🦆 The Duck Pond

A quiet one, quackers. One solitary fixture took to the field this weekend and, remarkably, every single Linton bat found something more useful to do than nick off for nought. Eleven players in, eleven players surviving the indignity — the exclusive zero club held no induction ceremony this week. 🏏 The Match No ducks recorded. Not a sniff, not a golden nought, not so much as a nervous single turned into an LBW shout. Whatever demons usually stalk the Linton top order clearly had the weekend off — possibly attending a rival club's fixture instead, the ungrateful things. It happens. Even a club with this proud a tradition of not troubling the scorer has the occasional off-week for its off-form. Consider it a well-earned rest for the honours board, which can get back to accumulating names again next time out. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — 1974 The chase for Duck of the Year rages on regardless, and this lot are doing sterling work to keep the tradition alive even while the rest of the club behaved itself: - Alan Cradduck — 7 ducks in 17 innings (41.18%) — comfortably out in front, and setting a pace of ignominy that will take some catching - Tony Gauna — 5 ducks in 14 innings (35.71%) — the closest challenger, one bad afternoon from levelling matters - Benny Bell — 5 ducks in 15 innings (33.33%) — quietly keeping pace in the shadows - Allan Cooper — 5 ducks in 16 innings (31.25%) — level on ducks, trailing on rate, still very much in the hunt - Colin Dicker — 5 ducks in 17 innings (29.41%) — rounding out a top five that between them have turned "the art of not scoring" into something approaching a science With five men level on five-or-more ducks apiece, this season's title race is shaping up to be a proper scrap for the wooden spoon. Cradduck holds the whip hand for now, but a club that can produce a blank weekend like this one is more than capable of a sudden late flurry from anyone on that list. 📅 Next Time Out Normal service — or rather, abnormal service — will surely resume before long. The ducks evaded capture this week, but they're out there somewhere, and Linton's top order has never been one to disappoint for long. See you at the crease. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A rare and troubling dispatch from HQ this week: two matches played across the weekend, and not a single duck to show for it. The exclusive zero club held its breath, its doors, and its ceremonial gavel — all in vain. Somewhere out there, elevens' worth of batsmen contrived to actually trouble the scorers. 🏏 The Weekend That Wasn't Both fixtures came and went without so much as a nervous single-ball nick. Eleven-a-side, twice over, and the art of not scoring went entirely unpractised. Whether this is a triumph of technique or simply a conspiracy of good fortune, the committee cannot say — but the honours board gathers no new names this week, and the Duck of the Year race stands exactly where it stood on Friday. Frankly, it's the kind of weekend that makes a duck-hunter nervous. When the ducks go quiet, they're usually plotting something for next week. 📊 Week in Summary - Matches played: 2 - Ducks recorded: 0 - New Duck Club members: none - Pairs, king pairs, or family ducks: mercifully, or perhaps disappointingly, none A blank weekend it may be, but the season's serial offenders remain firmly in credit, so let's turn to them. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Alan Cradduck — 7 ducks from 17 innings (41.18%) 2. Tony Gauna — 5 ducks from 14 innings (35.71%) 3. Benny Bell — 5 ducks from 15 innings (33.33%) 4. Allan Cooper — 5 ducks from 16 innings (31.25%) 5. Colin Dicker — 5 ducks from 17 innings (29.41%) Alan Cradduck sits imperiously atop the pile with a duck rate the rest of the top five can only admire from a respectful distance — over four ducks in every ten trips to the crease is a consistency of a very particular kind, and 1974's crown is very much his to lose. 📅 Looking Ahead Rest assured, the ducks are merely regrouping. No club can maintain a clean sheet forever, and with the season's front-runners still very much active, next weekend offers every opportunity for the honours board to fill up again. Get your bats out, gentlemen — or rather, don't, and we'll see you in the report. 🦆 0️⃣

A quiet one by Duck Club standards, but never let it be said Linton let a Saturday pass without at least one soul making the long walk back for nought. 🏏 1st XI at Whitstable CC Mike Iliffe, in at five, fell to a smart take by Tom Robertson off the bowling of S- Tritton. It's duck number 2 of the season for Mike, and more weightily his 30th in senior colours from 194 innings — good enough for 10th in the all-time standings, a lofty perch for a man whose speciality is emphatically not troubling the scorer. Fittingly, on this very day in 1952, club great John Thirkell also strolled back for nought, against A Levick XI — just one entry in an eventual haul of 82, still the club record and the reason his name fills half the honours board, including five Duck of the Year titles. Mike keeps distinguished historical company. 📅 The Week in Brief One match, one duck — slim pickings for the hunting season this week. Quality over quantity, as they don't say in this club. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 - Alan Cradduck — 7 ducks in 16 innings (44%) - Tony Gauna — 5 in 14 (36%) - Benny Bell — 5 in 15 (33%) - Allan Cooper — 5 in 16 (31%) - Colin Dicker — 5 in 17 (29%) Cradduck sits well clear at the top of the table — the chasing pack have work to do before season's end. The ducks will return, they always do. See you at the next fixture 🦆🏏0️⃣

