🦆 The Duck Pond

A rare and troubling development from Linton Park this week: the ducks went to ground. One match played, not a single nought recorded. Eleven-plus batsmen apparently strolled to the crease, had a look around, and simply declined to contribute to the cause. The exclusive zero club sat idle, its gates unopened, its honours board untroubled. Somewhere out there a bowler will be feeling very hard done by. Let the record show this is not retirement, not decline, merely a temporary and no doubt shameful lapse in standards. The art of not scoring is a discipline, and discipline occasionally has an off week. Normal service — by which we mean abnormal, ignominious, thoroughly celebrated service — is expected to resume shortly. 🍩 Week in Summary - Matches played: 1 - Ducks laid: 0 - Vibes: suspiciously fowl-free Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Sean Cook — 5 ducks in 9 innings (56%) 🥈 David Iliffe — 5 ducks in 18 innings (28%) 🥉 Paul Gibson — 5 ducks in 30 innings (17%) 4️⃣ Sean Riley — 4 ducks in 8 innings (50%) 5️⃣ Ian Brattle — 4 ducks in 13 innings (31%) Sean Cook leads on strike rate as well as tally, which is either a badge of honour or a cry for help — the committee has not yet decided which. Paul Gibson meanwhile keeps grinding out his fifth the hard way, across thirty innings of quiet endurance. Take note, gentlemen: consistency of this particular kind does not happen by accident. 0️⃣ A quiet week, then — but the season is far from over, and Linton's batsmen have shown before that a barren afternoon is rarely more than a warm-up. Next fixture, someone will oblige. We watch. We wait. We celebrate. 🏏🦆

Only two fixtures on the card this week, but the Anchorians match found room for a hat-trick of noughts, plus one further victim to keep the Midweek lads honest. Four ducks in all — a quiet week by Duck Club standards, but every one earns its place on the record. Sunday 23rd — 1st XI vs Anchorians CC (h) Three down at Anchorians, and none of them cheaply forgotten. David Iliffe fell at four, caught Jim Fish bowled G Cooper, his 5th duck of the season and 27th of a career now 123 innings deep — 22nd on the all-time list. David remains a paid-up member of the "Quacked by Kin" honour, sent packing back in '82 by his own relative Mike Iliffe (himself sitting on 43 career noughts), and was Duck of the Year that same summer. Neatly enough, this very date in 1972 saw the legendary Tim Thirkell, 54 ducks and 4th of all time, also trudge off for nought. Jim Hall went next at seven, bowled Barry Diplock, his 3rd of the summer and a mighty 57th for his career — 3rd on the all-time roll of dishonour from 378 innings. Jim's honours board could fill a pamphlet: back-to-back Duck of the Year in 1970 and 1977, top ten in both the Homebody and Lone Duck charts, and three separate "Quacking Together" partnerships. He shares his duck-date with Thirkell's 1972 effort too — some anniversaries just keep giving. Sean Cook completed the set at ten, bowled S Grubb, his 5th duck of the season from a mere 9 innings and 11th of his career. Sean currently wears the Duck of the Year 1984 crown, very much up for grabs as the season runs down. And yes, Thirkell was at it again on this same date in 1972 — starting to feel less like history and more like a curse. Wednesday 26th — Midweek XI vs Penshurst Park CC (a) A lone entry: Tim Theobald, caught by a fielder even the scorebook couldn't name, bowled E Fowler, his first duck of both the season and his young career from just three senior innings — 468th on the all-time list. Tim already holds his place in the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell, so this is merely business as usual for now. His parallel is a fine one — on this same date in 1965, Roy Clarke, Duck of the Year 1959 and 9th all-time with 40 ducks, also departed for nought. Week in summary Four ducks, two matches, three of them arriving in the same Anchorians innings — the Duck Club does enjoy a cluster. No pairs and no family affairs to report this time, just four honest individual failures. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Sean Cook — 5 ducks / 9 innings (55.6%) - David Iliffe — 5 ducks / 18 innings (27.8%) - Paul Gibson — 5 ducks / 30 innings (16.7%) - Sean Riley — 4 ducks / 8 innings (50.0%) - Ian Brattle — 4 ducks / 13 innings (30.8%) Cook and Iliffe both feature in this week's ducks and the season's top five — form, as ever, clusters where you least want it. Until the next fixture, when no doubt fresh names will queue for the honour. Pad up if you dare. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A quiet week in the fields, but the Midweek XI made sure the season's tally didn't stagnate. Two fixtures played, one of them entirely fowl-free, but the Wednesday trip yielded a couple of fresh entries for the ledger. 🏏 Midweek XI v Hawkenbury CC (home, Wed 19th) Openers Andy Woollett and Mike Elworthy shared the top of the order and, in a rare show of solidarity, shared a rendezvous with the pavilion gate soon after. Andy Woollett fell first, bowled by X Robertson to register his 2nd duck of the campaign and 11th of an increasingly distinguished career, nudging him to 52nd of 1057 in the all-time table from 120 innings — a rate that keeps him comfortably inside cricket's most exclusive zero club. Neatly enough, on this very calendar day back in 1982, David Iliffe was going through precisely the same ritual against Anchorians CC — and Iliffe, appropriately, is currently making a habit of it again, sitting pretty in this season's top five below. Not to be outdone, Mike Elworthy departed lbw to X King for his 4th duck of the season and 9th of his career, moving to 73rd of 1057 on the all-time roll of dishonour. A paid-up member of the Tourist Duck top 10, Mike continues to prove that not scoring is a feat he can manage anywhere in the country — home soil included, evidently. He too shares that same 1982 echo with David Iliffe, meaning Hawkenbury's bowlers can claim a small piece of history: two batsmen undone on the anniversary of a duck struck against an entirely different club altogether. The other midweek fixture, mercifully or regrettably depending on your appetite for comedy, produced not a single duck — full marks to all eleven for keeping the scorebook honest. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, both from the top of the Midweek XI order against Hawkenbury CC. A modest haul, but consistency of a very particular kind remains the club's watchword, and Woollett and Elworthy have both done their bit to keep the honours board ticking over. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Paul Gibson — 5 ducks in 29 innings (17.24%) 2. Sean Cook — 4 ducks in 8 innings (50.00%) 2. Sean Riley — 4 ducks in 8 innings (50.00%) 4. Ian Brattle — 4 ducks in 12 innings (33.33%) 5. David Iliffe — 4 ducks in 17 innings (23.53%) Sean Cook and Sean Riley's 50% strike rates remain a genuine marvel of triumph through adversity — coin-flip cricket at its finest. Gibson holds the outright lead for now, but with Iliffe's habit of finding trouble on this exact date in history, nobody should get too comfortable at the top. 🦆 Next fixture beckons, and with it the near-certainty of fresh additions to the ranks. The Duck Club never sleeps — see you at the crease, or more likely, on the walk back.

