🦆 The Duck Pond

Four fresh names on the slate this week, all falling in the same fixture against Linton Park CC — a proper vintage haul for the ledger. Unknown XI Robert Moss opened the batting and opened his account in the wrong column, bowled Malcolm Pay for a debut duck. That's innings number one, duck number one — a fresh entry on the 1983 One and Done board, a career built so far entirely on a single, solitary zero, and he also picks up a Retirement Duck credential, though at this early stage that's surely a long way off. Eerily, Len Conway (1954–1965, 12 ducks) fell the very same way on this exact calendar date back in 1960, against these same opponents. 1st XI No debut nerves for Jim Hall, whose 3rd duck of the season, bowled David Iliffe, is business as usual for a man sitting 3rd on the entire 1050-strong all-time list with 54 career ducks from 343 innings. Two Duck of the Year titles (1970 and 1977), one batting position shy of the Full House, and shared "Quacking Together" honours with Jon Harris, Martin Mears and fellow duck royalty Tim Thirkell all sit on his groaning shelf. Conway's 1960 ghost strikes again — same date, same opponents. 2nd XI Sean Riley fell for his 3rd duck of the season and of his career alike, bowled Michael Chambers, and already holds a Retirement Duck credential from a past farewell of his own. A third man this fixture sharing Conway's exact 1960 date. Simon Thirkell rounded things off, bowled Mike Iliffe for his 5th duck of the season and 10th of his career — and with it keeps a firm grip on the Duck of the Year 1983 crown. It runs in the family: father John (90 career ducks), brothers Tim (52) and Nigel (32), and relative Stuart (1) all fly the Thirkell colours on the honours board. A fourth and final nod to 1960 — Conway really was everywhere that weekend. Week in Summary Four ducks from two matches, all falling to Linton Park CC on the same afternoon. The Iliffe surname did brisk business too — David and Mike shared the wickets between them, while David can't resist adding to his own tally, as the leaderboard below shows. Consistency, as ever, of a very particular kind. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Simon Thirkell — 5 ducks / 7 innings (71.43%) 2. Ian Webb — 4 ducks / 33 innings (12.12%) 3. Martin Larkin — 3 ducks / 10 innings (30.0%) 4. David Iliffe — 3 ducks / 13 innings (23.08%) 5. Mike Elworthy — 3 ducks / 13 innings (23.08%) Simon leads by a full duck with a frankly heroic 71% failure rate this season — the field has some catching up to do. The next fixture looms and the exclusive zero club never rests. Get your ducks in a row, Linton — or, in the spirit of the thing, don't. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A lone fixture on the books this week, and — brace yourselves — not a single quack to report. The ducks well and truly evaded capture. Eleven Linton bats went out, and eleven Linton bats, by all accounts, troubled the scorer at least once. A vegan affair from start to finish, the Duck Club's nets came back empty. Rare is the week the exclusive zero club gains no new inductees, and rarer still that it happens with nobody even offering themselves up for a golden one. Whether this reflects a sudden outbreak of competence or simply a QUIET wicket doing nobody any favours, the correspondent cannot say. Either way, the art of not scoring took the week off. Do not, however, mistake a fallow week for a fading season — the chase for Duck of the Year rages on, and the leaderboard below shows exactly who's been doing the hard yards in the paddock this year. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Simon Thirkell — 4 ducks in 6 innings (66.67%) — an eye-watering rate, threatening to make not-scoring his signature shot 🥈 Ian Webb — 4 ducks in 33 innings (12.12%) — the workhorse approach, grinding out noughts over the long haul 🥉 Martin Larkin — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.33%) 4️⃣ David Iliffe — 3 ducks in 12 innings (25.0%) 5️⃣ Mike Elworthy — 3 ducks in 12 innings (25.0%) Simon Thirkell sits pretty at the summit, but with a rate like that he can hardly afford to relax — one good knock and Ian Webb's quiet consistency could see him overhauled on numbers alone. Rest assured, dear members, this is merely the calm before the storm. The ducks are never gone for long — only resting, gathering their strength, waiting for next weekend's top order. Get your bats out, gentlemen, and give the Duck Club something to work with. 🍩0️⃣🏏

Two fixtures away at Hexham this week, and only one of them proved fertile ground for the zero club. The first passed off disappointingly duck-free, but the second delivered three added to the books, the lot of them from the touring party, in the same innings, at the same ground - a proper away-day cluster for the exclusive zero club. 🏏 Tour XI v Hexham (away) At number four, Mike Elworthy fell to a bowler the scorebook could only describe as "Unsure" - some things are best left a mystery. It's his 3rd duck of the season and 5th of a career now standing at 38 innings, good enough for 106th on the all-time list, and another entry for his growing Tourist Duck top 10 collection. Neatly, on this very date in 1967 Roger Craddock, who turned out for the club 1966-1968, was suffering an identical fate against Birchington CC - the calendar has form for these things. Down at eight, Simon Thirkell continued an increasingly torrid summer, caught behind for his 4th duck of the season and 9th of his career from a mere 35 innings, landing him 70th on the all-time roll - a strike rate that has already earned him the season's Duck of the Year 1983 honours and a place on the club's storied 50 Before a 50 board. The surname carries weight in these parts: John sits at the very summit of the all-time charts with 90, while brothers Tim (52) and Nigel (32) are never far off the pace themselves - a proper family trade. Like Mike, Simon shares his misfortune with Roger Craddock, out for nought on this same day back in 1967. Two down became three when Allan Cooper, at nine, was also caught behind without scoring - his 2nd of the season and 28th for the club, from 189 innings, 20th on the all-time list. Allan's honours board is a roll call of old Only Two Quacks double acts with Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back, though none of his usual accomplices were present to share this one. He too keeps company with Roger Craddock's 1967 vintage. A genuine team performance in the art of not scoring, three wickets down for precisely nothing between them, all in the colours of the touring side. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks from two matches, all confined to a single Tour XI innings at Hexham. The other fixture escaped entirely unscathed - the bowlers there will have to wait their turn. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Simon Thirkell - 4 ducks from 6 innings (66.67%) 2. Ian Webb - 4 ducks from 33 innings (12.12%) 3. Martin Larkin - 3 ducks from 9 innings (33.33%) 4. David Iliffe - 3 ducks from 12 innings (25.0%) 5. Mike Elworthy - 3 ducks from 12 innings (25.0%) Simon's two-thirds strike rate leads the field by some distance - a truly heroic commitment to the cause with the season not yet done. 🦆 Until the next fixture, when the touring party will doubtless be back out there giving the zero club fresh recruits. Bring your camera - and, ideally, your bat.

