🦆 The Duck Pond

🏏 A quiet week at the crease, and no cause for the Duck Club's registrar to sharpen his pen — for the first time in some while, not a single member of the eleven was dismissed for nought this Sunday. The ball found the middle of the bat with unusual regularity, and the zero club's doors, though never locked, stood unopened. Whether this reflects a sudden and alarming outbreak of competence, or merely that the bowling was having an off day of its own, the Gazette will not speculate. The exclusive zero club will no doubt reconvene in short order — it always does — but for this one week, the art of not scoring was itself not practised, and the honours board rests undisturbed. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Frank Sutton — 3 innings, 2 ducks (66.7%) — a man clearly finding the walk back to the pavilion a well-worn path this season - Bert Pierce — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - K Vince — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - L Ricketts — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - N Young — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) A perfect record of imperfection from four of our five leaders, and Frank Sutton setting the pace for consistency of a very particular kind. The season's egg-count stands ready to grow the moment anyone obliges. Roll on the next fixture, gentlemen — the wicket will not defend itself forever, and the Duck Club's ledger, though blank this week, is rarely kept waiting long. Do come and add to it.

A chastening afternoon at Gore Court, where the 1st XI's card was inked no fewer than five times with the duck's egg, and the home attack took what can only be called a proprietary interest in the business. 1st XI, away to Gore Court CC Bert Pierce, in at four, played on to Brian French — his first duck of the season and the second of an eleven-innings career, good enough for 53rd of the 559 names on the all-time roll. Pierce carries the Retirement Duck honour on his card, a distinction we trust describes some distant future rather than this one. On this very day in 1906, a certain R W Mitchell suffered likewise against the Royal West Kent Regiment's Officers XI — kindred spirits forty years apart. Frank Sutton, at six, was leg-before to Jack Whibley Jnr for his second duck of the season and a formidable fourteenth of his career, a mark that stands him alone atop the all-time table, first of all 559. A twice-crowned Duck of the Year, 1940 and now 1946 besides, Sutton wears his nought with the quiet authority of a man who has made a study of it. Mitchell's 1906 shade walked with him too. Bert Buckoke followed at seven, bowled by the same Whibley, for a fifth career duck and thirteenth of 559 — himself a Duck of the Year, 1928 vintage, and evidently still game for the honour. Mitchell, 1906, once more for company. At eight, N Young opened his innings account, such as it was, with a debut duck — bowled by Whibley for the third time that innings, and straight in at 178th of 559. A first taste of the club's particular hospitality, and, as it happens, on the same calendar date Mitchell once knew in 1906. Stuart Thirkell, in at nine, was bowled by Alec E Allsworth for a debut duck of his own, taking 197th place of 559 — two new members inducted in the one innings, a rare and generous double for the membership secretary. Mitchell's 1906 duck falls on this same date yet again. The week in summary Five ducks from one match is a harvest by any reckoning, and three of them fell to Whibley's bowling alone — the man might fairly be issued honorary membership himself. Two debuts, one duck's-egg apiece, and the eleven's lower order left looking distinctly threadbare by the close. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Frank Sutton — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67% - Bert Pierce — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - K Vince — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - L Ricketts — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - N Young — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% The season's roll of dishonour stands ready for further entries, and the next fixture will doubtless oblige. Members are warmly invited to attend, bat bravely, and add to the count regardless.

