🦆 The Duck Pond

A quiet one this week, ducklings. One solitary fixture went under the microscope on 25 September, and for once the ducks made themselves scarce entirely. Every bat that walked to the crease walked back having troubled the scorer at least once — not a single nought to log, not a golden duck in sight, not so much as a nervous single-figure near miss on file. The zero club's doors stayed firmly shut. Whether this counts as a triumph of application or simply a lucky afternoon for Linton's top order is not for this correspondent to say. What we can say is that somewhere out there, the ducks are circling, sharpening their beaks, waiting for their moment. They always come back. They always do. 🏏 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏏 Still very much live at the top of the table this season: 1️⃣ John Thirkell — 6 ducks from 17 innings (35.29%) — the early pace-setter, making a proper habit of it 2️⃣ Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks from 14 innings (35.71%) — technically the higher strike rate, if that's a thing worth boasting about 3️⃣ Dick Langridge — 3 ducks from 10 innings (30.00%) 3️⃣ Nigel Thirkell — 3 ducks from 10 innings (30.00%) — the Thirkell name doing rather too much work on this table 5️⃣ Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks from 17 innings (17.65%) — getting there on volume alone A reminder that this table exists purely in the spirit of celebration, never shame. Consistency of this particular kind is its own sort of achievement. 0️⃣ A week for the "nearly men" of the honours board to breathe easy, and for the rest of us to wonder who'll be first to break the drought. Next fixture, normal service will surely resume — the ducks are patient, and so are we. See you all out there. 🦆

A quiet one for the exclusive zero club this week, but the honours board never truly rests. 🏏 1st XI — home to Harrietsham CC Coming in at number eight, Benny Bell found Michael Gear's bowling one delivery too many, snapped up behind the stumps by Philip Lurcock without troubling the scorers. It's his first duck of the season and a tidy 20th of his Linton career — good enough to hold him at 18th in the all-time standings out of 867 hopefuls. Triumph through adversity, as ever. On this very day back in 1959, G Martin was going through much the same ritual, falling for nought against Bearsted CC — a fellow charter member of the Debutante Duck club, whose own Linton career began with a duck on debut. The calendar, it seems, has a sense of humour. 📅 Week in Summary Two fixtures played across the weekend, and the ducks mostly kept their heads down — just the one confirmed sighting, courtesy of Benny at home to Harrietsham. The art of not scoring remains a minority pursuit for now, but rest assured the club is always recruiting. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - John Thirkell — 6 ducks in 17 innings (35.29%) - Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks in 14 innings (35.71%) - Dick Langridge — 3 ducks in 10 innings (30.00%) - Nigel Thirkell — 3 ducks in 10 innings (30.00%) - Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks in 17 innings (17.65%) John Thirkell clings to top spot, but Alan Cradduck's superior strike rate for failure means this race is anything but settled. 🦆 Until next week — the nets await, the bowlers are sharpening up, and somewhere out there another name is one thin edge away from joining the club. See you at the crease.

A curiously restrained weekend for the exclusive zero club — two fixtures on the go, and the ducks mostly stayed in hiding. Only one gentleman answered the call. 1st XI v Mersham Hatch 🍩 Mike Iliffe held the fort at number five before departing to the bowling of F-H Ames. It's Mike's 3rd duck of the 1971 season and his 19th in LPCC colours overall — a tally that plants him a solid 20th in the all-time charts, out of 867 names on the books. Consistency of a very particular kind. Neatly enough, the calendar has previous — on this very day back in 1959, S Lusher was going through exactly the same motions against Bowaters CC, a lone entry in his own ledger with just the one career duck to show for it. Some dates simply attract the treatment. Week in summary Just the single duck to record from two matches this week — the other fixture apparently a vegan affair, entirely free of fowl. Mike carries the flag alone this time, but with three names in the season's top five separated by fractions of a percent, nobody should get comfortable. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - John Thirkell — 6 ducks / 16 innings (37.5%) - Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks / 14 innings (35.71%) - Dick Langridge — 3 ducks / 10 innings (30.0%) - Nigel Thirkell — 3 ducks / 10 innings (30.0%) - Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks / 16 innings (18.75%) Mike's latest addition keeps him lodged in that very top five — the chase for Duck of the Year is still very much alive. A slim harvest this week, but the season's far from over. Plenty of overs left for someone to make their case at the crease and, with a bit of luck, absolutely nothing to show for it. See you all next weekend — the ducks will be back. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three matches played. Zero ducks recorded. Let that sink in for a moment. The exclusive zero club held its doors firmly shut this week — not a single soul walked the walk of shame across all three fixtures. Every batsman who took guard apparently remembered which end of the bat goes first, denying the Club its usual weekly harvest. Whether this represents a rare outbreak of competence up and down the order, or simply a weekend of unusually generous bowling, the record books will show only that Linton Park's ducks clocked off early and went on their holidays. Rest assured this is a drought, not a retirement — the Club's most dedicated practitioners of the art of not scoring will be back among the fallen before long. Consistency of this particular kind cannot be kept waiting forever. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 John Thirkell — 6 ducks, 16 innings, 37.5% 🥈 Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks, 13 innings, 38.46% 🥉 Dick Langridge — 3 ducks, 9 innings, 33.33% - Nigel Thirkell — 3 ducks, 10 innings, 30% - Cliff Anscombe — 3 ducks, 20 innings, 15% Alan Cradduck presses hardest on percentage terms, nudging past John Thirkell in strike-rate-for-failure even while trailing on the raw tally, and with the season edging toward its close there's precious little time left for anyone else to mount a late charge on the summit. Cliff Anscombe, meanwhile, continues his slow and steady approach to the honours board — 20 innings for 3 ducks is patience of a very particular kind. Next fixture, normal service should resume in full. Get down to the ground, keep half an eye on the scorebook, and may the nought be with someone. 🦆🏏0️⃣

