🦆 The Duck Pond

🦆 A modest afternoon at the crease for the Married eleven against Linton Park CC, but modesty is, as ever, our stock in trade. Two eggs laid, two names added to the ledger, and the season's aggregate creeps quietly onward. Married - Tony Tipples, in at first wicket down, was undone by John Thirkell and returned to the pavilion having troubled the scorers not at all — his 1st duck of the season, and the 1st of a career now standing at 11 innings. He takes his place at 257th of 640 in the club's all-time reckoning, and joins the shade of - Dampier on a career tally of exactly one, though Dampier, it should be noted, took the more decisive step afterwards of never batting again. - John Ames, following him to the wicket at first drop, fell to Michael Morton for the fifth time this season — a figure that also happens to be his career total from 33 innings, and good enough for 28th of 640 on the honours board. Mr Ames arrives, moreover, as a gentleman of substance in these matters: four consecutive ducks already to his name, a fixture of the Homebody Duck top ten, and a familiar face in the club's pairing books alongside Alan Wilkes, Roy Clarke and Stan Wratten. He now stands level on career ducks with Allan Peach of the 1900s vintage — kindred spirits separated by half a century but united in the art of not scoring. The Week in Brief One match, one innings apiece for our two unfortunates, and both ducks fell to the bowlers of Linton Park CC — a side evidently in fine order with the ball. No golden ducks this week, no pairs, no family affairs to report — merely the eleven's usual steady contribution to the exclusive zero club. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. J Barclay — 21 innings, 6 ducks, 28.57% 2. John Ames — 18 innings, 5 ducks, 27.78% 3. John Thirkell — 32 innings, 5 ducks, 15.63% 4. Gordon Fenner — 12 innings, 4 ducks, 33.33% 5. Gerald Wright — 14 innings, 4 ducks, 28.57% A fine crop of candidates jostling for the season's crown of dubious distinction. The eleven takes the field again next weekend, and the Duck Club stands ready, as always, to record whatever fresh triumphs through adversity await. Until then, gentlemen — mind your straight bat, and good luck keeping off this list.

Two fixtures took the field this weekend, and though Sunday's eleven kept their bats commendably straight, Saturday's visit from Bearsted CC yielded three eggs for the collection. The exclusive zero club welcomes its latest subscribers below. 1st XI v Bearsted CC (home, 19th September) - Richard Harris, at six, was run out, the fielders unsure quite whom to credit, which seems only fair given nobody troubled the scorer. His third duck of the season and the fourteenth of a distinguished career spanning 77 innings, good enough for third place on the all-time table. He joins the long-serving Frank Sutton (1925-1949, twice Duck of the Year) on exactly fourteen, fine company to keep in the art of not scoring. - Alan Wilkes, batting at eight, was caught behind by David Lister off the bowling of Vic Pound. A modest first duck of the season, and the first of his career in nine innings, rank 129 of 640, with room yet to climb. He is a paid-up member of the Only Two Quacks club twice over, having shared that particular distinction with both Bob Arnold and John Ames in seasons past. On career ducks he draws level, at one apiece, with a long roll of single-duck careers stretching back to the eighteen-eighties, most recently a fellow named Dampier, whose lone egg in 1952 is remembered as his last innings for any side. - Gerald Wright, last man in at eleven, was bowled by Vic Pound, the same bowler claiming his second victim of the innings. A fourth duck of the season for Wright, and the sixth of his career in a mere nineteen innings, placing him eighteenth on the all-time roll. He draws level on career ducks with D Sells (1943-44, Duck of the Year that year, with four in a row to his name), plucky company for a lower-order man. The Week in Summary All three ducks fell in the one innings on Saturday, Bearsted's bowlers evidently finding the home dressing room short of resolve; Sunday's fixture passed, remarkably, without a single egg laid. Two matches, three ducks: a sticky wicket for the middle and tail alike, though the tail, true to form, wagged not at all. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. J Barclay — 21 innings, 6 ducks, 28.57% 2. John Thirkell — 32 innings, 5 ducks, 15.63% 3. Gordon Fenner — 12 innings, 4 ducks, 33.33% 4. Gerald Wright — 14 innings, 4 ducks, 28.57% 5. John Ames — 17 innings, 4 ducks, 23.53% The season's chase for ignominy continues in fine style. Members are warmly invited to the next fixture, where the eleven will doubtless furnish fresh candidates for the honours board, the wicket, as ever, remaining undefeated.

A quiet week, and a disappointing one for connoisseurs of the duck's egg. Across both fixtures played this weekend, the club's watchful eye — ever hopeful, pencil poised over the honours board — found not a single nought worth the recording. Every man who walked to the crease departed, sooner or later, with at least one run to his name, which is all very well for the scorebook but leaves this correspondent with precious little to celebrate. One might almost suspect a conspiracy of straight bats and watchful footwork about the ground this week, though it is more likely simple ill fortune for the Duck Club, whose members hunt in vain whenever an eleven insists on playing sensibly. The tail, we are reliably informed, wagged rather than folded, and not a man among either side troubled the exclusive zero club these two days. Still, one barren weekend does not empty the trophy cabinet, nor dim the lustre of those already enrolled in the club's dubious distinction. The season's leading exponents of the art of not scoring remain handsomely in credit, and the list below stands as testament to sterner, more fruitful days for the pursuit of nought. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - J Barclay — 20 innings, 6 ducks, 30.0% - John Thirkell — 30 innings, 5 ducks, 16.67% - Gordon Fenner — 12 innings, 4 ducks, 33.33% - John Ames — 16 innings, 4 ducks, 25.0% - Gerald Wright — 13 innings, 3 ducks, 23.08% Take heart, members. The next fixture is never far away, and a sticky wicket or one loose stroke early on is ever but a ball away from restoring the natural order of things. Until then, keep your pencils sharpened and your expectations modest — the ducks, we have no doubt, will return.