Four fixtures on the go this week and the ducks, in their infinite mischief, decided to concentrate their efforts on a single ground. British Rail Ashford away carried the entire burden of the club's nought-scoring this week, with two names added to the 1983 ledger. 🏏 1st XI — away at British Rail Ashford Mike Elworthy strode out at number 7 and departed as he arrived, bowled by O Wood without so much as a run to his name. It's his 2nd duck of the season and 4th in a career now spanning 37 innings, tidy enough for 124th of 1,047 on the all-time list and another entry for his growing collection on the Tourist Duck top 10 — a man who saves his best nothing for away days. On this very day back in 1949, Richard Harris was doing exactly the same thing, one of an eventual 36 career ducks (1940–1982) that leave him 11th of all time. One place later Simon Thirkell followed him through the gate, caught behind off the very same O Wood for his 3rd duck of the season and 8th of a career now standing at 34 innings — 82nd of 1,047 all time. Simon is paid-up membership material here: a place on the 50 Before a 50 board (59 ducks eventually, high score a mere 48), a spot on the Tourist and Ducks on the Road top 10s, and — with the season still 1983 — the reigning Duck of the Year, a title he appears determined to defend rather than relinquish. He comes by it honestly too: father John tops the entire all-time chart on 90, while brothers Tim (52) and Nigel (32) keep the Thirkell name comfortably stocked in these pages. And, by pleasing coincidence, he shares his on-this-day twin with his own teammate — Richard Harris was at it again in 1949, same date, same fate. 📊 Week in summary Two ducks from four matches, both at British Rail Ashford, both off the bowling of O Wood — the 2nd, 3rd and 4th XIs kept their noses clean and left the honours board untouched this week. Consistency of a very particular kind from the top order at Ashford. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Ian Webb — 4 ducks / 33 innings (12.12%) 2. Simon Thirkell — 3 ducks / 5 innings (60.00%) 3. Martin Larkin — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) 4. David Iliffe — 3 ducks / 12 innings (25.00%) 5. Sean Cook — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.57%) Simon Thirkell's strike rate for nothing is the stuff of nightmares — three ducks from five innings puts him well clear on percentage, if not yet on volume. Ian Webb still leads the chase outright. Next fixture looms, and with it the promise of fresh candidates for the exclusive zero club. 🦆🍩0️⃣ See you at the crease — or, more likely, back in the pavilion.

The exclusive zero club took delivery of four new entries this week, spread across a Saturday double and a Wednesday away day. Not a vintage haul, but quality over quantity has never been the club's motto anyway — quantity is. 🏏 Saturday 20th — 1st XI v Hartley Country Club CC (H) Andy Woollett departed at four, caught Davies bowled Deicher, for his 2nd duck of the season and 9th of an LPCC career now 93 innings deep — rank 60 of 1045 in the all-time roll of dishonour. On this very day back in 1944, W Bunting was performing the identical trick against KCC Maidstone, one of five ducks in a 1941–1948 career. History, as ever, repeats. Down at ten, Sean Cook followed him back, caught Vickery bowled Whitelaw, his own 2nd of the season and 6th for the club from a still-tender 15 innings — rank 99 of 1045. Sean is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having famously nought'd on his actual first-ever knock, though today's effort was merely business as usual rather than a repeat performance. Fittingly, he shares Andy's on-this-day companion in Bunting, 1944. ⚡ Wednesday 24th — Midweek XI v Gravesend CC (A) Trevor Back, caught Hinks bowled Barden at four, chalked up his 2nd duck of the season and 21st for the club in 146 innings — rank 34 of 1045. Trevor is thoroughly furnished on the honours board, holding down places in the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, with shared quacking credits alongside Allan Cooper and Jon Harris. On this day in 1968, Benny Bell was doing exactly the same against Aylesford Paper Mills, one of thirty en route to a fine career tally. At seven, David Lines ran himself out for nought — Unsure being the umpire, apparently, as much as anyone else. His 1st duck of the season and, remarkably, his 1st in a career of just 3 innings — rank 313 of 1045. David already carries the presumptive Retirement Duck honour on the club's books, though nobody has called time on him yet, so read nothing into it. He shares Trevor's on-this-day parallel in Benny Bell. 📊 Week in Brief Three matches, four ducks, and a top order that largely held its nerve — both of this week's casualties came from the middle and lower order. No pairs, no king pairs, and mercifully no family affairs to report, so the honours board rests easy for now. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1983 1. Ian Webb — 4 ducks in 31 innings (12.9%) 2. Martin Larkin — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.3%) 3. David Iliffe — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.3%) 4. Simon Thirkell — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.0%) 5. Sean Cook — 2 ducks in 7 innings (28.6%) Simon Thirkell's 50% strike rate remains the frightening outlier of the season — one ball in two ends in ignominy. Meanwhile Sean Cook's Saturday effort keeps him firmly in the mix. Next fixture, next opportunity. The 0️⃣ always finds a way. 🍩🦆

