🦆 The Duck Pond

Season 1996 draws to its final furlong, and Linton Park turned out for one last fixture of the campaign. The Duck Club's scouts were out in force, nets primed, honours board dusted down and ready for a late addition… …and, agonisingly, nothing. Not a sausage. Not a nought. All parties at the crease this week found their way off the mark, leaving the zero column untroubled for the only time it mattered. A "vegan affair" as the old reports call it — no fowl whatsoever. Whether this counts as a triumph of application or simply a quiet conspiracy against the Duck Club's editorial team is, as ever, a matter of perspective. Either way, the art of not scoring took a rare Saturday off. Spare a thought for the season's front-runners below, who will have to make do with their existing tallies as 1996 edges towards the close — no fresh blows landed to disturb the standings this week, for better or worse. 0️⃣ Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — 1996 0️⃣ 🥇 Stuart Cheesman — 8 ducks in 41 innings (19.51%) 🥈 Mike Elworthy — 5 ducks in 31 innings (16.13%) 🥉 Peter Whyte — 4 ducks in 11 innings (36.36% — a quite alarming strike rate) 4. Richard Ellis — 4 ducks in 13 innings (30.77%) 5. Roly Edwards — 4 ducks in 17 innings (23.53%) Peter Whyte remains the statistical menace of the pack — better than one duck in every three trips to the crease is the kind of consistency the club can only doff its cap to, in the wrong direction. With the season winding down, there's precious little time left for anyone to mount a late charge on Stuart Cheesman's commanding lead at the top. But this is the Duck Club — complacency has undone finer averages than these. One careless waft, one full toss straight into the pads, and the standings could yet be rewritten before the covers go on for winter. 🏏 Until the next fixture, when normal service — and the odd golden duck — will surely resume. Keep your bats straight, or better yet, don't. 🍩

A quieter week for the Club by our lofty standards — just two ducks laid down all week, both in the very same innings, both for the 1st XI. Quality over quantity, evidently. 🏏 1st XI v Hastings & St Leonards Priory CC (home, 21 Sept) Keith Hatcher went in at first drop and departed bowled A Barnes for nought — his 2nd duck of the season and 7th of an increasingly decorated career, now sat 108th of 1219 in the all-time roll of dishonour. A neat bit of calendar symmetry here too: on this very date back in 1958, Stan Wratten (1943–1984, 35 career ducks, all-time 17th) was also trudging back for a duck, against Tilling Steven. History, it seems, enjoys an anniversary. Four down the order, Stuart Cheesman edged Carl Read for his 8th duck of the summer — comfortably the Club's most prolific quacker this year — and his 22nd career duck from 108 innings, 42nd of 1219 all-time. Stuart is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having ducked on his very first senior innings, and already crowned Duck of the Year 1996 to go with his earlier honours in 1994 — the leaderboard below shows exactly why. He's also a Full House member, having now recorded a duck in every position from 1 to 11, dedication bordering on the pathological. The ducking gene clearly runs in the family too — brother Steve carries 13 career ducks and father Fred a hearty 29. And like Keith, Stuart's own fall echoes Stan Wratten's duck on this exact date in 1958. 📅 Week in Summary Four fixtures played, only one of them troubled by the zero — a rare outbreak of competence from the other three sides. The 1st XI alone kept the Club's reputation intact, striking twice in one innings against Hastings & St Leonards. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — top 5 - Stuart Cheesman — 40 innings, 8 ducks (20.0%) - Mike Elworthy — 30 innings, 5 ducks (16.67%) - Peter Whyte — 11 innings, 4 ducks (36.36%) - Richard Ellis — 13 innings, 4 ducks (30.77%) - Roly Edwards — 16 innings, 4 ducks (25.0%) Stuart sits well clear at the summit as the season draws on — can anyone catch him before the books close on 1996? Get out there next fixture and give the Club something fresh to celebrate. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Three fixtures, seven fresh entries in the ledger. The 1996 zero club had a busy weekend. 🏏 Saturday 14th — 1st XI at Clarion CC A torrid afternoon for Linton's middle and lower order, with four names added inside one innings. Stuart Cheesman went first, lbw to Steve Harris for his 7th duck of the season and 21st of a career now 105 innings deep — 43rd on the all-time list of 1218. Stuart already wears the Duck of the Year crown for both 1994 and 1996, and carries the rare Full House honour (a duck at every position, 1 through 11) besides. Clearly a family trade too — father Fred sits on 29 career ducks, brother Steve on 13. Richard Ellis (b E Driver) followed for his 3rd of the season, 7th of his career — a long-standing Debutante Duck club member from his very first Linton innings years back. He wasn't done for the weekend, either. Matt Large edged behind off E Driver for his 3rd of the season, but the career column is the real headline: 53 ducks, 5th of all 1218 names ever to bat for the club, with six Duck of the Year titles (1987, '88, '89, '92, '93, '95) gathering dust on the mantelpiece. Adam Pooley completed the quartet lbw to E Driver, his 3rd of the season and 6th career duck. All four kept fine historical company — on this very day in 1958, Stan Wratten also trudged off for nought, against Tunbridge Wells CC, one of 35 career ducks that still rank him 17th of all time. 🏏 Saturday 14th — 2nd XI v Betsham CC Iain Cardew edged Simon Rasho through to the keeper for his 1st duck of the season, 3rd of his career, and — like Richard Ellis before him — a Debutante Duck man from way back. Same 1958 vintage in the history books as his Clarion teammates above. 🏏 Sunday 15th — 1st XI v Northend Sunday Peter Whyte fell lbw to K Stapley for his 4th of the season, 16th of his career — 54th all-time. Kin note: brother Tom carries 2 career ducks of his own. And Richard Ellis was back at it, caught behind off J-Robertson for a second duck in as many days — his 4th of the season, 8th of his career, and a proper pair to bookend the weekend across Saturday and Sunday. Both Sunday casualties shared company with 1982, when Trevor Hales made his own duck against The Mote CC, one of just 3 in a career running 1981 to 1989. 📊 Week in Summary Seven ducks from three matches, four of them from a single Clarion innings, and E Driver walking off with three scalps to his name. Richard Ellis the week's stand-out repeat offender with a duck on both days. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 37 inns, 7 ducks (18.92%) 2. Mike Elworthy — 28 inns, 5 ducks (17.86%) 3. Peter Whyte — 9 inns, 4 ducks (44.44%) 4. Richard Ellis — 13 inns, 4 ducks (30.77%) 5. Roly Edwards — 16 inns, 4 ducks (25.0%) Stuart holds the lead but Peter Whyte's strike rate is the one to fear. The ducks never rest — see you at the next fixture. 🦆