A brace of fixtures this week, and the eleven found four ways to depart without troubling the scorer. The exclusive zero club, ever discerning in its membership, drew its new candidates from both ends of the county this week. 1st XI At Yalding, John Thirkell strode out first wicket down and returned bowled by D. Brooker, his fifth duck's egg of the summer and the nineteenth of a long and eventful career — a career distinguished chiefly by its studious avoidance of runs. He sits alone at the head of the club's roll of honour, first of 639, and carries into every innings the laurels of Duck of the Year 1952, a place among both the Ducks on the Road and the Homebody Duck top tens, and shared quacking honours with Bob Arnold and William Buck besides. A gentleman for whom the long walk back has become almost a habit of residence. Further down the order, J Barclay followed him to the pavilion, bowled by G. Davis, his sixth duck of the season and sixth of his career, good enough for twentieth on the all-time list and this year's Duck of the Year honour already resting on his shoulders. He is besides a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck club from a past farewell. He now stands level on six career ducks with D Sells, who played his own quiet innings of failure between 1943 and 1944 — kindred spirits separated by a decade but united in arithmetic. At Gillingham the following day, the eleven suffered a curious symmetry: Richard Harris and Gordon Fenner, batting at six and seven, were both bowled by R. Beckenham within the same innings. Harris departed for his second duck of the season, his thirteenth in a career of seventy-six innings and fourth on the club's roll of shame. Fenner followed directly behind him, his fourth duck of the summer and also his thirteenth for his career, third all-time — and now drawing level with Harris himself, the two gentlemen sharing both a bowler's figures and a lifetime tally within the space of a single over. Fenner, it may be added, keeps failure rather in the family, his brother Joe carrying five ducks of his own. The Week in Brief Two matches, four ducks, and something of a pattern: three of the four fell to the bowled dismissal, and Gillingham's R. Beckenham managed the rare distinction of accounting for two Duck Club members in a single innings. A sticky wicket for the top and middle order alike, and no mistake. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - J Barclay — 20 innings, 6 ducks, 30.00% - John Thirkell — 28 innings, 5 ducks, 17.86% - Gordon Fenner — 12 innings, 4 ducks, 33.33% - John Ames — 15 innings, 4 ducks, 26.67% - Gerald Wright — 13 innings, 3 ducks, 23.08% The season's honours board continues to fill most satisfactorily, and the eleven take the field again next week with every confidence that fresh candidates will present themselves. The Club awaits them, as ever, with open arms and a duly sharpened pencil.

A single fixture, away to Hunton Wanderers, yet the eleven contrived five entries in the ledger of nought. A sticky wicket indeed, and the zero club welcomes its latest subscribers. 1st XI - John Thirkell, in at three, was taken by Reg Oldfield off J Ludden for his fourth duck of the season and eighteenth of his career — top of the all-time table at 1 of 639, a Duck of the Year laureate of 1952 and a fixture of the Lone Duck and Homebody Duck top tens. He and Bob Arnold, old campaigners of the Quacking Together honours board, duly quacked together again this very afternoon. On this same date in 1949, one E Simmons also strolled back for nought against Town Malling CC — the calendar has its favourites. - N Simmons followed at five, bowled by J Ludden, his maiden season duck and maiden career duck alike in only his fourth innings — rank 222 of 639, and already a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck club from some past and presumably distant farewell. Like his captain, he shares his date with E Simmons of 1949. - Bob Arnold, at seven, fell leg before to R Venner for his second duck of the season and ninth of his career, tenth on the all-time roll and holder of Ducks in a Row, four consecutive — a spell so barren it merits its own trophy. His Quacking Together honour with Thirkell was renewed in the same innings. - G- Tompkinson, promoted to nine, was caught by J Foley off J Ludden in his very first innings for the club — a debut duck, and entry into the Debutante Duck club at the first attempt. He joins the select fellowship of One and Done for 1953, season and career alike consisting, so far, of a single nought — the purest of beginnings. - Gerald Wright closed the innings at eleven, leg before to R Venner, his third duck of the season and fifth of his career, twenty-third on the all-time table. Like every one of today's unfortunates, his fall echoes E Simmons on this same date in 1949 against Town Malling CC. Five ducks from a single match, top and tail of the order both accounted for, and J Ludden the chief tormentor with three scalps. The eleven may reflect that a duck's egg is at least honestly come by. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. J Barclay — 19 innings, 5 ducks, 26.32% 2. John Ames — 15 innings, 4 ducks, 26.67% 3. John Thirkell — 26 innings, 4 ducks, 15.38% 4. Gordon Fenner — 11 innings, 3 ducks, 27.27% 5. Gerald Wright — 12 innings, 3 ducks, 25.00% The club looks forward, with its usual mixture of dread and delight, to the next fixture and whatever fresh additions it may bring to the honours board.

A modest week for the eleven, home to Charles Arkcoll, yielding but a single fresh entry to the Zero Club's ledger. Modest in number, never in ceremony — the club has always held that one duck properly honoured is worth more than a dozen let pass unremarked. 1st XI J Barclay, promoted to number eight, offered a return catch that Stan Wratten was only too glad to accept — c & b Stan Wratten, and back to the pavilion without troubling the scorers. It is his fifth duck of the season and stands as the twenty-fourth entry on the club's all-time roll of dubious distinction, a list now numbering 638 names in all. With the season itself bearing the same number, 1953, Barclay's effort must be counted toward this year's Duck of the Year — a title awarded not for runs made but, in the club's own particular reckoning, for runs conspicuously not made, and he goes into the reckoning as a serious contender. He remains besides a long-established member of the Retirement Duck fellowship, a past farewell recorded on the honours board from an earlier chapter of his cricketing life, and no reflection upon this week's proceedings. Most curiously of all, on this very date in 1903, a full half-century before, one W Peach fell in precisely the same manner against the 1st Innings of the Kent County Constabulary — the art of not scoring, it seems, keeps a faithful calendar. The Week in Summary One match, one duck, and a single name added to the ledger — the eleven played a generally straight bat this week, leaving the Zero Club's secretary with rather less to record than usual. Whether this reflects improved batting or merely a quiet fixture, the committee declines to speculate. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - J Barclay — 18 innings, 5 ducks, 27.78% - John Ames — 15 innings, 4 ducks, 26.67% - Gordon Fenner — 11 innings, 3 ducks, 27.27% - Michael Morton — 16 innings, 3 ducks, 18.75% - John Thirkell — 25 innings, 3 ducks, 12.00% Barclay leads the field by a comfortable margin, and the committee awaits with interest whichever member the next fixture sees fit to add to these ranks. Members are reminded that the exclusive zero club never closes its books, and a sticky wicket awaits us all in due course.