Four matches, six noughts, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its latest arrivals. The art of not scoring was alive and well this week. 1st XI — Saturday 24 August, v St Lukes Maidstone CC (h) - Benny Bell, in at 3, was lbw to M. Beckwith for his 5th duck of the season and 29th of a career now 122 innings deep — good enough for 11th on the all-time list. On this very day in 1968, Gordon Fenner (1941–1973, 34 ducks, 7th all-time) was doing precisely the same thing against Aylesford Paper Mills CC. Some traditions never die. - Alan Cradduck went one worse at 10, bowled by the same M. Beckwith, for his 7th duck of the season and 22nd of his career — 20th all-time, and that's five in a row now on the honours board. With Duck of the Year 1974 already to his name, the pace is unmistakably his to lose. History, with a wink, pairs him today with clubmate Benny Bell, who made his own duck on this same 24 August back in 1968. 1st XI — Sunday 25 August, v Mersham Hatch (a) - Nigel Thirkell fell for nought at 2, bowled by B. Campbell — his 5th season duck, 17th career, 28th all-time. A Homebody and Tourist Duck top-tenner, he ducks in distinguished family company: father John sits alone atop the entire club's all-time list on 82, brother Tim carries 21 of his own. - Jim Hall departed at 8, bowled by F.H. Ames, for his 4th of the season and 14th career, sharing the innings with long-time 'Only Two Quacks' partner Nigel Thirkell — the old pairing freshly renewed. Both men also share today's parallel: on this day in 1904, T. Woollett made a duck too, in his one and only season. But Wednesday, unbeknown to Jim, had more in store. Midweek XI — Wednesday 28 August, v Gravesend CC (h) - Roland Parr, at 8, was bowled by Mukul Lall for a maiden season and career duck, 382nd on the all-time roll — welcome to the club. On this day in 1893, W.W. Tarrance was serving his own apprenticeship in the art, against The Mote CC. - And Jim Hall was back at it, run out at 10 for a second duck of the week — a proper pair, Saturday's Mersham Hatch nought followed by this Gravesend effort, taking him to 5 season ducks and 15 career, still 32nd all-time. A Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top-tenner, and Duck of the Year back in 1970, Jim proves twice in five days is exactly the sort of consistency this club was founded to celebrate. Week in summary Six ducks from four matches, and Jim Hall doing the work of two men to make sure of it. The 1st XI supplied four of the six — Saturday and Sunday both had teeth this time of year. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Alan Cradduck — 16 inns, 7 ducks (43.75%) 2. Tony Gauna — 14 inns, 5 ducks (35.71%) 3. Benny Bell — 15 inns, 5 ducks (33.33%) 4. Allan Cooper — 16 inns, 5 ducks (31.25%) 5. Colin Dicker — 17 inns, 5 ducks (29.41%) Next fixture, next opportunity. The zero club never closes its books — see you at the crease. 🦆0️⃣

Saturday 17th, Bobbing Court CC The 1st XI contributed three names to the ledger in one innings — a proper cluster of quacking, two of whom share the honour of doing it together. Alan Cradduck fell lbw to Roger Mills at nine, his 6th duck of the summer and 21st for the club, 22nd on the all-time list from 76 innings. A five-in-a-row veteran and paid-up Debutante Duck, he's the man to beat for Duck of the Year 1974 — and sits top of this week's leaderboard too. On this very day in 1969, Percy Brattle (1934–1973, 16 ducks) also made a duck, against Mote A — kindred spirits across the decades. Ian Brattle followed at ten, bowled by Mills, his first duck of the season and 2nd of his career from just 5 innings, 178th on the all-time list. He's a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his own long-ago first duck, and seven deep into a personal Ducks in a Row run. A chip off the old block too — sibling Paul Brattle carries 15 career noughts of his own. Percy Brattle's 1969 duck against Mote A keeps him kindred company on this date. Closing the innings at eleven, Ron Hickman was caught behind by Richard Witts off Mills, his 3rd duck of the season and 25th career, 14th all-time from 56 innings — sharing Quacking Together honours with Cradduck above, freshly reaffirmed in this very match. Parent-child fellow collector Phil Hickman (2 career ducks) watches on with pride. Percy Brattle, 1969, obliges again as this day's echo. Wednesday 21st, away at Gravesend CC (Midweek XI) Openers Jim Hall and Ron Hickman went in first and third respectively, both bowled by D Azall. Jim Hall's 3rd duck of the season took him to 13 career, 38th all-time from 85 innings — agonisingly one position shy of the Full House board, and a fixture of the Ducks on the Road and Lone Duck top tens. On this day in 1955, John Ames also fell for nought, against Halfway House. Ron Hickman, though, completed the story of his week: a second duck either side of the weekend, a grim pair, moving him to 4 for the season and 26 career, still 14th all-time. John Ames' 1955 duck keeps him company on the calendar once more. 📊 Week in Summary Five ducks across two matches — Bobbing Court did the early damage with three in a single innings, and Ron Hickman had the unwanted distinction of doing it twice, bookending the week with a pair. 🦆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Alan Cradduck — 14 inns, 6 ducks (43%) 2. Tony Gauna — 12 inns, 5 ducks (42%) 3. Colin Dicker — 14 inns, 5 ducks (36%) 4. Allan Cooper — 16 inns, 5 ducks (31%) 5. Ron Hickman — 6 inns, 4 ducks (67%) Ron Hickman now boasts the sharpest strike rate for nought in the top five — a dubious crown indeed. See you at the next fixture, when the ledger surely grows again. 🏏0️⃣

Two matches on the fixture list this week, but the ducks kept a low profile — only one found its way into the book. Quality over quantity, as they say in the exclusive zero club. 1st XI v Sibton Park CC (11 August, home) - Jon Harris walked out at five and was bowled by C. Wood, departing scoreless — his 4th duck of the season and 22nd of an illustrious LPCC career (119 innings), holding steady at 21st in the all-time standings of 908. Jon is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having ducked on his very first LPCC innings many moons ago, and his honours cabinet has swelled considerably since — a Full House (a duck at every position from 1 to 11, a completionist's curse if ever there was one), plus top-10 residencies in both the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck charts, and a bit of a globetrotter too courtesy of his Tourist Duck and Ducks on the Road top-10 places. He's Only Two Quacks with Allan Cooper, and keeps Quacking Together with both Jim Hall and Trevor Back — clearly a man who prefers company in his misery. And speaking of company: on this very day back in 1973, Nigel Thirkell (1969–1974) also trudged back for nought against Headcorn CC, one of 16 career ducks that still see him perched at 30th all-time. Some anniversaries are best not celebrated. Jon's family file shows a chip off the old block too — relative Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own, so a taste for the number clearly runs in the blood. Elsewhere The period's other fixture passed off entirely duck-free — all eleven got off the mark, spoiling the sport for the rest of us. The Week in Numbers Just the one duck 0️⃣ across two matches — a rare quiet spell for the club's least-wanted honour. The season race, however, rumbles on regardless. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🥇 1. Tony Gauna — 5 ducks in 12 innings (41.67%) 2. Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks in 13 innings (38.46%) 3. Colin Dicker — 5 ducks in 14 innings (35.71%) 4. Allan Cooper — 5 ducks in 16 innings (31.25%) 5. Benny Bell — 4 ducks in 13 innings (30.77%) Gauna leads the Duck of the Year chase by the finest of margins, with Cradduck and Dicker snapping at his heels — a proper scrap for the crown shaping up. Next fixture looms. Bring your bat, or don't bother — the Duck Club will be watching either way. 🦆🏏

