🦆 The Duck Pond

A single fixture was played this week, and this correspondent is obliged to report a most disappointing state of affairs: not one gentleman of either eleven contrived to be dismissed for a cipher. The timbers stood, the leather was middled with tiresome regularity, and the exclusive zero club gained not a single new member nor a returning one. Even our most reliable duckers, upon whom the club has come to depend for its weekly diet of ignominy, appear to have troubled the scorer on this occasion, whether through skill, fortune, or simple bloody-mindedness. One trusts this is but a temporary lapse. The art of not scoring is not so easily abandoned by those who have made a study of it, and the committee expects a swift return to form. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - R Smith — 2 innings, 2 ducks, a perfect 100 per cent. A batsman who has, this season, treated the crease as an inconvenience to be declined at the earliest opportunity. - Allan Peach — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67 per cent. Two failures from three attempts places him among the season's most committed practitioners of brevity. - George Champion — 7 innings, 2 ducks, 28.57 per cent. A more measured record, his ducks arriving as occasional punctuation rather than a settled habit. - A Grice — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent. A solitary outing and a solitary cipher — the ledger closed before it was properly opened. - A King — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent. Likewise dismissed at the first time of asking, and likewise perfect in his failure. The season standings remain a source of quiet fascination, and this correspondent suspects the coming fixtures will not want for fresh candidates. Members are cordially reminded that the willow shows no mercy, and that the next match will very likely furnish this Gazette with rather more to report. Until then, we remain hopeful observers of the game's gentler comedies.

A single fixture only was played in the period under review, our House Team entertaining the Kent County Constabulary, and the constabulary's bowling proved rather too searching for four of our number. Four ducks' eggs were laid, all told, and the honours board grows heavier still. House Team - W Peach — sent in first wicket down, and lbw to the bowling of P C Barton before he could trouble the scorers. His first duck of the present season, and the fourth of a career now spanning twenty innings, which places him thirteenth of the three hundred and forty-six names upon the club's roll of dubious distinction. Curiously, upon this very date in 1896, one S Smith performed the identical service against Maidstone. - R Smith — a name new to these columns, sent in at number ten and run out for nought in the first innings, the fielder's identity lost to the scorebook's haste. Not content with a single failure, he returned in the second innings only to be bowled by X Lambkin, again without score — a debut pair, and a thorough introduction to the art of not scoring if ever there was one. He stands already inscribed for Duck of the Year 1903, the season yet young. On this same date in 1896, S Smith likewise departed for a cipher against Maidstone. - F Danells — ninth man in, caught by Sergeant Perrin off the bowling of P C Barton. His sixth career duck in seventeen innings, a lofty fifth of 346 upon the roll, a position of consistency of a very particular kind. As with his fellows, 1896 saw S Smith mark this same date with a duck of his own. The Week in Summary One match, four ducks, and P C Barton personally responsible for two of them. Mr R Smith's arrival at the crease was, by any measure, a baptism of the most thorough sort — a pair on debut is triumph through adversity of a kind few would wish to claim, yet claim it he now does. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. R Smith — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% 2. Allan Peach — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67% 3. George Champion — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% 4. A Grice — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 5. A King — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% The next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, fresh candidates for the exclusive zero club. Members are cordially invited to attend, and to fail with the customary distinction.

