🦆 The Duck Pond

A rare and troubling week for the exclusive zero club: three fixtures played, and not a single soul obliged us with a nought. The Duck Club convenes this week not to celebrate but to lament — the art of not scoring was, apparently, put entirely on hold. Somewhere across three separate scorecards, batsmen up and down the order simply insisted on scoring runs. Selfish stuff. Whether this was defiance, incompetence at the crease avoided by sheer luck, or a temporary conspiracy of good form, the Duck Club cannot say. What we can say is that the honours board gathers dust this week, the pen stays capped, and the club's most dedicated servants will simply have to try harder next time out. Let it be known: a blank week is not a dead week. The ducks are merely regrouping. 🍩 📊 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard Even in a week of drought, the season standings remain a monument to consistency of a very particular kind: 1. Stuart Cheesman — 7 ducks, 22 innings, 31.82% 2. Piers McDonald — 6 ducks, 33 innings, 18.18% 3. Ian Brattle — 4 ducks, 10 innings, a startling 40.00% 4. Matt Large — 4 ducks, 25 innings, 16.00% 5. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks, 10 innings, 30.00% Stuart Cheesman continues to lead the race for Duck of the Year with an admirable strike rate of failure, though Ian Brattle's 40% duck rate remains the week's most alarming statistic — four dismissals in just ten trips to the crease is triumph through adversity of the highest order. Piers McDonald, meanwhile, plays the long game, quietly accumulating his six across a much broader innings count. 🏏 Looking ahead With the season drawing towards its close, there is still time and opportunity for the leaderboard to shuffle. History shows the ducks are never far away — they were simply on their own fixture this week, elsewhere, minding their business. Bats up, guards taken, standards (low) upheld. We watch. We wait. We celebrate — next week, hopefully, with actual ducks to report. 🦆 0️⃣

Two fixtures, three fallen batsmen, and the 1994 season edging towards its close. The exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees. 1st XI v West Farleigh CC Clive Newman opened the innings and opened the club's account for the day too, caught Ed DeLucy off Glen Aukett for nought. It's his 1st duck of the campaign and 3rd of a career now 81 innings deep, sliding him to 168th of 1201 in the all-time roll of dishonour. Neat historical footnote: on this very date in 1972, club great John Thirkell also went for a duck, against Mersham Hatch — Thirkell finished his 1943–1977 career with a barely comprehensible 90 ducks, still the outright all-time No.1. Good company to be keeping. 2nd XI v Rainham (Kent) CC Paul Leandro didn't last long either, stumped by Steve Cooper off Paul Loader — his 1st duck of the season and, in fact, the 1st of his career, from only 3 innings (491st all-time). Fittingly, he too shares his date with Thirkell's 1972 effort against Mersham Hatch — some anniversaries are best not celebrated twice. Further down the order, No.9 R Waite made his senior debut and marked it in the only way the club truly respects: caught Stewart Macfarlane off Mick Pay, first innings, nought to his name. That's an instant and entirely involuntary induction onto the Debutante Duck board — a duck on debut is rare enough to be worth a proper nod, even as baptisms of fire go. He too arrives on the same 1972 date that saw Thirkell add to his ledger — quite the calendar to share a page with. Week in summary Three ducks from two matches — a modest haul by Linton's exacting standards, but the art of not scoring never truly rests. A debutant claimed straight off the bat is always the headline when it happens. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Stuart Cheesman — 7 ducks, 21 innings (33.33%) 2. Piers McDonald — 6 ducks, 31 innings (19.35%) 3. Ian Brattle — 4 ducks, 10 innings (40.0%) 4. Matt Large — 4 ducks, 24 innings (16.67%) 5. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks, 10 innings (30.0%) Cheesman sits comfortably at the summit, though Brattle's 40% failure rate remains the most terrifying number in the club this week. Plenty of season left, plenty of batsmen yet to make their uninvited contribution. Same time next match — bring your bat, and perhaps leave your footwork at home. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A quiet weekend for the hunting fraternity — two fixtures on the go, but the ducks mostly kept their heads down. Still, one name stepped up to keep the honours board ticking over. Saturday 10th September 1st XI away at High Halstow CC — Stewart Morrison opened the innings and departed early, caught Tim Munday, bowled Chris Dockwray. It's his 2nd duck of the season and his 14th for the club overall, nestling him in at 55th of 1199 in the all-time standings from 117 innings — a rate that keeps him firmly inside the exclusive zero club rather than merely visiting it. Stewart is, of course, a long-standing paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his Linton account with a nought many summers ago — proof that some traditions are for life, not just for Christmas. He also lurks in the Full House nearly-man registry, having now ducked from 10 of the 11 batting positions (somewhere there is one lonely, untroubled slot still waiting its turn), and sits comfortably inside the Lone Duck top 10 for good measure. A chip off the old block, too — brother Phillip Morrison carries 2 career ducks of his own, so the surname is not unfamiliar to this particular honours board. Splendidly, on this very day back in 1955, John --'s Taylor also strolled back for nought, against Old Roffensians no less — the fixture's changed, the calendar hasn't. Taylor went on to finish his 1949–1963 career with 15 ducks, good for 51st all-time, so Stewart is in decent historical company on the walk back to the pavilion. Sunday 11th September The second fixture of the weekend passed off without incident — every batsman got off the mark, a rare and faintly suspicious outbreak of competence. Week in Summary One duck from two matches — not the club's most productive weekend on record, but the art of not scoring never truly rests. Consistency of a very particular kind continues elsewhere in the top of the table. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Stuart Cheesman — 7 ducks, 20 innings (35%) - Piers McDonald — 6 ducks, 31 innings (19.35%) - Ian Brattle — 4 ducks, 10 innings (40%) - Matt Large — 4 ducks, 24 innings (16.67%) - Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks, 10 innings (30%) Ian Brattle's 40% remains the season's most alarming statistic, and Stuart Cheesman still leads the chase for glory — or ignominy, depending on your view. Next round of fixtures awaits, and with them, no doubt, fresh additions to the register. The ducks evaded the net this week, but they never stay hidden for long. 🍩🏏

