🦆 The Duck Pond

A quiet couple of days for the eleven, but the honours board never truly rests — one gentleman did make his way back to the pavilion without troubling the scorer, and here his innings, such as it was, is recorded for posterity. 1st XI Down at home against British Legion Boughton Monchelsea on the 18th, in strode Gordon Fenner at number nine, and out he went too, bowled by J Genn, though not first ball — a duck earned with at least a modicum of application, if not of runs. This was his fifth career duck in forty-two innings, placing him a respectable 14th of 599 in the club's ledger of shame, a position he holds with the quiet dignity of a man who has been here before and shall doubtless be here again. He now joins the estimable Allan Peach, who plied his trade for the club between 1903 and 1907, on exactly five career ducks apiece — kindred spirits separated by four and a half decades but united in the art of not scoring. Those keeping half an eye on family form may note his brother Joe Fenner already carries three ducks of his own, so the appetite for nought appears to run in the blood. The Week in Brief Two matches played, and but a single duck's egg laid between them — the ducks, on the whole, evaded capture this week, content to leave Mr Fenner to fly the flag alone. Whether this reflects a sudden outbreak of watchfulness at the crease, or simply a want of opportunity, the Duck Club declines to speculate. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard Still very much a three-way scrap at the top of this season's table of dubious distinction: - C Horton — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%), setting a fearsome pace - Bert Buckoke — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.00%) - P Clark — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.00%) - John Thirkell — 2 ducks in 12 innings (16.67%), the more seasoned campaigner - Gaskin — 1 duck in a single innings (100.00%), a perfect start if ever there was one A slim week for the club's records, but the season is young yet, and the wicket has a way of turning sticky when least expected. The eleven take the field again shortly, and history suggests the honours board will not stay quiet for long — do come along and see who joins it next.

Down at Maidstone the eleven found the going sticky, and the away trip against Maidstone YMCA CC yielded not one but four fresh entries for the honours board of dubious distinction. A quartet of straight bats met crooked fortune, and the pavilion door swung four times before lunch was properly digested. 1st XI Opening the innings and opening the ledger of woe, Basil Sears fell caught by J- Hendley off T- Hendley's bowling without troubling the scorer — his 1st duck of the season and only the 12th innings of a career that has otherwise kept its nose reasonably clean, landing him 109th of 598 in the club's long and honourable roll of failure. Curiously, on this very day in 1944 a young A S Day also strolled back for nought against George Fenner's XI — a fine coincidence of the calendar, if cold comfort to Sears. Down at number seven, Bert Buckoke was bowled by - Standen for his 2nd duck of the campaign and, more gravely, his 7th of a long and storied career — a career now standing proudly, or otherwise, at 7th of 598 all time, and a paid-up holder of the Duck of the Year 1928 board besides. He now sits level on career ducks with the venerable A Startup, whose seven noughts between 1868 and 1882 earned him three separate Duck of the Year titles and a place in the Ducks in a Row club — distinguished company for a distinguished failure. At number ten, C Horton went lbw to - Hooper, his 2nd duck of the season and, remarkably, his 2nd career duck from only 3 innings — a rate of attrition that has already earned him the Duck of the Year 1949 board and, more strikingly still, the Runaway Duck honour for an entire season without troubling the scoreboard. 58th of 598 all time and rising fast — one suspects the club secretary is keeping a weather eye on him for the season's top honours. Last man in, H Newport, went lbw to T- Hendley's bowling for his 1st career duck in 5 innings, a modest addition that nonetheless places him 164th of 598 and, by virtue of standing membership, alongside the Retirement Duck club — a board reserved for those whose final innings closed on a duck, though nothing in today's proceedings suggests Newport is bound for the exit just yet. The Week in Brief A single fixture, four ducks, and the whole quartet falling to catches, bowled and leg-before dismissals without a run between them — a clean sweep for the bowlers and a testing afternoon for the eleven. No pairs and no family affairs to report this week, though with Horton and Buckoke both compiling their second duck of the season inside one innings apiece, the exclusive zero club shows no sign of admitting fewer members before autumn draws in. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - C Horton — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67% - Bert Buckoke — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.00% - P Clark — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.00% - John Thirkell — 12 innings, 2 ducks, 16.67% - - Gaskin — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.00% The eleven return to the field before long, and the Duck Club watches on with its usual solemn enthusiasm — for where there is a straight bat, there is always the chance of a duck's egg waiting patiently behind it. Until then, the club raises a glass to failure, gallantly borne.