A modest week for the willow but a fruitful one for the exclusive zero club, five ciphers being recorded across two fixtures, and two of them upon a single, memorable morning. 1st XI, away to Yalding CC, 15th August C Murdoch, going in first wicket down, was undone lbw to the bowling of F Reeves, and departs with his first duck of the season and the first of his career in ten completed innings, a modest 66th upon the club's roll of 345. It was upon this very date in the year 1896 that D H Kennard likewise returned to the pavilion without troubling the scorer, a small coincidence of the calendar worth remarking upon. Ernest Cruttenden, at number five, was bowled by the same F Reeves, adding to what is by now a most distinguished record of failure, his ninth career duck across one and fifty innings, and second upon the all-time list of 345, a position he has held with some consistency since his Duck of the Year honour in 1895. He, too, shares his date with D H Kennard's 1896 nought. Allan Peach, last man in, was bowled by A S White for his second duck of the season, and his second in a career of but three innings, a rate of failure so complete it earns him this week's leaderboard crown. He shares his calendar day with the same D H Kennard of 1896. House Team, at home to Leeds Castle CC, 21st August A King, opening the innings, and E Mitchell, at number nine, were both bowled by W Betts in the same innings, and both, as it happens, in their very first appearance for the club — a debut shared by circumstance if not by kinship, each gentleman inaugurating his career with a duck's egg to his name. On this same date in 1897 one F Smith likewise made a nought, against the Maidstone Conservative Club, and both our new men may take modest comfort in such honourable company. The week in summary Two matches, five ducks, and honours shared between old hands and new arrivals alike — the timbers proving no respecter of experience this week, F Reeves and W Betts between them accounting for the lot. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Allan Peach — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67 per cent - George Champion — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33 per cent - A Grice — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - A King — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - E Mitchell — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent The eleven takes the field again shortly, and the club's honours boards stand ready, as ever, to receive fresh entrants. Members are cordially invited to attend and, in the fine tradition of the art of not scoring, to contribute further to the ledger.

Week ending the 14th of August, 1903 Correspondence from the ground brings, this week, a report of scant material — the ducks, it seems, have evaded capture entirely. One fixture was played in the period under review, yet not a single member of either eleven was persuaded to walk back for a cipher. The timbers stood, the leather beat a respectful path around the willow, and every batsman troubled the scorer at least once. A quiet week for the exclusive zero club, and, one might say, a poor one for those of us whose trade is in reporting its exploits. It is not for the correspondent to manufacture drama where none was offered. We record, with the faintest note of disappointment, that the art of not scoring found no fresh practitioners on this occasion. The membership rolls remain unchanged. Let it not be said, however, that the club's honours boards have gone unattended this season — the standings below tell a rather livelier tale. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - George Champion — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.0 per cent — a most industrious contributor to the cause - A Grice — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0 per cent — perfection of a very particular kind - G F Vernon — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0 per cent — likewise unblemished in his devotion to nought - Allan Peach — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0 per cent — an even wager each time he takes guard - K McAlpine — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0 per cent — keeping steady company at the head of the table Mr Champion continues to lead the season's proceedings by weight of numbers, though Messrs Grice and Vernon may fairly claim the purer distinction, having yet to trouble the scorer on the single occasion each was called upon. The eleven are cordially reminded that the season is far from concluded, and that the next fixture offers every opportunity for a fresh name — or several — to be added to this distinguished roll. The correspondent, for his part, awaits the next despatch from the ground in the sincere hope of rather more to report.

A melancholy afternoon against Rochester CC has furnished the exclusive zero club with no fewer than five new subscriptions in a single innings, Captain R R Morgan of the visiting eleven proving a positive scourge to our batting order. We proceed to the roll of ignominy. The First Eleven H G Smith, sent in at number two, fell caught and bowled to the Rochester captain without troubling the scorer — his first duck's egg of the season and the third of a career now numbering thirty-one innings, placing him twentieth of the three hundred and thirty-one gentlemen who have graced this list. He arrives at exactly the tally held by the late A Kent, Duck of the Year in 1893, among a distinguished company of some dozen others similarly becalmed on three. The Reverend F A Leveson-Gower followed at first wicket down, bowled by Captain Morgan for his maiden duck of the campaign, the first blemish upon seven innings hitherto respectable. He now stands level upon one career cipher with A Barker of 1885 and a considerable fraternity besides — welcome, Reverend, to a communion of a different order. F Reeves, arriving at seven, was stumped off the same relentless bowler — a mode of dismissal requiring, one notes with some wonder, a batsman to miss the ball by such a margin that even the wicketkeeper could not be denied his moment. His first career duck in eleven innings places him alongside the aforementioned A Barker on a tally of one. K McAlpine, at nine, was bowled by Captain Morgan for his second career duck in a mere ten innings, joining Arthur Cornwallis — a veteran of some forty-five innings across two decades of service — upon that same modest figure. And at eleven, young Allan Peach made his very first appearance for the club and was promptly bowled by Captain Morgan without scoring — a debut duck in the most literal sense, his maiden first-class cipher in what is only his second innings of senior cricket. He, too, finds himself in step with A Barker's solitary duck of 1885. A sobering welcome to the fold, though the honours board stands ready to receive him should the pattern persist. A Note on the Bowling It would be remiss not to record that all five wickets fell to the same bowler, Captain R R Morgan, who appears to have found something in the Linton Park wicket that our batsmen decidedly did not. Whether this reflects credit upon the visiting captain or discredit upon our own eleven is a matter the committee may debate at its leisure over the winter. Week in Summary One match, one innings, five ducks — a thorough dismantling, and a fine harvest for the zero club's ledger. No pairs, no golden ducks and no family affairs to report this week, merely five gentlemen dispatched by the same relentless right arm in the space of a single Rochester innings. Consistency, of a very particular kind. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - George Champion — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.0% - A Grice — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% - G F Vernon — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% - Allan Peach — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0% - K McAlpine — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0% The season is young yet, and Captain Morgan's afternoon's work may well see fresh names contest this table before long. Members are cordially reminded that the willow offers no guarantees, and are invited to the next fixture, where further additions to the honours board must be considered a distinct probability.

