🦆 The Duck Pond

A single fixture out at Linton Park this week, and for once the Duck Club's talent-spotters returned home empty-handed. All eleven took guard, all eleven got off the mark, and not so much as a nervous nudge for a duck-hunter to pounce on. 0️⃣ Zero ducks. Genuinely zero — the rarest scoreline the Club can produce, rarer even than a king pair. It happens. Even the most committed order occasionally forgets how to get out cheaply, and this was one of those days where the art of not scoring simply wasn't practised by anyone in whites. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs to induct into the honours reel — the exclusive zero club adds no new members this week, and the existing membership can rest easy for a few more days. Spare a thought, too, for the season's front-runners below, who will have watched this result with quiet frustration — no fixture, no chance to add to the tally, no shot at closing the gap. The hunt resumes properly at the next opportunity. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🏆🍩 1. Jim Hall — 5 ducks in 24 innings (20.83%) 2. Andrew Kember — 4 ducks in 12 innings (33.33%) 3. David Castle — 4 ducks in 15 innings (26.67%) 4. Dennis Salisbury — 3 ducks in 7 innings (42.86%) — a fearsome strike rate for all the wrong reasons 5. Matt Large — 3 ducks in 13 innings (23.08%) Andrew Kember and Dennis Salisbury lead the percentage race by some distance, though Jim Hall's volume keeps him top of the pile for now. Plenty of season still to play for. A quiet week for the Duck Club, then — but forewarned is forearmed. Next time out, someone's luck runs out, and the ledger starts filling again. Bats up, quacks ready. 🦆🏏

Only three visits to the exclusive zero club this week, but the standards of the association remain as rigorously upheld as ever. Quality over quantity, as always. Saturday 21 September 1st XI away to West Farleigh CC At number seven, Malcolm Pay departed to Micky Back without scoring — his 3rd duck of the season and 26th of a long and storied Linton career, good enough for 23rd on the all-time table of 1069. He's not carrying the family torch alone either: sibling Colin Pay has a single career nought of his own, presumably still waiting for his invitation to the top table. On this very day back in 1958, club great Stan Wratten was also trudging back for nought, against Tilling Steven — he went on to finish with 35 (12th all-time) and a seat on the "Quacking Together" honours board alongside John Ames. Malcolm keeps distinguished historical company. Wednesday 25 September Midweek XI away to Penshurst Park CC A costly outing at Penshurst, who shipped two ducks in the same innings. Opening up, David Castle fell to N Fowler for nought — his 4th duck of the season and, remarkably, his 4th career duck from just 23 innings. A rapid introduction to the art of not scoring that already has him keeping company on the Tourist Duck top 10. At four, Nigel Thirkell edged F Manville for his only duck of the season but his 33rd overall, enough for 16th on the all-time list from a monumental 531 innings. A permanent fixture on the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and one half of the "Only Two Quacks" pairing with Jim Hall. The surname is practically its own duck dynasty — father John sits on 90 career ducks, brother Tim on 55, brother Simon on 14, and relative Stuart on 1. The apple, the tree, and several other apples. Both Castle and Thirkell share good on-this-day company — back in 1960, Len Conway also made a duck against Linton Park CC en route to 12 career ducks and a place on the Debutante Duck board. Week in summary A lean week — 3 ducks from 3 matches, with two arriving in the same Midweek innings at Penshurst. Not the club's most productive week for non-productivity, but Malcolm Pay continues his relentless climb up the all-time ladder regardless. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jim Hall — 5 ducks, 23 innings (21.74%) 2. Andrew Kember — 4 ducks, 12 innings (33.33%) 3. David Castle — 4 ducks, 14 innings (28.57%) 4. Dennis Salisbury — 3 ducks, 7 innings (42.86%) 5. Matt Large — 3 ducks, 12 innings (25.00%) Jim Hall holds firm at the top, but with Castle and Kember snapping at his heels on percentage alone, this year's Duck of the Year race is far from settled. 🏏 One more round of fixtures before the season's out — plenty of time yet for the club to welcome its newest members. Bats up, ducks incoming. 0️⃣🦆

A quiet week for the exclusive zero club, but quality over quantity as always — two ducks fell across three fixtures, each one worthy of its place in the ledger. 🏏 Saturday, Northend Sunday Sean Riley strolled to the crease at six and departed lbw to P Dann without troubling the scorers — his first duck of the season and the 8th of a career now standing at 51 innings, good enough for 85th on the all-time list. Sean is already a paid-up member of the club's Retirement Duck honours board, a note reserved for whenever that day eventually comes, not for today. Spookily, on this very day back in 1982, Trevor Hales (who turned out for Linton 1981–1984) was doing precisely the same thing against The Mote CC — proof that the calendar has a long memory for noughts. 🌙 Wednesday, Hawkenbury CC — Midweek XI David Castle, batting at six, was bowled by D Medhurst for his third duck of the season and the third of his career, from just 20 innings — a rank of 147 in the all-time table that will not stay still for long at this rate. Castle is also a fixture in the Tourist Duck top 10, gathering noughts on his travels with the same enthusiasm he shows at home. Exactly a quarter of a century earlier, on this same date in 1960, Cliff Anscombe (1957–1975) was also making the long walk back against Tilling Steven, on his way to a career haul of 25 — the Duck Club's calendar strikes again. 📊 Week in Summary Two ducks from three matches is a modest return by Linton standards — the 3rd XI and Sunday sides evidently kept their heads down and their bats straight. Still, both fallen batsmen add useful ballast to their season tallies, and Castle's effort keeps him firmly inside this week's top five. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jim Hall — 5 ducks / 21 innings (23.81%) 2. Andrew Kember — 4 ducks / 12 innings (33.33%) 3. Dennis Salisbury — 3 ducks / 7 innings (42.86%) 4. David Castle — 3 ducks / 11 innings (27.27%) 5. Matt Large — 3 ducks / 11 innings (27.27%) Dennis Salisbury remains the club's most efficient collector by percentage, though Jim Hall's volume still has him out front in the race for Duck of the Year. 🍩 Onwards to the next fixture, where the art of not scoring will no doubt claim a fresh crop of victims. Bats up, ducks watching. 🦆

