🦆 The Duck Pond

Autumn's last hurrah at Linton Park, and the 2nd XI made sure the season didn't slip away without one final offering to the zero club. 🏏 2nd XI v Linton Park CC Openers beware — Brian Piper, aided and abetted by the safe hands of Tony Gauna, ran up a small production line at the crease this weekend, claiming two LPCC batsmen in the same manner within the same innings. A ruthless double act. First to go, at number two, was Ian Webb, caught Gauna bowled Piper for his 1st duck of the season and 3rd of an increasingly eventful career — now 138th of 960 in the all-time roll of dubious distinction, from 19 innings. Ian is a long-standing paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his account with a nought back on debut, though this one's very much a repeat offence rather than a first. Keep it in the family — his relative Ken Webb also carries 3 career ducks, so the trait, such as it is, runs true. And in a fine bit of calendar symmetry, on this very day in 1977 Tim Thirkell — 39 ducks across 1967–1978, 6th on the all-time list, Duck of the Year 1972 no less — was doing exactly the same thing against Lordswood CC. One place down the order, John Bloomfield followed him back, caught Gauna bowled Piper for nought — his 5th duck of both the season and his career, from just 18 innings, and a leap to 94th of 960 overall. A rapid accumulation by any standard. Fittingly, this very fixture also produced an on-this-day echo: back in 1977, none other than his own teammate Ian Webb was recording a duck against Lordswood CC on the same date, then sitting on 3 for his career. History does like to rhyme in this club. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, one bowler-keeper combination doing all the damage. Modest numbers, but concentrated carnage — Piper and Gauna will want their names in lights, or at least in this newsletter, which is close enough. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Keith Miller — 5 ducks, 14 innings (35.71%) 2. John Bloomfield — 5 ducks, 15 innings (33.33%) 3. Jim Hall — 5 ducks, 36 innings (13.89%) 4. Malcolm Pay — 5 ducks, 39 innings (12.82%) 5. Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks, 10 innings (30.00%) John Bloomfield's weekend effort keeps him snapping at Keith Miller's heels for top spot — the race for Duck of the Year is well and truly alive. Next fixture, fresh victims. The zero club never closes its books. 🦆🍩

A quieter but no less ceremonious week for the exclusive zero club, with three fixtures in the period and four new entries to the ledger. One match passed by entirely unmolested by the Duck Club — the art of not scoring, apparently, optional that day. 🏏 Saturday 23rd — 1st XI v West Farleigh CC (home) John Bloomfield, sent in at nine, fell lbw to Fred Baker for his 4th duck of the season and 4th of a growing career in just 17 innings — an efficient rate of failure that plants him 111th of 960 in the all-time standings. Curiously, on this very day back in 1972, club legend Tim Thirkell also made a duck against West Farleigh — some anniversaries are best not celebrated twice. Batting at eleven, A Donovan opened his senior account in the most understated way possible, bowled by Norman Underdown for nought on debut. A duck first time out secures immediate and unarguable induction into the Debutante Duck club, a rite of passage as old as the fixture list itself, and sets him off at 236th of 960 all-time. He follows in family footsteps too — relative Terry Donovan already sits on 18 career ducks, so the art of the nought clearly runs in the blood. Remarkably, he shares his historical echo with teammate Bloomfield: two Linton batsmen, one 1972 ghost, one afternoon. 🌙 Wednesday 27th — Midweek XI v The Mote CC (away) Opening the innings — and, evidently, opening the account for the day — Paul Bowles was caught by David Morris off Roger Selleck without scoring. His 29th career duck moves him to a rarefied 17th of 960 all-time, propping up an honours cabinet that already includes back-to-back Duck of the Year titles in 1966 and 1968, a fixture on the Ducks on the Road top ten, and the celebrated Only Two Quacks pairing with Adam Pooley. Fittingly for an away-day regular, this one came on the road. On this same date in 1964, Robert Murray also departed for nought. At five, Malcolm Pay was bowled by Malcolm Bristow for his 5th duck of the season, drawing level with Jim Hall and Keith Miller at the top of the current Duck Hunting Season table, and his 9th career duck from 72 innings — good enough for 59th of 960. His sibling Colin Pay carries a single career duck of his own, so between them the Pay family keeps a cautious foot in the club. Like Bowles, Pay finds company in Robert Murray's 1964 duck — a ghost doing double duty this week. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks from three matches, with West Farleigh and The Mote both taking their pound of Linton flesh. Two separate deliveries in the period found a decades-old echo waiting for them — the ghosts of ducks past clearly keeping their own fixture list. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Keith Miller — 5 ducks / 14 innings (35.71%) - Jim Hall — 5 ducks / 36 innings (13.89%) - Malcolm Pay — 5 ducks / 38 innings (13.16%) - John Bloomfield — 4 ducks / 14 innings (28.57%) - Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) Next fixture, next opportunity. The exclusive zero club never sleeps — bring your bats, gentlemen, and try not to bring us business. 🦆🏏

Three fixtures played this week across the club and, remarkably, not a single batsman could be persuaded to walk back for nought. The Duck Club convenes this week to report... nothing. An entire weekend's cricket and the exclusive zero club gained not one new signature in its book. Whether this reflects a sudden and troubling outbreak of competence, or merely three sides quietly agreeing not to feed the ledger, we cannot say. What we can say is that somewhere out there, bats were middled, ones were nudged into the covers, and the art of not scoring went entirely unpractised. A quiet week for the connoisseurs of ignominy. Rest assured — normal service, and normal humiliation, will resume shortly. The season's front-runners are watching nervously from the honours board, and it would be a shame to let the campaign go stale. 🏏 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏏 🥇 Keith Miller — 5 ducks in 14 innings (35.71%) — a startling strike rate that puts him top of the pile and comfortably top of the wrong kind of averages 🥈 Jim Hall — 5 ducks in 35 innings (14.29%) — level on numbers with Miller but getting there the scenic way, one long campaign of attrition 🥉 Malcolm Pay — 4 ducks in 37 innings (10.81%) — steady, dependable, the reliable also-ran of the nought column 4️⃣ Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks in 8 innings (37.5%) — the season's most efficient collector by percentage, threatening to overhaul the leaders on sheer economy of effort 5️⃣ John Bloomfield — 3 ducks in 13 innings (23.08%) — quietly accumulating, one soft dismissal from climbing the table Keith Miller retains top spot for now, but with Mike Iliffe posting the best strike rate in the division by some distance, the race for Duck of the Year 1978 is far from settled. One careless waft on a green top could change everything. 0️⃣ The ducks may have evaded capture this week, but the Duck Club's nets remain out for next weekend's fixtures. Bring your bats, gentlemen — and for a select few, try not to bring them back too soon. 🦆