The traditional Bank Holiday triple-header did what it always does and delivered a tidy little harvest for the exclusive zero club — four ducks across three matches, Linton Park once again proving that runs are optional and ignominy is forever. 🏏 Sunday 29th — Staplehurst CC (away) Mike Iliffe went early at four, run out for the second time this season — a chaotic dismissal that at least spares him any blame for shot selection. It's his 18th career duck, tucking him into 23rd spot on the all-time list of 867, and on this very day back in 1954 Stan Wratten was doing exactly the same thing against D Hambrook XI. Some traditions simply refuse to die. 🎗️ Monday 30th — Bank Holiday at Bearsted CC (away) A proper Bank Holiday massacre, this one, with three names added to the list in a single innings. Leading the charge, inevitably, was John Thirkell — caught Mick Gibson, bowled Bryan Elswood, for his 6th duck of the season and 73rd of a career that already sits him unrivalled at the very top of the all-time standings, number 1 of 867. The reigning Duck of the Year for 1971 extends his own lead over his own field, a man competing largely with his own legend at this point, and a proud member of the Quacking Together set alongside both Bob Arnold and William Buck down the years. On this day in 1965 Frank Brattle also fell to nought against these very same Bearsted opponents — the ground clearly has form. Not far behind him, Richard Ashby was bowled by Derek Morgan for his first duck of the season, the 24th of his career and good enough for 13th on the all-time list. Already a fixture of the Ducks in a Row club for five in succession, and a regular in the Tourist Duck top 10 — fitting, given this one came on the road too. He shares Brattle's 1965 anniversary with Thirkell above. And propping up the innings at number 11, Alan Wilkes fell to the very same Derek Morgan — the bowler's second scalp of the afternoon — for his own first duck of the season, his 22nd career, 14th on the all-time roll. A veteran of the fabled 1964 Runaway Duck campaign, when he contrived to go an entire season without a run, and a paid-up member of Only Two Quacks with both Bob Arnold and John Ames. He too keeps Frank Brattle company from 1965. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks, three matches, one very productive Bank Holiday Monday for Derek Morgan, who accounted for two of Bearsted's victims personally. Staplehurst managed one scalp by more chaotic means entirely. A quiet weekend for everyone except the scorebook's zero column. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. John Thirkell — 6 ducks / 16 innings (37.5%) 2. Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks / 11 innings (45.45%) 3. Dick Langridge — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) 3. Nigel Thirkell — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) 5. Cliff Anscombe — 3 ducks / 19 innings (15.79%) Thirkell leads by tally, but Cradduck's strike rate remains the more terrifying statistic of the two. Roll on next weekend — the ducks never take a Bank Holiday off, and neither should you. 🦆🍩

Two fixtures, five ducks, and Linton's exclusive zero club took in three new arrivals in a single Wednesday innings that Gravesend will remember fondly. As ever, the art of not scoring found its practitioners. Saturday 22 August — 1st XI away at Mersham Hatch David T Lowen departed at first wicket down, bowled by W Jeanes, for his 1st duck of the season and 3rd of an otherwise perfectly respectable career — 34 innings deep, ranked 115th of 867 in the all-time reckoning. On this very day in 1953, J Barclay was doing much the same against Charles Arkcoll, en route to 7 career ducks and the 1953 Duck of the Year crown before bowing out, as tradition dictates, on a duck of his own. Down at number 11, Percy Brattle offered token resistance before falling to B Campbell — his 1st of the season, 16th of a career that has already earned him the 1969 Duck of the Year sash and 26th spot in the all-time table. The Brattle name runs deep in these parts: father Frank carries 38 career ducks of his own, with kinsman Paul adding 4 more to the family ledger. Percy, too, finds a companion in history — J Barclay, 1953, same day, same fate. Wednesday 25 August — Midweek XI at home to Gravesend CC A proper collapse into the zero club here, with three ducks inside one innings. David Tolhurst, bowled by Kevin Jarvis, recorded his 1st duck of the season — and, remarkably, his 2nd in just 2 career innings, a flawless 100% record so far. A long-standing paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his first senior knock, he now finds company on this same calendar date back in 1904, when T Woollett suffered identically. Dick Langridge, trapped lbw by the same Kevin Jarvis, brought up his 3rd duck of the season and 20th of a long career — 134 innings and counting, 18th on the all-time list. Son Barry has 6 career ducks of his own, so the trait is evidently hereditary. Dick, too, tips his cap across the decades to T Woollett's 1904 effort. Nigel Thirkell completed the rout, bowled by John Casely, for his 3rd duck of the season and 5th career nought from just 18 innings, ranking 78th all-time. Nigel is a fixture of the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and shares his Only Two Quacks distinction with clubmate Jim Hall. The surname carries some weight in these records — father John Thirkell sits top of the all-time pile with a scarcely believable 72 career ducks, while sibling Tim adds 11 more, and kinsman Stuart a further 1. Nigel, like his teammates, joins T Woollett on this day in 1904. Week in summary Five ducks from two matches, with Kevin Jarvis alone accounting for two of Gravesend's victims, and Dick Langridge and Nigel Thirkell both advancing to their 3rd of the season in the very same innings — misery, it seems, loves company. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks / 10 innings (50.0%) 2. John Thirkell — 5 ducks / 15 innings (33.3%) 3. Dick Langridge — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.3%) 4. Nigel Thirkell — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.3%) 5. Cliff Anscombe — 3 ducks / 19 innings (15.8%) Alan Cradduck still leads the chase, but with the Thirkell dynasty stacking ducks at both ends of the order, the race for 1971's crown is far from settled. Same time next fixture — the zero club never sleeps. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A single fixture played this day and, remarkably, not a nought to be found anywhere in it. Every man who walked to the crease walked back again having troubled the scorers at least once — a shocking, almost un-clublike outbreak of competence. The exclusive zero club stood at its gates all afternoon and nobody came knocking. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs of the feathered variety — just batsmen, infuriatingly, batting. The art of not scoring took the day off. Still, a quiet week for the hunters is no reason to let the honours board gather dust, and the season standings remain fiercely contested. 🏏 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇🍩0️⃣ - Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks from 9 innings (55.56%) — the early pace-setter, making not scoring look like a specialist skill - John Thirkell — 5 ducks from 15 innings (33.33%) — level on ducks with Cradduck, though needing rather more opportunities to get there - Cliff Anscombe — 3 ducks from 19 innings (15.79%) — the tortoise of the group, quietly accumulating - Graham Abel — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50%) — a poultry half of his innings spent at nought - Ron Hickman — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50%) — keeping Abel honest at the bottom of the top five A statement table of consistency of a very particular kind, and plenty of season left for movement at the top. So the ducks evaded capture this time round — a lament, frankly, for those of us who follow this column for its intended content. But the club's collective aptitude for getting out cheaply is not a thing to be doubted long. Next fixture, normal service will surely resume. Until then — bats up, and may the nought find you. 🦆0️⃣

