🦆 The Duck Pond

A quiet weekend for the Duck Hunting fraternity, but not one entirely without incident. Season 1980 drew towards its close with a single fixture on the books, and thankfully — for the sake of tradition — it did not pass without one gentleman adding his name to the ledger. 🏏 1st XI v Lordswood CC Martin Thompson, walking in at four, departed lbw to Henderson Carrington for his second duck of the season and his sixth for the club. Martin now sits 89th in Linton's all-time roll of dishonour from 43 innings — proof that even a steady career can be punctuated, more than once a summer, by the pure art of not scoring. He remains, and has long been, a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck club, that most solemn of honours reserved for those who once bowed out for nought at a past Linton farewell — no danger of that repeating itself today, one trusts. On this very day back in 1964, Robert Murray — who turned out for Linton between 1958 and 1965 and finished with 17 career ducks, good enough for 35th on the all-time list — also trudged off for nought against Linton Park CC. Sixteen years on to the day, history quietly rhymes. 📊 Week in Summary One match, one duck. A restrained showing by Duck Club standards, but a showing nonetheless — the zero club never truly closes for business, even on the quietest of weekends. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 7 ducks / 31 innings (22.58%) 2. David Iliffe — 6 ducks / 19 innings (31.58%) 3. Ross Brice — 5 ducks / 15 innings (33.33%) 4. Tim Thirkell — 5 ducks / 34 innings (14.71%) 5. Allan Cooper — 3 ducks / 21 innings (14.29%) Jon Harris still commands the summit, though David Iliffe's alarming one-in-three strike rate suggests this race is far from run. The rest of the club stands warned — the next fixture waits for no one, and the ducks are always circling. 🍩 Bring your bats, gentlemen. Or don't. It rather adds to the fun. 🦆

Two fixtures on the books this weekend, and the club's exclusive zero club welcomed just the one new entry — proof, if it were needed, that even a modest two-match slate can still produce a moment of pure, uncluttered failure. 1st XI — Anchorians CC (Sunday) David Iliffe strode out at number eight and departed for nought, caught by R. Durbridge off the bowling of Derek Underwood. It's the 6th duck of David's season and the 10th of his career from 35 innings, lodging him at a very respectable 53rd of 994 in the all-time standings — a place of genuine, dubious distinction. Curiously, on this very calendar day back in 1958, LPCC stalwart Stan Wratten also trudged off for a duck of his own against Tilling Steven, one of 35 he amassed across a career running 1943 to 1980 (good for 11th all-time, and a paid-up member of the "Quacking Together" honours board alongside John Ames). Some anniversaries write themselves. Worth a mention too that David isn't the only quack in the family tree — his kin Mike Iliffe carries 41 career ducks of his own, a fine bit of ornithological pedigree passed down. Elsewhere on the card, the other fixture passed off entirely fowl-free — all eleven batted, none troubled the Duck Club, the ledger untouched. Week in Summary One duck from two matches is a quiet weekend by Duck Club standards, but David's contribution keeps him firmly lodged in the season's top two — and with 19 innings already yielding 6 ducks, a strike rate north of 31% suggests there's plenty more sport to come before the season's out. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 7 ducks in 30 innings (23.33%) 2. David Iliffe — 6 ducks in 19 innings (31.58%) 3. Ross Brice — 5 ducks in 14 innings (35.71%) 4. Tim Thirkell — 5 ducks in 33 innings (15.15%) 5. Allan Cooper — 3 ducks in 21 innings (14.29%) Jon Harris holds a narrow lead at the summit, but David Iliffe's alarming conversion rate means nobody in the dressing room should feel safe. The season draws on — who joins the roll of dishonour next? Same time next fixture, ducks permitting. 🦆🏏0️⃣

A tidy little haul this week: five ducks in three matches, and the season table has suddenly gone very interesting indeed. Saturday 13th - 1st XI away at Southborough CC David Iliffe walked in at nine and departed first ball, lbw to Martin Thomas — a proper golden duck, no messing about. It's his 9th for the club from 33 innings, tucking him in at 59th on the all-time list. Neat symmetry on the fixture card too: on this very day in 1975, club record-holder John Thirkell (90 ducks, still top of the pile) also fell for nought against Southborough. And keep an eye on the surname — Iliffe joins the ledger alongside kinsman Mike Iliffe, who has quietly amassed 41 career ducks of his own. Sunday 14th - 1st XI at home to Northend Two for the price of one at home. Andy Woollett opened his account at number four, lbw for nought — his first career duck from 23 innings, and 257th on the all-time list with plenty of climbing room. Ross Brice went one further, caught by P Francis off B East for his 5th of the season and 11th career duck, keeping fine company as reigning Duck of the Year 1979. Both share a curious slice of calendar trivia: 22 years to the day earlier, in 1958, Stan Wratten (35 career ducks) made his own nought against Tunbridge Wells CC. Wednesday 17th - Midweek XI away at The Mote CC The Mote proved a happy hunting ground. David Carden edged behind for 0, his 2nd of the season and 4th career duck, 110th all-time. And Jim Hall, a name that barely needs introducing round these parts, was bowled by Terry Holloway for his 2nd of the season — but his 45th career duck, good enough for 6th on the all-time list. Hall's honours board reads like a tasting menu: two-time Duck of the Year 1970 and 1977, fixtures on the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens, and a Full House nearly-man just one position shy of the complete set. Both Mote victims share history's calendar: on this same day in 1972, John Thirkell was dismissed for nought against Mersham Hatch — the great man simply will not leave this report alone. Week in summary Five ducks, three matches, one very busy Wednesday. The real story is the season table — David Iliffe and Ross Brice both moved up to 5 season ducks this week, drawing level with Tim Thirkell and setting up a proper three-way scrap for the runners-up spot behind Jon Harris. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 7 ducks, 29 innings, 24.14% 2. Ross Brice — 5 ducks, 12 innings, 41.67% 2. David Iliffe — 5 ducks, 17 innings, 29.41% 2. Tim Thirkell — 5 ducks, 32 innings, 15.63% 5. Allan Cooper — 3 ducks, 20 innings, 15.0% Next fixture, more victims for the exclusive zero club. See you all out there 🍩0️⃣🏏