Sunday 4th September One lone fixture out at Linton Park this week, and — brace yourselves — the ducks simply refused to show up. Eleven batsmen, one solitary match, and not a single nought to log in the annals. A vegan affair from start to finish, as they say in these pages, with the Duck Club's ledger left untouched for the first time in a while. Whether this counts as a triumph of application or merely a quiet Sunday for the bowlers is, as ever, a matter of perspective. The exclusive zero club gained no new members this week — a rare mercy for all concerned, and frankly a bit of an anticlimax for your correspondent, who had the quill primed and ready. Still, the season is young yet and complacency has undone finer players than these. Rest assured the ducks are merely regrouping. 📊 Week in Summary - Matches played: 1 - Ducks recorded: 0 - Vibes: suspiciously wholesome 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 7 ducks in 20 innings (35.0%) — comfortably out in front and showing no sign of reforming 2. Piers McDonald — 6 ducks in 30 innings (20.0%) — the volume merchant, quietly accumulating 3. Ian Brattle — 4 ducks in 9 innings (44.44%) — the most efficient collector in the field by some distance, a nought very nearly every other trip to the crease 4. Matt Large — 4 ducks in 24 innings (16.67%) — level on ducks with Brattle but working rather harder for them 5. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks in 10 innings (30.0%) — an outside chance yet, plenty of season left Ian Brattle's strike rate for failure remains the standout statistic of the summer — 44% of his innings ending before they've begun is the sort of consistency the club exists to honour. 🦆 Next up The naughty nought took the week off, but the Duck Club never sleeps for long. Next fixture, someone's getting a walk back to the pavilion before the scoreboard's even ticked over — get your money on it now. Same duck time, same duck channel.

Seven fresh entries to the ledger of shame this week, spread across six fixtures against Southfleet, Bearsted, Sheldwich and the touring party's adventures in Cornwall. The exclusive zero club welcomes its usual mix of the seasoned and the merely unlucky. 🏏 1st XI At home to Southfleet, Stewart Morrison fell for nought at first drop, bowled by I Hayes, his 1st of the season and 13th career duck — a place of dubious distinction he shares with a proper Full House nearly-man board entry to his name, having ducked at ten of the eleven positions going. On this very day in 1993, Piers McDonald was doing exactly the same thing against Sheldwich, a coincidence the calendar seems rather fond of. Adam Pooley followed him back not long after, caught behind for his 2nd career duck in just 7 innings — a Duck Club apprentice still finding his feet, or rather, not finding the middle of the bat. Away at Bearsted, the top order took a proper hammering. Mike Caddick edged behind at number two for his 3rd duck of the season and 3rd of his career — three from forty, and off the mark for the summer's own private hat-trick of noughts. And in walked Piers McDonald again, this time for real, caught at slip for his 6th duck of the season and 25th of his career, comfortably installed in the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens. Both men shared the honour of matching Stan Wratten, who managed the same feat against D Hambrook XI on this day in 1954 — a name from four decades back nodding in grim solidarity. 🔥 2nd XI Away at Sheldwich, Chris Tymms was bowled by Tony Marsh at number nine, his 2nd of the season and 5th career duck — level, by pure coincidence of arithmetic, with Adrian Simmonds, a Debutante Duck and Quack-to-Quack club member from 1985–1990. On this day in 1983, Mike Elworthy was likewise dismissed against British Rail Ashford, proving the fixture list has always had it in for somebody. ✈️ Tour XI — Cornwall Campaign The touring party did not escape unscathed. At Falmouth, Alan Boyns was caught off P Thomas for his 2nd duck of the season and 15th career duck, a Diamond Duck club member since 1990 (out without facing a ball, no less) and now level on 15 with both John --'s Taylor (1949–1960) and Martin Mears. Tim Thirkell, the club's own all-time leader, was doing precisely the same thing against Whitstable on this day back in 1973. Then at Mullion, Steve Cheesman was caught and bowled by James Roue for his 2nd of the season and 12th career duck — joining a rather crowded table of Jack Fryer, Len Conway, Martin Larkin and Michael Chambers, all sitting on exactly a dozen. A chip off two old blocks, too: his father Fred owns 29 career ducks and brother Stuart 11, so the Cheesman name is thoroughly paid up at the club. Fittingly, the great Paul Bowles — the club's own 50-duck man — made his own duck against Bearsted on this same 2 September back in 1968. 📊 Week in Summary Seven ducks, six matches, one touring side determined to prove that ignominy travels well. No golden ducks and no pairs this week — everyone at least survived a ball or two before departing, which by Duck Club standards counts as restraint. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 7 ducks, 19 innings, 36.84% 2. Piers McDonald — 6 ducks, 30 innings, 20.0% 3. Ian Brattle — 4 ducks, 9 innings, 44.44% 4. Matt Large — 4 ducks, 23 innings, 17.39% 5. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks, 9 innings, 33.33% Ian Brattle's 44% strike rate remains the number to beat, though Stuart Cheesman's volume keeps him top of the table for now. 🍩 The season presses on, and with it the eternal question — who fancies adding their name to the honours board next weekend? The nets, and the bowlers, await. 0️⃣🦆

Four matches played across the week and the exclusive zero club kept its books admirably lean — just two new entries, though both from thoroughly seasoned campaigners. 🏏 Sunday, 1st XI v Old Anchorians CC Matt Large departed for nought at four in the order, bowled by Lycett. It's the 4th duck of Matt's season and the 44th of an extraordinary Linton career spanning 200 innings — enough to hold 9th place in the all-time rankings, a spot earned through the art of not scoring practised at the very highest level. Matt's honours cabinet is already groaning: five separate Duck of the Year titles (1987, 1988, 1989, 1992 and 1993), permanent residence in both the Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, a fixture of the Ducks on the Road list, and a nearly-man entry for having ducked in ten of the eleven batting positions — position four keeps him agonisingly short of Full House immortality. On this very date back in 1955, John Ames — 49 ducks across a quarter-century at the club (1952–1978) — was also trudging back to the pavilion, against Halfway House. Some traditions run deep. 🔥 Wednesday, Midweek XI v Coleshill CC, Warks Ian Brattle edged behind at number eight, caught Brian Piper, bowled M Hoefield, for his 4th duck of the campaign and 32nd of his career overall — good enough for 20th on the all-time list from a mere 97 innings, consistency of a very particular kind. Ian is a paid-up member of the 50 Before a 50 club and once strung together seven ducks in a row, a run of triumph through adversity if ever there was one. His brother Paul isn't far behind either, quietly assembling 26 career noughts of his own — evidently the trait runs in the blood. Back in 1968, Benny Bell made his own duck on this same calendar date against Aylesford Paper Mills CC, part of a career tally of 30 that still holds him at 22nd overall. 📊 The Week in Brief Just two ducks from four matches — a decidedly restrained showing by the standards of this column, though notably both fell to grizzled veterans padding out already formidable tallies rather than any fresh blood. The honours boards did the moving this week, not the debutantes' column. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 7 ducks from 16 innings (43.75%) 2. Piers McDonald — 5 ducks from 27 innings (18.52%) 3. Ian Brattle — 4 ducks from 9 innings (44.44%) 4. Matt Large — 4 ducks from 20 innings (20.00%) 5. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks from 7 innings (42.86%) Stuart Cheesman sits well clear at the summit, but with the season heading into its final stretch there's still time for the chasing pack to make their move. Same invitation stands for the next fixture — pads on, bat first, ask questions later. 🦆0️⃣