A curiously quiet week for the exclusive zero club. Three matches played, and only one man answered the call of the naught. Make no mistake though — one duck can still make history, and this one did. 🏏 Midweek XI — Gravesend CC, Wednesday 17th August Batting at five, A Nichols became this week's sole representative of the art of not scoring, bowled by K Barden. Not a golden duck, mind — he weathered a ball or two before the inevitable arrived — but arguably rarer still: this was his very first senior innings for the club, and he has marked it with an immediate and unsolicited duck. Straight onto the Debutante Duck board he goes, a dubious honour bestowed on debut and worn for a lifetime. One career duck from one career innings puts Nichols at 267th of 1045 in the all-time standings — a long road ahead, but every journey starts somewhere, and his started at nought. Fittingly, the parallel books throw up good company: on this very day back in 1969, Percy Brattle also trudged off for a duck, against Mote A. Brattle went on to rack up 16 across a career running 1934 to 1973, good enough for 39th all-time, and was crowned Duck of the Year that same season. If young Nichols fancies following that path, he's picked an auspicious date to start. 📅 Week in Summary Just the one duck from three fixtures this period — the other two sides evidently kept their noughts locked away. Whether that's improving batting, generous bowling, or simple bad luck for the Duck Club statisticians, we leave for the members to debate over a pint. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏆 1. Ian Webb — 4 ducks in 29 innings (13.79%) 2. Martin Larkin — 3 in 9 (33.33%) 3. David Iliffe — 3 in 10 (30.0%) 4. Simon Thirkell — 2 in 3 (66.67%) — a strike rate for failure that most bowlers would kill for 5. Sean Riley — 2 in 10 (20.0%) Simon Thirkell continues to make not scoring look almost like a specialism. Can anyone catch him before season's end? 🦆 Onwards to the next fixture, where the ducks are surely just resting up before their next appearance. Bring your bats, gentlemen — the Duck Club is always recruiting.

Slim pickings this week from the LPCC diary — just three fixtures and a modest brace of noughts — but what the Duck Club lacks in volume it makes up for in a rather tidy piece of symmetry: both of this week's victims fell to the very same bowler, in the very same match, in the space of a few overs. T Drury, take a bow. 🏏 Midweek XI v Bobbing Court CC (home, 10 August) First to the crease and first to depart was Nigel Thirkell, undone at number five, caught and bowled by T Drury. It's duck number two of the season for Nigel and a chunky 32nd for the career — 470 innings deep and still finding new ways to nick off. That tally plants him at 15th of 1,044 in the all-time table, comfortably inside the Homebody Duck top ten and a paid-up member of the Only Two Quacks club alongside Jim Hall. Ducking, it seems, runs in the blood — the Thirkell name already carries entries for father, brothers and cousin alike, a proper dynasty of the dismissed. On this very day in 1958, a young Roy Clarke was suffering an identical fate against Harrietsham CC — 40 ducks and a Duck of the Year gong to his name by the time he was done. Nigel, the company you keep. Coming in at number ten, Ian Brattle couldn't improve on the theme, stumped — the umpire apparently unsure of the finer points, but the scorebook in no doubt — again off T Drury. It's his first duck of the season and 13th for the career from just 32 innings, a rate that has him sitting pretty (or badly, depending on your view) at 45th of 1,044 all time. Ian is also a card-carrying member of the 50 Before a 50 club — 51 career ducks against a highest score of just 33, a ratio that tells its own story — and once put together seven ducks in a row, a run of futility the honours board still remembers fondly. And wouldn't you know it, 1958 strikes twice: Ian too finds Roy Clarke's ghost waiting for him from Harrietsham, the same duck echoing down the decades to claim two Linton men on the same August afternoon a quarter-century apart. 📋 Week in Summary Two ducks from three matches, both against Bobbing Court, both at the hands of one relentless bowler. Not quite a king pair between them, but a fine demonstration that when Drury's on song, the Duck Club takes notice. The other two fixtures passed by disappointingly fowl-free. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Ian Webb — 4 ducks / 28 innings (14.29%) - David Iliffe — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) - Martin Larkin — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) - Simon Thirkell — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) - Sean Riley — 2 ducks / 8 innings (25.0%) Note the family connection at the top end — young Simon Thirkell keeping the surname firmly in the conversation while brother Nigel does his bit lower down the career table. Next fixture awaits, and with it the ever-present chance of fresh nominations to the exclusive zero club. 🍩0️⃣ Bring your bats, gentlemen — or don't bother, some of you clearly aren't using them anyway. 🦆