A quiet weekend for the exclusive zero club, and not the good kind of quiet. Four fixtures played across the period and, remarkably, all 22-odd batsmen involved found a way to trouble the scorers at least once. Not a single nought to report. The art of not scoring, it seems, took the weekend off. We won't pretend this isn't mildly suspicious. Four full games and nobody managed so much as a golden duck? Somewhere out there a batsman edged one through the slips that should, by rights, have gone straight to hand. The Duck Club Committee notes the anomaly and will be watching next week's card very closely indeed. In the meantime, business as usual up at the top of the table, where the real work continues undisturbed by any weekend off. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1980 🥇 Jon Harris — 7 ducks from 27 innings (25.93%) 🥈 Tim Thirkell — 5 ducks from 32 innings (15.63%) 🥉 Ross Brice — 4 ducks from 11 innings, a startling 36.36% strike rate, triumph through adversity if ever there was one 4️⃣ David Iliffe — 4 ducks from 16 innings (25.00%) 5️⃣ Allan Cooper — 3 ducks from 19 innings (15.79%) Ross Brice in particular deserves a mention here — better than one duck in three visits to the crease is a consistency of a very particular kind, and the chasing pack should take note before he pulls further clear. 🍩 So there it is — a rare blank week on the Duck Club books. Enjoy the calm while it lasts, because with the season drawing in and Jon Harris setting the pace up top, normal service will surely resume at the next fixture. The zero club never stays closed for long. 0️⃣🏏🦆

Five ducks hit the water across three fixtures as the season heads into its final stretch, headlined by a spectacular top-and-tail collapse on tour in Cornwall. Let's get into it. Saturday 30 August — 1st XI v British Rail Ashford (h) David Carden departed at first drop, caught A Owen off J Jenkins, without scoring. It's his 1st duck of the season and 3rd of a career now 53 innings deep, good (or bad) enough for 134th on the all-time list. On this very day back in 1965, Frank Brattle — 38 ducks across a career spanning 1937 to 1971, 9th all-time — was performing the identical trick against Bearsted CC. Some Linton Park traditions are handed down through the generations. Sunday 31 August — 1st XI v Staplehurst CC (a) Allan Cooper edged behind at four, caught John Hughes off John Munn, for his 3rd duck of the season and 25th of a thoroughly decorated LPCC career — 21st all-time from 144 innings. Cooper's name is already inked twice into the honours board for shared quacking, alongside both Jim Hall and Jon Harris — fitting, since both were about to catch him up (see below). On this day in 1974, Mike Iliffe — 41 ducks, 1966 to 1980, 7th all-time — fell exactly the same way against Whitstable. Friday 5 September — Tour XI v Cornwall Crusaders (a) The end-of-season tour to Cornwall was rather less restful than advertised for the top and tail of the Tour XI order. Openers Paul Bowles and Jim Hall fell in matching fashion, both bowled by H James without scoring — a new-ball double strike guaranteed to delight the Crusaders and unsettle everyone else. For Bowles, a 1st duck of the season and a hefty 33rd career nought, 14th all-time from 428 innings, adding to a cabinet already containing Duck of the Year honours from 1966 and 1968. For Hall, also his 1st of the season, it's a mighty 44th career duck — 6th all-time — and a name already sat on the Duck of the Year 1980 board among a wall of others, including one for "nearly" completing the Full House at 10 of 11 positions. Then, as the innings wound down, last man Jon Harris was run out — "unsurely", says the book — for his 7th duck of the season, stretching his lead at the top of the season table. It's his 48th career duck, 3rd on the all-time roll, and with position 11 now ticked off, it completes his own Full House — a duck recorded at every batting position from 1 to 11. A chip off an unlucky block, too: his relative Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own in Linton Park colours. Remarkably, all three Tour XI victims share the same historical echo: David T Lowen, who made his own duck on this exact calendar date in 1970, against A. Trembeths. Three ducks, one innings, one ghost from a decade earlier watching on approvingly. Week in summary Five ducks from three matches, three of them arriving in a single unfortunate Tour XI innings. The 1st XI contributed one apiece across their weekend fixtures. A tidy week's work for the exclusive zero club. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Jon Harris — 24 innings, 7 ducks, 29.17% - Tim Thirkell — 28 innings, 5 ducks, 17.86% - Ross Brice — 9 innings, 4 ducks, 44.44% - David Iliffe — 16 innings, 4 ducks, 25.0% - Allan Cooper — 17 innings, 3 ducks, 17.65% Jon Harris holds a commanding lead at the top, but with the season still to run there's plenty of time for a late surge from the chasing pack. 🏏 See you all at the next fixture — the ducks, as ever, will be waiting. 🦆0️⃣

Four matches on the fixture list this week and the Duck Club's attentions fell squarely on the 1st XI, who contrived not one but two separate top-order collapses to keep the honours board busy. A quiet week for the rest of the club — but quality over quantity, as ever, in this exclusive zero club. 🏏 Saturday 23rd — v Downham & Bellingham CC Graham Cove departed for nought, caught Mick Goddard bowled Geoff Goddard at first wicket down — his 1st duck of the season and 2nd of a career now standing at 27 innings, good enough for 192nd on the all-time list. Graham is a card-carrying member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell, so no danger of him actually walking off into the sunset today. Spookily, on this very day in 1952, D Simmons was doing precisely the same thing against Charles Arkcoll — 28 years apart, same script. Not to be left out, John Bloomfield followed at number 7, caught R Clarke bowled Adam Cannon, his 2nd of the season and 9th career duck from 42 innings — up to 60th all-time. He too finds himself in the company of D Simmons, who marked this exact date in 1952 the same unproductive way. And rounding off a torrid innings, last man Ross Brice was bowled by Stewart Barnes for his 4th duck of the season — a hefty tally that already has him 3rd in the current Duck Hunting Season standings — and 10th of a career now on 24 innings, 55th all-time. Ross remains a former Duck of the Year from 1979, a title he'll be eyeing again if this form continues. Fittingly, D Simmons rounds out the trio of 1952 company for a third time today. 🏏 Sunday 24th — v Old Anchorians CC The headline act: Tim Thirkell, bowled by B Heather, recorded his 5th duck of the season and a colossal 46th of an career spanning 374 innings — good enough for 5th on the all-time leaderboard, a genuine club legend of the art of not scoring. Tim's honours cabinet groans under the weight of it: Duck of the Year 1972, Full House (a duck at every position 1 to 11 — true consistency of a very particular kind), plus top-ten standing in both the Homebody and Lone Duck categories, and a shared Quacking Together entry with Jim Hall. A proper family affair too — his father John Thirkell sits on a mighty 90 career ducks, with siblings Nigel (28) and Simon (1) also paid-up members, so ducking is clearly hereditary round the Thirkell household. On this same day back in 1968, Benny Bell was also dismissed for nought, against Aylesford Paper Mills CC, en route to 30 career ducks of his own. 📊 Week in Summary Four ducks from four fixtures, every single one landing in the 1st XI camp — the top and tail of the order both took a hit, with Graham, John and Ross clearing out the top order on Saturday before Tim kept the tradition alive on Sunday. The 2nds, 3rds and 4th XIs, meanwhile, enjoyed a rare and suspicious spell of scoring actual runs. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jon Harris — 22 innings, 6 ducks, 27.27% - Tim Thirkell — 27 innings, 5 ducks, 18.52% - Ross Brice — 8 innings, 4 ducks, 50.0% - David Iliffe — 15 innings, 4 ducks, 26.67% - Malcolm Pay — 24 innings, 3 ducks, 12.5% With Ross Brice's 50% strike rate and Tim Thirkell closing the gap on Jon Harris, the race for Duck of the Year is very much alive. Next fixture brings fresh opportunity for glory through adversity — get your bats out, gentlemen, the Club is watching. 🦆🍩

