🦆 The Duck Pond

A fortunate week for the batsmen of the eleven, and a lean one for this correspondent. Two fixtures were played across the period, and not a single egg was laid at either ground. The bowlers toiled honestly enough, no doubt, and appealed with their customary conviction, but the willow proved equal to the task each time a man walked to the crease. Even a moderate knock keeps the Club's rolls unchanged, and so it has proved this week — the ducks, it seems, took wing before the season's hunters could get near them. One trusts this is merely a lull, and not a sign that the art of not scoring is falling out of fashion at Linton Park. The exclusive zero club keeps its doors open regardless, its membership roll unaltered but its dignity, for once, undisturbed. Week in Summary - Matches played: 2 - Ducks recorded: 0 - A rare week indeed — the Club's chroniclers found themselves with nothing to chronicle, which is, in its own quiet way, a triumph through adversity for the batting order Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - a- Gardener — 2 innings, 2 ducks, a sobering 100%, the season's most committed hunter of noughts - W Bunting — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67%, breathing hard down Gardener's neck - A S Day — 7 innings, 2 ducks, 28.57%, proof that a longer run of innings can still find its way to grief twice over - E- Humphreys — 1 innings, 1 duck, a perfect and undiluted 100% from a solitary visit to the crease - D Sells — 4 innings, 1 duck, 25%, the picture of a steadier, if occasionally interrupted, season A quiet week, then, for the Duck Club's records, though members will know better than to take comfort in it. The season is far from over, and Linton Park's bowlers will doubtless be back at their trade come the next fixture, hunting fresh additions to the honours board with their usual patience. Until then, the eleven may enjoy a rare week free of ignominy — and the Club looks forward to reporting the inevitable correction in due course.

A quiet week for the exclusive zero club, the eleven's most enduring and dubious institution, but two gentlemen still found their way back to the pavilion before troubling the scorer. 1st XI Against the George Fenner XI at home on the Sunday, the 1st XI offered up a pair of victims to the same bowler, Mr J Jerman, who evidently found the home dressing room's timber to his liking. - A S Day, at number six, was bowled by J Jerman for a duck's egg — his second of the summer of 1944, and the second entry on a career sheet that now reads two ducks in six visits to the crease, good enough, in this parish, for 47th of 539 on the club's all-time roll of shame. He draws level on career ducks with one Arthur Ash, who plied his own trade between 1934 and 1941 and sits, fittingly, one place below him at 48th — kindred spirits of the straight bat gone wrong. - Two places further down the order, Gordon Fenner followed his teammate back with the identical dismissal, bowled J Jerman, for his first duck of the season and the fourth of a career now standing at thirty innings. That places him a very respectable 23rd of 539 on the all-time table — a position he shares, career-duck for career-duck, with the noted Bert Buckoke of 1928 to 1941, who claimed the Duck of the Year honour in his debut season and now finds Fenner drawing level with him at four apiece. It might be observed, purely as a matter of family interest, that Gordon's own brother Joe carries three ducks of his own upon the club's books — evidently a household not unacquainted with the art of not scoring. The Week in Brief Two matches, two ducks, one bowler doing rather more than his fair share of the damage — Mr Jerman may consider himself an honorary and unpaid officer of this club after such an afternoon's work. No pairs, no king pairs, and no family gatherings at the crease this week, so the honours boards may rest easy a little longer. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard The season's front-runners in the sport of not troubling the scorers, to date: - a- Gardener — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - W Bunting — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67% - A S Day — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% - E- Humphreys — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - D Sells — 4 innings, 1 duck, 25% A- Gardener continues to bat, or rather not bat, with a consistency of a very particular kind, and remains this season's most reliable supplier to the club's coffers. The eleven takes the field again shortly, and the club has every confidence that the batting order will continue its generous patronage of this most singular of honours. Until then, gentlemen — mind the straight ones.

A modest afternoon's harvest against the Home Guard's Royal West Kent 11th Battalion, but the exclusive zero club does not require a bumper crop to hold its ceremony. Two names are inscribed below. 1st XI - Jimmy Jameson, at number six, was bowled by L Wynn and made the long walk back to the pavilion for his season's first duck's egg — the third of a career now running to twenty-three innings, and good enough for 40th place on the club's all-time roll of the dismissed. He joins the venerable A Kent, Duck of the Year as long ago as 1893, on exactly three career ducks apiece — separated by half a century, united by nought. - W Bunting, sent in at nine, offered a catch to the same L Wynn off the bowling of Private Wilson, and departed for his second duck of the summer — his fifth in twenty innings, a tally that plants him 15th on the club's honours board of futility. He draws level on five with Allan Peach, whose own five ducks were compiled between 1903 and 1907, proof that the art of not scoring is no respecter of the calendar. Honourable mention to L Wynn, who had a hand — bowling one man, catching the other — in both misfortunes of the day. A sticky wicket for the home side's middle and lower order alike, though the Home Guard's XI will no doubt call it a straight bat well applied at the other end. Week in summary One match, two ducks, both in the same innings against the same attack, and both, in some fashion, at the mercy of the same fielder. A quiet week by the club's usual standards, but a quiet week is still a week the ducks came home to roost. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. W Bunting — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% 2. a- Gardener — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% 3. E- Humphreys — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 4. D Sells — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% 5. Jimmy Jameson — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% The eleven take the field again before long, and the club's scorers stand ready with pen poised. Should any batsman fancy his chances of joining this week's honourees, he is warmly, if mischievously, encouraged to try.