A quiet week, gentlemen, and the honours board goes unmolested. A Week Without Incident It is the correspondent's melancholy duty to report that, upon careful review of the single fixture played this period, not one member of the eleven contrived to be dismissed without troubling the scorer. A most disappointing state of affairs for the club, if a rather more agreeable one for those concerned. The willow was, on this occasion, wielded with sufficient competence throughout to deny us fresh material, and the exclusive zero club welcomes no new initiates this week. One trusts our batsmen will show rather less application at the crease come the next fixture, that the ledger might once again be enlivened. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard The season standings, however, want for nothing in the way of distinction, and remain a place of considerable dubious honour: - George Champion — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67 per cent — a batsman demonstrating consistency of a very particular kind, failing to trouble the scorer in two innings out of three - A Grice — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent — a cipher on the only occasion called upon, and thus perfect in his imperfection - G F Vernon — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent — likewise perfect, and likewise unbothered by his rival Grice's identical feat - Rev W A Carr — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent — the reverend gentleman keeping faith with the art of not scoring on exactly half his appearances - P R Burton — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33 per cent — the most modest showing among our leading lights, and modesty is, after all, a virtue In Closing A barren week for the chronicler is, we concede, a triumph of sorts for the eleven, though triumph through adversity remains the club's preferred variety. We look ahead with quiet confidence to the next fixture, in the settled expectation that the timbers will once more be rattled, the leather will once more prevail, and a fresh duck's egg or two will be laid for these pages to record. Until then, the honours board rests, undisturbed but not, we suspect, for long.

For the week ending the 1st of July, 1903 A modest week at the wicket, yet the exclusive zero club welcomes two further names to its rolls, both furnished by our contest with Yalding CC. The First Eleven - Mr George Champion, going in at number four, was caught and bowled by H Reeves for a cipher — his second of the season and the seventh of a distinguished career, a tally that places him fourth of all time in a company of 330. He is no stranger to failure of this particular calibre, having been named Duck of the Year in 1897, and now finds himself level, egg for egg, with the venerable A Startup, whose own seven ducks were gathered between 1868 and 1882 across a mere eleven innings — brisk work, that. - Mr A Grice, sent in at number eight, was bowled by the same Mr Reeves for nought — and did so, we are obliged to record, upon his very first appearance for the club, a duck on debut and no small distinction. He enters the rolls fiftieth of all time out of 330, in the immediate company of one A Barker, who achieved the identical feat in 1885 and was likewise crowned Duck of the Year for his trouble. In Summary Two ciphers from a single fixture against Yalding CC, both at the hands of Mr H Reeves, who appears to have found our lower order much to his liking. Mr Champion's contribution is a study in consistency of a very particular kind, while Mr Grice's arrival ensures the club's rolls continue to swell with fresh blood, or rather, a fresh absence of runs. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - George Champion — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - A Grice — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - G F Vernon — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - P R Burton — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Rev W A Carr — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% We trust our members will be at the ground for the next fixture, where the timbers may once again prove treacherous and the club's rolls further enriched.