A short midweek flurry closed out the week, with three ducks across three matches and one repeat offender picking up a rare "pair" for his troubles. Saturday — 1st XI v Madhatters Dennis Salisbury departed for nought at four, caught by a bemused Edmonton off a delivery nobody could quite pin a bowler's name to ("c Unsure b - Edmonton" — the scorebook's honesty is appreciated). His second duck of the season and second of a fledgling Linton career, 2 in just 6 innings, sits him 149th of 1069 in the all-time list. On this very day in 1981, Richard Ashby was doing much the same against Paul CC, en route to 26 career ducks across 1962–1985 and 23rd on the all-time table. Dennis has some way to go, but the calendar, at least, is on his side. Wednesday — Midweek XI v The Mote CC Jim Hall, bowled by Richard Chapman at six, brought up his 5th duck of the season and — take a breath — his 62nd of an extraordinary Linton career spanning 399 innings. That's second on the all-time list, club royalty of the exclusive zero club, and with "Duck of the Year 1985" already sitting on his honours board he's very much defending that crown live rather than reminiscing about it. His cabinet also carries two separate Only Two Quacks partnerships and three Quacking Together citations — Jim, it seems, rarely goes down alone. On this same day in 1954, Len Conway was walking back for nought against Old Roffensians, en route to 12 career ducks and 50th all time. One place lower in the order, Dennis Salisbury struck again — bowled by the same Richard Chapman, for his third duck of the season and third of his career. That completes a grim little pair for the week: out for nought on Saturday, out for nought on Wednesday, four days and two different bowlers apart. Fittingly, Len Conway keeps him company on the this-day-in-history front too. Week in Summary Three matches, three ducks, and Dennis Salisbury responsible for two-thirds of the harvest — a proper double for the collection, triumph through adversity in its purest form. Elsewhere Jim Hall's 62nd continues to look positively unassailable at the top of the all-time table. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jim Hall — 5 ducks, 21 innings, 23.8% - Andrew Kember — 4 ducks, 12 innings, 33.3% - Dennis Salisbury — 3 ducks, 6 innings, 50.0% - Matt Large — 3 ducks, 11 innings, 27.3% - David Castle — 2 ducks, 8 innings, 25.0% Dennis's 50% strike rate is one to keep an eye on — at that pace he'll be knocking on Jim's door before Christmas. 🍩 Next fixture, next chance. The zero club never closes its doors — see you at the crease.

A short entry in the ledger this week, but a good one — the Duck Club doesn't stop for a change of scenery, and this one arrived courtesy of the touring party. 🏏 Tour XI — Beacon CC, Cornwall (away) Batting at three, David Castle departed away from home, caught Kevin Gill bowled David Hocking — a Cornish souvenir for the collection. It's his 2nd duck of the 1985 season and his 2nd career duck from 16 innings, which nudges him to 196th of 1069 in the all-time standings — respectable company for a man who is already a fixture on the Tourist Duck top 10, proof that wherever the fixture list takes him, the art of not scoring travels well. Neatly, on this very day back in 1973, Tim Thirkell also walked back for nought — against Whitstable CC, no less. Thirkell, who plied his trade for the club from 1967 to 1985, sits at a mighty 55 career ducks, 4th of 1069 all-time, a Duck of the Year 1972, Full House and Homebody Duck top 10 man to boot. Different eras, different grounds, same calendar date — the ducks have long memories. 📅 Week in Summary One match, one duck. A quiet week by Duck Club standards, but the tourists have kept the tradition alive on foreign soil — and there's nothing like a duck away from home to remind you the umpires travel with the same eyesight. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — 1985 - Andrew Kember — 4 ducks / 12 innings (33.33%) - Jim Hall — 4 ducks / 20 innings (20.0%) - Matt Large — 3 ducks / 9 innings (33.33%) - David Castle — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.57%) - Allan Cooper — 2 ducks / 9 innings (22.22%) Kember and Hall lead the race for Duck of the Year, with Large lurking dangerously in support and our tourist Castle now firmly in the mix. 🍩 Next fixture, next opportunity. The exclusive zero club never closes its books for long — see you at the crease, or more likely, on the walk back to the pavilion. 0️⃣🦆