A quiet week for the exclusive zero club — four matches in the diary and the ducks mostly kept their heads down. Only one soul was brave (or careless) enough to add his name to the ledger. Midweek XI Lord Cornwallis XI provided the solitary casualty, with Mike Elworthy caught J Cornwallis, bowled S Ives at number four. He survived at least a ball before departing, so no golden duck ignominy to report — just the plain, honest business of getting out for nought. It's his 5th of the season and a tidy 22nd for his Linton career, from 227 innings, lodging him at number 41 of 1216 in the all-time table — a spot in rarefied company, and a name that already appears in the Tourist Duck top 10, so he's clearly been collecting these on the road as well as at home. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1991, Fred Cheesman was doing exactly the same thing against The Mote CC, en route to his own 29 career ducks and a place at number 26 all-time — a two-time Duck of the Year and proud member of the Full House club (a duck at every position, no less). History, as ever, repeats itself in the most scoreless of ways. Week in Summary One duck from four matches is about as restrained as this club gets — either the bowlers were off form or, more likely, everyone else simply couldn't be bothered to get out. Consistency of a very particular kind from Mike, carrying the flag alone this week. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Stuart Cheesman — 6 ducks, 35 innings (17.14%) 2. Mike Elworthy — 5 ducks, 27 innings (18.52%) 3. Roly Edwards — 4 ducks, 15 innings (26.67%) 4. Trevor Back — 4 ducks, 18 innings (22.22%) 5. Rob Doick — 4 ducks, 22 innings (18.18%) Stuart Cheesman holds the summit for now, but with Roly Edwards posting a fearsome 26.67% strike rate in a mere 15 innings, the race for Duck of the Year is far from settled. Next fixture, more victims required — the Duck Club always has room for new members, willing or otherwise. Pad up, and may the umpire's finger find you swiftly. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Saturday 31st August 2nd XI away at Sibton Park CC and it's the exclusive zero club's only guest of the entire weekend. Paul Bowles, promoted to number 5, was bowled by P- Mc Leary without so much as troubling the scorers. It's his 2nd duck of the 1996 campaign and the 52nd of a career that now stretches to 858 innings, keeping him lodged at 6th in the all-time standings out of 1,216 names on the books. A club stalwart of the very particular kind of consistency the Duck Club exists to honour — Bowles is already a two-time Duck of the Year (1966 and 1968), sits in the Ducks on the Road top 10 for his willingness to get out for nought in unfamiliar postcodes, and shares the Only Two Quacks honour with Adam Pooley. Sibton Park, it seems, agreed with the bowlers rather more than the batting order. Neat historical footnote for the anoraks among us — on this very day back in 1980, Allan Cooper also fell for a duck against Staplehurst CC. Cooper played from 1971 to 1989 and retired with 38 to his name, good for 13th all-time, and picked up two Only Two Quacks honours of his own along the way (with Jim Hall and with Jon Harris) plus a third with Trevor Back. Sixteen years apart, same fate, same calendar square. Sunday 1st September Elsewhere across the club a rare and welcome vegan weekend — the second fixture came and went without a single nought to report. The ducks, evidently, took the Sunday off. Week in Summary A quiet one by Duck Club standards — just the single addition across two matches, all the damage confined to Sibton Park. Sometimes the art of not scoring takes a rest day too, though with Bowles still active and hovering at 52, nobody expects the silence to last. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Stuart Cheesman — 6 ducks in 32 innings (18.75%) - Trevor Back — 4 ducks in 16 innings (25.00%) - Rob Doick — 4 ducks in 19 innings (21.05%) - Roly Edwards — 4 ducks in 13 innings (30.77%) - Mike Elworthy — 4 ducks in 25 innings (16.00%) Edwards holds the grim honour of the sharpest strike rate up top, but with Cheesman's innings count climbing fastest, this race for Duck of the Year has plenty of overs left in it yet. Next fixture awaits, and with it the next round of nominations for the honours board. Pads on, bails off — see you all out there. 🦆🍩

Seven ducks hatched across five matches this week, one of them the purest kind there is. Read on. 1st XI Bearsted CC, 26 August: last man in, Ollie Priestly departed first ball, bowled by Sarath Chandrasekera — a golden duck, the ignominy no one asked for. His second of the season lifts him to 5 career ducks, 138th of 1216 all-time, a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from a debut long past. On this very day back in 1979, Tim Thirkell was performing the identical trick against Old Anchorians CC. 2nd XI Away at Marden, four wickets fell for nought in one grim afternoon. Stewart Morrison opened and went lbw for his 3rd of the season, moving to 18 career ducks, 49th all-time — a Full House nearly-man still one position shy of the complete set, and only a handful ahead of sibling Phillip Morrison's own tally. Trevor Back followed at first drop, caught off the Milstead double act, his 4th of the season and 46th of a storied career that sits him 10th on the all-time list, a fixture of the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top tens. Stuart Cheesman continued the procession at number 7, his 6th of the season taking him to 20 career ducks — and with "Duck of the Year 1994" and, tellingly, "Duck of the Year 1996" already on his board, he's the man everyone else is chasing this season. A chip off a very ducky block too, with parent Fred Cheesman on 29 career noughts and brother Steve on 13. Chris Tymms closed the innings at 8 with his maiden duck of the season, his 7th in a 39-innings career. Remarkably, the whole middle order was in the company of Benny Bell, who made his own duck against Aylesford Paper Mills CC on this exact date back in 1968 — Marden clearly has a taste for anniversaries. Tour XI Daniel Thirkell endured a tour to forget, registering a pair — bowled for nought against Mullion on the 28th, then caught and bowled by Seth Turner against Falmouth CC the very next day. That's career ducks 4 and 5 from 31 innings, 129th all-time both times. Fitting company for a man born into Duck Club royalty — the Thirkell name already carries well over 200 career ducks between John, Tim, Nigel, Simon and Stuart. His first echoed Piers McDonald's 1993 duck against Sheldwich CC, his second Stan Wratten's 1954 effort against D Hambrook XI. 📊 Week in summary: 7 ducks from 5 matches, one golden duck at Bearsted, a grim pair on tour, and Marden proving fatal for the entire 2nd XI middle order. No family ducks to report this week — the bloodlines behaved themselves, for once. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 6 ducks, 32 innings (18.75%) 2. Roly Edwards — 4 ducks, 12 innings (33.33%) 3. Trevor Back — 4 ducks, 16 innings (25%) 4. Rob Doick — 4 ducks, 18 innings (22.22%) 5. Mike Elworthy — 4 ducks, 24 innings (16.67%) Cheesman leads the count, Edwards leads the strike rate — the race for Duck of the Year 1996 is well and truly on. Next fixture awaits, bat in hand and destiny uncertain. See you all out there. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Three fixtures out on the paddock this weekend, and the Zero Club's ledger shows just the one entry. Quality, not quantity, as the ducks themselves might say. 1st XI — home to Staplehurst CC Batting at four on the Sunday, Richard Ellis was undone by Bourne, bowled for nought. It's his 2nd duck of the campaign and the 6th of an already storied career spanning 27 innings, which nudges him to 123rd of 1216 in the all-time table — a place of genuinely dubious distinction. Ellis is also, for the record, one of the few members carrying the rare Debutante Duck / Quack-to-Quack / Retirement Duck triple on his honours board — his own first-ever innings, long before this weekend, went for a duck, and the farewell ledgers stand presumptively ready for whenever his last stand eventually comes. Not this week, mind — he'll be back at the crease soon enough, unretired and undeterred. Fittingly, on this very date in 1963, club legend John Thirkell also strolled back for nought against The Mote CC — one small step on a journey that would carry him to 90 career ducks, still the all-time #1 in LPCC's book, and a five-time Duck of the Year (1952, 1954, 1955, 1967, 1971). Ellis keeps good, if scoreless, historical company. Elsewhere across the weekend's other two fixtures — silence. Every batter got off the mark, or at least didn't trouble the Duck Club's paperwork. A rare quiet spell for the Zero Club, but 0️⃣ takes no holidays for long. Week in summary 1 duck from 3 matches — the quietest kind of weekend for the club's least wanted club. Ellis flying solo this time, no pairs, no golden ducks, no family affairs to report. The hunting season, however, rolls on regardless. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Stuart Cheesman — 5 ducks, 29 innings, 17.24% - Roly Edwards — 4 ducks, 11 innings, 36.36% - Rob Doick — 4 ducks, 16 innings, 25.00% - Mike Elworthy — 4 ducks, 21 innings, 19.05% - Peter Whyte — 3 ducks, 8 innings, 37.50% Roly and Peter both boasting duck rates north of a third of their innings — truly the art of not scoring, perfected. 🏏 Next fixture looms, and with it, fresh opportunity for the willow to betray its owner. The Zero Club never sleeps — see you all out there. 🦆🍩

