🦆 The Duck Pond

A single fixture, a single afternoon at home to Bowaters CC, and yet the 1st XI's eleven found room enough for two duck's eggs to be laid before the same bowler. John Ibbotson, it seems, had their measure entirely. Let the record show it. 1st XI Brian Relf, promoted to first wicket down, was undone by John Ibbotson and sent back to the pavilion without score on what was, by the book, his very first innings for the club. A debut of the purest kind — he joins the Debutante Duck club on the strength of it, and all-time sits a respectable 117th of 610 in the club's long ledger of noughts. He is already down, too, as a paid-up member of the Quack-to-Quack fraternity and the Retirement Duck honours, though we trust those are honours earned in some earlier innings of the club's history and not a hint that we shan't see him again — Sunday next will tell. He shares, besides, a "Quacking Together" entry with Terry Whittaker from some previous rendezvous with nought. Curiously, this very day in 1945 saw D Clark similarly recalled to the pavilion without troubling the scorers against 1st Innings MCPC — five years apart, but evidently kindred spirits in the art of not scoring. Bert Buckoke followed at number eight, likewise accounting for John Ibbotson's figures, and made rather a habit of it — his third duck of the season and his tenth in a career now spanning forty-one innings. Third of all 610 in the club's history is no small distinction, and a man who already carries the Duck of the Year honour from 1928 must fancy his chances of adding the 1950 crown to the mantelpiece before the summer is out. As with his colleague, this same date in 1945 found D Clark similarly dismissed for nought against 1st Innings MCPC — the calendar, it seems, has long memory for these things. A modest week, all told: one match, two ducks, one common executioner in Mr Ibbotson, and the tail — such as it was at eight and three — offering little resistance either side of it. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Bert Buckoke — 4 innings, 3 ducks, 75.0% 2. E Lockyer — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.3% 3. Joe Fenner — 9 innings, 2 ducks, 22.2% 4. John --'s Taylor — 11 innings, 2 ducks, 18.2% 5. - Hooper — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% The season's honours board continues to reshuffle itself most satisfyingly. Members are warmly invited to the next fixture, where further plucky knocks, sticky wickets and the occasional duck's egg may confidently be expected.

A quiet week at the crease this week, ladies and gentlemen, but the exclusive zero club never entirely closes its doors, and one gentleman found himself elected to it all the same. 1st XI — versus Hayle Place CC (home) Opening the innings, John --'s Taylor played and missed at T Ewell and was bowled for a duck's egg, though not, we are glad to record, first ball — he weathered a delivery or two before the wicket fell, so no golden duck to add to his name. It is nonetheless his second duck of the season and the second of a career now standing at twelve innings, which places him seventy-seventh of the six hundred and seven gentlemen who have ever walked back before troubling the scorer. In this he draws level with A S Day, who occupied the crease between 1944 and 1949 and likewise retired on exactly two career ducks — a fine bit of company to keep, even if neither gentleman would thank us for the introduction. The Week in Summary One match, one duck — a sticky wicket for precisely one man, and the rest of the eleven kept their heads down and their bats straighter than usual. Whether this represents a triumph of application or simply a quiet Saturday for the bowlers, the Committee declines to speculate. The ducks, for once, largely evaded capture. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Bert Buckoke — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67% - E Lockyer — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.00% - Joe Fenner — 9 innings, 2 ducks, 22.22% - John --'s Taylor — 11 innings, 2 ducks, 18.18% - - Hooper — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.00% Bert Buckoke continues to lead the field by some distance, a position he holds with the sort of consistency the Club exists to celebrate. Mr Hooper, meanwhile, has made the most economical possible entry to the table — one innings, one duck, and a percentage that will take some shifting. The Committee looks forward with quiet confidence to next Saturday's fixture, when the eleven will doubtless furnish fresh candidates for these pages. Until then, the Duck Club remains, as ever, open for business.