Five fresh entries to the exclusive zero club this week, spread across four fixtures as the 1985 season rounds into its final furlong. The art of not scoring remains alive and well at Linton Park. 🏏 Saturday 25th — 1st XI v Old Anchorians CC Jim Hall opened the week's account, bowled by R Cross for his 4th duck of the campaign and a chastening 61st of an already legendary career, good enough for 2nd on the all-time list of 1069 names. Jim arrives at this milestone as reigning Duck of the Year for 1985 itself, and with entries on the Debutante Duck, Full House nearly-man, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, he is less a batsman than a walking honours board. On this very day in 1976, Brian Piper made a duck of his own against Gravesend CC, kindred spirits separated by nine years and a scorebook. Fittingly, Jim's old sparring partner in the "Only Two Quacks" pairing, Allan Cooper, followed him back to the pavilion in the very same innings, bowled by D Goodger at number 11 for his 2nd of the season and 33rd of his career, 14th on the all-time roll. Allan shares Jim's on-this-day parallel too, both matched by Brian Piper's 1976 effort. 🏏 Saturday 26th — 1st XI v Bearsted CC The middle order wobbled at home to Bearsted. Paul Gibson edged behind for his 1st duck of the season, a 6th career quack from 47 innings and 102nd on the all-time list. He joins the on-this-day roll alongside Tim Thirkell, who made his own on this very date in 1979. Two down the order, David Piper was bowled by Robin Cunningham, also his 1st of the season and 7th career duck in just 20 innings, 86th all-time, a brisk introduction to senior Duck Club life for the younger of the Piper siblings, whose brother Brian already carries 14 of his own. David shares the same 1979 Tim Thirkell parallel as Paul, a matching set from the same collapse. 🌴 Thursday 29th — Tour XI v Falmouth CC On tour and far from home, David Castle became the tourists' latest offering, bowled by Keith Meneer for the very first duck of his senior career, in just his 15th innings, 321st on the all-time list. A paid-up member of the Tourist Duck top 10 even before this one, he now has genuine away-day pedigree to go with it. On this day in 1954, Stan Wratten was doing exactly the same thing against a D Hambrook XI, en route to 35 career ducks of his own. 📊 Week in summary Five ducks from four matches, with the 1st XI doing the heavy lifting on four of the five. Old Anchorians and Bearsted between them made for a genuinely grim weekend at the crease, while the Tour XI kept its away form suitably eventful with one lonely entry out at Falmouth. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Andrew Kember — 4 ducks in 12 innings (33.3%) - Jim Hall — 4 ducks in 20 innings (20.0%) - Matt Large — 3 ducks in 9 innings (33.3%) - Allan Cooper — 2 ducks in 9 innings (22.2%) - Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 13 innings (15.4%) Jim Hall closes to within touching distance of top spot, one more anywhere and he shares the summit. Roll on the next fixture. The zero club never sleeps, and there's always room for one more member. 🦆0️⃣

Three matches on the card this week, and Gravesend CC did all the concentrating for us: every duck of the period fell in the one fixture, at home to Gravesend on the 21st. A trio for the price of one — Gravesend's attack clearly fancied its chances at Linton Park. Midweek XI v Gravesend CC (home, 21 August) Dennis Salisbury opened the account at first drop, caught K Prytherch off Dave Elliott without troubling the scorers. It's the first duck of a young Linton career — just his 3rd innings — and moves him to 1 for the season and 1 overall, 321st in the all-time standings. Good historical company for the date, mind: on this very day in 1955, John Ames also made a duck, against Halfway House, on his way to 49 in a career that ran 1952 to 1978. Next in was Andrew Kember, run out by an attribution the scorebook simply records as "Unsure" — not a dismissal that reflects terribly well on the calling, but the Duck Club doesn't discriminate by method. It's his 4th of the season and 4th of a 12-innings career, good for 116th all-time, and it keeps him a fully paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having ducked on his very first outing, plus the rare and slightly ominous Quack-to-Quack and Retirement Duck honours awaiting whenever that eventual day comes. Same date, same 1955 John Ames echo for Andrew too. Then Jim Hall, caught Colin Myers off Ben Williams, chalked up his 3rd of the season and a remarkable 60th for the club — second on the all-time list. Jim already wears the crown for 1985's Duck of the Year, and this latest zero only tightens his grip on it. A card groaning with honours besides: Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top ten, Full House nearly-man on 10 of 11 positions, and no fewer than five Only Two Quacks and Quacking Together partnerships to his name. And yes — same 21 August, same 1955 John Ames company as his teammates. A tidy little cluster, then: three ducks, one match, one shared date in the history books. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Andrew Kember — 12 inns, 4 ducks (33.33%) 2. Matt Large — 7 inns, 3 ducks (42.86%) 3. Jim Hall — 18 inns, 3 ducks (16.67%) 4. Jon Harris — 12 inns, 2 ducks (16.67%) 5. Malcolm Pay — 15 inns, 2 ducks (13.33%) Jim Hall leads the chasing pack for the club's most decorated duck-hunter, but with Andrew Kember and Matt Large both boasting duck rates north of 30%, the 1985 race is far from settled. Next fixture, the exclusive zero club stands ready to welcome its newest and returning members alike. 🦆🍩

A single fixture on the books this week, and for once the exclusive zero club had to watch from the pavilion. One match played, one match in which every single Linton bat found their way off the mark. Not a nought in sight. Rare, this. The art of not scoring is a proud Linton tradition, and this week the entire XI conspired to deny us our craft. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs on the honours board — just eleven batsmen quietly getting on with the business of scoring runs, which, frankly, isn't really what we're here for. The Duck Club does not panic. A quiet week is not a closed season — it's a coiled spring. Somewhere out there a top edge is waiting, a diamond duck is being drafted, and the honours board has plenty of room left on it yet. 📊 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 3 ducks in 6 innings (50.0%) 2. Andrew Kember — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.27%) 3. Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 10 innings (20.0%) 4. Jim Hall — 2 ducks in 15 innings (13.33%) 5. Malcolm Pay — 2 ducks in 15 innings (13.33%) Matt Large sits handsomely atop the 1985 standings with a rate that would make most bowlers blush — half his innings this season have ended before they began, a genuinely commanding lead in the race for Duck of the Year. Andrew Kember lurks with intent in second, and the chasing pack of Harris, Hall and Pay will all fancy a nudge up the table given half a chance. 🏏 Onward to the next fixture, then — where normal service, we trust, will resume. The zero club never sleeps for long. Get your ducks in a row, gentlemen — or rather, don't.