Only two fixtures on the card this week, and only one of them misbehaved — but it more than made up for the quiet one. Saturday 8th August — 1st XI v Sibton Park CC (home) The afternoon's first casualty was John Thirkell, undone at number 5 by P McKen. It's their 5th duck of the summer and the 72nd of an extraordinary career spanning 682 innings — a tally that sits them at number 1 of 865 in the entire LPCC record book. The honours board reads like a roll of dishonour in itself: Duck of the Year in 1952, '54, '55 and '67, a fixture in the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, and joint custodian of Quacking Together with both Bob Arnold and William Buck. With the club deep in the 1971 season, their board already carries a Duck of the Year 1971 entry too — evidently this campaign belongs to them, running at a positively economical 11% duck rate for the all-time leader. Neatly, on this very day back in 1892, Jack Fryer — who played 1881-1906 and finished with 12 career ducks, good for 33rd all time — also strolled back for nought, against Royal Engineers CC. History repeating itself, as it so often does in the Duck Club. But the real story came one place later. At number 6, Tim Thirkell followed straight after, bowled by G Keutenius — and given the family connection to John, this is instantly a Duck and Ducklings moment, a parent and child both back in the hutch in the very same innings, a ceremony the club offers all too rarely. Tim's duck is their 1st of the season and 11th of the career from 48 innings, a 23% strike rate placing them 38th of 865 all time. They're also a fully paid-up member of the Full House club, having now made a duck from every position 1 through 11 in a Linton career, and keep regular company in Quacking Together with Jim Hall. Fittingly, they share their on-this-day company with John — Jack Fryer's 1892 nought at Royal Engineers CC covers the whole family this time round. For the record, sibling Nigel already carries 4 career ducks and family member Stuart 1 — clearly a household that takes to the crease with quiet ambition and leaves it rather more quietly still. Week in Summary Just the two ducks recorded this week, and both fell in the very same innings, to the very same family. The other fixture of the period passed off entirely fowl-free — a rare and presumably relieved outcome for whoever was watching. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🏆 - Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks / 9 innings (55.56%) - John Thirkell — 5 ducks / 14 innings (35.71%) - Cliff Anscombe — 3 ducks / 18 innings (16.67%) - Graham Abel — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50.0%) - Ron Hickman — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50.0%) Cradduck leads for now, with Thirkell snapping at their heels — that battle looks set to run the length of the season. 🦆 Same time next fixture, same dubious honour up for grabs. Get your ducks in a row, Linton — or rather, don't. 0️⃣