A record of the eleven's grander failures — 1st July, 1950 The ducks kept remarkably shy counsel this week, venturing out but the once, in a home fixture against Bearsted CC — yet what the week wanted in quantity it made up for in the quality of its victim, a name well known to the Committee. 1st XI Batting at eleven, where duty is expected rather more than runs, Bert Buckoke was bowled by Vic Pound for a duck's egg — his second such offering of the summer, and the ninth of a career now nine and thirty innings deep, good enough, or bad enough, for fifth place among all who have ever walked this particular road home, six hundred and seven strong. The Committee notes with some satisfaction that Mr Buckoke is already a two time laureate of the Duck of the Year, crowned in 1928 and, the ink scarcely dry, again in 1950 - a season not yet out and already spoken for. Curiously, on this very first of July back in 1903, one George Champion also strolled back for nought, against Yalding CC of all sides - a coincidence of the calendar the exclusive zero club treasures rather more than the players concerned ever did. The Week in Brief One match, one duck, one gentleman doing the honours for the second time this season already - a quiet week for the tally keeper, though Mr Buckoke shews no sign of relinquishing his grip on the summer's wooden spoon. Duck Hunting Season - Leaderboard - Bert Buckoke - 2 innings, 2 ducks, a faultless 100% - E Lockyer - 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40% - Joe Fenner - 9 innings, 2 ducks, 22.22% - Hooper - 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - B Lloyd - 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% The eleven takes the field again presently, and the Committee awaits with its usual mixture of dread and delight - for where there is cricket, there shall always be a duck's egg waiting to be laid.

A Chronicle of the Nought — for the week of the 24th to 25th June, 1950 Two matches, two ducks: a modest catch for the Club's watchful eye, but the register of dubious distinction never turns away a subscription however small, and grows steadier for it week upon week. The First Eleven Saturday, at home to Tovil, and Arthur Cradduck came to the crease at number six only to be run out before he had troubled the scorer, the confusion at the striker's end being a matter for the fielding side's conscience rather than his own. It is his first duck of the season, and the first of a career now five innings old — he takes his place 112th of the 607 gentlemen who have gone before him into this exclusive company, and joins - Gaskin, whose own single career nought (from one solitary innings back in 1949) sits him at exactly the same tally. A fine beginning to a collection, Cradduck, and may it grow no further this season. Sunday brought the Desert Rats to Linton Park, and Don Hartridge, holding the same number six berth, was given out leg before to the bowling of W Hall. A first duck of this season for him, though scarcely his first acquaintance with the Club — his fifth career nought from thirty-nine innings sees him installed 14th of all 607 on the all-time roll, a lofty and rather melancholy perch. He draws level on five career ducks with Allan Peach, who compiled his own quintet of noughts between 1903 and 1907 — good company for a man who evidently prefers his straight bat kept for other occasions. The Week in Summary A quiet week by the Club's usual bustling standards: two matches, two ducks, no pairs and no family gatherings to report. The rest of the eleven, it would seem, kept their straight bats about them and left only Cradduck and Hartridge to carry the Club's colours. Consistency, as ever, comes in a great many forms, and not all of them are welcome at the crease. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - E Lockyer — 4 innings, 2 ducks (50.0%) - Joe Fenner — 9 innings, 2 ducks (22.2%) - Hooper — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - B Lloyd — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - Bert Buckoke — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) The season's leading lights of the art of not scoring remain in fine and dismal form, and the Club awaits with quiet confidence the additions the next fixture will surely bring. Members are cordially invited to attend, bat in hand, and to trust that the eleven's luck at the crease will hold rather firmer than it has these past two days.