A quiet week for the exclusive zero club — three fixtures out on the road and in that time only one batsman found his way onto the honours board. Scarcity, in this game, only adds to the prestige. 🏏 1st XI — Rainham (Kent) CC, away, 20th July Malcolm Pay departed at number five, caught Keith Morris, bowled Duncan Vince, in a dismissal offering no runs and precisely nought argument for the defence. It's Malcolm's 2nd duck of the 1985 campaign and his 25th in senior colours from 235 innings — enough to install him at a lofty 26th in the all-time standings, a position most club members will only ever admire from a respectful distance. Consistency of a very particular kind. Splendidly, on this very day back in 1906, R W Mitchell — who turned out for the club 1903 to 1909 — was also trudging off for a duck, against Royal West Kent Regiment CC (Officers XI) no less. Mitchell finished his career on 2 ducks and sits 239th in the all-time list, so Malcolm can at least claim seniority in this particular anniversary pairing. And for the genealogists among us, Malcolm's brother Colin Pay is himself a paid-up (if modest) member of the club with 1 career duck to his name — clearly there's something in the water, or the bat. The 1st XI's other two fixtures this week passed off duck-free, a rare and faintly suspicious outbreak of competence up and down the order. 📅 Week in Summary Three matches, one duck — a distinctly lean harvest by Duck Club standards, but the club maintains that quality trumps quantity, and Malcolm's solitary contribution was a fine specimen of the art of not scoring. The season race, meanwhile, continues to simmer nicely elsewhere. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Matt Large — 3 ducks in 5 innings (60%) - Andrew Kember — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.27%) - Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 10 innings (20%) - Jim Hall — 2 ducks in 15 innings (13.33%) - Malcolm Pay — 2 ducks in 15 innings (13.33%) Matt Large sits well clear at the top with a fearsome 60% strike rate for failure, but with the season still to run there's plenty of time for the chasing pack to close the gap — or indeed to overtake him entirely, which in this club counts as a triumph through adversity. 🦆 Next fixture, next chance. The zero club never sleeps — see you all at the crease, or shortly thereafter.

Only two matches on the card this weekend, and the ducks proved uncharacteristically shy — but the Duck Club can still report one fresh addition to the ledger. Saturday 13th 1st XI v Horton Kirby CC (home) Jim Hall, coming in at number 8, was run out for nought, the club's solitary duck of the period. It's Jim's 2nd of the 1985 season and a remarkable 59th of an LPCC career now standing at 392 innings — good enough for 3rd place in the entire 1,066-strong all-time list, a spot most mortals could only dream, or have nightmares, of reaching. Fittingly, on this very day back in 1968, Paul Bowles (1965–1985) also fell for a duck against Beverley CC, Kent. Paul finished his own career on 44 ducks, good for 7th on the all-time roll and a two-time Duck of the Year in his own right (1966 and 1968). Some things, it seems, are written into the fixture list itself. Jim's honours cabinet barely has room left on the shelf. A paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club since his very first innings, he's a three-time Duck of the Year (1970, 1977 and, fittingly, this very season of 1985), a regular fixture in both the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top tens, a seasoned Tourist too, and a serial "Quacking Together" partner alongside Jon Harris, Martin Mears and Tim Thirkell, not to mention his exclusive "Only Two Quacks" double acts with Allan Cooper and Nigel Thirkell. He's also just one slot short of the coveted Full House, having now ducked in 10 of the 11 batting positions — number 8 today did nothing to close that gap. Sunday, mercifully, brought no further casualties — a rare weekend where the majority of Linton bats found their way past nought unmolested. Week in summary: 1 duck from 2 matches. Slim pickings for the zero club this week, but Jim Hall made sure the honours board didn't gather dust. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 3 ducks / 4 innings (75%) 2. Andrew Kember — 3 ducks / 11 innings (27.27%) 3. Jon Harris — 2 ducks / 9 innings (22.22%) 4. Jim Hall — 2 ducks / 14 innings (14.29%) 5. Adrian Simmonds — 1 duck / 1 innings (100%) Next weekend's fixtures await, and the exclusive zero club never sleeps. Bring your bats, gentlemen — and try, if you can bear to disappoint us, not to add to the tally. 🦆🍩

A quiet week down at Linton Park, and not in a good way. Three matches played across the period and, remarkably, not a single duck to report. Eleven fielding sides, countless overs bowled, and the Duck Club's talent scouts returned home entirely empty-handed. Somewhere out there a batsman edged one just wide of gully, or was dropped on nought, or simply had the good manners to get off the mark before anyone could measure him for a nought-shaped blazer — we may never know which, but the ledger stays untouched. It happens. Even the most prolific hunting grounds have their off weeks, and the exclusive zero club can hardly demand a fresh intake every few days — scarcity is, after all, most of the appeal. Consider it a fallow period for the art of not scoring, a chance for the current crop of specialists to catch their breath before the inevitable return to form. Rest assured the Duck Club's scouts remain vigilant. Somewhere on a Linton Park square this coming weekend, a batsman is already shaping up to play around a straight one, and normal service will resume. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard — 1985 - 🥇 Matt Large — 3 ducks from 4 innings, a startling 75%. Consistency of a very particular kind. - 🥈 Andrew Kember — 3 ducks from 11 innings, 27.27%. Steady work in the nought department. - 🥉 Jon Harris — 2 ducks from 9 innings, 22.22%. Building a case for triumph through adversity. - Adrian Simmonds — 1 duck from a single innings, a flawless 100%. In and out before anyone had settled. - Martin Mears — 1 duck from a single innings, also 100%. Two men on a perfect record nobody actually wants. Matt Large sits handsomely atop the pile for now, though with numbers that small the Duck of the Year race remains very much alive — one soft dismissal from any of the chasing pack and the whole table could turn on its head. So, for once, a week where the ducks evaded capture entirely. Enjoy the calm. It won't last — the next fixture is always just one loose shot away from restocking the honours board, and this correspondent will be watching every dismissal with the usual unhealthy interest. 🦆 0️⃣ 🏏

