🦆 The Duck Pond

A record of ciphers and cursory visits to the crease, 5th–7th August 1899 Two fixtures were despatched by our eleven this week, and the willow, on the whole, behaved itself tolerably well. Yet the zero club, ever vigilant in its watch upon the wicket, was not to be denied altogether. 1st XI At home to Rochester CC on the 7th, Mr P T Oyler, sent in at number ten, was bowled by X Stebbing for a cipher, his innings concluded with the brevity so often reserved for the tail. This stands as his first duck's egg of the present season, and the first blemish upon a career of five innings, a modest but perfectly respectable entry at 94th of 286 upon the club's all-time roll of the dismissed-for-nought. He now finds himself level upon exactly one career duck with the late Mr A Barker, who achieved the identical solitary distinction in a single innings back in 1885, and was that same year honoured as Duck of the Year — creditable company, one might say, for a gentleman's first acquaintance with the zero club. The Week in Summary Only the one duck's egg to report from two matches, our men having for the most part troubled the scorer as duty requires. A quiet week for the club of dubious distinction, though the honours board, as ever, waits with patience for the next arrival. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - A G Oyler — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Ernest Cruttenden — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - P T Oyler — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - W L Meade — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - F Smith — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% A fine early muster for the season of 1899, with no fewer than four gentlemen already boasting a perfect record of failure. The club extends its accustomed welcome to any who may swell these ranks at the next fixture — the willow, as ever, offers no guarantees to those who take guard.

We regret, dear readers, that this week's correspondence must open on a note of quiet disappointment rather than ceremony. Two fixtures were contested by our eleven in the period under review, and in neither did the timbers yield up a single cipher for the Club's honours board. Our batsmen, whether by skill, fortune, or a simple want of ambition in the matter of getting themselves out cheaply, contrived on each occasion to trouble the scorer at least once before their dismissal. The zero club, that most exclusive of fraternities, gained not a single new subscription this week, nor even a repeat visit from an old and valued member. One scarcely knows whether to congratulate the eleven on its unwonted competence or to lament, on the Duck Club's behalf, so barren a stretch. We incline towards the latter view. Consistency of a very particular kind is, after all, what this correspondence exists to celebrate, and a week without a single duck's egg leaves precious little for the diarist's pen. We trust our members will not make a habit of it. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard The season standings remain, for now, undisturbed by the week's events. At the head of the table, five gentlemen stand level, each having faced the willow but the once this season and each dismissed without score upon that solitary occasion — a full one hundred per centum apiece, a record of perfect, if unenviable, symmetry: - A G Oyler — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Ernest Cruttenden — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - F Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Rev Thomas Burra — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - W L Meade — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Whether this quintet will be joined, or indeed unseated, by fresher misfortune remains to be seen. History suggests the wait shall not be a long one. We commend our members to the field for the next fixture, in the confident expectation that the Duck Club's ledger shall not long remain so disappointingly quiet. There is, after all, no shortage of gentlemen willing, whether by design or otherwise, to walk back to the pavilion without troubling the scorer — and this correspondent awaits their return with his customary anticipation.

A modest fixture against Brenchley CC yielded but two visits to the exclusive zero club this week, yet each name carries its own quiet distinction. 1st XI — v Brenchley CC (at home) - Mr Ernest Cruttenden, in at number five, was run out before he could trouble the scorer, the fielder responsible being, we are informed, a matter of some uncertainty, though the outcome is not. This is his first duck of the current season and the eighth of a career now spanning forty-two innings, a tally that places him first of all two hundred and eighty-four names upon the club's roll of honour, a distinction he shares with no other gentleman living or departed. He remains besides a name of record upon the Duck of the Year board of 1895. We note that upon this very date in the year 1882, one W Wilson likewise returned to the pavilion without score, against 1st Innings Collier Street CC — history, it would seem, is fond of an anniversary. - Mr A G Oyler, at number seven, was bowled by R E Marchant, similarly without addition to the total. It is his first duck of the season and but the first of his career, in a mere five innings to date, ranking him forty-fourth of two hundred and eighty-four. He is already inscribed upon this year's Duck of the Year board for 1899, a distinction not lightly come by so early in the season. By a curious coincidence of the calendar, the fifth of July 1882 was likewise the date of W Wilson's dismissal for nought — the ledger appears to hold this date in particular esteem. The Week in Summary One fixture, two ducks, both delivered inside the same afternoon at home to Brenchley — a fair return for the bowlers, and a sobering one for our eleven. No pairs, no king pairs, and no family gatherings at the crease this week; the club's rarer ceremonies must await their turn. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - A G Oyler — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Ernest Cruttenden — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - F Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Rev Thomas Burra — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - W L Meade — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% A perfect record of imperfection at the head of the table, five gentlemen yet to trouble the scorer this season. The willow awaits its next volunteers, and the club shall follow the coming fixture with its customary keen and cheerful interest.

A modest afternoon's work for the eleven against Sutton Valence School furnished the Club with three fresh entries for the honours board, all falling to the school's bowling within the same innings. The zero club, that place of dubious distinction, welcomes its latest subscribers below. 1st XI v Sutton Valence School (at home) - F Smith (No. 2) was bowled by R Smither and returned to the pavilion for a cipher — his first duck of the present season, and the fourth of a career now spanning a dozen innings, placing him 10th of 284 in the Club's all-time reckoning. He joins Mr C Amies, who turned out for the Club between 1867 and 1870, in sitting upon exactly four career ducks — a fine piece of company across the decades. - W L Meade (No. 7), appearing for the first time in Club colours, was caught by the Reverend R E Lewis off the bowling of J K Blackmore, and thus opened his career's account with a duck's egg — a debut of the most emphatic kind, and one that plants him at once at 108th of 284 in the all-time table. He finds himself level, on a single career duck, with a Mr A Barker, who achieved the same modest distinction in the solitary season of 1885 and was thereupon named Duck of the Year for his trouble. - The Reverend Thomas Burra (No. 9) likewise fell to J K Blackmore, bowled outright, and failed to trouble the scorer for the third time in a career of twelve innings — a showing that holds him at 20th of 284 all time. He stands shoulder to shoulder with Mr A Kent, whose three ducks in the brief season of 1893 earned him that year's Duck of the Year honours. The week in summary Three wickets fell for nought, all in the one fixture, and Mr J K Blackmore of Sutton Valence School may fairly claim the lion's share of the credit, having accounted for two of the three gentlemen himself. A tidy afternoon's work for the school's bowling, and a rather less tidy one for our own batting order — though the Club, ever generous in defeat, records each with due ceremony. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard With the season yet young, our three subscribers arrive level at its summit: - F Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Rev Thomas Burra — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - W L Meade — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% A perfect record of imperfection, and no doubt one that will not survive the season's further fixtures unaltered. The Club looks forward, as ever, to the next match and whatever fresh additions the willow and the leather may conspire to provide.