A quiet week in the coverts, ducklings. Five matches played across the club and the hunters returned with a bag of precisely one. Either the bowlers had an off week or the batsmen have finally wised up — we suspect the latter is temporary. 🏏 2nd XI — Higham & Mockbeggar CC (home) Mike Elworthy, opening at number 2, fell to a smart delivery from C Holton — bowled, back to the pavilion, no fuss. It's his 4th duck of the summer and the 21st of a career that now stands at a mighty 220 innings, good enough for 41st on the club's all-time roll of dishonour. Mike is also a fixture on the Tourist Duck top 10 — clearly the away grounds of Kent hold a certain magnetism for him. On this very day back in 1991, a young Paul Gibson was doing much the same thing against Headcorn CC. Gibson went on to finish his career (1984–1996) with 23 ducks and 38th on the all-time list, plus a Platinum Duck to his name for being out first ball of a game in that same 1991 season. Mike, on 21 and climbing, is very much on the same trajectory — history, as ever, quietly repeating itself in the Duck Club archives. 📋 Week in Summary Just the one confirmed casualty from five fixtures — a rare week of near-total batting competence breaking out across the club. Whether this is a blip or the start of an alarming trend of actually scoring runs remains to be seen. The committee will be monitoring closely. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Stuart Cheesman — 27 inns, 5 ducks, 18.52% - Roly Edwards — 11 inns, 4 ducks, 36.36% - Rob Doick — 16 inns, 4 ducks, 25.00% - Mike Elworthy — 20 inns, 4 ducks, 20.00% - Peter Whyte — 8 inns, 3 ducks, 37.50% Roly Edwards and Peter Whyte remain the ones to watch on strike rate alone — over a third of their innings ending in nought is the kind of consistency this club was built to honour. 🦆 The season rolls on, and the ducks won't stay this shy for long. Get the scorebooks out for next weekend — normal service, and normal ignominy, will surely resume.

Nine ducks fell in four matches this week — the exclusive zero club welcoming old regulars back with open arms. Saturday 3 August — Southborough CC 1st XI: David Castle, c Martin Thomas b Steve Hebditch, his 1st duck of the season and 24th of a hefty career (422 innings) — 34th all-time, Tourist Duck top 10 fixture. On this day in 1952, Gordon Fenner (1941–1973) fell the same way, en route to 34 career ducks. Clive Newman followed, c Alex Presnell b Steve Hebditch, his 3rd this season and 7th career nought from 134 innings, 103rd all-time — Fenner's shadow again, same date. 2nd XI: Stuart Cheesman, c J- Pickett b P- Spencer, his 4th of the season and 18th career, 44th all-time. A Debutante Duck, Duck of the Year in 1994 and again this year, and a Full House man who's ducked at every position. Dad Fred carries 29 career noughts, brother Steve 13 — the family trade, evidently. Roly Edwards, b S- Dann, his 4th this season, 8th career (70 innings), 99th all-time. Sunday 4 August — Langleybury CC (NVKC) Peter Whyte, run out amid confusion, his 3rd this season and 15th career from 196 innings, 56th all-time. Sibling Tom Whyte keeps him company on 2. On this day in 1976, Robert Chance (1964–1978) also walked back, one of his eventual 8. Matt Large, likewise run out, his 2nd this season but a mighty 52nd of an illustrious career — 5th all-time, a long-standing Hall of Fame resident. A six-time Duck of the Year (1987–1995), fixture of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody and Lone Duck top 10s, agonisingly stuck on 10 of 11 positions for the Full House. Wednesday 7 August — Bexley CC (Midweek XI) Dave Todd, c Gary Joyce b Rob Grummitt, 3rd this season, 12th career from 152 innings, 63rd all-time. On this day in 1976, Colin Dicker (1972–1978) fell the same way, one of 23 for his career. Richard Piper, st Gary Joyce b Chris Woolley, 2nd this season, 11th career from just 29 innings — a fearsome rate. Already stocked in the Full House, Ducks on the Road, Homebody and Lone Duck top 10s. Dad Brian isn't far behind on 20. Stuart Cheesman returns, c Martin Pask b Richard O'Sullivan, completing a grim pair for the week — Southborough Saturday, Bexley Wednesday — his 5th this season, 19th career, 44th all-time. Week in brief Nine ducks, four matches, two mystery run-outs at Langleybury, and Stuart Cheesman doing the double in five days. No golden ducks — everyone troubled the scorers before departing empty-handed. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Stuart Cheesman — 25 inns, 5 ducks (20.0%) - Roly Edwards — 11 inns, 4 ducks (36.36%) - Rob Doick — 13 inns, 4 ducks (30.77%) - Peter Whyte — 8 inns, 3 ducks (37.5%) - Ian Brattle — 9 inns, 3 ducks (33.33%) Cheesman leads the chase for back-to-back Duck of the Year honours. Next fixture, the zero club opens its books again — who's joining the queue? 🦆🍩0️⃣