Five new members were inducted into cricket's most exclusive zero club this week, spread across three fixtures. The art of not scoring was alive and well at Linton Park. 🏏 Saturday 16th — St Luke's (H) Stan Wratten got the ball rolling, caught Underhill bowled Hoare, for his 1st duck of the season and 35th of a long and storied career — good enough for 11th on the all-time list of 992. Stan already shares Quacking Together honours with the legendary John Ames, and fittingly it was on this very day back in 1953 that Ames himself ducked against Mote A, en route to 49 career noughts and 2nd place all-time. Moments later Ross Brice fell to the same bowler, bowled Hoare, for his 3rd duck of the season and 9th of his career — reigning Duck of the Year for 1979, and still adding to the trophy cabinet. Ross, too, walks in Ames' footsteps from that same 1953 afternoon. 🏏 Sunday 17th — Whitstable CC (A) David Iliffe, caught Robertson bowled Drinkwater, brought up his 4th duck of the season and 8th of his career, 67th all-time. David's father Mike carries 41 career ducks of his own — the family clearly has an eye for line and length, just not the bat to match. On this day in 1969, Percy Brattle also perished against Mote A, going on to be crowned that year's Duck of the Year with 16 to his name. 🌙 Wednesday 20th — Gravesend CC (A), Midweek XI A rare midweek brace. Gareth Thomas, caught Myers bowled Bowen, opened his account with duck number 1 of both season and career — he's already a standing member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell, so no pressure on this one. Back in 1944, W Bunting made his own duck against KCC Maidstone on this exact date. Simon Thirkell followed, caught by a fielder the books never named, bowled Bowen, also his 1st season and career duck. Simon arrives with pedigree hard to match — father John sits on 90 career ducks, brothers Tim and Nigel on 45 and 28 respectively, and Simon himself already features on the Ducks on the Road and Tourist Duck top ten boards. The Thirkell name is never far from the honours list. Like Gareth, his duck landed on the very date W Bunting made his, back in 1944. 📊 Week in Summary Three matches, five ducks, and not a golden one among them — everybody at least troubled the scorer's pencil before departing for nought. Hoare and Bowen each claimed a brace with the ball, and both the Iliffe and Thirkell duck dynasties had representatives on parade. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 6 ducks / 20 innings (30.0%) 2. David Iliffe — 4 ducks / 13 innings (30.77%) 3. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks / 25 innings (16.0%) 4. Ross Brice — 3 ducks / 7 innings (42.86%) 5. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks / 23 innings (13.04%) Ross Brice's 42.86% strike rate for nought keeps him dangerously golden-duck-adjacent, while Jon Harris holds the overall lead as the season enters its final stretch. 🦆 Same time next week, no doubt more names for the board 🍩. Until then — mind that first ball.

A quiet weekend on the Duck Hunting front, members. Two fixtures went ahead across Saturday and Sunday and, remarkably, all involved parties contrived to trouble the scorer at least once each. Not a single nought to report anywhere in the club. The zero club's exclusive membership committee sat idle. No fresh entries to the honours board, no golden ducks, no pairs, no families united in shared ignominy — just batsmen, infuriatingly, getting off the mark. The art of not scoring took a rare weekend off. Let it not be said the Duck Club rests easy, though. Somewhere out there a batsman was surely one好ball away from glory and simply failed to deliver. We shall be watching next week's card with renewed vigour. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 1. Jon Harris — 6 ducks in 19 innings (31.58%) — the pace-setter, hunting with real conviction this season 2. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks in 24 innings (16.67%) — steady accumulation of the wrong kind of runs 3. David Iliffe — 3 ducks in 12 innings (25.0%) — a quarter of his innings ending in the classic zero 4. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks in 23 innings (13.04%) — quietly keeping pace 5. Ross Brice — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.33%) — the division's most alarming strike rate, one in three visits to the crease ending in a walk back Jon Harris sits proudly atop the table as the season enters its business end, with Ross Brice lurking as the dark horse on pure percentage terms. Plenty of cricket left for the standings to be shaken up yet. 🏏 So — evasive fowl this week, but the season is young and the club's finest are still out there hunting. Get to the middle next weekend and do your bit for the cause. The ducks can't hide forever. 0️⃣🦆

A quiet week by the exclusive zero club's usual standards: three matches played, and the ducks proved uncharacteristically shy, offering up just the two additions to the honours ledger. Still, quality over quantity, as those inducted below will no doubt insist. Saturday 2 August — 1st XI v Bidborough CC John Bloomfield strode out at number 7 and departed via the always-embarrassing c & b David Tolhurst, a dismissal that requires no assistance from a fielder and therefore no one else to blame. It's his first duck of the 1980 season and the 8th of a career now standing at 39 innings, tucking him in at 69th of 989 in the all-time table — respectable company in the art of not scoring. Spookily, on this very day back in 1944, E Humphreys was doing much the same thing against the National Fire Service Overseas Contingent, also picking up his solitary career duck. Some anniversaries you plan for. This wasn't one of them. Wednesday 6 August — Midweek XI v Police 'A' Alan Randall, promoted to number 2, was bowled by Paul Kinnill without troubling the scorers — his first senior duck, arriving in only his third innings for the club. He carries the presumptive Retirement Duck honour on the books from a past chapter of his Linton career, though we're making no announcements on his behalf here — the locker stays exactly where it is. On this same date in 1975, Paul Brattle was also walking back for nought, against Sennocke CC, en route to a career tally of 25 and a paid-up spot in the Debutante Duck club. Week in Summary Two ducks from three matches — a rare spell of restraint from the Duck Club's usual productivity. No pairs, no king pairs, and certainly no family affairs this week. The bowlers of Bidborough and the Police will be quietly satisfied; everyone else will simply note that the reservoir is refilling nicely for next time. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 6 ducks / 18 innings (33.33%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks / 22 innings (18.18%) 3. David Iliffe — 3 ducks / 12 innings (25.00%) 4. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks / 22 innings (13.64%) 5. Ross Brice — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) Jon Harris holds a commanding lead at the top of the tree, with Tim Thirkell's ever-reliable consistency keeping him honest in second. Plenty of season left for the also-rans to make their move. 🦆 See you all at the next fixture — the ducks never sleep for long, and neither, it seems, do the bowlers who love feeding them.