Five ducks hatched across two fixtures this week, with the Midweek XI doing the heavy lifting on a blustery Wednesday at Gravesend. 🏏 Saturday 13 August — 1st XI v Harrietsham CC (home) Paul Gibson departed for nought, caught Brooks bowled Fittall at number two — his 2nd duck of the campaign and 22nd of an increasingly distinguished career, good enough for 39th on the all-time list of 1197. Paul remains a paid-up member of the Platinum Duck club from his golden effort back in '91, though this one took its time arriving by comparison. Fittingly, on this very day in 1960, one Pat Hardwick was also trudging back against Bowaters CC, en route to 8 career ducks and a Duck of the Year gong that season — Paul's tally has long since sailed past him. Keith Hatcher followed not long after, stumped Southern bowled Chaney at six — his first duck of the season and only his 3rd in 142 innings, evidently not a man who makes a habit of it. Keith shares his moment in history with the same Pat Hardwick, 34 years to the day earlier against Bowaters. 🌱 Wednesday 17 August — Midweek XI v Gravesend CC (away) Three ducks for the price of one at Gravesend. Piers McDonald opened and closed almost as quickly, bowled Glazebrook without scoring — his 5th of the season and 24th of a career now 217 innings deep, comfortably inside the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens. On this day in 1969, Percy Brattle was suffering identically against Mote A, en route to a Duck of the Year title and 16 career ducks of his own. Stuart Cheesman kept his extraordinary season rolling, stumped Mann bowled Hasler for his 7th duck in just 15 innings — a barely believable 46.67% strike rate that keeps him clear atop the current Duck Hunting Season standings, and squarely justifies his Duck of the Year 1994 silverware to date. A Full House man and Debutante Duck alumnus besides, Stuart comes from proper duck stock — brother Steve carries 11 career ducks, father Fred a formidable 29. Like his teammates, he shared his moment with Percy Brattle, 25 years to the day earlier. Ian Brattle rounded things off, bowled Elliott for his 3rd of the season and 31st for the club, keeping him at a lofty 21st on the all-time chart. A veteran of the Ducks in a Row and 50 Before a 50 clubs, Ian too found company with Percy Brattle's 1969 effort against Mote A — no relation, but a fine name to share a duck with regardless. 📊 Week in Summary Five ducks from four fixtures — a quiet one for the 2s, 3s and 4s, who escaped unscathed, but the Midweek boys made sure the tally kept climbing. Gravesend alone accounted for three of the five, a rate that will not have gone unnoticed in the away dressing room. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 7 ducks, 15 innings (46.67%) 2. Piers McDonald — 5 ducks, 24 innings (20.83%) 3. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks, 7 innings (42.86%) 4. Ian Brattle — 3 ducks, 8 innings (37.5%) 5. Trevor Back — 3 ducks, 13 innings (23.08%) Stuart Cheesman sits well clear at the top, but with Simon Thirkell's rate close behind, the race for Duck of the Year 1994 is far from settled. Next fixture, someone new earns the chance to join the club — see you at the crease. 🦆0️⃣

Three fixtures out on the county's finest squares this weekend, and the exclusive zero club welcomed four new entries to its rolls. A brisk, tidy weekend's work — nothing showy, just the art of not scoring, executed to a high standard. 🏏 1st XI at Headcorn CC Piers McDonald came in at four and departed via the increasingly fashionable route of c Simon Phipps b Graham Mackman — his 4th duck of the season and 23rd of a distinguished career, good enough for 36th on the all-time list of 1,197. A fixture of both the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, Piers barely broke stride. On this very day in 1989, Dave Charlton was doing much the same against Chadwell Thors Oak CC — of which more shortly. At nine, Chris Gray fell b Ali Lee for his 2nd duck of the season and, remarkably, his 2nd in only 5 career innings — a strike rate that suggests either terrible luck or a genuine gift for it. Same 1989-vintage parallel: Dave Charlton, out on this day against Chadwell Thors Oak CC. And bringing up the rear at eleven, Ian Brattle went b Peter Smith for his 2nd of the season and 30th of his career, 95 innings in, rank 22 of 1,197 — a proper club stalwart. Ian is paid-up in the 50 Before a 50 club (51 ducks, high score 33), a graduate of Ducks in a Row (7 consecutive), a card-carrying member of the Debutante Duck club from way back, and shares Only Two Quacks honours with Michael Beeney. His sibling Paul isn't far behind on 26 career ducks — clearly a family gift for the nought. Same day, same parallel: Dave Charlton, 1989. 🏏 2nd XI vs Bearsted CC Home advantage counted for nothing as Dave Charlton — yes, him, the very man three Headcorn ducks were just measured against — fell b Robin Cross for his own 1st duck of the season, and 16th of his career (113 innings, rank 47 of 1,197). A tidy bit of symmetry: on this same day in 1989, Peter Whyte was doing the same against Chadwell Thors Oak CC. Dave's sibling Sean carries 4 career ducks of his own — the family colours well and truly flying. 📋 Week in Summary Four ducks from two of the weekend's three fixtures — the third match kept its powder dry and let everyone off the hook. Headcorn did the early damage with three, Bearsted's home comforts accounted for one more. A quietly effective weekend for the collectors. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 6 ducks, 13 innings, 46.15% 2. Piers McDonald — 4 ducks, 21 innings, 19.05% 3. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks, 7 innings, 42.86% 4. Trevor Back — 3 ducks, 13 innings, 23.08% 5. Adrian Caddick — 3 ducks, 15 innings, 20.0% Stuart Cheesman sits imperious atop the table with an almost artistic 46% conversion rate. Can anyone catch him before season's end? 🍩 Next fixture awaits — same bats, same bowlers, same beautifully empty scorebooks. See you there.