The touring party pushed on into Cornwall this weekend and returned with exactly the sort of yield the Duck Club was founded to honour: five ducks in two days, a rare sibling double, and the club's own Duck of the Year extending their lead over the field. 🏏 Saturday 9th — Tour XI at Perranarworthal CC Keith Miller went first, bowled by B Bennett, a 4th duck of the season and 8th of a career now 20 innings deep, 58th in the all-time list of 955. Already installed as this season's Duck of the Year 1978, on this evidence the title is being defended with real commitment. Jim Hall followed, caught Brotherton off Copelin, a 5th duck of the season and a mighty 39th career duck from 216 innings — 5th on the all-time chart, a two-time former Duck of the Year (1970 and 1977), and a name so entwined with the honours board they have separate "Quacking Together" entries with three different teammates, Jon Harris among them, as proved again today. Then S Miller, bowled Sloggett, a 2nd duck from a Duck Club career only 2 innings old — a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck fraternity from their very first knock. Fittingly, the day was shared with sibling Keith: the Millers' joint failure earns a "Two of a Quack" entry on the family honours board, the rarest ceremony this club has to offer. Closing the innings, Jon Harris — caught Docking bowled Sloggett — brought up a 3rd duck of the season and 38th of a career (230 innings, rank 8 of 955) that already boasts the exceedingly rare Full House, a duck recorded at every position from 1 to 11. The habit runs in the family too: kin Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of their own. On this very day in 1977, Andrew Moss also made a duck against Cornwall Crusaders — fitting anniversary company for all four names above. 🏏 Sunday 10th — Tour XI at Paul CC Keith Miller went again, run out for nought, completing a grim pair across the weekend's two fixtures — a 5th season duck, drawing level with Jim Hall, and a 9th career duck. On this same day back in 1955, John --'s Taylor also made a duck, against Old Roffensians. 📊 Week in Summary Five ducks from two matches, the touring party thoroughly restocking the zero column. The Miller siblings' shared failure is the headline of the weekend, Keith's pair the footnote nobody asked for. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Keith Miller — 13 inns, 5 ducks (38.46%) 2. Jim Hall — 34 inns, 5 ducks (14.71%) 3. Malcolm Pay — 35 inns, 4 ducks (11.43%) 4. Mike Iliffe — 7 inns, 3 ducks (42.86%) 5. John Bloomfield — 13 inns, 3 ducks (23.08%) Keith and Jim share the season lead on ducks, but Keith's fearsome 38% strike rate keeps them out in front where it counts. The tour rolls on — who joins the club next? 🦆

A quieter week for the exclusive zero club — just three ducks laid across three fixtures — but what they lacked in volume they made up for in pedigree. 1st XI — away to Staplehurst CC, Sunday 3rd Keith Miller fell for nought at first drop, bowled Anthony West. His third of the season and 7th career duck (74th of 955 all-time) confirms him as 1978's reigning Duck of the Year — a crown he now wears with the solemn dignity the honour deserves. On this very day in 1972, Benny Bell also made a duck against Staplehurst CC, en route to 30 career noughts and 14th spot on the all-time roll — proof that Staplehurst have form for it. Lower down, David Iliffe joined him in the pavilion, bowled Eric Hotson for his 2nd of the season and 2nd career duck from just 6 innings (171st of 955). Keep an eye on the family tree — his father Mike Iliffe is having quite the campaign himself, currently sat 3rd on this season's duck charts. Tour XI — away to Grampound Road CC, Thursday 7th A first-ever LPCC innings for S Miller ended exactly as first innings sometimes do — bowled Howard Nicholls without scoring, and straight onto the Debutante Duck honours board. A tidy way to announce yourself. Neatly enough, S Miller's sibling is none other than Keith Miller of Saturday's Staplehurst match above — two Millers, two ducks, one very ordinary week for the family. On this day in 1977, club legend Tim Thirkell also strolled back for nought, against St Just CC, on his way to 39 career ducks and 5th on the all-time list. The week in brief Three ducks from three matches — the third fixture, wherever it was, stayed frustratingly clean. Two of the week's three came on the very same afternoon at Staplehurst, and pleasingly both found a same-day echo from seasons gone by. The Duck Club remains in rude health. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jim Hall — 4 ducks, 33 innings (12.12%) 2. Malcolm Pay — 4 ducks, 35 innings (11.43%) 3. Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks, 7 innings (42.86%) 4. Keith Miller — 3 ducks, 11 innings (27.27%) 5. John Bloomfield — 3 ducks, 13 innings (23.08%) Mike Iliffe's 42.86% is a number to be admired rather than emulated. The season race remains wide open with plenty of cricket left to play — bring your bats, gentlemen, the ducks are watching. 🦆🏏