Being a true and faithful record of the weekend of the 19th and 20th of August, 1944 A quiet weekend for the collectors of noughts, but a quiet weekend is never a barren one, and the Eleven's ledger gains two fresh entries this Saturday and Sunday — one near the top of the order, one nearer the tail. 1st XI - Herbert Rayner, Saturday the 19th against R.A. Training Wing Wrotham, batting at four, held safely by McCulloch off the bowling of Emms and sent back to the pavilion without troubling the scorers. A first duck of the season for Rayner, and the fifth of a career now stretching to four and fifty innings, which places him twelfth of the five hundred and thirty-six names the club has ever welcomed into its dubious fellowship. He keeps distinguished company on that mark — one Allan Peach, who turned out for the club between 1903 and 1907, arrived at the identical tally of five in a rather brisker eleven innings. - W Bunting, Sunday the 20th against KCC Maidstone, batting at nine and clean bowled by Benger, done for nought on a wicket that gave him no quarter. A first duck of the campaign and the fourth of a career of nineteen innings, good enough, or ill enough, for twenty-fifth of the five hundred and thirty-six. A pleasing coincidence of the calendar attends him — on this very day in 1892, two and fifty years past, one G Knight likewise trudged home for nought, against Town Malling CC. A modest weekend by the club's usual standards of catastrophe: one duck at four, one at nine, top order and tail alike finding a sticky patch. Two matches played, two eggs laid, no pairs and no family gatherings in the book this time — the honours board must wait for livelier days. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - a- Gardener — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - E- Humphreys — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - W Bunting — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - A S Day — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% - D Sells — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% The season's front-runners remain a formidable pair of perfectionists, and the field is not far behind them. Members are reminded that the wicket offers no favours to anyone, batsman or eleven alike, and the club looks forward, as ever, with keen anticipation to the next fixture's fresh contributions to the register.

A single fixture at home to the National Fire Service Overseas Contingent, and the eleven did not emerge from it unscathed from the gentle art of not scoring. Two of our number were called upon to make the short, familiar walk back to the pavilion. 1st XI D Sells, sent in at number seven, was bowled by Buxton for a duck's egg — his sixth in a career now spanning twelve innings, and the seventh name on the club's all-time roll of 534. Sells is no stranger to this particular parade ground, being a titled holder of Duck of the Year for 1943 and a paid-up member of the rare Ducks in a Row board, four consecutive noughts to his name — a run of misfortune that a lesser man might resent and that Sells appears, by now, to have made rather his own. He stands level on career ducks with F Danells, who compiled his own half-dozen across eighteen innings between 1881 and 1904 — good company for a bad habit, separated by sixty years and united by nought. At number ten came a- Gardener, undone by MacIldowie without troubling the scorers, his second duck of the season and second in a slender five-innings career — a striking rate of failure that places him 83rd on the all-time list, though with 1944 barely half run he must already be reckoned a serious contender for this year's Duck of the Year. He draws level on career ducks with Arthur Ash, who managed the same modest tally in fourteen innings between 1934 and 1941. In summary A single match, a single innings apiece for the unfortunate two, and two entries duly logged in the book of dubious distinction. The middle order held reasonably firm; it was the tail, once again, that wagged its way straight back to the pavilion. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - a- Gardener — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% - E- Humphreys — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - A S Day — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% - D Sells — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% The eleven take the field again before the week is out, and the Duck Club's scorers stand ready with pencils sharpened for whatever fresh triumphs of adversity may follow. Members are warmly invited to add their names to the list — the exclusive zero club welcomes all comers, provided they arrive with nothing to show for it.

A modest gathering this week, but the 1st Eleven contrived three fresh entries to the Zero Club against the National Fire Service Overseas Contingent, and the honours board has taken due note. 1st XI Opening the innings and, alas, opening the book of misfortune too, E- Humphreys was bowled by MacIldowie without troubling the scorer — a duck's egg to lead off proceedings. It is his 1st duck of the season and the 122nd of 532 in the club's long and distinguished record of failure, drawn from a career of seventeen innings that has evidently seen sunnier afternoons. Curiously, this very date in 1882 saw no fewer than four different gentlemen fall to a duck against 1st Innings Boxley CC — Humphreys keeps company across the decades with W H Fryer, whose own six ducks earned him ninth place in the all-time table. At number six, A S Day marked his first appearance for the club in the manner the club best appreciates — with a duck on debut. Bowled by the same relentless MacIldowie, he becomes the 95th name of 532 upon the roll, and joins the exclusive company of A S Smith, who once claimed the Duck of the Year honour in 1934 on precisely the same tally of one. A gentle welcome to the fold, Mr Day — the eleven salutes a foundation stone well and truly laid. Down at number ten, a- Gardener was caught by S- Scott off the bowling of S- Hill, adding his own modest contribution to the afternoon's proceedings. This is his 1st duck of the season, his 1st in a career of four innings, and sits him at 215th of 532 all time — though he may take some quiet pride in already holding the Duck of the Year 1944 board, a standing honour for a season not yet concluded. Like his fellow duckers, he finds himself keeping historical company with the Boxley CC quartet of 1882. The Week in Summary Three ducks from a single fixture, all falling to the Fire Service bowlers, and all from the home eleven — a sticky wicket indeed against the Overseas Contingent. No pairs, no families of ducks, and mercifully no king pairs this week, though with A S Day's arrival the club's rolls grow ever longer. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - A S Day — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% - E- Humphreys — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% - a- Gardener — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100.0% A tight field at the top this season, gentlemen, with the entire leaderboard playing a perfect if unwanted average. The eleven takes the field again shortly, and the Duck Club awaits its next candidates with the patience of a mid-off. Until then — mind your straight bat, and beware the sticky wicket.