2nd XI v Southborough CC, 30 July — home soil, and the hosts served up a hat-trick of hospitality to the visiting bowlers. Steve Cheesman fell first, caught Peter Young off Ian Pilbeam at number four, his 1st duck of the season and 11th of a growing career, now 71st in the all-time table. A tidy little duck dynasty this — his brother Stuart Cheesman carries 10 of his own, and is currently top of this season's leaderboard, so the sibling rivalry is very much alive. On this day in 1989, Nigel Thirkell also strolled back for nought against The Mote CC — he'd go on to finish with 49, good for 7th all-time. Phil Hobbs then got to work, first removing Trevor Back for his 3rd duck of the summer and 40th of a storied career — 12th on the all-time list, and a fully paid-up member of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens. Like Steve, he keeps historical company with Nigel Thirkell's 1989 vintage against The Mote. Hobbs' second victim was Simon Thirkell, bowled for his 3rd of the season and 33rd overall, 19th all-time and a nearly-man of the 50 Before a 50 club on 59 ducks against a highest score of 48. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1989 it was his own brother Nigel who made a duck against The Mote CC — keeping the family business open, one calendar page apart. Midweek XI had their own business to attend to. At Cleethorpes on 1 August, Roly Edwards was caught and bowled his way to a maiden season duck and 3rd career nought, 198th all-time — a fledgling account still finding its feet. On this day in 1964, Basil Sears made a duck of his own against Headcorn CC, on his way to 33 for the club. Then at Bexley on 3 August, Richard Ellis went early again, caught Gary Joyce off Steve Rudduck for his 2nd duck of the season — remarkably his 2nd in just 3 career innings, a startling early strike rate. He's already a card-carrying member of the Debutante Duck and Quack-to-Quack clubs from an earlier occasion, so this one is very much a repeat offence rather than a first. On this day in 1952, Gordon Fenner also made a duck, en route to 34 for his career. Week in summary — 5 ducks from 5 matches, three of them crammed into one Southborough innings, with Phil Hobbs personally accounting for two. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Stuart Cheesman — 6 ducks, 13 innings, 46.15% - Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks, 6 innings, 50.0% - Trevor Back — 3 ducks, 12 innings, 25.0% - Adrian Caddick — 3 ducks, 14 innings, 21.43% - Matt Large — 3 ducks, 16 innings, 18.75% Simon Thirkell's 50% strike rate keeps him nipping at Stuart Cheesman's heels — the summer's duck race is far from settled. Next fixture, more willing volunteers no doubt. See you at the crease 🏏🍩

A tidy little haul this week — four noughts across three fixtures, with the 1st XI doing most of the damage and Midweek XI chipping in for good measure. The exclusive zero club welcomes its latest inductees below. 🏏 Saturday 23rd — Hollingbourne CC (h) Paul Gibson, in at four, was snapped up c Kevin Phillips b Mike Donald — his first duck of the summer, and his 21st for the club in 287 innings, good enough for 39th on the all-time list. Paul is already a fixture on the Platinum Duck board from 1991 (out first ball of the game), proof that dismissal-by-first-delivery is very much the family trade. On this very day in 1960, Brian Relf was walking back for nought against Tovil too — he'd go on to 25 career ducks across a two-decade stint from 1950 to 1971. At the other end of the order, number 11 Ian Brattle was bowled by Alan Ovenden, also his season-opening duck, and his 29th overall from just 93 innings — 26th in the club's history of futility. Ian carries some serious silverware for a man who doesn't score: "50 Before a 50" (51 ducks against a top score of 33), a Debutante Duck (nought on debut), a startling "Ducks in a Row" of seven on the bounce, and "Only Two Quacks" shared with Michael Beeney. His sibling Paul Brattle isn't far behind on 26 career ducks of his own — clearly a family with an eye for the leave. Same date, same fate as Brian Relf above — 1960's Tovil vintage keeps good company. 🏏 Sunday 24th — The Mote CC (h) Piers McDonald, promoted to number two, edged Paul Longman off D Capeling for his third duck of the season, taking him to 22 career and 38th on the all-time roll of honour. Piers is a card-carrying member of both the Lone Duck top 10 and the Tourist Duck top 10 — a man who saves his best nothing for away grounds. On this day in 1989, Matt Large also fell without scoring, against Coleshill CC in Warwickshire — Matt would go on to a frankly obscene 43 career ducks, five Duck of the Year titles, and a place 9th on the all-time list. Good company to keep, Piers. 🌙 Friday 29th — Midweek XI v Heffle Cuckoos CC (h) Rob Doick, batting four, was bowled by Duncan Brown for his second duck of the campaign — his 13th career nought from 83 innings, 56th all-time. No boards to his name yet, but the ledger is open. Fittingly, on this same day back in 1989, Matt Large was at it again, this time against Hollingbourne CC — the man really did make a habit of late-July failure. 📋 Week in Brief Four ducks, three matches, and honestly the Duck Club would like to know what Hollingbourne and The Mote are putting in the tea — two ducks apiece against them this week. The 2nd and 3rd XIs, and Sunday's second fixture, escaped entirely unscathed. A quiet week for the truly spectacular, but a solid week for the reliably nought. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Stuart Cheesman — 6 ducks / 13 innings (46.15%) - Adrian Caddick — 3 ducks / 12 innings (25.00%) - Matt Large — 3 ducks / 16 innings (18.75%) - Piers McDonald — 3 ducks / 20 innings (15.00%) - Iain Cardew — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) Stuart Cheesman holds firm at the summit, but Iain Cardew's fearsome 66.67% strike rate suggests a challenger is warming up. Next fixture is never far away — get down, get watching, and may the zeros keep coming. 🍩0️⃣🦆