Four fixtures this week and the Duck Club needed only two of them. The 1st XI carried the entire load — five ducks, one honours board rewritten, and Old Anchorians CC's bowlers doing most of the damage. Sunday 27th August — 1st XI v Old Anchorians CC (home) Malcolm Pay went first, caught off T- Sutton at four. His 4th duck of the season and 8th of a career now 67 innings deep, holding at 65th all-time. On this very day back in 1949, Richard Harris was doing exactly the same thing to Hunton Wanderers CC — he'd finish with 36 career ducks, 10th on the all-time list. Malcolm's sibling Colin Pay is also a paid-up club member with 1 career nought to his name — clearly runs in the family. Trevor Back followed at five, also off T- Sutton, his 3rd of the season and 9th career duck from 56 innings, 59th all-time. Trevor keeps distinguished company on the honours boards — Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck all list him in their top ten, and he shares Quacking Together and Only Two Quacks pairings with Jon Harris and Allan Cooper respectively. He too shares this date with Richard Harris's 1949 heroics. Giles Daubeny was next, caught off K- Hewitt at seven — his first duck of the season, and only his 2nd in a slender 6-innings career, 183rd all-time. Early days yet. John Bloomfield completed the collapse at nine, T- Sutton's third victim of the innings, his 3rd duck of the season and, remarkably, his 3rd in only 15 career innings — 139th all-time. T- Sutton finishes with three ducks to his bowling figures, a proper poultry farmer's afternoon. Monday 28th August — 1st XI v Bearsted CC (away) Jim Hall, stumped by Anthony Hunt off Bryan Elswood, for his 4th of the season and — take a breath — 38th career duck from 213 innings. That's 7th on the all-time list, and Jim's honours cabinet is groaning: Duck of the Year in both 1970 and 1977, a Full House nearly-man on 10 of 11 batting positions, top-ten entries in Tourist Duck, Homebody Duck, Lone Duck and Ducks on the Road, and five separate pairing honours besides. On this day in 1974, Roland Parr was doing his own small bit for the cause against Gravesend CC — a single career duck, 405th all-time, but he'll always have this date. Week in Summary Five ducks from two matches, all 1st XI. T- Sutton's hat-trick of scalps at Old Anchorians deserves its own line in the bowling figures, even if nobody's writing it down. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jim Hall — 4 ducks, 31 inns, 12.9% 2. Malcolm Pay — 4 ducks, 33 inns, 12.12% 3. Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks, 7 inns, 42.86% 4. John Bloomfield — 3 ducks, 12 inns, 25.0% 5. Trevor Back — 3 ducks, 16 inns, 18.75% Mike Iliffe's 42.86% still leads the percentage race by some distance — efficiency, of a sort. Next fixtures await. The Club stands ready to welcome new — and returning — members. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three matches played this week across the club, and — brace yourselves — not a single duck to report. The exclusive zero club, so often bursting at the seams, sat entirely empty this week. Every batsman who walked to the crease found a way to trouble the scorers, however modestly. A vegan week, in the parlance of the honours board: completely free from fowl. Whether this represents a sudden and alarming outbreak of competence, or simply a quiet week for the men with the bat, only time will tell. The Duck Club does not celebrate absence, but nor does it panic — the season is long, the bowlers are keen, and 0️⃣ has a habit of finding its moment when least expected. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Mike Iliffe leads the chase in ruthless fashion — 3 ducks from just 7 innings, a startling 42.86% strike rate that puts him well clear of the pack on percentage alone. Jim Hall sits level on 3 ducks, though across a far sterner 29 innings (10.34%) — a grafter's route to the same total. Malcolm Pay also holds 3 ducks from 31 innings (9.68%), keeping the top of the table a genuine three-way squabble. Tim Thirkell rounds out the podium proper on 3 ducks from 34 innings (8.82%) — proof that quantity of innings is no defence against quality of failure. Keith Miller brings up the rear of the top five with 2 ducks from just 7 innings (28.57%) — an efficient understudy waiting in the wings should any of the leaders falter. With four names locked on 3 apiece, the race for Duck of the Year 1978 remains wide open going into the run-in. A quiet week is, if anything, the calm before the quack. Bats up next fixture, gentlemen — the ducks will surely return. 🏏🍩

Three matches on the fixture list this week, but only one of them troubled the scorers in the way we like best. Headcorn CC away turned into a proper duck shoot for the 1st XI, with three names added to the ledger in a single innings. The other two fixtures passed off disappointingly duck-free. 🏏 1st XI — Headcorn CC (away, 12 August) Paul Brattle fell early at first drop, caught B- Penney off Dave Harden — his 1st duck of the season and his 22nd for the club from 244 innings, good enough for 27th on the all-time list. Paul remains a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his LPCC account with a nought on debut some years back, and he does it in fine company — his father Frank Brattle sits on 38 career ducks, with Percy (16) and brother Ian (10) also on the family honours board. A proper dynasty of the dreaded nought. On this very day in 1970, Mike Iliffe also strolled back for a duck, against Gravesend CC, on his way to 37 career ducks and 9th spot all-time. Tim Thirkell followed him back not long after, bowled by the rampant Dave Harden, his 3rd duck of the season and 39th of a distinguished career from 302 innings — 5th in the all-time standings, no less. Tim's honours board reads like a testimonial: Duck of the Year 1972, Full House, and top-10 places in both Lone Duck and Homebody Duck. He is also son of the legendary John Thirkell, the club's all-time number one on 90, and brother to Nigel on 26 — the ducking clearly runs in the blood. Tim, too, echoes Mike Iliffe's duck of this day in 1970 against Gravesend CC. Down at nine, John Bloomfield rounded things off, bowled by John Phipps for his 2nd duck of the season, his 2nd of a young LPCC career from just 14 innings, sitting 195th all-time. No honours yet for John, but the board awaits — and he too joins the on-this-day list alongside Mike Iliffe's 1970 vintage against Gravesend CC. 📋 Week in Summary Three ducks, three matches, one crime scene — Headcorn CC did all the damage, with Dave Harden claiming two of the three victims and John Phipps mopping up the tail. The 2nd and 3rd XI fixtures this week were, disappointingly, entirely fowl-free. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Mike Iliffe — 7 innings, 3 ducks, 42.86% 2. Jim Hall — 27 innings, 3 ducks, 11.11% 3. Malcolm Pay — 29 innings, 3 ducks, 10.34% 4. Tim Thirkell — 33 innings, 3 ducks, 9.09% 5. Keith Miller — 7 innings, 2 ducks, 28.57% Mike Iliffe sets the pace with an eye-watering strike rate, but Tim Thirkell is quietly closing in with numbers that suggest this season's crown is very much live. 🦆 The club returns to action next week — plenty of overs left for the exclusive zero club to welcome new members. Bring your bat, and your sense of humour. 0️⃣🏏