A quieter week in the Duck Hunting calendar, but quality over quantity — two matches, three ducks, and the honours boards took their usual battering regardless. 🏏 1st XI — Bidborough CC (Sat 3 Aug) Benny Bell departed for nought at number five, bowled by J- Kerby. It's his 4th duck of the season and 28th of an increasingly distinguished career — good enough for 12th on the all-time chart of 905, and 5th in this very season's standings, as the leaderboard below confirms. On this exact day back in 1952, Gordon Fenner was doing the same, one stop on the way to a career 34 and a permanent #7 all-time. 🌙 Midweek XI — Sennocke CC (Wed 7 Aug) A brace at Sennocke. Steve Gower, caught Scragg bowled Stock at first drop, opened his season's account with career duck number 2 from just 12 innings — a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having ducked on his very first Linton outing some knocks ago. On this day in 1909, C Stevens made his own duck against the Royal West Kent Regiment, in a career so brief it lasted one season and still bagged him that year's Duck of the Year. Jon Harris followed him back, caught Taylor bowled Fordham, for his 3rd duck of the season and 21st of a heavily decorated career — 21st on the all-time list. Jon's cabinet is groaning under the weight of honours: Full House (a duck at every position, 1 through 11), top-ten spots in Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck, plus shared quacking with Allan Cooper, Jim Hall and Trevor Back. It rather runs in the family too — kin Richard Harris carries 36 career noughts of his own. Jon shares the same on-this-day company as Steve: C Stevens' lone 1909 blob. 📊 Week in summary Three ducks from two matches — one at Bidborough, two at Sennocke on the same unforgiving Wednesday. Modest numbers, but Benny, Steve and Jon all edge their respective ladders upward regardless. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks, 12 innings (41.67%) - Tony Gauna — 5 ducks, 12 innings (41.67%) - Colin Dicker — 5 ducks, 14 innings (35.71%) - Allan Cooper — 5 ducks, 16 innings (31.25%) - Benny Bell — 4 ducks, 13 innings (30.77%) Cradduck and Gauna locked together at the summit, with Bell now breathing down the leading pack's necks after Saturday's effort. Plenty of season left to shuffle this table yet. 🍩 The next fixture is never far away, and neither is the next duck. See you at the crease — or, statistically speaking, shortly after it. 🦆

A quiet spell by recent standards, but the 1st XI still found four ways to make nought interesting across two fixtures. On to the honours board. 1st XI Saturday's trip to Sibton Park CC opened the innings and closed it just as fast for the top order. Paul Brattle, bowled by T- Sutthery, chalked up his 4th duck of the season and 15th of a fine career now spanning 117 innings — a career tally that lands him 33rd of 903 all time, level with John --'s Taylor, who managed the same 15 across a rather more sedate 143 innings between 1949 and 1960. A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from way back, Paul's family are evidently no strangers to the art of not scoring, with parent Frank sitting on 38 career ducks and sibling Percy on 16 — the nought clearly runs in the blood. Moments later Gordon Dent followed him back, bowled by Colin Clarke for his 2nd duck of the campaign and 3rd of a still-young career — 124th of 903 on the all-time list, and in decidedly mixed company there, rubbing shoulders with everyone from Victorian stalwart A Kent (Duck of the Year 1893, no less) to more recent names like David T Lowen. On this very day back in 1952, Basil Sears was doing exactly the same thing against Folkestone CC, en route to a career 33 ducks and 8th spot in the pantheon. Monday's home fixture against The Mote CC then delivered a middle-order double, both men undone by the same bowler in the same spell. Nigel Thirkell, bowled by Trevor Teer, took his season tally to a chunky 4 and his career figure to 16 — 30th of 903 all time, level with fellow name-on-the-board Percy Brattle (Duck of the Year 1969 no less). Nigel already holds down places in the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, plus an "Only Two Quacks" pairing with Jim Hall, and comes from proper duck stock — brother Tim on 21, father John a startling 82 career ducks, the current club record holder. On this day in 1957 D- Jordan was similarly dismissed against Folkestone CC. And straight after him, Dick Langridge fell the same way for his 1st duck of the season, but a hefty 24th of his career — good enough for 17th of 903 all time, level with Cliff Anscombe (Duck of the Year 1957), Richard Ashby and Ron Hickman. Dick's son Barry already carries 6 career ducks of his own, so the honours board may yet see another Langridge entry. Like Nigel, Dick shares his on-this-day parallel with D- Jordan's 1957 effort against Folkestone. Week in Summary Three matches, four ducks, and a Mote CC pairing that proves bowlers occasionally get two for the price of one. No pairs, no king pairs, no family doubles this time round — just steady, honest additions to some already substantial career tallies. Quality over quantity. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks, 12 innings (41.67%) 2. Tony Gauna — 5 ducks, 12 innings (41.67%) 3. Colin Dicker — 5 ducks, 13 innings (38.46%) 4. Allan Cooper — 5 ducks, 15 innings (33.33%) 5. Nigel Thirkell — 4 ducks, 27 innings (14.81%) Four names locked at the top and Nigel breathing down their necks after this week's contribution. The next fixture awaits — who fancies joining the exclusive zero club? 🦆🏏0️⃣