Two fixtures, one victim. The Duck Club's harvest this weekend was lean, but quality over quantity has never been a bad motto for the exclusive zero club. 🏏 Saturday 30th — Brackley CC (Home) The 1st XI's David Iliffe walked out at five and departed bowled by R Heath, chalking up his 3rd duck of the 1983 season and the 22nd of a career now spanning 100 innings. That tally plants him at 31st of 1044 in the all-time standings — good company, and climbing. David is no stranger to this particular ceremony — a former Duck of the Year back in 1982, and a paid-up member of the "Quacked by Kin" honours reel alongside his parent-child duck partner Mike Iliffe, who fell the same year. Mike remains very much on the books himself with 43 career ducks to his name — clearly a family trait not so much inherited as compounded. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1972, Andrew Moss (LPCC, 1968–1977) also strolled back for nought, against Glynde & Beddingham CC — one of 10 career ducks that eventually closed out with a Retirement Duck farewell. Eleven years apart, same date, same short walk back to the pavilion. The calendar has a sense of humour. Sunday's fixture, meanwhile, was a strictly vegetarian affair — not a feather ruffled, not a duck in sight. 📊 Week in Summary A single duck from two matches keeps the harvest modest, but David Iliffe's contribution alone was more than enough to keep the season ticking along nicely. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Ian Webb — 4 ducks / 26 innings (15.38%) 2. David Iliffe — 3 ducks / 8 innings (37.50%) 3. Martin Larkin — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) 4. Simon Thirkell — 2 ducks / 3 innings (66.67%) 5. Sean Riley — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.00%) David climbs straight into 2nd off the back of Saturday's effort, and with a failure rate north of 37% he's putting in real shift for the cause. 🍩 Until next weekend, the crease remains a dangerous place for all. Bring your bats, gentlemen — the Duck Club is always recruiting.

Two fixtures on the books this weekend and the Duck Club kept things refreshingly restrained — just the one nought to log, though it was a nought worth savouring. 🏏 Saturday 23 July — 1st XI v Newchapel & Horne (Home) Batting at number 8, Simon Thirkell departed bowled by Wann without so much as a run to his name — his 2nd duck of the summer and the 7th of a career now spanning 32 innings. That tally lands him at 84th of 1044 in the all-time standings, a position he'll no doubt look to consolidate before the season's out. Simon arrives already garlanded — the reigning holder of the Duck of the Year 1983 honour, and a fully paid-up member of the exclusive 50 Before a 50 club, having racked up 59 ducks in his time without a half-century ever troubling the scorebook, his highest score a rather ironic 48. He also props up the top ten of both the Tourist Duck and Ducks on the Road tables, proof that no ground, home or away, has ever been entirely safe from him. And he doesn't duck alone in the family sense either — father John Thirkell carries 90 career ducks of his own, brothers Tim and Nigel weigh in with 52 and 31 respectively, and cousin Stuart has 1. A proper Thirkell dynasty of dubious distinction, four generations deep in nought-making. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1960, Brian Relf (1950–1971) also strolled back for a duck, against Tovil, one of the 25 he collected across a career that ranks 23rd all-time. Some things, it seems, are written in the calendar. 📅 Week in Summary A quiet one — two matches, one duck, and Simon Thirkell carrying the entire weekend's honours single-handedly. Sometimes the art of not scoring takes a rest. It never sleeps for long. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — Top 5 1. Ian Webb — 4 ducks from 25 innings (16.0%) 2. Martin Larkin — 3 ducks from 9 innings (33.33%) 3. Simon Thirkell — 2 ducks from 3 innings (66.67%) 4. Sean Riley — 2 ducks from 5 innings (40.0%) 5. David Iliffe — 2 ducks from 7 innings (28.57%) Simon's strike rate at the top of that table is not one to be proud of — but 0️⃣ pride, as ever, is precisely the point. 🍩 Next fixture looms, and with it fresh opportunity for the zero club to swell its ranks. Get your bats out, gentlemen — or don't, and let the ducks do the talking. 🦆

A quiet week in the annals of the exclusive zero club, members. Three fixtures played across the weekend and, remarkably, not a single duck to show for it. Every bat that walked to the middle found its way off the mark, however scratchily. The Duck Club's scouts were out in all three matches and returned, disappointingly, empty-handed — no golden ducks, no king pairs, not so much as a golden-duck near miss to report. The art of not scoring, it seems, took the week off. Whether this represents a sudden outbreak of competence up and down the order, or simply a run of good fortune before the reckoning, only time will tell. The committee notes such barren weeks with suspicion — history suggests the ducks are rarely gone for long, merely gathering themselves for a more spectacular return. 0️⃣ Week in Summary - Matches played: 3 - Ducks recorded: 0 - A clean sheet that will not last — it never does 🏏 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏏 1. Ian Webb — 4 ducks from 24 innings (17%) 2. Martin Larkin — 3 ducks from 8 innings (38%) — flying up the table on sheer duck-rate alone 3. Sean Riley — 2 ducks from 5 innings (40%) — the division leader on percentage, for now 4. Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks from 6 innings (33%) 5. David Iliffe — 2 ducks from 7 innings (29%) Martin Larkin and Sean Riley both boast a duck rate the rest of the top five can only admire — consistency of a very particular kind. Ian Webb holds the volume crown outright, four for the season and counting, while Tim Thirkell and David Iliffe lurk just behind, one soft dismissal away from moving up. 📅 Looking Ahead Normal service will surely resume next weekend. The middle order cannot hold its nerve forever, and the Duck Club's scouts will be watching every LBW shout and steepling catch with renewed hope. Get your ducks in early, gentlemen — the honours board never fills itself. We watch. We wait. We celebrate. 🦆