Three fixtures out this weekend, and the exclusive zero club welcomed exactly three new entries — all of them, as it happens, on the Saturday. Sunday's side batted clean through, dodging the account books entirely. 🏏 Saturday — Kennington CC, Kent (double header) 1st XI (home) Chris Gray, in at 7, was run out for nought, the mix-up left politely unattributed in the scorebook. It is his maiden season duck and his maiden career one too, arriving in just his 2nd innings — enough to tuck him in at 354th of 1197 in the all-time table. On this very calendar day back in 1960, Gordon Fenner (1941-1973, 34 ducks, 17th all time) was performing the identical trick against Rumwood CC. Some traditions run deeper than the outfield. 2nd XI (away) Mike Elworthy went bowled Jon Lancaster for his 2nd duck of the season and 16th of a long and increasingly distinguished career across 168 innings, good enough for 47th all time and a paid-up member of the Tourist Duck top 10 — a man who evidently saves his finest nothings for away soil. He shares his duck-date with the very same Gordon Fenner of 1960. Adrian Caddick departed caught Andy Young, bowled David Finch, for his 3rd duck of the season — his 6th in a mere 16 innings, a strike rate the club can only file under "consistency of a very particular kind." That moves him to 105th all time and, more pressingly, to outright 2nd in this season's Duck Hunting charts. 🍩 His sibling Mike Caddick already carries 2 career ducks of his own, so the eye for a gap may run in the family. Adrian, too, made his acquaintance with the departing crease on the same date Gordon Fenner did, 34 years earlier. 🌱 Sunday — a clean sheet The third fixture of the weekend passed off entirely duck-free. Every batsman got off the mark, which is either admirable application or, from where the Duck Club sits, a wasted opportunity. 📊 Week in Summary 3 matches, 3 ducks, all harvested from one busy afternoon at Kennington — proof that misfortune, like buses, prefers to arrive in threes. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 6 ducks / 12 innings (50%) 2. Adrian Caddick — 3 ducks / 10 innings (30%) 3. Matt Large — 3 ducks / 11 innings (27.27%) 4. Iain Cardew — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) 5. Simon Thirkell — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50%) Honourable mention to Iain Cardew, whose 66.67% strike rate towers over the field on too small a sample to trouble top spot — yet. 🏏 Until next weekend The season rolls on, and with it the ever-present promise of more naught to report. Get out there, get in close to the stumps, and may the umpire's finger find you all. See you next time, ducks. 0️⃣🦆

Horton Kirby CC proved a popular source of naught this weekend, doing damage to both ends of the club in one afternoon. A third fixture, mercifully or otherwise, kept its scorebook entirely fowl-free. Saturday 9th July — Away at Horton Kirby (1st XI) Mike Caddick set the tone at number two, run out without troubling the scorers for his 2nd duck of the season and 2nd of his career from 26 innings — 264th in the all-time table. His sibling Adrian sits on 5 career ducks, so the family clearly knows the way to the pavilion. On this very day in 1902, F E Wallis was doing much the same against Town Malling CC, a run that helped him on to Duck of the Year 1907. Down at number ten, Iain Cardew followed him back, lbw to Neil Pooley, for his 2nd duck of the season — and, remarkably, his 2nd in only 3 senior innings. A fully paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having ducked on his very first-ever outing, Iain now sits 245th all-time. Like Caddick, he shares his on-this-day namesake in F E Wallis, dismissed against Town Malling CC that same 9th of July, 1902. Saturday 9th July — Home to Horton Kirby (2nd XI) Simon Thirkell was the third and final name on the sheet, run out for his 2nd duck of the season, taking his career tally to a serious 32 from 127 innings — good enough for 19th in the all-time standings. A Duck of the Year winner back in 1983 and a fixture of both the Ducks on the Road and Tourist Duck top tens, Simon is emphatically a repeat offender rather than an unlucky one. He also carries the club's most decorated surname for scoreless batting — brother Tim on 66 career ducks, brother Nigel on 49, father John on a staggering 90, and cousin Stuart on 1 — the Thirkells could field their own XI of noughts. Fittingly, he too keeps company with F E Wallis's duck of this day in 1902. Elsewhere, the third fixture of the weekend produced eleven batters and not a single duck between them — a rare weekend of restraint from whoever was at the other end of that scorebook. 📊 Week in Summary Three matches, three ducks, and Horton Kirby CC can claim the lot — two run outs and an lbw. No pairs, no family affairs this time, just three solid, honest contributions to the art of not scoring. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 6 ducks in 11 innings (54.55%) 2. Matt Large — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.27%) 3. Iain Cardew — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) 3. Simon Thirkell — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) 5. Trevor Back — 2 ducks in 7 innings (28.57%) Next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, fresh candidates for the honours board. Bat carefully out there — or don't, we're always watching. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Five matches, nine ducks, and one player who somehow found the zero three times in four days. The exclusive club had itself quite a week. 🏏 Saturday 2 July — 2nd XI v Staplehurst CC (h) Mike Elworthy fell b C Lidddicoat, his 1st duck of the season and 15th of a fine career (9 of 1196 all time) — a card-carrying member of the Tourist Duck top 10. On this very day in 1983, none other than club legend Tim Thirkell (66 ducks, 4th all time) also nicked off against these same Staplehurst opponents. Stuart Cheesman also fell b Lidddicoat — season duck 4, career duck 8, and the opening chapter of what became a landmark week for Stuart (more below). Already a Debutante Duck and reigning Duck of the Year 1994, and a Full House member (a duck at every position, 1-11), he keeps it in the family too — brother Steve sits on 10 career ducks, father Fred on 29. He shares Mike's date with Thirkell. Chris Tymms completed the trio, c Wilson b Linford, his 1st of the season and 4th career. Also summoning the ghost of Thirkell's 1983 vintage. 🏏 Sunday 3 July — 1st XI v Hollingbourne CC (a) Matt Large, c Hales b Gutteridge, brought up his 3rd season duck and a staggering 43rd career duck — 9th on the all-time list of 1,196! A five-time Duck of the Year (1987, 88, 89, 92, 93) and fixture of the Road, Homebody and Lone Duck top tens, one slot shy of the Full House. On this day in 1960, Robert Murray (17 ducks, 1958-65) also fell, against Tovil. Stuart Cheesman struck again, c Hammond b Weller — season duck 5, career duck 9, and duck number TWO of the week, joining Matt in echoing Robert Murray's 1960 effort. 🏏 Tue/Wed — Midweek XI v Shebbear College (5 July): Stuart Cheesman, b T Scotney, moved to 6 for the season and 10 for his career — an astonishing THIRD duck in four days, spread across three different sides. A feat the honours board may need a new category for. On this day in 1943, Herbert Sunley also ducked, against Mr Ashby's XI. Trevor Back, c Armstrong b Barnes, opened his season account and reached 38 career ducks — 12th all time — sharing Sunley's 1943 date. Adrian Caddick, lbw b Laws, notched his 2nd of the season and 5th career, also of the Sunley class of '43. His brother Mike Caddick carries one lonely career duck of his own — Adrian is rather outpacing him. v Gravesend CC (6 July): Trevor Back returned, b David Lackford, for his 2nd duck in two days — a grim pair — moving to 39 career (still 12th all time). On this day in 1968, Paul Bowles (50 career ducks) also fell, against Charles Arkcoll. 📋 Week in Summary Nine ducks across five matches, no golden ducks recorded — every batter got bat on ball, just to no visible effect. The headline act was undoubtedly Stuart Cheesman's hat-trick of noughts across three different sides, with Trevor Back's Midweek pair a close second in dedication to the cause. Duck Hunting Season 1994 leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 6 ducks / 10 innings (60%) 2. Trevor Back — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) 3. Matt Large — 3 ducks / 10 innings (30%) 4. Don Dansie — 2 ducks / 8 innings (25%) 5. Adrian Caddick — 2 ducks / 9 innings (22.22%) Next fixture looms, and the zero club never sleeps. See you at the crease — or, more likely, straight back to the pavilion. 🦆0️⃣