A leaner week for the Duck Club as the harvest thins to just two additions from three fixtures — but what the week lacked in volume it made up for in contrast, pairing the club's most decorated name in the annals of ignominy with one still finding his feet in the exclusive zero club. 🏏 1st XI — Sevenoaks Vine CC (away), Saturday 21st July Batting at five, John Thirkell fell bowled David Stevens for his first duck of the summer. Unremarkable on its own, except that his 82nd career duck — from a mighty 736 innings — keeps him exactly where he has sat for some time: 1st of 902 in the club's all-time standings. A five-time Duck of the Year (1952, 1954, 1955, 1967 and 1971), a fixture of both the Ducks on the Road and Homebody Duck top tens, and a paid-up member of the Lone Duck elite, Thirkell remains the undisputed monarch of the art of not scoring, at home or away, it seems to make no difference. Fittingly, the family trade continues — fellow Duck Club members Tim Thirkell (21 career ducks) and Nigel Thirkell (15) carry the torch onward. On this day in 1957, John Waters also strolled back for nought against John Larking's XI, a fitting echo across seventeen years. 🌙 Midweek XI — v West Wirral (home), Tuesday 23rd July Batting at eight, Mick Brown departed bowled P- Deeks without troubling the scorers. It is only his second senior innings for the club, and his first duck, so the honours board must wait — for now he sits a modest 350th of 902, a career very much in its infancy. Neat symmetry with history, though: on this very day in 1960, Brian Relf — later a 25-duck man and Debutante Duck club member in his own right — also fell for nought, against Tovil. 📋 Week in Summary Three matches, two ducks — a rare quiet spell by Linton Park standards. Fitting that the week's sole representatives spanned the entire spectrum of the Duck Club: number 1 of 902 shaking hands, metaphorically, with number 350. Consistency, as ever, comes in many forms. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season 1974 — Leaderboard 1. Colin Dicker — 5 ducks in 11 innings (45.45%) 2. Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks in 12 innings (41.67%) 3. Tony Gauna — 5 ducks in 12 innings (41.67%) 4. Allan Cooper — 5 ducks in 14 innings (35.71%) 5. Paul Croucher — 3 ducks in 6 innings (50.0%) Croucher's rate remains the one to watch, though the top four keep the race for Duck of the Year 1974 firmly alive. The season presses on, and with it the certainty that somewhere, on some green, another naught awaits its moment. 🍩 See you all next match — the ducks are never far away. 0️⃣🦆

Only one candle on the cake this week, but it was struck by a man with genuine pedigree in these parts. 🏏 1st XI vs Sennocke CC (h) Jon Harris strolled out at number 7 and departed for nought, caught by Roger Selleck off the bowling of Dovy. Nothing new for Jon — this is his 2nd duck of the 1974 season and his 20th career duck in an innings tally now standing at 111, keeping him a comfortable 24th of 902 in Linton's all-time table of shame. Jon is, naturally, a name well known to the honours boards. A Full House man — a duck at every position, 1 through 11, the completionist's curse — and a permanent fixture in the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, plus Ducks on the Road for good measure. His very first LPCC innings, long consigned to history, was itself a duck — a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from way back. Elsewhere on the family tree, kinsman Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own — clearly runs in the blood. A neat footnote for the archives: on this very day back in 1956, A Hughes also trudged off for nought, against A.Trembeths — some things about mid-July never change. 📊 Week in Summary One match, one duck — proof that even the seasoned campaigners get got now and then. Linton's relationship with the number 0 remains as steady as ever. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — 1974 - Colin Dicker — 5 ducks in 10 innings (50%) - Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks in 12 innings (41.67%) - Tony Gauna — 5 ducks in 12 innings (41.67%) - Allan Cooper — 5 ducks in 13 innings (38.46%) - Paul Croucher — 3 ducks in 6 innings (50%) Four names locked together on 5 apiece — the season's still young enough for someone to break clear, or for the whole pack to be swallowed up from behind. 🍩 Roll on the next fixture, and with it, the next candidate for the board. See you all out there. 🦆🏏

Four ducks fell across three matches this week, and Westerham CC did rather more than their fair share of the damage. Saturday 6th — 1st XI v Medway Valley Nigel Thirkell opened the week's account, caught D. Crosby bowled M. Barker for his 2nd duck of the season and 14th of his career — rank 32 of 902 in the all-time table. Nigel is a curious case, sitting in both the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and a paid-up member of the "Only Two Quacks" club alongside Jim Hall — proof he can be relied upon to fail with a nought whether he's home or away. The Thirkell name barely needs introducing to the honours board either — relative John carries 81 career ducks, sibling Tim has 21, and family member Stuart chips in with 1. On this very day in 1968, Paul Bowles (1965–1974, 25 ducks, twice Duck of the Year) also strolled back for nought, against Charles Arkcoll. Wednesday 10th — Midweek XI v Westerham CC Westerham proved a happy hunting ground for the Duck Club, with three noughts recorded in the very same innings. Nigel Thirkell returned just four days after his first, lbw M. Hill, his 3rd duck of the season and 15th career duck — enough to complete a proper pair for the week, Medway Valley then Westerham, back-to-back blanks. Newcomer B- Bowers marked his very first senior innings by going straight onto the Debutante Duck honours board, caught Simmons bowled M. Dunn — duck number one of a career that begins, fittingly, at zero. And Phil Hickman completed the rout, bowled by the same M. Dunn — a tidy brace for the bowler — his 2nd duck of the season and of his career alike, from just 6 innings. The Hickman name already has form on the board: a relative, Ron Hickman, carries 24 career ducks of his own. Remarkably, all three Westerham victims share their moment in history: on this very day in 1954, Robert Muir (1950–1954, 3 career ducks) also departed for nought, against A. Trembeths — a name who also holds a place among the club's Retirement Duck alumni. 📊 Week in Summary 4 ducks, 3 matches, and Westerham CC can consider themselves the week's most prolific duck farmers, conceding three in a single innings. Nigel Thirkell's return inside four days is consistency of a very particular kind — the true art of not scoring. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Colin Dicker — 5 ducks / 10 innings (50%) 2. Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks / 12 innings (41.7%) 3. Allan Cooper — 5 ducks / 12 innings (41.7%) 4. Tony Gauna — 5 ducks / 12 innings (41.7%) 5. Paul Croucher — 3 ducks / 6 innings (50%) None of this week's fallen troubled the leaderboard — yet. Roll up next weekend, when the season's chase for zero continues and someone else will surely offer themselves to the exclusive zero club. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three fixtures, three full scorecards, and not a single nought to show for it. The ducks well and truly evaded capture this week — every batsman across the club got off the mark, which for regular readers of this column is roughly the cricketing equivalent of a solar eclipse. Somewhere out there, the Duck Club's most reliable contributors are quietly seething. A weekend without a single addition to the honours board is, frankly, an insult to the art of not scoring. We can only assume the bowlers were off their game, or that the usual suspects were exercising an uncharacteristic degree of competence at the crease. Rest assured, normal service is expected to resume shortly. The ducks are not extinct, merely resting. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - 🥇 Colin Dicker — 5 ducks from 10 innings (50%) — a batsman who treats the crease as optional - 🥈 Alan Cradduck — 5 ducks from 12 innings (41.67%) — surely destiny had a hand in that surname - 🥈 Allan Cooper — 5 ducks from 12 innings (41.67%) — level on merit, if merit is the word - 🥈 Tony Gauna — 5 ducks from 12 innings (41.67%) — three-way tie for the runners-up spot, poultry solidarity in full effect - 5️⃣ Paul Croucher — 3 ducks from 6 innings (50%) — fewer innings, identical percentage, an efficient route to ignominy With Dicker, Cradduck, Cooper and Gauna all locked together mid-table, the race for Duck of the Year 1974 remains very much alive — it will only take one more soft dismissal to break the deadlock. 🍩 See you at the next fixture, where somebody is bound to put that right.