Two fixtures in the diary this week, but the duck's egg made its appearance in only one of them — the visit of Mote A, where the home eleven contrived three ways of getting back to the pavilion without troubling the scorer. The other fixture passed off, disappointingly for this correspondent, without a nought to its name. 1st XI — v Mote A, 16th August - John Ames, at first wicket down, was bowled by P. Bryant for his fourth duck of the summer — the fourth of a season that continues to test his patience, and enough, by the club's own ledger, to make it "Ducks in a Row," four in succession, a feat few would boast of but none can deny. It is his fourth career nought in thirty innings, thirty-first — no, forty-first — in the all-time order of six hundred and thirty-eight, and he remains a fixture of the Homebody Duck company besides sharing past quacking honours with Roy Clarke, Stan Wratten and Alan Wilkes. Curiously, on this very day in 1893, one George Champion also strolled back for nought, against the Free Foresters. - John Thirkell, in at four, fell to J. Coomber for his third duck of the season and his seventeenth in a long and distinguished career of one hundred and nineteen innings — a career which, remarkably, sits him at the very head of the club's all-time table, first of six hundred and thirty-eight. A former Duck of the Year, and a name long resident in the Lone Duck and Homebody top tens, he adds merely another line to an already formidable record. He, too, shares his day with George Champion's duck of 1893. - L Skinner, batting at ten, was bowled by S. Capon for his maiden duck of the season, and the first of his short career so far — one nought from two innings, placing him modestly at two hundred and eleventh of all who have ever made the walk. He carries, from some past and unrecorded reckoning, a place among the Retirement Duck company, though we trust his innings with the club is far from concluded. He, like his colleagues, kept company with George Champion's ghost of 1893. The Week in Brief Three ducks from two matches, the whole clutch laid in a single innings against Mote A — a fine morning's work for the visiting bowlers, and a poor one for the home order's middle and lower reaches. The 2nd XI, for once, escape this week's report entirely. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. John Ames — 15 innings, 4 ducks, 26.67% 2. J Barclay — 17 innings, 4 ducks, 23.53% 3. Gordon Fenner — 11 innings, 3 ducks, 27.27% 4. Michael Morton — 16 innings, 3 ducks, 18.75% 5. John Thirkell — 24 innings, 3 ducks, 12.5% The season's table remains as competitive as ever, and next week's fixtures will doubtless furnish fresh candidates for its ranks. Members are warmly invited to attend, bat straight if they can manage it, and take their chances of an entry in this column if they cannot.

Two fixtures were put to the eleven this week, and Headcorn CC's bowlers found the home order rather more accommodating than the home order would have liked. Five names go to the book this week — a fine harvest for a side that prefers its runs to its noughts. 1st XI v Headcorn CC (home, 8th August) - Basil Sears, promoted to first wicket down, was bowled by J- Farrant for his second duck of the summer and the fifth of a career now standing at sixty-eight innings — a place of dubious distinction he holds at 22nd of 637 on the club's roll of honour. On this very day in 1892, one Jack Fryer likewise walked back for nought against the Royal Engineers CC — the calendar, it seems, has a long memory for these things. - D Simmons followed him back not long after, also to Farrant, his first duck of the season and the fourth of his career in a mere nineteen innings, good enough for 31st of 637. He sits level on career ducks with J Barclay, four apiece, proof the art of not scoring is thriving this season as much as any other. - P- Tew completed something of a spell for Farrant, becoming the third man bowled by him in the innings — a spree the bowler will recall fondly and the top order rather less so. A maiden duck in only his fourth innings, and 227th of 637 on the all-time list. On this same date in 1943, Frank Sutton was similarly dispatched for nought against the RA Wing. - Robert Muir, at number nine, was run out for his first career duck in eighteen innings, ranking 238th of 637 — sitting level on career ducks with A Eltham, who managed the same solitary nought between 1907 and 1910. Muir is also, from a past farewell, a paid-up member of the club's Retirement Duck fraternity, though this was plainly a mid-innings mishap rather than any parting shot. - Bert Buckoke brought up the innings' fifth duck, stumped by L- Woodcock off R- Excell — his first duck of the season, but a formidable twelfth of a career that places him third of all 637 members the club has ever known. Twice crowned Duck of the Year, in 1928 and in 1950, he shares his dozen with Richard Harris, another old campaigner of the crease. The week in brief Two matches, five ducks, every one furnished by a single afternoon against Headcorn — the second fixture, mercifully, passed without incident for the batting order. Three of the five fell to the same bowler, which rather suggests Farrant found his length early and kept it. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard, 1953 1. J Barclay — 16 innings, 4 ducks (25.0%) 2. Gordon Fenner — 10 innings, 3 ducks (30.0%) 3. John Ames — 14 innings, 3 ducks (21.43%) 4. Michael Morton — 16 innings, 3 ducks (18.75%) 5. Gerald Wright — 9 innings, 2 ducks (22.22%) The eleven takes the field again next weekend, and the book stands ready for whatever fresh additions the willow — or the lack of it — may bring.

