🦆 The Duck Pond

🦆 A modest fixture at Yalding, but one that shall not pass without its due note in the club's ledger. Three of our men returned to the pavilion without troubling the scorer, and the honours board grows heavier by three names. 1st XI v Yalding CC - J H Coles, at number seven, was bowled by H Reeves for a duck's egg — his very first innings for the eleven, and thus his maiden appearance in our exclusive company. A debut of the most particular consistency, entered at once into the record as his 1st career duck from a solitary innings, and ranked 88th of 314 in the club's long and dubious roll. He joins A Barker, of the 1885 season, on an identical tally of one — kindred spirits separated by sixteen years but united in the art of not scoring. - W Peach, sent in at nine, was caught by H Reeves off the bowling of F Reeves — a family affair for the fielding side, if not for ours. This is Mr Peach's 1st duck in a career of five innings, placing him 119th of 314 on the all-time list. He too finds himself level with A Barker on a tally of one, proving that misfortune, like good manners, is widely shared. - F Worley, last man in at number eleven, fell to a smart catch and bowled off his own bowling by F Reeves — a duck taken by the same hand that gave it. Like Mr Coles, this was Mr Worley's maiden innings for the club, and he departs the field already inducted onto the Duck of the Year 1901 board, a swift and thorough introduction to club life. His solitary duck likewise sits him alongside A Barker on the tally of one. In summary: one match, three ducks, and the last three men in the order accounting for the whole of it — a lower order that shall wish to reflect upon its technique before the next fixture. No pairs, no families of ducks, and mercifully no king pairs to record this week, though the club's more seasoned observers will note it is early days yet for two of our three subjects. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - F Worley — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - H S Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - J H Coles — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - W Peach — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33.33% The eleven take the field again shortly, and the club awaits its next candidates with its customary patience. Members are cordially reminded that the timbers care nothing for reputation, and the ledger is always open for further entries.

A single fixture furnished the eleven with but one visit to the exclusive zero club this week, yet a debut cipher is always an occasion worth the recording, and we set it down here with due ceremony. 1st XI — v Brenchley CC (at home) - H S Smith, going in at number nine, was bowled by W Hodges for a duck's egg — his very first innings in senior colours, and thus his maiden appearance in the ledger of those who failed to trouble the scorer. A debut of the most memorable sort, in that nothing memorable occurred upon it. He enters at 80th of 307 in the club's all-time roll of the dismissed-for-nought, a modest beginning to what we trust will be a longer and more distinguished record with the willow than this outing suggests. We note, by way of curious coincidence, that on this very day in the year 1867 one G A K Simpson likewise returned to the pavilion without score, in his case against the 1st Innings of Leeds Park CC — history, it seems, is fond of an anniversary. The Week in Summary One match, one duck, and a debutant to show for it — a quiet week by the club's usual standards of dubious distinction, though we are given to understand that quiet weeks are merely the calm before the storm. Mr Smith may take some comfort in having got the formality of his first duck out of the way early, leaving the remainder of the season free for sterner failures. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. H S Smith — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% A leaderboard of a single name is, admittedly, an easy one to top, and we look forward to the season furnishing him with rivals for the honour. We commend the eleven's continued and consistent industry in the art of not scoring, and await next Saturday's fixture in the confident expectation that further candidates shall present themselves for enrolment in these pages.

It falls to your correspondent to report, with a measure of regret tempered by relief on behalf of the batting fraternity, that the eleven's solitary fixture this week yielded not a single egg for the Club's ledger. Not one of our men, nor indeed any of the opposition's, was persuaded to depart before troubling the scorer. The timbers stood, the leather was middled, and the exclusive zero club gains no new subscriber this week. One is almost disappointed. The Club exists to celebrate the art of not scoring, and a week in which every man at the wicket contrived to score at least a single run leaves this correspondent with rather thin material, though it must be allowed a fine one for the cricket itself. The Season's Reckoning The season's roll of dubious honour cannot be presented this week, the records furnished being silent on the matter. Your correspondent trusts the standings remain undisturbed since last we spoke, and will report them with full ceremony the moment the ducks resume their unfortunate habit. In Closing Let it not be said the Duck Club grows complacent in idle weeks. The next fixture will, in the natural order of things, furnish fresh candidates for the honours board, and your correspondent stands ready with pen sharpened to record whichever unfortunate soul is next sent back to the pavilion for a cipher. Until then, the Club rests, its dignity and its statistics alike unblemished.

A quiet week at Linton Park, gentlemen, and one to try the patience of the correspondent no less than the eleven. Our records for the period show but a single fixture played, and — most vexingly for a gazette devoted to the art of not scoring — not a single duck's egg was laid at any wicket. Every man who took guard contrived, however modestly, to trouble the scorer at least once. Whether this reflects sound defence at the crease or merely a want of quality bowling shall remain a matter for the pavilion to debate over its tea. The exclusive zero club, then, records no new admissions this week. Its roll of dubious distinction stands exactly where it stood on Friday last, and its members may rest easy in their honours a little longer. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard The season standings are, for the moment, without fresh material to report, there being no ledger of runs-and-noughts to hand for this period. The correspondent trusts the standings will furnish sport enough come the next fixture. We commend our men on a week of uncharacteristic application, and look forward — with the particular hope reserved by this column for its subject — to the timbers being rattled for nought at the very next opportunity. Until then, the ducks remain at large, and the eleven are asked to keep their guard up, for the club's sake if not their own.