside a single day, no boundary to show for either. Small consolation: he lands alongside Matthew Carter, whose Horsmonden duck twelve years ago fell on this very date in 2002. 🌙 Tuesday 3 June — Twenty20 v Sissinghurst CC (home) Stewart Morrison went down swinging, caught and bowled Jon Agar, for his 2nd duck of the season and 45th of a distinguished nil-scoring career — 17th all-time, level with David Castle (801 innings, 1982–2014). Stewart already holds Duck of the Year 2000, a Lone Duck top ten berth, and a nearly-complete Full House of his own — a man determined to fail creatively in every corner of the ground. A family trade too: sibling Phillip is a fellow member on 2. 📊 The Week in Numbers Six ducks from five matches, and one name doing the heaviest lifting — Mark Christmas's weekend brace doubled his season tally inside 24 hours, a timely reminder of why the pairs column exists at all. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Stewart Morrison — 2 innings, 2 ducks (100%) 2. Mark Christmas — 6 innings, 2 ducks (33%) 3. Joel Attwood — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 4. Jack Gwynn — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) 5. Luke Welsman — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) Next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, further contributions to the art of not scoring. 🦆

Three fixtures, four ducks, and the exclusive zero club opens its books for another Sunday of quiet ignominy. Sunday 2nd XI — away at Sissinghurst CC A grim afternoon for the top, middle and tail alike saw three names added to the day's tally. Stewart Morrison went first, bowled by James Found at first drop, his 1st duck of the season and 44th of a long and storied career — a stack that plants him 17th in the all-time standings, level with Frank Brattle, who made his own duck against Bearsted CC on this very day back in 1970 (1937–1971). Stewart is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, a former Duck of the Year (2000), and sits on the Full House nearly-man board with ducks recorded at 10 of the 11 batting positions — agonisingly one short of the complete set. A family trade too, it seems: sibling Phillip Morrison carries 2 career ducks of his own. At number seven, Joel Attwood was bowled by Peter Smith for his 1st duck of the season and, more strikingly, his 1st in an entire career of just 3 innings — a rate that rather speaks for itself. He joins the late "- Howard" on exactly one career duck, a name who played a single season in 2006, made his solitary duck, and was never seen again — sealing the rare "One and Done" and "Retirement Duck" double in one go. Here's hoping Joel's story runs a little longer. And at nine, Michael Beeney fell to Scott Davidson for his 1st duck of the season and 37th of his career, good enough for 24th on the all-time table. Spookily, Michael lands on exactly the same historical parallel as Stewart above — Frank Brattle, duck against Bearsted CC, this very day in 1970 — meaning two of today's XI simultaneously summoned the same ghost. Michael's cabinet already groans under a Diamond Duck (2002, not a ball faced), the "Only Two Quacks" pairing with Ian Brattle, and his own Retirement Duck entry. The trade runs in the family, too: son Thomas Beeney has 27 career ducks to his name. Sunday NVKC — away at Upchurch CC Craig Sands supplied the day's purest specimen: bowled by Craig Bewick first ball for a golden duck, his 1st of the season and 23rd of his career, tying him precisely with Brian Piper, a Linton stalwart of 1973–2013 who reached the same 23 in 444 innings. Craig now sits 53rd on the all-time list — proof that even the golden variety is just business as usual at this club. The Week in Brief Four ducks from three fixtures, three of them landing in the very same Sissinghurst innings — the top, middle and tail of the 2nd XI order all found their own way back to the pavilion empty-handed. No pairs, no family doubles this week, but something in the Sissinghurst air clearly disagreed with Linton. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Joel Attwood — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Stewart Morrison — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Adam Jackson — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Luke Welsman — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Stuart Cheesman — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% Early days yet in the race for 2014 Duck of the Year, with plenty of season left for the chasing pack. Next weekend's fixtures await — the zero club never turns anyone away. 🦆🍩

Three matches, three ducks this weekend – no gluts, no family affairs, just three lone stragglers doing their solemn duty for the club record books. Saturday 17 May 🏏 1st XI v Headcorn CC Stuart Cheesman departed lbw to Trevor Twohig for his 1st duck of the season and 43rd of an extraordinary career, moving him to a lofty 19th in the all-time standings. A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club and a two-time Duck of the Year (1994 and 1996), Stuart also holds a Full House – a duck at every position from 1 to 11, the sort of completism only this club rewards. He now sits level on 43 with Stewart Morrison, who racked up the same tally between 1987 and 2011. Keeping it in the family too – his relative Fred Cheesman isn't far behind on 42, and sibling Steve trails on 14. Quacking clearly runs in the blood. 🏏 2nd XI v Headcorn CC Luke Welsman fell first ball 0️⃣, caught by John Thurston off Mike Donnelly – a proper golden duck to open his season account. It's his 4th career duck from just 10 innings, ranking 202nd all-time, and edges him closer to the Full House nearly-man club, having ticked off 10 of the 11 positions. He now sits level on 4 with -Matthew Ward, who reached the same mark across 2011-2012. Sunday 18 May 🏏 Sunday 1st XI v Offham CC Thomas Beeney was caught and bowled by Ben Gittings without scoring, his 1st duck of the season and 27th of his career, vaulting him to 40th on the all-time list. Thomas is chasing the Duck of the Year 2014 crown this very season, and already boasts Ducks on the Road pedigree. On this exact day back in 2002, club legend Richard Piper – he of the Full House and 64 career ducks – also fell for nought against Bearsted CC. Thomas's kin Michael Beeney sits on 36 career ducks of his own, so the family name is well represented in these parts. Week in Summary Three matches, three ducks, one apiece – tidy, understated, no repeat offenders and no family pile-ups this time round. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Stuart Cheesman – 1 inn, 1 duck, 100% 🥈 Adam Jackson – 2 inn, 1 duck, 50% 🥈 Luke Welsman – 2 inn, 1 duck, 50% 4️⃣ Matthew Carter – 3 inn, 1 duck, 33.33% 4️⃣ Ray Dixon – 3 inn, 1 duck, 33.33% Early doors yet in the 2014 hunt, and the leaderboard is wide open. Same time next weekend – who'll be next to walk the long walk back to the pavilion? 🦆🏏