Two fixtures over the weekend, and two subscriptions paid into the exclusive zero club, that place of dubious distinction where consistency of a very particular kind is celebrated rather than mourned. 1st XI - J Barclay, turning out against Birchington Wanderers on the Saturday, came in at number six and was bowled by J Ince without troubling the scorers unduly — hardly the straight bat the eleven had hoped for. It is his fourth duck of the season and the fourth of a career of fifteen innings, placing him thirty-seventh in the club's all-time roll of the dismissed for nought. As it happens 1953 is very much his season for it, and this latest nought keeps him snugly inside the Duck of the Year honours he already carries for the year in question. He remains, besides, a long-standing member of the Retirement Duck club, having bowed out on a duck in an innings some while back — a badge worn with the quiet pride of the veteran. Curiously enough, on this very date in 1944 one E- Humphreys performed the identical trick against the National Fire Service Overseas Contingent, proving that some anniversaries keep themselves. - John Thirkell, a day later against the Lord Cornwallis XI, came in at the same number six and departed caught by a- Milsted off the bowling of K- Goodwin, for nought. It is only his second duck of the present season, but a rather more imposing sixteenth in a career now standing at one hundred and fifteen innings — figures that install him, with a certain grim majesty, at the very summit of the club's all-time table: first of six hundred and thirty-seven, a record the rest of the eleven can only regard from a respectful distance. A fixture of the Ducks on the Road, Homebody Duck and Lone Duck top tens, and a name twice bracketed under Quacking Together, with Bob Arnold and with William Buck besides, Thirkell wears his Duck of the Year 1952 as history now rather than news. Fittingly, on this same day in 1952 Gordon Fenner — no mean hand at the art of not scoring himself — was also making his own quiet way back to the pavilion. A modest week by the club's usual standards: two matches, two ducks, one apiece between Saturday's and Sunday's elevens, and neither a pair nor a family affair to report. The ducks came singly this time, which by this club's lights counts almost as restraint. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - J Barclay — 15 innings, 4 ducks, 26.67% - Gordon Fenner — 10 innings, 3 ducks, 30.00% - John Ames — 13 innings, 3 ducks, 23.08% - Michael Morton — 15 innings, 3 ducks, 20.00% - Gerald Wright — 7 innings, 2 ducks, 28.57% The wicket will doubtless prove sticky again before the season is out, and the honours board never wants for fresh names. Members are warmly invited to attend the next fixture, bat in hand and hope undimmed, and to make their own contribution to the ledger in the usual manner.

🦆 Two more names are inscribed upon the ledger of the scoreless this week, both from the 1st XI's excursion to Folkestone, and both, it must be said, achieved by rather more decorous means than the customary golden blob. No first-ball ignominy here — merely two batsmen undone after settling their guard, which the club regards as scarcely better consolation. 1st XI — away to Folkestone CC, 26th July Tony Levick, at number five, played on to a leg-before decision off D Morton and trudged back having troubled the scorers not at all. This is his second career duck in five-and-thirty innings for the 1st XI, placing him 104th of 637 in the club's all-time roll of the dismissed-for-nought — a position he now shares, at exactly two apiece, with a positively distinguished company including Arthur Ash, B Lloyd of the Debutante Duck club, and B- Vince, who once carried off the Duck of the Year honour itself in 1941. By curious coincidence of the calendar, on this very date in 1940 one J Short likewise trudged home for nought against Boughton Monchelsea CC — proof, if any were needed, that the ducks of Linton Park stretch back through the decades in unbroken and faithful procession. Bill Hall, sent in at number eight, was stumped by Len Godden off the same D Morton — a dismissal requiring, one notes, rather more effort from the opposition than the standard variety, though the result upon the scorecard is identical. It is his maiden duck of the season and of his one-and-twenty-innings career, seating him 130th of 637 on the all-time list, level on a single career duck with a full company of one-time offenders, several of them Debutante Duck men and one-season wonders besides. Mr Hall is additionally a paid-up member of the club's Retirement Duck honours board, a distinction earned on some past and presumably dignified departure from the crease — not, it should be stressed, this week's affair, upon which no comment as to his continuing career shall be ventured. He too finds his name matched against J Short's duck of the 26th of July, 1940, against Boughton Monchelsea CC. The week in summary A modest haul: two ducks from two fixtures, both from the 1st XI, both at Folkestone, and both, pleasingly, struck by different means of dismissal — the straight bat undone by swing, and the wandering foot undone by wicketkeeper's swiftness. No pairs, no golden ducks, and no family gatherings at the crease this week — the ducks, for once, kept to their own company. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - Gordon Fenner — 8 innings, 3 ducks, 37.5% - John Ames — 11 innings, 3 ducks, 27.27% - J Barclay — 14 innings, 3 ducks, 21.43% - Michael Morton — 15 innings, 3 ducks, 20.0% - Gerald Wright — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% Gordon Fenner sits proudly atop the season's table of dubious distinction, though with matches yet to be played, no man's place upon it may be considered safe. The eleven return to action shortly, and the Gazette shall be watching the close of every innings with its customary keen and slightly malicious interest — for the exclusive zero club never wants for fresh applicants. Until then, may your bats stay straight and your stumps stay standing.

A single fixture against John Larkings, and the home eleven contrived to lose three wickets without troubling the scorers at all. The zero club welcomes its latest subscribers. The 1st XI - Tom Osborn, in at first wicket down, played across a good length ball from J- May and was taken by R- Dollymore for his customary nought — his first duck of the season, and the first of a career now twenty innings old, placing him a modest 247th of the club's 637 all-time duck-holders. Curiously, on this very date in 1902, one F M Hills also strolled back for nought against Boxley CC — the calendar, it seems, has a long memory for failure. - Gordon Fenner, promoted to number seven, edged J- Larking's bowling into the gloves of M- Varcoe and departed for his third duck of the season — a lean spell even by the standards of a man who now stands third on the club's all-time roll of dishonour with a dozen career ducks from seventy-five innings, level with the venerable Jack Fryer and with Richard Harris. His brother Joe, himself no stranger to the zero club with five career ducks to his name, will doubtless offer what sympathy the tea urn allows. And once again the shade of F M Hills walks abroad, his 1902 duck against Boxley falling on this very date. - Frank Wright, sent in at number ten, was bowled by J- May without troubling the scorers — a debut innings and a debut duck in the very same breath, earning him instant and undisputed membership of the Debutante Duck club, and a starting berth 170th of the club's 637 all-time subscribers. The weightier honours of the Quack-to-Quack and the Retirement Duck must wait upon further innings, and further seasons, before either can be fairly claimed. He too walks in step with F M Hills, whose Boxley duck of 1902 falls on this same calendar day. The Week in Brief Three ducks from one match, and John Larkings' bowlers plainly found Linton Park's order much to their liking. No pairs this week, and no families united in shared misfortune — merely three gentlemen, each dismissed without addition, doing their part for the club's proudest and most peculiar tradition: the fine art of not scoring. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. Gordon Fenner — 7 innings, 3 ducks (42.86%) 2. John Ames — 10 innings, 3 ducks (30.00%) 3. Michael Morton — 13 innings, 3 ducks (23.08%) 4. J Barclay — 14 innings, 3 ducks (21.43%) 5. Gerald Wright — 6 innings, 2 ducks (33.33%) The season's summit of failure remains keenly contested. Members are cordially invited to the next fixture, where the eleven will no doubt furnish further candidates for these pages.