Five fixtures, six ducks, and the exclusive zero club welcomed its usual mixed bag of repeat offenders and first-timers this week. 🏏 Saturday 27 July — 1st XI home to Hollingbourne CC Clive Newman got the weekend's quacking underway, caught A W Ovenden bowled Andy Griffiths for his 2nd duck of the season. That's career duck number 6 from 132 innings, sliding him to 110th of 1212 in the all-time table. On this very day back in 1952, Basil Sears (1947–1963) was doing precisely the same thing against Folkestone CC, en route to 33 career ducks and 19th spot overall — Clive keeps distinguished company, if only in ignominy. Moments later Stewart Morrison followed him back, caught Kevin Phillips bowled Andy Griffiths, also his 2nd of the season and 17th of his career from 141 innings — good for 50th all-time. Stewart is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from a duck on his own long-ago debut, sits agonisingly on the Full House nearly-man board with only one position left to complete, and features in the Lone Duck top 10. A chip off the old block too — his sibling Phillip Morrison carries 2 career ducks of his own. Stewart also finds himself level with Basil Sears' 1952 vintage, the second Linton man this weekend to share that exact anniversary. 🏏 Sunday 28 July — 1st XI away to Clarion CC Matt Large, bowled E Driver, notched his 1st duck of the season but a rather more imposing 51st career duck — 5th on the all-time list of 1212. Six-time Duck of the Year (1987, 1988, 1989, 1992, 1993 and 1995), and a fixture of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, Matt remains the model of consistency of a very particular kind. Fittingly, on this day in 1993 a young Clive Newman — this week's own opening victim — was himself making a duck against Ipswich Greyhounds CC on the Kent Tour, a neat full circle. 🌱 Midweek XI — Monday 29 July home to Cleethorpes CC Rob Doick, caught John Coles bowled Jeff Todd, banked his 4th duck of the season — enough to top the current Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — and 18th career duck from 115 innings, 47th all-time. On this day in 1989 Matt Large, this week's other headline quacker, was also departing for nought against Hollingbourne CC. Ian Brattle then fell bowled Chris Quirk for his 3rd of the season and a hefty 38th career duck from just 112 innings, rocketing him to 15th of 1212 all-time. Ian sits on the 50 Before a 50 board (51 ducks, high score 33 — runs remain optional), owns a Ducks in a Row honour for seven on the bounce, shares Only Two Quacks with Michael Beeney, and is another Debutante Duck alumnus. It's a family trade too — sibling Paul Brattle carries 26 career ducks. Ian shares today's parallel with Rob: 1989, Matt Large, Hollingbourne CC. 🌾 Wednesday 31 July — Midweek XI vs Ipswich Greyhounds CC (Kent Tour XI) Gareth Thomas, stumped I Croton bowled T Taylor, claimed his 1st duck of the season and 3rd career duck from 19 innings, 186th all-time. A card-carrying member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell. On this day in 1895, Ernest Cruttenden (1881–1912) was doing the same against Headcorn CC on his way to 10 career ducks, 77th all-time and Duck of the Year 1895. 📅 Week in Summary Six ducks from five matches — one side kept an admirably clean sheet. Monday's Cleethorpes clash proved the most fertile hunting ground with two victims in one innings. No pairs, no king pairs, and the family honours board stays untroubled this week — just steady, dependable failure across the club. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Rob Doick — 4 ducks, 11 innings (36.4%) 2. Ian Brattle — 3 ducks, 9 innings (33.3%) 3. Roly Edwards — 3 ducks, 10 innings (30.0%) 4. Adrian Caddick — 3 ducks, 12 innings (25.0%) 5. Trevor Back — 3 ducks, 12 innings (25.0%) Rob Doick leads the chase for Duck of the Year, but with the season still to run, plenty of time for someone to strut out and claim it. Same bat, same ball, same beautiful nought — see you all next weekend 🦆🍩0️⃣

A rare and cruel thing happened this weekend: nothing happened at all. Two fixtures played across the weekend calendar, both sides took guard, both sides departed, and not a single Linton batsman could manage the one feat this newsletter exists to celebrate. Eleven wickets fell somewhere along the way no doubt, but every last one of them mustered at least a run first. The zero club stood at the gate all weekend and nobody walked through it. A vegan weekend, in the parlance of the club — completely free from fowl. Spare a thought for the Duck Hunting Season leaderboard, currently ticking over nicely without any fresh contributions. The chasing pack will not thank this weekend for the breather, but rest assured the ducks are only ever one loose shot away, and 1996 has plenty of cricket left in it yet. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Rob Doick — 3 ducks in 8 innings (37.5%) 🥈 Roly Edwards — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.3%) 🥉 Adrian Caddick — 3 ducks in 10 innings (30.0%) Trevor Back — 3 ducks in 10 innings (30.0%) Mike Elworthy — 3 ducks in 15 innings (20.0%) Doick leads on strike rate of ignominy but the whole top five is bunched on three apiece — this one has all the makings of a genuine ding-dong through August. 🍩 Nothing to report is, in its own way, a triumph of adversity for the batsmen concerned — every single one of them beat the duck this weekend, which is more than can usually be said. Enjoy it while it lasts, gentlemen, because normal service resumes the moment bat next meets ball. Next fixture, the ducks will surely be back on the prowl. 🦆