Only two ducks to report this week, both laid in the same nest against A Woollett XI on Saturday — but quality over quantity, as ever, is the Duck Club motto. 1st XI v A Woollett XI (home, Sat 30th) - Trevor Back went first, trapped lbw by Andy Woollett at first drop. It's his 1st duck of the season and 22nd of an increasingly distinguished career, moving him to 33rd of 1064 in the all-time ledger — a position he holds alongside membership of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, proof that Trevor can be got out anywhere, home or away, and usually is. He's also on nodding terms with the honours board via Quacking Together (with Jon Harris) and Only Two Quacks (with Allan Cooper). On this very day in 1956, R- Robinson made a near-identical trip back to the pavilion against St Lukes Maidstone CC — some anniversaries you just can't shake. - Sean Cook followed him down the same road, holing out c & b Mike Elworthy. His 1st of the season and 12th for the club from just 25 innings puts him 52nd of 1064 all time. Sean is a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having famously begun his Linton career with a nought, and once wore the Duck of the Year crown back in 1984 — old glories, but glories nonetheless. Keeping Trevor company through history, he too shares that 1956 echo — young Robinson clearly knew how to pick a day for it. A tidy little brace, both from the top order down through the middle, both against the touring Woollett XI, and both proof that one bad ball is all the Duck Club ever needs. Two matches played, two ducks laid — a modest 100% strike rate for the weekend's chroniclers, if nothing else. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇🍩 1. Matt Large — 3 ducks from 4 innings (75%) 2. Andrew Kember — 3 ducks from 11 innings (27.27%) 3. Jon Harris — 2 ducks from 9 innings (22.22%) 4. Adrian Simmonds — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 5. Martin Mears — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) Matt Large sits pretty at the top with a rate that would make most golfers blush, but the season's young yet and Andrew Kember is only one bad shot away from the summit. Next fixture awaits, and with it, no doubt, further contributions to the exclusive zero club. Pads on, guard taken, fingers crossed for a repeat performance — or, for the batsmen's sake, not. 🦆0️⃣

Three matches. Eleven-plus batting line-ups. Not a single nought to show for it. The Duck Hunting Season went out with its nets on Saturday, Sunday and beyond, and came home empty-handed every time. Somewhere out there, the zero club's finest turned up, took guard, and — in a shocking betrayal of house tradition — actually scored. The art of not scoring was, for one grim weekend, nowhere to be found. Let the record show: this is not the fixture list failing us. This is Linton batsmen, en masse, forgetting themselves. We can only hope it's a blip. 🍩 A Rare Fowl-Free Weekend No ducks. No pairs. No family affairs on the honours board this week — the Eloffs, the Mundells and friends can rest easy, their records safe for another round. Even the club's most reliable suppliers of nought found a way to get off the mark. Consistency of a very particular kind, briefly, went on holiday. Whether this represents a genuine improvement in application, or merely a temporary and suspicious outbreak of competence, remains to be seen. The Duck Club committee reserves judgement. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Matt Large — 3 ducks from 3 innings (100%) — perfect, unblemished, utterly without hope 2. Andrew Kember — 3 ducks from 11 innings (27.27%) — holding the chasing pack at arm's length 3. Jon Harris — 2 ducks from 9 innings (22.22%) — quietly accumulating 4. Adrian Simmonds — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) — a flawless start to a career of infinite promise 5. Martin Mears — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) — joins Adrian in the exclusive zero club on a debut to remember for all the wrong reasons Matt Large sits imperious at the summit with three ducks in three trips to the crease — a triumph through adversity that no one else has come close to matching this season. The chasing pack, Andrew Kember included, will be plotting their next visit to the crease with something less than confidence. 📅 Looking Ahead Normal service will surely resume. The zero club does not stay quiet for long, and somewhere on next weekend's card a batsman is already destined to walk out, take guard, and walk straight back in again. We watch. We wait. We celebrate. 🦆

Four fixtures on the card this week and the exclusive zero club processed exactly four new members, three of them arriving together in a single grim innings at Underriver. Consistency of a very particular kind on display throughout. Sunday NVKC — away at Underriver CC, 16th June Jim Hall departed first, caught behind off T Warren for his solitary duck of the summer so far — his 58th in senior colours from 388 innings, which keeps him lodged at 3rd on the club's all-time roll of dishonour. Jim's cabinet is already groaning with silverware of the wrong sort: Duck of the Year in 1970, 1977, and, rather ominously, 1985 itself — the reigning champion evidently intends to defend the crown. He also shares an "Only Two Quacks" bond with Allan Cooper, and the pair delivered on it in the most literal fashion, both back in the hutch in the same Underriver innings. On this very day in 1970, Cliff Anscombe was completing an identical assignment against Ozonair. Allan Cooper followed soon after, run out amid general confusion for his first duck of the year, his 32nd career nought from 214 innings and good for 15th all-time — a three-time "Only Two Quacks" veteran, now paired off with Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back alike. Fifteen years to the day since Cliff Anscombe's own effort against Ozonair, tradition was well served. Bringing up the treble, Matt Large fell at number 11, bowled by James Lister for his third duck in as many senior innings — a flawless, entirely unwanted 100% record since a debut duck earlier this season enrolled him in the Debutante Duck fraternity. Three from three vaults him straight to the top of the season standings. Cliff Anscombe, once again, was there first, back in 1970. 1st XI — home to Staplehurst CC, 20th June Jon Harris was bowled by I Pullen for his second duck of the season and a scarcely believable 60th of his career — 2nd on the entire 1062-strong all-time list, a single scalp behind the summit, from 403 innings. That total also completes his Full House board, a duck registered at every position from 1 to 11, alongside Duck of the Year honours in 1976, 1980 and 1981 and a well-worn seat in the "Quacking Together" and "Only Two Quacks" clubs. His relative Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own — evidently a family talent. On this day in 1970, Benny Bell was making his own duck against Hythe CC, twenty-nine short of where Jon now stands. Week in brief Four ducks from four matches, the whole harvest concentrated into just two fixtures — the other two games on the card came back entirely fowl-free, which will please precisely nobody in this newsletter. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Matt Large — 3 ducks in 3 innings (100%) - Andrew Kember — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.27%) - Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 9 innings (22.22%) - Adrian Simmonds — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) - Martin Mears — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) Matt Large sits pretty at the summit for now, but with Jon Harris just one duck from etching his name into the very top of Linton's all-time history, next weekend promises high drama for all the wrong reasons. See you at the crease 🏏🍩