Only one soul answered the call of the zero club this week, but a lone duck flaps just as proudly as a flock, and the honours board takes note regardless of numbers. 1st XI, at home to Hambros Bank In strode Joe Fenner at first wicket down, and out he went again lbw to the bowling of F Chapman, without so much as a run to his name. It is his second duck of a summer already turning quackish, and the fifth of a career now thirty-three innings deep — enough to see him settle at 17th of 607 in the club's whole solemn history of the dismissed-for-nought. A Fenner trait, this: his brother Gordon sits on an identical five career ducks, so whatever it is that lands a Fenner back in the pavilion without scoring, it does appear to run in the blood. And by a pleasant quirk of the calendar, on this very day in 1949 John Thirkell was performing precisely the same trick against Bowaters CC — a small fraternity of the nought, scattered across the years but united in feeling. The week in brief One match, one duck, one Fenner walking back with his straight bat unrewarded. A quiet week for the club by its own modest standards, though quiet weeks have a habit of being followed by louder ones. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - E Lockyer — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - Joe Fenner — 7 innings, 2 ducks, 28.57% - Hooper — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - B Lloyd — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Bert Buckoke — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% E Lockyer leads by the purest possible method, having failed to trouble the scorers in either innings played this season, while Hooper, Lloyd and Buckoke each stand on a record equally unblemished, one innings and one duck apiece. Play resumes next weekend, and the club stands ready, as ever, to welcome new members to its most exclusive and least sought-after distinction. Who among the eleven will next make their contribution to the ledger?

Three fixtures were contested this week, and though two of them passed with every egg intact, the First Eleven's outing at Lloyds Social Club furnished the exclusive zero club with three fresh entries in a single sorry innings. 1st XI, away to Lloyds Social Club, 10th June Joe Fenner, promoted to first wicket down, was bowled by J. Stevens for a duck's egg — his first of the summer, and the fourth of a career now two-and-thirty innings deep, good enough for 28th place of all 606 names on the club's roll of dishonour. He keeps company with C. Amies, who played between 1867 and 1870 and sits on the very same tally of four, proof that the art of not scoring has never gone out of fashion. Cricketing kinship runs in the family too — his brother Gordon carries five career ducks of his own, so the Fenners are building quite the joint estate in nought. Down at number eight, Bert Buckoke was run out without troubling the scorers — his first duck of the season, and the eighth of an illustrious career, illustrious in this particular currency at any rate, leaving him fifth of all 606 in the club's history. A two-time Duck of the Year, in 1928 and again this very season of 1950, Buckoke wears his ignominy like a badge of office. George Champion, who turned out between 1886 and 1912 and gathered his own eight ducks across seventy-four innings, keeps him honest company on the same career total. At number ten, E. Lockyer departed caught by S. Jarrett off the bowling of J. Ibbotson — his second duck of the season, and remarkably his second career duck too, in only five innings played, a rate of failure that ought to have the selectors reaching for the smelling salts. That places him 63rd of all 606, level on career ducks with A. S. Day, who managed the same modest tally between 1944 and 1949 in eleven innings. The week in summary Three matches, three ducks, all laid in the one basket at Lloyds Social Club — the other two fixtures passed off without a single egg to report, which speaks either well of the batting or poorly of the bowling, depending on one's allegiance. A middle-order man, a lower-order man and a tail-ender all present at the same funeral suggests the Lloyds attack had the measure of the innings from top to bottom. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. E. Lockyer — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% 2. — Hooper — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 3. B. Lloyd — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 4. Bert Buckoke — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 5. Bob Arnold — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% A perfect quintet of centurions at the foot of the table, though not the sort of century any of them will be framing for the clubhouse wall. The next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, fresh candidates queuing patiently for the pavilion steps. The Duck Club extends its warmest commiserations to all named above, and its keen anticipation to whoever joins them next.

- E Lockyer, batting at Number Seven against Old Williamsonians CC on the Saturday, was bowled by K- Russ and returned to the pavilion for nought — his first duck of the season, and the first blot upon a career now standing at four innings. He takes his place alongside - Gaskin, of the 1949 vintage, level on a single career duck apiece — kindred spirits in the art of not scoring, though separated by a season and several places on the club's long roll of dishonour. - B Lloyd, at Number Ten against West Farleigh CC on the Sunday, was run out for a blank scoresheet on the very first occasion he pulled on the club's cap — a debut to be remembered, if not quite for the reasons a young batsman might wish, and one that earns him immediate and permanent membership of the Debutante Duck board. By a pleasing coincidence of the calendar, this very day in 1898 saw C S Smith make a duck of his own against Sutton Valence School, on his way to a career total of three and the distinction of Duck of the Year that same season. Mr Lloyd may take some comfort, or perhaps none at all, in such distinguished and long-departed company. Week in Summary A quiet week by the club's usual generous standards — one duck per fixture, honours shared between bowled and run out, and both eggs laid on home soil. No pairs, no golden ducks, and the family name-boards remain undisturbed. A modest week's harvest, but the ducks, as ever, prefer patience to profusion. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. - Hooper — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 2. B Lloyd — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 3. Bob Arnold — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 4. D Simmons — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 5. E Lockyer — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% A perfect season so far for all five gentlemen named above, each maintaining flawless consistency of a very particular kind. Whether this is a record to be defended or shed at the earliest opportunity, the club leaves entirely to conscience. The next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, further candidates for these pages. The eleven takes the field once more, and the ducks, patient as ever, will be watching from the boundary rope.