Two fixtures on the books this weekend and, frankly, the ducks made themselves scarce — only one specimen bagged across both. A lean haul, but what it lacked in quantity it made up for in pedigree. 🏏 Saturday, 1st XI v Horton Kirby CC Jon Harris strode out at number six and departed caught A Lee, bowled J Massiah — a tidy dismissal for a man who has made an entire second career out of getting out for nought. This is Jon's 2nd duck of the season and his 58th for the club overall, a figure that plants him at a positively imperious #2 of 1044 in the all-time standings from 361 innings. Numbers like that don't happen by accident. And the honours board reads like a testimonial dinner menu. Jon is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having ducked on his very first Linton innings back in the mists of time, and has since claimed Duck of the Year no fewer than three times — 1976, 1980 and 1981. He's a fixture of the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top 10s, and holds the rare Full House honour, having now made a duck at every position from 1 to 11 — a truly complete body of work in the art of not scoring. His Quacking Together ledger runs deep too, with shared entries alongside Jim Hall and Trevor Back. Fittingly, he's not even the only Harris in the club's duck records — son Richard carries 36 career noughts of his own, so the family gene is evidently in rude health. On this very day in 1902, F E Wallis was doing exactly the same thing against Town Malling CC — a duck that helped him to Duck of the Year honours in 1907 and a tidy 4 for his career. Eighty-one years apart, same fate, same shrug. Sunday's fixture, by contrast, was a disappointingly vegan affair — 22 wickets between the sides and not a single one falling for a duck. The Duck Club will simply have to make do. 📊 Week in Summary Two matches, one duck, and a 100% Jon Harris monopoly on proceedings. Quality over quantity, as ever. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Ian Webb — 22 inn, 4 ducks (18.18%) - Martin Larkin — 8 inn, 3 ducks (37.5%) - Sean Riley — 5 inn, 2 ducks (40.0%) - Tim Thirkell — 5 inn, 2 ducks (40.0%) - David Iliffe — 6 inn, 2 ducks (33.33%) The season race remains wide open, with three names locked on 40% or thereabouts — a genuinely competitive field for the art of not scoring. Next fixture, more ducks will surely answer the call. We watch, we wait, we celebrate. 🦆🍩

Saturday 2nd July 1st XI v Staplehurst CC (home) The lone representative from the exclusive zero club this week was Tim Thirkell, run out at number four before he'd had any real chance to get comfortable at the crease. No first ball ignominy here — the umpire's assistance rendered the whole question of "golden" academic — but a duck's a duck, and Tim collects his second of the 1983 season and 52nd of an increasingly imperious Linton career. That haul places him 4th on the all-time list of 1,044 — a rarefied altitude he shares with a genuine Thirkell dynasty at the club, kin including John Thirkell on 90, Nigel Thirkell on 31, Simon Thirkell on 6 and Stuart Thirkell on 1. Consistency, it seems, runs in the blood. Tim already carries a full mantelpiece of dubious silverware: Duck of the Year 1972, a top 10 finish on both the Ducks on the Road and Homebody Duck honour boards, membership of the vanishingly rare Full House club (a duck at every position, 1 to 11), and a shared Quacking Together entry alongside Jim Hall. Today's effort simply adds to an already gilded record of not scoring. Fittingly, on this very same calendar date back in 1955, G Hill also strolled back for a duck — albeit against Charles Arkcoll rather than Staplehurst. G Hill's solitary career duck earned him a place in the Debutante Duck club and a modest rank of 336th all-time, so today's proceedings put him rather firmly in Tim's shadow, twenty-eight years and forty-eight further ducks apart. Sunday 3rd July A rare clean sheet for the fowl-hunters — the second fixture of the weekend passed entirely without incident, every batsman getting off the mark. The ducks, it seems, took the day off to recover from Saturday's exertions. Week in Summary Just the one duck from two matches this period — a quiet weekend by Linton's usually generous standards, but quality over quantity: a top-five all-time performer doing what he does best. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Ian Webb — 4 ducks / 20 innings (20%) - Martin Larkin — 3 ducks / 8 innings (37.5%) - Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks / 4 innings (50%) - Sean Riley — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40%) - David Iliffe — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) Tim's fifty percent strike rate this season is not one to brag about at the bar, but the Duck Club salutes triumph through adversity all the same. Next fixture looms, and with it the inevitable fresh crop of noughts. Get your bats — and your excuses — ready. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Two fixtures on the books this weekend and, in the end, only one of them proved fertile hunting ground — but Crockham Hill CC's bowlers did the club a fine service on the Sunday, claiming a brace for the exclusive zero club in the same innings. 🏏 Sunday — NVKC away at Crockham Hill CC First to fall was Trevor Back, run out for nought at number five in a mix-up nobody present seems quite able to agree on. It's his 1st duck of the summer and the 20th of an extensive Linton Park career, moving him to a lofty 34th of 1,044 in the all-time standings from 140 innings — the mark of a man who simply does not go quietly. Trevor arrives here as very much a club fixture rather than a passer-through: a member in good standing of the Ducks on the Road and Homebody Duck top tens (proof that geography offers no protection whatsoever), the Lone Duck elite, and a name etched twice into the pairing honours — Only Two Quacks with Allan Cooper and Quacking Together with Jon Harris. Curiously, on this very calendar day back in 1971, Andrew Moss (1968–1977, 10 career ducks, 55th all-time) was also trudging back for nought, against Tilling Steven — the ducks, it seems, keep a diary. Next in was Andy Woollett at six, caught Stuart Taylor off the bowling of Ken Vizard without troubling the scorers. A 1st duck of the season and the 8th of his career, edging him to 70th of 1,044 from 80 innings — respectable company for a man still very much accumulating. Andy shares his anniversary too: 1971 was evidently a vintage year for calendar-date quacking, with Andrew Moss's duck against Tilling Steven falling on this exact date — Andy now keeps him company from thirteen years down the line. 📅 Week in Summary Two matches, two ducks, both surrendered in the same innings at Crockham Hill — a tidy weekend's work for the home attack and a reminder that the art of not scoring rarely travels alone. The rest of the club's fixture escaped unscathed, which is either a triumph of application or simply nobody else got the memo. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Ian Webb — 4 ducks in 18 innings (22.2%) 2. Martin Larkin — 3 ducks in 8 innings (37.5%) 3. Sean Riley — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40.0%) 4. David Iliffe — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.3%) 5. Jim Hall — 2 ducks in 12 innings (16.7%) Martin Larkin and Sean Riley in particular are showing a consistency of a very particular kind — plenty of scope yet for a late change at the top before the season's out. Next weekend's fixtures await, and with them, no doubt, fresh recruits for the honours board. The ducks never sleep. 🦆0️⃣