A quieter week for the exclusive zero club, but three fixtures still yielded five noughts worth putting on record. Sennocke CC clearly fancied themselves as duck farmers this week, claiming three of the five scalps in a single innings. 1st XI — Bidborough CC (Sat 5th) Malcolm Pay departed for his 3rd duck of the season, caught behind off T Ham, and edges to 7 career ducks, ranking 73rd of 951 all time — level company with Brian Piper, J Barclay and Tony Levick, all sat on the same tally. Fittingly, on this very day in 1895 Ernest Cruttenden was doing much the same thing against Rochester CC, one of ten ducks in a career that also bagged him Duck of the Year 1895. A chip off the old block too — Malcolm's sibling Colin carries a career nought of his own. Sunday NVKC — Hursley Park CC (Sun 6th) The name on the honours board needs no introduction. Tim Thirkell — the club's all-time leader in waiting behind his own father — ran himself out for his 2nd duck of the season, moving to 38 career ducks and 6th of 951 overall. A proud member of the Full House club (a duck at every position, 1 to 11) and no stranger to Duck of the Year, having taken the 1972 crown. On this day in 1975, Paul Brattle was likewise walking back at Sennocke CC. Tim's duck-collecting evidently runs in the family — father John sits top of the all-time pile with 90, brother Nigel has 26, and cousin Stuart has opened his account with 1. Midweek XI — Sennocke CC (Fri 11th) A proper cluster at Sennocke. Reg Oldfield opened the innings and opened his duck account too, bowled by I Storey for a debut nought — 1st career duck from 6 innings. Keith Miller followed, caught off X Marsh, for his 2nd duck of the season and 6th of his career from just 12 innings — reigning Duck of the Year 1978 and clearly determined to defend the title. He joins a well-populated 6-duck table including Barry Langridge, Don Clayton and Ossie Fryer. And down at ten, Peter Day fell to the very same I Storey that did for Oldfield, his 1st career duck in only his 2nd innings — level with a whole shelf of one-and-done merchants including the aptly-monikered Musgrave and Sessions. All three Sennocke victims share the same on-this-day parallel: back in 1973, Nigel Thirkell was making his own duck against Headcorn CC. Week in Summary Five ducks from three matches — Sennocke CC did the club's dirty work almost single-handedly, claiming three victims in one innings including two to the same bowler. The art of not scoring remains alive and well heading into the back end of August. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks, 7 innings (43%) 2. Jim Hall — 3 ducks, 25 innings (12%) 3. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks, 26 innings (12%) 4. Keith Miller — 2 ducks, 5 innings (40%) 5. Tony Gauna — 2 ducks, 7 innings (29%) Mike Iliffe holds a narrow lead but Keith Miller's fearsome 40% strike rate suggests the title race is far from over. Same time next week — bring your bats, or don't bother.

A quiet week in the exclusive zero club — just three ducks from two outings — but one of them is a genuine collector's item, so read on. Saturday 29 July — 1st XI away to Sibton Park CC - Robert Chance opened up and departed early, bowled David Rawlings without troubling the scorer. Season duck number 1, and his 8th for the career from 149 innings — a solid rank 68 of 951 all-time. He's also long since inscribed on the club's presumptive Retirement Duck roll from an earlier campaign, proof that even a "final" duck doesn't always stick. - At number 7, M Davison fell to Keeler for nought — and this was his very first senior innings. A proper Debutante Duck, the purest possible welcome to the crease, and with the ink barely dry he's already provisionally down for 1978's "One and Done" honours. Whether he collects a second is rather the point of the exercise. - A day for company: both Sibton Park ducks fell on the very anniversary of a 1963 nought from Gordon Fenner (1941–1973, 34 career ducks, 11th all-time), who made his against Birkenhead Grasshoppers CC. History repeating, thirty-something years on. Tuesday 1 August — Midweek XI away to Margate CC - David Carden, in at first drop, fell caught off T. Bond — the fielder's identity apparently lost to history, which feels fitting. His season and career tallies both tick to 1, from just 7 innings, good for rank 281 of 951. On this same date in 1964, Basil Sears — one of the true titans of the craft with 33 career ducks (rank 12 of 951), across a mighty 1947–1975 span — was also walking back for nought. Illustrious company for a first-timer. Week in summary Three ducks, two matches, and the headline act is Davison's debut nought at Sibton Park — always a bittersweet way to begin an LPCC career, but the door to the honours board is now officially open. Chance and Carden keep the wheels of consistency turning quietly in the background, the way this club likes it. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks in 7 innings (42.9%) - Jim Hall — 3 ducks in 23 innings (13.0%) - Tony Gauna — 2 ducks in 7 innings (28.6%) - David Buck — 2 ducks in 11 innings (18.2%) - Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 13 innings (15.4%) Mike Iliffe leads the way on both volume and percentage — a fine bit of triumph through adversity. Plenty of season left for the chasing pack to make their move, and no doubt the next fixture will offer fresh candidates. See you all at the crease 🏏🍩0️⃣

A single fixture on the books this week, and I regret to inform the membership that the ducks evaded capture entirely. Not one nought to report across the whole afternoon. Every batsman who walked to the crease at some point walked back having troubled the scorer — a state of affairs the Duck Club can only describe as deeply irregular. Whether this is down to uncharacteristically sound batting, generous bowling, or simply the ducks enjoying a rare day off, the committee cannot say. The exclusive zero club remains exclusive by default this week rather than by admission. Still, the season simmers on nicely elsewhere, and the race for Duck of the Year continues to sharpen. 🍩 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🥇 Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks in 7 innings (42.9%) — a rate that borders on the vocational 🥈 Jim Hall — 3 ducks in 23 innings (13.0%) — quantity matched by a healthier average elsewhere 🥉 Tony Gauna — 2 ducks in 7 innings (28.6%) 4️⃣ David Buck — 2 ducks in 11 innings (18.2%) 5️⃣ Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 12 innings (16.7%) Mike Iliffe sits top of the pile on pure strike rate, though Jim Hall's tally shows the sterner, more seasoned brand of consistency the club so admires. Plenty of season left for either to pull away — or for a fresh face to gatecrash the top five entirely. A quiet week for the honours board, then, but never fear — the ducks are only ever one loose shot away. 🏏 Next fixture, normal service is confidently expected to resume. Bring your bats, gentlemen, the zero club is always recruiting. 🦆0️⃣