Three matches. Three completed innings' worth of opportunity. And not a single soul willing to oblige. For the first time this reporting period, the Duck Club must report the unthinkable: a barren weekend. The exclusive zero club held its doors open, the honours board dusted itself down in anticipation, and Linton Park's batsmen — every last one of them — simply declined the invitation. Somewhere out there, a run was scored off nearly every first ball faced, and the Duck Club can only look on in quiet professional disappointment. It happens. Even the art of not scoring has its off weeks. No ducks means no fresh chapters in the honours board this time round — no Full Members welcomed, no Debutante Ducks minted, no father-and-son double acts denied by a single run. The season's front-runners simply sit tight, tallies untouched, watching the rest of the field fail to close the gap. Which brings us to where it matters most — the race is far from over. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Paul Gibson — 5 ducks from 28 innings (18%) 🥈 Sean Cook — 4 ducks from 7 innings (57%) — the division's most efficient collector, statistically speaking 🥉 Sean Riley — 4 ducks from 8 innings (50%) 4️⃣ Ian Brattle — 4 ducks from 10 innings (40%) 5️⃣ David Iliffe — 4 ducks from 16 innings (25%) Sean Cook's 57% strike rate remains the number to fear this season — more than one innings in two ending in a walk back for nought. Paul Gibson leads on volume, but with Cook, Riley and Brattle all lurking on 4, this is very much a photo finish waiting to happen. One careless heave next weekend and the top of the table could be rewritten entirely. So rest easy, gentlemen — the reprieve is temporary. Ducks are patient creatures, and Linton Park's bowlers will be back next week with renewed intent. The Duck Club will be watching every dismissal with its usual solemn hope. 🍩0️⃣🏏

The Tour XI ventured deep into enemy territory for a fixture against Beacon CC, Cornwall — and returned with sunburn, seaside memories, and two fresh entries for the club's exclusive zero club. 🏏 Tour XI at Beacon CC, Cornwall First to fall was Allan Cooper, run out for nought at number three in a mix-up nobody was keen to claim ownership of. It's the 3rd duck of Allan's season and the 31st of a career now 208 innings deep, holding him steady at 16th in the all-time standings — rarefied company built one dismissal at a time. Allan is also a serial name in the club's "Only Two Quacks" ledger, having shared that dubious double-act with no fewer than three separate teammates down the years. On this very day in 1968, LPCC great Paul Bowles was doing much the same against Bearsted CC — Allan simply chose Cornwall for his own rendezvous with history. Not to be left out, Tim Thirkell followed at number ten, caught by R Hocking off the bowling of John Hutchins for his 2nd duck of the season. It's number 54 in a career now 438 innings long, and it keeps Tim parked at a lofty 4th on the all-time list — a paid-up member of the Full House club, having ducked at every position from 1 to 11, and a permanent fixture of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens alike. Fittingly, on a tour to Cornwall, the road-duck pedigree shows. Tim last topped the Duck of the Year table back in 1972, and with a name like his running through the club — son John, brothers Nigel and Simon, and further Thirkells besides all carrying career duck tallies of their own — the nought clearly runs in the blood. As with Allan, this too fell on the very date Paul Bowles made his 1968 duck against Bearsted CC — the club calendar apparently has a taste for symmetry. 📅 Week in Summary One match, two ducks, both from the Tour XI's middle-to-lower order on a long day away in Cornwall. No pairs, no families, no golden ducks this time round — just honest, workmanlike failure from two of the club's most decorated campaigners. Triumph through adversity, as ever. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Paul Gibson — 5 ducks in 25 innings (20%) 2. Sean Cook — 4 ducks in 7 innings (57.14%) 3. Sean Riley — 4 ducks in 8 innings (50%) 4. Ian Brattle — 4 ducks in 10 innings (40%) 5. David Iliffe — 4 ducks in 16 innings (25%) Sean Cook remains the season's most efficient collector, a barely believable 57% strike rate at the art of not scoring. The tour rolls on, and the season isn't finished with us yet. Who'll be adding to the tally at the next fixture? We watch. We wait. We celebrate. 🦆🍩

