🦆 The Duck Pond

A quiet week on the poultry front, ducklings. One fixture played on the 11th, and for once the zero club had to sit this one out entirely — not a single batsman could be persuaded into the exclusive company of the nought. Bats connected, singles were nudged, and the art of not scoring went, agonisingly, unpracticed. The Duck Club regrettably has nothing to report from the middle this week. Do not mistake this for good news. Somewhere out there a duck-shaped opportunity was missed, and the leaderboard below remains admirably undisturbed as a result — no new blood, no shuffling of the pack, just the same familiar names holding their ground in dubious distinction. 0️⃣ Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — 1992 0️⃣ 🥇 Matt Large — 5 ducks in 22 innings (22.73%) 🥈 Rob Doick — 5 ducks in 34 innings (14.71%) 🥉 Richard Piper — 4 ducks in 6 innings (a startling 66.67% — consistency of a very particular kind) 4. Fred Cheesman — 4 ducks in 23 innings (17.39%) 5. Piers McDonald — 4 ducks in 33 innings (12.12%) Richard Piper's rate remains the stuff of legend this season — four ducks from just six trips to the crease is triumph through adversity if ever there was any, and the rest of the field will need a proper collapse to catch him on volume alone. 🏏 Onward to the next fixture, then, where normal service will surely resume. The ducks are out there somewhere, biding their time — and rest assured, the moment anyone obliges the club with a nought, they'll be welcomed into these pages with the ceremony they deserve. Until then — keep your bat straight, and good luck avoiding the golden variety. 🦆

Two fixtures on the books this weekend, and for once the Duck Club has nothing whatsoever to show for it. Not a single quack. Not a golden duck, not a pair, not so much as a nervous nudge back to the pavilion for nought. Eleven-and-eleven, twice over, and every single bat found something to show for its efforts. The exclusive zero club, so reliably stocked most weeks, sat this one out entirely — the shelves are bare, the honours board gathers dust, and the correspondent is left filing a report about the absence of a story. Some will call it good batting. Around here we call it a wasted opportunity. Still, the season is young and the regulars will be back. Consistency, as we know, comes in two varieties at Linton Park — and this week the other kind won out. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Matt Large — 5 ducks in 22 innings (22.73%) - Rob Doick — 5 ducks in 33 innings (15.15%) - Richard Piper — 4 ducks in 6 innings (a startling 66.67% — truly living dangerously) - Fred Cheesman — 4 ducks in 23 innings (17.39%) - Piers McDonald — 4 ducks in 33 innings (12.12%) Richard Piper's strike rate for nought remains the standout of the season so far — four ducks from just six trips to the crease is the kind of percentage that gets a man talked about in the wrong sort of company. No movement at the top this week, but the chasing pack won't stay quiet for long. Get out there next weekend, gentlemen — the Duck Club awaits fresh recruits, and this drought can't last. 🦆 0️⃣

A quieter week in the hide this time round — the ducks proved cannier than usual, with only two willing to poke their heads above the reeds across three fixtures. Quality over quantity, though, because what we lack in numbers this week we make up for in pedigree. 2nd XI — Southborough CC (Sat 12th) Tim Thirkell strode out at first wicket down and departed almost as promptly, bowled by Lee Thorpe without so much as troubling the scorers. It's his 2nd duck of the season and — take a bow — his 66th career nought, a tally that plants him a majestic 4th on the all-time leaderboard of 1,174 duckers. Tim is a Full House man too (a duck at every position, 1 through 11, the completist's badge of honour), sits proudly in the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens, and once claimed Duck of the Year back in 1972 for good measure. He shares his "Quacking Together" pairing with club legend Jim Hall, and the noughts run in the family — son John already has 90 of his own, with brothers Nigel (47) and Simon (25) not far behind. Consistency, it seems, is hereditary. On this very day in 1959, S Lusher also fell for nought, against Bowaters CC — kindred spirits separated by 33 years and a scorebook. Midweek XI — Lord Cornwallis XI (Wed 16th) Batting at 9, Ian Brattle was undone by M Fleming for his 3rd duck of the season and 24th of his career, good for 33rd on the all-time list. Ian is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from way back, boasts a startling "Ducks in a Row" streak of seven consecutive noughts, and shares his "Only Two Quacks" pairing with Michael Beeney. Brother Paul is keeping pace on 26 career ducks of his own — clearly a family that prefers to leave the crease early and often. On this day in 1962, Richard Ashby also made a duck, against Staplehurst CC, a full three decades before Ian's own effort. Week in summary Just 2 ducks from 3 matches — the traps were set but the pond stayed largely empty. Both fell to seam bowling, both to players deep into distinguished duck careers, and both with a "this day in history" echo to keep the archivists happy. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 5 ducks in 21 innings (23.81%) 2. Rob Doick — 5 ducks in 31 innings (16.13%) 3. Richard Piper — 4 ducks in 6 innings (a startling 66.67%) 4. Fred Cheesman — 4 ducks in 22 innings (18.18%) 5. Piers McDonald — 4 ducks in 32 innings (12.5%) Richard Piper remains one to watch — two-thirds of his innings this season have ended in the exclusive zero club, a strike rate for failure that borders on the heroic. 🍩 That's your lot for this week, quackers. The traps are reset for the next round of fixtures — plenty of scope yet for milestones, family doubles and a few more names added to the honours board. We watch. We wait. We celebrate. 🦆

Greetings, quackers. The 1992 touring party ventured deep into Cornish territory this week, and while the cider flowed freely, the ducks proved rather shy — just the one specimen bagged across three matches. Still, quality over quantity, as any self-respecting member of the exclusive zero club will tell you. 🏏 Tour XI At Beacon CC, Cornwall, on the 6th, Rob Doick strode out at first drop and departed rather promptly, bowled by I Watson without ever really getting his tour boots dirty. Away form, it seems, does not always agree with him. This was Rob's 5th duck of the season and his 8th for the club overall, from 52 innings — enough to slot him in at a very respectable 94th of 1174 in the all-time standings. A player clearly building a portfolio of noughts to be proud of, one careful edge at a time. Neatly enough, on this very day back in 1967, Roger Craddock — a fleeting presence on the books between 1966 and 1968 — also trudged back for a duck against Birchington CC. Different opposition, different decade, same eternal truth: the duck respects no calendar. 📅 Week in Summary Three matches, one duck — the Cornish tour was largely a vegan affair by Duck Club standards, with bat generally troubling ball rather more than usual. Whether that reflects good form or simply good weather for batting, we leave to the historians. Either way, Rob Doick carries the flag alone this week, and carries it well. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 5 ducks, 20 innings (25.0%) 2. Rob Doick — 5 ducks, 30 innings (16.67%) 3. Richard Piper — 4 ducks, 6 innings (66.67%) 4. Fred Cheesman — 4 ducks, 20 innings (20.0%) 5. Piers McDonald — 4 ducks, 31 innings (12.9%) Richard Piper's strike rate remains a thing of terrifying consistency — four ducks from six knocks is triumph through adversity of the highest order. 🍩 Onward to the next fixture, where the ducks will surely be waiting to reclaim their rightful numbers. Keep your bats straight, gentlemen — or don't, and join the club properly. 0️⃣🏏