A proper vintage week for the exclusive zero club: five matches, twelve ducks, and two men achieving the rare double of failing twice in the same seven days. The art of not scoring, alive and well at Linton Park. Saturday 13 July 1st XI away at Horton Kirby CC produced a quartet of quacks, and remarkably all four — plus 2nd XI's contribution below — share one anniversary: on this very day in 1968, Paul Bowles also strolled back for nought against Beverley CC, Kent. Rob Doick was run out for his 3rd of the season, 17th of his career, 48th on the all-time list of 1,211. Michael Beeney (c Pooley b Titler) opened his season's account on 5 career ducks — he wasn't finished for the week. Jon Harris departed bowled for his 2nd of the season, a mighty 73rd of his career and 2nd on the entire all-time list — Full House and Homebody Duck top-tenner, and kin to fellow member Richard Harris on 36. Ian Brattle (c Scott b Titler) fell for his 1st of the season, 36th career, a proud 50-Before-a-50 man on 51 highest score 33 — also not done yet. Across the ground, 2nd XI's Stuart Cheesman was bowled by Ian Abernethy for his 3rd of the season and 17th career, already carrying Duck of the Year honours for both 1994 and 1996, plus a Full House to his name — and keeping it in the family, with sibling Steve and parent Fred both fellow members. Sunday 14 July 1st XI at Folkestone CC saw Richard Piper bowled by Andy Bray for a tidy 10th career duck — kin to Brian Piper on 20 — and Gavin Saunders caught for his 2nd career duck from just 3 innings. Both echo A Hughes, who ducked on this same day back in 1956 against A. Trembeths. Wednesday 17 July Midweek XI at home to Ingham CC lost three to D Wiseman in one grim spell. Mike Elworthy (3rd of the season, 20th career) and Trevor Back (3rd of the season, 45th career, 10th all-time) both fell bowled, while Steve Cheesman was trapped lbw for his 1st of the season, 13th career — a second Cheesman duck of the week after brother Stuart's on Saturday. All three share their on-this-day honour with Nick Froom, out for nought on this date in 1993 against Kennington CC, Kent. Thursday 18 July 1st XI at The Mote CC saw pairs completed for two men already bonded by the "Only Two Quacks" honour between them. Michael Beeney, bowled by J Hodgson, moved to his season's 2nd, career 6th. Ian Brattle, caught off the same bowler, reached his 2nd of the season, 37th career. Both now carry a pair for the week, and both share the day's parallel with Frank Brattle, out on this date in 1964 against Rumwood CC. Week in Summary 12 ducks, 5 matches, 2 gloriously grim pairs, and a Cheesman family double for good measure. D Wiseman and Marc Titler share the week's top executioner honours, three scalps apiece. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Rob Doick — 3/8 (37.5%) 1. Roly Edwards — 3/8 (37.5%) 3. Adrian Caddick — 3/10 (30%) 3. Trevor Back — 3/10 (30%) 5. Mike Elworthy — 3/15 (20%) The season presses on — who's next to join the club at the next fixture? We watch, we wait, we celebrate. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A big weekend for the exclusive zero club, with six new members inducted across three fixtures and Staplehurst doing the club's recruiting almost single-handedly. Saturday 6th July — 2nd XI v Staplehurst CC (home) Five ducks in one innings — a proper cull, and a fine illustration that consistency of a very particular kind runs right through this Linton XI. Opening the batting and the misery together, Stewart Morrison edged behind for his 1st duck of the season, his 16th career nought from 137 innings — 52nd on the all-time list. Stewart already wears the Debutante Duck ribbon from his own first knock years back, hovers agonisingly close to a Full House having ducked in 10 of 11 positions, and sits in the Lone Duck top 10 besides — his brother Phillip keeps 2 career ducks of his own in the family trophy cabinet. On this very date in 1968, Paul Bowles was doing precisely the same thing against Charles Arkcoll. Trevor Back (6) followed, caught off Pullen for his 2nd of the season and 44th career duck — 10th all-time, and a fixture of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody and Lone Duck top 10s. He too shares 6th July 1968 with Mr Bowles. Dave Todd (7) went the same way off the same bowler, his 2nd of the season and 11th career duck, 69th all-time. Another name for the 1968 Bowles club. Alan Boyns (9) became Ian Pullen's third victim of the innings, his 1st duck of the season and 16th career, 49th all-time. Alan carries the Diamond Duck honour from 1990, having once departed without troubling the bowler for a single delivery. History repeats: 6th July 1968, Paul Bowles again. Last man Roly Edwards was bowled by Linford for his 3rd duck of the season already, his 7th career, 105th all-time — and, right on cue, Paul Bowles was there in 1968 too. A busy man that day. Sunday 7th July — Sunday NVKC v Rowledge CC (home) Just one addition, but a memorable method: Rob Doick run out for his 2nd duck of the season, 16th career, 51st all-time. On this same day in 1979, Paul Brattle was run out of his own patience against Medway Valley — the art of not scoring clearly transcends the decades. Week in Summary 🍩 Six ducks from three fixtures, five of them arriving in a single Staplehurst innings for the 2nd XI — triumph through adversity, or possibly just a very good bowling attack. One fixture this weekend escaped entirely unscathed, quietly and suspiciously duck-free. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 0️⃣ 🥇 Adrian Caddick — 3 ducks / 7 innings (42.86%) 🥈 Roly Edwards — 3 ducks / 7 innings (42.86%) 🥉 Adam Pooley — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50.00%) 4. Peter Whyte — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.00%) 5. Rob Doick — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) Roly and Rob both add to their season tallies this very week — the race for Duck of the Year 1996 is well and truly on. Fixtures resume next weekend, and the club stands ready to welcome its next inductees. Bring your bat, bring your luck, and may the Duck Club see you not. 🏏🦆

A quiet weekend by Duck Club standards — three matches, but the poultry congregated in just the one innings. At Home to The Mote CC on Sunday 30th, the 1st XI supplied the entire weekend's quota, three wickets down for nought apiece while the 2s and 3s (wherever they were) kept a suspiciously clean sheet. 🏏 1st XI v The Mote CC Rob Doick fell early at number two, caught P- Longman off S- Back — his first duck of the 1996 campaign, and the 15th of an increasingly well-stocked career, good enough for 54th on the all-time list of 1211. Rob's fellow traveller through history is R- Robinson, who on this very date in 1956 was also trudging off for nought, against St Lukes Maidstone CC of all opponents — proof the calendar has a long memory for these things. At four, Richard Ellis edged M- Dunk off S- Back for his own first duck of the season and fifth of a career now standing at 23 innings, 136th all-time. Richard is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club — his first-ever innings for the club went for nought — and carries the rare Quack-to-Quack honour besides, a duck on debut echoed, in due course, by a duck on farewell. Distinguished company to keep, and none of it earned today. Forty years to the day, R- Robinson was likewise dismissed for nought against St Lukes Maidstone CC in 1956 — the anniversary clearly likes a repeat performance. Down at eight, Adrian Caddick was bowled by M- Dunk for his third duck of the season — a rather emphatic way to lead the Duck Hunting Season table — and his ninth career nought in 54 innings, 80th on the all-time roll. Adrian has poultry in the blood: sibling Mike Caddick is no stranger to the zero club himself, sitting on seven career ducks of his own. It stays in the family, evidently, even if only one of them was on the field today. R- Robinson's 1956 vintage duck against St Lukes Maidstone rounds out a full house of on-this-day company for the innings. 📊 Week in Summary Three matches, three ducks, all struck in the same innings against The Mote CC — a rare case of the Duck Club putting all its eggs, so to speak, in one basket. Positions two, four and eight all succumbed, proving The Mote's attack was no respecter of the order. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Adrian Caddick — 7 inn, 3 ducks (42.86%) 2. Adam Pooley — 4 inn, 2 ducks (50.00%) 3. Peter Whyte — 4 inn, 2 ducks (50.00%) 4. Roly Edwards — 6 inn, 2 ducks (33.33%) 5. Mike Elworthy — 11 inn, 2 ducks (18.18%) Adrian sits proudly atop the standings with room to extend his lead — the rest of the club will need to find their ducks quickly if they're to catch him. Next fixture beckons, and the zero club always has room for new arrivals. 🦆🍩