A record of the Eleven's dealings with nought, 27th–29th May 1950 Three fixtures fell to the Eleven this week, and five gentlemen returned to the pavilion without troubling the scorer — a fine haul for the exclusive zero club, that place of dubious distinction where consistency of a very particular kind is its own reward. 1st XI Opening the account against Hunton Wanderers CC on the 27th, John --'s Taylor was undone lbw to R Moon — his first duck's egg of the season and the first of his career in seven innings, placing him 183rd of 603 on the club's long roll of failure. He joins - Gaskin, of the 1949 season, level on a tally of exactly one. Following him back to the pavilion in the same match was - Hooper, bowled by R Venner at number seven — and on his very first appearance for the club, no less. A duck on debut is a bittersweet welcome, but Hooper's name now sits, 95th of 603, in the Debutante Duck gallery, keeping company with the One and Done roll for 1950 and the Retirement Duck honours board, though the Eleven trusts he shall have rather more to say for himself before any retirement is confirmed. Like Taylor, he sits level with - Gaskin on a single career duck. The following day, against Folkestone CC, Ray Tippen was bowled by Frank Rumbold for nought — his first duck of the season and the first in ten innings of a career that already carries the Retirement Duck honour from an earlier occasion, and stands 213th of 603 overall. Curiously, on this very day in 1928, Bert Buckoke also strolled back for nought, against Bearsted CC — a coincidence of the calendar rather than the opposition, but a pleasing one nonetheless. Sunday's fixture against Herne Bay CC proved a rewarding one for the close fielder, with A Wright taking two catches off his own bowling in short order. Richard Harris departed for nought at number five, his first duck of the season and fifth of his career in twenty innings, good enough for 17th of 603 on the all-time list — a place of real distinction in this particular discipline. Not far behind at number nine went Bob Arnold, also caught and bowled by Wright, his first duck of the season and second of his career, standing 56th of 603 and carrying the honours of Ducks in a Row for four in a row, plus the paired distinctions of Quacking Together with John Thirkell and Only Two Quacks with Alan Wilkes. Harris and Arnold, by a fine quirk of the calendar, share their duck's twin in E Hayes, who fell in exactly this fashion against Charles Arkcoll on this day in 1937. The week in brief Five ducks in three matches, all claimed by the 1st XI, with Herne Bay's A Wright accounting for two of them off his own bowling in a single innings — a spell to be reckoned with. No pairs and no family affairs to report this week, which the Eleven considers, on balance, a mercy. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - - Hooper — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Bob Arnold — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - D Simmons — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Ray Tippen — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Richard Harris — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% The Eleven takes the field again shortly, and the club has every confidence that further additions to the honours boards will not long be delayed. Until then, keep a straight bat, and may your luck hold where theirs did not.