Seven ducks fell across five matches this week, as tour season took hold and the Cheesman and Piper households both added fresh entries to the ledger of nought. 🏏 Saturday 29 August — 2nd XI v Sheldwich CC (away) A family affair to open proceedings. Stuart Cheesman departed for his 2nd duck of the season, caught M Holden bowled A Creed, and moves to 3 career ducks (rank 193 of 1174) — a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club and a Full House honouree besides. On this very day in 1954, Stan Wratten was performing the identical trick against D Hambrook XI, en route to 35 career ducks of his own. Next in, Richard Piper, stumped by K Voller off J Sandys for his 3rd of the season and 5th career duck — a rare double member of both the Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens, proof he needs no home advantage to fail expensively — also matching Wratten's 1954 vintage to the day. And finally Fred Cheesman, Stuart's own, stumped off the same bowling for his 4th of the season and a weighty 27th career duck (rank 26 of 1174) — twice Duck of the Year (1990 and 1991) and a Full House man in his own right. Fred and Stuart falling in the same innings earns the rare Duck and Ducklings ceremony, elder leading junior back to the pavilion. Steve Cheesman, sibling to Stuart and son to Fred, would complete the family set before the week was out. 🌴 Tour Week — Cornwall Wednesday saw Tour XI at Falmouth CC. Steve Cheesman duly obliged, lbw David Toseland, for his 3rd of the season and 9th career duck (rank 82), keeping company with the on-this-day exploits of Benny Bell against Staplehurst back in 1972, 30 career ducks and all. Alongside him fell Simon Thirkell — scion of Duck Club royalty, father John the club's all-time No.1 on 90, brothers Tim (65) and Nigel (47) both deep in the book — stumped off the same bowler for his 1st duck of the season and 25th career duck (rank 31), a Tourist Duck, a Ducks on the Road regular and a card-carrying "50 Before a 50" member. Benny Bell's 1972 shadow falls over him too. Friday's trip to Mullion CC produced a brace. Rob Doick was bowled by Danny Hickey for his 4th of the season and 7th career duck (rank 100), echoing A Pay's lone 1988 duck on that very ground. Richard Piper then returned to the crease only to fall again, bowled by the same Hickey, his 4th of the season and 6th career duck — a grim pair for the week, a nought-and-nought double even A Pay never had to endure twice. 📋 Week in Summary Seven ducks, five matches, one Duck and Ducklings ceremony, and one unwanted pair. The Cheesmans occupy three lines in this week's book and the Pipers rue a matching set. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 20 inn, 5 ducks (25%) 2. Richard Piper — 6 inn, 4 ducks (67%) 3. Fred Cheesman — 19 inn, 4 ducks (21%) 4. Rob Doick — 28 inn, 4 ducks (14%) 5. Piers McDonald — 29 inn, 4 ducks (14%) 🍩 The tour rolls on through Cornwall — more wickets, more quacks. See you next weekend, ducks permitting.

Six ducks in two days — the exclusive zero club took hearty new memberships either side of the weekend, and one unfortunate soul got the full weekend package. 🏏 Saturday 22 August — 2nd XI v Hadlow CC (home) Steve Cheesman fell early at three, bowled by Matt Portlock, his 2nd of the season and 8th of a growing career in 43 innings, 96th on the all-time list of ignominy. On this very day in 1953, J Barclay was doing much the same, one of seven ducks in a two-year career that still nets him a Duck of the Year crown and a Retirement Duck entry. Steve has poultry in the blood, father Fred sits on 26 career ducks and is currently mid-flight on this season's leaderboard, while brother Stuart carries 2 of his own. Rob Doick departed for the first of a busy weekend double, bowled by Dominic Boulle at five, his 2nd of the season, 5th of his career from 47 innings, 113th overall. Keep that number in mind. Trevor Back, genuine Duck Club royalty, edged behind off Matt Portlock's second victim of the innings, his 2nd this season and 36th in a mighty 282-innings career, 14th on the all-time roll, with Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top ten honours and shared quacks with Allan Cooper and Jon Harris. Matt Portlock, take a bow, two scalps, both ducks. 🏏 Sunday 23 August — 1st XI v Old Anchorians CC (home) Clive Newman, caught behind off S Smith at three, opened his career account with his 1st ever duck from 17 innings, rank 342 of 1174. Back in 1981, on this same calendar day against these very Old Anchorians, Brian Piper was doing the same, en route to 20 career ducks and 39th all-time. Matt Large, caught at five off K Bethell, took his 5th duck of the season, top of the current charts, and 34th of a storied career in 145 innings, 17th all-time. His honours cabinet groans: Duck of the Year in 1987, 1988, 1989, and fittingly, 1992 too, plus Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens. And so to Rob Doick, back for more, bowled by K Bethell, his second victim of the innings, at six. His 3rd duck of the season and 6th of his career completes a grim weekend pair: out Saturday for the 2nds, out Sunday for the 1sts. On this day in 1981, Brian Piper was again keeping the Old Anchorians company. 📋 The Week in Summary Two matches, six ducks, two bowlers doing serious hunting of their own, Matt Portlock and K Bethell claimed a brace apiece. Rob Doick's weekend pair was the standout feat of dubious distinction. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Matt Large — 20 innings, 5 ducks, 25.0% - Piers McDonald — 29 innings, 4 ducks, 13.79% - Stewart Morrison — 14 innings, 3 ducks, 21.43% - Fred Cheesman — 16 innings, 3 ducks, 18.75% - Paul Bowles — 20 innings, 3 ducks, 15.0% Matt Large sits atop the pile, Duck of the Year 1992 already on his mantelpiece. Next fixture looms, the zero club never closes its books. Who's next through the turnstile? 🦆🍩