A quiet weekend for the Duck Club numerically, but what it lacked in volume it made up for in pedigree — when Linton's most decorated collector of noughts is involved, one duck is worth ten from anybody else. 🏏 Saturday 26 July — 1st XI away at High Halstow CC Jon Harris, promoted to number 10, departed for a duck — caught Paul Whelan, bowled R Brown. This is Jon's 6th duck of the summer, and it keeps him firmly on track for a second Duck of the Year crown to sit alongside the one he already claimed in 1976. The club's honours board already has him down for 1980 too, so consider this innings the engine room of that title rather than any surprise. Career-wise this is duck number 47 from 287 innings, holding him at a frankly imperious 4th of 988 in the all-time standings — one place outside the podium and showing no sign of easing off. A fully paid-up member of the Full House club (having now ducked from every position 1 through 11), Jon is also a fixture on the Tourist Duck, Homebody Duck, Lone Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens, and carries past duo honours alongside both Jim Hall and Trevor Back in the Quacking Together files. He remains, as ever, a founding Debutante Duck too, having opened his senior account with a nought many summers back. And rather beautifully — on this very day in 1940, J Short also trudged off for nought, against Boughton Monchelsea CC. The calendar, it seems, has always had a taste for ceremony. A word for the family too: kinsman Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own, so the surname is well represented in the exclusive zero club. 🌱 Elsewhere The other two fixtures in the period passed off disappointingly duck-free — a rare show of competence from the rest of the club that we shan't dwell on. 📊 Week in Summary One duck from three matches is a modest return, but when it's Jon Harris doing the returning, quality trumps quantity. The season duck count ticks quietly onward. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 18 innings, 6 ducks, 33.33% 2. Tim Thirkell — 21 innings, 4 ducks, 19.05% 3. David Iliffe — 12 innings, 3 ducks, 25.0% 4. Malcolm Pay — 20 innings, 3 ducks, 15.0% 5. Ross Brice — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% Jon holds a commanding lead at the top, but the season isn't done yet — plenty of time for the chasing pack to make their move. Next fixture, same invitation as always: bat first, worry about the runs later. 🦆🍩0️⃣

A quiet weekend for the exclusive zero club, ladies and gentlemen. Two matches played, and the ducks mostly kept their heads down — but one soul did answer the call. 🏏 1st XI v West Farleigh CC (Home, Monday 21st July) Coming in at number 8, Martin Thompson found Eric Mitchell in irresistible form and departed without troubling the scorers — his first duck of the 1980 season and the 5th of his career from 36 innings. That tally places him a very respectable 98th of 986 in the all-time roll of dishonour, and he does it as a paid-up member of the club's Retirement Duck honours board — though evidently his "farewell" duck didn't quite take, since here he still is in 1980, giving it another go. Splendidly, on this very same date back in 1957, John Waters — a Park stalwart from 1951 to 1963 — also strolled back for nought, against John Larkings, one of three career ducks that earned him 145th spot in the all-time standings. The art of not scoring, it seems, respects an anniversary. 📅 Elsewhere The second fixture of the period passed off duck-free — a rare outbreak of competence that we shall not dwell on further. One duck from two matches is a lean return by the club's usual standards of dubious distinction, but consistency, as ever, is consistency of a very particular kind: sometimes it means everyone gets a duck, and sometimes it means almost nobody does. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 5 ducks in 17 innings (29.41%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks in 19 innings (21.05%) 3. David Iliffe — 3 ducks in 12 innings (25.00%) 4. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks in 19 innings (15.79%) 5. Ross Brice — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.33%) Jon Harris holds a narrow lead in this season's race for the crown, but with Tim Thirkell breathing down his neck and Ross Brice quietly posting the division's most alarming percentage, nothing is settled yet. 🦆 A thin week for the collection, but the season is young and the fixtures keep coming. Get out to the middle, gentlemen — the Duck Club always has room for new members, and the honours board never sleeps.

A remarkably restrained week for the Duck Club. Four matches contested, and the ducks mostly kept their heads down — bar one immaculate exception on the Friday. 🌙 Midweek XI — Detours CC, 18 July Trevor Back strode out at five and departed the way so many before him have, caught G Marshall, bowled B Kingston, without troubling the scoreboard. It's his second duck of the season and the 14th of an increasingly distinguished LPCC career, now sat 41st of 986 in the all-time table from 86 innings — a record built with the quiet consistency of a man who treats a nought as a personal brand. Trevor is no stranger to the honours boards, holding places in both the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top tens — evidently he manages to duck perfectly well without even leaving home. He also shares billing in Only Two Quacks with Allan Cooper and Quacking Together with Jon Harris, proof that misery, like a good tea urn, is best shared. A neat footnote for the historians: on this very day in 1964, Frank Brattle — who played from 1937 to 1971 and finished with 38 ducks, 9th on the all-time list — also trudged back for nought, against Rumwood CC. The calendar, it seems, has a sense of humour all of its own. 📊 The Week in Brief One duck from four matches is a lean haul by Duck Club standards — either the bowling was off the boil or the batters simply couldn't be bothered to give us anything worth celebrating. Either way, Trevor carries the flag alone this week, and the collection plate stays disappointingly light. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1980 1. Jon Harris — 5 ducks / 16 innings (31.25%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks / 19 innings (21.05%) 3. David Iliffe — 3 ducks / 12 innings (25.00%) 4. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks / 17 innings (17.65%) 5. Ross Brice — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.33%) Jon Harris holds a commanding lead atop the table, though Ross Brice's blistering 33% strike rate lurks menacingly in the wings — nobody's throne is entirely safe. 📅 Next fixture, next opportunity. The bowlers will be back, and so, inevitably, will the ducks. See you at the crease. 🦆🍩