A vintage weekend for the exclusive zero club: three fixtures, ten ducks, and three members collecting matching pairs before Monday was out. The art of not scoring was alive and well at Linton Park. Saturday 22 June — v Hythe CC (Home) Three ducks fell here, two of them off the very same over. Benny Bell got the ball rolling, caught behind for his 2nd of the season and 26th of a storied career — 13th on the all-time list of 900. Then Alan Cradduck (bowled) and Ron Hickman (bowled), batting eight and eleven, both departed to the same bowler in the same innings, dutifully honouring their shared "Quacking Together" entry on the honours board. Cradduck's was his 4th of the season and 19th career, extending his current Ducks in a Row and keeping him firmly in the hunt for Duck of the Year 1974. Hickman moved to 24 career ducks, a paid-up Runaway Duck (1965) alumnus, and — a nice touch — shares the club with kinsman Phil Hickman, a fellow member of the zero fraternity. Fittingly, on this very day in 1935 Percy Brattle also strolled back for nought against Bearsted CC — the club has form for June the 22nd. Sunday 23 June — v Dimanchians CC (Home) Four more added to the tally. Andrew Moss opened and closed quickly, caught for his 1st duck of the season and 9th career, a Retirement Duck board member from a past farewell. Allan Cooper (caught) notched his 4th of the season and 10th career, one of the club's serial "Only Two Quacks" partners. Colin Dicker fell lbw for his 5th of the season and 13th career, a former Duck of the Year in 1973. And Paul Croucher, caught for his 3rd of the season and 5th career, is another long-standing Retirement Duck alumnus. Curiously, on this same date in 1968 Mike Iliffe also made a duck — history repeating itself on the calendar, if not on the scoreboard. Monday 24 June — v Aylesford Paper Mills CC (Away) The pairs came home to roost. Allan Cooper doubled up with his 5th of the season and 11th career — a grim pair for the weekend. Benny Bell followed suit, his 3rd of the season and 27th career, also completing a pair. And Alan Cradduck rounded things off with his 5th of the season and 20th career, his own pair secured and the Ducks in a Row still ticking over nicely. On this day in 1973, Paul Bowles made his own duck against Dimanchians — good company for this trio. The week in numbers 10 ducks across 3 matches — a proper cluster. Three players (Bell, Cradduck, Cooper) managed pairs without troubling the king pair club, and Cradduck/Hickman shared the honour of falling together twice in one afternoon. Consistency of a very particular kind. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Alan Cradduck — 10 innings, 5 ducks (50%) - Colin Dicker — 10 innings, 5 ducks (50%) - Allan Cooper — 11 innings, 5 ducks (45.45%) - Tony Gauna — 12 innings, 5 ducks (41.67%) - Paul Croucher — 6 innings, 3 ducks (50%) Triumph through adversity continues apace. The next fixture awaits — who fancies joining the club this time? 🦆🏏0️⃣

Four matches out on the paddock this week and the zero club, uncharacteristically, kept its numbers thin — just the one soul volunteered for the exclusive circle of nought. Quality over quantity, apparently. 1st XI Away at Bobbing Court CC, Colin Dicker walked out at number nine and departed rather more quickly than he arrived, bowled by Paul Bedelle without troubling the scorer. It's his 4th duck of the campaign and the 12th of a career now running to 26 innings — good enough for 38th on the all-time roll of 900, and a tidy follow-up from last year's Duck of the Year 1973, clearly not one to rest on past laurels. Spookily, on this very day back in 1970, Cliff Anscombe was doing much the same thing against Ozonair. Anscombe (1957–1974) went on to rack up 24 career ducks — 16th all time — a Debutante Duck alumnus and Duck of the Year 1957 in his own right. The calendar, it seems, has a long memory for these things. Week in Summary One duck from four fixtures — a rare spell of restraint from the batting order, though Colin Dicker did his patriotic duty to keep the tradition alive. Whether this is a blip or the whole club quietly improving remains to be seen. We live in hope it's the former. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Tony Gauna — 5 ducks / 10 innings (50%) 2. Colin Dicker — 4 ducks / 8 innings (50%) 3. Alan Cradduck — 3 ducks / 8 innings (37.5%) 4. Allan Cooper — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) 5. Paul Brattle — 3 ducks / 19 innings (15.79%) Dicker sits just one nought behind Gauna at the top, and on identical strike rate — the race for the 1974 crown is very much alive. Next weekend's fixtures await. The zero club never sleeps, and neither should your guard when you're walking out at number nine. See you out there 🦆🍩