Three fixtures out this week and the ducks, in typically economical form, decided one match was quite enough trouble to be getting on with. All the action came at home to Staplehurst CC on Saturday 1st August, where the 1st XI kindly contributed two fresh names to the club's least wanted list. 1st XI v Staplehurst CC (home) Cliff Anscombe, in at four, was bowled by Eric Hotson for his 3rd duck of the season — a tidy 21st for the career too, from 137 innings, good enough for 15th on the all-time list. Cliff is long since a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having ducked on his very first Linton innings, and once wore the Duck of the Year crown back in 1957 — pedigree, of a very particular kind. On this very day in 1964, Basil Sears (1947–1971, 31 ducks, 8th all-time) was also collecting a nought, against Headcorn CC — the calendar, it seems, has a soft spot for early-August Linton collapses. Lower down, Allan Cooper fell at number eight, bowled by G Feltham, for the very first duck of his senior career — 1st from 11 innings, landing him at 224th all-time. Allan already carries a trio of "Only Two Quacks" pairings on the honours board, alongside Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back — good company for a newcomer to the exclusive zero club. And, like Cliff, his arrival lines up with Basil Sears' own Headcorn nought back in 1964 — history quietly repeating itself. The Week in Summary Two ducks from three matches, both from the very same Staplehurst scorecard — proof that when the ducks do turn up at Linton, they prefer to travel in pairs. The other two fixtures passed off entirely fowl-free. A quiet week by the Duck Club's standards, though as ever, it's only ever one wayward off-stump ball away from a bumper one. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🥇 Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks in 8 innings (62.5%) 🥈 John Thirkell — 4 ducks in 12 innings (33.33%) 🥉 Cliff Anscombe — 3 ducks in 16 innings (18.75%) 4. Graham Abel — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.0%) 4. Ron Hickman — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.0%) Alan Cradduck sits imperiously atop the pile with a duck rate most bowlers would happily claim as a strike rate. Cliff's Saturday effort keeps him snapping at John Thirkell's heels for the runner-up spot. Next fixture beckons — who fancies adding their name to the honours board? The zero club never closes its doors. 🦆0️⃣

Two matches in the diary this week, but the Duck Club only needed one of them to turn a profit. Sibton Park CC did the honours, and the exclusive zero club welcomed two new entries. 🏏 1st XI — away at Sibton Park CC First to fall was Graham Abel, trapped lbw by C Wren at number three. It's his 2nd duck of the season and, tidily enough, his 2nd career duck too, from 17 innings — 163rd on the all-time list of 865. On this very day back in 1960, the legendary Frank Brattle also strolled back against Folkestone CC on his way to a career haul of 38 ducks across a magnificent 1937–1971 stint, good for 5th of all time. Good company to be walking off with, even if the scorer wasn't troubled either way. Sibton's C Wren wasn't finished — having claimed Abel with the ball, he turned safe hands at number five to snap up Mike Iliffe, caught off G- Willis. It's Mike's 1st duck of the campaign but his 17th for the club overall in 118 innings, holding steady at 23rd of 865 — the art of not scoring, refined over more than a century of trying. And, spookily, Mike shares his on-this-day company with none other than Frank Brattle too — the same 1960 vintage duck against Folkestone. Two Linton men, eleven years apart, both keeping Brattle's memory alive on the same date. The other fixture in this window passed off quietly for the Duck Club — no additions there, much to the correspondent's disappointment. 📊 Week in Summary Two ducks from two matches, both compliments of Sibton Park CC's bowling and, indirectly, one very busy fielder. A modest haul, but every entry counts on the road to the honours board. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks / 8 innings (62.5%) 2. John Thirkell — 4 ducks / 11 innings (36.36%) 3. Graham Abel — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) 4. Ron Hickman — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50.0%) 5. Dick Langridge — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) Alan Cradduck sits pretty at the top with a duck rate most bowlers would envy from the other end. Can anyone catch him before the season's out? 🦆 Until next time — pads on, guards taken, and no doubt a few more names queuing up for the honours board. See you all at the next fixture.

A quiet weekend in the exclusive zero club, but two names still queued up for their moment of infamy against Sevenoaks Vine CC. 🏏 1st XI v Sevenoaks Vine CC (h) — 17th/18th July The only fixture to trouble the Duck Club scorers this week, and it did its job. Cliff Anscombe, first wicket down at number 3, was bowled by Phil Barnett for his 2nd duck of the season and 20th of an illustrious career — a tally that plants him a lofty 17th of 865 in the all-time standings from 134 innings. Cliff is of course a long-standing paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his account with a nought on debut many years back, and once carried off the Duck of the Year crown itself in 1957 — proof that even champions of the art occasionally return to form. Curiously, on this very day in 1964, LPCC stalwart Frank Brattle (1937–1971, 38 career ducks, 5th of 865 all-time) was also dispatched for nought against Rumwood CC. The calendar, it seems, has a taste for these things. Batting at 9, Jon Harris edged James Graham-Brown through to D. Perry for his 1st duck of the season and 10th for the club from 34 innings, good enough for 40th of 865 all-time. Jon arrives with the honours board practically groaning under his name already — a Full House man (a duck at every position 1 through 11, a genuinely rare feat of comprehensive failure), a fixture in the top 10 of both the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck lists, a seasoned entry on the Tourist Duck and Ducks on the Road charts too, and a shared name on Only Two Quacks with Allan Cooper and Quacking Together with both Jim Hall and Trevor Back. Like Cliff, he's also a Debutante Duck alumnus from an earlier innings entirely. Keeping it in the family, Jon's kin Richard Harris — a parent-child connection — carries 36 career ducks of his own, so the aptitude is evidently hereditary. And appropriately enough, Jon shares Cliff's date-twinned history — Frank Brattle's nought against Rumwood also fell on this same day, back in 1964. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, both from the 1st XI in the same fixture — Sevenoaks Vine CC can consider the damage contained, this time. No pairs, no family affairs, no king ducks to report this week. A workmanlike week for the Duck Club, the sort that keeps the honours boards ticking over without fireworks. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season 1971 — Leaderboard - Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks / 7 innings (71%) - John Thirkell — 4 ducks / 10 innings (40%) - Ron Hickman — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50%) - Dick Langridge — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33%) - Nigel Thirkell — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33%) Alan Cradduck sits well clear at the top doing genuinely spectacular work at 71% — the rest of the chasing pack will need a horror run of their own to catch him before the season's out. 🦆 Same time next week, same twenty-two yards of jeopardy. The zero club never sleeps — see you at the crease.