A quieter harvest this week, but quality over quantity — five ducks across the weekend, and two of the club's most storied names among them. 🏏 Saturday — Medway Valley at home David Iliffe fell early at first drop, caught behind off Pettitt, for his 3rd duck of the season and 7th of a distinguished career — now 76th in the all-time standings. Handily, on this very day back in 1943, Herbert Sunley was also making a duck, against Mr Ashby's XI no less — some things never change. Not to be outdone, Tim Thirkell followed him back, also caught off Pettitt, for his 4th of the season and 45th career duck — a mighty 5th on the all-time list, and a man who already owns Full House honours (a duck at every position 1 to 11) plus a place among the Homebody, Lone Duck and Ducks on the Road elite. Fittingly, Tim shares this same calendar date in duck history with Herbert Sunley too — 1943 clearly a vintage year for nought. 🏏 Saturday/Sunday — Reeds Aylesford away The away trip produced a hat-trick of sorts. Trevor Back departed bowled by Colin Watson for his 1st duck of the season, 13th career — level with Derek Pantony (1947–1968), and drawing his customary parallel with Paul Bowles, who made a duck on this same day in 1968 against Charles Arkcoll. Then came the man himself — Jon Harris, the club's all-time number 4 with a jaw-dropping 46 career ducks, caught at number 10 for his remarkable 5th duck of the season. Jon's honours board reads like a museum wing: Duck of the Year 1976 AND 1980, Full House, Lone Duck top 10, Tourist Duck top 10, Debutante Duck — the man was practically born for this. He too echoes Paul Bowles's 1968 vintage duck against Charles Arkcoll. Closing out the innings, Tony Gauna went the same way as Trevor and Jon — bowled by Colin Watson — for his 2nd of the season and 23rd career duck, level with Colin Dicker (1972–1978). Colin Watson clearly fancied his chances at Reeds Aylesford, claiming three of Linton's five wickets for nought. 📊 Week in Summary Five ducks, two matches, and Colin Watson doing more damage with the ball than most bowlers manage in a month — three victims for no runs between them. Jon Harris's 5th of the season keeps him running away with the Duck of the Year race, while the Thirkell and Harris names continue their long tenancy near the top of the all-time charts. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jon Harris — 5 ducks in 15 innings (33.33%) - Tim Thirkell — 4 ducks in 17 innings (23.53%) - David Iliffe — 3 ducks in 10 innings (30.00%) - Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks in 15 innings (20.00%) - Ross Brice — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.33%) 🍩 The season rolls on, and with Colin Watson lurking for Reeds Aylesford, who's brave enough to face him next time round? See you at the crease — or, more likely, back in the pavilion. 0️⃣🦆

Three fixtures, five ducks, and the 1st XI shouldering every one of them this week — a fine advert for consistency of a very particular kind. 🏏 Saturday 28 June — Meopham CC A bumper afternoon for the zero club, with three wickets falling for nought in the same innings. Opener Brian Piper fell early, caught Sambrook bowled Phelps, his 1st duck of the season and 8th of a 145-innings career, good for 64th on the all-time list. Small comfort: on this very date in 1975, Phil Hickman was making the same walk against Tilling Steven. At seven, Martin Mears followed him back, bowled Phelps, his own 1st of the season and 12th career duck, moving to 45th all-time. A charter member of "Quacking Together" alongside Jim Hall, Martin shares that same 1975 on-this-day companion in Phil Hickman. But the day belonged to Jon Harris. Caught Campbell bowled Pennalls at number ten, this was his 4th duck of the season and a startling 45th of his career — 4th on the all-time Linton chart, no less. Jon's honours board reads like a life membership certificate: Full House (a duck at every position, 1 to 11), top-ten entries in both Lone Duck and Homebody Duck, Ducks on the Road and Tourist Duck top tens, a Debutante Duck from long ago, and Quacking Together twice over, with Jim Hall and with Trevor Back. His 4th this season also sits him on the Duck of the Year 1980 board — the race for the title is very much his to lose. And it runs in the family: father Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own. Phil Hickman, once again, keeps him company on this date in history. 🏏 Sunday 29 June — Rainham (Kent) CC Ross Brice, caught and bowled by David Lawler at first drop, notched his 2nd duck of the season and 8th career duck from a brisk 22 innings, landing 74th on the all-time table. A former Duck of the Year in 1979, Ross evidently likes a title. On this same date in 1907, Ernest Cruttenden was similarly dismissed against Town Malling CC, en route to his own Duck of the Year in 1895. 🏏 Thursday 3 July — Leybourne CC Malcolm Pay rounded off the week, caught Bottle bowled David Edmonds at four, his 3rd duck of the season and 14th career duck, 40th all-time from 103 innings. Brother Colin Pay keeps one lonely career duck of his own — the Pays aren't troubling the family boards yet. Back on this date in 1960, Robert Murray was suffering the identical fate against Tovil. 📊 Week in Summary Five ducks, three matches, one team doing all the work — Meopham alone yielded three in a single innings, a proper cluster for the collection. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 4 ducks, 14 innings (28.57%) 2. Malcolm Pay — 3 ducks, 14 innings (21.43%) 3. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks, 15 innings (20.00%) 4. Ross Brice — 2 ducks, 6 innings (33.33%) 5. Martin Larkin — 2 ducks, 7 innings (28.57%) Jon Harris sets a blistering early pace for Duck of the Year — plenty of season left for anyone fancying a late run at him. See you at the next fixture, where the ducks are surely already queuing. 🦆