Six new inductees joined the exclusive zero club this week, courtesy of two fixtures — a grim afternoon at home to Old Anchorians CC and a tour double-header in Cornwall that agreed with nobody's batting. 1st XI v Old Anchorians CC (home, 26 Aug) David Iliffe fell lbw to J- Lycett for his 4th duck of the summer and 26th of a 121-innings career — 22nd on the all-time list and a Duck of the Year 1982 honours board member, not to mention once being "Quacked by Kin" by his own father Mike, who carries 43 career ducks himself. On this very day in 1979, Tim Thirkell (53 ducks, 4th all-time, Full House man) also made a duck against these same Old Anchorians — some fixtures clearly have it in for Linton batsmen. Steve Cheale was stumped off B Goodger for his 1st of the season and 4th overall, level with Charles Wycherley, Duck of the Year back in 1906, on the same tally. Steve's sibling David Cheale is no stranger to the club either, with 3 career ducks of his own — a fine show of family solidarity. Ian Brattle departed for his 4th of the season and 17th of his career, level with Robert Murray, a name from the 1958-65 era who took 179 innings to get there. Ian remains a paid-up "50 Before a 50" club member and shares Only Two Quacks honours with Michael Beeney. Ivan Diprose closed the innings bowled by C Marriott for his 1st senior duck in only his 4th innings, joining the one-and-done company of - Copeland, whose entire career amounted to a single innings and a single duck, back in 1979. Tour XI (away) Down in Cornwall, Paul Gibson enjoyed himself rather less than the tour committee intended. Bowled by R Fisher at St Austell for his 4th of the season, he returned a day later at Falmouth to nick Sean Williams to Jeremy Gimpson for his 5th — a grim pair to bookend the trip. On this same date in 1954 Stan Wratten made a duck against D Hambrook's XI, and in '65 Frank Brattle did likewise against Bearsted, so Paul keeps good historical company. Week in summary Five matches, six ducks, and two fixtures did all the damage — Old Anchorians clearly bring something out in us, and Cornwall was no kinder. Paul Gibson's pair was the standout feat, proof a change of scenery changes nothing. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Paul Gibson — 5 ducks / 24 innings (20.8%) - Sean Cook — 4 ducks / 7 innings (57.1%) - Sean Riley — 4 ducks / 8 innings (50.0%) - Ian Brattle — 4 ducks / 10 innings (40.0%) - David Iliffe — 4 ducks / 16 innings (25.0%) Four names locked on four apiece as the season enters its final furlong — plenty still to play for. Next fixture awaits, and the zero club never sleeps. See you out there 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three fixtures on the go this week and the 1st XI alone answered the call, surrendering four wickets for nought between them. A dubious honour, but honours all the same. Saturday 18th — 1st XI v Brackley CC (h) Opening the innings, Ian Webb departed cheaply, c D Hutton b R Heath — his 1st duck of the season and the 10th of a career now standing at 62nd in the all-time charts. Ian is a paid-up member of the exclusive Debutante Duck club, having blobbed on arrival, and keeps it in the family too — kinsman Ken Webb carries 3 career noughts of his own. Spookily, on this very day back in 1963 the club's all-time record holder John Thirkell (90 ducks, 1943–1977, five-time Duck of the Year) was also sent packing for nought, against The Mote CC. Good company, of a sort. Sunday 19th — 1st XI v Whitstable CC (h) A triple helping of ignominy as three batsmen fell in a row without scoring. Allan Cooper, b Tom Robertson at number 6, brings up his 2nd of the season and 30th career duck — 16th on the all-time list. A three-time inductee of the "Only Two Quacks" honours reel, having previously shared the indignity with Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back. On this day in 1956, John --'s Taylor was likewise dismissed for nought against Mote A. Mike Elworthy, b R Mills at 7, notches his 3rd duck of the campaign and 8th of his career, good enough for 79th all-time and a place on the Tourist Duck top 10 — evidently the away strips suit him no better than the home ones. He shares Cooper's ghostly company from 1956. Sean Cook, b R Mills at 8, made it a hat-trick of blanks for the innings — his 4th of the season and remarkably his 10th career duck already, from just 22 innings. That's a serious strike rate for failure, landing him 64th all-time. A fellow Debutante Duck alumnus, Sean also holds the Duck of the Year 1984 crown at present — and on this week's evidence, he's not relinquishing it lightly. Week in summary Four ducks from two of the weekend's three matches, Whitstable's attack doing the damage in triplicate on the Sunday. The third fixture, refreshingly, went duck-free — someone has to keep the average down. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Sean Cook — 4 ducks, 7 innings, 57.14% 🥈 Sean Riley — 4 ducks, 8 innings, 50.00% 🥉 David Lines — 3 ducks, 6 innings, 50.00% 4. Ian Brattle — 3 ducks, 7 innings, 42.86% 5. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks, 14 innings, 21.43% Sean Cook leads the way, but with fixtures still to come nobody's crown is safe. Get down to the ground next weekend and see who joins the exclusive zero club — the art of not scoring waits for no one. 🍩0️⃣🏏