Nine ducks in three matches this week, headlined by a genuine club landmark and a proper top-order-to-tail collapse for the seconds. Let's get into it. Saturday 15 August 1st XI (h) v Harrietsham CC - Paul Bowles opened up and departed via a simple catch off Kevin Grebbell — his 2nd duck of the season and 49th of an extraordinary career, still parked at 5th all-time. On this very date in 1964, the legendary John Thirkell (1943–1977, 90 ducks, still #1 all-time) was doing exactly the same thing against Bowaters CC. History repeating, quackily. 2nd XI (a) v Higham & Mockbeggar CC A collapse for the ages — six ducks in one innings, four of them consecutive from number 8 down. - Stewart Morrison, out cheaply at the top, notches his 3rd of the season and 11th career duck — a resume already carrying Debutante Duck, Full House nearly-man and Lone Duck top-10 honours. Sibling Phillip Morrison keeps a single career duck of his own in the family cabinet. - Alan Boyns (2nd season, 11th career, rank 60) — a proud 1990 Diamond Duck alumnus, though credit where due, he actually troubled the scorers with a ball faced this time. - Richard Piper (2nd season, 4th career, rank 148) adds another decoration to a groaning trophy cabinet — Ducks on the Road, Full House, Homebody and Lone Duck top-10 all present. A parent-child duck-club bond with Brian Piper, who carries 20 of his own. - Stuart Cheesman, run out (1st season, 2nd career) — kin to Fred Cheesman (26 career ducks, currently 4th on this season's table, see below) and sibling Steve Cheesman (7). - And then, both bowled by Richard Hawkins without scoring, R Batchelor and Ben Harris — genuine baptisms, first innings, first ducks, first entries on the Debutante Duck board. Both already flirting with the Retirement Duck honour, though nobody's writing off a second innings just yet. All six found the same illustrious company: John Thirkell's 1964 vintage against Bowaters CC, on this very calendar day. Wednesday 19 August Midweek XI (a) v Gravesend CC - Kevin Mullins fell early, caught Eddie Stanford bowled L Morley-Clark — 1st of the season, 2nd career, a graduate of the Debutante Duck club from an earlier vintage. On this day in 1956, John --'s Taylor (1949–1960, 15 ducks) made the same walk against Mote A. - Then the big one. Paul Bowles, back at the crease just four days after Harrietsham, bowled by L Morley-Clark — his 3rd of the season, but his 50th career duck overall. 🥇 Full Membership of the Duck Club Hall of Fame, secured. A pair for the week into the bargain — Saturday and Wednesday both — and he holds firm at 5th all-time. Fittingly, this one too falls on Taylor's 1956 calendar date. Week in Summary 9 ducks, 3 matches, one Hall of Fame induction and a 2nd XI tail that simply gave up asking questions. The Cheesman and Morrison/Piper clans keep multiplying their presence on the honours boards without lifting a bat. 🏏 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 19 inns, 4 ducks (21.05%) 2. Piers McDonald — 29 inns, 4 ducks (13.79%) 3. Stewart Morrison — 14 inns, 3 ducks (21.43%) 4. Fred Cheesman — 15 inns, 3 ducks (20.0%) 5. Paul Bowles — 20 inns, 3 ducks (15.0%) Morrison and Bowles both add to their season tallies this very week — the race for Duck of the Year 1992 is well and truly on. Next fixture awaits its own contribution to the honours board. Pads on, gloves on, expectations low. See you out there 🦆🍩