Sheldwich CC visited Linton Park and left having done rather more damage with the ball than the scorecard modestly suggests. Three ducks fell in the same innings on Monday, a proper procession through the middle and tail, and the exclusive zero club welcomed its latest inductees in style. 🏏 1st XI v Sheldwich CC Tim Thirkell was first to go, bowled by Tim George at number 4, for his 1st duck of the season and 55th of an extraordinary career — good enough for 4th on the all-time list of 1062. Tim already holds Duck of the Year 1972, sits in the top 10 for Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck, and remains the club's only Full House member, dismissed for nought in every position from 1 to 11 at one time or another. He also shares Quacking Together honours with Jim Hall, and comes from proper duck stock — parent John (90 career ducks), sibling Nigel (32), sibling Simon (14) and relative Stuart (1) are all paid-up members of the family firm. On this very day back in 1973, Mike Iliffe (1966–1985, 43 ducks, 8th all-time) was doing exactly the same thing. Matt Large followed at 10, bowled Brian Beale, for his 2nd duck of the season — and, remarkably, his 2nd duck in just 2 career innings. A flawless 100% record so far, and already a Debutante Duck club member courtesy of his very first knock. Matt now sits agonisingly one slot short of Tim's Full House, having ducked at 10 of the 11 batting positions across his short career, and features in the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens. He too shares this date with Mike Iliffe's 1973 duck against Rumwood. Last but not nought, Adrian Simmonds departed for nought at number 11, bowled Tim George, on his very first senior innings for the club. A duck at the first time of asking is the purest possible welcome to the exclusive zero club, and Adrian is inducted straight into the Debutante Duck honours as a result. Fittingly, this fell on the anniversary of Mike Iliffe's 1973 duck — good company for a first outing. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks, one innings, one bowler (Tim George) doing for two of them. A lower-order collapse of the sort that keeps the Duck Club thriving even when the scorebook doesn't. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Andrew Kember — 3 ducks in 10 innings (30%) 2. Matt Large — 2 ducks in 2 innings (100%) 3. Adrian Simmonds — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) 4. Martin Mears — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) 5. Sean Charlton — 1 duck in 3 innings (33%) Andrew Kember holds a healthy lead at the top, but with three names already posting flawless 100% records this season, the Duck of the Year race is far from settled. Roll on the next fixture — the ducks are surely circling. 🦆

A quiet week for the hunters — four fixtures played, but the Duck Club's ledger moved only once, at J & E Hall CC on Saturday the 1st, where the 1st XI contrived to lose three wickets for nought apiece inside the same innings. A proper cluster. 🏏 Saturday 1st June — 1st XI v J & E Hall CC (Home) Malcolm Pay was bowled by D Hawkings for his 1st duck of the summer and 24th of a long LPCC career spanning 227 innings, holding him at 28th in the all-time roll of dishonour. He now sits level on 24 with Dick Langridge (1943–1963, 173 innings) — and, by a neat quirk of the calendar, shares his dismissal date with Rev W A Carr, who also made a duck, against Maidstone CC's 1st Innings, on this very day back in 1903. Sibling Colin Pay, himself a member of the club with a career duck to his name, will know the feeling. Simon Thirkell went caught and bowled by C Gurney for his 1st duck of the season and 14th of his career in 54 innings, good enough for 46th on the all-time list. Simon is a paid-up member of the 50 Before a 50 club (59 ducks, high score 48), was crowned Duck of the Year in 1983, and features on both the Ducks on the Road and Tourist Duck top tens — a well-travelled collector of noughts. The surname runs deep at Linton: father John already has 90 career ducks banked, brother Tim isn't far behind on 54, and brother Nigel adds a further 32 — a genuine dynasty of the dreaded zero. Simon too walked out on the same day Rev W A Carr once did, in 1903. Steve Cheale rounded things off, trapped lbw by C Gurney, for his 1st duck of the season and 5th of his career in just 19 innings, 111th on the all-time chart. Steve's board carries the Retirement Duck honour, a reminder that somewhere down the line a Linton career signed off on a nought — though nothing to suggest this is that day. Brother David Cheale keeps him company with 3 career ducks of his own, and Steve too shares his date with the 1903 vintage of Rev W A Carr. The other three fixtures of the week passed off entirely duck-free — everyone, however modestly, troubled the scorers. 📋 Week in summary: three ducks from four matches, the lot of them bunched into one unlucky innings against J & E Hall — misery loving company, as ever. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1985 - Andrew Kember — 8 innings, 3 ducks (37.5%) - Martin Mears — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - Matt Large — 1 innings, 1 duck (100%) - Sean Charlton — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) - Simon Thirkell — 2 innings, 1 duck (50%) Kember holds the lead on volume, but Mears and Large are lurking on a flawless record, and Simon Thirkell has already banked this week's contribution. Plenty of season left for the chasing pack — same time next week, ducks permitting. 🦆🍩