A modest but not unremarkable weekend for the Eleven, in which the tail end of the innings against East Peckham & Nettlestead CC surrendered three wickets for three duck's eggs, each duly inscribed into the club's book of dubious distinction. 1st XI — v East Peckham & Nettlestead CC (home, 4th September) - P- Martin, sent in at number nine, contrived the rare and faintly comic feat of falling hit wicket b J Walker — undone, it would seem, by his own footwork rather than the bowler's craft. It was his maiden appearance in senior colours, his first duck of the season and his first for the club, which places him a respectable 200th of 597 upon the all-time list. Curiously, his name already appears upon the Retirement Duck honours board — a farewell yet to be explained, and best left for now a mystery for future historians of the club. He draws level with young Gaskin at one career duck apiece, his partner in adversity this same afternoon. - C Horton, promoted no higher than number ten, was taken c R Town b J Walker, again without troubling the scorers. It is his first duck of the season, his first in two innings for the club, and lifts him to 112th of 597 on the all-time list. It does his claim to Duck of the Year 1949 no harm whatsoever, and he is shaping into a strong contender for the Runaway Duck honour — a whole season without a run — should fortune not soon turn his way. He too finds himself level with Gaskin on career ducks, the newest recruit setting rather a brisk pace for them both. - Last man - Gaskin completed the rout, bowled by W Saunders, a duck's egg on his very first appearance for the club. It is his first duck of the season and vaults him straight to 91st of 597 on the all-time list, a starting position higher than most newcomers manage. He joins the shade of - Mill upon the honours board, whose own solitary duck stood unaccompanied since 1943 until being joined this very afternoon. With three wickets down for nothing added, the tail declined to wag at all, and the innings closed rather sooner than the Eleven would have wished. A single fixture accounted for the whole of this week's harvest of three — the second match of the period passed by, mercifully, without addition to the book. A modest tally by the club's own exacting standards, though Martin's manner of dismissal, out by his own hand rather than the bowler's, must be a strong candidate for the season's most inventive. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - P Clark — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.0% - John Thirkell — 11 innings, 2 ducks, 18.18% - - Gaskin — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - John Yeo — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - M- Hughes — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% The book remains open, and the Eleven takes the field again before long. Members are warmly invited to the next fixture, where no doubt further entries await the diligent scorer's pen.