🦆 A quiet week at the crease, ladies and gentlemen. For once the eleven kept their bats straight and their heads down, and not a single member of the club presented himself for induction into the exclusive zero club this week. Whether by sound technique, good fortune, or the bowling simply not being up to the task of separating a batsman from his wicket without troubling the scorer, the ducks evaded capture entirely. One match was played in the period, and it passed — remarkably — without incident. The committee notes this with a mixture of relief and mild disappointment, for a week without a nought is a week without a story, and this gazette rather prefers its heroes fallen. Let it be recorded, all the same, that the season's stalwarts of self-inflicted misfortune remain hard at work elsewhere, quietly compiling the sort of figures that keep this column in business. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - John Ames — 10 innings, 3 ducks, 30.0% - Michael Morton — 12 innings, 3 ducks, 25.0% - J Barclay — 14 innings, 3 ducks, 21.43% - Gerald Wright — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.0% - Gordon Fenner — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% Mr Wright leads the percentage table with a positively alarming 40 per cent strike rate for nought, a consistency of a very particular kind that the rest of the eleven would do well to study, if only to avoid. Ames and Morton press on with quiet determination toward their fourth ducks of the summer, while Barclay's fourteen innings suggest a batsman rather too often given the opportunity to fail. The tail, as ever, wags on regardless. The eleven take the field again next week, and this correspondent, ever the optimist in matters of pessimism, fully expects the zero club to welcome fresh blood before long. Until then — mind the sticky wickets, and keep an eye on the scorebook.

Two fixtures were played this week, and though the exclusive zero club is rarely quiet for long, it was the 1st XI alone who furnished business for the honours board — three names added in a single afternoon away to Charles Arkcoll. The 1st XI, away to Charles Arkcoll — 4th July In at five, Bob Arnold played across one from Randolph Thompson and was bowled without troubling the scorers — a first duck of the season, and the eighth of a career now run to two-and-forty innings, placing him tenth of six hundred and thirty-six in the club's long and dubious roll. A charter member of Ducks in a Row, four in unbroken succession, and party to two companionable pairings, Quacking Together with John Thirkell and Only Two Quacks with Alan Wilkes — Arnold's is consistency of a very particular kind. It may interest him to learn that on this very date in 1904, Arthur Cornwallis also made his way back for nought against Sutton Valence School; the calendar, it seems, has long had a taste for the art of not scoring. At seven, G- Neighbour fell to John Ames, likewise for nought — a maiden season's duck, and but the first blot on a young ledger of three innings, 179th of the 636. He carries already the Retirement Duck honour from a past farewell of his own, a solemn distinction best left where it belongs, in history rather than this week's account. He, too, finds himself keeping company with Cornwallis, who trod the same lonely path back to the pavilion on this date in 1904. And at eight, Michael Morton went the same way — bowled John Ames — for the third time this season, and the third duck of a career built upon a dozen innings, 58th of the all-time company. Two wickets to Ames inside the same short spell was triumph through adversity for the bowler and a sticky wicket indeed for the middle order. Morton, like his colleagues above, shares his date with Cornwallis's duck of 1904 — a coincidence the honours board will note with quiet satisfaction. Week in summary Three ducks from two matches, all struck from the one innings against Charles Arkcoll, with John Ames doing for two batsmen what most bowlers manage only once in an afternoon. The tail, it must be said, did not so much wag as fold quietly. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - John Ames — 10 innings, 3 ducks, 30.00% - Michael Morton — 12 innings, 3 ducks, 25.00% - J Barclay — 13 innings, 3 ducks, 23.08% - Gerald Wright — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.00% - Gordon Fenner — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% The season's leading names sit close together, and there is no reason to suppose the gap will widen before the next fixture is played. Members are cordially reminded that the eleven takes the field again shortly, and the club's honours board, ever hospitable, keeps a place set for whoever should care to walk in and straight back out again.

A Chronicle of Noughts — 27th and 28th June, 1953 Two fixtures played across the weekend, and the exclusive zero club receives two new subscriptions, both from the 1st XI, both furnished in the same understated fashion. 1st XI - R- Fermor came in at number seven against Bearsted CC on the Saturday and was back in the pavilion directly, bowled by V. Pound before he had troubled the scorers to any degree. A maiden innings met by a duck's egg is a debut of the rarest sort, and he is enrolled at once into the Debutante Duck club. The books, as they presently stand, place him upon the One and Done board for 1953 — a career of a single nought so far recorded — and should the eleven see no more of him, a place waits quietly among the club's Retirement Ducks, though we trust the books prove premature. He takes his station 230th of 636 in the club's long roll of honour. A pleasing coincidence attends him: on this very date in 1936, one E. Godden likewise walked back for nought against Bearsted CC, so the fixture appears to have a memory of its own. - Gordon Fenner followed him to the pavilion the very next afternoon, caught G. Parker off the bowling of B. Fletcher while playing for Selstead at number four. No novice's misfortune, this — it is his eleventh career duck in seventy-four innings, a lofty sixth of 636 all-time, and his second of the present season besides. The art of not scoring runs in the family, it might be said, his brother Joe Fenner carrying five noughts of his own upon the club's books. And by a curious turn of the calendar, on this same date in 1882 one J. Sedgwick made a duck against Marden CC, Kent — the ducks of history keeping, it seems, their own fixture card. A quiet weekend by the club's usual standards — two matches, two ducks, no pairs and no family gatherings at the crease this time, though the season's tally continues its patient accumulation regardless. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. John Ames — 9 innings, 3 ducks, 33.33% 2. J Barclay — 13 innings, 3 ducks, 23.08% 3. Gerald Wright — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.00% 4. Gordon Fenner — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% 5. Stan Wratten — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% The eleven takes the field again next week, and the club stands ready, as ever, to welcome whichever gentleman the bowlers next persuade into its dubious fellowship.