Three matches, three ducks, and every single one of them landing on the 1st XI's card this week. The exclusive zero club welcomes no new faces this time round, but two of its most seasoned members were only too happy to top up the account. Saturday 21 June — v Horton Kirby CC (h) Keith Williams enjoyed himself enormously, accounting for two Linton batsmen in the same innings and, in the process, adding two more names to the week's roll of dishonour. David Iliffe, in at three, was trapped lbw without scoring — his 2nd duck of the season and 6th of a career now spanning 23 innings, good (or bad) enough for 82nd on the all-time list. Neatly, the calendar has previous here: on this very day back in 1975, Colin Dicker was completing an identical walk against Hythe CC, one of 23 ducks that carried him to 27th all-time and a brace of Duck of the Year titles either side of it. Iliffe can also claim family form — kinsman Mike Iliffe already carries 41 career ducks of his own, so the trait is evidently hereditary. One place later, Tim Thirkell fell to the same bowler for his 3rd of the season and 44th of a career — 5th in the entire 986-strong all-time table, a rarefied altitude few will ever trouble. The honours board already knows him well: Duck of the Year 1972, a member of the exalted Full House club for having ducked at every position from 1 to 11, and a permanent fixture in both the Homebody and Lone Duck top tens. The date obliges again — 21 June 1975 was also when Colin Dicker met his end against Hythe CC. And should anyone doubt the hereditary theory above, the Thirkell name is practically a duck dynasty in its own right: kinsman John carries 90 career noughts, Nigel 28, and Stuart 1 more for the collection. Sunday 22 June — v Dimanchians CC (h) Allan Cooper departed at two, bowled by C Cunliffe, for his 2nd duck of the season and 24th of his career — 24th on the all-time list too, appropriately enough. Cooper is a seasoned member of the "Only Two Quacks" fraternity, with shared-duck honours already logged alongside Jim Hall, Jon Harris and Trevor Back. History was watching once more — on this same date in 1935, Percy Brattle was falling for nought against Bearsted CC, one of 16 ducks that eventually earned him Duck of the Year in 1969. The week's third fixture, midweek on the 25th, passed the Duck Club by entirely — a rare case of the ducks evading capture. Week in summary Three matches, three ducks, and a clean sweep for the 1st XI. Keith Williams can consider himself an honorary Duck Club patron after a two-for at Horton Kirby, while the weekend's business leaves Tim Thirkell knocking on the door of the season's top spot. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 3 ducks / 11 innings (27.3%) 2. Tim Thirkell — 3 ducks / 15 innings (20.0%) 3. Martin Larkin — 2 ducks / 6 innings (33.3%) 4. Allan Cooper — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.6%) 5. David Iliffe — 2 ducks / 7 innings (28.6%) Jon Harris clings to top spot, but Tim Thirkell's Saturday effort has him breathing down his neck. The rest of the club, meanwhile, is politely reminded that the season is far from over — plenty of time yet for the ducks to come home to roost. See you all at the next fixture 🏏🍩0️⃣

Three fixtures. Three results. Not a single duck to show for it. Linton took to the field across the week and, remarkably, every single Linton bat found something to put in the book that wasn't a nought. The exclusive zero club held its AGM this week and nobody turned up — a genuine rarity in a game built on the art of not scoring. Somewhere, the Duck Club committee sits in stunned silence, gavel unused, minutes blank. Whether this is the calm before the storm or a rare outbreak of competence, we cannot say. History suggests it never lasts. 📅 Looking Ahead The ducks have gone to ground, but they always resurface — usually just as somebody's getting comfortable at the crease. The next fixture awaits its inevitable contribution to the honours board. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 🥇 Jon Harris — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.3%) 🥈 Martin Larkin — 2 ducks in 6 innings (33.3%) 🥉 Malcolm Pay — 2 ducks in 10 innings (20.0%) 4️⃣ Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks in 14 innings (14.3%) 5️⃣ Mike Iliffe — 1 duck in 2 innings (50.0%) Special mention to Mike Iliffe, who at 50% is quietly setting the pace for consistency of a very particular kind — though on just 2 innings there's plenty of time yet to spoil that average with something as vulgar as a run. Martin Larkin meanwhile sits second with a rate that would make most bowlers blush, and Jon Harris leads the pack outright — the season's undisputed frontrunner in the pursuit of nothing at all. See you all next week, when normal service — 0️⃣s and all — will surely resume. 🍩🏏🦆

A quiet week for the exclusive zero club numerically, but it was the 1st XI doing all the heavy lifting, contributing all three of the week's noughts across two fixtures. 🏏 Saturday 7th June — Rumwood CC (Home) The Rumwood clash proved a fertile hunting ground, with the middle-to-lower order supplying a rare tail-end brace. Mike Iliffe, coming in at number 8, was bowled by Geoff Griffiths for his 1st duck of the season and 41st of an illustrious career spanning 264 innings — a tally that keeps him a lofty 7th of 986 in the all-time standings, a position most of the club can only dream of reaching by fair means or foul. He joins a relative already on the club books, David Iliffe, who carries five career ducks of his own — clearly a family with an eye for the art of not scoring. On this very day back in 1964, Derek Pantony (1947–1963) was doing much the same against Gore Court CC, en route to 13 career ducks and the 1947 Duck of the Year crown. One place down the order, Ross Brice followed him back, bowled by Brian Aiston at number 9. It's his 1st of the season and 7th career duck from just 19 innings, slotting him in at 77th of 986 — and a further honour to his name as reigning Duck of the Year 1979, proof that a slow start to a career can still end in silverware. Ross shares his on-this-day company too — 1964 also saw Derek Pantony fall to Gore Court CC, a tidy little coincidence sixteen years in the making. 🌱 Sunday 8th June — Sheldwich CC (Away) The travelling 1st XI found no respite either, with Ian Webb departing for nought at number 2, bowled by Tim George. It's Ian's 1st duck of the season and 5th of his career from 33 innings, good enough for 94th of 986 all-time. Ian is already a paid-up member of the Debutante Duck club, having opened his senior account with a duck on debut some years back — this week merely adds to a long and distinguished acquaintance with the zero. He's in good company at home too, with relative Ken Webb sitting on 3 career ducks. And, fittingly, on this day in 1970 Ron Hickman was doing the honours against Boughton Monchelsea CC, one of 29 career ducks on his way to 18th of 986 and a spot on both the Quacking Together and Runaway Duck (1965) honours boards. 📊 Week in Summary Three ducks, three matches, and the 1st XI cornering the market entirely — the 2nds, 3rds and 4ths escaping unscathed this week. Two fell in the same innings at Rumwood, a proper tail-end procession, while Sheldwich claimed the third the following day. Modest numbers, but the calendar did its bit, throwing up two neat on-this-day echoes from 1964 and 1970. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Jon Harris — 3 ducks in 11 innings (27.27%) - Martin Larkin — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40.00%) - Malcolm Pay — 2 ducks in 9 innings (22.22%) - Tim Thirkell — 2 ducks in 13 innings (15.38%) - Mike Iliffe — 1 duck in 2 innings (50.00%) A slender field at the top, plenty of scope for movement. Roll on the next fixture — the ducks are surely just resting up before their next appearance. 🦆🏏