A quiet few days by Duck Club standards — three matches came and went, and only one of them coughed up any noughts. But when the Midweek XI travelled to Bobbing Court CC on the 15th, the zero club got its evening's entertainment in a hurry. 🌙 Midweek XI – Bobbing Court CC (away) Ian Brattle, in at six, was bowled by C Drury for his 3rd duck of the season and 16th of his LPCC career — good enough for 39th on the all-time list of 1057. Ian remains a proud member of the "50 Before a 50" club (51 ducks against a top score of a mere 33 — the art of not scoring, refined), first joined the honours board with a Debutante Duck all those innings ago, and once strung together 7 consecutive ducks in a row, a feat of quite magnificent consistency. He also keeps it in the family — brother Paul Brattle sits on 25 career ducks of his own, so the gene pool clearly runs shallow when it comes to troubling the scorers. Spookily, on this very date back in 1964, club legend and all-time #1 duck-getter John Thirkell (1943–1977, 90 ducks) also walked back for nought — this time against Bowaters CC. Three batters later, Sean Cook followed him back, stumped by Unsure off the bowling of Daniel Ball for his 3rd duck of the season and 9th of his career, 72nd on the all-time roll. Sean, like Ian, first announced himself with a Debutante Duck years ago, but the one that matters right now is fresher — he currently holds the Duck of the Year 1984 title, and this latest addition only tightens his grip on it. And by pleasing coincidence, Sean shares that same 1964-echo with Ian — the very date John Thirkell was doing exactly the same thing against Bowaters CC two decades earlier. Two Middlewick men, one shared footnote in history. 📋 Elsewhere The other two fixtures in the period passed off entirely duck-free — eleven-a-side vegan affairs where everyone got off the mark. Bobbing Court, evidently, brought out the worst in Linton Park's lower order. 📊 Week in Summary Two ducks from three matches, both in the same innings, both at Bobbing Court. Modest pickings, but a fine reminder that the Duck Club never truly sleeps — it simply waits for the away trips. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Sean Riley — 7 inns, 4 ducks (57.14%) 2. Ian Brattle — 5 inns, 3 ducks (60.00%) 3. Sean Cook — 5 inns, 3 ducks (60.00%) 4. David Lines — 6 inns, 3 ducks (50.00%) 5. Simon Thirkell — 13 inns, 3 ducks (23.08%) Sean Riley clings to top spot, but with Ian and Sean Cook both boasting a juicier duck-rate, the race for Duck of the Year is far from settled. Next fixture, the zero club opens its doors again — bring your bats, gentlemen, and try not to qualify. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Not much for the hunters to feast on this week — a single afternoon at Benenden, a single fall of a wicket to nought. But when the exclusive zero club only opens the gate once, it makes sure the entrant is a name worth reading. 🏏 1st XI — away to Benenden CC Coming in at five, David Iliffe made his customary contribution to the ledger, caught Gary Marshall bowled Roger Lake. A tidy dismissal for a tidy man of numbers — this is his 3rd duck of the 1984 season and his 25th for the club overall, moving him to a very respectable 25th of 1,054 in the all-time standings from 120 innings. Consistency of a very particular kind. David is no stranger to this honours board — he took the Duck of the Year crown back in 1982, the same summer he and his relation Mike Iliffe combined for a "Quacked by Kin" entry. Speaking of which, Mike remains very much in the family business, sitting on 43 career ducks of his own — clearly the art of not scoring runs in the blood. And in a delightful quirk of the calendar, on this very day in 1895 one Ernest Cruttenden was also strolling back for nought, against Rochester CC of all opponents. Cruttenden went on to finish his 1881–1912 career with 10 ducks and the 1895 Duck of the Year title itself — proof that history does like to rhyme, even in failure. 📋 Week in Summary One match, one duck, one gentleman quietly extending his tally while the rest of the club, for once, kept its collective head down. Benenden will not remember much about this fixture. The Duck Club will remember all of it. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Sean Riley — 4 ducks / 7 innings (57.14%) 2. David Lines — 3 ducks / 6 innings (50.00%) 3. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks / 12 innings (25.00%) 4. David Iliffe — 3 ducks / 15 innings (20.00%) 5. Paul Gibson — 3 ducks / 17 innings (17.65%) Sean Riley still sets the pace at a formidable clip, but the chasing pack is bunched tight enough that next weekend's fixtures could easily reshuffle the top table. 🍩 Same time next match, ducklings — the season waits for no one, and neither does the slip cordon. 0️⃣🏏🦆

Two fixtures out on the park this weekend and, for once, not a single soul troubled the Duck Club's membership secretary. Eleven-and-eleven, over and over, and every single bat found some contact with leather. The exclusive zero club held no induction ceremony this week — the ducks, it seems, migrated elsewhere. A quiet weekend for the art of not scoring. No golden ducks, no king pairs, no fresh names on the honours board, and certainly no family affairs to report. Frankly, suspicious levels of competence all round. One does wonder whether certain regulars were deliberately playing themselves in out of spite. Still, the season is young and the Duck Hunting campaign continues to simmer nicely beneath the surface. Form is temporary, but a taste for the nought is forever — normal service will surely resume next weekend. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Sean Riley — 4 ducks from 7 innings (57.14%) 🥈 David Lines — 3 ducks from 6 innings (50.00%) 🥉 Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks from 12 innings (25.00%) 4️⃣ Paul Gibson — 3 ducks from 16 innings (18.75%) 5️⃣ Ian Brattle — 2 ducks from 3 innings (66.67%) Sean Riley continues to set the pace with a frankly alarming strike rate for failure, though Ian Brattle's 66.67% from just three trips to the crease suggests a challenger is quietly gathering pace. Simon Thirkell and Paul Gibson keep grinding away in the shadows — proof that consistency, of a very particular kind, always finds its reward eventually. 🏏 Roll up next weekend, LPCC — the middle stump is calling, and somewhere out there a nought is waiting to be claimed. 0️⃣🦆

Three fixtures. Three completed innings' worth of batting across the club. And not a single nought to show for it. A quiet week, then, for the exclusive zero club — the sort of week that makes a Duck Correspondent reach for the thesaurus just to describe nothing happening. Bearsted, Egerton, wherever it was, the lads apparently kept getting bat on ball, which is frankly poor form from a reporting perspective. The art of not scoring was, this week, simply not practised. Somewhere out there a batsman nicked one to slip and got dropped. Somewhere a nervous forward defensive found the middle instead of the edge. The ducks evaded capture entirely — camouflaged, presumably, among all these unwelcome runs. Still, the season's serial offenders need no match action to keep their names in lights. The Duck Hunting Season leaderboard ticks along regardless, a monument to consistency of a very particular kind. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Sean Riley — 4 ducks from 7 innings (57.14%) 🥈 David Lines — 3 ducks from 6 innings (50.00%) 🥉 Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks from 12 innings (25.00%) 4️⃣ Paul Gibson — 3 ducks from 15 innings (20.00%) 5️⃣ Ian Brattle — 2 ducks from 3 innings (66.67%) Special mention to Ian Brattle, who at 66.67% is doing more damage in three innings than most manage in a career, and to Sean Riley, whose 57% strike rate for nought suggests the middle stump has become something of a personal rival. A word of caution to the top five, however: a quiet week is not a retirement from these duties. The ducks are merely regrouping, and history suggests they always return with interest. 📅 Onward to the next fixture, then, where normal service — dropped edges, playing around straight ones, the occasional golden duck for the connoisseurs — will surely resume. The zero club never stays empty for long. 🦆 0️⃣