A quiet weekend by Duck Club standards, but the exclusive zero club never rests entirely, and one name was duly inducted into this fortnight's minutes. 🏏 2nd XI — West Farleigh CC (away) Keith Hatcher, batting at four, departed c T. Richards b Matt Smith without troubling the scorers — a tidy, unfussy duck, and no suggestion of a golden one, so he can at least claim to have survived a ball before the inevitable arrived. It's his 1st duck of the 1996 season and the 6th of an increasingly distinguished career spanning 163 innings, lodging him at 117th of 1211 in the all-time reckoning. Consistency of a very particular kind. Neatly enough, the calendar obliged with a spot of history: on this very day back in 1991, Dave Charlton also fell for a duck against West Farleigh CC, part of a career haul of 18 that still sits him a healthy 45th of 1211. Some fixtures, it seems, simply demand it. 📋 Elsewhere The other two matches of the weekend passed off as thoroughly vegan affairs — not a single fowl sighting between them. West Farleigh's bowlers clearly saved their best work for Keith. 📊 Week in Summary Three matches, one duck, and Keith Hatcher standing rather alone at the crease of infamy this week. Not the bumper harvest the club has seen in other seasons, but the season standings remain lively enough to keep everyone honest. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Adam Pooley — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50%) 2. Peter Whyte — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50%) 3. Roly Edwards — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40%) 4. Adrian Caddick — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) 5. Mike Elworthy — 2 ducks / 10 innings (20%) A tightly packed top five, with Pooley and Whyte locked together at a fearsome 50% strike rate for nought. Plenty to play for as the season rolls on. 🍩 Roll on the next fixture — the ducks are only ever one loose shot away, and the club stands ready to welcome its newest members with open wings. 0️⃣🦆

Saturday opened the account, and Wednesday finished the job in style. Five matches, six ducks, one very unlucky quintet. 🏏 Saturday — 1st XI at Bexhill CC Ollie Priestly got things going at Bexhill, trapped lbw by Peter King without scoring at number 7. It's his 4th career duck from just 7 innings — 158th of 1211 on the all-time list — and he remains a long-standing member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his Linton account with a nought some innings back. On this very day in 1970, Cliff Anscombe — 25 ducks across 1957–1975, and Duck of the Year that same season — was doing precisely the same thing against Ozonair. Some traditions refuse to die. 🍩 Wednesday — Midweek XI v Sevenoaks & District Wednesday CC This is where the real damage was done. Five names went into the book in a single innings — a genuine ambush. S- Hallows opened the misery at 2, caught off Pat Reynolds without scoring on his very first outing for the club — a nought to mark the occasion, and instant membership of the Debutante Duck club. Whether this becomes a career defined by a single duck, only future selection will tell. Next in, Stuart Cheesman fell to the same bowler for his 2nd of the season and 16th overall — level with Percy Brattle (1934–1973). It extends a golden 1996 that's already delivered him this year's Duck of the Year crown, adding to a previous reign in 1994, and keeps his Full House board — a duck at every position — proudly intact. Unofficially a family trade too, with father Fred on 29 career ducks and brother Steve on 12. Mike Elworthy went next for his 2nd of the season and 19th of his career from 209 innings, edging further up the Tourist Duck top ten. Trevor Back followed, caught off S- Iqbal — his 1st of the season but 43rd for his career, good for 11th on the all-time list, with Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top-ten memberships all still standing. And rounding out the quintet, Adrian Caddick departed for his 2nd of the season and 8th of his career from 53 innings — level with Arthur Cradduck (1950–1959) among others — and, like Stuart, a family affair, with brother Mike sitting on 7 career noughts himself. A nice period touch: on this very day in 1955, Richard Harris also walked back for nought, against 1st Innings Hambros Bank, en route to 36 career ducks across 1940–1982. Five Linton men have just kept him company, 41 years to the day. 📊 The Week in Brief Six ducks from five matches, and Pat Reynolds alone did for three of Linton's top order on Wednesday. Sometimes the bowling figures simply do not lie. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Adam Pooley — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50.0%) 2. Peter Whyte — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50.0%) 3. Roly Edwards — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.0%) 4. Adrian Caddick — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) 5. Mike Elworthy — 2 ducks / 9 innings (22.22%) Two of this week's fallen already sit in the season's top five — plenty of cricket left for the rest to catch up. See you next fixture, when the ducks will doubtless be queuing again. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three matches out on the paddock this weekend but the ducks proved surprisingly elusive — only one addition to the Club's exclusive zero club to report. Still, quality over quantity, as they say. 1st XI v Rumwood CC (home, 8 June) Coming in at five, Neville Smith fell caught S- Martin b M- Styche — no golden duck this time, he weathered a ball or two before the inevitable arrived. It's his 2nd duck of the season and the 2nd of his career in 10 innings, sliding him to 274th of 1210 in the all-time reckoning — the art of not scoring, alive and well. Neville shares his calendar date with history: on this day in 1993, Ian Brattle also made a duck, back when Linton faced The Mote CC. Ian's the more decorated quacker of the two — 35 career ducks and 16th all-time, a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club (a duck on his very first innings), with a run of 7 Ducks in a Row and an entry on the "50 Before a 50" board (51 ducks, high score a defiant 33) to his name. Neville's got some catching up to do. The other two fixtures passed off entirely quack-free — a vegan weekend by the Club's usual standards, all batsmen troubling the scorers at least once. 📊 Week in summary 1 duck from 3 matches. A quiet weekend for the connoisseurs of nought, but the season race remains lively. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Peter Whyte — 2 ducks, 3 innings (66.67%) - Adam Pooley — 2 ducks, 4 innings (50.00%) - Roly Edwards — 2 ducks, 5 innings (40.00%) - Neville Smith — 2 ducks, 9 innings (22.22%) - Jon Harris — 1 duck, 2 innings (50.00%) Peter Whyte leads the charge with a fearsome two-thirds strike rate — a percentage most bowlers would be proud of. Plenty of season left for the chasing pack to close the gap, or for a dark horse to come steaming through with a golden duck of their own. 🍩 Next fixture, same time, same dubious glory on offer. See you at the crease — briefly, one hopes. 0️⃣