Two fixtures in the book this weekend, but only one obliged the Club with fresh material. Meopham CC away proved a fertile hunting ground, offering up a brace of noughts before Sunday retreated into polite, duck-free silence. Saturday 25 June — 1st XI at Meopham CC Piers McDonald, in at five, departed caught Ross Cutts bowled B Turner without visible incident. His second duck of the 1994 season lifts him to 21 for the LPCC career, good enough for 38th of 1194 in the all-time reckoning, and keeps his season firmly inside both the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens — a man equally at home finding nought whether the fixture is home or away. Neatly, on this very day back in 1978, Malcolm Pay (1965–1992) was doing much the same against Marden CC, one of the 26 ducks that carried him to 29th on the all-time list. Moments later at seven, Matt Large followed him back to the pavilion, caught S Beard bowled J Ward — his second duck of the campaign, and 42nd for the club overall, a rarefied 10th of 1194 all time. Matt is a long-standing member of the Debutante Duck club from his very first LPCC innings, and his honours board groans under five separate Duck of the Year titles (1987, 1988, 1989, 1992, 1993) plus places among the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Full House nearly-man elite — a man who has, over the years, found a way to duck almost everywhere on the fixture list. Fittingly, he shares his on-this-day companion with Piers: Malcolm Pay, also dismissed for nought on 25 June 1978. Two down at Meopham in short order — a proper collapse, even if the record books stop short of dignifying it with a name. Sunday 26 June Nothing to report. The ducks kept their heads well below the water this time. Week in summary - 2 matches, 2 ducks, both from the same 1st XI innings at Meopham - Consistency, as ever, of a very particular kind Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Stuart Cheesman — 3 ducks from 7 innings (42.86%) - Don Dansie — 2 ducks from 7 innings (28.57%) - Matt Large — 2 ducks from 8 innings (25.00%) - Peter Whyte — 2 ducks from 8 innings (25.00%) - Piers McDonald — 2 ducks from 13 innings (15.38%) Stuart Cheesman still leads the chase, but Matt Large and Piers McDonald have both closed a step this week. Next fixture awaits — bring your bat, bring your sense of humour, and know that the ducks are always watching. 🦆🍩

Two fixtures out on the county circuit this weekend, and the zero club welcomed exactly two new entries. Modest by Linton's own extravagant standards, but every duck counts toward eternity. 🏏 1st XI — away at West Farleigh CC Piers McDonald, in at five, fell to N- Ward for his 1st duck of the season — his 20th in Linton whites across 204 innings, good enough for 42nd on the all-time list of 1,194. A paid-up resident of both the Lone Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, Piers treats away fixtures as a personal home from home for noughts. On this very day back in 1961, Robert Murray (1958–1965, 17 career ducks) was doing exactly the same thing against Halfway House — some traditions never die. 🏏 2nd XI — home to Yalding CC At number three, Don Dansie edged Tony Shepherd's bowling straight into the record books, his 2nd duck of the season and 4th of an increasingly eventful career, 31 innings in, sitting 142nd of 1,194 all-time. Don also carries the Retirement Duck honour from a past farewell innings — happily nothing so dramatic today, just a routine addition to the tally. Fittingly, he shares his on-this-day company too: Robert Murray was making his own duck in 1961, on the very date Don has now claimed for 1994. 📋 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, one apiece, home and away, as if the fixture list itself insisted on balance. Not a vintage week for the connoisseur, but the season race is heating up nicely elsewhere. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Stuart Cheesman — 3 ducks in 7 innings (42.86%) - Don Dansie — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.33%) - Peter Whyte — 2 ducks in 7 innings (28.57%) - C- Pitchers — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) - Fred Cheesman — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) Don Dansie climbs the table under his own steam this week, and with Stuart Cheesman setting the pace, the 1994 title remains anyone's. Next fixture, the zero club opens its books again — bring your bat, or don't bother. 🦆🍩

Six matches, six ducks, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its usual mixture of old hands and one very fresh face this week. Saturday 11 June — 1st XI v Old Brockleians CC Nick Froom departed for nought, caught Tony Peart bowled C- Davis at number eight — his 1st duck of the season and 5th of a Linton career spanning 40 innings, good for 125th on the all-time list. On this very date in 1978, Brian Woodcock was doing much the same against Leigh CC, Kent, one of four ducks banked in a brief 1976-1978 career. Tuesday 14 June — 1st XI v Maidstone Teachers Two for the price of one here. Opening batsman David Castle departed cheaply, caught R McCormick bowled A West, for his 1st duck of the season and 20th of a marathon 337-innings career — 40th all-time and a proud member of the Tourist Duck top 10. Further down the order, C- Pitchers marked a Linton bow with the most Linton of exits — run out — for an instant Debutante Duck, and already sits, on paper at least, alongside the One and Done and Retirement Duck honours after a single innings. A career completed before it's properly begun. Both kept the very same calendar company as Mick Filmer, who fell to Bobbing Court CC on this date back in 1970, one of 6 ducks in a 1969-1993 career. Wednesday 15 June — Midweek XI v Sevenoaks & District Wednesday CC (away) A proper cluster at Sevenoaks, with R Lewis claiming all three victims in the same afternoon. Peter Whyte, bowled at first drop, notched his 2nd duck of the season and 12th career — 161 innings, 62nd all-time — with sibling Tom Whyte good for 2 career ducks of his own, evidently a shared eye for the leaveable ball. Iain Cardew followed, caught R Gorman bowled R Lewis, for his maiden Linton innings and an instant Debutante Duck. Stuart Cheesman completed the set at six, his 3rd duck of the season, cementing an early grip on Duck of the Year 1994 and adding to a hard-won Full House (duck at every position 1-11) and his own Debutante Duck. He moves to 7 career ducks from just 30 innings, 102nd all-time — kin ties to Fred Cheesman (29 career ducks) and Steve Cheesman (10) suggest the surname is something of a Duck Club dynasty. All three, fittingly, kept step with Frank Brattle, who fell to Bobbing Court CC on this same date in 1969, one of 38 ducks across a 1937-1971 career. Week in Summary Six ducks from six matches, three of them arriving in a single Sevenoaks innings courtesy of one relentless R Lewis. Stuart Cheesman's hat-trick of season ducks puts him firmly in early Duck of the Year contention, while C- Pitchers and Iain Cardew both open — and very nearly close — their Linton accounts in one visit. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 6 innings, 3 ducks, 50% 2. Peter Whyte — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% 3. C- Pitchers — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 4. Fred Cheesman — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 5. Iain Cardew — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% The season marches on, and with it the art of not scoring. Fixtures resume shortly — bring your bats, and your sense of humour. 🦆🍩