A curious week to set before you, gentlemen, for the eleven took the field twice over these two days and not a single batsman was persuaded to walk back for nought. The zero club, that most exclusive of pavilions, reports no new admissions. Whether this reflects a sudden and regrettable outbreak of good batting, or merely that the bowlers of the opposition were having an off week of their own, the committee declines to speculate. It happens, now and again, that the ducks give the fielders the slip entirely — a fortnight's respite from the art of not scoring, and no doubt a source of quiet disappointment to those who follow this report chiefly for its casualties. Let it be recorded, in the spirit of honest chronicle, that on this occasion every man who came to the crease left it having troubled the scorers for at least one run. A sticky wicket for the Duck Club correspondent, if for nobody else. We shall not want for material long. The season's leading exponents of the golden art remain very much in form, and a glance at the honours below should reassure members that ignominy is never far away. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard - John Ames — 8 innings, 3 ducks, 37.5% - J Barclay — 13 innings, 3 ducks, 23.08% - Gerald Wright — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.0% - Stan Wratten — 6 innings, 2 ducks, 33.33% - Michael Morton — 9 innings, 2 ducks, 22.22% Mr Wright's figure of two ducks from a mere five innings places him on a striking 40 per cent, a rate of failure so committed it borders on the professional, and Mr Ames is not far behind him for sheer consistency of a very particular kind. The rest of the eleven would do well to remember that reputations built over a season are not undone by one blameless fortnight. So: a week without a casualty, and the club's records unchanged for it. Enjoy the respite while it lasts, gentlemen — the next fixture is rarely so obliging, and the pavilion steps have a way of calling a man back sooner than he expects. Until then, straight bats all round, and may your luck hold a little longer than your opponents'.

A quiet afternoon at home to Old Colfeians CC furnished the Club with two fresh members of the exclusive zero club, both from deep in the order, both dismissed without addition to the total. The art of not scoring remains, as ever, alive and well among the lower reaches of the 1st XI. 1st XI - Gordon Fenner, in at number seven, was taken by E. Evans off the bowling of G. Keeble and returned to the pavilion with nothing to show for his trouble — his first duck's egg of the 1953 season, and the tenth of a career now well stocked with them, 72 innings deep. He sits eighth of all 634 names on the Club's all-time roll of the dismissed, a standing not easily disturbed. He may take some comfort, or none at all, in kinship — his brother Joe Fenner already carries five ducks of his own, so the family name is no stranger to this particular honours board. Curiously, on this very day in 1882, one C. Gibbs also walked back for nought against the 1st Innings of Boxley CC — proof, if proof were needed, that the fourteenth of June has long had a taste for these things. - J. Barclay, sent in at number nine, was bowled by D. Beddows for the third time this season, a plucky knock undone before it began. Thirteen innings into his career, three of them now ducks, he stands fifty-fourth of 634 on the all-time list, and finds himself, this very season, in contention for the Duck of the Year 1953 honour — a distinction he seems in no hurry to relinquish. His name is also inscribed, from some earlier and quite separate farewell, upon the Retirement Duck board, though nothing in Sunday's play suggests he has any present intention of bowing out. He too shares his duck's day with C. Gibbs of 1882, against Boxley CC, a coincidence the Club records rather than explains. A modest week, then — one match, one pair of ducks, both from the tail, and both proof that adversity, when it comes, comes with a certain regularity to the lower order. Duck Hunting Season leaderboard 1. John Ames — 7 innings, 3 ducks, 42.86% 2. J. Barclay — 13 innings, 3 ducks, 23.08% 3. Gerald Wright — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67% 4. Stan Wratten — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40.0% 5. Michael Morton — 9 innings, 2 ducks, 22.22% The next fixture will doubtless furnish fresh candidates for these pages. Members are warmly invited to attend, bat straight where they can, and contribute to the honours board where they cannot.

A modest despatch this week, for the ducks proved shy quarry across both fixtures, yielding but a single egg to the collector's net. 1st XI At the wicket on the 7th, in the match against Old Shooterhillians, Richard Harris came in at number seven and departed without troubling the scorers, caught J Cooper, bowled G Bird. A tidy piece of bowling and a plucky if fruitless knock, and so the season's first duck's egg is chalked up against his name. It is, mind you, no stranger to him — his twelfth for the career now, in sixty-two innings, which places him a most distinguished fourth of six hundred and thirty-three in the club's roll of honour, a perch few gentlemen ever reach and fewer still would boast of. In doing so he draws level on that very tally of twelve with one Jack Fryer, who wore the same figure with equal good humour between 1881 and 1906 across sixty-seven innings, and who twice carried off the Duck of the Year, in 1891 and again in 1900. Mr Harris now walks in distinguished if unscoring company. The Week in Brief Two matches played over the weekend, and only the one duck laid between them — the eleven, on the whole, kept a straight bat and the tail need not have wagged at all. A quiet week for the club's own particular scoreboard, though the season's leading exponents of the art of not scoring continue to press their claims below. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - Gerald Wright — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67 per cent - John Ames — 6 innings, 3 ducks, 50.00 per cent - Stan Wratten — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.00 per cent - Michael Morton — 9 innings, 2 ducks, 22.22 per cent - J Barclay — 12 innings, 2 ducks, 16.67 per cent Gerald Wright leads the field by some distance, though John Ames's three eggs in half a dozen visits to the crease is a rate of failure not easily bettered, and the whole quintet may consider their positions far from safe with the season yet young. The eleven take the field again shortly, and the club's honours board stands ever ready to welcome whichever unfortunate soul the bowlers next dispatch for nought. Until then, keep a wary eye on the sticky wickets.