Four fixtures out on the paddock this weekend and the exclusive zero club barely had to open its doors — just the one applicant processed, though as ever, one is all it takes. 🏏 1st XI — Milstead CC (away) Opening the batting and opening the Duck Club's books for the weekend, Clive Newman fell lbw to Sloan without troubling the scorers. It's Clive's 1st duck of the 1996 season and the 5th of a career now standing at 124 innings — he holds at 125th of 1210 in the all-time table, a position of quiet, dogged consistency. On this very day back in 1903, Rev W A Carr was doing much the same thing against 1st Innings Maidstone CC — his solitary career duck earning him a lasting, if modest, spot at 522nd all-time. Clive, 1996's man, and the Reverend, 1903's, now share a moment across nine decades. The art of not scoring, it seems, transcends eras. 📋 Week in Summary Four matches, just the one duck — the ducks largely evaded the net this weekend, a rare quiet spell for the honours board. No pairs, no family affairs, no royal ducks to report. Consistency of a very particular kind, or perhaps everyone simply remembered how to hold a bat. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Adam Pooley — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) 2. Peter Whyte — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) 3. Roly Edwards — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.0%) 4. Jon Harris — 1 duck / 2 innings (50.0%) 5. Adrian Caddick — 1 duck / 3 innings (33.33%) Adam and Peter share top billing on a fearsome 66.67% apiece, with Roly lurking not far behind on a still-alarming 40%. Plenty of season left for this table to be rewritten. 🍩 Next up The season rolls on and the ducks will surely return with interest next weekend. Pads on, gentlemen — the zero club is always recruiting, and it never checks references. 🦆

The exclusive zero club took delivery of eight fresh members this week, spread across three separate afternoons of quality batting collapse. Bearsted proved unusually fond of Linton willow, Alex Tait bagged a hat-trick of scalps without ever bowling three balls in a row, and the Caddick household produced a matching pair without either brother facing the other's bowler. Let's get into it. 🏏 Saturday 25th — Double Trouble at Bearsted Both sides of the club visited Bearsted CC and both came home a wicket lighter in the dignity column. Mike Caddick, promoted to first drop, was tidily removed c Geoff Chapman b Stephen Heap — his 7th career duck from 95 innings, good enough for 104th on the all-time roll. On this very day in 1970, Frank Brattle made a duck against these very opponents, one of 38 in a career that still sits him 14th overall — Bearsted have evidently been perfecting this trick for decades. Over at the away fixture, Stuart Cheesman went c P Martin b Peter Court for his 15th career nought, rank 54 of 1210, a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, a Duck of the Year honouree already in 1996, and a Full House graduate (a duck at every position — a genuinely committed body of work). His father Fred sits on 29 career ducks and brother Steve on 12, so the poultry gene runs strong. Stuart, too, echoes Frank Brattle's 1970 vintage against Bearsted. 🏏 Monday 27th — Alex Tait's Triple The 1st XI's trip to face XII Men saw Alex Tait dismiss three Linton batsmen in a row for nothing, a spell of genuinely impressive parsimony. Neville Smith fell b Alex Tait for his maiden career duck from just 8 innings, rank 489. Adam Pooley followed, b Alex Tait, for his 2nd of the season and 5th career overall (11 innings, rank 121) — he already shares "Only Two Quacks" billing with both Fred Cheesman and Paul Bowles, good company in bad company. Then Peter Whyte, b Alex Tait, notched his 2nd of the season and 14th career (191 innings, rank 57) — brother Tom keeps him company with 2 of his own. All three now sit alongside Tim Thirkell, who made a duck on this same date in 1989 against Castle Hill, en route to 66 career ducks and 4th place all time. 🏏 Wednesday 29th — A Caddick Reunion, and a Legend Ducks Again Midweek's trip to Boughton Monchelsea brought three more. Dave Todd went b Dave Knight for his 10th career duck (145 innings, rank 75). Adrian Caddick was run out for his 7th — level, to the duck, with brother Mike's tally from four days earlier. Neither troubled the scorer, and between them the Caddicks now own a matching set. And in a proper piece of theatre, Jon Harris — 3rd on the all-time chart with 72 career ducks from 532 innings — fell lbw b Dave Knight for his latest. His honours board reads like a museum wing: Full House, Tourist/Homebody/Lone Duck top ten, three separate Duck of the Year titles, and shared quacking credits with Jim Hall, Trevor Back and Allan Cooper. His son Richard carries 36 career ducks of his own. All three Wednesday duckers join Piers McDonald, who made his own duck on this date in 1993 against Milstead. 📊 Week in Brief Eight ducks, six matches, one merciless bowling spell, and one set of brothers levelling the family scoreboard. Business very much as usual. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Adam Pooley — 2 ducks / 2 innings (100%) 2. Peter Whyte — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) 3. Roly Edwards — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40%) 4. Jon Harris — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) 5. Adrian Caddick — 1 duck / 3 innings (33.33%) Roll on the next fixture — the ducks are circling, and there's always room in the club. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A rare and troubling report from the front lines of the 1996 Duck Hunting Season: nothing to report. Two fixtures played across the weekend, eleven-odd batsmen a side sent out to do battle with bat in hand, and not a single one of them could manage the dignity of a nought. Every man who walked to the crease walked back having troubled the scorers at least once. A shutout. A clean sheet. Ovals evaded entirely. It is, frankly, a disgrace of the highest order. The whole point of turning up on a Saturday is the possibility of glorious, ignominious failure, and this weekend Linton Park's batting card delivered nothing but competence. 0️⃣ ducks from 2 matches — the exclusive zero club did not gain a single new subscriber, and the honours boards stay exactly as they were on Friday night. Somewhere out there, the great and good of the Duck Club — Tim Thirkell, Richard Piper, Trevor Back and the rest of the immortal names propping up the all-time standings — will have slept soundly knowing their records are safe for at least another week. Let this be a warning to complacent top-order batsmen everywhere: the ducks are not gone, merely regrouping. Adversity waits for no one, and this club has never been shy about celebrating the art of not scoring. Normal service, we trust, will resume shortly. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Roly Edwards — 2 ducks from 3 innings (67%) 🥈 Adam Pooley — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 🥈 Peter Whyte — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 4️⃣ Paul Bowles — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) 4️⃣ Piers McDonald — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) Roly Edwards sits handsomely clear at the summit on a fearsome 67% strike rate, with Adam Pooley and Peter Whyte both perfect — one from one — in the most efficient, if unwanted, fashion possible. Paul Bowles and Piers McDonald lurk just behind, each needing only one more soft dismissal to force their way to the top. Fear not, members — the season is young, the ball is hard, and somewhere next weekend a full toss with your name on it is surely waiting. 🏏🍩 See you at the next fixture — the ducks, like the swallows, will return.