Two fixtures on the go this weekend and the Duck Club kept things refreshingly restrained — just the one nought banked, but it came from a name who knows this club's honours boards better than most. 🏏 1st XI — Away Day at Bowaters Tim Thirkell departed at number three, caught Martin Williams bowled Paul Williams, for his first duck of the 1978 season. It's a tidy addition to an already formidable collection — 37 career ducks now, good enough for 9th of 949 in the all-time table, a rarefied neighbourhood indeed. Tim needs no introduction to the honours boards. He's a former Duck of the Year (1972), a fixture in both the Ducks on the Road and Lone Duck top tens, a certified Homebody Duck regular, and — the crown jewel — a Full House member, having now registered a duck in every position from 1 to 11. Not many can say the art of not scoring has been mastered so thoroughly, in so many different postcodes on the scorecard. His name also appears in the Quacking Together annals alongside Jim Hall, a shared duck from years gone by. The surname carries weight beyond one man, too — kinsman John Thirkell sits on a colossal 90 career ducks, sibling Nigel Thirkell has 26 of his own, and Stuart Thirkell chips in with 1. A proper Duck Club dynasty. And rather charmingly, on this very day back in 1972, Fred Greenfield also fell for a duck against Folkestone CC — Fred played for the club from 1964 to 1972, finished with 19 career ducks good for 30th all-time, and holds the rather poetic distinction of a Retirement Duck, having bowed out of his Linton career on precisely nought. 📊 Week in Summary One duck from two matches — a quiet weekend by the Duck Club's usual gluttonous standards, but quality over quantity, and Tim's contribution alone carried plenty of ceremonial weight. Sometimes the exclusive zero club prefers to induct with dignity rather than volume. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks from 7 innings (42.9%) 2. Jim Hall — 3 ducks from 22 innings (13.6%) 3. Tony Gauna — 2 ducks from 7 innings (28.6%) 4. David Buck — 2 ducks from 11 innings (18.2%) 5. Jon Harris — 2 ducks from 12 innings (16.7%) Mike Iliffe leads the way on a startling near-43% strike rate — truly a season of triumph through adversity. The rest of the pack will be eyeing him nervously. 🦆 Next fixture, more opportunities for glorious failure. The Duck Club never sleeps — it just waits for someone to nick one behind. See you at the crease.

A modest weekend for the exclusive zero club — just two fixtures and three ducks laid down — but modest in number only. What follows still carries all the ceremony the occasion demands. Saturday 8 July 1st XI v Medway Valley (home) Brian Piper fell first, bowled by I- Thorburn without troubling the scorers, his 1st duck of the weekend and 6th of a career now spanning 90 innings — 70th of 948 in the club's all-time roll of dishonour. On this very date in 1975, LPCC great Jim Hall was walking back for nought of his own against West Farleigh CC — some duck-shaped debts, it seems, come due on schedule. Piper's sibling David isn't far off the pace either, sat on 5 career ducks of his own — evidently a family trait, even practised solo today. David Iliffe kept him company at number 9, bowled by T- Collins for his 1st LPCC duck from just 4 innings, easing into 281st of 948. Watch this space — his parent, Mike Iliffe, already carries a formidable 37 career ducks and currently leads the season standings below. David's introduction to the club shares its calendar date with Iliffe senior's own kinsman-in-spirit, Jim Hall, whose 1975 duck against West Farleigh CC falls on this exact day. Sunday NVKC v Langleybury CC (home) Brian Piper wasn't done. Trapped lbw by B- Davey, he completed the weekend's grim double — a proper pair — moving to 7 career ducks, still 70th of 948. Seventy-six years earlier to the day, F E Wallis made a duck against Town Malling CC in 1902 — proof that this fixture list has always had a taste for symmetry. Week in Summary Three ducks from two matches, with Brian Piper doing the heavy lifting via his weekend pair, and David Iliffe opening his account at the death of the innings. No golden ducks, no king pairs, no family doubles this time — the Club will take its triumphs where it finds them. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks from 7 innings (42.86%) - Jim Hall — 3 ducks from 20 innings (15.00%) - Tony Gauna — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33.33%) - Jon Harris — 2 ducks from 10 innings (18.18%) - David Buck — 2 ducks from 11 innings (18.18%) Mike Iliffe holds the season summit as David gets his own account under way lower down the order — a family duck dynasty quietly assembling itself, one nought at a time. The season presses on, and the Duck Club never sleeps for long. Who fancies adding their name to the list next weekend? 🦆🏏0️⃣

A slender weekend for the hunters of nought — two fixtures on the go, and the exclusive zero club processed just one new arrival. But quality over quantity, as ever, in the art of not scoring. Saturday — 1st XI v Rainham (Kent) CC (home) Trevor Back, walking in at four, departed caught Mark Swaine bowled S- Maley without troubling the scorers. It's his 2nd duck of the 1978 campaign and the 8th of a career now standing at 50 innings — good enough for 68th on the all-time list of 948, a position he defends with the quiet consistency of a man who has made a habit of it. Trevor is no stranger to the honours boards either, holding down spots in the Ducks on the Road top 10, the Homebody Duck top 10 and the Lone Duck top 10 — a rare trick of ducking both far from home and in it. He's also enshrined twice over in the pairing boards, "Only Two Quacks" with Allan Cooper and "Quacking Together" with Jon Harris, proof that misery does love company. Splendidly, on this very day back in 1955, G Hill also fell for nought against Charles Arkcoll — a duck laid down 23 years to the day before Trevor's own. History, it seems, enjoys repeating itself in the least productive way possible. The other Saturday fixture passed off duck-free — eleven players, presumably, all managing to trouble the scorers at least once. Can't have everything. Week in Summary One duck from two matches — a lean haul, but Trevor's carried the flag admirably. No pairs, no golden ducks, no family affairs to report this time round. Sometimes the zero club simply has a quiet fortnight; the ducks, like the weather, cannot be relied upon. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Mike Iliffe — 3 ducks in 7 innings (42.9%) 2. Jim Hall — 3 ducks in 18 innings (16.7%) 3. Tony Gauna — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.3%) 4. Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 9 innings (22.2%) 5. David Buck — 2 ducks in 10 innings (20.0%) Mike Iliffe leads the charge at a startling 43% strike rate for nothing at all — truly the art of not scoring, perfected. 🦆 That's the lot for this round. Next fixture, more willing volunteers no doubt queue up for the honours board — bring your bats, and your best excuses. 🍩0️⃣