Five fixtures out on the paddock this week, and the zero club banked six new subscriptions between them — modest pickings, but each one a small ceremony in its own right. 1st XI v XII Men (Sat 30 May, home) Nigel Sharp enjoyed a particularly fruitful afternoon with the ball, trapping two Duck Club members lbw in the very same innings. Mike Caddick went first, undone at number two for his maiden LPCC duck — 1 for the season, 1 for the career, and 470th of 1192 on the all-time list. On this very day in 1993, Paul Gibson (1984–1994, 20 ducks, Platinum Duck laureate of 1991) was suffering an identical fate against Underriver CC. Welcome to the fold, Mike. Don Dansie followed at seven, lbw to Alex Tait, his season's first and career third — a career that already carries Retirement Duck club membership from a past farewell innings. On this same date back in 1982, a fellow victim of the calendar was none other than Paul Bowles, 50 ducks strong and twice Duck of the Year, still 5th on the club's all-time roll. Then came Jim Hall, Sharp's second scalp of the day, falling at eight for career duck number 72 — a figure that keeps him serenely parked at 2nd on the all-time honours board, one position shy of the coveted "Full House" and a proud co-owner of "Quacking Together" pairings with Jon Harris, Martin Mears and Tim Thirkell alike. On this day in 1971, Alan Cradduck was likewise trudging off at Hythe CC, en route to 27 career ducks and the Duck of the Year prize in 1974. 2nd XI v Milstead CC (Sat 28 May, home) Stuart Cheesman, run out for a duck he can have had very little say in, brings up his 2nd of the season and 6th of an LPCC career now standing 115th all-time. The reigning Duck of the Year for 1994 — and currently top of this season's charts to prove it — Stuart also holds Debutante Duck and Full House honours, and comes from good poultry stock: father Fred sits on 29 career ducks, brother Steve on 10. On this day in 1928, Bert Buckoke was doing the honours against Bearsted CC, on his way to Duck of the Year titles in both 1928 and 1950. Midweek XI v Ashford CC, Kent (Wed 1 June, away) A brace of ducks on the road, and a family theme running through the week — brother Mike had already been back in the pavilion three days earlier. Adrian Caddick, caught behind off H Pedrola, moves to 4 in just 8 career innings, a healthy strike rate in the art of not scoring. Back in 1903, Rev W A Carr was recording an identical fate against Maidstone CC's first innings, the solitary duck of his short career. Alan Boyns, bowled by Eric Austin at nine, moves to 14 career ducks and 51st all-time — a Diamond Duck laureate from 1990, when he famously departed without troubling the scorers at all. Fittingly, on this same date in 1991, Stuart Cheesman's own father Fred was completing a duck against Milstead CC, en route to back-to-back Duck of the Year titles in 1990 and 1991. The Week in Numbers Six ducks from five fixtures — three lbw, one bowled, one caught, one run out — with Nigel Sharp's double strike for the 1st XI the standout piece of bowling, and the Caddick brothers doing their bit for family honour either side of the weekend. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Stuart Cheesman — 3 inns, 2 ducks (67%) 2. Fred Cheesman — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) 3. Richard Ellis — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) 4. Simon Thirkell — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) 5. Adrian Caddick — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) Plenty of season left for the chasing pack to close the gap, and with the fixture list not letting up, the next round of naught-scoring is surely only days away. See you at the crease. 🦆

A trip to High Halstow CC and NVKC came home with three additions to the exclusive zero club — the art of not scoring alive and well on the away circuit. Sunday NVKC v High Halstow CC First to fall was Matt Large at number 7, caught Tim Munday off the bowling of D Swadling. It's his 1st duck of the young season but the 41st of an extraordinarily consistent career — he sits 10th of 1191 in the all-time reckoning, with a Debutante Duck to his name and no fewer than five Duck of the Year titles (1987, 1988, 1989, 1992 and 1993) on the mantelpiece, alongside places in the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, and a nearly-man's Full House with just the one position missing. Rather fittingly, on this very day back in 1968 Fred Greenfield (1964–1981, 23 ducks, 35th all-time) was also trudging off against Reeds CC — some anniversaries keep good company. Next in was Peter Whyte at 9, run out amid general confusion as to whom to blame. A 1st duck of the season and 11th of his career from 157 innings, 69th all-time — and he keeps it in the family, with sibling Tom Whyte already a paid-up club member on 2 career ducks. Like Matt before him, Peter joins the 1968 anniversary club — Fred Greenfield ducking against Reeds CC on this same date, proving history does love to repeat itself. Rounding things off, Jon Harris departed at 10, bowled by Carl Dockwray. A modest 1st duck of the season conceals a truly heroic career total — 70 ducks from 511 innings, good for 3rd on the all-time list. Jon's honours board reads like a roll of dishonour to be proud of: a Debutante Duck, three Duck of the Year crowns (1976, 1980, 1981), the rare Full House of a duck at every position 1 through 11, top-ten places in Ducks on the Road, Homebody, Lone Duck and Tourist Duck, plus shared infamy in Only Two Quacks with Allan Cooper and Quacking Together with both Jim Hall and Trevor Back. A chip off the old block too — his relative Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own. And yes, Jon also tips his cap to Fred Greenfield's 1968 vintage on this same date. Week in Summary A tidy hat-trick of ducks from the single fixture, all three falling to Sunday NVKC on the road at High Halstow — middle and lower order doing the damage at 7, 9 and 10. A quietly efficient day for the bowlers, and a fittingly historic one too, with every fallen batsman sharing an anniversary with the same long-departed duck-maker from 1968. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Fred Cheesman — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 2. Jon Harris — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 3. Richard Ellis — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 4. Simon Thirkell — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% 5. Stuart Cheesman — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Early season, and the table is a dead heat of dubious distinction — plenty of time for someone to pull away in the race for glory. Next fixture beckons, and with it, no doubt, fresh recruits for the club. See you at the crease. 🦆🍩