Two fixtures this weekend, and one of them turned into an absolute banquet for the Duck Club. Away at Horton Kirby CC on Saturday, the top order simply evaporated — five ducks in a single innings, four of them served up by the same bowler. Sunday, mercifully, was a duck-free affair. 🏏 Saturday — 1st XI at Horton Kirby CC First to go was Paul Bowles, held by C Burgham off J Massiah for his 1st duck of the season. It's his 43rd career nought, good for 8th on the all-time list, adding to a cabinet already holding two Duck of the Year gongs (1966, 1968) and a place among the Ducks on the Road elite. Next in, Jim Hall fell the same way for his 2nd of the season and 56th of his career — 3rd all-time, no less — on an honours board so crowded (a Debutante Duck entry from his first-ever knock, three separate Quacking Together partnerships, Lone Duck top 10) there's barely room to engrave him again. J Massiah then worked steadily through the middle and lower order. Sean Riley was bowled for his 4th of the season, making him the current Duck Hunting Season pacesetter, and his 7th career duck — a tally that also carries a Retirement Duck club membership from a past farewell, safely historical and nothing to do with today. Simon Thirkell, the latest instalment of a proper Thirkell duck dynasty (father John on 90 career noughts, brothers Tim on 53 and Nigel on 32), was bowled for his 3rd of the season and 13th career duck, and already carries a "50 Before a 50" club entry of his own. Last man Ian Brattle was held by C Burgham off Massiah for his 2nd of the season and 15th career duck, a brisk 66.7% strike rate this season, and joins his sibling Paul Brattle (25 career ducks) in keeping the family name on the "Ducks in a Row" and "50 Before a 50" boards. As it happens, this very day back in 1956 also produced a Linton duck, when A Hughes fell to A. Trembeths — fitting company for a proper collapse. 🌱 Sunday — Duck-Free A quieter affair with no additions to the ledger. Everyone got off the mark. Enjoy it while it lasts. 📊 Week in Summary 5 ducks from 2 matches, every one of them concentrated in that one horror innings at Horton Kirby. J Massiah can fairly consider himself an honorary Duck Club patron after single-handedly supplying four of the five. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Sean Riley — 4 ducks, 7 innings (57.1%) - David Lines — 3 ducks, 6 innings (50.0%) - Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks, 11 innings (27.3%) - Paul Gibson — 3 ducks, 15 innings (20.0%) - Ian Brattle — 2 ducks, 3 innings (66.7%) Sean Riley leads the race, but Ian Brattle's strike rate is the one to watch nervously from the pavilion. Next fixture, the ducks will be waiting — bring your bat, and preferably some runs to go with it. 🦆🍩

A weekend at Linton Park delivered five fresh entries to the exclusive zero club — three at Staplehurst on the Saturday, a Sunday pair back on home turf against Aylesford Paper Mills CC. Consistency of a very particular kind, as ever. 🏏 Saturday — away at Staplehurst CC Tim Thirkell strolled out at three and departed just as swiftly, caught Chris Rogers bowled Anthony West. A first season duck, but career duck number 53 — a mighty 4th on the all-time leaderboard of 1,054. A past Duck of the Year (1972), Tim decorates the Full House, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, and shares Quacking Together honours with Jim Hall. Keep it in the family too — his kin John Thirkell sits top of the all-time pile on 90. And on this very date in 1979, Paul Brattle also made a duck, fittingly enough given who's walking out at ten today. Fred Cheesman followed at seven, lbw to Ian Pullen — his own first duck of the season and tenth of a career already honoured on the Full House board and the Tourist Duck top ten. Same 1979 echo from Paul Brattle applies. And speaking of Brattles — Ian Brattle became Pullen's second Staplehurst scalp, bowled at ten. Season duck one, career duck 14, and a proud member of Ducks in a Row (seven straight), Debutante Duck and 50 Before a 50. The neat twist: his own brother Paul Brattle, on 25 career ducks, is precisely the man history serves up as today's parallel. 🏏 Sunday — home to Aylesford Paper Mills CC Andy Woollett departed for four, caught off an uncertain fielder bowled P Haynes, his tenth career duck. On this same day in 1975, club legend Jim Hall — 55 ducks, third all-time and decorated almost beyond counting — was doing precisely the same thing. Sean Riley then compounded matters at eight, bowled Pete Webster, his third duck of the season already and sixth of a career that the honours board insists ended in retirement glory. Sean's hot streak now tops the season charts outright. 📊 Week in Noughts Five ducks from two matches, with Staplehurst doing most of the damage — Ian Pullen alone claimed two victims for the price of one afternoon's toil. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Sean Riley — 3 ducks/5 inns (60%) 2. David Lines — 3/6 (50%) 3. Paul Gibson — 3/14 (21.4%) 4. Sean Cook — 2/4 (50%) 5. Martin Larkin — 2/9 (22.2%) The next fixture waits to add its own names to the annals. The ducks never rest — nor, evidently, do we. 🦆🍩

Two fixtures on the books this week, and the exclusive zero club kept its books admirably tidy — just the one match troubling the scorers, but it did so with a flourish worthy of the honours board. 🏏 1st XI v XII Men Sean Riley strode in at four and departed courtesy of a smart take by J Richards off John Hartridge — the sort of dismissal that looks entirely blameless in the scorebook and entirely damning in the duck ledger. It's his 2nd of the season and a tidy 5th of an already storied career spanning 34 innings, good enough for 109th of 1,054 in the all-time standings. Sean is also a card-carrying member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell innings, so form suggests he knows how to make an exit memorable for all the wrong reasons. Pleasingly for the archivists, on this very day back in 1962 Len Conway — he of 12 career ducks and a spot at 49th all-time — was also dismissed for nought against Tilling Steven, proving the calendar has long had a taste for this sort of thing. Not to be left out, Martin Larkin followed at seven, bowled by David MacInnes for his own 2nd of the season, moving his career tally to a round 10 from 63 innings and a solid 60th place overall. Martin, too, carries the Retirement Duck honour from years gone by — a club evidently well represented in this fixture. And rather fittingly, Martin shares his on-this-day companion with Sean: Len Conway's 1962 duck against Tilling Steven does double duty as the historical echo for both of today's fallen. Two ducks from the same innings against the same opposition — a concentrated little harvest rather than a broad one, but the club has never been about quantity over ceremony. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, both delivered by the 1st XI in the same innings against XII Men — the other fixture, disappointingly, passed off entirely duck-free. No pairs, no family affairs, no king ducks to report this week. Sometimes the art of not scoring simply needs a quiet week to recharge. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. David Lines — 3 ducks from 6 innings (50%) 2. Paul Gibson — 3 ducks from 13 innings (23.08%) 3. Sean Cook — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50%) 4. Sean Riley — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50%) 5. Martin Larkin — 2 ducks from 9 innings (22.22%) Both of this week's fallen already sit proudly in the top five — Sean and Martin clearly not content to merely watch the race from the sidelines. 🍩 Roll on the next fixture. The season is young, the bowlers are keen, and there is always room on the honours board for one more name. See you at the crease — or, quite possibly, back in the pavilion rather sooner than planned. 0️⃣🦆