At Hunton Wanderers on the Saturday, Richard Harris was given out lbw to J Ludden, his bat proving more ornamental than useful on the day. It stands as his fourth career duck in fifteen innings, the 28th most prolific nought getter in club history, and places him in the company of C Amies, who reached his own fourth duck for the Eleven somewhere between 1867 and 1870 — a span of some eighty years between kindred spirits of the blank scoresheet. The following afternoon at Folkestone, George Winter was bowled by Cecil Blacklocks for his second career duck in fifteen innings, 63rd on the all time roll. By curious coincidence, this very date in the year 1893 saw W W Tarrance suffer an identical fate against The Mote — the calendar, it seems, has a long memory for these things. Sunday's expedition to Town Malling was a positive festival of the duck's egg, four of the Eleven perishing without score in the same innings. E Simmons, promoted to number five, was caught by Chambers off John Blake for his maiden career duck, in only his second innings for the club, 135th on the all time list. Bob Arnold, in at seven, endured his very first innings in Eleven colours without scoring, taken by Don Wooden off Barnett — an inauspicious opening to a career, though he arrives already inscribed upon the honours boards for Ducks in a Row, for Only Two Quacks alongside Alan Wilkes, and for Quacking Together with John Thirkell, distinctions earned in other seasons and other company. Peter Weedon, at eight, fell identically to Simmons, his second career duck in nine innings and 79th on the all time list, a name long since entered upon the club's roll of Retirement Ducks from a farewell some seasons past. And P Clark, last man in, went lbw to Barnett, his second career duck in six innings and 77th on the all time list, and more pointedly his second duck of this season alone. All four of the Town Malling party, curiously, found themselves in the fellowship of E Cheeseman, who made an identical journey back to the pavilion on this very date in 1936. A week, then, in which the art of not scoring was pursued with real dedication — six ducks in three matches, four of them arriving together at Town Malling, rather like buses. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. P Clark — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.0% 2. John Thirkell — 9 innings, 2 ducks, 22.2% 3. Bob Arnold — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 4. John Yeo — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 5. M Hughes — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% The Eleven take the field again next week, and the Duck Club's chroniclers stand ready, pen in hand, for whatever fresh additions to the honours boards may follow.

A single wicket to report this week, but a full one nonetheless, from the away fixture at The Mote CC. 1st XI Opening the innings for Linton Park, Stan Wratten departed lbw to H Hawkins — a straight ball, a straighter appeal, and the umpire's finger raised before the shine had properly gone off it. It is his first duck's egg of the 1949 season, and the fourth of a career now numbering 42 innings, which sets him at 28th of 590 in the Club's exclusive zero register — level in tally, though scarcely in company, with such distinguished non-scorers as Charles Wycherley, Percy Brattle and Don Hartridge. Wratten remains besides a standing member of the "Quacking Together" honour, his name bound to John Ames's in the Club's ledger of shared misfortune, though Ames took no part in this particular proceeding. By a pleasing turn of the calendar, on this very day in 1903 one E Mitchell likewise made the long walk back for nought, against Leeds Castle CC's House Team — the sort of coincidence the Committee is delighted to minute. Week in Summary One match, one duck. The Mote CC's bowling proved a sticky proposition for the top order, and Linton Park's innings began, alas, at nought rather than in earnest. A quiet week for the zero club, but a week is not the season, and the season has been generous. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. John Thirkell — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.3% 2. John Yeo — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 3. M- Hughes — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 4. Bert Buckoke — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% 5. D Simmons — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% The wicket at The Mote is reported true and the covers, such as they are, well kept — so members due out next Saturday are warned that the art of not scoring remains very much alive, and the Committee awaits fresh entries to the ledger with its customary good humour.

A quiet week at the crease for most, but Tovil's visit to the ground yielded two entries for the minute book, both falling to the same length of ball from the same hand. The eleven takes the rough with the smooth, as ever. The First Eleven, versus Tovil (played at home) - D Simmons, sent in first wicket down, played on to J- Whitewood and returned for a duck's egg — his maiden nought of the season and but the second entry in a still-young ledger of two innings, placing him 124th of 590 in the club's long roll of the dismissed. A fellow traveller in misfortune presents himself from the past: on this very date in 1944, D Sells likewise strolled back for nought, against the National Fire Service Overseas Contingent — proof, if any were needed, that the art of not scoring respects no calendar. - Bert Buckoke, in at number nine, was smartly held by J- Jardine off the same relentless Whitewood, and walked back without troubling the scorers. It is his first duck of this campaign, but his sixth in a career now numbering five-and-thirty innings — a seasoned and well-respected member of the exclusive zero club, sitting a lofty 7th of 590 in the all-time table, and a name long since inscribed upon the Duck of the Year board for 1928. He too finds himself in step with old D Sells, whose 1944 duck fell on this identical August day. The week in brief One match, two ducks, and a single bowler — Whitewood — evidently in irresistible form, accounting for both departures at either end of the innings. A tidy little spell of destruction, and a reminder that the eleven's top and tail can be undone by the same ball on the same afternoon. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. John Thirkell — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40% 2. John Yeo — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 3. M- Hughes — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 4. Bert Buckoke — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% 5. D Simmons — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% The season's roll of dishonour stands ready to receive fresh names. Members are cordially reminded that the surest way onto this list is to take guard at all — the next fixture will doubtless furnish further candidates for the club's peculiar and cherished distinction.