A quiet one this week, ducklings. Just the one fixture on the books for the 11th of May, and — brace yourselves — not a single nought to show for it. Eleven players, presumably, all got off the mark like it was the easiest thing in the world. The exclusive zero club held no inductions, no returning members, no chance encounters with a first ball. The art of not scoring took the week off. Whether this was genuine batting competence or simply nobody being brave enough to walk out and try, the numbers don't say. Either way, the Duck Club rolls on unbothered — bring on next weekend, when normal service will surely resume. 0️⃣ This week in numbers - Ducks recorded: 0 - Matches played: 1 - Ducklings disappointed: several 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Adam Jackson — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Ray Dixon — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Matthew Carter — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Richard Piper — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% Adam and Ray sit atop the early-season standings on a flawless — if not exactly enviable — 100% strike rate, while Matthew and Richard keep pace just behind. Plenty of season left for the rest of the club to come and join the party. 🏏 Until the next fixture, then — when bat meets ball and, with any luck, ball meets stumps early enough for someone to earn their place in these pages. The ducks are only ever one bad shot away. See you out there.

Season 2014 is up and running, and the exclusive zero club has wasted no time enrolling its first two members of the year. Two matches, two ducks, and the honours boards are already creaking under the weight of history repeating itself. Sunday 1st XI v Plaxtol CC Matthew Carter opened his account for the season the wrong way round, caught off the bowling of P- Perry at number five. It's duck number 31 for Matthew, moving him to a lofty 30th of 1415 in the all-time charts from 227 innings — a rate that keeps him firmly in the game's most dedicated company. A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from way back, and a former Duck of the Year in 2004, Matthew adds another line to an already distinguished CV of not scoring. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1969, Stan Wratten (1943–1984) was also trudging off for nought against Bobbing Court CC — he'd go on to bank 35 career ducks and a place in the "Quacking Together" reel alongside John Ames. Kindred spirits, 45 years apart. 1st XI v Selsdon CC (Bank Holiday Monday) Ray Dixon fell at number seven, bowled by Grant Francis, for his first duck of the new season. It's his 21st for the club, lifting him to 59th of 1415 all time from 78 innings — and Ray already has a Duck of the Year gong from 2007 sitting on the mantelpiece, so this one won't trouble him unduly. Spookily, on this exact day in 1974 Paul Bowles was also dismissed for nought, against Leeds & Broomfield CC no less. Bowles (1965–1997) finished his career with a mighty 54 ducks, good for 10th of 1415 all time, plus a brace of Duck of the Year titles and an "Only Two Quacks" pairing with Adam Pooley. Big shoes — or rather, big pads — to fill. Week in Summary Two fixtures, two ducks, one apiece — the season's opening exchanges suggest 2014 is going to be a year of quiet, dignified consistency rather than mass casualties. No pairs, no king pairs, no family affairs to report this week — the Duck Club's rarer ceremonies will have to wait. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Adam Jackson — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - Ray Dixon — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - Matthew Carter — 2 inn, 1 duck (50%) - Richard Piper — 2 inn, 1 duck (50%) Early days, but Adam and Ray already lead the way on the least enviable of statistics. Plenty of season left for the rest of the club to catch them up — or, ideally, not. 🏏 Next fixture, next opportunity. The ducks will be watching. So will we. 0️⃣🦆

Season openers, and the Duck Club's first harvest of 2014 came in swiftly, away at The Mote CC. Two into the exclusive zero club before the tea urn had even boiled — the art of not scoring is evidently already in mid-season form. 🏏 1st XI — The Mote CC (away) Opening the batting and the season's ledger simultaneously, Richard Piper fell caught by Nick Waite off Rajeevan Raveendran, chalking up his 1st duck of the new campaign. Nothing new for Richard, mind — this is career duck number 64 from 572 innings, keeping him a majestic 6th of 1415 in the all-time standings, a place he has occupied with the quiet consistency of a very particular kind. A paid-up resident of the Duck of the Year 2003 honours, a Full House man (a duck at every position 1 to 11 — genuine range), and a fixture of both the Ducks on the Road and Homebody Duck top tens, Richard remains proof that a duck knows no postcode. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1969, club legend Paul Bowles was also trudging off for nought against West Farleigh CC — some anniversaries write themselves. Not to be left out, Adam Jackson was bowled by Josh Sheriston at first drop, his own 1st duck of the season and 15th of an increasingly distinguished career, from 116 innings, sitting 76th of 1415 all-time. He now draws level on 15 career ducks with Ian Hollingworth (2004–2014, 54 innings) — kindred spirits in the noughts, separated only by efficiency. A small aside for the family album: sibling Rob Jackson is no stranger to this club either, with 13 career ducks of his own — evidently a shared gene for the golden walk-back. 📊 Week in Summary One match, two ducks, both from the top three — the openers and first drop clearly decided to get their pre-season admin out of the way early. No pairs, no families, no king ducks this week, just a tidy, businesslike opening statement from the Duck Club. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season 2014 — Leaderboard 1. Adam Jackson — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 1. Richard Piper — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) Early days yet, and a leaderboard that's all top and no bottom — plenty of season left for the queue to lengthen behind them. 🍩 Next up: more fixtures, more opportunities for triumph through adversity. The 0️⃣ awaits its next volunteer — see you at the crease.