A tidy little haul this week: four ducks from four matches, spread across a Tuesday at home to Hollingbourne and a Wednesday evening dust-up in midweek colours. No pairs, no family affairs to report — just honest, solitary failure, the club's stock in trade. 🏏 1st XI v Hollingbourne CC (Tue 21st, home) Three ducks in the one innings — a proper cluster. Brian Piper went first, run out at four in circumstances the scorebook simply files as "Unsure" — cricket's most diplomatic verdict. It's his 13th career duck from 210 innings, good enough for 43rd on the all-time list, level with names spanning four decades of Linton failure. On this very day back in 1975, Colin Dicker (1972–1978, 23 ducks, twice Duck of the Year) was also trudging off against Hythe CC — Brian keeps fine company. For the record, Brian's sibling David Piper carries 6 career ducks of his own, so the failing clearly runs in the blood, even if it didn't quite manage to strike twice this week. Next up, Ian Webb, bowled by Kevin Phillips at five. This is duck number 4 of the season already for Ian — a rate that's starting to look less like misfortune and more like a lifestyle choice — and his 9th career duck from 63 innings, 64th all-time. A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club from his own first-ever innings, Ian is also, coincidentally, the same calendar-day companion of Colin Dicker's 1975 nought against Hythe. His father Ken Webb sits on 3 career ducks himself, so the honours board remains a family concern. Batting at nine, Martin Larkin was bowled by Mike Donald for his 3rd duck of the season and 8th of his career from 51 innings, sliding into 75th place all-time. Martin is also a long-standing member of the Retirement Duck club, having once bowed out on a nought in a season well behind him — today's dismissal is not that, just Tuesday being Tuesday. And yes, once again it was Colin Dicker keeping the 1975 vigil on this date, against Hythe. 🌙 Midweek XI v Sevenoaks & District Wednesday CC (Wed 22nd, home) Jim Hall departed at four, caught Tapper bowled Housden, for his 2nd duck of the season — but the headline is the career count. That's 53 ducks now from 329 innings, hauling him up to a mighty 3rd on the all-time Linton list. Jim's honours board reads like a club constitution in itself: two-time Duck of the Year (1970 and 1977), a fixture in the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, a nearly-man in the Full House stakes on 10 of 11 positions, and a cast of Quacking Together and Only Two Quacks partnerships stretching back through Allan Cooper, Nigel Thirkell, Jon Harris, Martin Mears and Tim Thirkell. On this same date in 1935, Percy Brattle (1934–1973, 16 ducks, Duck of the Year 1969) was doing exactly the same thing against Bearsted CC — the club's ability to fail on cue apparently transcends generations. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks, four matches, and — mercifully for the honours board — no repeat offenders and no family double acts this time round, though with a Piper sibling on 6 and a Webb senior on 3, the raw materials are certainly there for future ceremony. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Ian Webb — 4 ducks / 17 innings (23.53%) 2. Martin Larkin — 3 ducks / 7 innings (42.86%) 3. David Iliffe — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.0%) 4. Sean Riley — 2 ducks / 5 innings (40.0%) 5. Jim Hall — 2 ducks / 10 innings (20.0%) That's the lot for this week — the exclusive zero club remains open for business, and with Martin Larkin's strike rate nudging 43%, the next fixture surely won't stay quiet for long. 🦆🍩

A rare and troubling weekend for the Duck Club faithful: three matches played across the period, and not a single nought to show for it. The zero club convenes, checks the register, and finds it depressingly… empty. Somewhere out there, eleven Linton batsmen a match got off the mark and stayed there, quietly denying the honours board its due. No golden ducks, no king pairs, no family affairs to solemnly announce — just runs, scored, in the ordinary tedious way. Frankly it's the sort of weekend that gives cricket a bad name. Rest assured this is a blip, not a trend. The art of not scoring is a proud and stubborn tradition at LPCC, and normal service will resume the moment somebody plays around a straight one. The Duck Club does not panic. It waits. 🍩 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Ian Webb — 3 ducks, 14 innings (21.4%) 2. David Iliffe — 2 ducks, 4 innings (50.0%) — brutal efficiency 3. Sean Riley — 2 ducks, 5 innings (40.0%) 4. Martin Larkin — 2 ducks, 6 innings (33.3%) 5. Simon Thirkell — 1 duck, 1 innings (100.0%) — a flawless start, if you're keeping score the wrong way round David Iliffe in particular will want a word with himself — two ducks from four knocks is the kind of strike rate that gets a man talked about, and not for his cover drive. See you at the next fixture, when normal scoreless service is confidently expected to resume. Bats up, ducks watching. 🦆0️⃣🏏