Four matches, six ducks, and the 1984 season keeps proving that scoring nought is a skill all of its own. Here's who joined the exclusive zero club this week. Saturday 23 June — 1st XI away to West Farleigh CC David Iliffe fell lbw b Micky Back at number nine, his 2nd duck of the season and 24th of a fine career spanning 114 innings — 26th on the all-time list. A former Duck of the Year (1982), David also sits proudly in the "Quacked by Kin" club courtesy of father Mike Iliffe, who's amassed 43 of his own. On this very day in 1979, David Carden made a duck against Hythe CC — the tradition of returning on 23 June lives on. Sean Riley followed him back, bowled Mick Beeney at ten, his 1st duck of the season and 4th career one from 33 innings, rank 130. He shares David Iliffe's on-this-day distinction too — Carden clearly started something in 1979. Sunday 24 June — 1st XI home to Dimanchians CC David Lines was caught J Saville, bowled Pete Best at seven — his 3rd duck of the season already, and 4th in a remarkably brisk 9 career innings, rank 118. Kin note: relative Bob Lines carries a single career duck of his own. On this day in 1975, Ian Brattle made a duck at Leybourne CC on his way to 13 for his career and a place on the "Ducks in a Row" board — seven consecutive, no less. Tuesday 26 June — 1st XI away to Hollingbourne CC Martin Larkin was bowled by Dave Hinks at eight, his 1st duck of the season and 9th career one from 62 innings, rank 70. On this day in 1971, Andrew Moss made a duck against Tilling Steven, eventually retiring on 10 for his career. Wednesday 27 June — Midweek XI away to Sevenoaks & District Wednesday CC S Hallbrook enjoyed a fine spell of poultry farming, claiming two. Paul Gibson went for his 3rd duck of the season, bowled at five — level with David Lines at the top of the current duck-hunting standings, though a gentler 25% strike rate across 12 innings, rank 164. On this day in 1936, E Godden made a duck against Bearsted CC, finishing his career on a single entry but taking Duck of the Year 1936 for the trouble. And a ceremonial one to close the week: J Winnington, walking out at eight for his very first senior innings, departed for nought without troubling the scorers. A genuine Debutante Duck — first ball faced, first innings played, first entry in the book. He's provisionally logged on the "One and Done" board for 1984, though the club sincerely hopes he'll be back to spoil that particular statistic. He too made his duck on E Godden's day, 27 June, joining Paul Gibson in good historical company. Week in summary: six ducks, four matches, one very productive bowler in Hallbrook, and David Lines now setting the early pace for Duck of the Year with three already banked. Two debutants' worth of honours-board admissions and not a single golden duck among them — everyone at least troubled the bowler before departing. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. David Lines — 5 innings, 3 ducks, 60.0% 2. Paul Gibson — 12 innings, 3 ducks, 25.0% 3. Sean Cook — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67% 4. Simon Thirkell — 8 innings, 2 ducks, 25.0% 5. David Iliffe — 9 innings, 2 ducks, 22.22% The season rolls on, and with it the endless hunt for nought. Get your scorebooks ready for next weekend — the ducks never take a rest for long. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three fixtures fell across this short period, but the exclusive zero club kept its guest list mercifully short — just one name added to the honours this week. Scarcity, as ever, only sharpens the ceremony. 1st XI — v Maidstone YMCA CC (home, 19 June) Opening the batting and opening the club's account for the week, Bob Lines departed caught John Golding, bowled R Warboys. It's his first duck of the 1984 season and, rather more significantly, his very first career duck for Linton Park — arriving, with a certain dramatic patience, in just his 22nd senior innings. A quiet initiation into the art of not scoring, and Bob steps straight onto the all-time list at 283rd of 1053. Plenty of illustrious company further up that particular ladder for him to chase. A pleasing coincidence for the archivists: on this very day back in 1955, Richard Harris — a Linton fixture from 1940 to 1982, and no stranger to the nought with 36 career ducks to his name, good for 11th all-time — also trudged off for a duck, against 1st Innings Hambros Bank. Some calendar dates evidently have a taste for it. There's a family thread here too. Bob's kin David Lines is already a paid-up member of these dubious proceedings with 3 career ducks banked — and, as luck would have it, David turns up further down this very report, propping up the season's leaderboard. Week in summary Three matches, one duck — the flock largely evaded capture this week, content to let the club draw breath before the next onslaught. Batting at number one, no less, so at least Bob had the decency to get it out of the way early. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇🦆 1. Sean Cook — 2 ducks in 2 innings (100%) 2. David Lines — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50%) 3. Simon Thirkell — 2 ducks in 7 innings (28.57%) 4. Paul Gibson — 2 ducks in 9 innings (22.22%) 5. Mike Elworthy — 2 ducks in 14 innings (14.29%) Sean Cook sits imperiously top of the pile on a flawless 100% strike rate — two from two, the platonic ideal of consistency, of a very particular kind. The rest of the chasing pack will need to pull their fingers out if they fancy dislodging him before season's end. 🍩 Roll on the next fixture, when the ducks — inevitably — return in greater numbers. The zero club never closes its doors. 🦆0️⃣