Three fixtures, seven ducks, and high summer at Linton Park brings out the club's finest tradition — the art of not scoring. The exclusive zero club welcomes fresh (and returning) blood this week. 🏏 1st XI — a busy few days Saturday 8th, v Rumwood CC (home) John Ames opened the innings and the misery alike, caught Sam Simmonds bowled R Holbrook for nought — his first duck of the season, but a 46th career duck that sits him a mighty 3rd on the all-time list from 374 innings. Proper Duck Club royalty, and a "Ducks in a Row" and "Homebody Duck" board member to boot. On this very date in 1970, Ron Hickman also departed for nought against Boughton Monchelsea CC — the 8th of June has form. Alan Cradduck followed, caught Keith Filmer bowled Sam Simmonds — his 3rd of the season, 18th of a career already carrying "Ducks in a Row (5 consecutive)" and, fittingly given the year, the Duck of the Year 1974 crown. Same date, same Hickman echo from 1970. Completing the Rumwood rout, Tony Gauna fell caught John Pearson bowled Sam Simmonds — his 4th of the season, 9th career. He wasn't done yet. Sunday 9th, v Sheldwich CC (away) Paul Brattle, opening again, was lbw to Tim George for nought — 3rd of the season, 14th career from 104 innings, good for 34th all-time. A paid-up Debutante Duck club member from way back, and duck stock runs in the family — kin Frank (38), Percy (16) and Ian (1) all carry the Brattle name on the ledger. Mike Iliffe made this same calendar-day duck against Rumwood CC back in 1973. Colin Dicker was next, bowled A Creed — 3rd of the season, 11th career from just 25 innings, a strike rate that would make anyone blush. 1973's Duck of the Year still finding his range. Same Iliffe echo. And Tony Gauna was back at the crease and back in the pavilion — bowled Graham Mountford — his 5th of the season, 10th career, completing a grim pair for the week: out at Rumwood Saturday, out again at Sheldwich Sunday. Tuesday 11th, v Maidstone Teachers (home) Allan Cooper, bowled D Todd, made it seven — 3rd of the season, 9th career, his name inscribed no fewer than three times on the "Only Two Quacks" boards alongside Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back. On this same date in 1967, Terry Whittaker suffered identically against Hartley Country Club CC. 📋 Week in summary Seven ducks from three matches, and Tony Gauna doing the heavy lifting with a pair across the weekend — out first at Rumwood, out again less than 24 hours later at Sheldwich. Alan Cradduck, meanwhile, quietly nails down the 1974 Duck of the Year title early in the season. Consistency of a very particular kind. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Tony Gauna — 9 inns, 5 ducks (55.56%) - Allan Cooper — 7 inns, 3 ducks (42.86%) - Colin Dicker — 7 inns, 3 ducks (42.86%) - Alan Cradduck — 8 inns, 3 ducks (37.5%) - Paul Brattle — 15 inns, 3 ducks (20.0%) Next fixture awaits — who fancies joining the ledger this time? 🍩0️⃣🦆

Only the 1st XI troubled the zero club this weekend, but they made up for it in variety — an opener, a middle-order collapse victim, and a tail cleaned up twice by the same bowler. Four ducks, two matches, the season firmly under way. Saturday 1st June — v Davington Priory CC (Home) - Paul Brattle went first ball down the order at number one, caught Martyn Ballands bowled Peter White — proof that even openers aren't safe from the art of not scoring. His 2nd duck of the season and 13th career (36th on the all-time list of 900) keeps him a paid-up, if historic, member of the Debutante Duck club from a duck on his own long-ago debut. A Brattle through and through — parent Frank sits on 38 career ducks and family man Percy on 16, so the nought clearly runs in the blood. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1903 Rev W A Carr also strolled back for nought, against 1st Innings Maidstone CC. - Mike Iliffe, in at seven, was bowled by David Matthews for his 1st duck of the season — but his 29th career duck, a startling tally that plants him 11th of 900 all time. Consistency of a very particular kind. He too shares his nought with Rev W A Carr's effort of 1903, same day, different century. Sunday 2nd June — v Nonington CC (Away) Down at Nonington, N Ring enjoyed a fine afternoon dismantling the Linton tail, accounting for both remaining ducks of the weekend. - Allan Cooper, at eight, was bowled by Ring for his 2nd duck of the season and 8th career (53rd of 900). A serial collector of company in misery, Allan already holds a trio of "Only Two Quacks" honours — with Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back — a real social club within the club. His parallel: on this day in 1962, Basil Sears also fell for nought against A. Trembeths. - Tony Gauna, last man in, followed suit to the same bowler for his 3rd duck of the season, also his 8th career (63rd of 900). Three ducks in seven innings is form of the most dubious kind, and it's enough to send him top of this season's charts. He shares his moment in history with Basil Sears too — the same 1962 duck against A. Trembeths, doing double duty this week. Week in summary: four ducks from two matches, all courtesy of the 1st XI, with N Ring claiming a tidy brace at Nonington. Early season, and the zero club already has its pacesetter. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏆 1. Tony Gauna — 3 ducks / 7 innings (42.9%) 2. Paul Croucher — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.7%) 3. Allan Cooper — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.0%) 4. Jim Hall — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.0%) 5. Colin Dicker — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.3%) Paul Croucher's 66.7% strike rate is one to watch — surely he can't keep that up. Then again, this is the Duck Club, so naturally he can. Next fixture beckons — who'll be adding their name to the list next weekend? We watch, we wait, we celebrate. 🦆0️⃣