Four fixtures on the go this week, and the exclusive zero club welcomed four new arrivals across just two of them. Consistency of a very particular kind, as ever. Midweek XI v Tonbridge Trade (04/06, home) Jon Harris fell at number four, bowled T Marsh, for his 3rd duck of the season and 44th of a thoroughly decorated career (277 innings and counting) — good for 4th on the all-time list. A repeat Duck of the Year, crowned back in 1976 and currently the pace-setter for the 1980 title too, Jon is also a Full House man (a duck at every position, 1 to 11) and a fixture of the Tourist, Homebody and Ducks-on-the-Road top tens. His old "Only Two Quacks" partner in crime, Allan Cooper, lurks further down this week's leaderboard — old habits. Neatly, on this very day in 1967, Stan Wratten (1943–1979, 34 career ducks) also strolled back for nought against Hythe CC. Some anniversaries you'd rather not share. Sunday NVKC v Shipbourne CC (01/06, away) A grim afternoon at Shipbourne produced three ducks from three different positions in the order — a proper collapse dressed up as coincidence. Tim Thirkell (No.5, b John Wakeman) picked up his 2nd of the season and 43rd career duck, good enough for 6th on the club's all-time roll of dishonour. A Full House member and a resident of the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks-on-the-Road top tens, Tim ducks in good company — kin John Thirkell alone carries 90 of the things, so the family ledger is well stocked. Malcolm Pay (No.6, also b John Wakeman) followed him straight back for his 2nd of the season, moving to 13 career ducks and 41st all-time — sibling Colin has just the one to his name, so no arms race there yet. Tony Gauna (No.11, b Barry Hart) rounded off the collapse with his first duck of the season, his 22nd overall, good for 30th on the club's all-time list. All three can trace a strange kinship across the decades: on this very day in 1903, Rev W A Carr made a duck of his own in the 1st Innings against Maidstone CC. History does love to repeat itself, wrong ground and all. Week in Summary 4 matches, 4 ducks, all of them concentrated at Tonbridge Trade and Shipbourne — the other two fixtures got off scot-free. Early season, but the pattern is already forming nicely. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Jon Harris — 8 inns, 3 ducks (37.5%) 2. Martin Larkin — 4 inns, 2 ducks (50.0%) 3. Malcolm Pay — 8 inns, 2 ducks (25.0%) 4. Tim Thirkell — 11 inns, 2 ducks (18.2%) 5. Allan Cooper — 4 inns, 1 duck (25.0%) Jon leads the chase but Martin Larkin's 50% strike rate cannot be ignored. Plenty of season left for the standings to turn. 🍩 Next fixture, next chance for immortality. The zero club never closes its books — see you all next weekend, ducks.

The exclusive zero club welcomed four new entries this week, spread across three fixtures over four days. Modest pickings by Linton standards, but the quality more than made up for the quantity. Saturday 24 May 1st XI at home to Maidstone YMCA CC saw Martin Larkin shuffle out at number 8 and depart caught D- Pares, bowled John Adams. It's his second duck of the season and, remarkably, his second in only four career innings — a 50% strike rate that currently sits him proudly atop this season's Duck Hunting charts. Martin already holds a place on the Retirement Duck honours board from a previous farewell, which on this evidence was something of a false alarm. Neat symmetry too: on this very day back in 1975, Benny Bell also fell to Maidstone YMCA CC, en route to 30 career ducks and a lofty 15th all-time. Sunday 25 May Bexhill CC proved a productive fixture for the opposition, claiming two Linton wickets for nought inside the same innings. Jon Harris, at 7, edged Clive White off Martin Grimes for his second duck of the campaign — his 43rd career duck from 274 innings, good enough for 5th on the all-time list. Jon's honours board reads like a small library: Full House, Lone Duck, Tourist Duck and Homebody Duck top tens, and — fittingly for this week — a Duck of the Year 1980 credential that keeps this season's race firmly in his sights. A chip off the old block too, with son Richard Harris carrying 36 career ducks of his own. Three down at number 10, Allan Cooper holed out to Simon Reynolds off Stephen Green for his first duck of the season and 23rd of his career, moving to 26th all-time. Harris and Cooper share their own standing honour, Only Two Quacks — and with both back in the shed cheaply on the same Bexhill afternoon, that partnership rather advertised itself. Both, as it happens, share a calendar twin in Frank Brattle, who ducked on this same date in 1970 against Bearsted CC, one of 38 career noughts good for 9th all-time. Tuesday 27 May — Midweek XI Away at Burghill & Tillington CC, Malcolm Pay was run out for nought at number 6 — sadly unclear whose call it was. A first duck of the season and 12th of his career from 95 innings, keeping him 44th on the all-time list, just behind brother Colin Pay's solitary career duck. On this day in 1979, Nigel Thirkell also made the long walk back, against Crockham Hill CC, one of 28 career ducks that leave him 19th all-time. Of the four fixtures played, three yielded a duck apiece — the fourth, mercifully for whoever played it, stayed a strictly vegan affair. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 🥇 Martin Larkin — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50%) 🥈 Jon Harris — 2 ducks in 5 innings (40%) 🥉 Allan Cooper — 1 duck in 3 innings (33.33%) 4. David Iliffe — 1 duck in 4 innings (25%) 5. Malcolm Pay — 1 duck in 6 innings (16.67%) Martin Larkin sets the early pace, but with the season young there's plenty of time for the field to close in. Next fixture, same invitation as ever — pads on, guard taken, and the zero club stands ready to welcome you. 🏏🍩0️⃣

A quiet weekend for the exclusive zero club, but two matches were never going to pass without at least a nibble for the collection. 🏏 Saturday Whatever kept the club occupied on the 17th passed without incident for the honours board — not a single nought to report. Suspiciously clean. 🌱 Sunday — NVKC v Ightham CC (away) Batting at three, Nigel Thirkell supplied the weekend's lone contribution to the art of not scoring, caught Geoff Preston bowled Matthew Lunt. It's his 1st duck of the 1980 season and the 28th of an LPCC career now standing at 303 innings — good enough for 19th on the all-time list of 983, a rarefied spot he holds down alongside membership of both the Homebody Duck and Tourist Duck top tens. A man equally at ease ducking at home or on the road, it seems. Keeping it in the family, Nigel's kin know a thing or two about noughts themselves — brother Tim sits on 42 career ducks of his own (and turns up further down this week's leaderboard), while father John leads the clan with a formidable 90. And on this very day back in 1957, William Blight was doing much the same — also dismissed for nought, also against Gore Court CC, on his way to 10 ducks across a 1953–1959 career and 55th on the all-time roll. Some anniversaries write themselves. 📋 Week in Summary Two matches, one duck. A rare moment of restraint from the Duck Hunting Season — Nigel carried the flag alone this week, but the club's net stays out. 🏆 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - David Iliffe — 1 duck / 2 inns (50%) - Martin Larkin — 1 duck / 2 inns (50%) - Jon Harris — 1 duck / 3 inns (33.33%) - Nigel Thirkell — 1 duck / 7 inns (14.29%) - Tim Thirkell — 1 duck / 7 inns (14.29%) 📅 Looking Ahead Slim pickings this week, but the Duck Club's net is always out. Who'll be next to make the long walk back for nought? We watch, we wait, we celebrate. 🦆0️⃣