A lean weekend for the exclusive zero club, but quality over quantity — three ducks, all wearing 1st XI colours, and one rather pleasing reunion of old quacking partners. Read on. Saturday 4th June — 1st XI v Rumwood CC (h) Martin Larkin departed for nought at number seven, bowled by Woodhams off a no-ball — the sort of dismissal that manages to be unlucky and undignified in equal measure. It's Larkin's 2nd duck of the summer and his 7th in an LPCC career now standing at 49 innings, good enough for 83rd on the all-time roll of dishonour. He is, for the record, a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell innings — no danger of that being read into today's effort. On this very day back in 1981, Malcolm Pay was doing much the same thing against YMCA Maidstone, en route to a career haul of 22 and a lofty 31st on the all-time list. Monday 7th June — 1st XI v Maidstone Teachers (h) A rare double helping in the same innings here. Allan Cooper went first, caught behind off A West for his 1st duck of the season and 27th of a 180-innings career — 21st all time and closing in on some illustrious company. Cooper carries the "Only Two Quacks" honour with three separate partners, and pleasingly one of them, Jon Harris, was about to make it a matching pair of noughts in the very same match. Harris duly obliged, run out for nought at six — his own 1st duck of the campaign, but his 57th for the club, a tally that leaves him an agonising one short of top spot on the all-time list. The honours board groans under his name already: Debutante Duck, three separate Duck of the Year titles (1976, 1980 and 1981), Full House, and top-ten billing in Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck alike. A chip off the old block too — his father Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own. Both Cooper and Harris share their calendar-day fate with Mike Iliffe, who made a duck on this same date in 1980 against Rumwood CC, one of 43 across a 1966–1983 career good for 7th all time. Week in Summary Three matches, three ducks, all confined to the 1st XI — the 2s and 3s kept remarkably clean hands this week. The undoubted highlight was Cooper and Harris completing their "Only Two Quacks" partnership live and in the same innings, which is the sort of thing the honours board was built for. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Ian Webb — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27%) - David Iliffe — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50%) - Sean Riley — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50%) - Martin Larkin — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40%) - Simon Thirkell — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) Simon Thirkell's flawless start is either a false dawn or the making of a season for the ages — early days yet. The season race remains wide open, and with the fixture list rolling on there'll be no shortage of candidates queuing up to add their name to the list. Pads on, quack detectors primed — see you all next week. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A tidy half-dozen ducks fell across three fixtures this week, the club's zero-column doing brisk trade either side of the Bank Holiday. 🏏 Monday 30 May — home to XII Men Skinner ran through the top order in style, claiming two Linton ducks in the same spell. Tim Thirkell went first, bowled for his opening duck of the season — his 51st in Linton colours, holding at #4 on the all-time list and a former Duck of the Year (1972). A Full House man (duck at every position, 1 to 11) and a fixture of the Homebody, Lone Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens, Tim keeps it in the family too: father John tops the all-time pile on 90, with siblings Nigel (31) and Simon (6) also paid-up members. On this very day in 1982, Paul Bowles was doing the identical job against Weald. David Iliffe fell lbw to the same bowler for his second duck of the campaign, moving to 21 career and #32 all time. David was Duck of the Year back in 1982, the same year he was famously "Quacked by Kin" courtesy of father Mike — who still leads him 43-21 in the household stakes. Bowles, again, keeps him company from 1982. Mike Elworthy completed the trio, bowled by J- Cornett for his maiden duck of the year and third of a young Linton career, good enough for #159 all time and a seat in the Tourist Duck top ten. Bowles obliges once more from the archive. 🏏 Thursday 2 June — away at Ditton CC Sarat Arasaratnan then went hunting of his own, bagging two. Ian Webb, caught and bowled, notched his third duck of the season already — early pace-setter for Duck of the Year — and 8th of a Linton career now standing at #74 all time. A veteran of the Debutante Duck club, Ian outpaces father Ken (3) on the family ledger. On this day in 1974, Allan Cooper suffered identically against Nonington CC. Sean Riley edged Harriman for his second duck of the season, which is also his second in senior cricket entire — rank #237 and climbing fast. A Retirement Duck club member from a past farewell, Sean shares his fate with Allan Cooper too, same day, same year, same opposition. Martin Larkin was stumped by the tireless Arasaratnan for his first duck of the season and sixth for the club, from 47 innings, #95 all time. Another Retirement Duck alumnus, and another to find Cooper for company from 1974. 📋 Week in brief Six ducks, two bowlers doing most of the damage (a brace each for Skinner and Arasaratnan), and the third fixture of the week somehow escaping unscathed. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Ian Webb — 8 inns, 3 ducks (37.5%) - David Iliffe — 3 inns, 2 ducks (66.7%) - Sean Riley — 3 inns, 2 ducks (66.7%) - Simon Thirkell — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - Tim May — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) Roll on the next fixture — the zero club never sleeps, and there's always room for new membership. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Three fixtures, six ducks, and one proper top-order implosion to kick off proceedings this week. Saturday – 1st XI v Ditton CC (home) Ditton's attack ran through us like a dose of salts, P Harriman doing most of the damage. Five ducks in one innings — the kind of collective effort the exclusive zero club was built for. Nigel Thirkell went first, caught by Arasaratnan off Harriman, his 1st duck of the season and 31st of a career now 450 innings deep — good for 15th on the all-time list, a fixture on both the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and one half of the Only Two Quacks pairing with Jim Hall. Fittingly, this very date has previous — Benny Bell also strolled back for nought on 24 May, back in 1975 against Maidstone YMCA CC, on his way to 30 career ducks. Ian Webb followed soon after, bowled Longmuir, his 2nd of the season and 7th career duck from 51 innings — enough to top this early Duck Hunting Season table on a fearsome 40% strike rate, and a fully paid-up graduate of the Debutante Duck academy from his own first-ever knock. Sean Riley (b Harriman) opened his career account for nought — 1 duck from just 17 innings — and already carries a place on the Retirement Duck board from a past farewell. Then the moment of the week: Simon Thirkell (b Harriman) joined brother Nigel on the walk of shame, the two combining for a proper Two of a Quack — siblings back in the hutch in the same innings, a shared ceremony this club doesn't get to stage often. It's Simon's 6th career duck, and he arrives already garlanded reigning Duck of the Year 1983, plus entries on the Ducks on the Road and Tourist Duck top tens. Elsewhere in the Thirkell dynasty, father John sits an imperious 1st on the all-time list with 90 — some acorns really do fall further than others. Sean Cook completed the rout (b Harriman), his 5th career duck from a brisk 10 innings, and, like Ian Webb, a veteran of a debut duck long since filed away. Midweek – v Oxford XIII Tim May marked his first-ever senior innings with a duck, bowled T Brennan without scoring on debut. A tough way to start the ledger, and technically already filed under "One and Done" on the honours board — though the club very much hopes to see that overturned before long. This same date in 1959 also claimed Basil Sears for nought against Gore Court CC, en route to 33 career ducks and 14th on the all-time roll. Week in Summary Six ducks from three matches, five of them from a single Ditton innings — proof the top order is finding early-season form of a very particular kind. Harriman's four scalps make him the week's most feared name in Duck Club circles. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Ian Webb — 5 inns, 2 ducks (40%) - Sean Riley — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - Simon Thirkell — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - Tim May — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) - David Iliffe — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) Early days, but the race for Duck of the Year 1983 is already well underway. Next fixture, more nought — see you at the crease. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three fixtures on the board this week, but the Duck Club's harvest came from a single fertile patch: Headcorn Green, where the 1st XI's trip delivered a triple serving of nought in the very same innings. The other two matches, disappointingly, kept their fowl to themselves. 🏏 1st XI at Headcorn CC (Sat 14 May) In at two, Ian Webb was bowled by Simon Phipps for his 6th career duck from 49 innings, edging into 94th spot on the all-time table of 1038. A Debutante Duck club member from way back, and with kinsman Ken Webb already a paid-up member of the club on 3 career noughts of his own, the family clearly has form. Curiously, he shares his date with history: on this very day in 1978, Allan Cooper also strolled back for nought, against High Halstow CC, en route to 26 for his career. At five, David Iliffe fell to Robert Westrop, his 20th duck in 94 innings and 33rd on the all-time list. He was Duck of the Year back in 1982, the very season kinsman Mike Iliffe supplied the delivery that earned David a spot in the Quacked by Kin honours — Mike himself sits on a formidable 43 career ducks. And, remarkably, David too shares his duck-date with Allan Cooper's 1978 effort at High Halstow. At eight came the heavyweight of the afternoon: Jim Hall, bowled by Dave Harden, brought up his 52nd career duck from 322 innings — third on the entire Linton Park all-time list of 1038, a place of properly dubious distinction. A two-time Duck of the Year (1970 and 1977), a Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top-tenner, and one heartbreaking short of the Full House with ducks at 10 of 11 positions, Jim's honours board reads like a roll of honour in itself — including, fittingly, an Only Two Quacks partnership with none other than Allan Cooper. And yes, he too shares today's date with Cooper's 1978 vintage. Three Linton batsmen, one historical duck, one very busy 14th of May. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks, one match, one utterly merciless top order — Headcorn's bowlers Phipps, Westrop and Harden went two, five, eight and cleaned up the lot between them. Elsewhere, eleven-a-side restraint prevailed. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard Early doors yet, but the pace is being set by: 1. David Iliffe — 1 duck / 2 innings (50%) 2. Ian Webb — 1 duck / 3 innings (33.33%) 2. Jim Hall — 1 duck / 3 innings (33.33%) All square at the top as the season gets going. Plenty of cricket yet for someone to break clear — or, more likely, join them. 🍩 Next fixture beckons. The zero club's doors remain open, membership free, application involuntary. See you at the crease. 🦆0️⃣

A single fixture on the books this week, and — brace yourselves — not a single nought to show for it. 🏏 Every batsman who walked out on the 8th of May walked back with at least one run to his name. The zero club stands, for once, resolutely unrecruited. 0️⃣ Not a golden duck, not a pair, not even a modest quack in sight. Whether this is a triumph of application at the crease or simply the bowlers having an off day, the Duck Club scribes cannot possibly comment — we only report the ignominy, not its absence. Rest assured, this drought is a statistical anomaly rather than a trend. The art of not scoring is a proud and enduring Linton Park tradition, and normal service will surely resume the moment somebody gets a nasty yorker first ball. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard The 1983 season is freshly underway and the honours board is still gathering dust — no ducks recorded yet to populate the standings. A clean slate for all, though we suspect it won't stay that way for long. Next time out, someone somewhere will nick one behind, shoulder arms to a straight one, or otherwise donate their wicket without contributing to the scorebook — and when they do, they'll have a spot reserved right here. Until then, LPCC, keep your bats straight and your ducks fewer. 🦆