A quieter week for the Duck Club harvesters — just three ducks from four fixtures — but quality over quantity, as ever, at Linton Park. Saturday 8th August — 1st XI at Headcorn CC A grim afternoon for the top order. Paul Bowles departed at six, caught Tony Hunt bowled Graham Mackman, his 1st duck of the season and 48th of an extraordinary career — good enough for 6th on the all-time table from 792 innings, a duck roughly every 16 trips to the crease. Bowles remains a two-time Duck of the Year (1966, 1968) and a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top 10, one half of Only Two Quacks with Adam Pooley. On this very day in 1979, Paul Brattle was suffering the same fate against Maidstone Police — the calendar has a long memory. Mackman wasn't finished. Down the order, Jon Harris edged behind to Simon Phipps for his own 1st of the season and 69th for his career, 3rd on the all-time list from a startling 494 innings. Harris's honours board reads like a testimonial dinner menu — Debutante Duck, three-time Duck of the Year (1976, 1980, 1981), Full House (a duck at every position 1 to 11), Homebody, Lone and Tourist Duck top 10s, plus shared quacking honours with Allan Cooper, Jim Hall and Trevor Back. He also carries the family gene — son Richard Harris already has 36 career ducks of his own. Harris, too, finds Paul Brattle for company on this day in 1979. Sunday 9th August — 1st XI v Benenden CC (home) Piers McDonald fell at five, caught off an unidentified fielder off Mike Chambers, for his 4th duck of the season — 15th of his career and 49th on the all-time list. A paid-up member of the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top 10s. On this day in 1964, none other than John Thirkell, the club's all-time duck king with 90, was doing exactly the same thing against Harrietsham CC. The other two fixtures of the period passed off duck-free — a rare mercy. Week in Summary Three ducks, two of them off the same bowler in the same innings — Graham Mackman can consider his week's work done. Piers McDonald's latest also nudges him level with Matt Large atop this season's hunting standings. 🦆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 4 ducks, 18 innings (22.2%) 2. Piers McDonald — 4 ducks, 29 innings (13.8%) 3. Fred Cheesman — 3 ducks, 15 innings (20.0%) 4. D Cooke — 2 ducks, 3 innings (66.7%) 5. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks, 5 innings (40.0%) Fixtures resume shortly — plenty of time yet for someone to close the gap on Large. Bats up, ducks watching. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three matches, four ducks, and the Club's ledger of ignominy grows heavier still this week. ⚫ Saturday 1st August 2nd XI away at Yalding CC Rob Doick fell at first drop, bowled by Richard Gardner, for his 1st duck of the season and 4th of an increasingly distinguished career — now 148th in the all-time list from 42 innings. On this very day in 1964, a young Basil Sears was doing much the same against Headcorn CC, en route to 33 career ducks and a lofty 17th on the all-time roll. Rob has some way to go to catch him, but every journey starts with a single nought. ⚫ Wednesday 5th August Midweek XI at home to Bexley CC A rough afternoon for the top order as Bexley's Shiv Patel ran through Linton's openers. Piers McDonald departed first, bowled without scoring for his 3rd duck of the season and 14th of a well-stocked career — a fixture of both the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and now sat 51st in the all-time table from 143 innings. On this day in 1895, Ernest Cruttenden was performing the identical trick against Rochester CC, one of ten career ducks that hold him at 70th all-time. David Cook followed shortly after, lbw to the same bowler, for his 2nd duck of the season and, remarkably, his 2nd from just 8 senior innings — a duck rate that will have the selectors muttering into their teacups. He shares today's page in history with the same Mr Cruttenden of 1895. Then came P Tagg, marking his Linton debut the only way the Duck Club truly approves — lbw to Richard Melbourne without troubling the scorers, straight onto the Debutante Duck honours board. Whether he goes on to a long and fruitful career or joins the exclusive One and Done club is a question only time can answer — we watch with interest either way. Fittingly, Cruttenden's ghost was on hand once more, 97 years to the very day. ⚫ Week in Summary Four ducks from three matches, three of them arriving in a single Bexley innings — Shiv Patel and friends clearly fancied bowling at Linton this week. Bexley's opening spell may deserve commemorating on our own honours board at this rate. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 4 ducks, 16 innings (25%) 2. Fred Cheesman — 3 ducks, 15 innings (20%) 3. Piers McDonald — 3 ducks, 28 innings (10.71%) 4. D Cooke — 2 ducks, 3 innings (66.67%) 5. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks, 5 innings (40%) The season race remains wide open, and with fixtures coming thick and fast there's ample opportunity for movement at the top. Bring your bat, bring your luck, and we'll see who joins the club next week. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Six fresh entries for the ledger this week across four fixtures, with Ashford CC providing a genuine flock in one innings. Read on. 🏏 1st XI v The Mote CC (home, Sun 26 July) Piers McDonald departed lbw to D Thomas at number 7 — his 2nd duck of the season and 13th of a career now sitting proudly in both the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, rank 53 of 1170 all time. On this very day back in 1940, J Short was performing the identical ceremony against Boughton Monchelsea CC. Some traditions never die. Three down the order, Fred Cheesman went caught Foster bowled Booth — his 3rd of the season (he currently tops the Duck Hunting charts for it) and a mighty 26th career nought, good enough for rank 26 of 1170. A double reigning Duck of the Year (1990 and 1991), Full House member and one half of Only Two Quacks with Adam Pooley — Fred's honours board is getting crowded. He too joins J Short's 1940 vintage on this date, and keeps it in the family, with son Steve (7 career ducks) and grandson Stuart (1) already enrolled. 🏏 2nd XI at Ashford CC, Kent (away, Sat 25 July) A genuinely torrid innings for the seconds, who managed to lose four wickets for nought without ever repeating themselves. Tim Thirkell fell caught Burbridge bowled Cole at first drop — only his 1st of the season, but his 65th career duck lodges him at a rarefied rank 4 of 1170, agonisingly shy of the club century. Duck of the Year 1972, a fixture of the Ducks on the Road, Full House, Homebody and Lone Duck top tens, and one half of Quacking Together with Jim Hall — Tim barely needs introducing. It runs in the blood too: father John (90), brothers Nigel (47) and Simon (24), and cousin Stuart (1) all keep the family name on the honours board. Roly Edwards was bowled by Norman Lambert at 7, opening his career account in his 19th innings. Richard Piper followed at 10, caught Eames bowled P Cole, his 3rd career duck from just 8 innings — rank 187 of 1170 and already stacking up Ducks on the Road, Full House, Homebody and Lone Duck top-ten credentials, a family trait shared with father Brian's 20. Last man Phillip Morrison capped the collapse caught Barlow bowled P Cole, his very first career duck in only his 3rd innings — brother Stewart already has 10 to his name, so there's ground to make up. All four Ashford victims share good company: Trevor Back (1973–1992, 35 ducks) made his own duck against The Mote CC on this same calendar date back in 1982. 📊 Week in Summary Six ducks from four matches, with Ashford CC Kent doing the damage to four Linton batters in a single innings — a proper cluster. The Mote CC chipped in a tidier two. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Matt Large — 4 ducks, 16 innings (25%) - Fred Cheesman — 3 ducks, 13 innings (23.08%) - D Cooke — 2 ducks, 3 innings (66.67%) - Ian Brattle — 2 ducks, 5 innings (40%) - Stewart Morrison — 2 ducks, 9 innings (22.22%) Next fixture looms, and with it, no doubt, fresh candidates for the exclusive zero club. We watch, we wait, we celebrate. 🦆0️⃣