A trying Saturday for the lower order down at Sharps Kreemy Works, where the zero club welcomed three new subscriptions in the space of a single innings. The 1st XI's tail did not so much wag as fall clean off. 1st XI — away to Sharps Kreemy Works, 6th August - P Clark (No. 8) departed caught Lamb, bowled Roche, without opening his account — not a golden duck, he had at least troubled the bowler before troubling the scorebook not at all. It is the 1st of the season for him and the 1st of his career in five innings, a debut of the least welcome kind, placing him 192nd of 589 in the club's long ledger of noughts. He now keeps company with a wide and distinguished field sitting on exactly one career duck apiece, among them the estimable - Mill of 1943, whose solitary innings and solitary duck have stood unchallenged for six years. - M- Hughes (No. 9), turning out for the very first time, marked his arrival in the most traditional fashion — caught Gray, bowled Knell, for nought. A plucky start to a career it was not, though he too avoided the golden duck's particular disgrace, having faced enough of an over to be dismissed rather than simply removed. First innings, first duck, and straight in at 184th of 589 on the all-time list — a debut the club will remember rather more fondly than the player will. Like Clark before him this same afternoon, he joins the modest fraternity of one-career-duck men alongside - Mill of 1943. - M- Harden (No. 10), last man in, went the same way as his colleagues — caught Hayman, bowled Roche, for a duck's egg of his own. His second career innings and his first career duck, which lands him 183rd of 589, a whisker ahead of young Hughes on the ignominious table. He, too, finds himself level with - Mill on a single career duck, making it three of the eleven drawing that particular comparison in one unhappy afternoon. The week in summary Two fixtures were played over the weekend, and it was the Saturday trip to Sharps Kreemy Works alone that yielded the club's harvest — three ducks in the space of three wickets, numbers eight, nine and ten falling in short order as the innings ran out of partners rather more than it ran out of overs. Sunday's fixture, by contrast, passed without a single addition to the register, for which small mercy the committee is grateful. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. John Thirkell — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.0% 2. John Yeo — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% 3. M- Hughes — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% 4. M- Harden — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50.0% 5. P Clark — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.3% The committee looks forward, with its usual mixture of dread and delight, to the next fixture, when the eleven will doubtless offer up fresh candidates for this most exclusive of clubs. Play straight, gentlemen — or don't, and join the register.

A single fixture at Bowaters CC, and the ledger records but one entry — modest in number, yet not without its own quiet distinction. 🏏 1st XI John Thirkell, going in at four, played on to Roy Melhuish and trudged back for nought — the second duck's egg of his season, and the second of his career in nine trips to the middle. He now stands 71st of 584 in the club's long and honourable roll, and finds himself in decidedly grand company: Frank Sutton, the club's most prolific collector of noughts (14 in all, and twice crowned Duck of the Year), made his own duck on this very date back in 1941, also against a Royal Army Service Corps eleven. A curious echo down the years — the wicket may change, the calendar does not. Thirkell also settles alongside a long list of gentlemen sitting on exactly two career ducks, a modest but respectable band stretching back to the 1860s. Notably, he already holds a seat on the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck honours boards, and shares his Quacking Together distinction with both Bob Arnold and William Buck — a man, it seems, who collects company as readily as he collects noughts. 📋 Week in Summary One match, one duck — the eleven kept its embarrassments to a minimum this week, with only Thirkell required to make the long walk. No pairs, no family affairs, no king ducks to proclaim from the pavilion steps. A quiet week for the Zero Club, but the season is young yet and Bowaters CC will not always bowl so kindly. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - John Thirkell — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - John Yeo — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - T- Jarrett — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% Thirkell and Yeo lead a perfect, if unwanted, hundred per cent — the art of not scoring practised to its fullest expression. Until next the willow is taken up, the Duck Club stands ready to welcome fresh members into its exclusive and dubious fold. May the coming fixtures bowl a straighter line and find the tail wagging rather more fruitfully — though we shan't complain if they don't. 0️⃣🍩