Two fixtures on the books over the weekend, and Hanwell (Kent) proved the more generous hosts to the club's exclusive zero collection. Away form for the naught-getters, then — the visitors clearly fancied getting straight back on the coach. 1st XI v Hanwell (Kent) Opening the innings and opening the account for the day, Stan Wratten fell to M Dampier at first drop. A first duck of the new season for Stan, and his 30th in senior colours — a career tally that now sits 9th of 865 in the all-time roll, a rarefied neighbourhood indeed. He's a paid-up member of Quacking Together with John Ames, and on this very day back in 1954 Robert Muir was doing much the same thing against A.Trembeths, three ducks into a career that would finish on the Retirement Duck honours board. History, as ever, repeats. Down at number ten, Nigel Thirkell couldn't buy a run either, bowled by M Woodhams for his second duck of the season — moving him to 4 career ducks from a tidy 14 innings, 97th of 865 all-time. Nigel keeps distinguished company: a fixture on both the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and the other half of Only Two Quacks with Jim Hall. Quacking clearly runs in the blood — brother Tim carries 10 career ducks of his own, with father John up at a formidable 71 and cousin Stuart just getting started on 1. And, as with Stan, on this same day in 1954 Robert Muir was out for nought against A.Trembeths — the two of them keeping some very old company indeed. Elsewhere The club's other fixture this weekend passed off duck-free — a rare outbreak of competence best not dwelt on. Week in Summary Two ducks from two matches, both courtesy of the 1st XI top and tail of the order — proof, if any were needed, that ignominy respects no batting position. Nigel's effort also nudges the season leaderboard along nicely below. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏆 1. Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks from 7 innings (71.43%) 2. John Thirkell — 4 ducks from 10 innings (40.0%) 3. Ron Hickman — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50.0%) 4. Nigel Thirkell — 2 ducks from 5 innings (40.0%) 5. Basil Sears — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33.33%) Alan Cradduck holds a commanding lead at the top, but with the season still to run there's plenty of time for the field to close in — or for someone to remind him how a bat works. 🦆 Next weekend brings fresh opportunity for the art of not scoring. The Duck Club welcomes all new arrivals to the zero club with open wings — see you at the crease, however briefly. 0️⃣🏏

A rare and troubling weekend for the Club: two fixtures played, and not a single nought to show for it. The exclusive zero club sat with the doors locked and the kettle cold — eleven batsmen a side, twice over, and every last one of them found the wherewithal to trouble the scorers. Consistency of a very particular kind was, for once, nowhere to be seen. Whether this was watchful bowling, generous umpiring, or simply a squad having an uncharacteristic fit of competence, the Committee cannot say. What we can say is that the art of not scoring took a weekend off, and the honours board gathers no new members this week. Normal service — which is to say abnormal service — is expected to resume shortly. 🍩 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🍩 1️⃣ Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks from 6 innings (83.33%) — a truly heroic surrender rate, and the man to catch in this season's race 2️⃣ John Thirkell — 4 ducks from 9 innings (44.44%) — quietly accumulating while others take the plaudits 3️⃣ Ron Hickman — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50.00%) — one every other trip to the crease 3️⃣ Basil Sears — 2 ducks from 5 innings (40.00%) 5️⃣ Dick Langridge — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33.33%) Cradduck sits well clear at the summit, and with an 83% strike rate for nought he will take some catching — figuratively, since nobody seems able to catch him literally either. 🏏 The ducks evaded capture this week, but the Club's nets remain set and the season is young. Get out there next fixture and do your bit for the cause — the honours board has plenty of room left, and someone has to keep Alan Cradduck company at the top. 🥇0️⃣