A quiet couple of days for the exclusive zero club — only the First Eleven troubled the scorers with their particular brand of nothing, but they made it count with a fine display of team spirit in adversity against the Old Williamsonians. 1st XI — v Old Williamsonians CC, 30th May Opening the innings and opening the account for the wrong side of the ledger was Basil Sears, caught Saunders, bowled Trower, for his 1st duck of the season and the 4th of a career now standing at a very respectable 28th of 630 on the all-time roll — a batsman who has, over 63 innings, made a habit of occasionally forgetting to trouble the scoreboard. He finds himself level on career ducks with a whole gallery of old and new names alike, joining the likes of Gerald Wright and the long-serving John --'s Taylor on exactly four apiece — kindred spirits in the art of not scoring. And by happy coincidence of the calendar, on this very day in 1943 one Frank Sutton, twice Duck of the Year and second on the all-time list with fourteen to his name, was himself walking back for nought against Home Guard - D Company — the ghosts of duck-outings past keeping Basil fine company. Following him back to the pavilion in short order was John Thirkell, bowled Trower without troubling the scorers, his 1st duck of this season but the 15th of an extraordinary career that sits him proudly — or perhaps not so proudly — at the very summit of the all-time table, 1st of 630. A paid-up member of the Duck of the Year honours board for 1952 and a fixture of the Lone Duck, Homebody Duck and Ducks on the Road top tens, Thirkell also shares the rare distinction of Quacking Together with both Bob Arnold and William Buck in seasons past. Like his opening partner, he too finds himself keeping step with history — for on this same 30th of May in 1943, Frank Sutton was again making his own duck's egg against Home Guard - D Company, proof that some dates simply attract the duck. A sticky sort of morning for the top of the order, then, with the innings undone before it had properly begun — but a straight bat and better fortune will surely follow at the crease before long. A brief accounting: two ducks recorded across two matches this week, both falling to the bowling of Trower and both from the top of the 1st XI order — a fine piece of new-ball work by the visitors, and a sobering reminder to Linton Park's openers that the art of not scoring requires no invitation. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard — 1953 - John Ames — 3 ducks in 5 innings (60.0%) - Gerald Wright — 2 ducks in 3 innings (66.67%) - Stan Wratten — 2 ducks in 4 innings (50.0%) - Michael Morton — 2 ducks in 8 innings (25.0%) - J Barclay — 2 ducks in 10 innings (20.0%) The season presses on, and with it the Duck Club's ever-watchful ledger. Members of the Eleven are respectfully reminded that the next fixture offers every opportunity for fresh nominations to this most singular of honours boards — until then, may your bats stay straight and your stumps stay standing.

A quiet week for the eleven, yet not so quiet as to spare the honours board a fresh entry or two. Three ducks fell across three fixtures, and one gentleman contrived to visit the pavilion twice in as many days. The First Eleven Gerald Wright made unwanted history this week, twice undone for nought inside two days — a feat the club's ledger records plainly as a pair, that grim double which no batsman sets out to achieve. On the Saturday, at home to Gore Court CC, he was bowled by Peter Holmes batting at number ten, his first duck of the season and the third of a career now numbering seven innings. Curiously, on this very day in 1943, one K- Symonds likewise departed for nought, against Royal Artillery Wing 48. Wright returned to the crease on the Sunday against Halfway House, in at number eleven, and was run out without troubling the scorers — his second duck in as many days and his fourth for the career, a tally that places him 34th of the 628 gentlemen who have made this particular journey. By a pleasing coincidence, this same 24th of May in the year 1882 saw F Foster fall for nought against Collier Street CC — proof, if any were needed, that the art of not scoring respects no calendar. William Buck, opening at number two against Halfway House on the Sunday, was likewise run out without scoring — a plucky enough start undone by a mix-up in the running. It is his second career duck in a lengthy innings of sixty-five, and places him 107th of the 628 in the club's all-time reckoning. Buck is, besides, a paid-up member of the "Quacking Together" fellowship alongside John Thirkell, two names forever bound by shared misfortune on the honours board. And here too the calendar plays its game — on this same 24th of May back in 1882, F Foster made his own duck against that same Collier Street CC. The Week in Brief Three matches, three ducks, and a certain want of communication in the running between wickets seems to have been the villain of the piece — both Sunday dismissals at Halfway House came by the run out, a sticky wicket of a different sort. Gerald Wright's pair is the week's chief curiosity, two ducks laid inside a single weekend being a distinction few would seek and fewer still achieve twice running. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - John Ames — 5 innings, 3 ducks, 60.0% - Gerald Wright — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100.0% - Stan Wratten — 4 innings, 2 ducks, 50.0% - Michael Morton — 7 innings, 2 ducks, 28.57% - J Barclay — 8 innings, 2 ducks, 25.0% The eleven takes the field again shortly, and the club has every confidence that fresh candidates will present themselves for the honours board in due course. Until then, the exclusive zero club extends its sympathies, and its congratulations, in equal measure.