Nine ducks from four matches this long weekend, with Sunday's trip to Lordswood doing most of the damage. A proper cull for the collection. Saturday 25th — YMCA Maidstone (h) - Jim Hall, caught Adams bowled Dearing at number 7, chalks up his 2nd duck of the season and 12th for the club from 77 innings — 38th in the all-time standings, and a fully paid-up Debutante Duck and Duck of the Year 1970. On this very day in 1970, Frank Brattle (1937–71, 38 ducks, 5th all-time) was also trudging off, against Bearsted. Sunday 26th — Lordswood CC (h) Five wickets fell for nought in this innings alone, a genuine collapse, four of the five gifted to David Twiddy. - Tim Thirkell, bowled Twiddy, takes his 1st of the season and 21st career from 130 innings — 22nd all-time — and already owns the rare Full House, a duck at every position 1 to 11. - Phil Hickman, caught Carrington bowled Twiddy, opens his season account with just his 1st career duck from 4 innings — son of veteran quacker Ron Hickman, who carries 23 to his name. - Jon Harris, run out, brings up his 19th career duck from 100 innings — 24th all-time — another Full House man and Debutante Duck alumnus. - Paul Croucher, bowled Twiddy, chalks up his 2nd of the season and 4th career — and now sits top of the season charts outright. - Tony Gauna, bowled Twiddy, brings up his 2nd of the season and 7th career, closing out the innings in style. The whole quintet shares a vintage: on this day in 1957, Cliff Anscombe was also dismissed for nought, against Ron Aiston's XI, on his way to 24 career ducks. Monday 27th — Bearsted CC (h) - Nigel Thirkell, stumped Livingstone bowled Elswood, completes a family double for the Thirkells this weekend — brother Tim was back in the pavilion at Lordswood barely a day before. Nigel's own tally moves to 1 for the season, 13th career, 35th all-time. - Benny Bell, bowled Burnett, notches his 1st of the summer and 25th career from 108 innings — 13th all-time. - Alan Cradduck, caught Andrews bowled Morgan, brings up his 2nd of the season and 17th career — and as reigning Duck of the Year 1974, isn't giving up the crown without a fight. Same again here: on this day in 1956, C- Haylor also made a duck against Ron Aiston's XI, en route to 14 for the career. Week in Summary Nine ducks, three unfortunate sides, and David Twiddy doing his best impression of the entire Lordswood attack single-handed. The Thirkell name features twice this weekend, brothers Tim and Nigel both back in the pages on separate afternoons. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Paul Croucher — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.7%) 2. Colin Dicker — 2 / 5 (40.0%) 3. Jim Hall — 2 / 5 (40.0%) 3. Paul Bowles — 2 / 5 (40.0%) 5. Alan Cradduck — 2 / 6 (33.3%) Next fixture beckons, and with it, no doubt, further additions to the roll of honour. See you at the crease. 🦆🍩0️⃣

The season's early fixtures have already started filling the club's least wanted column, with three noughts recorded across the weekend's two outings. Quality over quantity, as ever. 🏏 Saturday 18th — 1st XI v Headcorn CC Paul Croucher, promoted to number 7, was bowled by G Wickens without troubling the scorers — his first blob of the season and the third of a career now standing at 12 innings, good enough for 134th on the all-time list. Croucher is also a name on the club's Retirement Duck honours board from a past farewell, a distinction he carries rather than repeats. On this very day in 1957, William Blight (1953–1963) also strolled back for nought, one of the 10 career ducks that still hold him at 47th of 899 — kindred spirits, twenty-three years apart. 🍩 Sunday 19th — 1st XI v Aylesford Paper Mills CC Aylesford Paper Mills proved unusually fertile hunting ground, claiming two Linton wickets without a run between them. Opener Paul Bowles fell caught Ian Milner, bowled Gordon Samson, his second duck of the young season and 25th of a substantial career spanning 202 innings — a lofty 14th on the all-time roll. Bowles is a two-time Duck of the Year (1966 and 1968), a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top 10, and holds his "Only Two Quacks" pairing with Adam Pooley among the club's more exclusive double acts. Splendidly, on this exact day in 1951, Gordon Bugge also departed for nought against these very opponents — proof that Aylesford Paper Mills have form as duck merchants going back decades. At number 9, Colin Dicker edged one more into the ledger, bowled by Brian Fridd for his second duck of the season and 10th of his career from just 21 innings — a brisk rate that sits him 44th all-time. Dicker banked the Duck of the Year title in 1973 and looks in no mood to relinquish his taste for the dramatic exit. He too finds company in Gordon Bugge's 1951 vintage duck against the same opposition — proof this fixture has been quietly claiming Linton batsmen for a very long time indeed. 📋 Week in Summary Two matches, three ducks, and Aylesford Paper Mills doing the damage twice over on a single Sunday. Headcorn contributed a solitary but honourable nought. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Colin Dicker — 3 innings, 2 ducks (66.67%) 2. Paul Bowles — 3 innings, 2 ducks (66.67%) 3. Ron Hickman — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 4. Allan Cooper — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) 5. Paul Croucher — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) Dicker and Bowles share top spot, both fresh off pairs of their own — early days yet, but the race for this season's crown is already delightfully competitive. Next fixture looms, and with it the promise of fresh additions to the club's most dubious of distinctions. Bat carefully out there — or don't, we're not fussy. 🦆0️⃣