Three fixtures on the go this weekend and the ducks, it must be said, mostly gave Linton Park a wide berth. Only one soul made the long walk back to the pavilion for nought — but what he lacked in company, he made up for in history. Saturday 25 May — 1st XI at Castle Hill CC, Kent Bob Lines strode out at number two away at Castle Hill and departed the way most number twos dread most — caught Richard Beale, bowled I Mosley, for nought. It's Bob's 1st duck of the 1985 season and the 2nd of his career in 41 innings, nudging him to 186th of 1061 in the club's all-time roll of dubious distinction. No board memberships to his name yet, but the exclusive zero club never turns away a paid-up member. Neatly enough, on this very date back in 1970, club great Frank Brattle — 38 career ducks across a run from 1937 to 1971, and 10th of 1061 all-time — was also walking back for nought, his against Bearsted CC. Fifteen years apart, same calendar day, same particular art of not scoring. Cricket has a sense of humour. The rest of the weekend Elsewhere, the other two fixtures were a disappointingly vegan affair — not a single duck to be found, wickets falling to actual batting rather than the more celebrated alternative. Can't win them all, or rather, in this case, almost everyone rather inconveniently did. A quiet weekend by Duck Club standards, just the one addition to the tally, but a historically resonant one. Season total nudges forward while the real drama stays with the leaderboard below. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Andrew Kember — 3 ducks in 7 innings (43%) 🥈 Martin Mears — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) 🥉 Matt Large — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) 4. Sean Charlton — 1 duck in 1 innings (100%) 5. Brian Piper — 1 duck in 3 innings (33%) Three names sitting on a perfect 100% strike rate this season — a rarefied form of consistency indeed. Andrew Kember holds the lead for now, though with figures like those above him, the crown could change hands at any moment. Next fixture beckons, and with it, no doubt, fresh recruits to the club nobody wants to join but everybody secretly enjoys reading about. 🦆🍩0️⃣

Two Linton Park fixtures on the books this weekend, but only one troubled the scorer for the wrong reasons: a trio of quacks at Headcorn CC on the Saturday saw the 1st XI's middle and lower order fold in thoroughly traditional fashion, while Sunday passed serenely, almost suspiciously, duck-free. 🏏 1st XI at Headcorn CC In at first drop, Andrew Kember was bowled by Richard Chapman for his 3rd duck of the season — and with career ducks also standing at exactly 3 from a mere 5 innings, a neat and slightly alarming symmetry. Andrew is already a paid-up member of two of the club's rarer honours boards: the Debutante Duck, for a blob on his very first Linton innings, and the exclusive Quack-to-Quack double alongside it — standing curiosities from earlier in his career rather than anything new. He sits 140th of 1061 in the all-time table and, at this rate, will not stay there long. On this very date in 1957, William Blight (1953–1959) also strolled back for nought, against Gore Court CC — some things about mid-May evidently never change. At number 8, Martin Mears edged behind off Alastair Lee for his 1st duck of the campaign, his 14th in Linton colours from 72 innings. That tally puts him level with club stalwart Brian Piper (1973–1985), who reached the same 14 across a mighty 224 innings, and 45th on the all-time list. Martin, too, keeps company with William Blight's 1957 effort on this same calendar date. And completing the collapse at number 9, Jon Harris — caught J Chell, bowled Alastair Lee — chalked up his 1st duck of the season and, remarkably, his 59th career duck, good enough for 2nd of 1061 all time. Second in the entire club's history is not a rank one stumbles into by accident, and Jon's honours board reads like a small museum wing: three Duck of the Year titles (1976, 1980 and 1981), the fabled Full House for a duck at every position 1 to 11, top-ten places in the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road categories, plus shared quacking honours with Jim Hall, Allan Cooper and Trevor Back. His father Richard Harris isn't far behind either, on 36 career ducks of his own — evidently an eye for the art of not scoring runs in the family. Jon shares this day in history with William Blight's 1957 vintage as well, making it three Linton men echoing the same afternoon twenty-eight years apart. 📋 Week in Summary Three ducks from one match, all supplied by the 1st XI's engine room at Headcorn — positions 2, 8 and 9 present and correct. The Sunday fixture, disappointingly, offered the bowlers nothing at all. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Andrew Kember — 5 inns, 3 ducks (60%) 2. Martin Mears — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) 3. Matt Large — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) 4. Sean Charlton — 1 inn, 1 duck (100%) 5. Brian Piper — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) Andrew leads on volume, but with three names already boasting a flawless 100% strike rate, the 1985 Duck of the Year race remains anybody's to lose. The exclusive zero club keeps its doors open, as ever — see you all at the next fixture, bat raised in hope. 🦆