A lean week for the connoisseurs of nought, two fixtures played and but a single egg laid between them. Still, quality over quantity, as any true student of the art of not scoring will tell you. The First Eleven Mr John Thirkell, at four in the order and away from home against Charles Arkcoll's eleven, was undone in the accustomed fashion — caught Humphrey Morris, bowled Stan Wratten — and trudged back to the pavilion to add his name to the season's roll of honour. It is his first duck's egg of the 1950 season, and the third of a career now twenty-four innings long, which plants him a solid 44th of 602 in the club's all-time list of dubious distinction. A long-serving member of several standing companies besides — the Ducks on the Road top ten, the Homebody Duck top ten, and the Lone Duck top ten among them — Mr Thirkell has twice before shared the ignominy in company, once with Mr Bob Arnold and once with Mr William Buck, though neither companion troubled the scorers alongside him on this occasion. He joins, on exactly three career ducks apiece, the name of A Kent, who managed the same tally for the 1893 eleven and was crowned that year's Duck of the Year for his trouble — kindred spirits fifty-seven years apart, bound by the same modest total. In Summary One duck, two matches, and precious little else to report — the ducks, it seems, mostly evaded the net this week. A quiet round for the club's least-wanted trophy, but the season is young yet. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - D Simmons — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - John Thirkell — 5 innings, 1 duck, 20% The eleven takes the field again presently, and the Duck Club's scouts will be watching every departing batsman with their usual keen and faintly ghoulish interest. Should the tail wag or a fresh name walk the plank, you may be sure it will be recorded here in due course.

A quiet week upon the whole, with only two fixtures played and but a single name added to the register — though a solitary duck, dear reader, is no less an occasion for ceremony than a dozen. 1st XI At Bearsted, on the 13th, D Simmons strode to the crease at number seven and departed for nought, run out by a fielder whose identity the scorebook, in its wisdom, declined to record — "Unsure" being, on reflection, rather a fitting epitaph for the whole sorry business. This is the first duck's egg of the season for Simmons, and the second of a career now standing at six innings — a rate of failure that places him a very respectable 59th of 601 in the club's long and honourable roll of the dismissed. Not yet a name for the honours boards, but a promising apprenticeship in the art of not scoring is plainly under way. Curiously, on this very day in 1940 — a full decade before Simmons's own contribution — B Westover likewise trudged back for nought, against the George Fenner XI, one of nine such innings that yet sees Westover installed in fourth place of all time. The zero club, it seems, keeps its calendar as faithfully as its ledger. The Week in Summary One duck from two matches is a slim harvest by the Club's usual generous standards — the eleven, on the whole, appear to have played rather too straight a bat this week for our purposes. Still, where Bearsted is concerned, Simmons alone flew the flag for failure, and flew it with a certain understated dignity. No pairs, no families of ducks, no golden eggs to report — merely one plucky, if fruitless, contribution to the great tradition. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - D Simmons — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% A leaderboard of one is, admittedly, an easy table to top, and Simmons finds himself there by simple virtue of being the only contender who troubled the scorers this week — in the wrong direction. Whether he can be caught, or indeed whether he shall wish to be, remains a question for the fixtures ahead. The season is young yet, and the wicket at the far end has a way of producing further candidates. Members are warmly encouraged to keep their bats straight — or, in the finer traditions of this Club, resolutely otherwise — for the next match promises the eleven every opportunity to add to this modest register.

A quiet week to report, and for once the quiet is the story. The eleven took the field on Saturday last, and by close of play not a single member of the batting order had contrived to depart for nought. A clean sheet. A whitewash of the wrong sort, from the Duck Club's point of view. We confess to a certain flatness in the clubhouse at this news. The exclusive zero club thrives on adversity nobly borne, and this week adversity simply declined to show up. Bats were played straight, singles were taken where ducks might once have been laid, and the tail — usually so reliable a source of comedy — wagged its way to respectable scores instead of the pavilion steps. One rather suspects the wicket was too kind for its own good. Still, the committee takes the long view. A team cannot manufacture failure to order, however much tradition might wish it, and a season is a long business with many a sticky wicket yet to come. The ducks have merely gone to ground this week, not retired from the field altogether, and past form suggests they will be back among us directly. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard Nothing yet to report here either — the season's honours board stands empty of any fresh entries, awaiting its first candidate for 1950. A blank ledger is a rare sight in these parts, and we shall watch with interest to see whose name is first to grace it. We look ahead, then, to the next fixture with the club's usual mixture of hope and mild anticipation of disaster. Someone, somewhere, is surely due a duck's egg before the season is very much older — and when he finds it, this gazette shall be first to mark the occasion with the ceremony it deserves. Until then, the members of the Duck Club remain, as ever, in cheerful reserve.