Three matches, eleven ducks, and the exclusive zero club doing brisk trade all week. Step this way. 🏏 1st XI v Tilling Steven (home, Sat 26th) B- Seager put on an absolute clinic, accounting for all three home ducks single-handedly. Opener Andrew Moss fell cheaply, c Shepherd b Seager — his 1st of the season and 5th career nought, 73rd of 864 on the all-time roll, and a standing member of the Retirement Duck club from a farewell long past. On this very day in 1954, Peter Weedon also strolled back for nought against Yalding CC. Basil Sears followed, c Palmer b Seager, his 2nd of the season and a serious 31st career duck — a lofty 8th all-time. Same date-mate, Peter Weedon, keeping him company down the years. David Stevens rounded things off lbw b Seager, his 1st senior duck from just two innings — 255th of 864, and already carrying the Retirement Duck honour from way back. 🏏 1st XI v Sevenoaks Vine CC (away, Sun 27th) John Ames was caught Anderson bowled Graham-Brown for his 1st of the season and a mighty 44th career duck — 3rd of 864 all-time, and a walking honours board: Ducks in a Row (4 consecutive), Homebody Duck top 10, Only Two Quacks with Alan Wilkes, Quacking Together with both Roy Clarke and Stan Wratten. On this day in 1936, E Godden fell the same way against Bearsted CC. John Thirkell, caught Barnett bowled Breed, notched his 4th of the season and 71st career — the undisputed #1 of 864, already sporting the 1971 Duck of the Year sash among five such crowns. A family business too, it seems, with sons Tim (10) and Nigel (3) both paid-up Duck Club members in their own right. Then D- Perry got in on the act, removing both Alan Cradduck (c Crang, his 5th of the season — an eye-watering 83% strike rate — and 9th career, 42nd all-time, riding a personal streak of 5 Ducks in a Row) and Ron Hickman (lbw, career duck 16, 24th all-time). E Godden, 1936, claims them both as calendar cousins. 🌱 Midweek XI v Northend Sunday (home, Wed 30th) P- Best matched Seager and Perry for efficiency, taking both Midweek scalps. Dick Langridge was bowled for his 2nd of the season and 19th career — 19th of 864 — with son Barry (6 career ducks) already on the family scoresheet. R- Robinson made the same walk on this date back in 1956. Ray Grayland, on debut no less, was bowled for nought — a genuine arrival into the Debutante Duck club, his 1st ever senior innings ending in the purest possible fashion. Welcome to the club, Ray. And Ron Hickman completed a proper pair, bowled by Best just three days after his lbw at Sevenoaks — out at both ends of the week for the club's only repeat offender this period. Closing the innings, Brian Relf was bowled for his 1st of the season and 25th career — 12th of 864 — a long-standing dual member of the Debutante Duck and Quack-to-Quack clubs from his own storied past. 📊 Week in Summary 11 ducks, 3 matches, and three different bowlers each claiming a full set — Seager (3), Perry (2) and Best (2) did the majority of the damage between them. Ron Hickman's the week's marked man with a pair to his name. No family ducks recorded this time round — the bloodlines survived intact. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Alan Cradduck — 6 innings, 5 ducks, 83.33% - John Thirkell — 8 innings, 4 ducks, 50.00% - Basil Sears — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.00% - Ron Hickman — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.00% - Dick Langridge — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% Cradduck sets the pace at a frankly heroic 83%. Can anyone catch him before the season's out? 🦆 Same time next fixture — the naught shall not go uncelebrated.

A quiet week in the exclusive zero club — just the one fixture, but it did not leave empty-handed. 1st XI — away at West Farleigh CC Coming in at number 10, Alan Cradduck departed without troubling the scorers, bowled by Trevor Back. That's his 4th duck of the 1971 season and the 8th of a career now standing at 19 innings — a healthy 42% strike rate for the art of not scoring, and good enough for 47th on the all-time list of 861. Alan is a long-standing paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his senior account with a nought many seasons back, and he also carries the rare Ducks in a Row honour for five consecutive dismissals without so much as a single — a feat of sustained abjection few can match. He's previously shared the honours board with Ron Hickman under Quacking Together, though Ron sat this one out. Spookily, on this day in 1935, Percy Brattle also strolled back for nought — against Bearsted CC of all sides. Percy went on to a fine career spanning 1934 to 1971, finishing with 15 ducks (26th all-time) and the 1969 Duck of the Year title to his name. Some anniversaries you can set your watch by. 📊 Week in Summary One match, one duck — West Farleigh CC will have to make do with a single scalp this time. Consistency of a very particular kind from Alan, who now leads the season standings outright. Slim pickings for the rest of the club, but the season is young yet. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Alan Cradduck — 4 ducks / 4 innings (100%) 2. John Thirkell — 3 ducks / 6 innings (50%) 3. Graham Abel — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) 4. Basil Sears — 1 duck / 3 innings (33%) 5. Graham Mountford — 1 duck / 3 innings (33%) Alan sits a perfect 100% through the summer so far — triumph through adversity indeed. Can anyone dislodge him before the next fixture, or will West Farleigh's bowlers strike again? The Duck Club watches, waits, and hopes for more nought-scoring heroics next time out. 🍩0️⃣🏏

A quiet weekend for the fowl-hunters at large, but the 1st XI made sure Bobbing Court CC didn't leave empty-handed on the ceremony front. 🏏 1st XI v Bobbing Court CC Graham Abel strode in at three and departed bowled by T Jones without scoring — his first duck of the 1971 campaign and the maiden entry on his career account, 1 from 16 innings. He joins the exclusive zero club at 289th of 860 in the all-time standings. Neatly enough, on this very day back in 1943 Herbert Sunley was completing an identical rite of passage, ducking against the Home Guard's Maidstone 11th Battalion — proof the art of not scoring transcends the decades. Further down the order, John Thirkell — LPCC's undisputed monarch of the nought, sitting a commanding 1st of 860 all-time — added a third duck to his season tally, caught B Best off Gordon Kemsley for his 70th career failure from 673 innings. The honours board groans under his name already: Duck of the Year in 1952, 1954, 1955, 1967 and, pointedly, 1971 itself — he is, this very season, defending his crown in real time. He also holds down places in the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, and shares "Quacking Together" billing with both Bob Arnold and William Buck. A dynastic touch too — sons Tim (10 career ducks) and Nigel (3) are both paid-up members in their own right, so the nought clearly runs in the blood. Like Abel, Thirkell's parallel points back to Herbert Sunley's 1943 duck against the Home Guard — a fitting bit of company for a man who rarely lacks it in this particular club. 📋 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, both credited to the 1st XI in their meeting with Bobbing Court CC. Modest pickings by Linton standards, but when one of the two is delivered by the reigning Duck of the Year in the very season he's defending the title, quality trumps quantity. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — Top 5 1. Alan Cradduck — 3 innings, 3 ducks, 100% 2. John Thirkell — 5 innings, 3 ducks, 60% 3. Graham Abel — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% 4. Basil Sears — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33% 5. Graham Mountford — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33% Alan Cradduck sits imperious atop the table on a flawless — if faintly alarming — 100% record. John Thirkell breathes down his neck, business as usual for the club's most decorated non-scorer. 🍩 Next fixture looms, and with it fresh candidates for the honours board. Get your bats out, gentlemen — someone has to keep the tradition alive.