Four matches, seven ducks, and Rumwood CC alone doing the club a great service by removing three Linton batsmen without troubling the scorers. The zero club has had a busy few days. Saturday 9th June — Rumwood CC (away) Mike Elworthy fell early, bowled by N Woodhams for his 6th career duck in 52 innings, moving to 86th on the all-time list and keeping his Tourist Duck top 10 pedigree well polished — fitting, since this one came on the road too. On this very day in 1973, Mike Iliffe also made a duck against Rumwood CC, en route to 43 career noughts and 7th on the all-time roll. Elworthy, as it turned out, wasn't finished with Rumwood either. Simon Thirkell followed, bowled by Mick Palmer for his 11th career duck from 42 innings, 51st all time, a fully paid-up member of 50 Before a 50, Ducks on the Road top 10, and Duck of the Year back in 1983. The surname will need no introduction — father John Thirkell sits alone atop the all-time charts with 90, while brothers Tim (52) and Nigel (32) keep the family album comfortably stocked. Simon shares Elworthy's Mike Iliffe parallel from '73. Last man John Hansford completed the Rumwood rout, held by Paul Kinnill off Mick Palmer for his 2nd career duck — remarkably his 2nd in only 3 innings, a start brisk enough that he's already banked a Retirement Duck credit from an earlier stint, though on this evidence he's some way from needing it again. He too walked in Iliffe's footsteps from 1973. Monday 11th June — Maidstone Etceteras (home) Two days on, Mike Elworthy was back among the fallen, caught off R Relf for his 7th career duck — his second of the weekend, completing a pair alongside Simon Thirkell, who also returned for round two, bowled by Colin Pay for career duck number 12. Both men can thank, or blame, this fixture for doubling their tally inside 48 hours. On this day in 1978, Brian Woodcock made a duck against Leigh CC, Kent, on his way to 4 career ducks — a parallel both now share. David Lines joined the procession, stumped by Keith Hatcher off Mike Thorndycraft — a refreshingly rare mode of dismissal for the zero club — his 3rd career duck from just 7 innings. Like Hansford, he already carries a Retirement Duck credit from an earlier career, filed away for now. Lines shares the Woodcock 1978 parallel too. Tuesday 12th June — The Mote CC (away) Sean Cook capped the week, caught off N Jackson for his 8th career duck from 17 innings, 83rd all time. Cook already holds a Debutante Duck credit from his first-ever knock, but the honour that matters this week is the other one on his board — Duck of the Year 1984 — and on current form he is very much the man to catch. On this day in 1960, John Abnett made a duck against Halfway House, one of four in a row that season, en route to 18 career ducks and 36th on the all-time list. Week in summary: seven ducks from four matches, with Rumwood CC alone accounting for three of them, and one fixture escaping the cull entirely. Elworthy and Thirkell both managed the rare feat of a pair inside the same weekend — efficient, if nothing else. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Sean Cook — 2 ducks from 2 innings (100%) - David Lines — 2 ducks from 3 innings (66.67%) - Simon Thirkell — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33.33%) - Paul Gibson — 2 ducks from 8 innings (25%) - Mike Elworthy — 2 ducks from 13 innings (15.38%) Sean Cook leads the 1984 race, though the season's young yet and the chasing pack knows exactly where to find the middle stump. Next fixture, same invitation stands. See you all out there. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three matches, three ducks, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees. A quieter week by Linton standards, but quality over quantity, as ever, in the art of not scoring. 🏏 1st XI Saturday 2nd June brought the visit of Chatham Nomads, and it was Nick Dunham, in at four, who fell first — bowled C Jordan for his 1st duck of the season. It's Nick's 2nd career duck from 16 innings, good enough (or bad enough) for 226th on the all-time roll of 1051. Nick already has a line reserved on the Retirement Duck honours board from a previous chapter of his innings — evidently unbothered, as he's straight back out there collecting more. On this very day back in 1983, Ian Webb (1976–1983) was doing much the same against Ditton CC, on his way to 9 career ducks and a spot in the Debutante Duck club. Three days later against West Farleigh, Paul Gibson became the second 1st XI man to be shown the door, bowled by Mick Beeney at number five. It's his 2nd duck of the season and, handily, his 2nd career duck too, from just 6 innings — an alarming strike rate that already has him leading this season's Duck Hunting standings. He joins the list at 230th of 1051. On this day in 1973, Terry Donovan — Duck of the Year 1964 and a Full House nearly-man — was also walking back against the splendidly named Newport Fugitives. 🌊 Sunday NVKC Underriver CC provided Sunday's entertainment, where Allan Cooper was run out for nought at number seven — his 1st duck of the season, but his 29th career duck from a mighty 197 innings, keeping him a lofty 20th of 1051 all time. Allan is a veteran of the Only Two Quacks honours board no fewer than three times over, alongside Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back — clearly a man who likes company in his misery. Rewind to this day in 1967 and Alan Cridland was performing the same trick against Tovil Nomads CC, on his way to 3 career ducks. 📊 The Week in Brief Three matches, three ducks, three different ways to get out — bowled, bowled, run out. No pairs, no family affairs this time round, just steady, honest attrition. The zero club never sleeps. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Paul Gibson — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33%) 2. Sean Cook — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 3. David Lines — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) 4. Nick Dunham — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) 5. Nigel Stallard — 1 duck from 4 innings (25%) Paul Gibson sets the early pace, but with the season still young there's plenty of time for the field to close in. Next fixture, same story: someone, somewhere, will be walking back before troubling the scorers. We'll be watching. 🦆🍩

A quiet week down at Linton Park, and not the good kind. Two matches came and went across the period and, remarkably, not a single member of either XI could be persuaded to depart for nought. Bats were applied to balls, at least once each, by everyone who walked out. The zero club held no induction ceremony this week — the exclusive order of the duck stayed resolutely unrecruited. It happens. Even the most dedicated collectors have their off weeks, and this was evidently one of them. Somewhere out there a golden duck, a king pair, perhaps even a modest family affair sat waiting to be claimed, and the Linton top order simply declined the invitation. Consistency of a very particular kind requires application, and this week nobody applied themselves to the art of not scoring. Let it not be said the Duck Club rests easy on a blank week, though — a fallow patch is merely the tension before the next collapse. Somewhere between now and the next fixture, someone is due. 0️⃣ Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 0️⃣ 1. Sean Cook — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 2. David Lines — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% 3. David Iliffe — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% 3. Nigel Stallard — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% 5. Malcolm Pay — 5 innings, 1 duck, 20% Sean Cook leads the way on a perfect record — one innings, one duck, nowhere to go but sideways. The chasing pack will fancy their chances of closing the gap the moment anyone actually gets out for nought again. 🏏 Onward to the next fixture, where surely — surely — someone will do the honourable thing and gift the club its next entry. The Duck Club never sleeps, even when, for one week only, the ducks did. 🦆