🦆 A quiet week down at Linton Park, but the exclusive zero club never rests entirely, and one gentleman of the 1st XI has been welcomed back through its doors with the usual solemn ceremony. 1st XI Away at Kemsley, John Thirkell came to the crease at first wicket down, played what one hopes was a straight bat to at least one delivery, and was bowled by A Melhuish for his egg. Not a golden duck, mind — he survived a ball or two before the willow betrayed him, which by the standards of this club counts as a plucky knock through the front door of ignominy. It is his 1st duck of the season and the 1st of a career now standing at eight innings, placing him 172nd of 583 in the club's long and honourable roll of failure. He arrives in good and populous company at that tally, drawing level on career ducks with a positive parade of forebears — Messrs Barker, Leatham, Eltham, Oyler and their fellows, some of them dating back to the 1880s, all sitting on exactly one duck apiece. And by a pleasing quirk of the calendar, this very day in 1902 saw Tom Peach Jnr make his own duck against Town Malling CC, in the same season he was crowned Duck of the Year — a coincidence of dates the committee notes with due ceremony, if no great surprise, since the art of not scoring has never troubled itself with the passage of decades. Mr Thirkell, it might be added, already holds his place among the club's road-and-home statistics and in a pair of "Quacking Together" partnerships with Bob Arnold and William Buck — standing honours from seasons past, and no reflection on Saturday's particular misfortune. The Week in Brief One match, one duck — a modest offering by the club's usual appetite, but a duck's egg is a duck's egg, and the ledger must be kept regardless of season. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - John Thirkell — 1 innings, 1 duck — 100% - John Yeo — 1 innings, 1 duck — 100% - T- Jarrett — 2 innings, 1 duck — 50% The eleven return to the field next weekend, and with them, no doubt, fresh candidates for the honours board. The committee awaits developments with its usual mixture of dread and delight.

A quiet week for the Egg, but not an empty one — the 1st XI's expedition to Herne Bay CC yielded two fresh additions to the exclusive zero club, both from deep in the order, the tail on this occasion finding rather less to wag about than the top might have hoped. 1st XI — away to Herne Bay CC At number nine came John Yeo, and in what stands as his maiden innings for the club he was undone lbw by J Baker without ever troubling the scorers. A debut duck is a baptism of a particular sort — the club welcomes him this day to the book proper, his very first entry being a duck's egg, and he takes his place at 172 of 579 in the all-time roll of the dismissed. Curiously, on this very date back in 1898, one C S Smith also returned for nought, against Sutton Valence School — the fourth of June, it seems, has long had a fondness for these occasions. Two down at number eleven came T- Jarrett, bowled by Gv Gethin for his second career duck in five innings — a rather more seasoned member of the club now, and sitting handsomely at 82 of 579 on the all-time list. Like his colleague, he finds himself keeping company with the fourth of June's quiet tradition, C S Smith having made his own duck against Sutton Valence School on this same date in 1898 — proof that some anniversaries are best not marked with the bat. The week in brief One match, two ducks, both surrendered from the bottom of the Herne Bay order — a modest tally by the club's own high standards, though the committee notes with quiet satisfaction that consistency of a very particular kind remains undiminished. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. John Yeo — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 2. T- Jarrett — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Early days yet in the 1949 season, the pair locked together at the summit — a contest worth watching for anyone with a taste for the art of not scoring. The eleven takes the field again before long, and the committee awaits the next contribution to the book with its customary patience. Should any batsman fancy adding his name to the roll, Herne Bay CC has already shown the way.