A quiet Saturday gave way to a distinctly fruitful Sunday at Harrietsham, where Linton's middle-to-lower order marched to the crease in numbers six, seven and eight and marched straight back again, nought to their names each time. Three ducks from the weekend's two fixtures, and all three laid on in the very same innings — the art of not scoring, performed as a group activity. 🏏 1st XI — away to Harrietsham CC First to the exclusive zero club was John Thirkell, bowled by Edward Smith for his second duck of the season. With a barely believable 69 career ducks from 672 innings, John doesn't just sit near the top of Linton's all-time standings — he is the all-time standings, 1st of 860 and with clean daylight behind him. He's also flying in this year's Duck of the Year race, a crown he's already lifted in 1952, 1954, 1955 and 1967, and 1971 is shaping up to be a fifth. Fittingly, on this very day in 1903, George Champion (1886–1963, sorry, 1886–1912) was performing the identical ceremony against Town Malling CC on his way to 8 career ducks. Hot on his heels, Alan Cradduck was stumped by Micky Tong off Ray Tong — his third duck of the season and 7th for his Linton career, only 18 innings in, vaulting him to 57th of 860 all-time. Alan is already a card-carrying member of the Debutante Duck club, having ducked on his very first Linton innings, and no stranger to the honours board's Ducks in a Row column either. Neatly enough, on this same day in 1967 his partner in today's collapse, John Thirkell, was doing precisely the same thing against Civil Service CC, Kent — some traditions clearly run deep at Linton. Completing the same-Tong-twice trick, Dick Langridge fell in identical fashion, stumped Micky Tong bowled Ray Tong, for his first duck of the season and 18th of a solid career spanning 129 innings — 20th of 860 all-time. Dick, too, shares his on-this-day duck with John Thirkell's 1967 vintage, proof that some dates are simply unlucky for Linton batsmen. His relative Barry Langridge already carries 6 career ducks of his own, so the family clearly knows the feeling. 📋 Week in summary Three ducks, two matches, one thoroughly efficient collapse — Saturday's fixture kept its ducks well hidden, while Sunday's trip to Harrietsham more than made up for it. Consistency of a very particular kind. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 - Alan Cradduck — 3 innings, 3 ducks (100%) - John Thirkell — 4 innings, 2 ducks (50%) - Nigel Thirkell — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) - Basil Sears — 3 innings, 1 duck (33.33%) - Graham Mountford — 3 innings, 1 duck (33.33%) Alan Cradduck sits imperiously atop the season standings on a flawless 100% record — truly, triumph through adversity. 🍩 Next fixture looms, and with it, no doubt, fresh additions to the honours board. The Duck Club never sleeps. 0️⃣🦆

Four fixtures, six ducks, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees. The 1st XI did all the heavy lifting this week — the art of not scoring is evidently a squad effort. 🏏 Tovil (away), 29 May Basil Sears opened the account for the week, caught D White off D Hitchin without troubling the scorers. His 1st duck of the season is his 30th career nought from 385 innings, keeping him a lofty 8th on the all-time list of 860. On this very day in 1937, E Hayes was doing much the same against Charles Arkcoll — a two-time Duck of the Year (1937 and 1939) from the club's late-1930s vintage. 🏏 Hythe CC (away), 30 May — a triple helping Hythe proved unusually fertile ground, claiming three LPCC wickets for nought in the same innings. Nigel Thirkell was bowled by L Hastings for his 3rd career duck from just 11 innings — a rate that has already earned him spots in the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top 10s, plus Only Two Quacks company with Jim Hall. A chip off the old block, too — father John Thirkell (see below) owns the club's biggest duck collection outright. Frank Brattle followed, bowled by R Chappell, for his 38th career duck — 5th all-time from a marathon 359 innings. He's building a family firm of his own, with Percy (15) and Paul (4) Brattle both on the honours board behind him. Then Alan Cradduck, also undone by L Hastings, notched his 2nd duck of the season already — his 6th career, rank 60 of 860. A paid-up Debutante Duck and mid-flow on a run of Ducks in a Row (5 consecutive), with Ron Hickman for Quacking Together company. All three join H Clarke on the on-this-day roll — 30 May 1959, a duck against Old Williamsonians CC, part of Clarke's brief but eventful 1959–62 stint. 🏏 Bearsted CC (home), 31 May Graham Mountford, bowled by Brian Burnett, picked up his 2nd career duck from 13 innings — already a Debutante Duck for his trouble. Then the club's own royalty: John Thirkell, bowled by Bryan Elswood, for his 68th career duck — still comfortably LPCC's all-time #1 out of 860 names on the list. A five-time Duck of the Year (1952, 1954, 1955, 1967 and, fittingly, 1971 itself), a fixture of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top 10s, and Quacking Together honouree alongside both Bob Arnold and William Buck. Son Nigel joined him in the week's tally at Hythe the day before — separate matches, same surname, same unmistakable talent for it. Both Graham and John share their moment with Benny Bell, who ducked against Tovil on this day in 1969 during his 1966–71 spell, now on 19 career ducks and 17th all-time. 📊 Week in Summary Six ducks from four matches, all wearing 1st XI colours — the other fixture got away clean. Hythe's bowling pair of L Hastings and R Chappell can claim a hand in half the week's carnage between them, and the Thirkell name appeared twice inside 48 hours. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family doubles this week — just steady, honest failure. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Alan Cradduck — 2 innings, 2 ducks (100%) 2. Basil Sears — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) 3. Graham Mountford — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) 4. Nigel Thirkell — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) 5. John Thirkell — 3 innings, 1 duck (33%) Alan Cradduck sits pretty atop the pile on a flawless record — long may it last, or rather, long may it not. 🍩 Roll on the next fixture — the ducks are out there, and 0️⃣ never sleeps.