Three fixtures, six ducks, and one Hythe bowler who decided the LPCC card belonged to him. Read on. Saturday 24 June - 1st XI v Hythe CC (h) Neil Cugley ran a personal cull through the LPCC order, claiming all four ducks of the innings between him. David Buck went first, caught P Elston off Cugley for his 2nd duck of the season and 6th of a 32-innings career - 76th on the all-time list of ignominy. On this very day in 1975, Ian Brattle was performing the same trick against Leybourne CC, on his way to 10 for the club. Mike Iliffe followed, bowled Cugley, for his 3rd duck of the season already - a startling 42.86% strike rate from just 7 innings that plants him top of this season's leaderboard. Duck number 37 nudges him to 8th all-time, a rarefied altitude for the exclusive zero club. Then William Buck, out hit wicket off Cugley - the connoisseur's method of self-dismissal - for his 1st of the season and 30th career, 16th all-time, and a proud member of Quacking Together (with John Thirkell). And Terry Donovan, bowled, his 1st of the season and 18th career, 33rd all-time - Duck of the Year 1964 and forever a Full House nearly-man, one position short of the complete set. 🍩👨‍👦 Duck and Ducklings - William and David Buck both departed for nought in the very same innings, father on his 30th, son on his 6th. A parent and child sharing the crease of shame together is the rarest ceremony this club offers, and Hythe delivered it on a plate. Wednesday 28 June - Midweek XI v Sevenoaks & District Wednesday CC (a) Andrew Hales, caught Hollamby bowled Gaston, opened his season's account and his career one alike - 1st duck from 5 innings, sitting 245th all-time. A chip off the old block, with sibling Dave Hales also a fellow member of the noughts club on 1. On this day in 1975, Phil Hickman was likewise dismissed, against Tilling Steven. Sunday 25 June - Sunday NVKC v Marden CC, Kent (h) Malcolm Pay, bowled Hooker, brought up his 2nd of the season and 6th career from 52 innings - 83rd all-time. On this day in 1969, Terry Whittaker was doing exactly the same against West Kent Wanderers, en route to 30 and a place on the Retirement Duck honours board. 📋 Week in summary: 6 ducks across 3 matches, four of them harvested in a single ruthless spell at Hythe - proof, if any were needed, that the art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Mike Iliffe - 3 ducks, 7 innings, 42.86% 2. Jim Hall - 3 ducks, 18 innings, 16.67% 3. Tony Gauna - 2 ducks, 6 innings, 33.33% 4. Jon Harris - 2 ducks, 8 innings, 25.0% 5. David Buck - 2 ducks, 10 innings, 20.0% Iliffe holds top spot for now, but with a whole season of fixtures still to come, nobody's place at the top - or the bottom - is safe. See you all next weekend for the next instalment of triumph through adversity 🦆🏏