The exclusive zero club welcomed two new entries this week, both struck against the same opposition on the same afternoon — a fine display of the art of not scoring, delivered in stereo. 🏏 Saturday 18 July 1st XI — v Kennington CC, Kent (home) Opening the batting, Dave Charlton departed second ball of the innings' worth of trying, bowled by Andrew Austen, for his second duck of the season. It's career nought number 13 from 79 innings, holding steady at 51st in the all-time Linton standings — and there's history repeating itself precisely: on this very day back in 1964, Frank Brattle (1937–1971, 38 ducks, 12th all-time) also fell for nought, against Rumwood CC. Dave isn't even the family's sole representative in these pages — sibling Sean Charlton already carries four career ducks of his own, proof the trait runs in the blood. 2nd XI — v Kennington CC, Kent (away) Down at number nine, D Cooke edged behind — caught and bowled, no less, by A 'Chippy' Chandler — for the club's second duck of the day. Remarkably it's his second of the season from a mere three innings, a frankly alarming 67% strike rate for the wrong kind of milestone. Cooke is already a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his Linton account with a blob, and carries the Retirement Duck honour in waiting for whenever his last innings eventually arrives — standing distinctions both, not news of today. Fittingly, he shares Charlton's date with history: the very same Frank Brattle, doing exactly this 28 years earlier almost to the hour. 🌱 Sunday 19 – Wednesday 22 July Whatever else the week's fixtures had to offer, the ducks kept their heads down. Not a single further addition to report — a rare and unwelcome outbreak of competence. 📋 Week in Summary Four matches, two ducks, both landing in the same Saturday double-header against Kennington CC, Kent — clearly a fixture with a taste for causing trouble. Both of this week's fallen are, fittingly, already fixtures of the current season's leaderboard below. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 4 ducks in 14 innings (28.57%) 2. D Cooke — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) 3. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40.0%) 4. Stewart Morrison — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25.0%) 5. Dave Charlton — 2 ducks in 9 innings (22.22%) Cooke's strike rate is doing the heavy lifting there — two ducks from three trips to the crease is triumph through adversity of a very particular kind. Next fixture looms, and with it the inevitable fresh candidates for the honours board. Bring your bat, keep your wits about you, and may the ducks find someone else's scorecard this time. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Two fixtures on the board this weekend, but the ducks proved remarkably elusive prey — Linton's hunters bagged just a single specimen between them. Quality over quantity, as they say in the exclusive zero club. Saturday - a vegan affair Nothing to report. All eleven got off the mark, a rare and faintly disappointing afternoon for the Duck Club faithful. Sunday - 1st XI away at Folkestone CC Steve Masters strode out at four and departed with the scorebook untroubled, caught Jim Howgego bowled Andy Allon. It's his 2nd duck of the 1992 season and his 2nd career nought from 10 innings, lodging him at 270th of 1169 in the all-time standings — respectable company for a man still finding his feet in the art of not scoring. Steve also carries the Retirement Duck honour on his board, a presumptive farewell distinction earned at some past unspecified sign-off — not today's business, we trust, just a standing badge of pedigree. Neatly, on this very day in 1964, Len Conway also walked back for nought, against Claributs Circus no less. Conway (1954–1965) went on to amass 12 ducks in a Linton career good for 56th all-time, and remains a founding member of the Debutante Duck club, having quacked on debut all those years ago. History, it seems, enjoys a good anniversary. Week in summary One duck from two matches is a quiet week by Linton's usual standards of triumphant failure — but the committee views scarcity as merely delayed abundance. Two whole XIs walked home unblemished, which frankly won't do for long. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 4 ducks / 13 innings (30.8%) 2. Ian Brattle — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.0%) 3. Stewart Morrison — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.6%) 4. Steve Masters — 2 ducks / 10 innings (20.0%) 5. Fred Cheesman — 2 ducks / 11 innings (18.2%) Ian Brattle's 40% strike rate remains the division's most dangerous crease — five outings, two spent handing the ball straight back with interest. Next fixture looms, and with it, fresh opportunity for the zero club to welcome new blood. Pads on, bats ready, standards — as ever — dubious. 🍩🏏0️⃣

Three fixtures out on the paddock this week and the ducks, uncharacteristically, kept their heads down. Just the one visitor to the exclusive zero club — but she was a quality arrival, so let's not undersell her. 🏏 2nd XI v Staplehurst CC Steve Cheesman came to the crease at number 8 on the 4th and departed bowled by Colin Breed, adding his name to this week's short but distinguished honours list. It's his first duck of the 1992 campaign and his 7th for the club overall, moving him to 99th of 1169 in the all-time reckoning from 39 innings — a solid, unspectacular consistency of a very particular kind. Neatly enough, on this very day back in 1973, Cliff Anscombe — a Linton stalwart of 1957 to 1975, Duck of the Year in 1957 no less, and a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club — was also trudging off for nought, his against Northend Sunday. Twenty-five ducks and a rank of 29th to his name, Cliff remains the standard against which any July 4th nought must be measured. Steve, on 7, still has some catching up to do, but every century of runs unscored begins with a single duck. Worth noting in passing — Steve keeps it in the family, with parent Fred Cheesman a fellow member on 25 career ducks and sibling Stuart making up the numbers on 1. A proper poultry dynasty in the making, though the Cheesman clan will need to actually duck in the same match before the Duck and Ducklings board comes calling. 🌱 Elsewhere The other two fixtures of the week passed off duck-free — a rare outbreak of competence up and down the order, or possibly just everyone getting their eye in before the real carnage resumes. The art of not scoring took a week off. 📊 Week in Summary Three matches, one duck, and Staplehurst CC can claim sole custody of it. A quiet week by Linton's usual standards of ceremonial collapse — make of that what you will. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Matt Large — 4 ducks from 13 innings (30.77%) - Ian Brattle — 2 ducks from 5 innings (40.0%) - Stewart Morrison — 2 ducks from 7 innings (28.57%) - Fred Cheesman — 2 ducks from 10 innings (20.0%) — yes, Steve's own father, quietly propping up the family average - Paul Gibson — 2 ducks from 16 innings (12.5%) Ian Brattle's 40% strike rate is the kind of number that would win most competitions, and here it's merely a mid-table concern. 🍩 Until next time The season rolls on and the ducks, this week, largely evaded capture. They won't be so lucky next weekend — the nets are set, the slips are in position, and somewhere out there a number 8 is already fingering their bat nervously. See you at the crease. 0️⃣🏏

Four fixtures, eight ducks, and Meopham CC doing the lion's share of the damage. Let's get into it. 1st XI v Meopham CC (away) - Brian Piper edged behind at three for nought, his 20th career duck and 39th all-time. Ducking clearly runs in the family — brother David Piper carries 7 of his own, and Piper kin Richard chips in with 2. On this very day in 1936, E Godden was doing the identical thing against Bearsted CC. - Piers McDonald followed him back lbw, a 12th career duck good for 59th all-time and a fully paid-up member of both the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens — same 1936 vintage as Brian for company. - Matt Large was bowled for his 4th of the season, padding out an already gilded honours board: four-time Duck of the Year (1987, '88, '89 — and currently 1992), a Debutante Duck, and top-ten spots in Lone, Homebody and Ducks on the Road. 33 career ducks moves him to 18th all-time, and 4 from 13 this season keeps him clear at the top of the charts. - Ian Brattle rounded off the top order collapse, caught for his 2nd of the season and 23rd career duck — 35th all-time, a "50 Before a 50" member (51 ducks, top score a mere 33), riding a run of 7 consecutive ducks, and paired for posterity with Michael Beeney. Brother Paul isn't far behind on 26. 2nd XI v Meopham CC (home) - Dave Todd fell caught for nought, an 8th career duck and 84th all-time — steady progress in the wrong direction. - Trevor Back was bowled without scoring, his 35th career duck and a top-15 all-time finish — Lone Duck, Homebody and Ducks on the Road top tens, with paired quacking honours alongside Allan Cooper and Jon Harris. - Steve Masters departed for nought off Ward's bowling — his maiden senior duck from just 8 innings, and it already earns him a place on the presumptive Retirement Duck board, reserved for those whose one duck may prove their last. Time will tell. Midweek XI v Shebbear College (home) - Stewart Morrison opened and closed almost as quickly, caught for his 2nd duck of the season and 10th career nought — already a Debutante Duck and agonisingly one position short of Full House nearly-man status. On this day in 1962, Len Conway made an identical duck on his own debut against Tilling Steven. Week in summary: 8 ducks from 4 matches, Meopham CC doing most of the collecting. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs — just honest, uncomplicated failure with the bat. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 13 inns, 4 ducks (30.8%) 2. Ian Brattle — 5 inns, 2 ducks (40.0%) 3. Stewart Morrison — 6 inns, 2 ducks (33.3%) 4. Fred Cheesman — 9 inns, 2 ducks (22.2%) 5. Paul Gibson — 15 inns, 2 ducks (13.3%) Matt Large sits pretty at the top, but the season's got plenty left to run. Next fixture is another chance for the zero club to welcome new (or repeat) members — see you there 🍩0️⃣🏏