A quiet week for the exclusive zero club — just the one initiation — but the honours board doesn't do quiet, so let's give it its due. 🏏 1st XI v Canterbury Pilgrims (h) Coming in at seven, Rob Doick set about building an innings and instead handed Canterbury a tidy dismissal — c P Henderson b S Uglow, gone without troubling the scorers. It's his 1st duck of the season and the 12th of a career now spanning 72 innings, good (or bad) enough for 62nd on Linton's all-time roll of dubious distinction. Neat bit of calendar symmetry too — four years to the day, in 1990, Mike Bains was enduring exactly the same fate against Hollingbourne CC. Mike's career closed out on 4 ducks from a spell between 1986 and 1991, sitting at 146th in the all-time reckoning. Different ground, different bowler, same sinking walk back — the art of not scoring clearly transcends generations. 📊 Week in Summary One match, one duck — a rare show of restraint from the Linton order. Discipline, or Canterbury simply being polite. The jury's out. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard Early doors, and it's a five-way tie at the summit, everyone sat on a flawless 100% strike rate: - Fred Cheesman — 1 duck, 1 innings (100%) - Richard Ellis — 1 duck, 1 innings (100%) - Rob Doick — 1 duck, 1 innings (100%) - Simon Thirkell — 1 duck, 1 innings (100%) - Stuart Cheesman — 1 duck, 1 innings (100%) Plenty of season left for someone to pull clear — or, ideally, to ruin it all with a run. 🍩 Next Up The fixtures keep coming, and so, inevitably, will the ducks. Bats out, excuses ready — the Duck Club will be watching next week too.

Season 1994 is up and running, and the exclusive zero club opened its books early. Four fixtures across the weekend, and it was Saturday's home date with Horsmonden CC that did all the damage — three ducks in one innings, including the rarest ceremony the club offers: a genuine family duck. The other three matches of the period came home unblemished. 🏏 Saturday 30 April — 2nd XI v Horsmonden CC (home) In at four, Fred Cheesman was trapped lbw by Mark Flemington to get the 1994 duck account open. Novelty this is not — Fred moves to 29 career ducks from 160 innings, 25th on the all-time list, with Duck of the Year honours from both 1990 and 1991 already banked, a Full House (duck at every position 1-11) to his name, and one half of Only Two Quacks with Adam Pooley. On this very day back in 1955, John --'s Taylor (1949–1960) was doing precisely the same thing against West Farleigh CC — some traditions refuse to die. Two places down the order at six, son Stuart Cheesman followed him back, bowled by the very same Mark Flemington. A proper family arrangement — Fred and Stuart become the club's newest Duck and Ducklings, parent and child undone in the same innings, careers of 29 and 5 respectively now bound together in the ledger. It's Stuart's first duck of the season, taking him to 5 from 25 innings and, fittingly given the year, straight onto the Duck of the Year 1994 board. He's a Full House man himself, and — going back to his own first innings — a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club. Elsewhere in the family tree, brother Steve Cheesman carries 10 career ducks of his own without troubling the scorers this week. And yes, 1955 again: Stuart shares his on-this-day twin with his father, John Taylor falling to West Farleigh CC. At five, debutant Richard Ellis had the briefest possible introduction to first-team cricket, bowled by Andy Watts without scoring — a Debutante Duck on the very first afternoon of his career. His name goes straight onto the honours board, 510th of 1191 all-time, with a career log of exactly one innings so far — nowhere to go but up. Fittingly, John Taylor was making his own duck against West Farleigh CC on this same date thirty-nine years earlier, for the third time this innings. 🌾 Elsewhere The remaining three fixtures of the period returned duck-free — the 2nd XI did all the collecting this week, three noughts and a family double from a single Horsmonden innings. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Fred Cheesman — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 🥇 Richard Ellis — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 🥇 Simon Thirkell — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) 🥇 Stuart Cheesman — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) Four names locked at a flawless 100% this early in the season — plenty of time yet for someone to spoil it with an actual run. See you at the next fixture, where the zero club will no doubt be recruiting again. 🦆🍩

A gentle start to the new season on Bearsted's outskirts, but where there's cricket there are ducks, and Hollingbourne CC duly obliged. 2nd XI v Hollingbourne CC (home) Coming in at number 7, Simon Thirkell had barely settled before Mark Austin had him bowled — the first duck of the freshly-minted 1994 season, and Simon's own opening entry in this year's hunting log. This is well-trodden ground for Simon: his 31st career duck, sliding him into 20th spot in the all-time standings out of 1190 hopefuls — a list most would rather not top. He now sits shoulder to shoulder with David Iliffe, who plied his trade from 1976 to 1988 and also settled on 31 (his 136th innings brought it up), one place above Simon at 19th. Different decades, identical arithmetic. Simon arrives with pedigree in this parish too — a fully paid-up member of the 50 Before a 50 club (59 ducks against a highest score of a distinctly modest 48), a Duck of the Year laureate from 1983, and a fixture in both the Ducks on the Road and Tourist Duck top tens. Not bad for a man who, on this evidence, still can't middle one at Hollingbourne. And it runs in the blood. Father John Thirkell (90 career ducks) and brothers Tim (66) and Nigel (49) all keep the family name well represented on the honours board, with cousin Stuart (1) presumably just getting started. A proper duck dynasty, this one. Week in Summary One match, one duck, one Thirkell doing the honours. A quiet opening exchange by Duck Club standards, but the season is young and the club's finest have barely left the pavilion. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Simon Thirkell — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Early days, but Simon sets the pace by default — nowhere to go but level or better from here. That's the lot for this round, ducklings. Next fixture, more willow, more edges, and no doubt more names queuing up to join Simon on the board. 🦆🏏0️⃣