A single fixture was played out this week, and — remarkably — not a soul among either eleven could be persuaded into the pavilion for nought. The duck, it seems, took one look at the wicket and flew elsewhere in search of easier prey. A quiet week, then, for the exclusive zero club, and a rare one: even the most devoted student of the art of not scoring must occasionally concede that batsmen will insist on troubling the scorers. We shall not pretend this is anything but an anticlimax. The committee notes it all the same, in the spirit of honest record-keeping, and looks forward with quiet confidence to sterner tests of technique in the matches ahead. A straight bat was evidently the order of the day — long may it last, though we shan't be holding our breath. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - K Vince — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - L Ricketts — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Frank Sutton — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% Early days yet in the 1946 season, and the table above is more a roll of honour-in-waiting than a settled order. Messrs Vince and Ricketts have each surrendered their wicket at the very first time of asking, a perfect record of the wrong sort, while Sutton at least has shown the tail can wag before it doesn't. The eleven return to the field next week, and the committee holds out every hope that some unfortunate soul will restore the natural order of things. Members are reminded that the zero club welcomes all comers, regardless of reputation, and that the surest route to its dubious distinction is simply to keep turning out. Until then — mind the sticky wickets, and good luck out there.

A single fixture, a home affair against Gore Court CC, and three names added to the roll of dubious distinction. 1st XI - L Ricketts (No. 2), bowled Alec E Allsworth. A first duck of the summer for Ricketts, his third in a career now standing at thirteen innings, which plants him 42nd of 555 in the club's long and undistinguished ledger. On this very date in 1903, the Reverend W A Carr suffered precisely the same fate against Maidstone — proof, if proof were needed, that the art of not scoring respects no calendar. - Frank Sutton (No. 10), bowled J L Monk. Sutton needs no introduction to readers of this gazette, sitting as he does atop the all-time table — first of 555 — and reigning Duck of the Year both in 1940 and again this very season of 1946. His thirteenth career nought, from fifty-three innings, arrived with the tail already wagging rather feebly. By curious coincidence, on this same day in 1941 one Arthur Ash was despatched for nought against the splendidly named Home Guard's "Bungs Mob" — a fixture one imagines was not conducted with excessive solemnity. - K Vince (No. 11), lbw George W Farmer. A debut innings, and what an inheritance to begin one's career upon — nought, ranking him already 167th of 555 in a club that has been keeping this particular score since the last century. He may take some comfort, or none at all, in knowing that on this exact day in 1940 his own teammate Frank Sutton — the very gentleman dismissed two places above him in this report — first set down the foundations of the record he now so comfortably leads. Vince has a long road, and evidently a willing bowling attack, ahead of him. The week in brief One match, three ducks, and the tail bearing the brunt of it — Nos. 10 and 11 both walking back without so much as a run to their name. A sticky wicket for the lower order, though the eleven will doubtless take the view that these things even themselves out over a season. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Frank Sutton — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - K Vince — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - L Ricketts — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Early days yet, and the season's table is level all round — a state of affairs the committee fully expects will not last. The Club extends its warm and slightly mischievous welcome to whichever gentlemen the next fixture sees fit to add to these pages.

A single fixture was played this week upon the LPCC square, and it grieves your correspondent to report that the eleven, to a man, declined the honour of the nought. Bat after bat found the middle, however humbly, and not one soul was required to make that shortest and most mortifying of walks back to the pavilion first ball or otherwise. The exclusive zero club, so jealously guarded a place of dubious distinction, gained not a single new subscriber this week, nor did any established member add to his tally. It is, we confess, an unusual state of affairs for a report that generally thrives on other men's misfortune. The art of not scoring was, this week, left entirely unpractised. Whether this speaks to a sudden and suspicious outbreak of application at the crease, or merely a sticky wicket that favoured caution over adventure, we cannot say. Your correspondent notes only that a straight bat, however dull to watch, is a poor friend to this column. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard The season's honours board stands, for the moment, unmarked and unclaimed — no ducks have yet been laid at LPCC in 1946 to trouble the standings. A quiet start indeed, and one that cannot, in the nature of these things, be expected to last. The tail, as ever, waits in the long grass. Looking Ahead Members are reminded that consistency of this particular kind rarely survives contact with a fresh fixture, and the club extends its usual warm invitation to next Saturday's eleven to put matters right. The ducks, we are confident, are merely resting — and your correspondent stands ready, pen in hand, for their inevitable return to the square.