The zero club welcomed five new entries this weekend, split evenly across a torrid Saturday at West Farleigh and a tougher-than-expected Sunday at home to Maidstone Dissidents. The 1st XI did all the heavy lifting — everyone else, for once, kept their bats and their dignity intact. Saturday 20th – away to West Farleigh CC Tim Baker helped himself to a brace of the club's finest. First to go was Nigel Thirkell, caught at slip for his 1st duck of the season and 47th of an extraordinary career — a colossal 769 innings deep and still climbing, good enough for 7th on the all-time list. A Duck of the Year winner back in 1986 and a fixture of both the Homebody and Tourist Duck top tens, Nigel remains locked in his Only Two Quacks pairing with the legendary Jim Hall. Fittingly, on this very day in 1970 Benny Bell also trudged off for nought, against Hythe. Next in was Dave Charlton, bowled by the same rampant Tim Baker for his 12th career duck from 75 innings — rank 54 of 1169 and, as it happens, sharing this very calendar date's misfortune with old boy Benny Bell too, 1970 vs Hythe once more. At number 11, Ian Brattle completed the West Farleigh clean sweep, bowled by Adrian Smith for a 22nd career duck. Ian is a proper honours-board regular: 7 Ducks in a Row, chasing "50 Before a 50" (51 ducks against a top score of just 33 — priorities, Ian), and paired eternally with Michael Beeney in Only Two Quacks. Rank 37 of 1169 and rising. And yes — on this same day in 1970, Benny Bell was busy failing at Hythe for a third time in this report alone. Sunday 21st – home to Maidstone Dissidents CC Alan Boyns fell caught for his 1st duck of the season and 10th of his career, 91 innings in, rank 66. A paid-up member of the Diamond Duck club from 1990 when he departed without troubling the scorers at all — today's effort was, relatively speaking, a marathon. On this day in 1987, Stewart Morrison made his own duck against Dimanchians. Lower down, Mark Stevens was bowled for his 1st career duck from just 5 innings — rank 454 and a long road ahead if he fancies catching the leaderboard. He shares his on-this-day fate with the same 1987 Stewart Morrison duck against Dimanchians. Week in summary Three matches, five ducks, and Tim Baker doing more damage with the ball than most bowlers manage in a month — two scalps in the same innings. West Farleigh took the lot on Saturday; Maidstone Dissidents mopped up the rest on Sunday. Nobody troubled a golden duck this week, which by Duck Club standards counts as restraint. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Matt Large — 12 inns, 3 ducks (25%) - Fred Cheesman — 8 inns, 2 ducks (25%) - Paul Gibson — 14 inns, 2 ducks (14.29%) - D Cooke — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - Jeremy Thorpe — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) Nobody currently on the books quite matches this week's crop for volume — plenty of scope for a new name to muscle into that top five next weekend. 🏏 See you at the crease. 0️⃣

A quieter week in the exclusive zero club, but the harvest was not entirely bare. Four fixtures, three ducks, and West Farleigh CC apparently doing rather good business as a supplier. 🏏 1st XI — West Farleigh CC (16 June, home) Openers are supposed to set the tone. Paul Gibson set it early, caught Brian Aiston off the bowling of Mick Beeney without troubling the scorers. It's his 2nd duck of the season and, more weightily, his 18th career nought from 244 innings — good enough for 42nd on the all-time list of dubious distinction. Gibson remains a proud Platinum Duck laureate from 1991, out first ball of a game that year, a standard he continues to flirt with. On this very day back in 1970, Cliff Anscombe was doing much the same thing against Ozonair — some traditions simply refuse to die. Down at number 8, Jeremy Thorpe kept the West Farleigh bowlers interested, caught Micky Back off Tim Baker. It's his 1st ever career duck, arriving inside just 3 innings — a brisk introduction to the club's darker arts, and enough to see him already installed as a Retirement Duck club member from some past farewell, though nobody is suggesting he's going anywhere yet. Fittingly, he shares his "on this day" companion with Gibson — Cliff Anscombe, still out there against Ozonair in 1970, evidently on repeat. 🏏 2nd XI — Sheldwich CC (13 June, away) Stewart Morrison came in at four and departed caught A Creed bowled A Christensen, his 1st duck of the season and 9th of a career now sitting at 70 innings, good for 81st all-time. Morrison remains a Debutante Duck club member from way back when his very first innings ended in a nought, and continues to loiter as a Full House nearly-man, ten of eleven positions ducked out, plus a fixture in the Lone Duck top 10 for good measure — the man simply cannot be dismissed twice in company. On this day in 1971, Graham Abel found the same fate against Bobbing Court CC. 📋 Week in Summary Three ducks from four matches is triumph through adversity in miniature — West Farleigh alone accounted for two of them, and the 1st and 2nd XIs did the honours between them while the rest of the club, disappointingly, batted on without incident. Consistency of a very particular kind continues at Linton Park. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 10 inns, 3 ducks (30.0%) 2. Fred Cheesman — 7 inns, 2 ducks (28.57%) 3. Paul Gibson — 12 inns, 2 ducks (16.67%) 4. D Cooke — 1 inn, 1 duck (100.0%) 5. Jeremy Thorpe — 2 inns, 1 duck (50.0%) D Cooke's 100% remains the standard nobody wants to beat, and Jeremy Thorpe has wasted no time cracking the top five in only his third innings. Matt Large leads the chase proper, with the field snapping at his heels. 🦆 The season presses on, and Linton's bowlers everywhere show no sign of mercy. Next fixture, further additions all but guaranteed — see you at the crease.