Three fixtures on the go this week, and the exclusive zero club kept its books open for exactly two new members — both, as it happens, from the 1st XI. Modest pickings, but never let it be said the art of not scoring took a week off. 1st XI - Saturday at Maidstone YMCA CC, David Buck went first at number six, bowled by D. Goodger. It's his 1st duck of the season and his 5th career quack from 30 innings, tucking him in at 86th of 945 in the all-time table. A chip off the old block too — his relative William Buck carries 29 of his own, so the family clearly has previous with the dreaded nought. On this very day back in 1939, X Rayner was doing much the same thing against Castle Hill CC, Kent — a Duck Club stalwart of 1939–1963 who, fittingly, later bowed out of his own career on a duck. - Sunday at Bobbing Court CC, Trevor Back opened the innings and departed caught and bowled by Paul Aylward without troubling the scorers. His 1st duck of the season, 7th of his career from 47 innings, and 73rd of 945 all-time — a name with proper pedigree on the honours board, sitting among the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top tens and paired for posterity in "Only Two Quacks" with Allan Cooper and "Quacking Together" with Jon Harris. History rhymes here too: on this same date in 1961, Robert Murray fell for nought against Halfway House on his way to 17 career ducks. Week in summary Two ducks from three matches — a quiet weekend by Linton standards, with the remaining two fixtures stubbornly fowl-free. Both casualties came at the top and middle of the 1st XI order, proof that no position is ever truly safe from history repeating itself. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Jim Hall — 16 innings, 3 ducks, 18.75% - Mike Iliffe — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% - Tony Gauna — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% - Jon Harris — 8 innings, 2 ducks, 25.0% - Colin Pay — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Colin Pay sits on a flawless record so far — one innings, one duck, nowhere to go but down. The chase for Duck of the Year 1978 is well and truly on. Next fixture, fresh victims. The zero club never closes its doors — see you all at the crease. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Three matches played across the period, but the zero club only convened for one of them — away at Leigh CC, Kent, where the lower order proved wonderfully generous to the scorebook. Sunday NVKC The tail folded in matching fashion at Leigh. Brian Woodcock (8) was bowled by John Holden without scoring — his 1st duck of the season and 4th of a steadily building career, now 100th of 944 in the all-time table. On this very day in 1967, Terry Whittaker (1958–1972, 30 ducks, 15th all-time) was also trudging off for nought, against Hartley Country Club CC — some traditions carry down the decades. Two balls later in the order, Jon Harris (10) was bowled — appropriately enough — by a fellow Harris, Roger, for his 2nd duck of the season and 37th of his career, keeping him a formidable 7th on the all-time list. Jon is paid-up in some serious company: Debutante Duck, Duck of the Year 1976, and the rare and exclusive Full House — a duck at every position from 1 to 11. The honours run in the family too, with Richard Harris's own 36 career ducks keeping the surname well represented on the wider board. Like Brian, Jon joins Terry Whittaker's 1967 vintage on this same calendar day in history. Last man Tony Gauna (11) completed the set, bowled by Charlie Raker for his 2nd duck of the season and 21st of his career — 29th all-time. Same day, same fate as Whittaker back in '67 — the ghost of Hartley Country Club CC was clearly making the rounds. Week in summary Three ducks from three matches, all three arriving in the very same beleaguered Leigh CC innings — the top order stayed watchful, the tail had rather different plans. A modest harvest, but a beautifully concentrated one. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Jim Hall — 13 inns, 3 ducks (23.08%) - Mike Iliffe — 5 inns, 2 ducks (40.0%) - Tony Gauna — 5 inns, 2 ducks (40.0%) - Jon Harris — 7 inns, 2 ducks (28.57%) - Colin Pay — 1 inn, 1 duck (100.0%) Jim Hall still leads the chase, but with Tony and Jon both freshly restocked this week, 1978's Duck of the Year race is far from settled. Roll on the next fixture — the zero club never rests for long. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A lean week for the Duck Hunting fraternity — just two proper ducks from three fixtures — but both came from seasoned hands with the kind of career numbers that command respect in these dubious circles. 🏏 Saturday 3rd June A fixture passed by entirely unmolested — no ducks recorded. A rare and, frankly, slightly suspicious afternoon of collective competence from the top order. 🏏 1st XI Sunday 4th June, at home to St Lawrence & Highland Court CC — Mike Iliffe fell early, bowled by William Simpson, for his 2nd duck of the season. It's his 36th in Linton Park colours, lifting him to a lofty 8th in the all-time list of 944 — rarefied air indeed. Spare a nod for Stan Wratten (1943–1978), who on this very date back in 1967 also strolled back for nought, against Hythe CC — the calendar has a long memory. Tuesday 6th June, at home to Hollingbourne CC — Jim Hall came unstuck at number five, bowled by Alan Ovenden, for his 3rd duck of the season and 37th of an illustrious career, good enough for 6th in the all-time standings. Jim carries his Debutante Duck badge from his very first innings, is a two-time Duck of the Year (1970 and 1977), and sits agonisingly one position short of the Full House — a duck at every spot in the order bar one. He's a regular in the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and shares Quacking Together honours with Jon Harris, Martin Mears and Tim Thirkell. Fittingly, on this same day in 1967, none other than John Thirkell — the club's all-time duck emperor with 90 to his name — also failed to trouble the scorers, against Civil Service CC, Kent. Illustrious company for an inglorious moment. 📅 Week in Summary Two ducks from three matches this period, both from the 1st XI's most decorated non-scorers — no debutants, no pairs, no family affairs to report. A quiet week by the Duck Club's usual standards, but the season race rolls on regardless. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Jim Hall — 11 inns, 3 ducks (27.3%) - Mike Iliffe — 5 inns, 2 ducks (40.0%) - Colin Pay — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - John Bloomfield — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - Keith Miller — 3 inns, 1 duck (33.3%) The ducks have merely gone to ground, not extinct. Roll on the next fixture — the honours boards await their next candidates. 🦆🏏

The Duck Hunting Season presses on into early summer, and the 1st XI have been doing all the heavy lifting this week — six ducks across three matches, the exclusive zero club open for business at every fixture. 🏏 Saturday 27 May — Maidstone YMCA CC (home) Geoff Dearing enjoyed himself at Linton's expense, striking twice in the same innings. Mike Iliffe departed for nought at first drop, caught behind off Dearing — his 1st duck of the season and 35th of a long and storied career, moving him to 10th in the all-time standings. On this very day back in 1956, C- Haylor was doing much the same against Ron Aiston XI — some things never change. Keith Miller followed him back moments later, bowled by the same Dearing, for his 1st duck of the season and 5th of his career. More significantly, Keith arrives already installed as this year's Duck of the Year 1978 — the season race is his to lose, and he's off to an emphatic defence of the crown. 🏏 Monday 29 May — Bearsted CC (away) A miserable middle order at Bearsted, with three ducks in one innings. Jim Hall, a veritable pillar of the honours board — Duck of the Year in both 1970 and 1977, and forever one position short of the coveted Full House — added his 2nd duck of the season, bowled by Brian Burnett, and now stands on 36 for his career, 6th of all time. Nigel Thirkell made a duck on this same fixture back in 1972 — Bearsted clearly has previous. Bryan Elswood then helped himself to a pair of his own, removing Colin Pay and John Bloomfield in short order. Colin's was a genuine baptism of fire — his very first senior innings ended without troubling the scorers, earning him instant Debutante Duck honours (a club his brother Malcolm, on 5 career ducks, knows well). John Bloomfield, meanwhile, notched his 1st career duck from just 4 innings. 🏏 Thursday 1 June — Benenden CC (away) Tony Gauna rounded off the week, bowled by Roger Lake for his 1st duck of the season and 20th of his career — 29th on the all-time list. Back in 1903, Rev W A Carr was doing the same against 1st Innings Maidstone CC. Some traditions are older than the club itself. 📋 Week in Summary Six ducks from five matches, every single one credited to the 1st XI — the top order at Maidstone and the middle order at Bearsted taking it in turns to donate their wickets. Geoff Dearing and Bryan Elswood can both claim a brace for their trouble. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jim Hall — 8 innings, 2 ducks (25%) 2. Colin Pay — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 3. John Bloomfield — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 4. Keith Miller — 3 innings, 1 duck (33.3%) 5. Mike Iliffe — 3 innings, 1 duck (33.3%) 🍩 Onwards to next weekend, where the zero club stands ready to welcome its next inductees. Bring pads, bring hope, bring nothing home.