Two matches on the fixture list this week, and Rumwood CC did all the damage — three Linton batsmen shipped out for nought in a single innings away at Rumwood, a proper cluster of quackery from the middle order downward. 1st XI at Rumwood CC (away) Ken Webb went early-ish at first drop, caught John Pearson bowled B. Chisnell, his 1st duck of the season and 2nd of a 31-innings career — nudging him to 186th of 899 in the all-time standings. On this very day in 1969, John Ames (1952–1974, 45 ducks, 3rd all-time) also strolled back for nought, against Gore Court CC — Ken keeps distinguished, if unfortunate, company. Then came a Sam Simmonds special, claiming two in the same innings. Jim Hall, bowled Simmonds at number six, notches his 1st duck of the season and 11th for the club from 73 innings — good enough for 41st of 899 all time. Jim is a paid-up member of the exclusive zero club several times over: Debutante Duck honours from way back, a Duck of the Year crown in 1970, places in both the Homebody and Tourist Duck top tens, and no fewer than three Quacking Together partnerships on the honours board. Like Ken, his duck fell on the very date John Ames made his in 1969. Colin Dicker followed him back, also bowled Simmonds, at seven. His 1st of the season lifts him to 9 career ducks from just 20 innings, ranking 48th of 899 — and a proud holder of the Duck of the Year 1973 title. Same date, same Ames precedent keeping him company in the ledger. The Week in Brief Three ducks, two matches, one thoroughly miserable innings for Linton's middle order at Rumwood — Sam Simmonds walking off with a brace to his name and B. Chisnell claiming the other with John Pearson's gloves doing the honours. The second fixture of the period passed, mercifully, duck-free. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jim Hall — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 2. Ron Hickman — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 3. Alan Cradduck — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% 4. Allan Cooper — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% 5. Colin Dicker — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% Early season, and the race for Duck of the Year 1974 is wide open — a five-way tie at the summit. Fixtures continue apace, and with them, no doubt, further additions to the roll of dishonour. See you all at the crease. 🏏🦆0️⃣

A quiet fixture list produced one match and one thoroughly noisy collapse. Sunday NVKC's trip to Leeds and Broomfield yielded five entries to the exclusive zero club in a single innings — the art of not scoring, on full display. Sunday NVKC v Leeds and Broomfield (away) Paul Bowles opened and departed early, caught Swindell bowled Sharatt. His 1st duck of the season and 24th of a long and storied career — 201 innings deep and sat 16th on the all-time list. A two-time Duck of the Year (1966 and 1968) and a permanent fixture of the Ducks on the Road top ten, Bowles clearly travels badly. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1956, Richard Harris — 36 career ducks, 6th all-time, who played from 1940 to 1970 — was doing precisely the same thing against Marden CC. Paul Brattle followed almost immediately, bowled Hollbourne for nought — his 1st of the season, 12th overall, and 39th on the club's roll from 92 innings. Duck-club membership clearly runs in the family: kinsman Frank Brattle carries 38 career ducks, Percy Brattle 16, and brother Ian 1. Paul is also a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from an earlier innings, and shares today's page in the history books with Harris's 1956 effort too. Down the order, R Fermor got to work. Allan Cooper went first, bowled for his 1st of the season and 7th career duck — 53 innings in, 63rd all-time. Allan is something of a serial offender in company, holding not one but three "Only Two Quacks" partnerships on the honours board, with Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back all having shared the walk back with him over the years. Tony Gauna was next, trapped lbw by Fermor for his 1st duck of the season and 6th of his career from 43 innings, good for 77th on the all-time list — the honours board can wait. And completing Fermor's afternoon, Ron Hickman fell bowled for his 1st duck of the season but a hefty 23rd for his career, from just 51 innings — 19th all-time and no stranger to this column. Ron already shares a "Quacking Together" board with clubmate Alan Cradduck, and once managed a Runaway Duck season back in 1965 — an entire summer without a run to his name. He too, naturally, keeps company with Richard Harris's 1956 vintage. Week in summary Five ducks, one match, one bowler (R Fermor) doing for three of them down the order — a proper tail-end procession, and a banner day for the zero club if not for the scorebook. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Alan Cradduck — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Gordon Dent — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Ron Hickman — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Allan Cooper — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Paul Bowles — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% A three-way tie at the summit — plenty of season left for someone to break clear. 🏏 Next fixture awaits, and with it the club's usual quota of nervous nineties in reverse. See you at the crease — or, more likely, back in the pavilion. 0️⃣🦆

A modest but perfectly formed haul from the opening skirmishes of the 1974 campaign: two matches, two ducks, both credited to the 1st XI, both earned away from home. The zero club never sleeps, even in April. 🏏 Saturday 27th — West Farleigh CC (away) Gordon Dent went first, undone lbw to Micky Back at number four. It's the second duck of a 20-innings career for Gordon, moving him to 170th of 899 in the all-time standings — modest company, but company nonetheless. Neatly, on this very day back in 1968, Cliff Anscombe made a duck against these same West Farleigh opponents, en route to a career haul of 24 and a place inside the top 15 all time. Cliff's own journey began with a Debutante Duck and included the 1957 Duck of the Year crown — Gordon has some way to go yet, but the calendar has drawn a neat line between them. 🏏 Sunday 28th — Aylesford Paper Mills CC (away) Alan Cradduck fell for nought at number nine, bowled by Grahame Clinton — his first duck of the young 1974 season and the 16th of his career in 63 innings, good enough for 29th on the all-time list. Alan is no stranger to this particular honour: a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club since his very first senior innings, he also owns a Ducks in a Row honour (five on the bounce, a fine run of utterly abject form) and once shared a Quacking Together entry with Ron Hickman. With the season only just under way, this outing plants an early flag in the 1974 Duck of the Year race — currently a field of one, and Alan's to lose. On this same calendar day in 1956, R Vincent also departed for nought against West Farleigh CC — a solitary 1956 season that still nets him 134th all time on 3 ducks. Different opposition, different era almost, same unmistakable result. 📋 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, both away from home, both falling to the 1st XI — a tidy if unspectacular start to the hunting season. No pairs, no family affairs, nothing yet to trouble the higher reaches of the honours board. Plenty of season left for that. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1974 1. Alan Cradduck — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 2. Gordon Dent — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Early days, but a flawless start for both — the kind of consistency the Duck Club holds dear. Roll on next weekend, when the fixtures resume and, no doubt, the ducks keep on quacking. 🦆 --- One other thing worth a mention when there's a natural pause: a teammate's machine is well behind the rest of the team on skills/tools updates — nothing for you to do, just worth flagging to them so they start a session and pull the update.