A quiet week for the Duck Hunting fraternity — three matches ventured out, but the exclusive zero club admitted just one new arrival. Still, when it's a returning champion doing the admitting, quality trumps quantity. 1st XI — away at Hollingbourne CC (9 June) Matt Large fell for nought at number four, caught Mike Palmer bowled Alan Ovenden, the week's sole casualty as the 1st XI made the trip to Hollingbourne. It's the 3rd duck of Matt's season and the 32nd of a career now standing at 133 innings — good enough for 18th on the all-time list of 1,168, and it keeps him firmly inside his own Duck of the Year 1992 season, a title that sits alongside earlier crowns from 1987, 1988 and 1989. A long-standing member of the Debutante Duck club, and cricket's answer to the nearly man on the Full House board — 10 of 11 batting positions ticked off, one stubborn gap still to fill. On this day in 1973, Mike Iliffe (1966–1987, 43 ducks, 9th all-time) was also adding to the club's history with a duck against Rumwood CC — proof that 9 June has always had a taste for the dreaded nought. Week in summary One duck from three matches is a positively restrained return by Linton standards — perhaps everyone else was saving themselves for the weekend. Matt Large did the honours solo, with the practised air of a four-time Duck of the Year. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 8 inns, 3 ducks (37.5%) 2. Fred Cheesman — 5 inns, 2 ducks (40.0%) 3. D Cooke — 1 inn, 1 duck (100.0%) 4. David Cook — 3 inns, 1 duck (33.33%) 5. Jim Hall — 3 inns, 1 duck (33.33%) Matt leads the pack, though D Cooke's flawless 100% strike rate shouldn't be dismissed lightly — one innings, one duck, nowhere to go but nowhere. Next fixture awaits, and with it the promise of fresh recruits to the zero club. Bring your bats, gentlemen — or don't bother. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Five fixtures on the go this week and the exclusive zero club welcomed six new entries, four of them in one glorious collapse. Here's the damage. Sunday 31 May — 1st XI v Leeds & Broomfield CC (home) A proper procession. T Merry and Adrian Samson shared four scalps for nought between them and the middle-lower order simply never turned up. - Paul Gibson (No.2) b T Merry — 1st duck of the season, 17th of a career now sitting at rank 44 of 1167. A paid-up Platinum Duck (out first ball of the game, 1991) for pedigree, though this one took longer than that. - David Cook (No.6) c Geoff Hunt b Adrian Samson — only his second senior innings for the club and already his first career duck banked, rank 352 of 1167. Building a collection early. - Matt Large (No.7) b T Merry — 2nd of the season, 31st of the career, rank 19 of 1167. Large is also the reigning Duck of the Year for 1992, and the trophy cabinet groans a little louder. - Jim Hall (No.8) b Adrian Samson — only his 1st of the season but a colossal 71st career duck, parking him at rank 2 of 1167 all-time. The honours board is practically a Hall of Fame in his name alone. Fittingly, all four keep the same historical company — on this very day in 1969, Benny Bell (1966–1975, 30 ducks, rank 20 of 1167) also trudged off for nought, against Tovil. Tuesday 2 June — 1st XI v The Mote CC (home) David Castle, opening the innings no less, fell b M Oxford for his 1st duck of the season and 17th of the career — rank 43 of 1167, drawing level with Paul Gibson from two days earlier. A Tourist Duck top 10 member besides. On this day in 1983, Ian Webb (1976–1986, 11 ducks) went the same way, against Ditton CC. Wednesday 3 June — Midweek XI v Ashford CC, Kent (away) Fred Cheesman c Vincent Tyrrell b J Kelleher — 2nd duck of the season, 25th of the career, rank 30 of 1167. A Full House member (a duck at every position 1 to 11 across the years) and clearly a family trade, with kin Steve (6 career ducks) and Stuart (1) also on the club's books. On this day in 1967, Alan Cridland (1965–1968, 3 ducks) made his own duck against Tovil Nomads CC. Week in Summary Six ducks from three of the five fixtures, with Sunday's Leeds & Broomfield collapse doing the heavy lifting alone. The other two matches passed off entirely fowl-free. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Fred Cheesman — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40.00%) 2. Matt Large — 2 ducks in 7 innings (28.57%) 3. D Cooke — 1 duck in 1 innings (100.00%) 4. David Cook — 1 duck in 2 innings (50.00%) 5. Jim Hall — 1 duck in 3 innings (33.33%) Next round of fixtures is on the horizon — who fancies joining the club this time? 🦆🏏0️⃣

A curiously quiet weekend on the Duck Hunting front. Four matches played, and yet the zero club admitted only a single new name to its ranks. Ducks, it seems, were having a lie-in. But what the weekend lacked in quantity, it made up for in ceremony — because this was no ordinary nought. 🏏 Saturday 23rd — 2nd XI away at Stockbury CC Batting at first wicket down, D Cooke departed for nought, bowled by S Parker, without so much as troubling the scorers. Ordinarily a footnote. Except this was D Cooke's very first innings in senior colours — meaning the Duck Club has, with impeccable comic timing, claimed a member on the very first ball of their Linton career. Step forward, then, onto the honours board: the Debutante Duck — that most bittersweet of inaugurations, arriving before the first run does. D Cooke enters the all-time standings at a respectable 342nd of 1165, a career duck tally of exactly 1 that can, at the very least, only go up from here. And in a pleasing quirk of the calendar — on this very day back in 1959, Basil Sears was doing precisely the same thing against Gore Court CC. Sears went on to make a proper career of it, finishing on 33 ducks across 1947–1975, good enough for 17th of 1165 all-time. D Cooke has 32 to go to catch him. No pressure. 📅 Elsewhere The 1st, 3rd and 4th XI fixtures all passed off in disappointingly fowl-free fashion — bats connecting with balls, runs being scored, standards generally being upheld. Frankly, unbecoming of a club with this heritage. We expect better next weekend. 🍩 Week in Summary - Matches played: 4 - Ducks recorded: 1 - Debutantes inducted: 1 A lean week by Linton's usual standards of glorious futility — but one debut duck on debut is worth ten routine ones, and D Cooke's name is now permanently etched where it matters. 0️⃣ Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - D Cooke — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - Fred Cheesman — 4 innings, 1 duck (25%) - Matt Large — 4 innings, 1 duck (25%) D Cooke leads the way early doors, though a 100% strike rate off a single innings is the sort of form that rarely survives contact with a second one. 🥇 Onwards to next weekend, where normal service — namely, batsmen finding increasingly creative ways to get back to the pavilion without scoring — will hopefully resume. The zero club never sleeps. 🦆