A vintage little haul this week for the exclusive zero club, five new entries recorded across three fixtures, and the 1st XI doing all the heavy lifting. Read on for the art of not scoring, 1984 vintage. 🏏 v Rumwood CC (12 May, home) Nigel Stallard, in at three, stumped by Robin Venner off Sam Simmonds for his first duck of the season. It's also his maiden career nought, just his 1st in 4 innings, and he slots in at 418th of 1051 in the all-time reckoning. On this day back in 1906, D H Luck was performing the same ceremony against Town Malling CC, proof that the art of not scoring never goes out of fashion. 🏏 v St Lawrence & Highland Court CC (13 May, home) A proper raid here, three ducks in a single innings. Malcolm Pay, at two, caught C Wells bowled R Harriott. Season duck number one, but career duck number 23 from a hefty 202 innings, good enough for 30th all time. A chip off the old block, too, his sibling Colin Pay carries a career duck of his own. On this very day in 1961, William Agate was falling to Charles Arkcoll in exactly the same fashion. David Lines followed at nine, caught G Brearly bowled A Drake, his 2nd career duck from just 6 innings and 191st on the all-time list. Lines carries lifetime membership of the Retirement Duck honours board from a past farewell, a standing distinction rather than any comment on his continued and very much active participation this week. Like Malcolm before him, he found himself keeping company with William Agate's 1961 effort against Charles Arkcoll. Sean Cook rounded things off at ten, run out amid some confusion, his 7th career duck from 16 innings and 85th all time. Cook is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his own first-innings nought some seasons back, and rather more relevantly he currently holds the Duck of the Year 1984 crown, so this one only tightens his grip on the title. Him too, level with William Agate's 1961 vintage against Charles Arkcoll, quite the popular date in the calendar. 🏏 v Addington Village CC (15 May, home) Paul Gibson, at two, stumped T Francis bowled John Scott. A tidy season-opening duck and his very first career nought too, from just 4 innings, ranking 425th all time. On this day in 1968, Fred Greenfield was doing likewise against Reeds CC. 📋 Week in Summary Five ducks, three matches, one team doing all the damage, and one memorable middle-order collapse against St Lawrence & Highland Court that yielded three noughts in a single innings. The 1st XI's top order will want a word with itself. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Sean Cook — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - David Lines — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Nigel Stallard — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - David Iliffe — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% - Malcolm Pay — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% Sean Cook sits pretty atop the pile for now, but with the season young there's ample time for the field to close in. Roll on the next fixture, the ducks are surely still out there. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A quiet weekend for the county at large, but the 1st XI kept the exclusive zero club fully staffed with two fresh admissions. Two ducks from three matches — the art of not scoring alive and well at Linton Park. 🏏 Saturday 5th May — Bidborough CC (away) David Iliffe, in at first wicket down, was caught J Garvie bowled David Tolhurst for the most traditional of noughts. It's his 1st duck of the summer and 23rd of an increasingly distinguished career, good enough for 28th on the all-time list of 1051. David is a Duck of the Year alumnus from 1982 and, rather touchingly, was "Quacked by Kin" that same year by his own relative Mike Iliffe — who, for the record, sits on 43 career ducks himself, so the family clearly has form. Uncannily, on this very day back in 1974, Paul Bowles (1965–1984, 42 ducks, 8th all-time) also made a duck against Leeds and Broomfield. History does love to repeat itself in Linton whites. 🏏 Monday 7th May — Bearsted CC (away) Jim Hall's contribution ended in the least satisfying way cricket offers — run out, "unsure" as to whose call it was, for nought. His 1st duck of the season is his 55th overall, which parks him at a startling 3rd of 1051 in the all-time standings — genuinely rarefied poultry. Jim's honours board reads like a club history in itself: Debutante Duck, back-to-back Duck of the Year in 1970 and 1977, a Full House nearly-man on 10 of 11 batting positions, and no fewer than three separate "Quacking Together" partnerships with Jon Harris, Martin Mears and Tim Thirkell. Coincidentally, on this same date in 1978, Malcolm Pay (1965–1984, 22 ducks, 32nd all-time) also fell for a duck against Biddenden CC — the calendar has a long memory. 📋 Week in Summary Three matches, two ducks, one team doing all the damage — the 1st XI cornered the market this week while the rest of the club kept their heads down. No pairs, no family affairs, just two honest noughts delivered with proper ceremony. Early season, plenty of time yet. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. David Iliffe — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) 2. Jim Hall — 1 duck / 4 innings (25%) Iliffe sets an early, alarming pace on a 50% strike rate — someone will surely dislodge him soon enough. The board stays wide open this early in the season. 🍩 Next fixture awaits. The zero club never closes its books — bring your bat, or don't bother bringing it at all. See you out there.

A rare and faintly disappointing weekend for the Duck Club faithful. Two matches played across Saturday and Sunday, and not a single nought to show for it. Eleven-plus batsmen a side, every one of them somehow contriving to trouble the scorers. The exclusive zero club held no inductions, no milestones, no father-and-son near-misses to tease — nothing. The art of not scoring, it seems, was simply not practised this week. We shan't pretend this is anything other than a lean patch. Ducks are, by their nature, unpredictable creatures — they do not appear to order, however keenly we might will one into existence from the boundary rope. Early season, cold bats, and perhaps a touch too much application all round. It happens. Consistency, even of this very particular kind, cannot be manufactured on demand. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard The 1984 table remains a blank page — no ducks recorded yet this season, so no names to parade and no percentages to boast. A rare state of grace for all concerned, and surely not one that will last. Fear not, members. The season is young, the wickets are yet to dry out, and somewhere out there a careless waft or an unplayable jaffa is already being prepared with our name on it. Normal service will resume. Until then, keep your pads on and your expectations low — next weekend's fixtures await, and the ducks are surely only resting. 🦆🏏