Two fixtures on the books this weekend, but only one had any appetite for feeding the exclusive zero club — and when St Lawrence & Highland Court CC came to visit on the 11th, they left with three Linton names for the ledger. 🏏 1st XI v St Lawrence & Highland Court CC (home) A tail-heavy afternoon in the department of not scoring, with all three casualties falling at 5, 9 and 10. Tim Thirkell went first, caught R Harriott off Chris Dale at number 5 — his 1st of the campaign and a tidy 42nd of a long and storied career spanning 352 innings, good enough for 6th on the all-time list of 983. A multiple Duck of the Year (1972), a Full House man (every position 1-11 has now yielded him nought), and a fixture of the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens — Tim barely needs the introduction any more. Fittingly, on this very day in 1969 John Ames also strolled back without scoring, against Gore Court CC, on his way to 49 career ducks. And it's a family trade — son John Thirkell already sits on 90 of his own, with sibling Nigel on 27 and Stuart on 1, so the Thirkell dinner table conversation must be something to behold. Martin Larkin followed at 9, bowled by William Simpson — his 1st duck of the season and, in truth, his 1st full stop, from just 2 innings. He shares that same 11 May echo of 1969, when John Ames was doing precisely the same thing down at Gore Court. Martin is already a paid-up, if presumptive, member of the Retirement Duck club from a past innings — whether this one adds to that ledger remains, as ever, a story for another day. Jon Harris completed the set at 10, caught N Bailey off William Simpson — his 1st of the season and 42nd for his career, level to the digit with Tim Thirkell above him in the same order, and good enough for 5th on the all-time chart, one place above him. A Duck of the Year winner in 1976 and currently defending the 1980 crown too, Jon's honours board reads like a small novel — Full House, Lone Duck, Tourist Duck and Homebody Duck top tens, Only Two Quacks with Allan Cooper, and Quacking Together with both Jim Hall and Trevor Back. He remains, of course, a founding member of the Debutante Duck club from whenever his own first innings went the same way. Relative Richard Harris carries 36 career ducks of his own — clearly a family that backs itself against the bowling. 📋 Week in Summary Three ducks from two matches, and all three arrived in the same innings — a proper tail-end procession for St Lawrence & Highland Court to enjoy. Positions 5, 9 and 10 all present and correct: not quite a Full House but a fair sample of the card. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - David Iliffe — 1 duck / 2 inn (50%) - Martin Larkin — 1 duck / 2 inn (50%) - Jon Harris — 1 duck / 3 inn (33%) - Tim Thirkell — 1 duck / 5 inn (20%) Early doors yet in the 1980 hunt, and plenty of season left for the standings to turn. See you all at the next fixture — the ducks, as ever, will be watching. 🦆🏏0️⃣

Three fixtures out on the paddock this weekend and, remarkably, not a single nought to show for it. The exclusive zero club held no induction ceremony this week — every bat that walked to the middle found a way to trouble the scorers, however briefly. Whether this is a triumph of application or simply the ducks lying low to see out the close season is, as ever, a matter for the members to debate over a pint. 🍩 A Quiet Weekend for the Faithful Saturday and Sunday came and went without addition to the Honours Board. No golden ducks, no pairs, no family affairs of the scoreless kind — just eleven-a-side cricket conducted, disappointingly, with runs actually being scored. The purists among us will call it a wasted weekend. The rest of the club will simply enjoy the rare sight of every scorecard reading upwards from zero. Still, a fallow week is no cause for alarm. The art of not scoring is a skill that rewards patience, and with the season still young there's plenty of time yet for the ducks to reassert themselves. 🥇 Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard Early doors in the 1980 campaign, but a marker has been laid down: 1. David Iliffe — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% A flying start in the race for this year's Duck of the Year, sitting handsomely atop the only column that matters. Whether David can hold that position — or whether it's simply a case of small sample size catching up with him — remains to be seen. Everyone else in the club currently sits, infuriatingly, on a clean sheet. 🏏 Looking Ahead The ducks evaded capture this week, but they're out there somewhere, biding their time. Next fixture brings fresh opportunity for someone to etch their name into 1980's ledger of dubious distinction. Get out to the middle, take guard, and give the club something to celebrate. We watch. We wait. We celebrate — eventually. 🦆

Season 1980 creaks into life, and with the very first ball-by-ball ink barely dry, the Duck Club has already found its opening member. Two fixtures on the books this weekend, and only one proved fertile hunting ground — but quality over quantity, as ever, is the club's watchword. 1st XI v Chatham Nomads CC (Home) Coming in at number 8, David Iliffe departed for nought, bowled by D Barton — a tidy, uncomplicated dismissal, the kind that asks no questions and gets none in return. It's his 1st duck of the season and the 5th of a career now running to 17 innings, which lodges him at a very respectable 91st of 980 in the all-time standings. The Iliffe name is no stranger to these pages either, with a fellow member of the family carrying 40 career ducks of his own — proof that a taste for the zero can run in the blood. Neatly enough, on this very calendar day back in 1968, Cliff Anscombe also strolled back for a duck, against West Farleigh CC of all sides. Cliff played from 1957 to 1975, finished with 25 career ducks and sits 22nd all-time — a Debutante Duck to boot, having opened his account with one, and Duck of the Year in 1957. History, it seems, likes an anniversary. Elsewhere across the weekend's second fixture, the opposition bowlers came away empty-handed — no further additions to report, much to the collective relief of whoever was padded up next. Week in Summary One duck from two matches is a quiet return by the club's usual standards — a single, dignified entry rather than a stampede. Still, the season is younger than a fresh pair of whites, and there's a long summer of dubious batting ahead in which to make up the numbers. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - David Iliffe — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% Early days, and the field is wide open. With fixtures rolling on, the honours board waits for its next volunteer — bring your bat, bring your nerve, and may the bowlers find your edge. 🦆🏏0️⃣