A weekend of rare and frankly troubling news from the Duck Club desk: nothing to report. Two fixtures played, eleven-a-side twice over, and not a single soul obliged us with a nought. Every bat that walked to the middle found its way off the mark, leaving the honours board gathering dust and this correspondent reaching for a very short notebook. Whether this was due to generous bowling, flat pitches, or a sudden and uncharacteristic outbreak of competence up and down the order, we cannot say. What we can say is that the exclusive zero club held no inductions this weekend — a genuine dry spell, and not one anyone will be putting on a trophy cabinet. Rest assured, this drought is not expected to last. The species is resilient, the top order fallible, and Duck Hunting Season remains very much open. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Andrew Kember — 2 ducks from 4 innings (50%) 🥈 Matt Large — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 🥈 Sean Charlton — 1 duck from 1 innings (100%) 4️⃣ Brian Piper — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) 4️⃣ David Iliffe — 1 duck from 2 innings (50%) Andrew Kember leads the way on raw tally, but spare a thought — or perhaps a wry smile — for Matt Large and Sean Charlton, both boasting a flawless 100% strike rate in the art of not scoring. Triumph through adversity, gentlemen. Long may it continue, or indeed not. As ever, the ducks are out there somewhere, biding their time. Get down to the next fixture, bring your bat, and give the club something worth quacking about. 🍩0️⃣🏏

A fairly quiet week at Linton Park, but Bearsted Green settled all the week's business in one sitting. The 1st XI's trip away to Bearsted CC produced a full five ducks in a single innings — Robin Cunningham alone accounted for three of them, a proper poultry treble tucked into one scorebook. 1st XI at Bearsted CC Brian Piper fell early at number two, caught Dudhill bowled Cunningham, for his 1st duck of the season and 14th of a career now sitting 42nd of 1061 in the all-time table — a spot his sibling David Piper (6 career ducks) can only admire from a respectful distance. On this very day back in 1979, Ross Brice was doing much the same thing against Chatham Nomads CC, part of a career that would land him 11 ducks and the 1979 Duck of the Year title. In at three, Andrew Kember departed caught Lambert bowled Court for his 2nd duck of the season, moving to 2 career ducks from just 3 innings. He's already a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck and Quack-to-Quack honours boards from earlier in his brief career — though evidently the story isn't over yet, given he was back out there to add to it. Andrew, too, keeps company with Ross Brice's 1979 stroll back to the Chatham Nomads pavilion. David Iliffe, at six, was bowled by Cunningham for his 1st duck of the season and 28th of his career, good enough for 21st all-time. A former Duck of the Year (1982), David also holds the rare Quacked by Kin board, having been undone that same season by parent Mike Iliffe, who has 43 career ducks of his own to his name. Fittingly, this was also the day in 1979 that Ross Brice made his own contribution to the Chatham Nomads scorebook. Sean Charlton marked his first-ever senior innings with a duck, bowled by E 'Ted' Holloway — not the knock he'll have dreamed of, but a seat on the Debutante Duck honours board secured all the same. Ross Brice, funnily enough, was making his own nought against Chatham Nomads on this exact date in 1979. And completing the collapse, Matt Large also made his LPCC bow a scoreless one, bowled Cunningham for nought. Matt joins the Debutante Duck ranks and arrives already decorated — top ten places in the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road standings, plus a nearly-man's spot in the Full House table on 10 of 11 batting positions. Two debutants, two ducks, one afternoon. And yes, on this day in 1979 Ross Brice completed the set too. Week in Summary Three matches, five ducks, all crammed into one doomed innings at Bearsted — Robin Cunningham's figures alone ought to carry a health warning. No pairs and no family affairs to report this week, though with two fresh debutants the honours boards will need dusting off again soon. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Andrew Kember — 3 inns, 2 ducks (67%) - Matt Large — 1 inns, 1 duck (100%) - Sean Charlton — 1 inns, 1 duck (100%) - Brian Piper — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) - David Iliffe — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) Early days yet in the 1985 hunting season, plenty of poultry still to come. See you at the next fixture, ducks — the club always keeps a seat warm at the crease. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Barely a fortnight into the new season and the Duck Club already has its first inductees of 1985 — a full Penshurst Park special, with the top order back in the shed before the tea urn had even warmed up. 🏏 Saturday 27th — 1st XI v Penshurst Park CC (h) a-E Robertson removed both home openers inside the first exchanges, a rare double strike that gave the Duck Club its opening entries of the summer in one over. Paul Bowles went first, bowled Robertson for a blob — his 1st duck of the new season and the 44th of a genuinely stately career, taking him to 619 innings and 7th on the all-time list of 1059. A two-time Duck of the Year (1966 and 1968), a fixture of the Ducks on the Road top 10, and one half of Only Two Quacks alongside Adam Pooley, Bowles wears the art of not scoring with real distinction. On this very date in 1968, Cliff Anscombe (1957–1975) was also completing a duck, and sits eternally on 25 — 25th all-time — a kindred spirit separated by seventeen years and a calendar coincidence. Next man in fared no better. Andrew Kember, on debut, faced one ball from Robertson and was bowled by it — a golden duck, out first ball, the purest possible way to begin a career. It is his maiden senior innings, and with it comes instant, involuntary membership of the Debutante Duck club — 276th of 1059 and already on the board before he'd found his guard. Fittingly, this same date in 1980 saw David Iliffe make his own duck against Chatham Nomads CC, en route to a Duck of the Year gong two years later — some debutants do take the scenic route. 🌱 Sunday 28th The second fixture of the weekend passed off entirely duck-free — whatever Robertson found on Saturday clearly didn't travel. 📊 Week in Summary Two ducks from two matches, both at Penshurst Park, both to the same bowler, in the same over — a proper opening statement for the 1985 campaign. Early days yet, but the season's Duck Hunting race already has its first two names inked in. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Andrew Kember — 1 inns, 1 duck (100%) 2. Paul Bowles — 2 inns, 1 duck (50%) Plenty of season left for both to be joined, chased down, or — heaven forbid — overtaken. Next fixture awaits its own contributions to the cause. The Duck Club never sleeps. 🦆🍩