A rare and troubling turn of events at Linton Park this weekend: two matches played, twenty-two-odd innings on offer, and not a single duck to show for it. The zero club convened, waited patiently by the pavilion steps, and went home empty-winged. Every LPCC batsman across both fixtures found their way off the mark — a "vegan affair" through and through, as the correspondent's forebears might have put it. No golden ducks, no pairs, no king pairs, and certainly no family gatherings on the honours board this week. The art of not scoring, it seems, took a rare day off. We shall not pretend to be anything other than mildly disappointed. The Duck Club exists to celebrate triumph through adversity, and adversity simply failed to show up. 🏏 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard Early doors yet for the 1971 campaign, but the standings so far: 1. Alan Cradduck — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 🍩 2. Cliff Anscombe — 3 innings, 1 duck (33.33%) Alan currently sits on a flawless record in the very worst sense — one innings, one nought, a perfect start to a season nobody wants to be perfect in. Cliff, meanwhile, is playing the long game, patiently working his percentage down from three visits to the crease. 📅 Looking ahead Fear not — this drought will not last. The season is young, the fixtures keep coming, and somewhere out there a top edge, a diamond duck, or a golden nought is surely queuing up. The exclusive zero club remains open for business, membership applications welcome, and this correspondent will be watching the scorebooks closely for the inevitable correction. Until then — bat well, or fail spectacularly. Either makes for a good story. 🦆 0️⃣

A single fixture out on the park this week, and — brace yourselves — not a nought to be found anywhere in it. Every batsman who walked to the crease on the 9th of May walked off again having troubled the scorers at least once. The Duck Club convenes, as it must every so often, purely to report that there is nothing whatsoever to report. 🏏 The Vegan Weekend One match, zero ducks, a full house of players getting off the mark. It happens. Even the most dedicated student of the art of not scoring needs a rest week, and the bowlers of 1971 will simply have to try harder next time out. The exclusive zero club keeps its doors shut for now — no new inductees, no honours boards troubled, no ceremony required. Consider it a collective triumph of adversity avoided rather than adversity embraced. We shall allow it, just this once. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Alan Cradduck — 1 innings, 1 duck, a flawless 100% strike rate. A statement of intent so early in the season that nobody else has had the chance to catch him. - Cliff Anscombe — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50%. Splitting the difference between glory and grafting, and doing rather well out of it either way. Two names, two very different routes to the same solitary nought — Cradduck getting his business done at the first time of asking, Anscombe taking a more scenic path. Early days yet in the 1971 campaign, plenty of season left for the also-rans to make their case. 📅 Looking Ahead The bowlers of Linton Park are hereby placed on notice: a quiet week is not to become a habit. The Duck Club thrives on failure, and failure has, most inconveniently, failed to show up. Here's hoping the next fixture restores order — see you all out there, bat in hand, fingers crossed for the wrong reasons. 🦆🍩

Just the two fixtures on the books this weekend, but both found a home for a duck, and fittingly it's the 1st XI supplying the entire card as the 1971 hunting season gets under way. 1st XI Saturday, home to Folkestone CC Alan Cradduck, promoted to number 8, somehow contrived to fall hit wicket off John McMillan — a rare method, and a fine way to open his 1971 account. It's his 1st duck of the season and 5th of his career from 16 innings, good for 71st on the all-time list. Alan's already a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club (nought on debut), and the honours board also credits him with five ducks in a row plus a shared Quacking Together entry alongside Ron Hickman — company that suggests this was far from beginner's luck. On this very day back in 1965, Fred Greenfield (1964–1970) also strolled back for nought, against Staplehurst CC — Fred went on to 18 career ducks, 20th all-time, and later bowed out with a Retirement Duck to his name. Sunday, away to Bobbing Court CC Cliff Anscombe, in at 4, edged Gordon Kemsley through to A Morgan — his 1st duck of the season and a hefty 19th career duck from 122 innings, 18th in the all-time standings. Cliff too carries the Debutante Duck badge, and rather grandly was crowned Duck of the Year back in 1957 — proof that greatness and the golden goose have long gone hand in hand for him. On this same day in 1959, Frank Brattle (1937–1971) also made a duck, against Bearsted CC — Frank finished his career with 37, 5th on the all-time list. 📋 Week in summary Two matches, two ducks, and both men opening their season's tally on the very first weekend. No pairs, no family affairs, just two solid, honours-board-worthy contributions to the art of not scoring. A promising start to the campaign's quest for nought. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Alan Cradduck — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Cliff Anscombe — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Early doors yet, with the whole season stretching out ahead — plenty of time for the chasing pack to muscle in. Bats up for the next fixture, and may the ducks continue to find willing volunteers 🏏0️⃣🦆