Two fixtures, one melancholy thread running through both: five eggs laid for the 1st XI across Gore Court and Mote A, and the exclusive zero club welcomes its members back with the usual solemn ceremony. Gore Court CC, 16th May Michael Morton, at four, was undone by a smart catch from Peter Holmes off T Clinch's bowling — his second duck of the season, and the second of a career now five innings long. He stands 92nd of 627 in the club's grand and dubious ledger. Curiously, on this very day in 1943, one L- Breedon walked back for nought against the Royal Army Service Corps 533 Division — the calendar, it seems, has a long memory for the art of not scoring. J Barclay, at seven, was caught and bowled by Peter Holmes for his maiden career duck — though the celebrations proved premature, as the reader shall discover below. Barclay already carries this season's Duck of the Year honours, and is a paid-up member of the Retirement Duck club from some past and presumably final innings, though nobody present this week saw him bow out for good, so we shall say no more on that score. His fall, too, echoed L- Breedon's 1943 vintage against the Service Corps. Mote A, 17th May The very next day brought Stan Wratten to the crease as opener, only to be bowled by Mac Harden without scoring — his second duck of the summer, and the seventh of a career that has now seen him dismissed for nought seventy-seven times over, fourteenth on the club's all-time list of the ignominious. Wratten holds his "Quacking Together" honours jointly with John Ames, and fittingly the pair renewed the acquaintance this very afternoon, Ames following him back to the pavilion at four, bowled by J- Coomber for his third duck of the season and his third of a career now eighteen innings long. Ames, a fixture of the Homebody Duck top ten and no stranger to four ducks in a row, continues to prove that consistency in this club comes in more than one flavour. Both men might reflect that on this same date in 1941, Herbert Rayner made his own duck against the Royal Army Ordnance Corps — some anniversaries simply will not be shaken off. And J Barclay, not content with Saturday's disappointment, returned at number eight to be caught by J- Waters off Mac Harden for his second duck of the week and his second of the season — a grim pair across the two fixtures that places him firmly among the week's most decorated failures. The Week in Brief Five ducks fell across two matches, both played away from home, and Mote A alone accounted for three of them — a sticky afternoon for top and middle order alike. Barclay's pair was the week's sternest reminder that misfortune, like rain, rarely falls but once. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard 1. John Ames — 3 innings, 3 ducks, 100 per cent 2. Stan Wratten — 3 innings, 2 ducks, 66.67 per cent 3. J Barclay — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40 per cent 4. Michael Morton — 5 innings, 2 ducks, 40 per cent The eleven takes the field again next week, and the zero club stands ready, as ever, to welcome whichever gentleman finds the art of not scoring rather too easy to master.

Two fixtures graced Linton Park this weekend, and though bat generally had the better of ball, the eleven surrendered a brace of duck's eggs to keep the Club's ledger in its accustomed good order. 1st XI On the Saturday, against Bearsted CC, Michael Morton came to the wicket at number four and departed without troubling the scorers, bowled by G. Hawkins. A first duck's egg of the season for him, and the third innings of a still-young career — the 212th such dismissal on the Club's long and honourable roll. He now keeps company with the departed - Dampier, who managed exactly one duck in his single season of 1952 before quietly retiring the bat for good, a paid-up member of both the Debutante Duck and the Retirement Duck fraternities, though Morton, one trusts, has rather more cricket left in him yet. The Sunday brought Folkestone CC to the Park, and with them the second instalment of John Ames's week, bowled by Jim Gordon at number five for his second duck of the season and second of a seventeen-innings career — a tidy 87th on the all-time roll. Ames arrives in distinguished if faintly cursed company: he sits within the Ducks in a Row quartet, keeps a place among the Homebody Duck top ten, and shares his solitary quacks with Alan Wilkes, with Roy Clarke, and with Stan Wratten besides — a man who rarely ducks alone. Curiously, on this very day a twelvemonth before, in 1952, Bob Arnold too strolled back for nought against Bearsted CC, a small coincidence of the calendar the Club notes with quiet satisfaction. The Week in Brief Two matches, two ducks, one apiece — a modest yield by the Club's exacting standards, but honest toil against two visiting sides, and proof enough that the art of not scoring remains very much alive at Linton Park. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard, 1953 1. John Ames — 2 innings, 2 ducks, 100% 2. Stan Wratten — 2 innings, 1 duck, 50% 3. Michael Morton — 3 innings, 1 duck, 33% The season is young yet, and the wicket at Linton Park has shown no particular favour to anyone this week. The Club awaits, as ever, the next fixture's certain further contributions to the honours board.

🦆 A fine Sunday at Linton Park, and the eleven welcomed Hunton Wanderers CC to the home ground — a fixture that, for two of our number, will be remembered less for runs scored than for runs decidedly not scored. The art of not scoring was practised with quiet distinction. 1st XI John Ames, sent in at five, played a firm enough looking guard before M Owen had him bowled without troubling the scorers — his first duck's egg of the 1953 season, and the sixth of a career now sixteen innings long. He takes his place at 198th of 627 in the club's long and honourable roll of failure, and does so as a paid-up member of several standing societies of the nought — the Homebody Duck top ten among them, and a fellow traveller in "Quacking Together" with both Roy Clarke and Stan Wratten, which made for interesting company in the pavilion this week. Curiously, on this very date last year, the redoubtable John Thirkell — second on the all-time list with fourteen ducks to his name — was likewise dispatched, against West Farleigh CC. History, it seems, keeps a calendar. Not to be outdone, Stan Wratten followed him back to the pavilion one place down the order, also bowled by M Owen, also for nought. A sticky wicket for the middle order, evidently. This was Wratten's first duck of the season but his sixth in a career of seventy-five innings, lodging him firmly at 19th of 627 on the all-time roll — rarefied air indeed, and he now stands level on career ducks with the venerable W H Fryer of 1867-85 vintage, among other distinguished company. Fittingly, he too shares the on-this-day misfortune with Thirkell's 1952 duck against West Farleigh. Two batsmen, one bowler, one unhappy coincidence of dates. The Week in Brief A single fixture, a brace of ducks, and one bowler — M Owen of Hunton Wanderers — who may fairly claim to have enjoyed his afternoon rather more than the home order did. No pairs, no king pairs, and no family affairs to report this week, the ducks arriving individually rather than in convenient bundles. Duck Hunting Season Leaderboard - John Ames — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% - Stan Wratten — 1 innings, 1 duck, 100% A perfect start to the season's ignominy for both, and plenty of fixtures yet to come in which either might improve his figures — or, this being the Duck Club, cheerfully fail to. The eleven return to the field next weekend, and the Club awaits its next candidates for the exclusive zero club with its usual warm and undiscriminating welcome.