A weekend, three fixtures, and — brace yourselves — not a single nought to show for it. The 1978 vintage stubbornly refused to add to the tally this week, with every Linton Park batsman across all three matches managing to trouble the scorers at least once. Scandalous. The Duck Club convenes this week to a distinctly empty inbox. 🏏 The Hunt Comes Up Empty Three matches, zero ducks — a statistical anomaly so rare it deserves its own line in the minutes. Somewhere out there, Jon Harris, Allan Cooper, Jim Hall and Malcolm Pay will have been watching from the balcony with quiet relief, their season averages safe for another few days. The zero club's membership committee did not meet this week; there was simply nothing to process. Even the umpires, one imagines, are disappointed — nothing quite tests their nerve like a confident LBW shout on nought. Still, a quiet week for the hunters is never a permanently quiet season. The ducks are out there, biding their time, and 1978 has plenty of cricket left in it yet. 0️⃣ Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 0️⃣ - Jon Harris — 1 duck from 2 innings (50.0%) - Allan Cooper — 1 duck from 3 innings (33.33%) - Jim Hall — 1 duck from 5 innings (20.0%) - Malcolm Pay — 1 duck from 5 innings (20.0%) Jon Harris sits top on strike rate alone, though with only two innings on the board it's early days — Allan Cooper will fancy his chances of overtaking him the moment either man next walks to the crease. Jim Hall and Malcolm Pay share fourth on identical figures, a fine display of consistency of a very particular kind. 🍩 See you next round, when normal service — and no doubt a nought or two — will surely resume. Until then, the exclusive zero club remains open for business, patiently waiting for its next recruit. 🦆

Only one fixture on the books this week, but Sunday NVKC's trip to High Halstow CC made sure it counted double. Sunday NVKC v High Halstow CC (away) Allan Cooper, in at 9, was bowled by B Rayner without troubling the scorers — his 1st duck of the 1978 season and the 17th of a career now 97 innings deep, good enough for 33rd on the all-time list of 942. On this very day back in 1961, Eddie Lawrence (1956–1967, 8 ducks, 62nd all-time) was doing precisely the same thing against Halfway House. Some anniversaries keep themselves. One place further down the order, Jon Harris departed run out for nought, the identity of the fielder lost to posterity — also his 1st duck of the season, but his 36th overall, a tally that plants him a lofty 6th of all 942 names ever to grace this less illustrious honours board. Jon is a fully paid-up member of the Full House club, having now ducked at every position from 1 to 11, a Debutante Duck from way back whose very first innings for the club was a blob, and Duck of the Year 1976 to boot. He shares his 36 career ducks with his own kin, Richard Harris — clearly a family trait not confined to bat skill. And 1961's echo followed him too, courtesy of the same Eddie Lawrence. Best of all, Allan and Jon are old sparring partners in ignominy, each carrying an "Only Two Quacks" entry with the other's name on it. Evidently the occasion demanded a reprise — the pair chose the very same Sunday afternoon at High Halstow to renew the acquaintance in style. A tidy two ducks from the solitary fixture on the books, proof that one well-organised match can do a fortnight's work for the honours board. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Jon Harris — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) - Allan Cooper — 3 inns, 1 duck (33.33%) - Jim Hall — 3 inns, 1 duck (33.33%) - Malcolm Pay — 3 inns, 1 duck (33.33%) Jon Harris sets an early pace at the top of the table on a fearsome 50%, though with the season young there's ample time for the chasing pack to close the gap. Roll on next weekend, when the fixture list — and no doubt several more willing volunteers — awaits 🏏🦆0️⃣

Ordinarily a two-match window doesn't leave much room for ceremony, but Sunday's trip to face Biddenden CC delivered a tidy little brace of noughts and a genuinely rare bit of company at the crease. 🌱 Sunday NVKC — Biddenden CC At number five, Malcolm Pay departed for his 1st duck of the season, caught P Curtis bowled D Fraser, and quietly slots in as the 91st most prolific quacker in club history on 5 career ducks from 36 innings. He now sits shoulder to shoulder with a positively enormous cluster of the exclusive zero club all locked on 5 apiece, among them Brian Piper and David Piper (presumably comparing notes at the same family table), Jimmy Jameson of the 1941–1945 vintage, and W Goad, whose 5 were accumulated in the positively Victorian span of 1864 to 1872. Consistency of a very particular kind, spanning over a century. And on this very day back in 1972, Alan Cradduck was also dismissed for nought — against Bobbing Court CC no less — en route to his own Duck of the Year in 1974 and a tidy 27 career ducks. History, as ever, repeats itself in the most unscoreable way. One place down the order, Jim Hall followed him back for his 1st duck of the season too, caught M Westrup bowled D Fraser, and continues his long and distinguished residency at 8th on the all-time leaderboard with a formidable 35 career ducks from 184 innings. Mr Hall is, frankly, a walking honours board in his own right — a Debutante Duck from way back, twice Duck of the Year (1970 and 1977), a fixture in the Ducks on the Road and Homebody Duck top tens, agonisingly one position shy of the full set in Full House, and a serial collaborator in no fewer than five separate Quacking Together partnerships. He now draws level on 35 with Jon Harris, another card-carrying member of the Full House club, in a meeting of two of the club's great and thoroughly ignominious careers. Same fixture, same bowler, same fate twice over — D Fraser clearly fancied his chances against the LPCC middle order that day, and the middle order duly obliged. 📊 The Week in Numbers Two ducks from two matches, both surrendered to the same Biddenden attack in the same innings. No pairs, no golden ducks, no family affairs this time round — just two honest, hard-working contributions to the art of not scoring. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jim Hall — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0% 2. Malcolm Pay — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0% Early doors yet, with the pair locked together at the summit — plenty of season left for someone to break the deadlock, for better or for much, much worse. 🦆 Until the next fixture, when the Duck Club inevitably welcomes new (and returning) members. Bats up, ducks down!