For the week ending the 6th of June, 1903 A quiet week upon the county's grounds, with but a single gentleman of the Eleven called to the wicket and sent back again without troubling the scorer. The exclusive zero club welcomes but one new subscription this week, and welcomes him, as ever, with the solemnity the occasion deserves. 1st XI George Champion, promoted to first wicket down against Town Malling CC and playing upon foreign turf, was caught by W Phillips off the bowling of F B Leney and dismissed for a cipher. This is Mr Champion's first duck's egg of the present season, and the sixth of a career now running to some two-and-fifty innings, which places him fourth upon the club's roll of 328 gentlemen so honoured — a position of some seniority, and not lightly come by. It may be recorded, for those who prize such things, that Mr Champion carries also the distinction of Duck of the Year 1897, though he keeps humbler company on the present occasion. The diligent reader of the calendar will further observe that upon this very date in 1898, one F Smith likewise walked back for nought, against Brenchley CC, a fourth duck in a career of some standing and good enough for tenth place upon the all-time list. Whether the coincidence of date be an omen or a mere curiosity of the fixture book, the correspondent leaves to wiser heads than his own. In summary, the week furnished one match and one duck, the Eleven's batting being on this occasion rather more restrained than its bowling would care to admit. A single entry makes for thin copy, but consistency of a very particular kind is, as ever, its own reward. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard, 1903 - G F Vernon — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - George Champion — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - P R Burton — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent - Rev W A Carr — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent The correspondent awaits the next fixture with the quiet confidence that the Eleven's batting will, in its own good time, furnish further material for these pages, as it has so reliably done in seasons past. Members are cordially reminded that the timbers care nothing for reputation, and the willow rather less.

Correspondence from the Club's Recorder of Ciphers, upon the occasion of a single fixture against Maidstone Cricket Club, in which our First Eleven contributed three names to the roll of those who failed to trouble the scorer. The First Eleven, in the First Innings of Maidstone C.C. - The Reverend W A Carr, coming in at number two, was bowled by X Hardinge and returned to the pavilion no better acquainted with the scorebook than when he left it. This stands as his first duck in a career of three innings, and places him 115th of 327 upon the Club's honours board of failure. He joins A Barker, Duck of the Year as long ago as 1885, upon that same solitary tally — a fellowship separated by eighteen summers but united in arithmetic. - P R Burton, at number eight, was smartly taken by B W Haynes off the bowling of J H Hobbs, a dismissal executed with more credit to the fielder than to himself. This is his second career duck in four innings, advancing him to 42nd of 327 in the Club's dubious pecking order. He keeps company with Arthur Cornwallis, Duck of the Year 1888 and a veteran of some three and forty innings, likewise settled upon two. - G F Vernon, last man in at number ten, was clean bowled by the same J H Hobbs, whose length appears to have found considerable favour with our lower order this afternoon. This is his first career duck in four innings, and sees him placed 79th of 327. He joins A G Oyler, Duck of the Year in 1899, upon an identical tally of one — proof, if any were needed, that the art of not scoring respects no particular decade. A modest afternoon's harvest, then: three ciphers from a single innings, two of them gathered by the same length of bowling, which speaks either to Mr Hobbs's skill or to a certain want of watchfulness down our order. No pairs were completed, no golden ducks recorded, and no families of ducks graced the same innings — a week of honest, unspectacular failure, which is, after all, the Club's stock in trade. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. G F Vernon — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent 2. P R Burton — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100 per cent 3. Rev W A Carr — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50 per cent The season is yet young, and the leaderboard has ample room for further distinction. Members are cordially reminded that the willow shows no favouritism, and that our next fixture shall doubtless furnish fresh candidates for this exclusive and dubious club. Until then, the Recorder remains, as ever, watchful for the timbers.