Four fixtures out on the paddock this week and the Duck Club had to work hard for its supper — a single soul answered the call. Slim pickings, but quality over quantity, as ever. Saturday 11 May — 2nd XI Away at Flimwell CC, Roly Edwards strode out at number eight and departed for nought, caught by Stuart Gibb off the bowling of Richard Holloway. It's the second duck of the season for Roly, and his sixth in a 62-innings career, tucking him in at 119th of 1210 in the all-time standings — respectable company in the middle of a very long table. Nicely, the calendar obliges with a spot of symmetry — on this very day back in 1969, John Ames also trudged off for a duck, against Gore Court CC no less. Ames played from 1952 to 1978, finished with 49 ducks to his name and sits 7th of 1210 all-time, a genuine Duck Club aristocrat with Ducks in a Row, a place in the Homebody top ten, and no fewer than three separate Quacking Together partnerships to his credit. Roly is in fine historical company for his trouble. Elsewhere across the club's other three fixtures, bat triumphed over ball and the Duck Club's books stayed firmly shut — the art of not scoring apparently deserted everyone else this week. Week in Summary One duck from four matches is a quiet return by Linton standards — either the bowling wasn't up to scratch or, more likely, everyone else simply got lucky. The season tally ticks along regardless, and Roly's early brace already has him setting the pace in the race nobody wants to win. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Roly Edwards — 2 ducks from 3 innings (66.67%) - Adam Pooley — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) - Peter Whyte — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) - Paul Bowles — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) - Piers McDonald — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) Early days yet in the 1996 campaign, but the exclusive zero club never sleeps. Next fixture, someone else's name goes on the board — the ducks are out there, watching, waiting. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A quiet weekend for the exclusive zero club, but a quiet weekend is never a wasted one — four fixtures were played, and two batsmen found the special kind of nothing that keeps this newsletter in business. 🏏 Saturday, 2nd XI v Horsmonden CC First blood to Roly Edwards, caught Mark Flemington bowled Kevin Tester at number four, departing for the club's first duck of the period. It's Roly's opening duck of the 1996 season and the 5th of an accumulating career, now 5 from 61 innings and 133rd of 1208 in the all-time ledger — respectable company for a Monday-morning glance at the honours board. And speaking of company: on this very day back in 1969, Stan Wratten also walked back for nought against Bobbing Court CC, en route to a career haul of 35 and a place in the "Quacking Together" wing of the archive alongside John Ames. Roly's got some way to go to catch him, but every journey of a thousand noughts begins with a single duck. 🏏 Monday, 1st XI v Maidstone Dissidents CC Batting at five, Peter Whyte was bowled by Steve Heap for the club's second duck of the weekend — his 1st of the season and 13th for his career, moving him to 59th of 1208 in the all-time reckoning from 189 innings. A serviceable rate of failure by anyone's standards, and Peter isn't short of family form either — brother Tom Whyte carries 2 career ducks of his own, so the ability to leave without scoring evidently runs in the blood. On this same date in 1979, Ross Brice made his own contribution to history with a duck against Chatham Nomads CC, one of 11 across a career running 1978 to 1995 that also earned him the Duck of the Year honours that season. Peter, take note — there's a template there for greatness. 📊 Week in Summary Two ducks from four fixtures — modest pickings, but the Duck Club does not deal in volume, only in quality of ignominy. No pairs, no family affairs, no golden ducks to report this time round. Sometimes the art of not scoring is simply enjoyed one nought at a time. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Adam Pooley — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Peter Whyte — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Paul Bowles — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Piers McDonald — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - Roly Edwards — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% A perfect strike rate at the top of the table for now — though with the season still young, plenty of time for the field to close in. 🍩 Next fixture beckons, and with it, the inevitable fresh crop of nought-scorers. The zero club never sleeps — see you at the crease, or more likely, back in the pavilion. 0️⃣🏏

Season 1996 is up and running at Linton Park, and the exclusive zero club wasted no time enrolling new business. Three fixtures, four ducks, and a very tidy piece of symmetry at Penshurst to open proceedings. 🏏 1st XI Away at Penshurst on the Saturday, Paul Bowles and Adam Pooley departed in successive company, both undone by the same bowler, N- Ward — Bowles bowled at seven, Pooley bowled at eight. A neat piece of business, given the pair already share an "Only Two Quacks" honour between them — today's double simply renews the membership. For Bowles it's a modest first duck of the new season, but his 51st for the club overall, keeping him at a lofty 5th on the all-time list of 1208. A double Duck of the Year laureate (1966 and 1968) and a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top ten, he barely needs the introduction any more. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1985 it was Andrew Kember taking the long walk against Penshurst Park CC — a duck on debut that doubled as his farewell, poor lad, never to be seen again on a Linton scorecard. Pooley's is only his 4th career duck from 10 innings, sitting 138th of 1208 — a Retirement Duck club member already, for what that's presumptuously worth. His parallel is closer to home than most: on this same date in 1985, his own partner-in-crime Bowles was out for nought against Penshurst Park CC too. Some men are simply born to duck in tandem. Sunday took the 1s to Sheldwich, where Piers McDonald was run out — unsure by whom, which feels apt — without troubling the scorers. His 29th career duck lifts nothing and lowers nothing, holding steady at 27th all-time, comfortably established on both the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens. On this day in 1956, a young R Vincent was making his own solitary contribution to the honours board against West Farleigh CC, a single Debutante Duck to his name and nothing more — Piers, by contrast, shows no sign of stopping at one. 🔥 2nd XI At home to Yalding on the Saturday, Mike Elworthy was caught Myers, bowled Cardew, for the county's least demanding kind of nought. His 18th career duck from 201 innings keeps him 46th all-time and a paid-up Tourist Duck top-tenner. And once again, echoes of 1985 — Paul Bowles making his habitual nuisance of himself against Penshurst Park CC on this same date, a full eleven years before Bowles would go on to duck twice in his own right this very weekend. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks from three matches to open the campaign — a fair early haul, and Penshurst can apparently be thanked for two of them at a stroke. Early days yet, but the Duck of the Year race is already alive. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard Four names share top spot after round one, all locked at a flawless 100%: - Adam Pooley — 1 innings, 1 duck - Paul Bowles — 1 innings, 1 duck - Piers McDonald — 1 innings, 1 duck - Mike Elworthy — 1 innings, 1 duck 🍩 Looking Ahead Perfect records rarely survive long in this club — someone's bound to spoil it with an actual run. Next fixture, the zero club welcomes fresh applications. Bring your bats, gentlemen. Or don't bother.