Five matches out on the field this week and the Duck Club harvest was, frankly, a lean one — just a single nought to report. But what it lacked in quantity it made up for in pedigree, because when Fred Cheesman falls, the honours board takes notice. 🏏 1st XI — Offham CC (away) Batting at six on the 19th, Fred Cheesman departed lbw b J- Smith without troubling the scorers — the club's lone duck of the week, and a fittingly distinguished one at that. It's his 1st of the 1992 season and, more weightily, his 24th career duck from 110 innings, keeping him planted at 31st in the all-time standings out of 1163. Fred arrives at this milestone as a proper club institution — back-to-back Duck of the Year honours in 1990 and 1991, a place in the exclusive Full House club (a duck at every position from 1 to 11, a feat of dedicated versatility), and a shared entry on Only Two Quacks alongside Adam Pooley. He's also no stranger to touring misfortune, sitting in the Tourist Duck top 10. Keeping it in the family, sons Steve (6 career ducks) and Stuart (1) are both paid-up members in their own right — the art of not scoring, evidently, runs in the blood. And in a delightful quirk of the calendar — on this very day, 19 May, back in 1974, Paul Bowles also strolled back for a duck, against Aylesford Paper Mills CC no less. Bowles, who played from 1965 to 1992, finished his career with a staggering 47 ducks, good for 7th all-time, plus Duck of the Year honours in 1966 and 1968 and his own share of the Only Two Quacks club with Adam Pooley. Eighteen years apart, same date, same fate — the ducks clearly keep a calendar of their own. 📅 Week in Summary A quiet week by Duck Club standards — one nought from five fixtures, proof that even the game's most reliable form of failure needs the occasional rest. Elsewhere across the club, all XIs largely kept their noses clean, which either speaks to fine batting or simply insufficient effort. We'll allow the former, for now. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Fred Cheesman — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Matt Large — 4 innings, 1 duck, 25% Early season, small sample sizes, but Fred already sets the pace — a 50% strike rate that would have any bowler purring and any batting coach wincing in equal measure. 🍩 The ducks may have gone quiet this week, but they never stay hidden for long. Next fixture, someone's walking back for nought — get your whites on and your name in the book. See you out there!

A rare and cruel sight at Linton Park this week: the exclusive zero club sat idle. One match played, and not a single soul could manage the discipline, the poise, the sheer application required to fail for nought. Eleven-plus batsmen took guard and, to a man, every one of them found a run somewhere. The art of not scoring, it seems, briefly deserted us. Whether this was bowlers off their game, batsmen inexplicably competent, or simply a conspiracy of the cricketing gods to deny the Duck Club its weekly harvest, we cannot say. What we can say is that the honours board gathers no new names this week, and the ducks, infuriatingly, evaded capture. Do not mistake this for good news. A quiet week for the Duck Club is a quiet week for cricket's finest tradition of triumph through adversity. We live in hope that normal service — nervous starts, generous edges, and the odd well-earned trudge back to the pavilion — resumes forthwith. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) An early and lonely leader in the 1992 standings, Matt currently holds a rather emphatic 50% strike rate for the wrong kind of milestone. Whether he can be caught — or indeed caught out again — remains to be seen. At present he stands entirely uncontested at the summit, which says as much about this week's shortage of ducks as it does about his own application at the crease. 📅 Looking Ahead The Duck Club does not take days like this lying down. Somewhere out there, a golden duck, a king pair, perhaps even a family affair lies in wait for a future fixture. Members are reminded that dismissal for nought is always just one indiscreet waft outside off stump away. Until then, bats up, guards taken, and here's hoping next weekend restores the natural order. 🦆 0️⃣ 🏏

Slim pickings this weekend for the Duck Club faithful — two fixtures out on the paddock, and the hunting party bagged just the one. Quality over quantity, as they say. Sunday NVKC Away at High Halstow CC, Matt Large came in at number seven and departed lbw to Colin Sykes without troubling the scorers — his 1st duck of the 1992 season and the 30th of a decorated career from 126 innings, good enough for 20th on the all-time list. On this very day back in 1959, Tony Tipples was doing much the same thing, ducking out against Harrietsham CC — some things never change on a Sunday in May. Matt arrives already garlanded in club lore — a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his very first innings, a permanent fixture in the Lone Duck, Ducks on the Road and Homebody Duck top tens, and eternally one place shy of completing the set as the Club's Full House nearly-man, stuck on 10 of 11 positions. And with 1992 still young, he's already sitting atop this year's Duck of the Year standings too, adding to crowns won in 1987, 1988 and 1989. The chasing pack has been served early notice. The weekend's other fixture kept its powder dry — not a duck to be found. Week in Summary One duck from two matches, a quiet one by Linton's usual standards, but Matt Large made sure the season's account stayed open for business. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Matt Large — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Early days yet in the 1992 hunting season, plenty of time for the rest of the club to muscle in on Matt's early lead. Pads on for next weekend — the ducks are out there, and they won't catch themselves. 🦆

A rare and troubling occurrence to open the file this week: one match played, and not a single soul troubled the Duck Club's books. All eleven at the crease got off the mark, denying the exclusive zero club its usual weekly intake. No golden ducks, no pairs, no king pairs, not so much as a nervous nudge to third man followed by the long walk back. The art of not scoring, it seems, was simply not practised on this occasion. Whether this is due to a sudden and alarming outbreak of competence, or simply that 1992's early fixtures haven't yet found their footing, the committee cannot say. Either way, the Duck Club watches on, patient as ever — the season is long, and consistency of this particular kind rarely lasts. 🍩 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard Nothing to report here either — the 1992 standings are yet to open their account. A blank leaderboard for a blank week: fitting, if faintly unsettling for those of us who prefer our cricket with a bit of ignominy in it. 🏏 Looking ahead Rest assured, dear members, this drought cannot last. Somewhere out there a nervous nick, a first-ball yorker, or a needless run-out is already being prepared with your name on it. The Duck Club committee remains on standby, quietly optimistic that normal service — nought, naught, and nothing at all — resumes at the very next fixture. Until then: bat carefully, or don't. We'll be watching either way. 0️⃣🦆